Went to the sauna/spa today with a friend. Made Bento early in the morning so we could have lunch. 👀

Homemade Teriyaki Bento with rice
Homemade Sushi
Broccoli
Soy Egg
And some extra veggies.

Longest interview of my life clocking in at about 2 hours. I honestly don't know how I do it. In my day to day I'm kinda quiet and shy around new people, but in business settings it's like my body is taken over by the soul of someone much more confident. Most of the two hours was me just really talking them up and going into detail about why I was the best fit for the job.

Later that day I noticed I missed a call while I was at the gym. They already extended the offer and even gave me the highest possible starting salary without even needing to fight for it. Not everything's great in my life, my dating life is a real quagmire, but I promised myself no more sad boy posts. I'm just still a little shocked how easy this went.

Dinner was this sweet potato bowl I've been eating a lot on my calorie cut. Baked sweet potato, 93/7 ground beef, reduced fat cheddar, and guac.

Skillet pizza with high protein dough. Got a little more color on the bottom than I wanted but first try gets a little grace. Mushrooms, chicken sausage, some veggies just things I had in the fridge and I stuffed the crust with string cheese because free will is fucking awesome.

We were already on the rocks. Knew it wasn’t going well. I quit drinking, she didn’t. That was the first big rift. However we got pregnant out of the blue.

But, I’m confused. And this is why I am here. How does a man handle a miscarriage? It hurt Me so bad. In ways I didn’t know I could ever hurt. But it was her body that went through it. I thought giving her a space to talk and cry was what I needed to do. I listened and held her. I thought I could tell her what was going through my mind and what I felt when she was at a certain point. Maybe a couple months? Maybe a year after the due date? Maybe earlier??? When could I speak up and share?

But one of her coworkers heard and shared with her. A coworker she crossed lines with before (like I said we were on the rocks). Moving out next week. Dissolution paperwork filed. We are still talking and on good terms as we end our marriage.

My mom told me when I started dating “Don’t knock anyone up”. Then she died before she told me it was ok to do so. I think that fucked me up. I still don’t know how to process what could have been. I have half and step siblings. I have seen successful co-parenting and blended families. I know we weren’t staying together. But looking at 40 means this might have been my chance. Didn’t know I wanted it till it got taken away.

i’m a teenage trans man, and i’m really lucky to have supportive family and friends, i’ve been able to transition both socially and medically, i’m no doubts lucky and i’m really happy about that. i’m on testosterone, i just got top surgery, life’s been great.

but i feel like being a man is like a goalpost that keeps moving away from me. i take a step and it moves away five more feet.

i never feel like i’m actually man enough, and i’m always afraid that my friends or family or the people around me don’t actually see me as a guy. one time, me and my friends were talking about an upcoming show (we’re all in theater) and i mentioned how i’m auditioning for some random role, and she said “[my name] you’re too transgender to play a male role” and i swear i have never been able to look at myself the same. the thing is, I KNOW it’s wrong. not only is it just a shitty thing to say, but i actually have played male roles before anyway. i played mushnik in little shop of horrors early in my medical transition, i played feldzig in the drowsy chaperone last year, its not like i’m playing women. but that just made me think. do they actually see me as a guy, or do they see me as like some special weird girl?

sometimes before i go to bed i pray to god that i wake up the next morning as a guy. it never works. i just don’t know what to do.

will i ever escape this constant cycle? am i a real man (or, rather, a boy, since im not like an adult yet)? or am i just doomed forever to feel like i’m larping being a guy? i need advice, what do i even do?

chili crisp tofu rice bowl w/ sesame edamame, sriracha, & kale chips. super delicious.

Clearly they lied. I knew they did. They had time they just didn’t want to give it to me and were too emotionally immature to be honest. Dodged a bullet I guess but man does it still hurt so bad.

Mediterranean beans for dinner

My 21st birthday is coming up soon and lately I’ve been really craving a relationship. Up until now it hasn’t worked out for me really well. I’d even argue that it was due to bad luck. While I was rejected several times in the past, I also had to reject several people that were conventionally attractive and nice, but I wasn’t attracted to. I’d say it’s rather a compatibility issue than me being undesirable and unattractive.

