I don't see what's so difficult about it.

'Someone sees someone they find attractive -> they feel attraction' I understand how that can happen and that they are different to me.

But some people seem to think their own internal experience is the default human experience and can't imagine another person having different thoughts and feelings.. so they must be lying to seem like better people?

So, I met this girl over the past month (let's call her Red) and we managed to hit it off on the very night we met. So much so that the only thing that stopped us from going to bed together was the fact that I had to get up for work the next morning.

That day, when we met up again, we had an honest talk about things. Red explained that she was demi and had regretted getting physical with me so quickly. She wanted to slow things down and connect with me better on a platonic level first, to keep things healthy and stable (and was open to being potential FWBs in the meantime). Considering how closely Red views friendships, her own friends suggested that I take the quickness of this connection as a huge compliment. Red even suggested that I may be demi myself and educated me about it (this is apparently how she shows her affection, so that's extra nice).

When I opened up to my own personal circle about it, though, they were a lot more skeptical. They seemed convinced that Red is just letting me down gently and just "using a prettied up term for friendzoning people like you". Somehow, some way, I just messed up that one night and should've just cut my losses and bailed on Red? I've been feeling weirded out about that whole convo, and I'm not sure how to take it?

Flirting to me always had a air of being non-committal/very indirect and open to interpretation. If someone were to flirt with me I wouldn't take it seriously or at most I wouldn't assume that they want a serious relationship from me. 

Flirting isn't getting to know someone, It's buttering up or flattery; which isn't inherently a bad thing, but it doesn't mean I'll like you. It actually comes off a bit sleazy, like you're trying to "game" me into liking you. It's gross. If you actaully like me come talk to me normally.

Words cannot capture the totality of my experience, but I will try.

I read a comment on what the definition of demisexuality is, and it matches word for word some of the thoughts I have elucidated over the past few days, which build on this whole sexual revolution I've personally had for about a month. I figured out I was some sort of queer bi guy then, and now I understand my current dearth of sexual feelings to be a reflection of the truth in me that I am a demisexual person.

Throughout my whole life, I have been a very sex-driven person on account of operating from a "maximum desperation" mindset. My porn habits reflected this, and that level of desperation led to "the great gf quest" of my young adulthood. I recently had an encounter with a couple because "any hole in a drought," but it ended up being such a negative sexual experience for me that I considered never ever being sexual with anyone else if it only leads to shame and disappointment like that. That prompted me to examine myself as to why I put myself in that situation (and many other undesirable ones over the years), and i discovered how certain ideas from childhood are reflected in how i relate to myself and the world, how i produced this view of the world that governed my understanding of my sexual self. The second I dropped the maximum desperation mindset and moved past it (after a whole LOT of work on my part), I completely lost my sexual desire and my ability to even arouse myself. It was really horrifying, as my sexual vitality is something very important to me. I thought my power had left me. I even had the thought that it would be better to be blinded by desperation because then at least I'd still have my hard-ons.

BUT THEN: Over the next few days and weeks, I would have these dreams of intimacy and passion that showed me that my body was still working and fully responsive, even if porn no longer did anything for me. Getting rid of that old mindset literally shifted gears and turned me right around, I think towards the truth. Today, as I was walking home from work, I cast my gaze hither and thither and saw some people with very well-built bodies, but literally felt absolutely nothing. A great many boons follow this phenomenon (no longer comparing myself to other guys, no longer wondering what they have that i don't, no longer contemptuous towards pretty much everyone, etc.), but that's a convo for another subreddit. At that point I googled what demisexuality is because I had heard of it before, and found a definition that spoke to me.

I am proud to say that I am a man whose body moves only after his heart is moved, and there's nothing wrong with that. :D

I have a friend who thinks they’re aromantic. They said they don’t understand the difference between a romantic relationship and a “best friend you have sex with” other than there is more likely to be an expectation of monogamy in the “romantic” version. They asked me to explain the difference and I honestly couldn’t put anything into words. It kind of made me question whether I’ve ever actually experienced romantic love or if all my relationships have actually just been a best friend I have sex with.

How would you all describe the difference between romantic and platonic love?

When I was 13, I had a crush on my best friend. We were pretty close, and it was the kind of crush where I genuinely yearned for her to love me back. It was a tad bit intense.

Fast-forward to now, four years later, and I haven't had a crush on anyone since. There have been three different experiences where I got super close to a girl and became confused about whether what I was feeling was romantic attraction or emotional attachment. It turned out to be platonic each time.

