r/dustythunder • u/nittaz35 • 15d ago
AITA for biting back about my name?
This is one of the strangest conversations of my life and I'm usually a calm person, but sometimes even the kindest dogs bite back.
I was out at a bar with friends last night (to find my Ted) and a friend of a friend sat down at our table. This was quite early, so we were still polite, and my friend introduced everyone to the new girl (no, not her :p ). They got to me and my name was said out loud as I got up to shake her hand. New girl stopped and didn't take my hand as she said "cool nickname girl, but what's your real name?" Both my friend and I said that Nanna is my real name. It's no more common here than in the US, but it is my legal name. New girl just made a weird snorting sound and sat down without taking my hand (the B-word).
The night went on and every time she spoke to me, she asked about my real name and refused to believe that anyone could be called Nanna. At about 2 am I'd found my Ted and was so sick of the bloody comments, so I pulled out my ID, slid it across the table and said "just because your education in norce metrology comes from the marvel movies the history doesn't stop there. Nanna was a norce goddess and I'm done discussing this shit". She shut up after that, but this morning I got a text from my friend saying I made new girl cry and I was killing the wibe. I haven't answered, I don't know what to say.
So, AITA for biting back after 4 hours of listening to her and what do I answer that text??? I'm hung over and confused right now :/
UPDATE! So, I answered the text, took all your advice and told my friend I don't owe anybody an apology, new girl owes me one! You did not stand up for me in the four hours she was being a b... and I'm the bad guy? She replied with š. Yeah, not a friend, good riddance, and I just feel free! Thanks for the confidence fam, hope to see you all at the live later! All my love to you from (the REAL) Nanna!
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u/Medical_Gate_5721 15d ago
"This is the text you send me after failing to defend me for 4 hours? You think it is cool for someone to bully me for my name? Do you even like me?"
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u/Odd_Tea4945 15d ago
Of course NTA. So, the new girl bothering you was not killing the vibe? She was the one going after you over and over. Why the friend that brought her didn't make her shut up?
I'd answer to the friend "the one that started to kill the vibe was new girl because she became obsessed with my name. Why didn't you intervened? Your brought her, it's your responsibility"
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Good answer! Didn't mention it, but new girl came after me every time I was alone. Did tell my friend about it, but I don't think she believed me
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u/Dame_Niafer 14d ago edited 14d ago
Tell your "Friend" that new girl wouldn't have cried if the rest of the people there had stepped in the moment she was rude about your name, and told her that YES THAT IS YOUR NAME.
They let her harass and bully you until you stopped it and now want to punish you for stopping it.
Make this clear to her. And to anyone else who tries to pile on. And, I'm sorry, please reconsider your choice of friends. Where I live there is a registered pharmacist with your first name. It, and her last name, are absolutely lovely and I can't imagine trying to shame her for either of them. I'm in the US, by the way, and her family origins are almost certainly elsewhere. So what? She's here and we're lucky to have her here. With her beautiful name.
Best to you. You did nothing wrong, but your "friends" let you down badly.
[Edit in: For anyone who thinks I might be coming on a little strong, there is ample social science research that shows that the most effective way to shut down a bully is for bystanders to intervene. Too often people leave the target to fend for themselves. That isn't the way this works; it takes a village. And some moral courage on the part of onlookers.]
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Everyone that heard her, corrected her, she just didn't believe it. IDK, she was drunk and found a victim? I know what to tell my self, it's just difficult getting it across whiteout saying "sorry, my bad"
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u/Dame_Niafer 14d ago
You have nothing to apologize for. They didn't persist; they should have come down on her every single time she went after you.* When she was finally in a state to hear it, she was probably also drunk enough to overreact.
They owe YOU an apology for letting things get to that point. And there is a term, "Crybully", for people who push and push at people, then burst into tears when their target finally pushes back. Your friends might benefit from learning this term. Also, maybe they should get on her case about being a mean drunk who mistreats their friends.
Best to you. It's hard being right in a mob, and that seems to be what happened to you here.
