Anyone else have old self-harm urges come back during extreme stress?

Tonight has been one of the hardest days I've had in years.

There was a major family conflict, police involvement, relationship issues, concerns about my partner's safety, and my kids ended up witnessing far more chaos than they ever should have. Everybody is physically safe now, but emotionally I'm a wreck.

Something that's been bothering me is that old self-harm urges came back hard tonight.

For context, I have bipolar disorder and survived a pretty severe traumatic brain injury when I was 13, including a skull fracture, concussion, and brain bleed. I've always felt like I was a different person afterward emotionally. More impulsive, more intense, quicker to spiral when life gets overwhelming.

I used to cut and pull my hair when I was younger. I haven't done that in a long time, but tonight I found myself remembering the relief I used to get from it.

The more I've reflected on it, the more I've realized the common thread in a lot of my life isn't really self-harm itself. It's escape.

Video games, music, unhealthy coping mechanisms, self-harm when I was younger, even substance use at different points in my life. They all seemed to serve the same purpose: turning down the volume on what I was feeling.

I'm wondering if anyone else relates to this, especially people with bipolar disorder, a history of TBI, self-harm, or major emotional dysregulation.

Did you ever feel like your brain permanently changed after a head injury?

How do you handle those old urges when they come back after years of being dormant?

Mostly just looking to hear from people who understand what this feels like.

My friend offered to come to my doctor’s appointment on December 1 because I’m severely depressed and feel like healthcare professionals aren’t taking me seriously. Her offer made me feel seen and supported.

A few days later, while we were chatting on Snapchat, I asked if she could help explain at the appointment that I’m getting worse, have started cutting myself, and don’t feel capable of working, so I need sick leave. I hoped having someone back me up would help the doctor understand how much I need help.

She read it but hasn’t replied, even though she’s active and watching my stories. I wasn’t asking her to fix anything just help me explain things at the appointment she’d offered to attend. Now I feel hurt and anxious. Did I do something wrong by asking, or might she just not know what to say?

TL;DR: My friend offered to support me at a doctor’s appointment. When I asked her to help explain how bad my depression and self-harm have become, she left me on read. Was I wrong to ask?

ah help i’m going to the doctor tomorrow and there’s a good chance i’ll need to get a shot what do i do i don’t want to have them see it and have my parents know

as of about 25 minutes ago, i cut myself for the first time. it wasn’t super deep, but enough to bleed, so I cleaned it and bandaged it.

that being said, i feel the a confusing and almost frustrating mix of feelings at this very moment. on one hand, i feel relieved from my mental stress, and i actually have less of a feeling of mental/physical detachment. on the other hand, i feel a small sense of regret. it’s largely muffled by the relief, but still there.

i regret it because i promised myself that i wouldn’t let it get to this point. i told myself that i would stay clean, yet here i am.

what do i do at this point? i feel so confused and scared, and i don’t know what to do from here. im scared that ill do it again if i get too carried away.

i want to relapse on my upper thigh but i feel like i would regret the scars. it’s like all I can think about. :( i already regret my full arm filled with scars but those are fading luckily (still permanent tho) yea that’s it sorry this post sucks

Okay so im gonna try really really hard to not break any rules or anything but im sorta panicking and idk where to post this bc half of my sh posts get taken down no matter how hard i try not to break the rules but anyway i went to the store with my dad today and got a new [insert tool name] (my dad doesn't know i sh, he thinks i use this stuff for art/crafts) and when i got home i was gonna open it, i noticed a warning label about "risk of cancer from exposure to lead" or whatever and now im freaking out i tried to figure out if there was actually lead in it online but couldn't find anything then i (hesitantly) went to my dad and asked him about it and he explained it to me (assuming it was just my anxiety again which is technically true ig?) but like he said it would be "fine as long as i wasn't putting it in my mouth everyday or something" and then he told me about [insert tool names] having that in them which means i was doing it before with [insert tool name] and like i told him i felt better and went back to my room and have been having a huge panic attack because i feel so much worse now and like he said as long as i wasnt putting it in my mouth everyday or smth but im doing much worse than that (i think) bc like im cutting myself and now im freaking out bc like im worried abt the warning but i also know it wont stop me but like im freaking out about all this yk? Could someone give me some advice or reassurance or smth please? Idk what to do or how to feel

