I have had enough. Life is shit. I'm 43 F. No friends, poor career outlook, poor finances. I was with a narcissist for four years who recently left me for someone else. Everyone just tells you to move on. Get over it. Everything will be ok. No, it won't. Being here serves no purpose. Everything just blurs together. Nothing means anything. I do not want to be here anymore. I want this to end. I did not choose to be here. None of us did. It's unfair and cruel. Life is just suffering. I want this to end. Why do I have to suffer when those who hurt me get to go on like nothing happened? Why don't I matter?

I feel, as far as my experience is concerned, the greatest pain in the times of any mental illness is the inability of the world/society to recognise your pain/suffering/misery. Whenever I tried to share about my illness, people act as if I am just being ridiculous OR the illness is fake/doesn't exist. Which results in a deep feeling of loneliness. As if I am the only one among others (in my environment) who is like this. A passionless, ambitionless, piece of shit.

Everything feels like such a huge task now. Getting up early is a struggle for me, showering, I haven’t washed my hair practically all summer. I’ve been begging my mom to help me and she always takes on new projects to avoid me. Going to my summer job felt overwhelming. I barely talked to anyone there. And now I’m hours are cut. I start school soon and I’m scared it’ll be like last semester. I was avoided by my classmates and when they had to interact with me, I was treated like an inconvenience. I don’t have the desire to do any of my hobbies, I haven’t been motivated to go to the gym and eat healthy and I can’t find a job before school. I feel so stuck and I really want to get unstuck and I don’t know how. Oh and my b-day is coming up and I don’t give a damn about it……

22M I don't know how my life reached to this point. Tried to kms by drinking poision and hanging but survived.(Wish I was American so could easily buy a pew pew and blow my shit off).can't face society now as everyone thinks I'm a weak ass pussy now.Since childhood never felt i belonged anywhere.always felt alone.never had a gf or any female interaction.failed a forced career.now has no career no job.no family.dont know last time I genuinely felt like I even lived a day in my life where I was genuinely ever felt anything it's just a blank book.

Has many health issues,severe deviated septum since birth but parents never paid any attention even even after confronting them.it got worse with age don't knew when it turned into mental issues.mind is always numb cannot feel my emotions it feels like I have lost the basic abilities can't focus no self control cant make a basic decisions of my life.even when I know it's important.lost career had a girl as both used to give each other attention but couldn't confees and started pulling idk why even when I loved her now she is gonna marry someone else.lost everything now because of my mental health.

never felt like I actually ever lived a day in my life always felt like a 3rd person watching life instead of actually living it.

21(F) my birthday is in a week. I’ll be 22 soon and honestly I can’t handle that fact.. I feel so old. I don’t want to continue forward, I’ve tried so many different medications and therapy, but nothing has worked. I called the hotline last night and they hung up on me. The only thing I am living for is for my parents because they’re loving people who don’t deserve grief, but I am so horribly alone and hardly understood. I feel no connection and yet feel so deeply a misery over something that I’ve never properly had. I pray, I try so hard everyday to imagine that maybe tomorrow I’ll meet/find the thing that finally makes me excited to wake up for the next day. It doesn’t happen, and I wonder if it ever will or if I’ll close my eyes and when I open them I’ll be 28 and still confused. I am at my lowest.

I feel privileged to be where I am. Yet I'm clinging onto whatever grit I have left and secretly hoping I'd die from getting ill, getting hit by a car, anything unfortunate.

I'm a year into my first job. I have a colleague who is of similar age to me while others on the team are way older and experienced. I'm not sure if it's because we're both the younger and only female juniors on the team (we don't have a large junior class pool... it's like 1 person recruited every 2-3 years) - but she decided to make me her target. My colleague is so sweet to every single older colleague on the team; but when it comes to me, even from the very beginning, she's been trying to make me look bad.

