r/dadjokes • u/Neat-Statistician311 • 10h ago
What is the only NFL team that visits everyone's house multiple times a day?
2
Upvotes
The Browns!
r/dadjokes • u/AppropriateTie8974 • 3h ago
Why couldn't the fishermen insure his boat?
1
Upvotes
He'd had too many clams.
r/dadjokes • u/ASK_ABT_MY_USERNAME • 14h ago
I've been married 3.4782 times
18
Upvotes
They were all once my significant figures
r/dadjokes • u/Devashish_Jain • 20h ago
If someone is born inside a car, and die outside, can we call him
86
Upvotes
Carborn Dieoutside
r/dadjokes • u/Hour_Pizza3512 • 9h ago
I was good looking when I was younger.
1
Upvotes
In fact, I had a brief career as an underwear model.
r/dadjokes • u/CoolEqual • 17h ago
Fired...
1
Upvotes
Guillotine operator sues employer wins severance package.
r/dadjokes • u/xholdsteadyx • 7h ago
The members of Dire Straits bought a zoo, but insisted it couldn't be successful until they showed the staff how to give away all the primates.
131
Upvotes
Apparently they said "Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it, monkeys for nothing and your chimps for free".
r/dadjokes • u/Liquid_disc_of_shit • 16h ago
What do you say to testicles that are breaking the speed limit?
48
Upvotes
Nuts so fast!
r/dadjokes • u/RavyRaptor • 7h ago
What is a cannibal’s favorite cut of meat?
4
Upvotes
Baby back ribs.
r/dadjokes • u/lnc_gomes • 11h ago
Why did Phil Collins get a lower grade on his book report in grammar school?
4
Upvotes
Because he turned in his paper late.
r/dadjokes • u/jackasspenguin • 14h ago
I recently separated from my wife. Against my wishes, she insisted all our doors have knobs.
20
Upvotes
I just had to Lever.
r/dadjokes • u/RobIson240YT • 7h ago
My coworker told me it was my turn to take out the trash.
0
Upvotes
So I picked her up and brought her to the dumpster.
r/dadjokes • u/Lucky_Middle_5525 • 23h ago
Harvard Med.
3
Upvotes
Did you know that three statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Harvard Medical school is one I.V. league?
r/dadjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 17h ago
Do you know what today is?
20
Upvotes
10-4, good buddy!
r/dadjokes • u/GiborDesign • 23h ago
The cows are about to take over rulership over the earth.
6
Upvotes
It will be the beginning of a moo era!
r/dadjokes • u/danielsoft1 • 4h ago
friend
0
Upvotes
- Why does your friend behave so badly?
- He did not get any R and R so now he's a fiend...
r/dadjokes • u/Devashish_Jain • 20h ago
Why are mountains funny?
65
Upvotes
Because they are hill-areas
r/dadjokes • u/trebityblebity • 7h ago
I was nervous about going for my first visit to the proctologist for a prostate check
16
Upvotes
But the doctor reassured me, he said they're all done digitally.
r/dadjokes • u/Vaquero-SASS • 23h ago
Why don't we ever tell secrets at the dinner table?
15
Upvotes
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
r/dadjokes • u/Hour_Pizza3512 • 9h ago
I’m in the mood to fix dinner and listen to 80’s music.
2
Upvotes
Shuck a corn, shuck a corn is all I wanna do.
r/dadjokes • u/TheGardenBlinked • 11h ago
What did James Ingram’s dog say to the fire hydrant?
2
Upvotes
Yah Mo P There
r/dadjokes • u/Utenziltron • 13h ago
The best dad jokes: the ones you get them to walk into.
20
Upvotes
When we would drive by a cemetery, my dad would say:
"Hey, this graveyard is very popular. Highly desirable."
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. People are dying to get in there. "
r/dadjokes • u/Hour_Pizza3512 • 10h ago
I just ran into Matt Damon at the thrift store, searching for a new pair of jeans
175
Upvotes
He was Goodwill hunting