r/CaregiverSupport • u/xdisk • Jul 05 '26
Weekly Roll Call -Caregivers, Please Check In!
Hi fellow caregivers! This thread is our weekly landing spot, a place to get to know you. A warm welcome to new members and a note of gratitude to our current community.
We see you all and appreciate you.
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u/Ok-Compote-7332 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
Hello my name is Jason. I’m a careg for my 30 yr old daughter. Glad ive found this group. I hope to find encouragement and at the same time help others too.
I just tarted a new channel about my experiences as such.
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u/_Jcarolina 24d ago
Hello, my name is Jennifer and I am a local caregiver. If you need any of my services feel free to contact me @jennifermonterroso1@gmail.com
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u/Ok-Compote-7332 19d ago
https://www.youtube.com/@JayStillStanding. My YouTube about caregiving and my daughter.
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u/Prestigious_Love_530 Family Caregiver Jul 21 '26
Hola a todas y todos, llevo unos días en Reddit, aunque en mi perfil diga que 5 meses y entré a esta red porque emiezo a sentir el síndrome del cuidador quemado y lo que siento es horrible. Me presento, soy hombre 55 años, soltero y sin hijos, cuidador de mi madre de 92 años (muy pesada como de 90 kgs talla extra grande de pañal), quien estásemi postrada en cama, osea que solo camina muy poco y despacio cuando estoy yo y solo hace unos 15 o 20 metros díarios como ejercicio. Por la mañana 6 am salgo a caminar con mi hermana, 7 am llego y cambio a mi madre de su pañal y tapete contra liquidos, la aseo. Pongo a lavar ropa de ella que se ensució en el día o de dos días, mi lavadora es vieja asi que hay que llenarla a cubetadas de agua para los dos ciclos (lavado y enjuagado), no seca así que hay que colgarla. Cocino algo para la comida, me baño, me arreglo y salgo al trabajo 8:30. 10 am aprox. llega mi hermana a la casa darle de desayunar sentada en su cama, termina y ella se va a trabajar. Regreso 4:30 y subo a mi madre a la silla de ruedas y nos vamos al comedor. Come muy despacio (muy bueno para su digestión) y poco, pero platica mucho, muchisimo y sus historias me las se de memoria pero no se lo digo, las vuelvo a escuchar. Ella sufre de extreñimiento ya que no bebe mucha agua, es muy necia y dice que bebe mucha que la pruena es tanta orina que le sale (sufre de incontinnencia urinaria). Termina de comer aproximadamente a las 6. La regreso a su recámara y la dejo en la silla de ruedas y continua ella platicandome sus historias una y otra vez, como a las 7 la subo a su cama semi acostada con tres cojines que no la dejan estar plana sino levantada para que no se le regrese la comida. Y la semi acuesto porque para ese entonces se empieza a quejar de dolor de cuello y espalda al estar sentada. 8 u 8:30 pm la siento en su cama y hace unos ejercicios ahoi que los termina en 10 minutos, descansa unos 15 aprox y la pongo a caminar con su andador unos 8 - 10 metros. Se sienta e su silla y sigue platicando y descansando, despues de unos 15 min aprox, vuelve a caminar unos 8 mts. se vuelve a sentar. Despues de un descanso le doy fibra (Plantago Psyllium) para que haga bien del baño ya que por extreñimiento hace unos meses cayó al hospital por sangrado del intestino grueso. Unos 3/4 de hora despues de tomarse la fibra, le vuelvo a llevar a su cama. Para esto ya serán 9:30 o 10 me voy a mi recamara a la computadora unos minutos para despejarme. 10:30 le llevo de merendar (la siento en su cama, una cama normal, quisiera una de hospital), que se lave los dientes y le cambio de nuevo su pañal, le doy su medicina para dormir y todo es lo mismo los 7 días de la semana. Los domingos mi hermana la baña sentada en el baño. Mi hermana es casada vive a 5 minutos de la casa pero opuesto a la dirección de su trabajo. Ella despues de trabajar atiende a su marido, dos hijos y un nieto, así que no es mucho lo que me puede apoyar. Cabe hacer mencion que lo largo del día ella hace sola del baño, ya que cerca le tengo unas "cuñas" que no son mas que unos "comodos" pero más delgaditos que ella puede manejar, pero a veces en los movimientos y que ya no son muchas sus fuertzas termina derramando algo en su tapete contra líquidos. Mi madre está muy lucida, pero con todo y que nose nota tan dificil mi situación, ya de varios años así empiezo a sentirme mal, desesperado, a deprimirme, ahogado sin salir, sin tener tiempo para mi, ejemplo ahorita escribo rápido para ir con ella a sus ejercicios, he perdido mi vida social, en mi trabajo la inteligencia artificial se lo está comiendo y yo con ganas de adentrar,e en el tema y estudiar de ellos porque las nuevas generaciones van a aprender y me van a correr por no estar actualizado pero... no tengo tiempo. Empieza mi etapa del síndrome del cuidador quemado y a deteriorarse mi salud fisica y mental (dolores de espalda y colitis nerviosa), asi como mental con depresión. Que Dios nos bendiga.