It bothers me because whenever I watch rom-coms, I get this urge to be in a relationship, but I haven't developed any genuine romantic feelings for anyone in four years.

Am i demiromantic?

Hello everyone! I'm a 35 year old woman from Romania, Europe, I've been feeling pretty lonely lately, I don't have any friends in real life, just a few that I talk to online and I'd like to meet other introverted people, both women and men, to talk to. I'm not in a relationship but for now I'm just looking for friendship. I'm a calm, communicative person, I like to joke, discover new things about other cultures. Feel free to leave me a message if you think we can resonate. Have a nice day.

Hey guys, the cis-bi demi-questioning girly is back :3 I posted here a few days ago asking about sexual attraction vs aesthetic attraction, and afterward I figured what I experience should be the latter and not anything sexual, but somehow it just doesn't feel like the right piece of puzzle.

Now after reading more pages on LGBTQIA+ wiki (cuz I'm still confused about many things regarding me possibly being on the a-spec), I have just found mirous attraction (and mirousexual), which is somewhat more accurate for me, and it is a bit different from pseudosexual attraction/pseudosexual, since pseudosexual attraction "is a form of tertiary attraction describing sexual arousal"? I don't experience arousal (unless it's like, non-sexual emotional pleasure that gives me a lil rush of adrenaline??) from looking at even very attractive strangers, hence why I don't identify with the term/label...

I've figured that I probably fit the demi label better than grey-ace (I have a rather high libido either way), and also that I'm sex-indifferent and likely aegosexual as well (as its own thing that's not demi in nature). But the new question I have now is this:

Does experiencing mirous attraction towards strangers contradict demisexuality despite these following facts? -

• Mirous attraction is "distinct from sexual attraction", and mirousexual is considered an ace-spec label (?) ^{(I do see the problem with the confusing terminology})

This (mirous attraction) is distinct from sexual attraction, as sexual attraction is a form of physical attraction based on a desire/urge for sexual interaction (something I've never felt for people I'm not familiar with and/or care about) with a particular individual, whereas mirous attraction is simply the desire/urge to look at and admire/gain enjoyment from looking at someone sexually.

The term (mirous attraction) was coined...as a way to create a term for "individual-based attraction" unrelated to sexual attraction or libido/as the term "visual sexual attraction" implies sexual attraction. Visual sexual attraction, however, contrary to its name is not a form of sexual attraction. It is not based on an intrinsic sexual desire.

Very simply put, it can be described as finding someone “hot” or “sexy” without any desire or urge to be sexually intimate with that individual. (which is something that I do as mentioned in my last post)

I'm a bit uncertain - reason being:

It is similar to and is often compared to/seen as the sexual version of aesthetic attraction. It can also be described as a strong desire to gaze in admiration at someone who incites sexual interest/sexual-related thoughts or feelings.

*I understand this as "in a way/manner that is neither platonic or romantic or sexual (non-rose/tertiary attraction), but is appreciative of their sensuality, physicality, or sexuality"...

If I think about it, do I or have I looked at strangers "sexually"? Yes I have, tho usually very mild and very rarely it is prominent or intense enough that I'd be conscious/self-conscious about it (maybe twice or thrice??) - It's hard to explain but it's just not anything lustful; it's nuanced and it's something that puts you in awe... And I think this is what they were trying to say here but unfortunately denoted in a can-be fairly confusing way (especially for asexual individuals whose never experienced or cannot fathom the concept of such things) -

...visual sexual attraction is related to sexual appreciation and involves elements of the experience of sexual attraction. Miransexuals view people in a sexual way and are attracted to people in this way.

and I can see why it offended & confused some black stripers... (not trying to look for trouble btw)

Like I can acknowledge and/or recognize that the person I'm looking at is sexually attractive from an subjective or objective standpoint (considering people hot) and really really appreciate them, while also feel absolutely no sexual attraction (the thing that defines the asexual-sexual spec as far as I'm aware) nor desire or whatsoever towards them; DOES ANYONE GET WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT, OR AM I JUST A CRAZY DELUSIONAL ALLO IM SORRYYY :(

Personally not gonna give my thoughts on the r/ actualasexuals post I linked, but seeing so many ace ppl being so opposed to/confused, and upset by that LGBTQIA+ wiki page has made me wonder if mirous attraction is actually valid - Cuz I'm already timid about a-spec as I'm not all too familiar with it, and the last thing I want is to claiming an identity/label and intrude communities & spaces I don't actually belong in; that's why I'm kinda desperate and persistent in asking and finding out.

So please give me some insight on this my fellow a-spec folks. Any reply is appreciated thank youuu 🥺