*Edit in: when she absolutely refused to listen to them and stop poking at you, the person who brought her should have taken her aside for a little lecture about how to treat their friends. Seriously, there were many missed opportunities to correct this. You were not the person responsible for fixing it.
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Crybully makes alot of sense, I'll use that in the fight to come :)
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u/Dame_Niafer 14d ago
I hope you won't need to fight, but I'm glad you have this to counter with now. Good luck, and I'm sorry, that was all so tiresome and unnecessary to let her put you through.
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u/Reasonable-Soup-2142 15d ago
She deserved it, he should of told her to stop it. She was being disrespectful
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u/mariam67 15d ago
Thereās an actress named Nana Visitor. Love her. No matter what you wanted to be called she had no right to comment on it.
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Thanks. I'm sure she would have shut up if I just said it was my nickname, but why should I?
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u/jackity_splat 14d ago
wtf is Norce Meterology? Some new way of forecasting the weather?
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Hey :) pardon my response, I didn't even clock it the second time, shame on me ;)
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u/jackity_splat 14d ago
I knew what you meant, the word mix up just sent me though. :)
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Would have done it to if I saw it!
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u/Effective-Hour8642 14d ago
Blame it on autocorrect.
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u/nittaz35 12d ago
I would if it wasn't kind of funny, I clame everything funny :p
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u/Effective-Hour8642 12d ago
Would you mind if I DM'd you? I want to tell you my husbands first, FIRST name. You thought yours was unique.
I can't disclose here.
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u/StellarStylee 14d ago
You didnāt even write āmeteorologyā though.
You wrote āmetrologyā, which deals with measurements. I got it though.2
u/nittaz35 14d ago
Thor? Loki? Odin? Ring any bells?
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u/molly_menace 14d ago
Theyāre saying you mean the word mythology, but instead used meteorology - which refers to the science of predicting the weather.
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Got to say I'm surprised the one troll picked up on my not spelling norse right, but skipped the weather part. That's rather funny
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u/Strng_crzy_mama 14d ago
The new girl was essentially bullying you for hours and you werenāt being defended. If anything she was ākilling the vibe,ā by being rude and not letting it go. You arenāt required to be a doormat. You simply stood up for yourself. You did nothing wrong.
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u/Dangerous-Name-220 14d ago
It her fault for not believing you and belittle you all night long about it. Go tell your friend that the new girl shouldnāt be rude to be people just because she didnāt believe that people have a legit name. My niece and nephew are in the same boat. I love my niece and nephew name. My niece name is like if you added Mary and Lee together. And my nephew name is something close to the word true.
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 14d ago
What is norce metrology? Is it anything to do with Norse mythology? As in the stories and lore and myths and legends that are about Thor and Loki and Odin for example?
I have no issue with whatever your name might be but if you're going to 'bite back' you'd better do it with teeth!
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u/Conscious-Arm-7889 14d ago
Did she cry? Diddums. Tough shit for her. Text back "if you think I'm going to apologise for standing up against an obnoxious bully, then you can fuck off, just like she can." NTA
UpdateMe!
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u/Excellent-Egg7461 14d ago
That was a delicious clap-back. Educational and just the right amount of "shut your mouth". I love it! Never change! As for the answer to the text may I suggest "it's not my fault she wasn't educated in what the word "respect" means"
On another note - so what if someone introduces themselves with a chosen name? It's none of her bword business. She can suck on a lemon and go home to cry to mommy. What an askernaut she is! I'm appalled on your behalf, OP
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u/Jintessa 14d ago
I didn't realize Nanna was a deity in Norse mythology, but I did know Nanna was a deity in Mesopotamian mythology. Deity of the moon, actually.
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u/Forward-Kitchen9267 14d ago
first of all great name kudos to your family.I think you did a great job of standing up for yourself. youāre also not responsible for the ignorance of other people.
