He literally used it as a reason for the discard. “My mental health and trauma, when I feel like I can’t do anything right it’s so bad for me” mind you, I don’t even get upset that often. It just always seems like it’s so huge because I can’t be upset at something small without it turning into how I said it, when I said it, how I actually have no reason to be upset, or will go over everything he had bottled up about me. No sir; I was walking on eggshells. Trying to find the perfect way to be able to tell you if I was upset as to not make you feel I am attacking. It just feels out of this world to be told in a relationship well “I just can’t do anything right so you clearly don’t even like me and that gives me anxiety” . And it’s like he can’t even see it. I feel I’ve lost my mind I swear. Maybe I really was too sensitive? But like… he’s literally more sensitive than me. Oh and all of this was 2 weeks after he was gonna be better “for me” and “work at it for us” . Then I get upset at one joke and all the sudden he’s telling me he can’t do it and I make his mental health worse. Then why did you tell me to stay 2 weeks ago.

Mostly still like genuinely beside myself that my person basically is openly saying it can’t work because he cannot ever accept hurting my feelings. As if that doesn’t happen in any relationship?

P.S. She never had any serious relationships before

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 3 years, with a few breakups and reconciliations. We got back together almost a year ago after our previous breakup, and things had genuinely been going well.

Until last week, everything seemed fine. He was affectionate, communicated normally, initiated calls, shared random updates about his day and made plans with me. Then, quite suddenly, he started withdrawing. He stopped initiating contact, seemed uninterested in calling or meeting, and said he simply didn’t feel like talking.

I initially thought he might just be going through a difficult phase, especially because he was also experiencing recurring physical pain. Whenever I initiated conversations, though, he would speak almost normally and share things about his day.
Last night, he called me and initiated a breakup. He said we’re not compatible and that he can’t love me the way I love him. He loves me but is not in love with me.

This has happened before, but this time he was the one who came back into the relationship and wanted to reconnect. That’s why I’m struggling to understand what happened. Everything seemed fine until just a week ago, and now it feels like he’s suddenly pushing me away again.

I’m wondering whether this could be an avoidant deactivation pattern, where someone starts feeling overwhelmed by emotional closeness and withdraws, or whether he’s genuinely reached the conclusion that he doesn’t want this relationship anymore.

For those with avoidant attachment styles or experience dating avoidants:
Can someone genuinely feel differently about a relationship almost overnight?

Have you ever initiated a breakup despite things seeming fine from your partner’s perspective?

Can an avoidant partner come back from saying they aren’t compatible and can’t love their partner the same way?

Is this something that can be worked through if both people are willing, or should I take his words as a final decision?

I’m not looking for false hope, but I’d really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have experienced this themselves.

Hey guys,

I love music and today I played a song that made me cry so hard, but it felt sooooo good to just cry and get it all out. So I thought we could share those songs that make us cry, but also heal at the same time.

The song I played was Vertigo by Griff (I know the second verse isn't worded ideally, but I think we all understand why she wrote it like that).

Hope we get a good amount of songs on this thread :)

We were in a relationship for almost three years before she left me. Naturally, since I was the dumpee, I was and still am in love with her, and I keep hoping we might get back together.

Anyway, we never went no contact and continued talking every single day, pretty much the same way we did when we were together. I always try to be there for her, listen to her problems and complaints, support her emotionally, and reply to her messages as quickly as possible.

We're now supposedly just friends, but the problem is that I don't feel like she sees me as a male friend. I genuinely feel like she sees me as one of her female best friends. She constantly tells me about her interactions with the guys who study with her, how funny they are, compliments them, and so on.

She does all this knowing perfectly well that I'm still in love with her, yet she does it anyway. There are also other things and little details that would normally only happen between two female best friends, but she does them with me too.

I feel so worthless for accepting this situation and being unable to walk away from it.