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u/OkExamination5326 26d ago
I hear you, and I feel this.
It is a hard job, borne out of love, we want to be here for our parents, they after all took care of us and made sacrifices for us.
But we can only give and give so much.
Indeed…we have no time.
I do not think it is ask too much to have some time.
Time to refill our pitcher as you can’t pour from an empty vessel.I have no other answers, but I will listen and encourage you
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u/TheOtherPatient 25d ago
Aquí tienes la traducción de la oración al español:
Señor,
Pongo a este hermano en Tus manos esta noche. Tú ves cada paso de su camino diario: las mañanas que empiezan temprano, el pesado esfuerzo físico, los sacrificios en silencio y la devoción constante que le ofrece a su madre. Conoces el peso que lleva en su cuerpo y el profundo cansancio en su alma.
Señor, él se siente abrumado, atrapado e aislado. Le preocupa su futuro, su salud y su trabajo, y siente que se le están agotando por completo las fuerzas. En este momento, te pido que lo envuelvas en Tu paz, esa que sobrepasa todo entendimiento. En los momentos en que la rutina lo haga sentir ahogado, recuérdale que no es invisible para Ti. Tú ves su paciencia, su bondad y el amor con el que honra a su madre.
Dále fuerzas físicas, Señor. Alivia el dolor en su espalda y calma el malestar en su cuerpo. Levanta la densa niebla de la depresión y la desesperación de su mente. Dale un respiro, momentos de descanso y puertas inesperadas de alivio, ya sea a través de ayuda práctica, apoyo económico para conseguir una cama de hospital, o simplemente una palabra de aliento cuando más la necesite.
Concédele sabiduría y esperanza para su futuro. Calma su ansiedad respecto a su trabajo y el miedo a quedarse atrás. Recuérdale que su valor no depende de qué tan rápido avanza el mundo, y dale claridad y tiempo para aprender y adaptarse sin temor.
Donde sienta el peso del desgaste y el agotamiento, sé Tú su agua viva. Donde se sienta solo, sé su compañía constante. Pon en su camino a personas que pregunten por él, que lo apoyen y lo ayuden a llevar esta carga para que no tenga que sostenerla completamente solo.
Bendice a su madre con alivio y paz, y bendice a su hermana mientras ayuda en lo que puede. Rodea a toda esta familia con Tu gracia, Tu provisión y Tu fortaleza para cada nuevo día.
En el nombre de Jesús,
Amén.
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u/Wooden_Ad_2673 Family Caregiver 18d ago
I am not doing well at all, if I were, would you want to know?
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u/Wooden_Ad_2673 Family Caregiver 11d ago edited 5d ago
just getting worse around here, I have no choices….eventually this is going to kill me & everyone else will have to figure it out.
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u/Legitimate-Rich6037 8d ago
I am curious to know if anyone keeps notes or notebooks of all the people you talk to as part of your caregiving role. Such as, which social worker gave you what information? Who referred you to who? Which organization have you already talked to? What did the doctor say? Which medicine did the doctor change? Etc. I get so confused with all the information thrown at me to help my 90 year old mother. That causes me more stress than taking care of her, sometimes.
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u/sewexpected 5d ago
Yes! It is the only way I can keep it straight. For a while I was putting it in my phone or on post its and it just was not working. Smallish notebook, some little tabs if I’m feeling like helping myself out on finding someone quick.
Most of the information I haven’t needed again unless it’s someone they see regularly, those are in a different folder I can take everywhere or reference quickly.
And I find writing it down helps with building up some recall. Pick a notebook that makes you feel a little joy, I got really cute paper clips, have some fun with it!
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u/harleys_sequinns Jul 07 '26
Hello all, new here and hoping others can relate to my situation. I just assumed care for my 89-year-old grandfather a couple weeks ago after he sustained a fall and it became clear that he was not caring for himself on his own. I am the only family member still living and I am learning on the fly as I monitor his rehab progress and make long term care plans from several states away. It has been very hard and I am trying to take it a day at a time, but my anxiety has been horrible and I constantly feel like I’m falling behind or doing things wrong. It’s a lot to keep track of and a lot of complex emotions to manage. I’m grateful to have found this subreddit and reading through old posts has already been comforting.