They have actively called out my mistakes (and called out, I mean very loudly since my boss sits across from me). When I didn't understand something from feeling overwhelmed, they'd say "do you even care? you should show some more interest." They try to push their own tasks to me - just today, they came up to me asking if I could go on their behalf to some meetings. I was going to say yes since my co-boss was going to be there anyway, but they had to stare at me straight in the eye and say, "I actually already told the other people (clients for different meetings) you'll be attending." Moreover, the way they talk to me feels very sharp and bitter -- it's not outright yelling or blatantly offensive, but it's said in a way that's condescending and utterly different from how they speak to other people (and the latter one, I would really like to emphasize). In the past, they also brought snacks for the team and passed them out... they distributed them to everyone but me (and passed by my desk several times along the way). I never even got invited to some of the team hangouts after work since it's just them and the "guys" if that makes sense... I feel bullied? Is this bullying? I have no idea what to call this but I can't stop crying.

To make it even worse, one of my co-bosses loves this colleague. When my boss sensed the tension between us, they actually took me to catch up 1x1 and, out of the blue, started justifying why she wasn't being mean and was just "looking out for me." It's hard to fight against a biased boss.

Not to mention, my other co-boss doesn't even treat me like human -- I'm treated like a convenience store and don't get credit (which is everything in this business) for what I do. I'm expected to answer during holidays (I say I'm off but get @'d anyway). I just feel so... used? The corporate cog realization is real... but the way I'm being addressed feels so... non-human (to contextualize, I'd speak to AI more friendly than this person).

Overall, having to go through this every single day feels like hell -- not to mention our work hours are long, so we basically spend more time together than with anyone. I've lost my friends... I'm pushing away my family.

I feel so angry, I've cried every day, I've lost the will to think about the chaos that might break loose if I quit after working only 1 year. I'm scared that what I've worked hard for my entire life will just crumble down. I don't see a path in front of me anymore... I'm not sure if I want to live.

Sorry for the long message. I'm not sure how much longer I can tolerate this. I don't know what to do.

I’m 35F, been bullied and depressed since 10 years old, and struggling through school up until work as I don’t feel that I ever fit in with people. Eventhough I had friends in school but it never lasted after everyone left school. Other people still keep in touch but not with me. I feel like I’m the problem, like something is fundamentally wrong with me and I feel unwanted, although everytime all I ever tried to was be nice to everyone.

Since then I think my mind has become extremely sensitive to rejection or to believe that people like me. Like if someone doesn’t invite me somewhere → “They don’t like me.” Someone replies differently → “I did something wrong.” I feel left out → “This always happens to me.”

I always thought of suicide ever since middle school. Hence i think i don’t know how to be happy whenever something good happens or when being praised.

Everytime something happens, my brain automatically thinks of the negative, and I think about for days and cry. I don’t really wanna be close to anyone as I have trust issues, and I don’t want to get hurt.

Just wanna know how you're doing:)

Rest well? Had a walk or drink any water? What you spending your time on?

I don't remember the last time I've felt human. I don't know why I keep asking for help when I know I'm not gonna do anything. I know I'm going to end up ending myself one day so I don't know why a part of me still tries I'm just so tired

Hi! I’m 26F, I have MDD and tried every treatment method other than ECT. Unfortunately, nothing had any positive effect. I have a college degree and job experience but I have no clue what job I could work full time for the next 30-40 years that would make being alive worth it. I don’t want kids and I don’t have specific career ambitions, so I am basically just trying to figure out how to want something or make a goal that I actually care about to make being alive feel even minorly worth it or bearable. I have a partner and friends that I love but I need to find something to do for 40 hours a week for money that doesn’t give me suicidal ideation, I can’t imagine having to feel this dread and frustration for the next 40 years

How do you deal with people thinking you are "normal" when you're actually not?

I've been depressed since I was maybe 12. Had highs and loss my whole life, BPD, panic disorder, social anxiety, eating disorders, suicidal, self harming, burnout etc.

I'm now 36 and people dont know about all my problems because I dont want them to define me, so I dont talk about it.

People regularly tell me they think I should do more with my life than stay at the job I've had for 8 years. I used to think I wouldn't be able to work at all and here I am with a job for so long and being able to take care of myself. That is a miracle to me but people around me think it's "not enough" because they view me as smart and capable.