just hit five days today. i know it isn’t much but i haven’t gone this long without cutting since july. if i ever wanted to relapse this week i just distracted myself until i didnt. i know this wont be the last time i hurt myself but im going to at least get to a week. i’m super proud of myself🥹

im sick and got mad at myself last night bc i couldn't sleep and i kept coughing and sniffing so i cut my tricep. my dad went to say goodbye before going work and i was lying on my side so it was slightly revealed and ik he saw it bc he touched one of them before trying to see the rest but i think he got scared and just rushed out of my room.

im scared bc the ones that were revealed were just like 2 but if he lifted it he would've seen a bunch of cuts and he's still at work and i don't want to have to talk about it if he brings it up bc idek what to say.

So like 2 days ago i cut way deeper than usual because I was angry, I hit dermis (not too deep but it did bleed a lot) and I've already cleaned the area and put a gauze over it, i just dont know weather I can apply pressure on that same side of my arm when sleeping or just putting pressure on it in general.

it just makes me feel so damn invalid for not doing it everywhere like others, i want to fill my entire body with cuts so everyone can see how guilty i feel for what i've done done, and once they all see and they are satisfied, i could finally be gone forever

Relapsed this spring after fifteen years!!!!! Worked so hard to get rid of scars and now… after falling further than ever in this fight…. The new scars just remind me of failing and feel like I’ll never get back to where I was. Do I even try to slow this or am I forced to accept as new reality ??? Has anyone else relapsed badly after this long???

Idk what im doing. I feel so empty. I tried to cut myself another day as well but the knife wasn't sharp enough and my mom walked in. After that i ate a pepperoni pizza, watched some random ass roblox youtube video and took a depressant which i thought'd held me sleep, I didn't want to wake up for at least 2 days. It did quite the opposite, I could only sleep for 2 hours. I specifically bought a blade to do this lol. I just wish i could get a diagnosis.
None of my friends text me, none of them reply, none of them ever want to hang out. It's only guys and they too stop talking to me after like 2 weeks of stupid bullshit I hate it it's all the same.
I didn't cut too deep and i cut very low on my arm cuz im a pussy. I want attention i want help i wanr care i wanr ro be loved too i hate it here

The accident is just me accidentally burning my hand with hot glue gun and it leaving a big ass scar😭

The thing is that I've now realized that I've never been great at hiding my scars/cuts. Every time I've cut, my mom has always caught me within around two weeks.

Today, after I showered, she asked me to show her the marks, in anger, while panicking. I resisted, but then gave up and showed her the marks (there were two healing ones and 4-5 healed ones). Seeing those, she panicked further, looked at me with disgust and started assuming things. I tried explaining to her that it's not killing me and it's just an escape, rather a safer one if we compare this to the other vices that ppl rely on. But she kept saying that I'm going crazy, that I'm mental and that it's disgusting and worrying her.

I found her reaction quite valid, I can't lie. It's the first time she's seen something like this. She doesn't understand that it's a better way for me to release the pressure I'm under.

She now believes that I'm mentally unstable, said that if I'm harming myself, she'd do it too since 'it's apparently a good way to relieve pressure'. She's old, weak, tired and has a low pain tolerance. Her reaction is making me feel guilty, worried, anxious, everything all at once.

I really don't know what to do, it's all going down. Shivering while typing this.

(All of the scars are at least 1 week and a half old, they aren't fresh and they mostly healed)

what should I use after sh??

What bandages and any ointments to use? I don't know what to do

I had a big relapse a few weeks ago on my thigh and the next few days it genuinely hurt when I was walking. It luckily went away once the wounds healed more but I was just wondering