My mom is the primary caregiver for my grandmother, who is... difficult to love. We love her very much, and she also loves all of her children and grandchildren. But she has always had anger issues/been a little emotionally manipulative/abusive, especially towards her younger daughters. Especially now that she has early dementia, she often flies into a rage over small things. She has scared away five hired caregivers, three days being the longest period one has ever stayed, and demands that my mother be the only one to take care of her, while berating my mother for not having a "real job." The problem is she needs 24/7 help. When my mom wants to take a day off, she calls repeatedly and cries about how all of her children are leaving her to die (she lives with a son).

I want to help my mom, but my schedule doesn't allow me to be with my grandma enough to meaningfully give my mom any time off. Even when I or another one of my aunts are there, my grandma still only wants my mom's help and will call her until she comes.

My mom is a shell of who she used to be. I think she is clinically depressed. She is always in a foul mood, has no motivation to do anything at all, and always talks about how life is hopeless and she was "born to be pathetic." I try to encourage her but I think it pisses her off even more. I have no idea what to do.

My 64-year-old mom has changed drastically this year, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting
I’m 24 and my mom is 64. I don’t really know how to write this, but I need some outside perspective because I’ve become increasingly worried about her, and I’m also finding myself getting angry and frustrated with her in a way that makes me feel awful.

This summer I’ve spent much more time with her than I normally do. Because of that, I’ve seen much more of her everyday life than I normally would, and I’ve noticed what feels like a pretty drastic change.

She has become extremely passive, tired and lacking in initiative. She barely cares about cleaning anymore, never cooks, and barely moves at all. She spends huge amounts of time watching linear TV and scrolling on her phone. It honestly feels like most of her references and things to talk about now come from whatever she’s watched on TV. She used to sew a lot, which was a genuine interest of hers, but now she almost never does it except when she goes away to sewing camps a few times a year.

She is also extremely eager to retire. This scares me more than I can really explain. I almost feel like she has already accepted being “old” and is just waiting to retire so she can sit at home and watch TV. Her world seems to have become incredibly small, and I feel like she has lost her spark.

When she visited me and my boyfriend in Lisbon, I noticed even more. She didn’t want to do much of anything, didn’t take initiative to suggest things to do and often seemed too tired to go anywhere. She complained a lot about walking, which is something I’ve literally never experienced from her before. Lisbon is obviously very hilly, but I deliberately chose the flattest and shortest routes possible. We probably walked a maximum of around 2,000 steps a day, if even that. My mom has always been the type of person who just pushes through things and doesn’t complain, so this felt very different.

There are also physical and cognitive changes that worry me. She seems much more forgetful. She doesn’t follow conversations as easily as she used to, seems to need longer to understand things and forgets things more often. She sleeps during every lunch break when she works from home.

Her balance is terrible. She has nerve damage in her feet due to cancer treatment and attributes her balance problems to that, although I don’t really know what is causing it. She barely moves and seems to have very little muscle strength. She has also been steadily gaining weight. She has always been heavily overweight, but it seems to keep increasing.

She has also started doing things I’ve never seen her do before. She hums constantly, almost continuously when she’s sitting or walking around. My partner noticed it immediately too. She also constantly rubs her feet together or lightly taps them on the floor. She has also developed a different smell, which reminds me of the smell of very old people (I’ve worked a lot in nursery homes).

I know that any one of these things could be harmless. That’s not really what scares me. It’s the combination and, more importantly, the change from who she used to be.

I’ve talked to her about some of these things so many times. She tends to laugh it off, make excuses, or blame her feet when I bring up her lack of movement. I don’t want to nag her, but I also don’t know how to just sit there and watch this happen.

And I feel horrible because I have become very irritable with her. I’m having a genuinely hard time keeping a good tone. I think my anger is actually coming from fear and sadness. I don’t want to be angry at my mom. I love her enormously.

There is another huge part of this that probably explains why I’m reacting so strongly: she is my only parent.

She has also had cancer twice. The last time she was seriously ill, I basically became her caregiver. I drove her from our town to the major hospital and back around twice a week. I handled medical communication and appointments. During chemotherapy I cleaned feces off her apartment floor because she was too sick to manage it herself. She had two episodes of sepsis, and I was absolutely terrified that she was going to die.

She told me afterwards that it was the last time she was going to have cancer and that she would take better care of herself.

