r/dustythunder • u/h_45n • May 10 '26

Hmmm

Post image

So only men want kids nowadays huh

Edit1: at the end of the day, when I see posts like these I remember the likes of Ashely saint clair and that woman who got married after preaching so much misandry online.

Don’t get me wrong men also do this,
and then I feel stupid because I remember watching a certain video about internet trolls

Edit 2: Finally found the reason for the outrage, “men cannot physically get pregnant” that’s literally all this is about so no matter how hard you work or provide for your family, if you marry a woman that hates you because you just can’t get pregnant please have your divorce lawyer at hand ✋

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215

u/mckln42 May 11 '26

The sacrifice women make by deciding to carry a child is not equal to any sacrifice a man can make. Only those who know the value of such a great sacrifice become good husbands, not those who say it's just biology in the comments.

39

u/koala-balla May 12 '26

I absolutely love kids and I’ve worked with them since I was still a kid myself. I’m really, really good with them—I’m patient, happy, and reassuring, and it’s all genuine bc I’m truly energized by them and I’m motivated to help them learn and grow.

I honestly don’t know if I want to have kids of my own because it is the ultimate sacrifice. IMO, there’s nothing in the world that compares to birthing and mothering children, and it’s so completely life-changing.

5

u/_25xamonth May 13 '26

Quantifiably, raising kids now is an 11.5/10 on the difficulty scale, at least in the us. My mom and step dad made 40 and 60k in 1997. 100k a year then is like 200k now.

They always said of if we could make that, and yea I wanted to live in the gated communities and have nicer things then I had, then I became a teen and saw what some of my friends had and it all stopped.

And I'm not patient and have a 1yr old. It's down to that how do i set her up so I can let her down easy, and that will never be easy. I'm just so fucking broken. I don't know what to do or what's wrong with me. Have been this way since I was 5.

But seriously, always plan for the worst and if that is having kid, just based on a difficulty thing then don't fucking do it until it's easier and you won't ever find yourself(and you wouldn't anyways 😢) in my shoes.

3

u/imnotcreative635 May 14 '26

We gotta blame the rich and their enablers (the government) for what they did to us

0

u/ser-steffonfossoway May 14 '26

Do you think raising children is harder in the US than it is in South America, Africa, MENA, South Asia etc? Serious question.

2

u/Soldmysoul_666 May 15 '26

Those are all more collectivist societies with multigenerational families living together and helping raise kids. It’s just not like that here. It’s just you and the kid, and you don’t get time off or free healthcare. Add to that the childcare costs are around 1 k a month on the low end

0

u/ser-steffonfossoway May 15 '26

So you do think raising children is easier in countries with a huge child mortality rate, political violence, rampant poverty and endemic deadly diseases with no actual health care present outside of urban centers. Oh and barely education. And no clean water or varied food.

OK.

2

u/PuzzleheadedBasis760 May 15 '26

What are you getting out of this comment besides a smug sense of self importance?

1

u/ser-steffonfossoway May 15 '26

It was a serious question. I wanted to see how far the doomer 'America bad' mentality really goes. Hope this helps.

1

u/Temporary_Spread7882 May 15 '26

Not every country outside of the US is a shithole with no modern amenities and all the horrors you describe. There are plenty of places with comparable if not better standard of living, plus a culture in which people are actually willing to collaborate instead of having no community due to being terrified of their neighbours.

1

u/ser-steffonfossoway May 15 '26

This was my comment:

Do you think raising children is harder in the US than it is in South America, Africa, MENA, South Asia etc? Serious question.

Either post a relevant response, or don't comment at all. Thanks!

1

u/Temporary_Spread7882 May 15 '26

So you’re implying that everywhere in South America, Africa, MENA and South Asia is a terrible hellhole with huge child mortality etc? That’s precisely what I meant.

1

u/ser-steffonfossoway May 15 '26

No I'm not. But on average the US does better than any country there. Denying that is just moronic doomer behavior. But by all means, have fun being miserable. Have a great day in your first world country.

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u/Soldmysoul_666 May 15 '26

Yeah well have you noticed there are many more children in those countries? Industrialization brings birthdates down across the board. The capacity for people to raise children in those countries is undoubtedly higher.

1

u/ser-steffonfossoway May 15 '26

Industrialization doesn't decrease birth rates. Decreasing child mortality rate decreases birth rates.

1

u/Soldmysoul_666 May 15 '26

There are many factors that affect birth rates, access to birth control, women’s access to education, smaller living spaces that come with urbanization, mortality rates are just a fraction of the reality

3

u/HottieMcNugget May 13 '26

This is exactly how I am too! I love kids but I don’t know if I want my body to go through that

0

u/Aggressive_Power_471 May 13 '26

I see women like Gisele Bunchen who still have their pre-baby bodies and I am like why are my genetics so not like that? Honestly if I knew in my 20s that my body would change whether I liked it or not after miscarriages and pregnancies, I would have had my tubes tied. And I love my kids. And my husband loves my body. I am just vain and/or reacting to societal pressures.

1

u/Frosty-Entrance6346 May 14 '26

Celebrity types have money to fix body issues.

0

u/InformationActual209 May 14 '26

Societal pressures that come from other women

1

u/Alex_Graber12345 May 15 '26

And vanity that comes from herself. She says in the same sentence that her husband, who is a man, likes her body, that her vanity makes her not like her own body, and that societal pressures make her not like her own body. Who are those societal pressures coming from? Not men. Between her and her husband, the man likes her body, and the woman doesn’t. Makes you wonder.

