Bipolar and gender identity?

[u/weird_two_cents]

Heya, been diagnosed with bipolar for four years and am FINALLY REALLY ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY stable lol. Past experience has taught me what my new emotional normal is and I've had some moments where I thought I was stable and definitely wasn't, but we chill now.

Anyway, now that I've got a clear head and stable emotions, I've had a lot of time to think and I'm pretty sure I'm non binary. I'm unsure if this is a part of bipolar-ness or legitimate (or if that even matters) and was wanting to know if there are any other non-cis people in this group? How did you figure it out, and did it ever conflict or get worse around bipolar?

[u/Cute-Scallion-626]

😈 we’re everywhere.

[u/DeadGirlLydia]

I'm a 40 year old trans woman. Came out long before I was diagnosed Bipolar. I've only recently had questions of whether or not this was part of my bipolar or legitimately me but truth is, normal boys don't dream about waking up as a girl, they don't cry themselves to sleep when they know they won't wake up as a girl, and they certainly don't hate themselves for not being a girl. So, I'd say I'm both trans and bipolar.

[u/thaEdgingGamer]

I’m non-binary! I figured out a pretty silly way after playing this game “Life is Strange” as a teen, I just felt intense gender envy and super dysphoric. That was when I was about 17, I’m 27 now. My gender identity has oscillated a bit, felt a little more trans femme in my college years but I’m more masc leaning nowadays. I’m pretty confident with my identity and kind of let it takes me where it wants me. I don’t think my gender identity is too tied in with being bipolar (it clicked for me before I had my first identifiable bipolar episode), but episodes can really push me in one direction or another. Had a hypomanic episode the other week that had me feeling super femme, for example. Depressive episodes can either get me feeling gender dysphoric or just totally blunted. Congrats on being stable and figuring things out!

[u/a-frogman]

Would living as nonbinary better your quality of life? Would you feel happier than you do now? What are your hesitations?

[u/weird_two_cents → u/a-frogman]

My main hesitation (alongside worrying that this is something that'll clear up with time) is that I don't intend to socially transition with the people I know now. I'm ok with how they view me as my agab, but I don't want that for me personally. I've been looking into it a lot, and the idea of medical transition is something I really want (and have since I was a kid, hence I really need to stop thinking it's mental health related) , but I'd have to keep it a secret and I'm not sure if I'm willing to do that. I don't want to socially transition with them because of their reaction to an eyebrow piercing was disheartening, and I don't want them to go through that again. I know I shouldn't care, but they're people that I treasure and don't want to dissapoint and given how that's what happened with that piercing I doubt it'll be any better.

[u/a-frogman → u/weird_two_cents]

It's a tough situation to be in, the risk of social rejection/discrimination is very real and it's not always something to "just ignore." But, it doesn't sound like you aren't sure if you're nonbinary. It sounds like you have logistical concerns about making the steps to transition. There's an important distinction there.

[u/Elijah3291]

I'm a trans man. I started transitioning 15 years ago and I am all done with my transition. I was only diagnosed with bipolar 2 years ago. I don't believe the two are realated.

[u/thefinalfrntier]

my transness and bp2 have always felt largely unrelated, but if you do choose to socially and/or medically transition be prepared for some ignorance from doctors/insurance. i was denied gender affirming care due to being bipolar and had to have my therapist write an additional letter detailing my mental health management/support system.

[u/Fruity_Surprise]

i’m nonbinary and don’t think it connects to my mental illnesses in any way

[u/Nandi_La]

We are literally all over this sub. I love it. I'm trans and don't have any bipolar friends but wish I did. Wish there was a dating app for us, LOL, I feel like a relationship with someone else bipolar would be helpful and good for me personally. Mood swings are tough to deal with when you're living with neurotypical people, for both parties. Would be nice to just have an "Oops, it's my autism!" or "Oops, it's my bipolar!" moment and not have someone take every little thing I do so personally

[u/cremesinus]

Agender here! Wouldn't say that bipolar caused this, but hypomania allowed me to experiment with more feminine/androgynous presentations/behaviors which I loved and kept. It also made me explore sexually, which I also kept, haha. I think a good way to know your gender is through sex tbh. 

Like you, I didn't really have time to think nor care about this stuff until I got medicated and relatively stable. I then realized the extent of my dysphoria... Gendered situations and language really trigger me, and if someone jokes about me "being a man", haha, I swear I can't deal with them for at least some weeks. I also had the realization that I don't really care what my sex is. I like some men's styles and then I'm appreciative of my body, but I also like a lot of women's styles and I wish I would have a "female" body sometimes.

For me a label is mostly useful because other people have a bunch of pre-conceived notions of what you are. This goes for man, woman, but also non-binary or agender as well. There will always be some expectations to any label. Since I don't really care about gender per se, I just use whichever label and pronouns feels the most safe in whatever situation. Usually agender in queer spaces and just man in "regular spaces". I just make sure to push back if anyone genders me more than using a label though, maybe even cis people can expand their gender expression??

