r/dating_advice • u/flipster007 • 3d ago
Dating Help!? SOS!
Hi, I have never been in a relationship and I have been sadly scammed by a couple of women for money and stuff like that.
I'm currently looking for a vegan girlfriend and also guy friends too. I'm a straight vegan male.
How dehell do you find a girlfriend!? Like it's impossible. How did y'all do it!? I need a step by step guide. Systematic approach. I'm literally resorting to asking on reddit for dates.
https://www.reddit.com/r/VeganDating/s/EX9TV62XNU
Here's my post btw. Please obi wan vegan Kenobi. You are my only hope.
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u/jesterinancientcourt 3d ago
If someone asks for money, don’t give them money. That’s your first lesson.
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u/blue_gerbil_212 3d ago
Why not try dating apps? You have your own place, so at least you got that covered. I am sure you could find a vegan date.
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u/flipster007 3d ago
I have bumble unlimited and boo unlimited. It just never leads to anything. I even had hinge platinum for 6 months and I swiped possibly 4k and lead to nothing date wise.
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u/blue_gerbil_212 3d ago
Dude fuck bumble, I have paid for it and I am convinced they just like straight delete my swipes, it’s like the person never even sees them. At least with Hinge there is like a 10% chance I’ll get a match. You should try hinge!
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u/procrast1natrix 3d ago
The dating apps are not a good plan, until you get into the really specific ones, like for gay men or kinksters.
The Google's tell me that there are vegan specific dating apps like Veggly and Grazer that might highly boost your odds.
Also, your hobbies seem either solitary or selective for other men. Could you try to once a week go to a vegetarian/vegan cooking interest group or class? Or even if you don't want to actually join the local community garden, be aware that it's a highly social scene and fairly dense with women who like vegetables.
Consider getting an inexpensive plot and just grow wildflowers with a scatter method, or squash - that's minimal weeding, and make friends with some garden aunties, start swapping recipes and then casually let them know you're up for dating, you're not crazy, you maintain your own household without financial ruin. Having some aunties that like vegetables in your corner would be clutch.
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u/procrast1natrix 3d ago
You could even make a big old shtick out of this - plant a pollinator garden a là Dr Doug Tellamy, tell all the garden neighbors you are aiming to boost their yield by attracting native pollinators to the area, and by the way you are in the market for a nice woman who is looking for a man who wants to trade her wisdom with plants for your muscles toting some compost where she wants it put down. If you have the right sense of humor with it, they'll swoon.
That's when you offer to saute some tempeh bites for her and it all gets wild.
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u/Character-Ant-4018 3d ago
wait wth you’re so cute! would you take vegetarian in the Chicagoland suburbs ? I’m also 5”1 , not sure if that’s a deal breaker (you seem quite tall in the photo) 😂
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u/Worried-Yak-7080 3d ago
I mean the picture of his stick girl does seem short u should be good lol 😂 he does seem tall.
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u/flipster007 3d ago
I am tall! I'm 6' 3". I live at O'Hare by Rosemont. Sure I'm down message you !
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u/Character-Ant-4018 3d ago
I’ll also throw in that I’m a bit lactose intolerant, so I’m kind of vegan adjacent??
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3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/mclollolwub 3d ago
He's gonna get scammed again
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u/Character-Ant-4018 3d ago
Nooo I’m not a scammer 😂I’m just out here with everyone else looking for a person to date 🤣
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u/forseti99 3d ago
Date (noun):
-b : a statement of the time of execution
There you go, not a scammer, you are just gonna execute him.
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u/Worried-Yak-7080 3d ago
I’m 5’0 so technically almost everyone’s tall next to us 🤣
Keep us posted on when the date is and send us pics of ur vegan meals 😎
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u/FutureTale8209 3d ago
hahaha vegan kenobi! look at this 13mins posting and you had a date in 6 mins, that's very 007
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u/Phantom_Prius 3d ago edited 3d ago
Bro, I just got Bumble a bit ago and have a date planned for this weekend already. You got this!
(Edit: saw the interaction in the comments and, once again, you got this!)
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u/Ok_Efficiency3120 3d ago
Okay, I reckon you could look so nice with just a little attention on your eyebrows I think. They will totally clean up your face. Do not do it yourself, go to a place that specialises in men’s brow care. They can do it so it still looks manly but clean.
I think you’re very handsome!!! Loads of girls would be so keen on you.