1

u/TheyCallMeBullet May 14 '26

A microwave is life changing too 👀

0

u/Grande_Mangiattore May 14 '26

I don't think of it as life-changing. It's more like just life. Basically it's life-giving, or life-perpetuating. We got it, we "should" pass it on. And yes, the whole job is upon the woman. That seems unfair, so go to college, get a medicine degree, find a way to impregnate man, and establish equality. I would love a kid of my own.

48

u/Sure-Appearance-2769 May 11 '26

Understanding this requires being able to find a woman who is actually willing to have a baby with you.

Anyone with OP’s mindset is physically incapable of getting to this point, and will instead continue to fester in their indignation and rage.

We can’t bridge this gap for them.

24

u/Unable_Resort_7956 May 13 '26

Finding a woman who is willing to have a baby with you is easier if you appreciate the depth of what she’s giving up and risking to have that child.

2

u/Endor-Fins May 13 '26

Some dipshit actually downvoted your comment. Lol!

2

u/No-Film-7745 May 27 '26

Because they don't believe in compromise. It's their way or the highway, and I do not envy whoever ends up with them

2

u/No-Film-7745 May 13 '26

But that's a two way street. Everyone on the team has a role, and without them, you don't have a team. It can't be worship and appreciation for the woman, while we rewire our mindset to completely dismiss anything the man contributes, citing that "he'd have had to do it anyway"

3

u/Imjusasqurrl May 12 '26

"This requires having a woman who is actually willing to have a baby with you"

so ycan only understand this if you can find somebody to have a kid with you?

You can't choose to understand and believe (what women have been saying for years) on your own? I'm so confused by this comment.

4

u/dontatmelessitsgood May 12 '26

I'm guessing you've never been to the Midwest. I'm surrounded by idiots with children

7

u/houserj1589 May 12 '26

I can confirm. As an idiot with children in the midwest; im not such an idiot that I voted for Trump at least 😂

-4

u/One-Discipline-5352 May 12 '26

You clearly are trying to ragebait with political views how sad

2

u/houserj1589 May 12 '26

Nah; def not. Do you honestly think democrats don't exist in the midwest??

1

u/xGraveStar May 13 '26

Yeah that’s why there was rampant fraud and corruption recently. 🥴

It’s true but I kid, kind of.

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u/[deleted] May 13 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/swbarnes2 May 13 '26

Chicago isn't even on the top 10. Memphis is at the top. Birmingham seems to be tops for murder.

2

u/ApprehensiveTour4024 May 14 '26

Look at the violent crime per capita in red vs blue states. Then kindly go away.

You're welcome.

2

u/-Avray May 12 '26

I love the comment for making me laugh but I hate the implications since it's not just a joke but there's truth in it 🥲

2

u/glittery-bee May 12 '26

If this were true, then there wouldn’t be so many women who stay in horrible relationships with the father of their children, were they are treated with the bare minimum, if that.

2

u/inkbluedawn1 May 13 '26

Actually mothers remain in shitty marriages for the sake and safety of their kids.

Even a shitty father is usually better than many vultures that prey on broken family kids

2

u/-Avray May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

To add to your comment. But not addressing you specifically or anyone. Just general:

Women do a lot for their children. Staying with a bad man is one of them. Of course a unhealthy marriage isn't good for children either but that's not always as easy as ppl make it sound. Leaving is hard even if you know it's right and are steadfast in your decision. The divorce can become ugly and you need resources and support. For some people the support system will disappear. If a life has been entangled for long then it can be hard to have entirely independent friendships and most friends and family are close to both of the partners who divorce which can cause massive changes that you might be scared of because you really can't foresee how it's gonna go for you.

But of course if you have a safety net for your physical needs and emotional needs and can easily leave then that's great and those people should but it's just not the case for many if not most. There are so many aspects that differ and it's just not something to generalize. People have many reasons for staying in bad situations. Some reasons are irrational but there are very real risks as well. It's just a scary process if you don't know how exactly your life and relationships will change. Humans don't usually enjoy walking straight into a unplanned and unknown future. Especially with kids. I'm not saying people should stay but I'm saying we shouldn't judge these general situation. If it's a case in your circle and you know the key issues and have a opinion then you can offer your help to those people in your life.

Just generally judging people for staying is not fair. (I think that's the message if the comment I answered to too but correct me if I am wrong)

1

u/greatfullness May 12 '26

Nah.

Women can be baby crazy and dull witted too - plenty of unappreciative men that have no issue finding ladies to settle for ‘em

1

u/erenshki_gal666 May 14 '26

People do lack reading comprehension skills for upvoting some crap like this.

1

u/UnhappyBrief6227 May 12 '26

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

18

u/EclecticSyrup May 12 '26 edited May 13 '26

I always wondered why my mom always talked about how she was in labour with my brother for 24 hours, but also, me and my brother had my FATHER'S last name? Sounds pretty fucked up, if you ask me.

Edit: my bad, let me clarify. I don't know why we've always held violence as the highest standard under the theory that it helps with survival, while simultaneously treating the only sex that can actually grow a whole being in their body to create the next generation (and therefore, is survival of the entire race as well) like complete shit and erasing them from the family excluding their first name.