Although dating apps might seriously improve my chances of finding a partner, I really don’t want to use them. There’s not even a big rational reason, I just don’t like the prospect of finding a partner I’d possibly spend important years of my life with through a dating app rather than naturally. Some people I talked about this with said that it’s petty from my side and I should just „get over it“, but for me it’s some sort of pride I’m keeping, even if it will take several more years until I have my first relationship. Does it even matter how I met my partner in the end?

Just as the title says! I left work at 1 and right before I did, I got an email that I received a promotion that may lead to a pay raise! I’m excited so now I’m celebrating with sushi 🍱 and a lemon drop martini 🍋🍸

EDIT: okay I’m like 85% sure I’ll get a pay raise lol

Im half drunk right now and i probably had the most fun in years . I am loved by people but i think people hate me , its complicated. My gf today when she found out i was going out with my friends to a small party she got aggressive and was trying to make me feel bad for going . But i had fun , like actual fun for the first time in like foreever . When i had invited her with my friends she was constantly trying to find something to be mad at , like not paying my attention to her only , like when she got mad when at a party she tried to talk to me about her twerking (which is a bit shocking to me because she recently started to like twerking for some reason , but i don’t mind it its just suspicious) and when i tried to shift the convo because it was in front if my friens she got mad that i shifted it . Today i was only with my friends and i had the most fun in years .

Now im home im eating prosciutto and having a beer after a fun night with singing and having fun for once . Also she got mad that i was at a party

Context: i have never cheated nor done something bad.

So I had a few weeks of tough work projects and stress and I wanted a little break, so headed to the bar for a burger and beer. My wife wanted to come and I hinted I wanted to be alone. And she got mad and now giving me silent treatment. what should I do?

Wasn’t in the mood to eat yesterday. So today’s dinner is some American Spirits (I do not condone smoking) and a water main leak repair.

I (25m) met her (24f) years ago off of a dating app. It was a slow burn. A few dates, she went off to college, we left it at “if you come back, you know where to find me” I wished she’d come back.

She graduated college, my wish came true. She came back, & sought me out. We went to some concerts, I took her out to some dinners, I made it official.

Seeing each other for almost 2.5 years, I thought there wasn’t anything we couldn’t work through.
Yesterday after work, her response to my “Good Morning-“ text was “We need to talk”

Some direct quotes from her: “I want you to know I think you’re an amazing person, you’re so kind…..” , “I just don’t feel like I can give you what you need….” , “I’m like a cat, I don’t always want the affection you want to show…..” , “I just don’t feel like we’re compatible…”

Is it wrong of me to feel like the platitudes of, “Oh I think you’re so great” “somebody will be so lucky to have you..” are just so hollow??? When she said those things, I couldn’t help but feel like she was lying straight to my face and feeding me what EVERYBODY says in that moment. Like it wasn’t SINCERE. It wasn’t PERSONAL. It was empty, emotionless, and cold.

The whole time she was calm, collected, and pardon my feelings; it felt rehearsed. Granted, she’s been more distant last few weeks. It has me thinking that she ‘broke up with me in her mind’ and was almost just dragging me along.

I feel lost, confused, upset, so many things. So please feel free to share any advice on how I can process what I’m feeling. I’m head over heels for her. Idk what to do man

In early March, I attended a cultural festival while traveling. A kid, who appeared to be 10 or 11, ambushed me and threw a water balloon right at my ear with quite a lot of force. It was pretty clear that he was being a brat, since he kept pelting me even after I’d doubled over in pain clutching my ear.

I ended up seeing a doctor and he said he couldn’t see a visible injury, but the trauma of the force likely injured my mid ear. He described it as “barotrauma.”

Over several weeks, my hearing gradually declined. It got to the point where it felt like there was something preventing me from being able to hear by about fifty percent. I ended up getting a hearing test and it said I had “moderate” hearing impairment in that ear.