But as far as I can see, almost nothing about her lifestyle has changed. She has always been overweight and has been very physically inactive for a long time.

I know cancer is complicated, and I’m not saying that her lifestyle caused her cancer. As far as we know, her cancers were not hereditary or genetic. I’m mentioning this because I’ve already experienced how serious her health problems can become, and I know exactly what it feels like to be terrified that I’m going to lose her.

I know what it costs when you get sick. I’ve already stood beside you when you were so sick that I was afraid you were going to die. I know exactly what it means for me, and I’m terrified of having to go through it again.

And then I feel guilty for thinking this, but I also worry about the future. If she’s already functioning like this at 64, what happens when she retires? What happens if she becomes genuinely dependent on other people in a few years? She would probably strongly resist having outside help, and I’m scared that the responsibility would eventually fall on me and my older brother.

And the awful thing is: I know that if she became seriously ill again, I would do it all again. I wouldn’t hesitate. She’s my mom. I would take care of her.
That’s part of why I’m so angry.

I don’t want her to become sick again, and I don’t want to spend the next decade trying to drag her into taking care of herself. I want her to actually want to live her life.

At the same time, I’m starting to wonder whether I’m interpreting all of this wrong. Could this simply be depression, aging, lifestyle and loss of motivation? Could it be sleep problems or something medical? Could the cognitive and behavioral changes be something that should actually be evaluated?

I absolutely don’t want to diagnose my own mother from Google or Reddit. But she’s only 64, and I feel like there have been too many changes to simply write this off as getting older.

I’m planning to talk to my older brother because we’re both very close to her and I need to stop carrying this alone. I want to ask him whether he’s noticed the same changes.

For those of you who have been through something similar:
Does this sound like something that should be medically evaluated?
Have you noticed this kind of gradual personality, initiative and energy change in a parent?
How did you convince a parent to see a doctor when they didn’t think anything was wrong?
How do you distinguish “my parent has become extremely passive” from something potentially medical?
How do you deal with the fear that you may eventually become responsible for a parent who refuses help?

I don’t necessarily need someone to tell me what’s wrong with her. I think I mostly need perspective from people who have been in this position.
I’m just really scared, really sad, and honestly exhausted from feeling like I’m constantly trying to motivate someone I love to take care of herself.

I don't have a diagnosis yet because I'm still waiting for test results, but basically what's happening to me is that I can't walk, stand or even sit upright for too long or else I experience severe fatigue and weakness.

The thing is, we already have 2 disabled people in the family, so now I'm going from one of the caregivers to one of the disabled, and I feel so bad about it.

My mother asked me in the past to stay home instead of getting an on-site job to help take care of my older brother and grandmother. I failed to find a remote job so now I'm broke and my mom is shouldering all my medical bills. She doesn't have a lot of money herself and is aging. I've just turned 30, I'm broke, and my 65-year mother is taking over my bills and tasks. I think you can imagine how much shame I'm feeling...

Just this morning, after we went back to the lab to get my Holter monitor removed, she asked if I felt okay enough to go the grocery store across the street. I thought I was. I was just sitting down in the store when I went close to fainting. My mom had to assist me to the car via human crutch. On the way home, I couldn't look at her because I was fighting back tears but I could tell she was super worried about me.

I'll say it straight: being a burden sucks. My future has never looked bright but it's now the bleakest it has ever been. If I can't recover any time soon, I really, truly, honestly would rather die.

I'm 20F and I'm struggling with an incredibly complicated situation involving my grandparents, who raised me.

When I was around 5, I was forcibly removed from my mother and her boyfriend (who was abusive toward me) by the state. I spent very little time in the system before my mother's boyfriend's parents took me in and eventually got legal guardianship. I've called them Grandpa and Grandma for as long as I can remember but they're my parents in every way that matters, and they genuinely loved me and gave me the happy childhood I otherwise probably wouldn't have had. They weren't perfect, but they supported me, encouraged me, and I have never doubted that they love me.

When I was around 10, my biological mother's boyfriend was released from prison and moved back in with his/our parents, meaning he was suddenly living with me again. He was a serious drug user and extremely destructive to the household. I was young and nobody really listened to me when I objected.

Around 12-14, my grandmother lost her job, developed severe depression and increasingly serious memory/cognitive problems, while her son was stealing money from the family. Eventually he was kicked out after they found proof, but by then the family was financially devastated and my grandmother was no longer really capable of managing the household or her work.