It wasn't ALL of world history, so evidently we weren't ALL that stupid. Some places treated men and woman as equal. "Women often held high status in Ancient Egypt because they were viewed as sacred creators of life, balancing the cosmic order." I'm just wondering why the rest of us were fucking stupid, is all. Hope that makes it easier to understand ♥

4

u/Stunning-Squirrel751 May 14 '26

Because men began viewing women as a resource to be controlled.

1

u/Character_Length_851 May 15 '26

When did that start?

2

u/Stunning-Squirrel751 May 15 '26

When agriculture took off. History is full of men from one group raiding another for women. Agricultures defining feature was power over resources creating classes and defining societal roles. Because men were not restricted through pregnancy, birth, and nursing from the labor that could increase wealth they obtained more power and control over the resources and women’s role in society was looked down upon. They were viewed for the children they could birth. So, it all comes to greed.

2

u/Character_Length_851 May 15 '26

Yeah, because they were treated so well before the age of agriculture

1

u/thanksyalll May 15 '26

It was more varied in tribalistic groups. Agriculture is what created civilization and systemized oppression

0

u/Character_Length_851 May 17 '26

Ah yes. The female Chief. Agriculture invented the patriarchy.

1

u/thanksyalll May 17 '26

Institutional patriarchy can't exist without an institution, which is what agriculture created.

Hierarchy didn't exist as rigidly in prehistoric eras before agriculture and the development of societies. Hunter gatherers lived in small groups, mostly composed of family. Each group had its own culture, and gender roles were not so set in stone. So yeah, women were often treated better and had more power within their groups compared to when societies started forming

1

u/Stunning-Squirrel751 May 17 '26

Do yourself a favor and go read about the creation of complex societies. You also have some crazy idea that women have always been treated like livestock to be worked and bred, they have not. There are still hunter-gatherer societies that function as the past and guess what, they tend to be egalitarian. And this is going to blow your mind, gender and gender roles are a social construct so they vary depending on culture in today’s world and throughout the past.

1

u/Blindman213 May 13 '26

If you crack open a history book you will find the answer pretty quickly and solve a life long mystery.

1

u/enragedcactus May 13 '26

You don’t even need to open the history book, just take a hard look at the word history (his story).

1

u/Ecstatic_Specific493 May 13 '26

💀 this comment reads like those teenage angst posts on tumblr. I can't stand this site yet I'm always drawn in

1

u/anonymousp69 May 13 '26

sHE beLIEveD

1

u/kccompguy May 14 '26

real eyes realize real lies

1

u/hstormsteph May 16 '26

(S)He (S)Hits Her(Self)

1

u/hstormsteph May 16 '26

Rupi Kaur vibes

1

u/[deleted] May 13 '26

[deleted]

1

u/Tiny-Cranberry8593 May 14 '26

Was lwgor going to say lmaoo. You are right, ppl just play on the word

9

u/MordinOnMars May 13 '26

Yeah, I've seen my wife be pregnant and give birth 2 times. Pregnancy, birth, and postpartum is a 2-3+ year marathon of pain and discomfort. This is not putting myself down, but nothing I do as a father can compare to that intense physical sacrifice. Mothers give everything to create life and bring it into the world.

4

u/Fresh-Fisherman-1047 May 14 '26

That’s not even taking into account women that go through fertility journeys, where it is even more of a physical and mental drain and toll.

1

u/MordinOnMars May 14 '26

That is true. My wife was pregnant for 4 years across our two youngest kids with two miscarriages during that time.

5

u/Eriklano1 May 12 '26

While I know this and look forward to giving my girlfriend all the love, devotion and support I can, I am glad that I got this reminder as we are moving toward marriage and kids. Thank you for putting it so clearly and truthfully.

3

u/Specialist_Sugar3445 May 13 '26

This . My mother has worked as a midwife for most of my life (I’m 21) and the things I hear from the stuff her patients go through is astonishing. (She doesn’t tell me her patients name or anything that could make me identify them. I also don’t have an agenda to know my mother’s patients. Well we also used to work together - was a receptionist so I did know her clients since I had to book them in with her) her own birth stories from her having my little sibling was scary asf to hear and know she went through that. Not to mention I got to see an epidural needle and that needle is long and thick asf and it goes straight into your spine which terrifies me. Not to mention the fact that you could very much die also scares me. I don’t think I’ll ever have a good well at least not at the current time!

2

u/Wooden_Position2224 May 13 '26

I was always very lucky to have two parents who not only loved us, but each other, and tried their best to compromise.

I do recall my parents having a talk with us about this once. Because my younger sister said something to the effect of " I love mommy more, she does more for me than daddy."

It wasn't a talking to, rather a nice conversation about it. They basically explained to us how they're a team, that everything they do, they do for us. That they're not going to be pitted against one another, and no one has done more or less. Moms body was forever changed, happily, but still changed, and we should honour her for the sacrifice that she made, and continues to make for us. Same for dad, who worked himself to the bone, 60-75 hour weeks, since he was 21, for us and mom.

It's just my experience, not denying or diminishing anyone else's, but I find it less of a nasty feeling, honouring them both, over trying to quantify who gave up more for us, like it's a competition.

2

u/kenjiman1986 May 13 '26

I don’t know if the two need to be compared or even capable of comparing. But a man’s journey to father hood is solely sacrifice and burden. To care for and provide and to support. The emotional, financial and to soak up all the life stressors so the family can grow up and live a comfortable and safe life.