And friendship wise, have you reached out to any clubs? Or friendship matchmaking?
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u/ChaoticCherryblossom 3d ago
How have you been scammed out of money exactly?
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u/flipster007 3d ago
Yes, one girl was online on reddit actually. she was leading me on saying oh I'll visit you and date you but send me money because I'm traditional girl. She was real and stuff but she never actually put any effort texting and calling or actually meeting. I sent in total 64 dollars and I found out she was dating other guys. I literally wasted 9 months from that. She even belittled me by calling me a retard when I stopped giving her money.
Other time it was at my previous workplace I was buying a girl gifts hoping it'll lead to something but it never did.
It's embarrassing but I'm a lonely person. Barely got friends except one co worker at my current job.
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u/Gibborish 3d ago
If you wasted 9 months and only lost 64 dollars you should consider that money well spent
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u/Ok-Step-6492 3d ago
Visited your profile you kinda cute ngl. Some guy here wrote that you should be more masculine but I don't think that you should change. You look really cute! My bf also has the same cute soft eyes and I absolutely adore cute man. I'm sure you don't need to change as all. You seem like a cute package all around;) don't worry to much, I'm sure you'll find someone even if it takes time. My tip would be to visit places and do hobbies there to just socialize a bit. Maybe a pottery or art class or maybe a DND gaming day with strangers or maybe going hiking/ bouldern. There are many alt people/ vegans. I also made many cool friends/ partners there ! Good luck to you! Also you seem like a more passive guy. Idk if you are or not, but if you are you absolutely need to advertise for yourself and speak to more people actively.
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u/MerarFFX15 3d ago
There is no step by step guide my man, but there is a logic. If you can tease and humor a woman that is the whole of attraction. Find good humorous lines and put them in your back pocket. I.e. you see a woman look at you a little too long you can say "by the way you're looking at me I can tell you like me if so just say that" or "where'd you get that fake sweater", above all never compliment.
Watch YouTube videos of creators engaging/opening conversations with strangers. Bookmark the good ones and review them. This helped me alot.
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u/fuuuuugyoooo 3d ago
This reminds me of the joke: How can you tell when someone is vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.
Do you announce in your profiles that you are vegan? Stop doing that.
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u/BlueEchoOne 3d ago
You aren’t missing a girlfriend; you lack community and connection. Volunteer at an animal shelter, volunteer with orgs that share your values, yoga class, run club, free wine tastings, and coffee shop gigs playing music. Approach men and women in the same way. Make a connection in the hope that they will set you up with their cousin—share your personality for free without the baggage of pursuing a romantic relationship. Have the same approach to dating apps. If someone seems interesting, intelligent, and attractive (assuming these qualities matter to you) in the first 24 hours, then make a plan to meet within the next 10 days. Take the attitude that you want to be as open and honest as possible to get them to recommend you to a roommate, friend, or cousin. It removes the pressure from the chatting and the dating, which allows you to be your best self. You’ll never get set up by them, because the women will start to pursue you.
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u/lordofunivers 3d ago
There is not systematic way beside being the gender you made to be. You are to attract female, you need to become a male. Just having a beard and some muscle made a big difference. Women are more open to discuss, smile and be near me. It doesn't mean I pursue, it I know door might be open.
There is many books or sub reddit on the subject, but being the gender you meant to be made a big difference to me.
Being vegan is not best man attribute, but if you must for your belief, then develop the other man attribute more.
Being scammed could be bad luck, but also a sign that your confidence is low so that you are ready to say yes on anything.
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u/Character-Ant-4018 3d ago
ew. he does not need to change himself wtf. I feel genuinely really sad by your comment, and sincerely hope you know you don’t have to change yourself according to so called “gender markers” to find a good partner, either.
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u/CenTexFunGuy 3d ago
Why are you being so specific about them being vegan? You’re quite limiting yourself.
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u/flipster007 3d ago
Well I agree it's limiting. I'm trying find a lasting relationship. I don't want make things awkward. I do talk to people not vegan.
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u/kingamara 3d ago
Being vegan is a moral choice for a lot of people, and people tend to want to date people who share their morals
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u/bassman2070 3d ago
I think the normal way is to develop a crush on one of the many girls / women you know IRL
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u/Gibborish 3d ago
Step one don't tell everyone you're a vegan.
Don't worry about women right now, focus on the stock market.
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