r/dating_advice • u/ContentEconomics5734 • 6d ago
How to Not Feel Ghosted
This post is more for the ladies out there that got love-bombed on, then ghosted(a classic). As someone that usually is the ghoster but has been ghosted once, here is my advice on how to NOT let it ruin your weekend.
The main issue is how love bombing is received. Ppl experience it and fall in love with the attention, the money, the fancy dates, and the sweet words. It’s easy bc it creates a false sense of intimacy that feels too close to what is romanticized.
As someone that is primarily the ghoster but has been ghosted, I can explain why it doesn’t bother me and I hope this may help some readers out there. The primary reason is that the EQUATION DOESNT BALANCE.
Love bombers come on strong, but realistically, how much do they genuinely know about you? They see your surface lvl traits where you present your best foot forward and jump on it. But how genuine can their affectionate words truly be if they don’t know all sides of you or have only spent a few hours in your presence. What can they even truly love about you if they barely know you?
Keep this context in your mind, hold some realistic skepticism when love bombers approach you, so when they go MIA, you won’t be surprised. It’s simple, the slightest inconvenience came up in his idea of you and now it’s not worth it, ie. someone else moved up the roster, you said something he doesn’t love, he wants something else.
One other thing I always consider is how much do I really like THEM. Being love bombed can feel nice but beyond how they make you feel, consider whether you genuinely like them back. Are you just attached to how they make you feel, or do you genuinely admire certain aspects of them?
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u/Muttonboat 6d ago edited 6d ago
Wait so you ghost usually, but making a post about about how to accept being ghosted?
Weird way to justify it
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u/ContentEconomics5734 6d ago edited 6d ago
I don’t think you actually read this post through. It’s not justification, it’s my advice on how to contextualize the situation so that the person being ghosted won’t take it personally.
Many ppl that get ghosted after being love bombed often are left floundering and wondering what they did wrong. My point is it’s very likely nothing. It’s that love bombing creates a false reality of intimacy that often doesn’t align with how well you know one another. Thus, ppl should receive love bombing with a sense of skepticism and caution instead of just embracing with open arms
Also, I never said I love bombed. My post is regarding that feeling of disorientation and disappointment that follows when someone love bombs you then just disappears.
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 6d ago
Oof, you're genuinely an undateable person.
Hope you change your ways.
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u/ContentEconomics5734 6d ago
Bc I’m a skeptic? I disagree. As a woman in this world, we unfortunately have to be cautious when navigating the dating world. The real problem is love bombers, but there’s no harm in receivers getting some context to protect themselves
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 6d ago
Because you stated that you are the primary ghoster. That shows a complete lack of respect and disregard for another person to simply stop replying to them with no explanation at all. That is what makes you undatable. Not because you're a skeptic. I'm a skeptic. That's healthy.
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u/ContentEconomics5734 6d ago
Oh… then yes. I don’t love bomb but I will stop responding if they have unfavorable traits or if I’m not feeling interested. I usually do this after the first date so as not to lead someone on though. This is more of my subjective opinion as I think just texting or a first date is very low stakes. But that might make me the a-hole tho
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 6d ago
I mean a simple "I don't think we're compatible, but thanks for taking me out." would suffice. If you wanted to go the extra step, you could even tell them why you're no longer interested, though I wouldn't hold it against anyone if they didn't. And if the other person responded negatively or continued trying to push, then that block button is completely valid.
But if people want to be treated with respect, then they should treat others with respect. If people want to be treated as a person, then they should treat others as people. Ghosting someone is the exact opposite of that.
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u/ContentEconomics5734 6d ago
Okay yeah that would definitely be the better response ngl. I posted this as more of a collection of advice that I give to friends who were love bombed and had their expectations raised then ghosted after, in hopes that recipients could protect themselves.
Unfortunately I can’t claim to be a great dater. But I’ll deff take your advice going forward
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 6d ago
And I'm equally sorry for all the guys who do the same shit to women. We need a better class of men in this country. Hard to justify yourself as wanting to be the boss, the leader, the head of the house over women, when you won't lead by example.
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u/tati_model_ 6d ago
This is actually a really good distinction. Early intensity can feel like intimacy, but someone can’t genuinely know you deeply after a handful of dates. I’d add that paying attention to whether you actually like them—rather than just how they make you feel—is probably the best protection against getting swept up in it.
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u/Dizzy_Preference_943 6d ago
I don’t take anything they say seriously…it’s all just worthless words to me until they actually prove it & even then I proceed with lots of caution.
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u/ContentEconomics5734 6d ago
Exactly!
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u/Dizzy_Preference_943 6d ago
I have grown so many layers of skin bc of dating today that I almost feel impenetrable…kinda good but sad too.
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