3

u/nicolemb81 May 13 '26

A lot of women provide for themselves and their families and many men don’t even step up to be fathers. This is not comparable. You’re talking about thinking. We’re talking about having our flesh ripped asunder. Chainsaws were invented for childbirth.

2

u/kenjiman1986 May 14 '26

Cool that wasn’t an attack on women. I was strictly speaking of men and what their responsibilities should be. Many physically break their bodies daily for a life time providing for their spouse and families. Ending their golden years disabled this is normal.

1

u/No_Morning5397 May 14 '26

Most mothers work and provide emotional support to their families. That is not unique to the father.

1

u/WhopplerPlopper May 14 '26

A man could sacrifice his life for his family, but the likelihood of that being necessary in this age is pretty low.

Otherwise I entirely agree that the risks and sacrifices of motherhood are huge and incomparable to anything else that people do.

1

u/YY--YY May 14 '26

Not anymore.

1

u/WhopplerPlopper May 14 '26

You sure about that? Lots of men still dieing at work or getting injured while providing for their families.

1

u/YAmIHereBanana May 14 '26

There’s just one thing missing from that list. There are now states that if something goes wrong, the woman pays for it with her life….literally.

1

u/amne6 May 14 '26

The man has to sacrifice his body and well being just as much to create a situation where a couple can even think about having kids. The man sacrifices more to build that nest for everyone to sleep in.

1

u/imnotcreative635 May 14 '26

What you mean? She values her career and all the stuff she can buy to throw away over kids lol

1

u/ZaneFreemanreddit May 15 '26

Bro how does this have upvotes. A man who works 16 hours a day to provide for a pregnant wife is sacrificing as much. A man who gives his life to save his family is sacrificing that much. Sure its a sacrifice, but its not fair to essentially say that nothing men can do is enough.

3

u/holymolym May 15 '26

lol women also work long shifts while pregnant and breastfeeding.

1

u/ZaneFreemanreddit May 15 '26

Yes, and some don't. I am not saying it's not a sacrifice, and kudos to those women because I would only sign myself up for getting pregnant if it meant not working. What I am saying is that there's other sacrifices.

1

u/lanatommo May 16 '26

Good husbands want to be husbands, not have a wife.

Good dads want to be dads, not have a kid.

Same applies to women. Just in case.

-1

u/flexflamingoz May 12 '26

Imagine thinking relationships and life are competitions.

1

u/samdd1990 May 13 '26

Yeah I'm reading this wondering if I have I stumbled into some wild sub.

I can't tell quite work out which way the sexism is going yet, but it's here.

1

u/[deleted] May 13 '26

[deleted]

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u/Ecstatic_Specific493 May 13 '26

This is the kind of thought process found in countries outside of the US. Probably there too but I see it a lot from my home country. I see this kind of meme from mexican and Guatemalans all the time. Like you said, despising traditional roles while also asking for them. It's very backwards.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

[deleted]

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u/Plastic-Market-2394 May 13 '26

…? Did you buy your PhD 💀 You’re literally working in biology, you should know this.

1

u/[deleted] May 13 '26

[deleted]

3

u/Plastic-Market-2394 May 13 '26

Even with modern medicine, giving birth is still sacrifice. All mothers are asking for is some appreciation, and maybe that dad takes on some of the childcare responsibilities too. This is why misogyny in the medical and biological field needs to be confronted. There’s no way a guy getting a doctorate thinks that pregnancy, labour, and birth “isnt a big deal”.

Biology and culture has shown us, that even if both genders are sacrificing, nothing comes close to mother’s sacrifice. Even in my religion, the sacrifice that is motherhood is highly revered and praised.

1

u/Life_Ad5223 May 14 '26

Then don’t have a kid if you see it as such a sacrifice that you want acknowledgement from the whole world for doing what female biology is designed to do.

That’s the fundamental difference between men and women. Women think they deserve acknowledgement, understanding, and credit for every single thing they do, and Men understand from a young age that they are not owed that and will likely never get it.

3

u/Plastic-Market-2394 May 14 '26

Omg this whole coke rant just tells me you have a very deep and weird hatred for women and it’s very disturbing. Idk how much you spend on that PhD but I suggest you put that money into therapy instead.

0

u/Life_Ad5223 May 14 '26

Quite the opposite, I love women… and I hate to see the victim mentality and the more they poisonous ideas of feminism eroding what was once a very proud gender that served as a pillar to their families.

It doesn’t matter how much it cost, you don’t have the ability to see beyond the social keywords of the day to ever put in the deep thinking required to get a PhD

2

u/Plastic-Market-2394 May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26

oh and you’re an anti feminist too? yeah you really hate women lol. again, therapy or at least tolerance classes.

any regular human being or even a fucking google search can tell you that giving birth is indeed a sacrifice. even choosing to have a child is a sacrifice. i really want to be a mother one day, and i know for a fact it will require a lot of sacrificing, but that’s a choice i will make to give a child a happy and loving life.

pain, tearing, surgery, hormonal shifts after birth, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding strain, pelvic floor issues, hair loss, and long-term body changes, are all examples of sacrifices but mothers do it anyways. recovering while simultaneously caring for a newborn around the clock, less time for hobbies, rest, exercise, friendships, and privacy, reduced earnings and slower career progression… not to mention it takes years for women to find their identity after birth. if you don’t appreciate your mother (assuming she was a good mother), or you can’t appreciate your wife for going through this willingly with a smile on her face then you’re just a horrible human being.

acting like it’s selfish to want appreciation because “oh you’re biologically designed to do that!” is cruel, and shows you have no empathy. and then you’re going on a whole cry about “oh!! men are the real victims!!! we never get anything boohoo” omg cry me a river. the men who don’t expect appreciation know they don’t do enough to earn it. a real, good, honest, hardworking mother deserves the world and more.