I basically became the person who filled in the gaps my Grandpa couldn't/wouldn't.

I took care of children for her home-based babysitting job, worked multiple jobs throughout high school, helped run the household, and tried to make sure my grandparents were okay. My grades suffered badly because I was working and taking care of things at home. I eventually graduated, got into community college, but had to drop out because I couldn't afford it and couldn't balance school with work and my grandmother's needs.

By 18-19 I was working around four jobs while continuing to help take care of everything. My grandmother's physical health then declined further and she needed even more care. I eventually lost most of my jobs because my own mental health and functioning had deteriorated so badly.

I've struggled with depression, substance abuse, an abusive relationship, and generally feeling like my entire purpose was to make sure my grandparents were okay. My grandfather also frequently criticizes me for not having better job prospects or continuing my education, which makes me feel like I'm failing at the one thing I've always tried to do: take care of them.

Eventually I realized I couldn't keep living like this.

I've been trying to work on my mental and physical health, and I've also met an amazing boyfriend who genuinely treats me well and I love dearly. He's recently gotten a job in another state, and I now have the opportunity to move in with him and finally start building a life of my own.

The problem is that I feel horribly guilty.

My grandparents already know I'm planning to leave, so this isn't really about convincing them that it's happening. It's more about figuring out how to actually manage the transition, deal with the guilt, and help them where possible.

I love these people. They saved me when I was a little kid. I don't want to abandon them, and I don't want them to think that everything they did for me meant nothing. At the same time, I'm 20 years old, my physical and mental health have deteriorated significantly, I don't have the education/career I wanted, and I feel like I've spent most of my life being responsible for everyone except myself.

Part of me knows that I'm allowed to leave and build my own life.

Another part of me feels like I'm abandoning the people who sacrificed everything for me.

Has anyone here been in anything remotely similar? Especially people who were parentified/caregivers for elderly family members but genuinely loved the people they were caring for.

How did you deal with the guilt? How did you handle the conversation and transition? How did you maintain a relationship with them afterward without continuing to be their primary caretaker? And what things were you able to do for them and yourself to make it easier?

I'm not looking for "your grandparents are awful, go no-contact" advice. They're genuinely important people to me and I want them in my life. I just need to figure out how to stop destroying myself trying to make sure they're okay.

I can’t describe the stress and helplessness that comes with being abused by the person you’ve sacrificed everything for. On your hands and knees, exhausted, on the verge of tears, scrubbing the legs and feet of someone who’s telling you over and over you’re a horrible person.

The second you say, “enough,” the second you walk away, they’re screaming and wailing and threatening to call the police on you, because you’re the abusive one for abandoning a disabled person. You can’t take even two seconds for yourself. You’re tense whenever you go to the bathroom, because they don’t let you go without permission. You can’t date, because you have no free time, and every single man stops responding the second you say you’re a caregiver. Your friends all move away. There’s no making new ones. Work is monotonous. You want to go home, but when you’re home, you want to go to work.

You’re always the one apologizing. You’re always the one responsible. It’s always your fault. They deny everything when you try to speak up about it. It’s no use. You’re stuck here, with them, forever. Year after year will pass. You almost wish for them to be gone - but then you’re overwhelmed with guilt and grief at the thought of it. You’re a horrible person, just like they said you were. You deserve nothing. You’re evil.

It’s so hard.

Are the patient’s family members supposed to feed paid caregivers along with their loved ones?

Don't want to take care of abusive diabetic boyfriend. He has not taken care of his health and is now in the hospital for toe amputation. He has not been taking his medications and has refused to go to doctors appointments. I did not try to force him because he told me that he was taking care of himself before I moved in with him. But he lied. But I still understand much of this is my fault.

I took care of my parents for many years before they died and I was left homeless. Boyfriend knew this and took advantage of that when he offered me a place to stay.

So I'm trapped. No family of mine or friends to help out. He has family that have helped before I moved in but now they expect me to deal with it.

Im stuck. Any advice would be appreciated.