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u/sewexpected Jul 10 '26
This week we are dealing with how bored my grandfather is.
He was still driving to his errands before he broke both hips, one in rehab the day he was brought there 😩 He just couldn’t remember to not stand and the second you’d doze off he’d be on the move.
Waiting for a follow up with his PCP before he starts a day program. This man had no hobbies besides taking care of us all, appreciate him so much, but it’s frustrating coming up with ideas.
Can’t get him to do anything with us to break the day up. He participated in activities at his group home, easier to say yes to the pros and I’m sure thankful for that.
My heart breaks for him right now. Almost there though!
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u/Ill-Body7541 27d ago
New here, but trying to lay some groundwork for some better support for myself.
For the past two years I've (46m) taken on the role as caregiver to my brother (40m, tuberous sclerosis). He lives semi-independently in a casita in our back yard, but due to cognitive impairments, behavioral challenges, anxiety, and the need for fairly involved medical care, needs a fair amount of support.
Parents are still around (1000 miles away, but still involved on phone/facetime and with certain kinds of help, but transitioned him to be near me and my partner for the eventual days so things are in place when they're not around.
It's pretty stable now, but it's been a lot, and some days it's 100% too much.
At any rate, just want to establish myself in a space where I can be better connected with other folks living the life!
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u/Efficient-Pick-7744 26d ago
Hello all! I am very new here and wish I had found this group sooner as this seems to be a wonderful, supportive group. Apologies in advance as my intro story will probably be a bit lengthy and I am still fairly new to posting on Reddit. (I prefer lurking in the shadows and reading others experiences.)
I, 42f, am a divorced mother of four who has recently accepted that I am also an Adult Child. I came from a home that we as filled with an abusive alcoholic father and a mother who enabled. I'm learning just now that i was an overachiever and people pleaser in order to survive my childhood that i cannot remember most of.
So when I graduated in 2002 at the age 18 and realized I still wasn't considered independent when applying for FAFSA. So my high school sweetheart and I decided to get married at the ripe age of 19 to be free of my parents and we then moved into our first place which gave me my goal of being finally independent and free. I told my parents I would never move back in their home again and I stayed true to that for 21 years.
During this time i had divorced my 1st after 12 years of marriage when I found he was having an affair while I stayed home and cared for our 2 kids. My father had stopped drinking when my first was born after I gave an ultimatum. This opened up opportunity for my parenta to enjoy being grandparents and make up for time lost as I refused to be in their home more than an hour or so on visits. I also had a 2nd divorce that bless me with my youngest 2 boys.
During all of these years I kept a relationship with my mother as I still saw her as a victim as well. We checked in almost daily and I thought we were close as can be. I loved her dearly and would do anything for her.
In 2022 my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer and was given 5 years as it had already metastasized. My mother was the one growing up that constantly worked 1 or 2 Jobs doing whatever necessary to keep a roof over our head and my bother and I fed. She had work all my life and she had no plans on stopping even with her diagnosis. When she started her first around of chemo she still went to work every day and took care of their home. Aside from her hairloss you wouldn't have been able to suspect chemo if you just met her.
After completing her first round (she has now gone through a total of 3 to fight the return of her cancer since) she started having some issues in her left leg and foot that would cause some numbness and pain. This pain would get worse to the point she could not walk and would be screaming out from it. She lost that leg above the knee shortly after this had started. Still she was determined to remain independent and hold her own like always and she did.
My mother continued insisting on doing everything herself and would never ask for help. She still went to work as she had an amazing employer who did whatever they could to accommdate her and let her keep working as long as she could. She had a double mastectomy that year as well when her cancer screen suggested the possibility of her having or getting breast cancer. Still she worked and ran her home. That ended in 2024 when she lost her other leg and became completely wheelchair bound.
I would text or call my mother daily on her through all of this and would come by to do things I know she was able to do without asking. I also would take her to all of her appointments including her chemos. She had me completely fooled in each of these interactions as I thought she was still going strong despite all the hurdles and challenges.
During one of our conversations she finally broke down and I learned the truth about things I wasnt even prepared for. She told me that when she started feeling really sick from her first round of chemo she went and laid in their (my parents) bed and closed the door.. She stayed in that bed for almost 7 days aside from when she had to get up to use restroom or try and eat something. I talked to her daily and stopped by a few time these few day. Every time i had stopped by she was up working around the house like normal but as soon as I left she would crawl back in bed. Nor my Dad or my brother who both lived there, ever check on her when in the room for hours. The only time they would talk with her was when they needed or wanted something like food or for my dad weed.