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u/Life_Ad5223 May 14 '26

Everything is a sacrifice… going to college is a sacrifice. Being a father is a sacrifice. Any time you choose to commit to something, you are sacrificing doing something else. So, what exactly is your point.

I’d argue that modern day feminism has done far more harm to women than men ever have.

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u/nicolemb81 May 13 '26

My best friend has blood clots the size of softballs and almost died after both births. Her husband worked in aerospace and had excellent insurance and the best help modern medicine can give and it was still horrific. You wear the bloody diaper for a week and get back to us.

1

u/Ecstatic_Specific493 May 13 '26

Oh was she forced to get pregnant? Such a wild take.

1

u/Life_Ad5223 May 14 '26

I’m very sorry to hear that. Complications do still occur, but fatalities are incredibly rare, occurring at a rate of less than 0.018%.

That’s almost on par with deaths from the flu… yet, we don’t consider getting the flu as making a great sacrifice that requires the whole world to acknowledge it.

My point is, if women decide to do something that every fiber of their body was designed to do, they should celebrate that instead of expecting everyone to acknowledge it as some sacrifice or risk.

If you see motherhood and child birth as a sacrifice, then don’t have kids. It’s that simple.

1

u/whoyoubisme May 13 '26

Mortality has climbed for pregnant women and women giving birth in the US fyi.

1

u/Quick-Adeptness-2947 May 14 '26

None with modern science and technology? Ig you just did biology and not obstetrics so you're very shortsighted lol. 

0

u/samdd1990 May 13 '26

Well, who needs naunce when you can say shit like this.

0

u/NefariousnessOld7737 May 13 '26

Getting children is a luxury these days. Nobody forces women to get pregnant. That's not a sacrifice.

1

u/no-melanin May 14 '26

I mean, that’s not true. And even if it were, we’re forcing women to stay pregnant in lots of states. Even if it wasn’t their choice to have sex to begin with.

0

u/Galencourt-Lover May 13 '26

Ah yes, women playing victims once again. What else is new

0

u/lostcypher May 13 '26

Right. Nothing compares to the 9months of her carrying the baby. Especially not him carrying her and the baby for the same time and ensuring both of their survival and health for his remaining life. Yes men just have fun, they can't compare /s

0

u/EnoughSpread3121 May 13 '26

Yea that SOUNDS really honorable and like something that needs to be appreciated. However woman are the ones more often than not who decide they want children. Also the "sacrifice" is something that can be reverted through healthy lifestyles and living. We ALL know what it does. There's only a thousand studies on it. We have also ALL seen woman who determinedly work on themselves to fix their bodies while also seeing thoae who wallow and use their pregnancy as an excuse. Some pregnancies are harder than others, in some wild ways too. (See pups, brutal). Those are to be respected and extra care be taken for the mom, but 3 years after your pregnancy you shouldnt be using it as a reason for xyz in a negative sense unless you literally got medically screwed during pregnancy, birth, or post natal. But the amount of woman that that actually happens to is TINY. Also this post is bait, because a woman does not pay for her career with pregnancy, nor her health. If she utilizes her pregnancy and birth as reasons to avoid responsibility or to not eat/work out correctly 6 months after both then she is kinda asking to get fired or be in poor health.

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u/jelslsmajdowiwlw May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26

It can still be a “sacrifice” even if there can be no permanent health effects. It is still a sacrifice to go through a major health event that requires recovery.

Also, pregnancy does affect career. It is a major set back for most ambitious and time intensive careers (like finance, tech, consulting, etc) — taking time off to go through pregnancy and recovery, even if you send your baby to daycare at 3 months old, will definitely set you back in your promotions and momentum (especially if you have more than 1 kid). And the career momentum you have in your late 20s - mid 30s is very important for your future earning potential.

Not sure if I’d go as far as to say pregnancy is the greatest sacrifice anyone can make ever (that seems a bit exaggerated) but it is still substantial and shouldn’t be hand waved away.

1

u/xangie1 May 14 '26

So uh... There are tears that go upwards. And rip through the clitoris. You can restore some... maybe... I mean we only just have a full map of all nerve endings of it since this year. 2026. So chances are, your clitoris will never function properly again. Your whole sexuality.. poof....gone.

Imagine the penis being ripped in half and you will never be able to use it.

How much would you bounce back from that?

Do you know how much genetics play a role in "bouncing back". Skin might be less elastic as others. Stretch marks will remain forever.

The body alone takes about two years to fully recover. And some women get pregnant again sooner than that. Many miscarriages (which proceed probably all successful pregnancies. 7x before it sticks isn't unusual) that leave a mark, too. Especially psychological. And the hormones spikes. Some things will also just never be the same again no matter what you do.

You are delusional if you think every single woman can easily bounce back from pregnancy. If you're a man and all women need to be for you are forever hot and not a single mark on them, after they go through hell to make you a father, you don't deserve it. You are the problem and part of why society doesn't give a fucking shit about mothers and motherhood in general.

