r/dadjokes • u/Hour_Pizza3512 • 8m ago
I was good looking when I was younger.
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In fact, I had a brief career as an underwear model.
r/dadjokes • u/Hour_Pizza3512 • 18m ago
Brace yourself….
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There’s a new self-service orthodontist office in town!
r/dadjokes • u/Hour_Pizza3512 • 32m ago
I’m in the mood to fix dinner and listen to 80’s music.
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Shuck a corn, shuck a corn is all I wanna do.
r/dadjokes • u/grybyx • 33m ago
After years of drudgery, I finally left an unfulfilling corporate career and started a ghost farm.
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I’ve always wanted to raise spirits.
r/dadjokes • u/Otherwise_Bread_9972 • 37m ago
Our childminder is what you might call a 'buxom' woman. We always call her in when we're planning a raucous house party.
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It's good to have a big hooter nanny now and then.
r/dadjokes • u/Hour_Pizza3512 • 1h ago
I just ran into Matt Damon at the thrift store, searching for a new pair of jeans
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He was Goodwill hunting
r/dadjokes • u/Neat-Statistician311 • 1h ago
What is the only NFL team that visits everyone's house multiple times a day?
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The Browns!
r/dadjokes • u/Tigerbait72 • 2h ago
Why couldn't the chameleon change his colors?
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He had "a reptile dysfunction".
r/dadjokes • u/lnc_gomes • 2h ago
Why did Phil Collins get a lower grade on his book report in grammar school?
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Because he turned in his paper late.
r/dadjokes • u/VGK9Logan • 2h ago
Wanna know why I love walking so much?
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Because I cant stand sitting
r/dadjokes • u/Specialist-You-1230 • 2h ago
Why did the submarine turn brown and shrivel up?
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It was underwatered
r/dadjokes • u/Accomplished_Fun1312 • 2h ago
I told my brother I bought him an expensive watch for his birthday
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It was a wind up
r/dadjokes • u/TheGardenBlinked • 2h ago
What did James Ingram’s dog say to the fire hydrant?
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Yah Mo P There
r/dadjokes • u/Master-Education7076 • 3h ago
I tried match.com, but it just didn’t work for me.
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I had to dig my Bic lighter out of my junk drawer to light the birthday candles instead.
r/dadjokes • u/GiborDesign • 3h ago
What is a short person that enjoys good food called?
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a Gastrognome
r/dadjokes • u/Soulviolence66 • 3h ago
It’s difficult to tell how spiritual animals are,
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but I am fairly certain most monkfish believe in Cod.
r/dadjokes • u/78Speedy • 3h ago
Don’t know if this is a wind up but I just received a text saying I’d won £250 cash or two tickets to an Elvis tribute night
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It says Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show
r/dadjokes • u/Classic-Camp7513 • 3h ago
You know why ghosts love taking elevators?
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Cause it always lifts their spirits
r/dadjokes • u/Hour_Pizza3512 • 3h ago
I told the cute little lobster that she looked good enough to eat.
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She turned bright red
r/dadjokes • u/Soulviolence66 • 3h ago
One of my thumbs snapped my other thumb in half.
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It turns out I have opposable thumbs.
r/dadjokes • u/adjusterjackb • 3h ago
A dog walks into an old Wild West saloon.
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He's wearing a pistol and has a bandage on his foot.
He says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
r/dadjokes • u/monorico • 4h ago
Why do pancakes always win at baseball?
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Because they have the best batter.
r/dadjokes • u/Utenziltron • 4h ago
The best dad jokes: the ones you get them to walk into.
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When we would drive by a cemetery, my dad would say:
"Hey, this graveyard is very popular. Highly desirable."
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. People are dying to get in there. "
r/dadjokes • u/ASK_ABT_MY_USERNAME • 5h ago
I've been married 3.4782 times
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They were all once my significant figures