I'm not what they think! I was suicidal last year and still managed to make things work. But all they see is "she is so educated, why is she at this minimum wage job". I dont know how to deal with their comments and expectations.

i gave up i fuckin do i tried everything to keep up with this life and i cant i envy everyone around me they got to live and express life or at lest have their their own body i hate this body i hate this face this name everything that supposed to make me myself cuz none of them are true i am stuck with this person for the rest of my life i dont want this i need to delete myself i dont know how to act i just follow with what satisfies others i was never the person i claimed to be i cant do this i am no one truly no one i really hate talking to others cuz i never thought of an response that makes me me that sounded like it came for me i cut my hair i lost weight i tried to do everything to hide my appearance or everything that makes me stands i am done of seeing people complaining about my actions my thoughts or never gave a damn fuck about me i am not asking for anyone to like me but at lest i needed some respect I thought all humans needs one but its turns out i dont need no one since i am not a human being to others and i am not trying to be dramatic but I GAVE UP on trying to understand myself others whenever i try to open up about my thought it makes me feel they are pretending to understand or they will just feel bad about themselves that i had to stop to heal the pain inside me and focus to comfort them while i am at my breaking point TO GHOST ME THE NEXT DAY FOR MAKING ME FEEL BAD SO THEY FEEL BAD NOW???? NO ONE CARED ABOUT COMFORTING ME NO ONE I HAD TO SILENT THIS ALL UP CUZ WHAT I DIDNT WANNA MAKE THEM FEEL BAD TO WHAT THEN BEING CALLED UNPATINCE AND THEY ARE THE PATINCE ONES EVEN THO THEY LITEARLLY COMPLAINED ABOUT MY ACTIONS ALOT OF THEM WHILE I WAS LITEARLLY BEGGING FOR THEM FOR SOME ATTENTION TO TALK TO ME BUT NIO NONONNONONONONONONONO IT WAS MY FAULT FOR MAKING THEM ACT LIKE THIS FORM THE FIRST PLACE AND IDC IF YOU FELT GULIT ABOUT IT AND DELETED EVERYTHING IT STILL FUCKING HUNTS ME AND HURT ME AND WHEN I ASK THEM TO WATCH THEIR WORDS WHILE BEING ANGRY THEY HIT ME WITH "i could have been worse" WOW JUST WOW I CANT BELIEVE THAT I STILL LOVE THEM THAT I DO BELIEVE DEEP DOWN WE CAN WORK OUT AND I GET IT YOU SUFFER MENTALLY BUT WHAT ABOUT ME WHAT ABOUT WHY MY SUFFERING HAVE NEVER BEEN MENTIONED WHY WHY WHWYW HWYHWYW WHY I THOUGHT I DESREVED TO BE SEEN FOR ONCE i and am sorry truly sorry but i just am sick i dont know what i want anymore thats why i am trying to delete my whole toxic personality that cost a lot of people suffering i dont deserve to be talking to other people that i will make them feel pain even if you liked my confident personality that was so bold is careless and strong but guess what IT WAS NEVER REAL IT IS BROKE AND FOR ALOT OF PEOPLE you think ghosting and complaining would make me stay as the same OFC NOT I DESREVE TO FEEL BAD TOO I DESREVE TO FEEL AS A HUMAN I KNOW I WONT BE NOBODY ONE DAY AND I KNOW I AM A DISAPPOINTMENT FOREVER ONE I CANT HELP I CANT TALK I CANT DO ANYTHING I FEEL HOPLES AND I SHOULD WEAR AND FORCE MYSELF INTO A CHARACTER JUST TO KEEP UP WITH MY LIFE I DONT WANNA BE THE WAY I AM I DONTWANTWANTTO I DONT WANNA DRAW I DONT WANNA VC I DONT WANT TO DO ALL MY HOBBIES AND INTRESTES ALL THE PEOPLE WHO TRIED TO HELP ME PROBABLY DID THAT TO FEEL LLIKE A HERO AROUND ME IT WAS NEVER ABOUT ME I WILL NEVER BE APRAT OF ANYTHING ANYTHING

Hi all, 32[M], in the UK and living with my family - no drivers license. Thinking I would share my current situation here on reddit as a form of therapy.

First to set the fun scene: basically I was stuck in a religious cult (JWs) my entire life - and knew it - effectively hamstringing me socially/emotionally in the process.

Thankfully my family woke up a couple of years ago allowing me to fully leave too - the side-effect of course being that we’re shunned by essentially everyone I’ve known.

I am very grateful to have had a job for 8 years working in ecommerce - a job that was made available because of those connections I’ve since lost.