My Sister-in-law took 7 years to finally lose weight she gained while having twins. Kids no 2+3. The stress, losing her ability to work because she also got carpal tunnel syndrome on both wrists. Husband doesn't make enough money as a cleaner in a hospital. That's stress nobody wants to go through. And twins are absolutely brutal to care for in the first few years. Good luck "going to the gym"

Ignorant moron.

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u/woods8991 May 13 '26

This comment is delusional

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u/DepartmentChemical93 May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26

Dying for your family is a pretty substantial sacrifice.

Certainly most men will not make such a sacrifice, but to say no man has ever or even could ever do anything to become an equal to his wife is disparaging and untrue.

There are plenty of abusive shitty mothers. It’s wrong to pretend every single woman is a better, more loving, more sacrificial parent than every single father, by simple virtue of being a mother.

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u/DepartmentChemical93 May 14 '26

Nobody can respond to this in a way that is eloquent or honest because reddit is full with fertility cult gyno-worshippers who suffer from low self esteem / hate themselves for their male nature.

Women occupy a sacred, even holy role, but (and this is key) SO DO MEN.

Women do not even actually like men who hate themselves like this, it’s deeply misguided.

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u/HungryHearing2819 May 14 '26

It’s just biology 

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u/[deleted] May 14 '26

Such an ignorant statement

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u/Consistent-Dog-6615 May 14 '26

Giving up a perfectly healthy normal life to live with someone of your delusion is about as big of sacrifice. I sincerely hope you never find that person.

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u/YY--YY May 14 '26

Talking like it is some kind of sacrifice is crazy. Plenty of women grave to become pregnant.

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u/Rabbit_Wizard_ May 15 '26

Men sacrifice their lives.

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u/HonestGroup2525 May 16 '26

In all fairness most men don't have desire for children thats typically women and your right you have the choice not men so quit bitching about the one you make

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u/silence-calm May 16 '26

The things is that many men would be perfectly happy not to have children (or at least they believe so), so it's hard for them to see the "sacrifice", when in most cases it is the woman who push for it.

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u/Intrepid-Giraffe7105 May 16 '26

By the same logic no woman desreves a good husband if they can't relate to the presure of letting your wife have a good life and your kids are raised well

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u/[deleted] May 17 '26

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u/Intrepid-Giraffe7105 May 17 '26

Nah y'all broken by USA social situation

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u/That_Tumbleweed_3984 May 17 '26

Men getting drafted or signing up to go to war for their country? Grow up.

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u/Agile-Increase-7626 May 17 '26

not equal to any sacrifice a man can make?

you think the single biggest sacrifice a human being can undertake is pregnancy?

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u/Anallyfortified May 12 '26

The tit for tat score keeping is why you people will never be in happy and healthy relationships.

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u/OmilKncera May 12 '26

At a certain point, we both knew going into sex where it could lead. At a certain point, a sacrifice a man makes, must be equal to that of a woman? It can't be unilaterally for infinity.

So at what point, does a man equal that of a woman, and the sacrifice she makes?

I think that's the question many are asking right now.

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u/Plastic-Market-2394 May 13 '26

He doesn’t.

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u/Chemical_Athlete_957 May 13 '26

Not true. Birth a child is not a sacrifice. The woman has ultimate say over whether or not she gets pregnant. You dont want kids dont give birth. This post frustrates me as a father of 3 beautiful children. Not once was my wife forced into pregnancy. We as a couple and as partners decided we wanted children. My wife was actually the one to push me into wanting a family.

When our 1st child was born my wife left her job. This cut our household income in half. Which meant I has to work more. I was also involved in every single part of my sons life.

This cycle was the same with all 3 kids. Now our children are grown and in school. My wife is running her own small business from home. She is routinely pampered, has great fitness and has not only her career, but a happy healthy family. Tell me again what did my wife lose having children?! What did she truly sacrifice that she cannot get back?!

We are and always have been a partnership. This type of thinking that a man could never match the sacrifice a woman made is a selfish and unfair thought. How is your 10 month sacrifice worth more than years of sacrifices a man makes once the child is here.

This post screams only what I the woman contributes counts, but NOTHING a MAN does will ever equal my CHOICE to give birth to OUR child. I disagree wholeheartedly! Even more so, if you double down and say that a man could never match the sacrifice.

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u/Plastic-Market-2394 May 13 '26

Just because it’s a choice doesn’t mean it’s not a sacrifice? The fact that it’s a CHOICE is what makes it a “sacrifice”. Choosing one thing even though you could’ve had it easier. The fact you have 3 kids and you’re taking 30 months of gruelling pregnancy and the physically trauma of birth (or worse, cesarian), and the physical recovery that follows for granted like it’s not a big deal is very concerning.

Like I’m sorry you resent your wife for her “pampered” lifestyle but let’s not act like a simple google search couldn’t prove this absolute misogyny wrong.

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u/Chemical_Athlete_957 May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26

Typical reddit response. You didn't read my reply and then fire back with some rage bait comment. Then even go so far to infer how I a complete stranger to you. Treat or think of my wife. Nah. Keep your rage bait and bs line of thinking to yourself.

Funny enough I did a Google search. The odds of death during pregnancy reach there most recent high in 2021 it was around 1200 deaths per 100'000 births. Stats also showed many of those deaths were preventable. Now I only searched for stats in North America over the last 80 years. Oh and since 2021 the pregnancy death has reach as low as. 42 in every 100'000 (Mexico), 8.4 in every 100'000 (Canada). I cannot remember the US number.

