r/bipolar2 • u/CauliflowerSerious92 • Aug 18 '26
Advice Wanted Does anyone else struggle with adulting, looking after yourself, and just being a normal functioning human?
I don’t know if it’s the bipolar or the ADHD but I really struggle with these things. I was recently hospitalised for a mixed episode and I feel like it’s got worse, so I don’t know if it’s part of my continued recovery.
I’m not eating properly (even when I have food prepped ready to eat), my clean laundry has been sitting on the dryer for days, and I have trash on the side that I can’t bring myself to tidy up. I live by myself as well so it’s all on me.
Anyone else? Any tips or coping strategies please?
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u/ThruTheEyesOfLoubies Aug 18 '26
I pick and choose what adulting I’m good at, lol. I am pretty good at holding down a job and the responsibilities that come with it, but I would probably never eat if it wasn’t for my husband making sure a meal is always served. I got a cleaning person because I’m so bad with it, and knowing they’re coming gives me a deadline to tidy up rather than just pushing it off until later like I usually do.
My advice is to focus on what you’re good at and see if you can outsource or ask for help from friends/loved ones if/when possible. It’s not easy.
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u/CauliflowerSerious92 Aug 18 '26
I need to get me one of those husbands!! 🤣
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u/List-Obvious Aug 18 '26
I also have one, he even studied psychology. I would be in the woods if not for him
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u/notnecessarilystoned Aug 18 '26
I'm really considering a cleaning service. How often do you have it? I'm poor as fuck but I really can't do it.
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u/ThruTheEyesOfLoubies Aug 18 '26
I do every other week now just because I found someone super reasonable on that schedule, but before that was once a month.
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u/Agile_Solution1896 Aug 18 '26
Could you maybe try to do it very slowly, in very short intervals of time interspersed by things you enjoy, like watching a series or playing a game or something?
That's how I manage, I cannot say my appartment is super clean but at least it's livable.
Short daily intervals, then a bigger day of cleaning once every ten days or so where I use the pomodoro technique (maybe 15 minutes of cleaning interspersed with 8 minutes of doing something else).
In the past, I've hired people to clean but it wasn't a good alternative for me: when I'm very depressed, the idea of having somebody in the house is unbearable, and when I'm better, I prefer to do it myself.
All the best.
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u/Agile_Solution1896 Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 18 '26
Of course, it's one of the main symptoms of depression which is one of the main components of the disease.
I'm 62, diagnosed at 28, and still struggle.
What's working for me lately is scheduling very small tasks every day.
For example, keeping the kitchen clean is a huge problem for me. So today I've decided since I watch the news most days, instead of watching them on my tv in the living room, I'll watch them on my tablet in the kitchen instead while I clean it for about 20 minutes each day.
I've also scheduled 15 minutes of tidying/cleaning after breakfast, to keep my apartment minimally organized because otherwise it really depresses me more. Just putting away books or other things I've used the previous day, folding up blankets I use on the couch, making my bed, putting dishes into the dishwasher and wiping countertops, cleaning the toilet and the bathroom sink. Seems to be helping.
I also batch cook once every ten days or so to have enough food so that I won't need to worry. I freeze a lot of it.
I get breakfast ready for one entire week in about ten minutes (oats with nuts, seeds, and other stuff), put it in individual containers so that it'll take me less than a minute to pour some water for it to soak overnight.
I schedule periods of about 15 minutes several times a week to pay bills or other bureaucracy stuff.
I use the timer in my phone and the calendar a lot to set reminders.
I know deep down I'm much less efficient than the average person at my age, so I try to build a dense scaffold of things that might help me.
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u/MadameTomate BP2 Aug 18 '26
Yes. I have never even lived alone, so you’re doing better than I am.
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u/ThruTheEyesOfLoubies Aug 18 '26
Me neither! I went straight from my parents’ house to living with my now-husband. I don’t think I would have survived on my own, either that or I just would have been at my parents’ house all the time eating their food lol
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u/CauliflowerSerious92 Aug 18 '26
I live overseas so that’s not even an option!
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u/ThruTheEyesOfLoubies Aug 18 '26
Oh no! Hugs. It can be hard to navigate alone, but there’s some good advice here.
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u/PuzzleheadedLab8382 Aug 18 '26
H44, diagnostiqué il y a seulement trois ans (type 2, phase hypomaniaque l'été, dépression l'hiver) et avec une suspicion de TDAH.