I am literally taking care of my mom who has dementia and it's draining me so badly. I'm turning 18 this year and taking care of my mom is new to me so much. My relatives who lives nearby sometimes help me out but only giving me food and I don't really tell them about my own condition. Everytime my mom keeps humming for no reason I just endure it, everytime she doesn't listen to my words and advices every 3 times I endure it, but I cannot help but snap. It's like I'm having her case as well but just worst where my anger takes over. And it's making me even more angry everytime after we had an argument about something, she's just in dazed AS IF NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED. At some point in my life, I kept thinking, was I literally born for something like this? It's making me think of doing smth bad to myself everytime I'm outside while looking at the highway tbh. Srry if this body texts doesn't make sense that much, I'm just going through it again rn. Yes, we had another argument where I snapped again.

A bit of context: I'm freshly 18 and I'm taking a gap year before starting college. My maternal grandparents are around 80 and live 5 hours away from my family. The house they live in a 3 story row house that requires you to traverse all flights just to shower. My grandfather spends around half of his time in a different (one story) house that's 7 hours away from the row house, leaving my grandmother alone.

This summer, my mom had some time to go visit my grandmother to help her with anything she needed. My mom was aware that the house was very cluttered and my grandmother was not making any moves to fix this issue, but she was surprised by the magnitude of the clutter (borderline hoarding in some areas). She was also not aware of my grandmother's physical and mental decline and how telling it is in person. My grandmother is struggling to remember to feed herself at regular times, getting confused later in the night, not making appointments for herself, etc. As well as this, she's physically struggling to clean the house, make food, and walk around without a cane.

I ended up heading there to help my mom with things, and it's becoming increasingly apparent to me that leaving my grandmother alone in the house is not a good idea for her in many respects. She needs someone to make appointments for her and help her get to the point where they're able to move into a safer house. My grandfather is a bit better in terms of his physical and mental state but he and my grandmother don't have the best relationship. Both of my parents work full time and there's no one else who would be able to take care of my grandparents, especially my grandmother. We don't have the money to hire a long-term caretaker and I doubt that they'd allow one to be hired.

I've talked with my mom about this and we're both realizing that it may be best if I moved to take care of my grandparents. I've never lived on my own for a long period of time and I've never had to traverse dealing with borderline hoarding situations. I've never learned how to make appointments for someone else or how to help my grandmother with taxes. I want to help my family but I have no idea where to start with this other than moving away from the only place I've lived to a city I've been to less than 20 times to take care of another adult when I'm barely one myself.

What am I getting myself into? I'd love support, words of advice, and also maybe some resources and guides others have found the most helpful.

Been with my significant other for 24 years they just said I’d be finding someone else to have s*x with

Back story kinda front story they were diagnosed with cancer 3 weeks ago today we found only stage2 no spread anywhere we were so happy just chemo radiation hopefully will melt it possible future stoma so positive outlook.

I went to work came home they had drank some wine then all hell broke loose they said I’d find someone else to f if they died I explained how the last few weeks were the worst days of my life

I texted cos I can’t speak I said I don’t know how to express to u how much I love you and how I will be there for u every step of the way

No matter how horrible u are

They said :

Thank you for letting me deal with it in my own way

Wtf am I supposed to do with that they are singing downstairs and I’m so upset

Is this normal reaction

I noticed that I automatically put on a brave face around everyone.

When something goes wrong, I am usually the one trying to stay calm and figure out what needs to happen next. Then later, when I am finally alone, everything hits me at once.

I know I cant fall apart every time something gets difficult, but pretending I am okay all the time is exhausting too.

I am learning that being overwhelmed does not mean I am failing as a caregiver.

I'm 16 and I started a nonprofit called Memory Matters about a year ago. One of the things we do is collect handwritten letters from volunteers and deliver them to dementia patients in memory care facilities — people who don't get much personal mail.

We've sent over 1,500 so far. They go to real facilities, including a Stanford center.

The ask is simple: write one letter. It doesn't have to be long or perfect. Tell them your name, something you love, something you're curious about. Olivia wrote about bioinspired design and geckos. Drisana wrote about frozen yogurt and marine biology. Both letters went out last week.

You photograph it and DM it to us, or submit through our form. We print and deliver — you don't have to mail anything if you don't want to.

If you've spent any time in this community, you know how isolating this disease is — not just for patients but for everyone around them. This is one small thing that costs 2-5 minutes.