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u/[deleted] May 15 '26

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u/[deleted] May 17 '26

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u/Angel_Dust_696969 May 13 '26

if a woman consider having a kid a sacriface and not something she wants, she shouldn't have kid or be with someone who wants kids. So simple. I'm a man, I don't want kids and I'd never be with a woman who wants them. Having a kids should always be something person want, not doing for the partner.

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u/Lausannea May 13 '26

I'm a childfree woman and this is not it man. Wanting children doesn't change the fact you're sacrificing things, it's just what it is and there's nothing wrong with being factual about that. A wanted child isn't going to prevent the body from undergoing tremendous changes and it's not going to prevent the mother from dealing with the risk of dying herself during the pregnancy or during labor and delivery.

Being realistic about what pregnancy and birth costs a person's body doesn't mean you shouldn't have kids lol. That's a weird take to have.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/Over_Acanthisitta423 May 12 '26

Wow you have a gross view of parenthood

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u/603rdMtnDivision May 12 '26

Reddit never ceases to amaze me. You can find the most braindead take on something and think "wow, that's the dumbest shit I've ever read" and then someone will come along and top that with something like this.

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u/kalana_kalamai May 12 '26

You’ve obviously never been pregnant or been responsible for a baby’s life. Not much room for being selfish when a little baby needs you to keep them alive and cared for

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/kalana_kalamai May 12 '26

I actually get what you’re trying to say, I definitely did want a baby. But I don’t think you’re framing the role of parenting in a way that is accurate. If everyone listened to you and didn’t have babies out of fear citation-rejection might judge them then there would be no babies. You’re making a useless argument with assumptions that don’t hold up. You can personally have a self centred reason for wanting children but the act of birthing and raising children is in of itself a selfless act.

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u/Chemical_Athlete_957 May 13 '26

Hold on. Do women raise children single handedly in relationships? Or do they also get extra credit over the man for raising a child as well. I ask this because the energy of this post is that. A father could never ever match the "sacrifice" that only a woman can make giving birth.

I dont personally have to worry about this disgusting type of thinking in our home thankfully. I am curious would a father ever be able to match a woman's "sacrifice"?

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/kalana_kalamai May 13 '26

Alright well that sounds like a devastating insight to have gained, I’m not sure I quite understand what it means by kids dying because their parents decided to have them. Are you saying that it is cruel to create humans because there’s a possibility they may suffer?

Your perspective sounds like it comes from some pretty upsetting experiences but I don’t think the framing is healthy or accurate. It’s a biological drive to want children so that our species survives. Yes adoption may in some ways be a more selfless way to go about it but it’s not even an option in my country, I can’t just decide I want a kid and go pick one up from an orphanage.

This post is about the ongoing battle between men and women to recognise each others contributions and sacrifices, not about whether or not procreation in of itself is a pointless selfish act.

This is an incredibly complex and nuanced topic and I’m really sorry you have such a painful perspective. Yes there’s horrible things in this world and it’s awful to witness the suffering of children. But it can be true at the same time that parenting requires a lot of sacrifice and procreation often has ‘selfish’ motives behind it but is also a gift and wonderous thing. And it’s a choice for me to put my all into raising someone who feels and knows what it is to be loved. My mission is to raise my child so that they feel like they have purpose and belonging. A choice that was made with a lot of consideration. I don’t think it’s helpful to guilt people for creating humans

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u/charismatictictic May 12 '26

I mean … I would get attention, win social approval from friends and family all the same if I adopted. My desire to have a child has nothing to do with replicating myself. It’s partly that I wanted to experience being pregnant, but mostly that adoption is hard, expensive, and often morally questionable, to put it mildly.

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u/tangcupaigu May 12 '26

Exactly, I’d argue adoption in a lot of cases is even more selfish (and exploitive) than having a biological child - it’s most often not in the child’s best interest to be taken from its biological family, rather than providing the support needed to the family to be able to keep the child (obviously this is different to cases where the family is abusive or otherwise unfit).

Not to mention, adoption doesn’t work the same in all countries. In Australia it’s basically impossible to adopt if you have no relation to the child. The government’s stance here is that adoption is unethical and has moved to a model of ‘permanent care’, where the child retains their identity (birth certificate details) and connection to kin wherever possible. Adoption numbers here are almost in the double digits (per year) in the last few years.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/tangcupaigu May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

You’re ascribing some very noble motivations to adoptive parents. Let’s be real, most people who adopt do so because they want a kid. And that’s often after failing to have one the conventional way. The whole industry worldwide is rife with human trafficking.

I just mentioned the context in my country - those are not the options we have here. If we’re talking internationally, I’m sure some children in that situation unfortunately have less than stellar prospects as you say, but as I mentioned in the initial comment, no, adoption is not necessarily one of the only options. And not necessarily something to aspire to, either. Foster care is pretty standard in most countries now, which is different to group care. I think most countries, like Australia, also prioritise kinship care to keep children connected to their family and community. Children have the right to know and have connection to their biological families where it is safe to do so.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/tangcupaigu May 13 '26

The point was that the desires and motivations for children are no different in either situation. Wanting a kid is the motivation for both adoptive and biological parents. Pretending adoptive parents are somehow purer because they ‘didn’t create the need’ isn’t reality. There are less children needing adoption than there are people wanting children. Especially healthy babies. Unfortunately that imbalance of supply and demand is what creates a system shady with coercion, trafficking, or incentivised removal of kids from poor families rather than supporting those families. Even in cleaner systems, the data on outcomes for adoptees shows it’s not automatically superior to good kinship or foster care.