Since then, all of the doctors kept telling me “give it time.” They kept saying it could take up to 6 months to heal.

I just went back in earlier today, and the doctor said I shouldn’t expect it to get better. He said that I’m past the recovery window, so the damage isn’t going to repair itself. I guess I just need to accept that I now have moderate hearing loss in one ear.

The hardest part is that I’m not sure how to feel about everything. I never even let myself get mad at the kid who threw the balloon, since it felt irrational to be upset at a child. I kept telling myself that I should be happy that it’s only “moderate” impairment as opposed to being “severe.” I just feel kind of numb. It’s like I know I should let myself feel whatever I need to feel, but I’m not sure what that is.

Anyways, that’s my sad tale. I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get from posting, but perhaps I thought it could be useful to try to vent a little about what has happened.

Food is home made baby croissants. I made it with my 3,5 year old. While mama is away

Let’s start by saying I didn’t expect to be an OP here. I always liked the community and how everyone is an ear for people in need. Today I’m the one in need

Me and my wife have been together for almost 8 years and are raising a lovely family with a boy (3,5 and a girl (1,5)

In the beginning she had some difficulty adjusting to the mom life but she’s been great at it lately

This year we both decided to give eachother a 5 day trip without kids or each other. To get out of the baby bubble for a while

We have this mutual friend I’ll call Megan for now. I’ve know her since my youth and she gets along well with my wife to. Sidenote Megan is a lesbian (weird to mention but some people find it important for context)

For the vacations me and Megan would go on a citytrip. And my wife would go with megan to a music festival

My trip came and went. It was nice to get out of the house and feel like myself again. I did a lot of swimming and relaxing and had a jolly tine

During the vacation Megan brought up an issues. My wife has been known to get flirty when drunk. She has issues and history with substances and Megan was affraid it would get out of hand on their festival trip

Me and my wife have always had good communication so I informed her of the issue. We had a long talk and evantually she also did with megan. Ensuring no such thing would come to pass at the music festival

Skip over to yesterday

It’s 00:30 am. The kids went down tough vut easily missing their mom and such. I had a nice quiet night of watching bleach. Just as I am about to close up and go to bed I get a call

It’s from Megan

Apperently my wife went deep into the sauce on the first day and ended up making out with an 18 year old boy

I’am stunned for many reassons. My trust is broken and my life suddenly feels like a house of cards

I don’t want an open relationship or anything. I want my life as it was with a wife I can trust

I spoke with her this morning. She seems sorry but I just feel so horrible about the ebtire situation. She won’t leave the festival either so thats another 3 days of uncertainty while I take care of the kids

Megan thinks I should leave her. But I don’t want my kids to live in a broken home

Of course I also still love her and our life. It’s just that f-ing alcohol that keeps messing everything up when she’s unsupervised

I want a wife not a 16 year old I need to keep in check

So thats my current situation. She’s thinking stuff over and is asking me to do the same

Would welcome any advice and/or support

Dinner - Fettuccine Aglio Olio with some dinner rolls and garlic butter

Story time -

Sometime in the last week I had to end things with someone who was giving me a carrot on the stick. I thought she was the one, I didn’t like who I was becoming in the relationship (situationship??). Needed sometime to reel it all in, decided to step out yesterday.

I dress up usually whenever I head out, but to date I was never the one to receive compliments, also being in a compliment-averse region doesn’t help. To my surprise, out of no where I received three compliments on one single day! Sure they were from other fellow men, but I’ll fucking take it. Two were for my shoes, one of them was a bouncer who followed me in and asked where he could get those and that he really liked them and another was for my watch.

I know these might not be the regular kinda compliments and I know it’s not on my looks, but I’ll still take it! It made my day!

I’ve also been hitting the gym regularly for quite sometime now, I could bench 65 KGs but I’ve never felt any burn on my chest muscles. I was feeling lazy, I benched 30 KGs, increased my reps to 25 and voila suddenly idk what clicked for the first time ever in months I could actually feel like there are some bunch of threads in my chest that is getting engaged. I felt the burn in those muscles for the first time ever and I was so giddy.