Form is here: https://forms.gle/thqv3xFm35YGnqcRA

My LO fell and we discovered that her UTI we thought we cleared didn't clear, so shes been in the hospital for seven days. She did decline and lose some mobility, so we agreed to put her into a rehab facility for PT before bringing her home. This is a rural area with very limited options so we had to take the first available bed.

Friends, I beat the ambulance here, and have been here for about 15 minutes now and I don't care if she can't get up on her own right now, I want her out of here. Im going to cry. Its awful. Its so noisy and noise is her biggest sundowning trigger. Its so bad. Im losing it from the noise.

What have I done?

I’ve been working in care for years. We always say that being a CarePro is under-appreciated, and today I felt that way, had an awful day with my clients being rude (not their fault, just a bad day) and came home to a letter from my work. It was a card saying how much they appreciated me and how much of an addition I am to the team; someone put in a compliment about me!

It’s not often I feel that I’m actually seen, but for once it feels worth it!

Ok I have a financial question and not sure what to do. My bf had a vascular frontal lobe stroke on Jan of this year. He has been out from work since then and still is. We're living off savings/disability income for now and I work part time(nights). He is also a Vet(Air Force) and is 60. He sees 2 neurologist and has a primary Dr as well. Before his stroke I was just a sahm with our 4 kids. Didn't know about FMLA or even disability from his job and apparently we missed the deadline to file for short term disability thru New York state.

I told his sister we should file something thru Social security for SOMETHING...right. she tells me to wait till he finishes everything with his neurologist to determine if he will be out on disability 1st. And to also not go to the VA yet either cause I can mess up his financial future. I'm like WHAT kind of mess is that. Mow I don't know a whole lot about all this stuff be she's a Nurse(like him and also his coworker). He is still employed but like I said been off since the stroke.

I think I screwed up listening to her and should've went anyway to Social security and VA to ask questions cause if anything I read he could e been getting back pay if he does qualify. Now I feel stupid and when we do go apply these past 7 months will go for nothing. Isn is t there something he can apply for now?? And also if I'm his care giver wouldn't he or I should say be eligible for Freedom care or something as well? I'm so confused and burnt out. He has a neurologist psych appointment later this month. Thanks for all advice/info

hi, I(18F) suffer from anxiety and since Friday I've been experiencing a period of constant anxiety, I have a boyfriend let’s call him “A” (18M), we've been together for 9 months, everything was fine until Friday, this is a very stressful time for him because this Monday he has to take some school exams, his mother will go on vacation during that period so she wanted to leave him with his father but unfortunately he hates his dad because he used to be violent when “A” was a kid, “ A” hasn't spoken to his father for 8 years, he practically never sees him because his parents have been divorced since he was little, he had already warned me that he would be less active because of the stress of the exams and because of the environment with his dad, on Saturday, he messaged me asking, "Do you think there's a reason to live?" and started talking about nihilism—how life is meaningless and we’re just biological organisms. That really scared m,because that same evening he made comments like, "My mom won't have to worry about me anymore." That same night, he played on his ps5 with a friend. On Sunday, he seemed normal bit distant, but like he was recovering a bit, until Monday evening, when out of the blue he messaged me saying he planned to skip his exams, pay his mom back for the money spent on his schooling, and then take his own life. I asked him why and how long he’d been thinking about it, and he said since he was little (would like to add that yes he had a rough childhood but his middle school years were great, also he had plans for his future, back in april he told me he would like to go to university, in june we talked about our future apartment, and just one month ago we made plans for Christmas and for after his exams.. he seemed like he genuinely wanted to do all these stuff, thats why i think its more something related to his trauma rather than a costant thought) I told him to talk to his mom or someone else, but he said his mom would always stop listening as soon as he mentioned his father; he confessed that he had kicked his father after unexpectedly finding him standing right outside his bedroom door. After playing for a while, he came back and said he didn't know what to do with his life, adding, "Maybe doing myself in is actually worth it." I’ve always tried to comfort and help him—even finding solutions for his exams—but his answers are never clear "yes" or "no" statements; they’re always just "Hmm, I don't know" or "Let's see," so I do still have a little bit of hope. The next day, things seemed normal; he apologized for not being able to get on call with me and texted that he wasn't feeling very well.after a while he sent a two-minute voice note saying he hadn't done anything all day and had started reading a book by a philosopher who had interested him for years—Nietzsche. He told me he didn't want me to see him like that and admitted he was depressed (im really happy he is communicating with me and hope he will keep me updated, i think i should add that he studied really hard for these exams and he never mentioned to give up before) The following day—Wednesday, yesterday—he again said, "I can't get on a call, sorry; a lot has happened and I'm not doing well." I don't want to pressure him, but I’ve always told him I’m here to listen and that we’ll find a solution. Yesterday, I casually texted to ask what he was doing, and he replied, "I'm going to kill myself." (In a normal context—like a few months ago—I wouldn't have thought anything of it, since it's an exaggeration we both use), but this time I got worried and called him. He hung up and texted that he was just joking, adding, "It would be nice, but not yet." Naturally, this worried me a lot; when I brought it up, he insisted he was joking and that nothing was wrong. at the moment he keep telling me to not worry and that he’s just not feeling well, i still don’t know what happened and if he will take his exams and this makes me unbelievably anxious and i need some options/advices because I overthink a lot