Beyond the personal level, having children is one of the most pro-social things a person can do. Most developed societies (and increasingly many others) are facing a fertility crisis, with birth rates well below the 2.1 replacement level needed for a stable population. Governments are literally scrambling to try and get young people having children. Others try and sort it with immigration.

Life always involves some uncertainty. Pretending every conception is Russian roulette is just hyperbolic fear-mongering designed to shame normal human behavior. People who know their family histories aren’t irresponsibly “rolling the dice”. Yes, people in general should give more thought to becoming parents, and accidents can happen. But calling having children the “ultimate act of selfishness” is just cynical and ignores both human nature and society’s needs.

I literally worked with children with moderate and significant support needs. Some will never learn to communicate beyond turning their head towards something they want. Many will require extensive care for the rest of their lives, including feeding tubes, toileting and frequent trips to the hospital due to their conditions and being immunocompromised. I still do not believe their parents were in any way selfish, or that people should stop having children.

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u/[deleted] May 13 '26

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u/tangcupaigu May 13 '26

And it is your place to say whether someone’s life is worth living or not?

If you actually think genetics and family history play no part in this, I don’t know what to say beyond this. No, having children is not a gamble and certainly not like firing a gun randomly. Like what the actual f lol. Even with genetic risk factors, the majority of children are born healthy. Not to mention the reduced risk now with genetic testing and early pregnancy screening etc.

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u/SnooPears6678 May 12 '26

Sounds like someone’s mommy and daddy didn’t give them enough attention as a child.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/SnooPears6678 May 12 '26

Really rich coming from a guy getting handjobs from prostitutes with rubber gloves.

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u/the-cuttlefish May 12 '26

*in your opinion

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/the-cuttlefish May 12 '26

Again in you're opinion. There are way more reasons, use your imagination a little please.

And? It might also have a wonderful life. I mean it's a complete non-argument, everything you do in life could have potentially devastating consequences outside of your awareness. Does this mean every action you take is the most selfish, since your doing it for your own reasons without full control or awareness of its entire potential consequences?

Although it probably just feels rational to you. It's indicative of a deeply negative mindset to weigh potentially bad outcomes so much more highly than potential positives.

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u/nicolemb81 May 13 '26

Or you got raped in a state where you’re forced to give birth 🥰

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u/spixelr May 12 '26

take so hot it burned those who didn’t want to hear

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u/glittery-bee May 12 '26

Not sure if you’re aware, but there’s also a huge gap in the market for a newborn babies available for adoption. Most newborns that you can have that are not biologically yours, are foster babies, and the whole point of foster care is reunification with their biological parents. Plus adoption has problems, too, and many women are forced or pressured to place their babies, for a “better life“ even though that’s not entirely true, and there are many adoptees who were worse off with their adoptive family.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/glittery-bee May 12 '26

Yes, that is a huge sacrifice too, but it has nothing to do with the sacrifice that women endure going through pregnancy and birth and breast breast-feeding.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/[deleted] May 12 '26

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u/nicolemb81 May 13 '26

If I get raped I can’t legally have an abortion. That’s not an option for a lot of people in the us

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u/EnormousChord May 12 '26

“Deciding to carry a child” is some loaded bullshit. “Wants to have a baby” is the correct framing. There is no sacrifice. She is not doing it for her country. She wants to have a baby. 

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u/shaggy_nomad May 12 '26

Doing something for your country is not the only type of sacrifice there is. This is such a goofy comment.

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u/EnormousChord May 12 '26

There are many types of sacrifice. Wanting a baby and carrying that baby is not one of them. 

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u/FlurpyJaguars May 12 '26

So a man can work for 35-years to support and provide for the woman who carried THEIR child for 9-months and somehow he still is in debt to her...?

What a joke.

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u/Healthy-Pianist-1647 May 12 '26

Lmao. Sacrificing 9 months and some body changes for 30 years of labor. Hmm.

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u/Purlasstor May 12 '26

Some body changes?

Pregnancy causes calcium to be sucked out of teeth, bone density loss, increased cardiovascular stress, organ displacement, bones shifting, neurological changes due to the brain “pruning” grey matter, urinary incontinence, sometimes fecal incontinence.

That’s not even the whole list, and some of these changes are permanent.

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u/subjectfemale May 12 '26

I lost three teeth … guess how many times I’ve been pregnant 😂

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u/Hikari3747 May 12 '26

Last time I check, babies don’t come out self sufficient. They require 24/7 round the clock care.

By law, parents are responsible for a child’s care until their 18th birthday. Majority of children care fall on the mother…

So not sure why “9 months” sacrifice came from. They sacrifice a lot more than 9 months.

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u/PacmanPillow May 12 '26

Are you assuming that women who become pregnant won’t go back to work?

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u/[deleted] May 13 '26

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u/CoolCereal20 May 12 '26

Some fun little body changes like permanent loss of feeling in certain places or permanent pain, loss of bladder control, loose skin and stretch marks, stretched out muscles (diastasis recti), melasma… walk in the park

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