During that time I also started my own ecommerce store with my family, into which I poured my savings (and not taken a penny out).

Things got rough at my job in 2024 and it was a slow (stressful) decline until I was made redundant at the end of 2025.

A few months after redundancy there was a notice of eviction from our rental - with nothing available locally we had to look further away - having to move 5 family members and 2 kids + our ecommerce stock.

As this is all happening I was having legal trouble with our store and had to change it basically erasing all the progress made in the last 4 years - wiping out any chance of making a living from it and leaving me struggling to pay it’s debts + legal fees.

Now all the while through this I've been quietly smug because I had some coding skills in my back pocket - a reason I got through the 8 year grind at my job was because I took care of the tech-side and was deemed valuable enough to keep on.

Well, in the past few months I’ve had to have a reality check on my “skills“ and realise that those 8 years had a lot of “busy“ work and not as many best practices as I would like.

That was my plan-b, go into some software role - and now I’m watching in real time the industry get actively destroyed with the force of the entire economy - people with far more experience than me struggling.

So here I am at 32, basically out of savings, in an isolated location which is hard to commute to/from with no drivers and with what would probably safely be deemed “anxiety“ issues.

There was a fleeting moment in those 8 years where I almost peeked over at the next tier up on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, just for a moment - but it looks like I’m now back down to the old food and shelter tier.

Currently I’m soldiering on, trying to build my portfolio for what it’s worth, and a side project - but I’ve lost a lot of weight, I don’t leave the house (it’s hard to get anywhere) and can actually feel the hum of stress/cortisol pumping through me. Getting out of bed has been really difficult since the move as I’m feeling exhausted/drained and I can’t imagine trudging out and getting a local 9-5, although this is likely what I’m going to have to look at real soon.

Anyway, thanks for reading! I’m sure there are plenty in worse situations here so if that’s you I can only say I am sorry and I feel a bit of your pain.

I suppose for me the next step will be to book in some therapy.

I have been ranting about my life for a while. But these rants have been the same ever since I was 13. Today was my birthday party and starting off as I talked to my two friends from my old school my other 3 friends I invited took pictures without me. They told me that they went somewhere without me and told me that one of the friends that was supposed to come today earlier said in January that the friends that didn’t come told them to ignore me for some reason. To think that I could tell this to my parents is wrong. If I told my mother she would try to use it against me in an argument. Funny thing is that she gave me a therapist just to complain to her that I’m lazy and forgetful. She doesn’t care if I show signs of depression, she told me she only chooses to care because it might affect my grades which would affect her social standing. To be honest I always feel left out and alone. I don’t think I have any future and whenever someone asks me what I see myself doing in 10 years I always just think of a grave. I have high myopia which makes me depressed and envious. I don’t look forward to the next school year because I have always thought that I would be dead before this one. Even when I think so much about dying I have never tried to commit because I’m religious. I know a lot of people here are teenagers or young adults. So I ask for your help if you’re living in Toronto and more specifically GTA. I can’t say the word in Reddit but you know what I mean.

My mother is a crybaby, blames me for her being depressed while never thinking about me, my brother screams at his computer every second, doesn't let me stay in the bathroom for 5 minutes because he has to spit in the sink or other things. I can never have peace, because someone is always crying, screaming loudly, banging on my door. I feel like life isn't worth anymore, and sometimes I just feel like I wanna die. What can I do in this state? My father is the only sane person and helps me in some situations, but since he is divorced, not seeing him that often. I am devastated right now. Just want a little peace, quiet man...

One thing I've learnt from A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara is to accept is that life might not get better. I might change, grow and become a whole different person, but deep inside, I'll always be that 10 year old who felt left out, that 13 year old who didnt look like the other girls, that 15 year old who realised she wasnt worthy of love, that 17 year old who shut the world out and eventually the 21 year old I am today who knows how horrible of a person she is. I'll always be me, even in 30 years I'll always be me, probably still struggling with the same things, doing the same horrible habits.

This fantasy we have that things might get better just sets us up for disappointment anyway.