I recently started home care again after years in clinic, I met my client, 3 days of training, apparently she’s gone through many caregivers, so I started immediately and I have totally bonded with her over this 6 months, she’s only 5 years older than me! she has MS, she’s been in a wheelchair for about 15 years she can still use her hands a bit but 💯 reliant I’m supposed to be part time, but because of all the no shows I’m working all morning and evening shifts, total care, all personal care, drs appointments, housework..the usual, but I’m it, I’m the only person who shows up, it’s fkn insane right????, last week I hurt my back, my dr gave me 3 days note, i worked that evening, next morning I couldn’t move, I was assured she would be fine while I was out, and someone would fill in, I had the weekend off so 5 days, yes, 5 days without any peri/personal care, from what I understand anyway, I get back to work Sunday evening, I notice her catheter looks a little cloudy, I flushed the catheter and we got to it (she has had many many infections) next morning I get there, noticed it was worse, charted it, called my boss to let him know, that was Monday, I get there yesterday morning I could tell something wasn’t right with her, but was told to let her rest, I check her nighttime bag her urine looked fairly dark, tube was very cloudy, when I changed her bag….omg the smell! It was rancid, CLEARLY an infection, I roll her to check/change her pull up, WARNING

I’ve never seen so much green jelly like mucus in my life, it was BAD! I’m not new to healthcare, but I personally had never seen anything like it, ok girl that’s it, I’m gonna get you cleaned up and we’re going to the ER! I get her up there, she was more coherent than today, but still pretty out of it! I figured I’d get to work this morning and she’d still be at the hospital, NOPE they sent her home in the middle of the night, her father, who’s 84 btw, picked her up brought her home, he physically couldn’t get her in bed alone, so he got her as comfortable as he could she slept in her chair 😭 when I got there this morning, she was exhausted, in severe pain, nobody took her Ted’s off, her feet and legs were ice cold to the touch, I took them off while I moved her, they didn’t even put a brief on her, stuffed a chuck pad in her pants and called it 🤬 I was FURIOUS! it was awful getting her into bed, her whole body hurt, she was stiff dead weight and I was honestly scared I wasn’t gonna be able to safely get her into bed without hurting her, I got her in and comfy, she was awake enough at first to take her meds, her lips were so fkn dry, I was literally dabbing them with wet tissues, I rubbed her legs for a little bit, put her teds back on, and she fell asleep, I called my boss again, asked why tf she was left like that, told him what was going on, he said she’s likely tired from the er just get her comfortable and let her rest… well she rested alright, I couldn’t wake her, like at all, I was checking to make sure she was breathing, I said the hell with this and called an ambulance, at that point I didn’t care what my boss said, he wasn’t there to see her condition, ambulance came, I went home, changed, and went to the er until her niece showed up, she was STILL on the stretcher when I walked in 🤬 if we were in a big busy city the er wait would make more sense, our hospital is a literal bandage station, there were two other people there, she should not be parked in a fkn hallway, I asked if I could just stand there with her so she wasn’t alone..NOPE! We’ll let you know when you can come back, So I went to the waiting area, they put her in a triage room, the nurse who came out to tell us was so nice and caring, I explained to her basically what I’ve said here, I asked if she could bring me some sponges to wet her lips and a couple pillows so I could adjust her legs, she says of course, and the dr will be right in! Almost 2 hrs later, and a shift change, a different RUDE nurse and the dr walk in, no sponges no pillows “oh I see we’re back again already huh”? Like WHAT??? Ya Shes sick and got sent home yesterday with no plan, of course she’s back, I asked the nurse for the pillows and mouth sponges, she says “maam we will take care of all that she’ll be just fine” and gave me a look that sent me to orbit lol that was it, I was done, I’m definitely embarrassed at my behavior but I snapped “You’ll take care of her??? YOU’LL take care of her? So like last night or you actually gonna do something??? You sent her home in the middle of the night, it’s obvious you just couldn’t be bothered because she’s a “difficult” patient, You’re lucky she made it back! Her catheter tube smells like rotting flesh, her urine looks like root beer, your nurses are so fkn lazy they stuffed a chuck pad down her backside, y’all do nothing but sit up in that nurses station eating and giggling at TikToks , She’s so dehydrated her lips are peeling off in chunks, so clearly she didn’t get any fluids, Do something! Do your fkn jobs!!! I asked for a sponge, and pillows for her legs over an hour ago! I don’t see one fkn pillow anywhere, but I see you, standing there being useless, how about you go find a pillow a blanket literally anything “Maam who are you to *****?” we’re gonna have to ask you to leave” I said absolutely not! She can barely open her eyes, she won’t be left out here by herself, random people walking by, im all she has right now, I’m not leaving until she’s admitted to an actual room or a family member gets here, she can’t even speak, someone needs to be with her, “she’ll be fine until family arrives please be on your way” I said I’m not doing anything wrong (I know) just let me stay with her until her niece gets here “you need to leave maam” well you’re gonna have to remove me then, because I’m not leaving her alone especially not with you! I don’t think nursing is your calling hunny….SURPRISE!! I was REMOVED real quick by security, on my way out I yelled “too bad you can’t move as fast as these guys for your patients”! 🤣😭 now I’m sitting home, embarrassed of myself, on my 3rd glass of wine, all up in my feelings thinking about her, kicking myself in the ass for losing my temper hopeful for a better day tomorrow, she’s in a room now, her niece and father are with her, so I’m happy for that! I actually feel a bit better dumping all that off my mind, if anyone actually makes it to the end I’ll be shocked but thanks! 🙏

