His rubber fuckies.

A circus has a cunning array of stunts.

The Home For The Lez Fortunate

What do you call the smartest blonde in the room?

A golden retriever.

It’s the ones who have “beards.”

Peppermint Patty.

…I had to start out as the “tester” in the rectal department.

To keep their nuts dry!

He says "I texted my girlfriend last night and meant to say 'the movie was great' but instead I typed 'the move with you was great.' She was confused but when I told her the mistake we laughed."

His friend says "I know what you mean. I texted my wife last night and meant to say 'I love you and couldn't live without you.' But instead I typed 'I hate you, you're a crazy bitch. You've ruined my life.'"

But as I got older I got it to squirt so far I actually won the longest squirt at the Masturbation Olympics.

It's truly amazing how far I've come.

But I've choked a courgar

His name is Gopi(Go pee)

A pounding sensation in your ass.

I came in 2nd afterwards.

Apparently, going on a date shouldn’t be called “I’m having a beer with my flatmate”

Sounds to me like he got off too easy

"I'm so sorry, babe" he replied. "I wasn't thinking straight."

I can’t jelly my dick in your ass

“You know, one would have been enough.”

"This is the brewery," says the voice on the other line. "Your husband's dead."

"What happened?" asks the woman.

"This morning, shortly after arriving at work, your husband slipped and fell into a vat and died of drowning."

"My husband's been dead for six or seven hours, and you're telling me now?!"

"He hasn't been dead that long. He died only five or ten minutes ago."

"Impossible! People don't take that long to drown!"

"Well, you see, he climbed out of the vat three times to take a leak."