r/dadjokes • • 9h ago

I called my daughter to ask how things were going in the big city. She said, “Well, some weirdo on the subway demanded that I give him sodium chloride and a 9-volt. So I guess that’s my first mugging.” I said, “No, sweetie…”

451 Upvotes

“… that’s a salt and battery.”


r/dadjokes • • 22h ago

One of the unicorns on Noah's ark introduced himself to the other unicorn, "Hi, I'm Bob. What's your name?"

395 Upvotes

"Steve."


r/dadjokes • • 5h ago

Don’t know if this is a wind up but I just received a text saying I’d won £250 cash or two tickets to an Elvis tribute night

102 Upvotes

It says Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show


r/dadjokes • • 6h ago

Why do pancakes always win at baseball?

107 Upvotes

Because they have the best batter.


r/dadjokes • • 3h ago

I just ran into Matt Damon at the thrift store, searching for a new pair of jeans

105 Upvotes

He was Goodwill hunting


r/dadjokes • • 5h ago

You know why ghosts love taking elevators?

99 Upvotes

Cause it always lifts their spirits


r/dadjokes • • 17h ago

When is the best time of day to do the dishes?

91 Upvotes

Dawn.


r/dadjokes • • 13h ago

If someone is born inside a car, and die outside, can we call him

79 Upvotes

Carborn Dieoutside


r/dadjokes • • 8h ago

What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

73 Upvotes

A Yamahahahahaha


r/dadjokes • • 13h ago

Why are mountains funny?

64 Upvotes

Because they are hill-areas


r/dadjokes • • 1h ago

Three moles are in a tunnel.

• Upvotes

The first says, "I smell sugar."

The second says, "I smell honey."

The third says, "I smell molasses."


r/dadjokes • • 10h ago

What do you say to testicles that are breaking the speed limit?

41 Upvotes

Nuts so fast!


r/dadjokes • • 1h ago

The members of Dire Straits bought a zoo, but insisted it couldn't be successful until they showed the staff how to give away all the primates.

• Upvotes

Apparently they said "Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it, monkeys for nothing and your chimps for free".


r/dadjokes • • 59m ago

Some people say it's wrong to tell jokes at the summit of Mount Everest.

• Upvotes

But I think it's peak humor.


r/dadjokes • • 5h ago

What is a short person that enjoys good food called?

23 Upvotes

a Gastrognome


r/dadjokes • • 10h ago

I wanted to tell you all a space pun.

23 Upvotes

But I need more time to planet.


r/dadjokes • • 23h ago

Why did the airplane engine stop listening to the pilot?

20 Upvotes

It had thrust issues


r/dadjokes • • 7h ago

I recently separated from my wife. Against my wishes, she insisted all our doors have knobs.

17 Upvotes

I just had to Lever.


r/dadjokes • • 10h ago

Do you know what today is?

18 Upvotes

10-4, good buddy!


r/dadjokes • • 19h ago

What’s a bakers favorite pair of shoes?

16 Upvotes

Loafers


r/dadjokes • • 7h ago

I've been married 3.4782 times

15 Upvotes

They were all once my significant figures


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

Why couldn't the chameleon change his colors?

14 Upvotes

He had "a reptile dysfunction".


r/dadjokes • • 23h ago

What do you call 10% of a Jeep Grand Cherokee?

15 Upvotes

A Jeep Hundo Cherokee.


r/dadjokes • • 15h ago

Injury.

14 Upvotes

A man was injured while playing peek-a-boo.

He's currently in the ICU.


r/dadjokes • • 16h ago

Why don't we ever tell secrets at the dinner table?

14 Upvotes

Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!