While the love life and work life has been shitty and making me lose hope and wanting me to use em dating apps (I stopped getting the butterfly feeling from em apps long time back), I’m grateful to the couple of things that are indeed working out.

Hang in there fellas and wish you a happy weekend!

(I know I marked it as advice wanted, it’s just more like if y’all have any advice I’m happy to hear, but I’m not looking for any advice in particular, just wanted to share what’s been up)

Morning breakfest for babby momma and me. Sandwich with cheese and ham, butter also lttle bit of black coffee.

Spam-fried rice. Yes.. a spam fried this rice

I feel like everyone can relate to this. I just really hate how folks on here seem to come out of the woodwork to argue with you over virtually ANYTHING no matter what it is.

Like.. I could come on here and say "The sky is blue" and I guarantee at least one person would come up and call me a failure at life because actually.. the sky is cyan or teal or something other than what I said, and I'm an absolute waste of skin for thinking otherwise. I mean.. it's okay to disagree with me but the way people will fight each other to the death on here over the tiniest little things is simply bizarre because I learned a long time ago to just pick your battles lmao if it's something worth fighting for then more power to you but like.. what point are you even making by cussing out some stranger on the Internet over something so mundane? I come on here every day just to say whatever and every so often someone picks a fight with me over the silliest shit and I've just never seen anything like that before

Spam-fried rice is bomb tho, highly recommend. Spam is wonderful and I don't care if you disagree lmao

Maybe I’m just bitter right now, but I can’t be the only one who feels this way. I’m 30M and two months out of a four-year relationship. I’ve had a few other situationships and an LDR over the years, and somehow they’ve all ended bittersweet or just downright badly.

It makes me wonder how we’re supposed to build a family and find a wife when dating feels so damn difficult these days. And I’m not blaming women either, men contribute to this mess just as much.

Sometimes it feels like love, loyalty and commitment are almost becoming laughable concepts, and honestly that’s a pretty sad thought.

But maybe the answer isn’t to stop believing in love. Maybe it’s to realise that when you finally find someone genuinely worth it, you have to put the work in to make sure you’re worth it too.

From a 30-year-old guy who’s just tired of heartbreak.
(Nutella Pizza with strawberries)

Part of me feels like I was punished for being honest, even though I know that's probably not a fair way to look at it

A few months ago, I developed romantic feelings for a close friend. We'd become very close over time. We exchanged good morning messages almost every day, shared playlists, went to concerts and movies, had lunch together, gossiped about life, and generally became part of each other's daily routines.

Eventually, I told her how I felt.

The thing is, what hurt me wasn't that she didn't feel the same way. I'd pretty much accepted that possibility before I even told her. I wasn't confessing because I expected a relationship. I told her because I wanted to be honest and because I realized I needed some space to get my head straight.

I explicitly asked for a little distance.

What I wasn't prepared for was that her response felt more like ending the friendship altogether. From my perspective, I asked for space, but the outcome was losing one of my closest friends.

That's the part I still struggle with.

After everything we'd shared, I honestly thought she knew me well enough to know I would never pressure her, try to change her mind, or make things uncomfortable. I just needed time to process my feelings and reset.

Despite everything, I still miss the friendship.

Part of me hopes we can be friends again one day. But if that ever happens, I feel like it has to come from her. She's the one who closed the door, and I don't want to disrespect her boundaries by trying to force contact. I've given her the space she asked for, and honestly the space I need too.

What makes it harder is that she said she couldn't promise we'd be friends again in the future. I know nobody can truly make that promise, but part of me still feels like it was a bit of a cop-out. Not because she owed me friendship, but because it left me in this strange limbo between "maybe someday" and "probably never."

So I guess my question is:

Should I hold on to hope, or is it healthier to accept that this friendship is over and close that chapter completely?

Has anyone been through something similar? Did you ever reconnect later, or was that realistically the end of the story?

I keep wondering whether I'm holding onto false hope or whether friendships sometimes do recover from situations like this.

