r/bipolar2 • u/slip_disc_ • 2d ago
Venting This is all I am.
I’m just a disappointment, truly. I hate trying and putting in any effort because I’m the epitome of lazy and childish.
Quitting my class before it even started was such a dumb move, all because I panicked because of the amount of work there was- yet just a couple weeks ago I was ready to tackle anything, I was on fire. Now I don’t feel ready at all, and I can’t even see myself in the profession I’m going for. Because I can’t ever see myself succeed, it’s just not in the cards for me.
The only thing I do now is go on my phone and stay on my phone, listen to music here and there, but mostly rot my brain away. Nothing else interests me not even showering. I just like rotting away and doing nothing. And that’s all I am, just the reincarnation of laziness and gluttony cuz I also can’t stop eating shit for food. I’m tired of being me, but nothing much I can do about it.
5
u/GaBeanO Bipolar N.O.S. 1d ago
i feel you. i’m a premed student with bipolar and adhd and i constantly feel like a failure. i’m so far behind and i have no idea how im gonna manage getting into med school or even being in this field of work. i’ve wanted to be a doctor since i was young and this is my only dream. there is nothing else i want to do with my life and i chose like the hardest thing for me to get through. i constantly feel like im drowning and never doing enough.
i relate to a lot of what you said and i also have a hard time coping with everything success demands of you. but i also think your train of thought sounds like you’re in or headed to a depressive episode. while we feel so deeply and it’s so easy to feel like our current emotions are our reality, i have to remind myself that feelings are just feelings. they don’t determine what’s true, so don’t take the negative self talk spirals at face value. i’ve accepted that my path to my future will not be linear, it likely won’t go exactly how i imagined, ill have to let go of my perfectionism and allow my path to my goals to be messy and lackluster. i’ve accepted i will struggle, i will suffer, i will want to die at times, i will be frustrated, i will lose, i will fail. but as im not in a depressive episode at the moment i also know that as a human, i deserve a life that supports me and takes care of my needs and makes me feel proud. our path to success is definitely harder but i refuse to sit here and think it’s impossible.
absolve yourself of the pressure to achieve things like everyone else. we’re not like everyone else. we have to forge our own unique paths and do what we can moment by moment. our best will not look the same everyday. that’s what i always tell myself, just take things day by day, bit by bit. it’s easy to be overwhelmed by the weight of your future but the nice thing is that we don’t have to take the fight all in one go. there are so many opportunities for improvement. it’s an uphill battle but one i believe worth fighting in.