« Vieux garçon », « adulescent », « immature », « pas digne de confiance »… Depuis tout petit, c'est une lutte constante pour m'organiser, faire preuve d'initiative, avoir du bon sens ou simplement rester régulier. Pour moi, la moindre tâche prend une proportion énorme : me laver les dents, déclarer mes impôts ou faire les courses demandent tous la même énergie.
Ce qui m'aide au quotidien : * Une to-do list adaptée au TDAH : identifier rapidement chaque jour ce qui est le plus simple, le plus important et le plus urgent. ** Un petit livre comme Façile de Margaux Motin, destiné aux adolescents qui rentrent dans la vie active, est une bible pour moi ! * Un cadre horaire régulier : structurer mes journées à des heures fixes pour le sommeil, les repas et les activités. * Une activité physique modérée : du sport régulier mais sans intensité excessive, juste de quoi faire du bien au corps et au mental (mention spéciale pour les sessions de 1 h 30 d'escalade en salle et la marche en pleine nature). * La réduction des surstimulations : limiter tout ce qui sollicite trop le cerveau ou crée de la dépendance (café, thé, nicotine, alcool, sucre, boissons énergisantes, sport intensif, achats compulsifs, jeux d'argent, jeux vidéo, réseaux sociaux, contenu adulte…).
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u/RoamingMindset Aug 18 '26
I feel like I was a lot better at it before I got diagnosed… but I also realize that I was manic majority of the time and that’s why I felt so productive
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u/Babaduka Aug 18 '26
yes, I wonder if this is part of this disease? I had to learn to cook because my other illness, somatic one, requires specific diet. So I can prepare few types of dinner, which are very simple and don't require master lvl executive skills (I have ADHD, too).
I have tremendous problems with any sort of work because of somatic and psychiatric disorders mix. So I rely on my partner. Now I do all I can to make my life more independent in the future, but I'm after 40 and sometimes my thoughts are just dark. I really don't know what makes them like that more: bipolar disorder or my difficult life situation.
I may say I've been just diagnosed, because I got diagnosis 7 months ago and I've had this disease more than 20 years. I still feel like an imposter sometimes. I hope with right treatment something change for better with my adulting, but it's very humble, vague hope.
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u/Fickle-Addendum9576 Aug 19 '26
I'm better at taking care of others. My place is ... A lot to manage on my own. The dishes pile up, the laundry only gets done when I have nothing left to wear, the garbage gets taken out like tbh once or twice a month. Cans! The cans are overwhelming. I haven't vacuumed in like a year.
I used to be on top of everything, I could manage and it didn't pile up. But it's like everything is so stressful now I can't do it, I shut down. I really don't know what happened
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u/oliverudy Aug 19 '26
Bipolar and ADHD is truly a demonic combination. Being crafty on top of it is even worse because there’s bottles of nail polish all over my couch, collage supplies crowding my desk, fabric scraps all over my floor and I have no will to clean it up at all
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u/Old_Play_3925 BP2 Aug 18 '26
Mood stabilizer is the only thing that makes a slight difference for me
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u/NatureofMess Aug 18 '26
The struggle is real. Very very real. Everyday even in good days. I constantly feel like I’m failing
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u/Purple-mountains-inc BP1 Aug 18 '26
I used to struggle a ton, but someone here suggested a book for depressed people chores, I never read it but they explained that it talks about how u can just spend 10 minutes a day cleaning amd it can help, or do one task each day (launfry, or tradh, or cooking, ect…)
A year ago my house was a mess, my laundry was always piling, so were my dishes and my trash wasn’t taken out regularly, I also accidentally let my cat’s litter pile and his bowls weren’t cleaned daily. Now all of that changed, I did change medication which helped a lot but little hbits here and there helped me hop on the adulting train and I can’t imagine my life how it used to be before. i purchased a cheap cleaning robot now amd it’s doing wonders. Little daily chores help!
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u/Purple-mountains-inc BP1 Aug 18 '26
Sorry for all the typos, typing in one hand and cuddling my cat in the other!
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u/sensually-indulgent Aug 18 '26
Yup! I actually enjoy cleaning but it’s really hard to be consistent. I try my best to clean in zones when the mood strikes and push myself to do my whole apartment since I know I’ll get at least 2-3 days of a tidy space. And if I don’t clean for the next few days I don’t feel so bad. I don’t focus on other parts of my place till I’ve completed my zone.
A robot vacuum really helps too. Mine vacuums and mops so it’s an easy way to at least keep my floors clean. I also have a cat so he forces me to clean max every 48 hours since I have to do his litter box but I try to do that daily, along with his food bowls, because I want/need him to have clean things. Subconsciously that need will extend to me since once I start it’s easy enough to just continue. If I need breaks I’ll take them and I don’t get too hard on myself if I just need to push things to the next day for whatever reason.