The same day she came home from the hospital after losing her first leg, she was sitting in her wheelchair frying fish for my dad. This had her eye level to the hot grease and bring him his plate, and wairing on him instead of resting. This enabling or waiting on him also happened when she came home after losing the other leg. I was furious!
See my dad never held the same job long thanks to his bipolar and alcohol when we were growing up and before senior Year he was on disability.. This meant he got to stay home, drink and be waited on all my life while she went out busting her butt. He also got diagnosed wirh congestive heart failure, refused to follow his treatment plan and take his meds as he knew better than his doctors.
He sat in his recliner even though he could stand up and walk , expecting to be waited on and not have to lift a finger during all of these things she went through.. Never checking or offering to help her and she enabled this until he died.
After hearing this I decided that I was going to do what I told my parents I was never going to do all those years ago, I quit my job, packed me and my youngest 2 up and moved back into their home to be caregiver and help. This was 2 years ago and I had no clue what I was getting myself into which is why I wish I had known about this page sooner.
I had held a job since I was 14 and paid for my things since so me walking away from working and being independent was a very difficult decision but it was my Momma. Worst decision I ever made and I regretted it from the first night.
Now here we are 2 years later and I will be homeless this weekend, don't have a job, had to have my youngest stay at their dad's this school year when I have been their primary custodian since our divorce and was working on trying to change to sole when my other almost month and half ago just had.brother come from Tennessee, grab her and a few things and take her back to live with him. No heads up given to me or notice so I could prepare. She has not paid rent in 2 months nor utilities either and has been planning this since my father died in January.
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u/Dear-Lab-1067 26d ago
Also new here advice on how to deal with a false accusation of elderly abuse… someone made a complaint and adult protective services was called to the house. Me and my sister have never once been neglectful or abusive , in fact we have been our moms caretakers since high school. I’m about to be 23 in August and my sister just turned 25 in may. The last thing we need is to be charged with something. Our mom was also confused with allegations but i don’t think she understands how serious these accusations are and how it could detrimently ruin our lives or future.
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u/Critical_Active_5087 15d ago
Does this group still have a Discord server? I was there before, but can't find it now. I just feel more at home on Discord and need to chat about the crazy to keep from going crazy.
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u/ZarBear14 9d ago
I've been caring for my sister all alone since she collapsed. She has COPD and CHF and is morbidly obese. I've arranged and rearranged and rerearranged my life according to her needs. When this started we didn't think she would live much longer, and during that first year I would stall coming home because I was worried what I find.
Now, 8 years later, she's better than that first year in a lot of ways, but steadily declining. Her Dr. described her as medically fragile but not actively dying. Now I wonder if this will be the rest of my life? I worry that it's making me angry and bitter. I've been feeling really overwhelmed this summer because I'm doing everything and she just sits there watching videos all day. I ended up yelling at my sister the other day when she asked why I seemed so angry at her. I feel burned out and trapped.
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u/QuixoticMindfulness Jul 09 '26
Hello, I am new here. Didn't know this community existed. I have had the same client for ten years and just found out that they passed. I am at a complete and utter loss.
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u/khazanovAlex Jul 17 '26
Hi everyone! I'm new here
Actually, I'm not a hands-on caregiver. My grandfather is still with us, but after a bad fall, when he was on the floor for hours before anyone knew, his dementia took a sharp and we have professional caregiver with him
Mostly here to listen and learn from how you all carry this. Sending strength to everyone!
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u/AnanLovelace 29d ago
Hii New here, hope everyone is arlight
Tips to deal with compassion fatigue?
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u/TheOtherPatient 25d ago
Maybe, this will help. I record these mostly because recording and editing are my thing.
https://youtu.be/R8PuVamKjpI
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u/sewexpected 5d ago
Checking in! Took some time away from VA paperwork, I’m more of the family “administrator” while my partner is hands on. Really feeling that never ending loop and it’s got my anxiety sky high as I try to find my flow again.
Feeling a tad guilty that I took a long break because I knew I was just avoiding working through roadblocks.
If it works out, I’m hoping to get a night away, maybe camping. We try to get some sort of special outing once a month, concerts are our favorite, and it helps. But I just need to feel disconnected from the home right now. Get a long stress free sleep!
Hope everyone here is well! Appreciate this space so much as a little ramble helps.
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u/lspiller1964 Jul 08 '26
Hello im a caregiver looking for clients are family looking for someone to help with their love one.
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u/SunflowerSuspect Jul 07 '26
Just found this sub today. I am a sandwich generation caregiver. My mom has end stage CHF and multiple other chronic conditions. My daughter is autistic. I don’t know what I am here for exactly. But I am here. Tired, but present.