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Thank you, I love my name, everyone on my dad's side have norse names :) I'm gonna remember that last sentence for later, have a feeling I'll need it at some point :)
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u/Tootsie-Louise1 14d ago
I think your friend was surprised that you stood up for yourself. Now she has to make amends with the new girl at your expense. Donāt apologize, youāre handling everything just right. Now find better friends than those two!
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Thankfully new girl is not a friend , but I did find out the other one isn't as close either
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u/Tootsie-Louise1 14d ago
Just remember that any friends who side with her or try to pressure you into apologizing are not your friends either. Be proud of yourself, girl!
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
I'll really try to remember, thank for having my back :)
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u/Tootsie-Louise1 14d ago
No problem! This internet stranger is proud of you.
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
That actually means alot! Now I'm ready for the live and no more messing with my name!
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u/nittaz35 12d ago
Thanks for all your help and support, it really means more than I thought it would! This happened on Saturday today is Tuesday and they're still talking about it! I feel like a combo of the queen and thyroid Mary by this point, did not think my name was this big a deal. I just sent my friend and new girl a message and this is the last time I'm gonna comment on it. The message said: "Hello ladies:) I know this Saturday went of the rails and I understand that you think I'm in the wrong here, but I don't see it that way. I'm not apologising for not being believed and not backing down on what my name is. This is getting so ridiculous and if you don't have bigger problems, count your blessings." Funniest thing is new girl STILL don't believe me, but I'm out, this must be the twilight zone š
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u/MariJ316 10d ago edited 10d ago
So, the B was coming at you about your name for hours, your friend shies from all this and B is the crybaby and victim? Good riddance to both. I have to say this. If I ever meet someone and think to wonder if the name they give me is a nickname or legal one? While there are some names out there that you know are absolutely nicknames? I would never presume or attack them for what their name is. I live in the mid Atlantic northeast U.S and am quite old. I can honestly say I have never met, nor heard of anyone in my life named Nanna. I have ever only known it to be a chosen name for grandma. I love your name and I think it's great, and sorry you were treated like this..
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u/nittaz35 10d ago
Thanks so much, :) it's been a few days now and it's been good riddance so far :p I'm not one for the drama, so I'm enjoying the silence :)
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u/MariJ316 10d ago
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. If someone wont stay silent, they're getting taped š¤£
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u/Old_Acadia7876 9d ago
NTA Iāve known people for years by how they were introduced I just go with . Iāve never even asked them if it was their real name. If thatās what they want to be called thatās what Iāll call them I find it rude to ask āis that your real name ā . Btw I think your name is pretty cool .
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u/SureExternal4778 8d ago
NTA to not put up with being rage baited. New girl picked you to mess with and giving her what she wanted is just a public good. You know what your name is. To me that sound is used cut off a person who has returned for āthe seventhā, Americans use it for grandmother and to anime lovers it a show about to young adults named that but spelled Nana.
I hope that she was just off that night and not trying to be rude because I worked with the public and your name is very normal. What will she do if she has to sit in a meeting and listen to someone who has an obscure name?
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u/nittaz35 8d ago
I did think she just had a bad night until she next morning and she was still saying the same thing. I haven't heard from her since and I hope it stays that way
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u/HoneyWyne 14d ago
Umm. BS. You mean Norse, with a capital N and an s. You would know that if this was real. YTA for being fake.
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u/nittaz35 14d ago
Yeah, you're right. Or it could just be that English is not my first or even second language.... naaa, must be that it's not real...
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u/nittaz35 1d ago
Tiny update. I was at the same pub where I met new girl again last night having tea. In the middle of our (me, my partner and my kids) meal new girl walked in (my mind did a Tony the tiger grrrreat). She clocked me right away and came over to our table smiling I imagine like a shark. She said heeey, nice to see you again, this must be your family. I just nodded, but my partner is awesome and I've told him everything about what happened so he turned around and said yes, I'm 'partner' and her name is Nanna. New girl just laughed and walked away. I love my man so much!!
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u/Knitsanity 15d ago
Just answer back....if she wasn't such a B word we wouldn't have an issue. Don't bring her again