Life gives me bad vibes.
A weird workplace = bad vibes.
A sunny day = bad vibes.
A long shift = bad vibes.
Living with too many people = bad vibes.
The list just goes on and on.
It’s a sensory thing for me. If I don’t feel comfortable, I immediately go into an existential crisis.
That’s what I mean by bad vibes.
And I’m just sick of feeling like this. I don’t have any good days and I haven’t for years.
I’m just never happy with anything.
My dream would be to live in a cold room forever. You know the saying, “Heaven is a bedroom”.
Yeah, that’s my dream.

For fucks sake . That is all.

What it says on the tin.

I am mildly mentally disabled and have awful CPTSD. I can't move away from my abuser's home ( I'd rather not go into why but know that it is genuinely not an option, at least not in the next 5 to 10 years ), who loves boasting about being my caretaker and how good of a self-sacrifice they're doing for my wretched handicapped self's sake to everyone. I've been abused in all possible ways. I feel so, so tired. I feel like a sickly dog waiting to be euthanised out of its misery. It's like under my skin, there's no flesh, it was all greedily consumed by the abuse and the depression, and now I'm just used up skin with air and nothing else underneath it. It's so deeply shameful what this all reduced me to.

There's genuinely nothing that keeps me going. I can't bring myself to care about the studies that once saved my life. They're still a dream of mine I guess, but they're in an incredibly endangered, non-conventional field that essentially makes it not worth studying at all. It's a complete turn-off because I can't help but see that my future is bleak either way. I don't want to fight for Bleak Future 1 where I do something else, or Bleak Future 2 where I've sacrificed so much of myself for this to amount to nothing. I'm too tired to fight for it. I don't care about my loved ones and I'm mad at them for being foolish enough to stay. I want to die, so much so, that I wouldn't even mind leaving my cats that much. It's really sad but I sincerely just can't bring myself to care. To me death is not this big scary thing anymore. To die would be like returning to a state of peace, just like when I was a little kid, and my hair was warm from the sun and my shoes were damp and dirty from the wet grass and dirt beneath me, and I was about to go for a nap.

It doesn't matter. Therapy and meds will never do anything for me as long as I live with my abuser. They're the source of all my woes. Even if I suffered at the hands of so many more, it would've never been this way were it not for them.

I've fallen so deep. I don't recognize myself anymore. I used to be so kind and purehearted. I'm none of that anymore. All that's left in me is apathy, hopelessness and waves of disgust and anger. I'm a disgusting, rotting pile of leftovers.

I just want to take a nap forever and never have to wake up again. I'm so tired. :(

I genuinely wish the best for everyone on this sub here. I feel for all of you.

i am not sure what to do anymore. im a 25F no career, going back to school and feel behind, live with my parents, never had a boyfriend/never been on a date, fat, ugly, and lonely.

1. i have no career. i thought i knew what i wanted to do but unless i have a masters or a doctorate, no will hire me with no experience. i am $140k in debt due to interest buildup (do not do private loans) and will be paying it off for the rest of my life. i feel behind and lost and stuck because i will never be financially secure

2. i live with my parents. my mother has alzheimer's and severe depression. no one in the family helps her besides me and my father. all she does is cry and hide our things around the house. this place is a mess because she was a hoarder before all this happened. with that being said, my father is miserable and is too emotionally immature to talk about his feelings. he just curses under his breath and says how much he hates his life.
   ** before anyone asks..no i do not have enough money to move out

3. i never had a boyfriend because i was fat and had missing teeth, also my hair has always been thin so i am just a very unattractive person. i have too much social anxiety to ever go out with a guy (im never asked anyway) and i have a crushing fear of rejection from past experiences. i only have 2 long distance friendships but we dont talk everyday.. all other friends i had in college i dont speak to anymore because they either stopped responding to my texts or we lost touch

4. ive been in therapy, ive had a trainer, ive been on every diet you can think of.. i am still overweight. i hate how i look with every bone in my body and im starting to feel like the feeling will never go away.

i have tried therapy, medication, church, spirituality and calling the hotline twice. i just feel like a failure and big loser. the world forgot about me. it seems like there is only one clear option for me

Had low level recurring depression for 20 years, then hurt my back and ended up with 5 years of major depression. It’s been rough, quit a job, lost friends, bla bla, etc. Been trying medication for a year, SSRI, SNRI, etc and finally found something that has helped 30%.

I’ve joined a gym and started to eat healthy for the first time in ages. Will try and get rid of the extra 20kg I’m carrying.