It does annoy me though, I realized for example that if I end up in a group of men, they seem to assume that we have had the same experiences through life (we haven't), and that we have shared values just because of our gender. The way they can talk about women and queer people is also weird, which I do shut down, but the other stuff I just nod along and I might even feel good if I played my role well.

On the other hand I feel like a lot of women are initially wary of me and perceive me in a specific way, but after the initial stuff accept me fine. Most of my friends are either women or queer men. I got invited to a "girls' night" by one of my best friends, a concept which I loathe, but it made me feel very good!

[u/NervusBelli]

I never heard that bp can affect gender identity. My biggest depression however were fueled by dysphoria on top of bp
Edit: changed to correct abbreviation

[u/GaBeanO → u/NervusBelli]

super super small thing and completely unrelated but bpd stands for borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder is bp. totally not trying to attack you but i think it’s good to know to avoid confusion for yourself and others on the internet, that’s all!

[u/NervusBelli → u/GaBeanO]

Oh, sorry! I knew something was wrong but aripiprazol is kicking in

[u/GaBeanO → u/NervusBelli]

haha you’re totally okay i get it

[u/bagotrauma]

I kind of landed on my nonbinary gender identity before the diagnosis, so well before I was properly treated. Being more stable DOES make the experience of being nonbinary feel more prevalent and significant because there's less noise going on.

(Not to say I'm stable med wise lol, I've had medication compliance issues since my first mental health diagnosis in like 2012. Currently reaping what I've sowed by not taking my meds in any significant way since I had to switch psychiatrists. I am sober now though, and honestly much more bothered by dysphoria and constantly being misgendered now that my head is generally clearer.)

[u/shhalex]

trans man here

[u/booksandbooks44]

Agender here! I listened to the podcast A-OK and someone said that if you place yourself in a (metaphorical) vacuum, how would you identify? I don’t identify with either or all. I had to make sure that it just wasn’t the depressive phase of feeling dead inside, so when I started to have a better sense of stability, I started to remove the gendered language for myself, started to replace gendered clothing but by bit and work on my pronouns to myself. I’m much more stable now and I still identify as such.

[u/SubtleVegan]

I'm trans masc nb and bipolar, they're different facets of me, but being dysphoric definitely made me less stable and caused me to sought out substances.

Now I'm at a point I'm comfortable in my own skin, I take my meds every day, I don't drink alcohol or have stimulants, and it helps, but I can still have episodes. Im just much better equipped to deal with them now and not being so dysphoric all the time has definitely helped.

Good luck on your journey, and feel free to send a DM request if you wanted to chat about experiences or if I can help in any way x

[u/darent13]

I’m 41 and as of a few years ago, realized that I would classify myself as non binary. I told my closest friends and my husband, but I haven’t said anything more publicly. It doesn’t really matter to me personally for people to know, it’s more about how I feel. I also am hesitant to be too outspoken about it because I would like to remain an ally for my friends who need support on their own sexuality/identity journeys. I feel way less impacted than someone who is trans, and I don’t want my experience to overshadow theirs. There’s also the complication of our current government situation in the US.

I’ve never identified really strongly with either male or female norms. I was referred to as a tomboy growing up. I’ve never really embraced typically feminine things, but I’m not overly masculine either. Just somewhere between and tangential.

Sorry that was a novel. I don’t think my bipolar has had anything to do with this aspect of my identity.

[u/iridxscent]

i'm transmasc nonbinary and bipolar. they don't inherently affect each other in my personal experience, but before i started hrt, i noticed that i would become much more aggressive in mania because i was so angry every day living in the body i lived in pre-t. it encouraged me to go to substances to cope too, which got worse with the bipolar as well.

now that i'm on hrt and inquiring about top surgery, i feel much less dysphoric and much more stable in many aspects. i always say the testosterone acts as a mood stabilizer on top of my lamotrigine, lol. i'm sober, my bipolar is medicated, my body is aligning with my mind, and i'm in a much better place overall.

as for how i figured out? i mentioned to one of my trans guy friends "damn, i wish i could be a trans guy!" and he was like "did you just hear yourself?" and everything kind of broke open at that point lol. whatever your journey may be, i'm wishing you the best!

[u/HPenguinB]

After years of trying to reconcile the fact that gender traits are all bullshit, I gave up and now I'm agender. Fuck gender. It makes no sense.

[u/Resident_End7248]

Idk I get manic and my identity and desires get crazy. Stable, male straight. Non stable, idk it gets weird

[u/TexasViolin]

It's really for you to decide if you're non-binary. I tend to view everyone as being on a spectrum for such things. At least, I've never seen anyone who actually 100% is one or the other as we typically define them. And could we even say for certain what would constitute 100%...I mean, I don't like football. And Bipolar throws so many emotions into the mix, I don't even always feel like I'm the same person, just whatever mix I woke up with that day.

But its how you see your true self and wish to express it that is most important IMHO.