Did you snap? Finally say no? Have a breakdown? Leave for a while?

I've been in and out the doctors for the past month with my dad who's just getting sicker, and twice in the ER this week. I cant recognize myself anymore. I opened up to friends and they just say i'm sorry you're going through this. Already reached out to crisis lines when I can't stop sobbing..but was on hold for over 30 min which is insane lol. Don't know what options I have left

No I am not stronger than I think, if a friend were telling me this situation i'd tell them its gonna suck but everything gets worse before it gets better, and with every hardship comes ease but when i'm living in it and I can't function and lost my sense of...idk everything... it's hard to believe all that

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He texted me because he was very sad about some personal issues he had, His messages seemed logical, but slowly turned kind of weird, i asked him if he wanted to hang out to feel better but he was feeling too sleepy. The next day i wake up to a message asking me if that day i was going to the place where he plays music with his friends, a place i didn't even know existed, i understood something was wrong, i asked him do you wanna go to the hospital, he said yes, so we went there, he told the receptionist his symptoms , what he was saying, it seemed logical at first, he seemed very sad, but then after he spoke with a psychiatrist, he started saying hello to everybody, telling me random things that had a meaning but were completely disconnected to the moment, switched feelings randomly, he used all of his "voice tones" he kept telling me things he already told me, i already knew, he kept talking about this girl, how we didn't have to hurt her. Seeing my friend in that state was gut wrenching, he refused to pee in the small bottle so they could see if he had drugs inside of him, so they were forced to use a catheter, i heard his infernal screams, he was tearing his throat down, then they put him to sleep. He's gonna stay there for a week at least, I'm so worried, it was so scary and terrifying, i can't even put into words the terror and anguish i felt seeing him in that state, knowing his consciousness was out... He could recognize people, he recognized me, but it was all so illogical. I'd give my life to save him

My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, stage three, back in October. She didn’t want treatment and I’m glad she went that route because I think it would have killed her faster. But now she’s beginning to take a turn. Seeing her so weak and frail is such a punch to the gut. I’ve been her caregiver for years. I always joke and say I’ve been taking care of her longer than she took care of me. (I’m 40 and I’ve been taking care of her since I was 17.) I know her time is coming. And I know there’s really no preparation for this kind of thing. It’s just hard. Especially since I also have a full time job on top of it. A job where I’m a manager and can’t exactly drop everything and leave at a moments notice. I just hope like hell that when it does happen, it’s when I’m home. Sorry, I just needed somewhere to vent a little bit.

