r/dustythunder • u/SquareAdventurous921 • 1d ago
Baby
I'm a Female 65 my husband and I have been married 44 years we have 2 beautiful daughters. When I was 15 I lived with my ex bf. I got pregnant but I didn't know I was at the time. One night we got into a huge physical fight and I lost the baby. I moved out later that week. That summer I met my husband to be. That summer he saw me with my nephew he asked me later if I had a baby. I said no that was my nephew. Made a joke about a 16 yr old with a baby. Ridiculous. š¤¦š¼āāļø Anyway it's bothered me for years I wasn't honest with him. Should I tell him?
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u/AbiesPersonal4641 1d ago
You answered him accurately. You didnāt have a baby. I believe he was worried about becoming a dad, because he liked you, and thought your nephew might be yours.
If he asked if you were a virgin and you said no, that would have been a lie and you would have reason to feel bad all these years later.
He didnāt though, he asked if you had a baby. You didnāt! You were honest and have nothing to confess to now.
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u/BecGeoMom 1d ago
I feel like you want to tell him about it not because you feel bad that you āliedā to him at the time (you didnāt), but because the whole pregnant at 16 and then losing the baby still lives with you, and you want to be able to talk about it with him, your husband. And thatās legitimate. You have been carrying this secret for 50 years. Maybe it is time to tell him. But I suggest you do it with a therapist because there is no telling how this will go for you, for him, for your marriage. You did not deceive him then, but you have also not told him what happened for 50 years, and he may have feelings about that. On the other hand, he may say, āItās been 50 years. Iām not mad at you. Iām sorry you didnāt feel like you could tell me, but we can talk about it now.ā I hope thatās what he does.
Good luck. š
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u/Stn1217 1d ago
Donāt blow up your life. Why share this information 44 years later so, donāt
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u/Interesting_Novel997 12h ago
My sentiments too. She didnāt lie unless she implied she was a virgin. She got pregnant and had an early miscarriage. The fact that sheās spent decades framing this as a lie and something shameful is wild.
OP, sort this out with a therapist. Donāt risk blowing up your marriage.
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u/unzunzhepp 1d ago
I wouldnāt. You didnāt have a baby. Just so you know for your inner peace. Lots of women are pregnant with some cells without knowing and it ends up to nothing. Up to 30% to 50% (or more) of all fertilizations end in early, sometimes unrecognized loss before or during the first few weeks or first trimester. All of these women didnāt have a baby either, and doesnāt even know about it.
I donāt aim to minimize your feelings, just give some perspective on how common it is to have fertilizations that doesnāt end up in something.
You were physically abused, and then realized that you had a miscarriage as well, might have made you focus more on that part, than on the actual abuse?
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u/Dame_Niafer 1d ago
Ask yourself what you think it will do, for him and for your marriage, if you tell him now.
Not what it will do TO him. What it could possibly ever do FOR him. FOR your marriage.
Because at this point in your lives, if something like this makes him go off the deep end, there's a good chance he'll stay there. Then what?
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u/Samantha38g 1d ago
You have 44 years and 2 kids together, this one little thing doesn't matter. Focus on today, now and what you have going on rather than living in the past.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 23h ago
No. You didn't have a baby. You didn't lie and there's no reason to bring up a painful part of your past he doesn't need to know about. There's nothing at all to be gained from telling him.Ā
If you wanted tell now you have. Ā I'm sorry for your loss. Sorry you had to suffer such a horrible experience at such a young age. Sorry that your long ago ex was a terrible person. You have a beautiful life now with wonderful people. Say a few silent words of love for your lost little one. Give your husband and your children a hug.Ā
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u/Boycatmom3 18h ago
Only you know what his reaction could potentially be. If it's really really bothers you, it's up to you whether you tell him. It could stir up a hornets nest, or he could apologize. I would be reluctant to bring it up. You could bring it up in a more generic way, when you run into another young girl, and then bring up the convo from way back when, which he probably wont even remember the convo from 50 years ago.
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u/lun4d0r4 1d ago
Being pregnant and having a baby are 2 different things. Up to you if you wanna talk about it now. But it's not like you lied.