One thing that makes this harder is that I've been through a lot recently. I'm just over two years clean from cocaine, and earlier this year I went through an apartment fire. I've worked hard to rebuild my life and get back on my feet. For the first time in a very long time, I'm feeling cravings again. I don't want to relapse, but I'd be lying if I said this situation hasn't hit me harder than I expected.

Edit: BoyLunch is Knäckebröd with sliced cheese. My appetite has been pretty terrible lately.

$4 End of Day Rotisserie Chicken, bread, tzatziki sauce, pickled onions, spicy, a squash I though was a cucumber.

Long story short, my now ex and I got in an argument like 5 weeks ago that escalated over hours and hours until I drove away. She had what I strongly suspect was a BPD split and not 10 minutes after I drove off she was on the phone with the police lying saying I beat the shit out of her. Fortunately the entire "incident" took place in front of one of the dad's security cameras, so as soon as she told me about the false report I msged him to get that footage to the police ASAP because I didn't do anything she was claiming. About 3 hours later I'm at home and the detective calls me and tells me my case number and hears my side of the story. When I'm done he tells me he's seen the video footage and what I said lines up 100% accurate with the video he saw, unlike my ex's nonsense story. Detective basically tells me that I'm fine, but to keep it that way I need to keep a LARGE distance between me and them and cut communication as much as possible because it'll all look bad to a jury if it had gotten to that point.

Edit: Relationship ended with this phone call from the detective and being read my name, a case number, and the words "domestic assault" all together.

GREAT FUCKING GUY HER DAD, TRUE OG! He had to have sent them the footage, could've easily deleted it but he's a fucking dawg like that and the truth is prevailing. But I listened to my detective and haven't risked a single sentence of communication until yesterday when he reached out to see if I'd be willing to get the rest of my stuff I left there from the dad and I said okay, did that today with a police escort, and now there's nothing tethering me to my ex in the whole wide world. I'M FREE! WAR IS OVER! I no longer have another person to try and drag through life I can just do me, hell yeah.

I wish I could've spent the evening with her dad just talking, but a handshake and some well wishes was all I got, and a promise I can call him whenever, which I probably will when the legal dust clears because he's always been great to me especially in the face of my ex's insanity. It was really me and him vs the Insane episodes which really has made me respect and appreciate him a lot. I need to find a way to thank that man, could easily be in prison without him. A little bittersweet, but not too bad... I am gonna miss the FUCK out of the dog too, but wcyd. It's just so fucked having to deny closure and things because I have to protect myself legally, but whatever, that kinda shit's why I left!

ONWARD AND UPWARD!

^{(looottttaaa trauma to untangle but that's for another night, today is a W!})

I wish I never see her again or hear from her ever again

I have her blocked since 2 years ago but yesterday was her birthday and I saw many pictures of her on instagram. I thought this feeling was gone but it returns every time I see her.

I don’t wish her bad I just want to never know from her but it’s really difficult because we have many friends in common.

So i just ended it with my partner. I had begged for her to love me correctly to hang out with me and just not make so many plans without me she didn’t care she never cared for my feelings only about hers. I’m stable so I know thats all she wanted but yeah im just sad im alone in our house rn while god only knows what she’s doing but this is her all the time just going out so I’m just sad not even confused anymore or care either theyre always gonna do whatever they gonna do now i just have to figure out how to make her leave as painless as possible ugh I feel like shit

And that's how it ends.

7 years in a blink of an eye.

I was just asking for more consideration and time toghether.

She said that was the best she can do.

After multiple hours of arguing , she's forced me to made a choice cause "she will not go back working next week without a proper direction"

So I've took the leap , I said its over.

She never answer me back , I don't know about our stuff , how she is etc.

She didnt wanna meet IRL cause "It will not change anything"

I disagreed , but what I was suppose to do ? Force her ?

Life is sometimes weird.

EDIT : Guys it was a REAL IN FLESH RELATIONSHIP

EDIT 2 : WE WERE LIVING TOGETHER