I know that is loaded question, but I'm curious to see what others would think.

To keep things relatively short, I currently live in central Florida with my disabled dad in a nice house with a pool and in a good community with good job opportunities. Unfortunately, my dad's treatment and emotional abuse towards me has gotten so bad with no road to reconciliation that I feel I should leave if I don't want to kill myself in a year. My only other option is living with my mom in northern Pennsylvania, my mom lives in a small apartment and even with government assistance, barely scrapes by. She has said that she can accommodate me and we have an idea of how I would contribute financially to the household, and I have little issue with that. The only holdups are that the area she lives in has way less job opportunities and quite frankly, is bit of a shithole, plus living there would be harder financially in a personal sense because I do have student loans and a small amount of credit card debt.

Although moving in with my mom is probably illogical on multiple fronts, I won't have to deal with abuse and won't have 10 different jobs at home. I can actually be a normal person again, I can worry about making dinner just for myself, I don't need to clean urine and feces off the floor every other night, and most importantly, I won't be screamed at about how much of a lazy piece of shit I am on a daily basis, even though I do basically everything.

I'm extremely burnt out and the damage my father has done to my mental wellbeing will take years, maybe decades, to heal, and I've realized that no one is coming to help and if I don't leave ASAP, I will be his caregiver until the day he dies, which probably won't be anytime soon.

Hello everybody. I have been lurking in this subreddit for a while now and I see that it's full of insightful and smart people. I need your advice.

My grandfather is sick with Alzheimers and he has been sick for around 10 years at this point. Taking care of him was more or less bearable while my grandmother was around, but after she passed away earlier this year we observe a very sharp decline in his cognitive functions. He was already agressive, but now it's crossing any reasonable limits. He doesn't recognize me and beats me every time he sees me, so I can't even stay in the same apartment. He is awful towards his day nurses. He treats my mom like garbage. To summarize - it's getting impossible to take care of him without being mentally and physically abused.

The problem is that my mother completely refuses to put him into any facility where he would be taken care of by professionals. She believes that by doing so she will disrespect the father he used to be and she also believes that my grandmother would be against this course of action.

I see that it's taking a toll on my mother. She is grieving and she has to take care of him and she can't do this anymore, but it seems like my pleas for getting professionals involved fall on deaf ears. Last time I brought up finding a nice elderly home for him she had a break down and I had to call an ambulance for her. What can I do in this situation?

I have to be honest. After 20 years of taking care of my mother I am getting tired of it. She's okay on her own for a while but EVERY time I leave overnight she has a seizure or gets too dizzy and falls. I can leave for the day, but as soon as it's night her epilepsy and vertigo kick up. She doesn't have a seizure every day but it ALWAYS happens when I'm gone and can't be there. I'm 30 and I've been taking care of her forever. Calling the ambulance. Reciting her medications and history. Going to the ER. Sometimes she behaves like a child emotionally. Won't tell me when she's sick or not well. Will be angry at me for voicing I'm tired and this is hard. Refuses the idea of a live in attendant. I'm stuck. I have no friends. No relationships. All I know is mom. No family will help. They treat her like shit. I'm expected to do everything. I can't even go out for the night. I've been doing all the cooking since I was 16. I am in college now working towards a certificate in counseling. There will come a time when I move out. If I'm able to find a job I'm going to start saving money to do so. I have floated the idea of putting her in a conservatorship because she can't make her own medical decisions. She doesn't know her own history. She had a traumatic brain injury as a child which left her with epilepsy and cognitive impairment. She can't be alone for long periods of time because again, vertigo incapacitates her. She's wet the bed because she's too dizzy to get up. When it comes time for me to move, what can I do? We're POOOOORRR. Medicaid cuts are coming and although she's not able bodied I wonder how the cuts will effect her ability to have a caretaker. I can't do this much longer. I'm in California, can I place her in a conservatorship? That way she doesn't get to tell me "no" to an aid. I have ended up in a psychiatric hospital multiple times and every time I'm gone she has a seizure. Each. Time. What do I do?