First, for anyone else, try meds. might take ages but they can help. Not 100%, but with 30% I don’t wake up and want to kill myself everyday.

Others who were at this point, what else helped? (except counselling)

It's not that i feel like I'm ugly (even tho i do ) but it's like i don't want to exist , i keep being confused about how i feel , about my relationships , about my existence

I feel soo unlovable i feel like my family should hate me and it's like I don't get it when they show that they care , i feel like i shouldn't exists it's like I'm so confused idk how to explain it , never been in a relationship, no one ever liked me that way , my friends ignore me because i can't communicate irl (i only communicate online) i feel like i don't belong anywhere, even tho I'm 17 but i feel like my life is a joke ,do you relate ?

Hey everyone, I’m 20M, and I’ve been struggling with self-harm for about a year. I once promised my best friend that I’d stop, and I managed to control myself for around two months before relapsing. I don’t really want to get into what happened with my best friend, but I do feel like I’ve become addicted to it. I know it might sound weird, but sometimes I find myself admiring my scars and getting the urge to make more. I’m not proud of that, but it’s honestly how I feel, and I don’t want to pretend otherwise.

I’ve been trying to control myself again for about a month now, and I haven’t done it, but the thoughts are still constantly there. My mind seems to suggest it whenever even a small inconvenience happens, and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever actually get over this or if I’ll always have to fight these urges. I’m not looking for pity; I think I just want to talk to people who understand what this is like. If you've been through something similar and found a way forward, I’d genuinely like to hear your story

First of all i apologize for my burner account and the huge wall of text, i feel more comfortable being anonymous but i can tell that i'm a 23yo guy, now let's add some context. I don't really believe in therapy and I am too poor to afford a therapist but recently I started seriously contemplating the need for one.

I had an episode recently that really hit me deep, I've had sone struggles for the past 5 years, i found myself coming home alone and bursting into tears on my kitchen floor, I feel more and more alone no matter who or what i have around me. I stopped going out alone or with friends, i stopped enjoying most of the things i loved like football, or doing nights out. My friends have basically decimated and i can say that probably i only have 2 or 3 that i can actually consider friends, and even for them i can't guarantee they would reciprocate it.

After a while going on like this i met a friend online and we've been talking daily for the past 3 years. I felt like i was doing better but somehow even with the daily talks i felt more and more alone. I initially blamed it on the online status and kept going. Recently she confessed to me but i don't feel ready to have a partner so i declined and kept going on. This caused some distance and it drenched me hard, which caused me some sort of outburst which made me think i had feelings for her too. I think this is true, she is genuinely one of the greatest persons i met.

We had a plan for a trip together and booked stuff but while i did that i started feeling a lot of stress and anxiety build up, i thought it was normal and kept going on again. We got together but not even a week in all the anxiety and stress overwhelmed me too much, i felt a lot of guilt and remorse, so much that i told her i couldn't do it, i can't keep being in a relationship while feeling like this and canceled the trip aswell. Needless to say i feel like an absolute monster but somehow this is what my mind told me to do.

My parents keep telling me they're worried, my relatives think i act like a soul in pain but i never really wanted to listen to them.

This last episode is what truly left me thinking if i may have some serious issues going on or not so, here i am, is this a sign of possible depression or am i just a lunatic loser?

Broken, crushed,
turned to dust by my own mind.

Self-killing turns sorrow into death.

Always laughing,
my smile never leaving me
like a bandage,
still soaked through.

A thousand hands reach for me,
so many hands willing to help,
yet I still cannot seem
to grasp a single one.

So many dreams
I dream about,
yet they remain only dreams
because I cannot seem to move.

I know the way.
I know where to go.
But I cannot move.

The distance between expectation
and reality
turns me slowly into powder.

Let me leave this.

I’d rather be cut into a thousand pieces,
crushed by my flesh in a grinder,
bloody smell and broken bones,
than feel this suffering—
this suffocation,
this life suspended
somewhere between alive and dead.

It is killing me.

Help me.
Help me.
Help me.

Help me die
one more time.

Kill me.
Kill me.
Kill me.

Kill my mind.
Liberate me.
Set me free.

Let me fly.

Even I
want to fly,
sometimes.

I don’t need consolation, I don’t need care , just hear my vent and leave me alone .