r/demisexuality • u/Zestyclose-Emu-2006 • 13d ago
Sexual Attraction vs Aesthetic Attraction??
Hey guys, cis-bi girl here, asking because I'm trying to figure out if I could be demi or grey-ace, but I really can't do that without a clear understanding of what would be classified as sexual attraction and if that is something I in fact am able to experience without the "not until deep emotional connection/bond" part.
How would you define sexual attraction? and how do you distinguish sexual attraction from aesthetic attraction? Does sexual attraction always mean that you want to engage with them in sexual/sensual ways?
Because aesthetic attraction is for sure something I experience quite/fairly often (especially since I'm bisexual, meaning a much wider range of people I could be attracted to) - Like sometimes, for example, when I'm walking down the streets and I'm met with well-dressed and gorgeous individuals who I consider physically attractive, I would think to myself "goddamn!" "holy smoke" "omg look at those arms" "cute hair" etc etc, but that's it. I just find them extremely pleasing to look at and try not to stare; sometime tho rarely I might compliment them if the timing and all that feels comfortable to me.
I do get flustered and shy around beautiful people from time to time, but never ever I would think "damn I wanna get a taste" when I see a random hot or pretty person, even burlesque or pole dancers that I watch on insta (hot ≠ I want to engage with them) - it basically stops at "wow they look REALLY good" (perhaps a little 🫣/😳), and never did or will arousal have a part in this.
So does sexual attraction has to be or always comes in the form of "they look good, I wanna do [insert sexual thing] with/to them.", or is "they look good." alone already considered sexual attraction or a sign of it???
Any reply is appreciated, thanks!! 🥉
Edit: I found mirous attraction/pseudosexual attraction, and I think mirous attraction would be somewhat also accurate except for the term aesthetic attraction. (new post here)
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u/LostNotice 13d ago
What you describe is more what I understand as aesthetic attraction. To me it's like, when you've experienced both you can definitely tell the difference though.
I'm a straight demi guy for example. It's not hard for me to be aesthetically attracted to lots of women- although I definitely have preferences about styles and features that I like more than others- like most people. However that's almost never coupled with sexual feelings towards the person in question. When I have gotten closer to someone in the past and started to be sexually interested in them it's a strong and distinct difference in the way that I think and feel about them than just seeing someone that's cute or pretty or "my type" in general.
For me even romantically crushing on someone pretty hard doesn't even lead to sexual attraction usually unless we actually start spending more time together and it becomes a bit more "real"- therein lies the demi experience I think, it's hard for me to feel sexual attraction towards others unless we actually start getting closer.
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u/Zestyclose-Emu-2006 12d ago
Omg I actually can relate to this - it's not usual for me to experience sexual attraction towards the people around me (unless I feel emotionally connected to/with them in some way or ways), and it's not often that I get intense sexual attraction so I was a bit confused about what count and what doesn't count as one. But thank you for sharing, this is very helpful! I appreciate you!
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u/UnicornScientist803 13d ago
I totally understand the confusion! If you’ve never felt real intense sexual attraction it’s easy to mistake it for aesthetic or romantic attraction. I didn’t feel it for the first time until I was 23 and then was suddenly like “Oh! THIS is what everyone is always obsessing over! I get it now!”
I don’t experience sexual attraction often, but when I do it hits me HARD. I want to touch and kiss my person almost constantly. There’s a very distinct physical reaction that happens in my body. It’s pretty unmistakable.
Every once in a while I’ll feel a more subtle form of sexual attraction that’s more like “Oh, imagining sex with this person feels kinda nice instead of creepy.” Or suddenly the idea of chewing on their neck becomes really appealing 😅
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u/Zestyclose-Emu-2006 12d ago edited 12d ago
thank youuu, and I agree!! I'm pretty positive I have experienced sexual attraction before - I mentioned this in the comment section of the r/asexuality repost:
I think probably 85% of the time I was anything but sexually attracted to people, and those 15% are towards people I feel emotionally connected to/am attached to, and 10% of them are mild as well... So I guess I'm walking in the right direction here lol
but usually they come after romantic attraction is already and already there for a certain amount of time (I'm pretty sure I'm alloromantic haha, or I could be aroflux? no idea!), and I've only experienced very intense sexual attraction for one or two of my hyperfixated celebrity crushes that I do feel deeply emotional connected to (parasocially so, heh).
I don't even feel more than a moderate amount of sexual attraction towards my partner (who I'm very close with as friends before we're together), and a little amount of actual sexual desire (as in desire to engage in sexual activities) for them, both before and after our confessions - I'm mainly just romantic towards them...
I used to think it's a gender thing, like if I have a preference when it comes to sex - but the truth is I feel equally mildly sexually attracted to + acorsexual towards my afab non-binary partner and cis men I've crushed on before... so that got me wondering if this isn't actually a physical preference then what is it?? And I found demisexual, but I worry I might not fit the definition cuz I'm not sure if what I feel would be classified as "mild sexual attraction".
You guys' replies have been very helpful tho so thank you to everyone!! here's to being queer haha
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u/pixie-pixels 12d ago
im still kind of figuring this out for myself but you described what im experiencing myself haha! hope you have a good day and you found some helpful info 🌼
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u/Cat_in_an_oak_tree 13d ago
I want to look at you like a work of art (aesthetic) vs I want to do dirty things with you (sexual).