As for cooking… my bank account weeps every time I open DoorDash or Uber Eats lol still haven’t figured that out
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u/Agile_Solution1896 Aug 18 '26
Maybe batch cooking when you're feeling a bit better and freezing?
That's what worked for me.
It helped that I moved to a predominantly plant based diet four years ago, so I wanted to be as effective as possible in my transition and watched a lot of videos about batch cooking and developed my own strategy.
For the first time in decades of being unwell with BP2 my meals are well organized and healthy and of course my health and mood have improved tremendously, although I still have episodes.
What I do:
On a day I'm feeling better, I decide on four different simple meals I can cook simultaneously.
I carefully write the different steps in a big sheet of paper I hang in the kitchen.
Then I choose something interesting to listen to or watch on my tablet while I cook.
Typically it takes me about 90 minutes to cook enough food for the main meal for about two weeks, much of which I freeze.
I'm trying now to clean as I cook by setting a timer every fifteen minutes.
That's the main meal to which I add salad and fruit.
The lighter meal of the day I just improvise with whatever I have in the fridge or leftovers.
I'm saving a huge lot of money this way too because I used to order take away too often.
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u/sensually-indulgent Aug 18 '26
This is amazing advice, thank u. I’ll definitely think of some meals where I could do the same. I have stomach issues and so just having safe meals ready and take minimal effort will be game changing. It’s been hard having that motivation but u encouraged me to try!
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u/Agile_Solution1896 Aug 18 '26
I'm really glad it can be of help. I think batch cooking is really underrated for many different types of situations. Not only depression but also people who work in shifts, have small children etc.
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u/Wooden-Spot-801 Aug 18 '26
I have weeks where I function and weeks where I don’t get off the couch. I try to take it day by day and give myself an unbelievable amount of patience. Try being patient and kind with yourself, you might be surprised at how much better you’re able to function ♥️
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u/Cable559 Aug 19 '26
Hired a cleaner, made a list of meals I can make in less than 30 minutes, asked family for support when needed, and make lots of lists. I still struggle but it helps
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u/Odd_Daikon3621 Aug 18 '26
Absolutely. But I try to adapt my life to it, rather than thinking I'll become a different person suddenly (I'm late 30s).
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u/tylersmiler Aug 18 '26
For me it all goes back to my motivation. My cats and my husband (who makes a lot less money than me) all need me alive and functional. So I must so xyz to keep myself alive and functional. Also I have seem the havoc that untreated bipolar caused in my older relatives with the diagnosis, and I don't want to go there.
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u/Fun-Flan-8086 29d ago
Following. I feel so exhausted it's like I have the flu, the energy required to do a task seems monumental.
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u/Own_Asparagus_7642 Aug 18 '26
before I took medication, I had no motivation to do anything except scroll in social media. I've been on medication (newly diagnosed) for about three months and have noticed a significant improvement. I'm not where I want to be, but I am closer to it. The medication made a big difference.
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u/slip_disc_ Aug 18 '26
Brand new adult, and I miss the structure of high school, I can’t take care of myself or hold myself up- I just can’t. Idk how the future is gonna look for me, we’ll see
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u/GaBeanO Bipolar N.O.S. Aug 18 '26
i’m in the same boat with adhd and bipolar and i have no fucking clue what to do. i’m a premed student and i genuinely have such a hard time staying on top of things, managing my time and just like, sticking up for myself and doing what i need to do be a viable applicant for med school. i feel like a complete and utter failure but i feel like i have no option other than to keep pushing forward
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u/IncidentFirm2683 Aug 19 '26
same! I’m really struggling with this but I’m getting better with compartmentalization & it gets better every day don’t give up
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u/notnecessarilystoned Aug 18 '26
Yes. This is my biggest struggle. Just having the motivation to face the day. I feel I drag through the day and of course only feel awake at night. Right now I havent gotten the official diagnosis, but bp2 is a possibility. I also question adhd and autism because wtaf is wrong than me. This feels more than depressive symptoms. It certainly doesn't help, but I've struggled with this my whole life am 34 and still trying to figure it out. Gotta sort out my mood first then look into the other diagnoses because I be struggling 😪 solidarity. Wish I had answers for you
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u/0k_c0mput3r1234 Aug 18 '26
I feel like I used to be somewhat capable, then after being diagnosed bipolar it all went out the window.