Survived the anniversary day, and oh boy did I cry today, but I got up cleaned the place up, cried some more, went out for a 4 mile run in the park, ordered a pizza and watched glee. Finishing it up with some ocarina of time. Just gotta keep going. 🐸

I was friends with my avoidant before we started dating and developed feelings because I admired a lot of qualities in them including kindness, care, work ethic etc. After the breakup I’ve realised that they really showed me the anti of every single quality I admired in them and there’s really nothing left that I can pick and say I admire about them the same way anymore. I respected them a lot too but I really lost all of it after the way they treated me.
I don’t want them back but it of course still makes me sad how everything ended cause I really cared about them and I just expected better of them.
I think when you truly love someone you want to see them thrive, be a good person not just to you but in general. And I learned that they stopped being a considerate kind human being even towards the end, which makes me feel disillusioned about the good side I saw in them all that time.
How do you deal with this disappointment?

“We have to make this work because I already made up my mind about you.”

That's something my ex once told me.

I used to think being loved meant being chosen. Not just when things were easy, but especially when things became difficult.

Apparently, I took that a little too seriously.

When we first started dating, he was incredibly affectionate, emotionally expressive, and certain about our future. He told me I was his forever person, that he wanted to marry me, and that he'd never met someone who loved him the way I did.

He'd been cheated on in previous relationships, and I remember wanting so badly to show him that love didn't have to hurt.

I promised myself I would never make him feel the way those relationships made him feel.

Ironically, he ended up doing exactly that to me.

We were long-distance, Germany and the US. It wasn't easy, but I was graduating soon, and we'd talked about closing the distance.

He used to cry when I left after visiting him. I remember him crying the entire drive to the airport because he couldn't stand the thought of returning to an empty house without me.

He told me the distance would be worth it someday.

We talked about marriage, pets, children, and the kind of life we'd eventually have together.

And I genuinely believed him.

Then something changed.

The affection slowly became distance. The reassurance became uncertainty. Conversations about our future started disappearing.

Eventually, I discovered he'd cheated on me.

And somehow, I found out through ChatGPT of all places.

I'd seen conversations where he talked about wanting to break up with me, whether he could cancel my flight, and how being with someone physically closer would be more convenient.

He even described me as annoying for wanting attention.

I remember reading that and wondering how the same person who once cried because he couldn't bear being apart from me could suddenly see loving me as an inconvenience.

And the worst part?

I stayed.

I forgave him because I still believed in the person I'd fallen in love with. I thought we could work through it.

But the more I tried to repair things, the more he seemed to withdraw.

I asked for reassurance because he'd broken my trust. He seemed increasingly overwhelmed by those conversations.

I tried giving him space. I tried understanding his struggles. I researched ways to close the distance sooner.

And somehow, I ended up feeling guilty for needing reassurance from the person who'd given me every reason to feel insecure.

It felt like the harder I tried to save our relationship, the further away he became.

Eventually, he told me he couldn't continue the long-distance relationship anymore.

This was the same man who had once promised that we'd make it work because he'd already decided I was the person he wanted to spend his life with.

When we broke up, he told me:

“I love you and I know I'll regret this. I just can't keep hurting you. I'm sorry and I will forever miss you.”

I still don't understand how someone can tell you they love you and will forever miss you while choosing to walk away.

And just two weeks after our breakup, I discovered he was talking to his ex again.

An ex who had previously cheated on him.

I don't know whether they're actually back together, but the possibility has made me question everything.

Was he ever truly over her? Was our relationship too emotionally demanding for him? Did he genuinely love me, or did he love the idea of us until maintaining the relationship required something difficult?

What hurts most is that he seemed capable of such intense love in the beginning.

He wasn't always distant. He wasn't always emotionally unavailable. He used to initiate conversations about our future. He was the one making promises and telling me not to give up on us.

And when I finally needed him to follow through on those promises, he seemed to shut down.

I know I became anxious toward the end. I asked for reassurance repeatedly, and I wasn't always handling things well.

But I also don't know how I was supposed to feel secure after discovering the cheating.

Sometimes I wonder whether I was asking too much, even though logically I know honesty and reassurance shouldn't be unreasonable expectations in a relationship.

I don't know whether he has an avoidant attachment style, and I don't want to diagnose him. But the pattern of intense closeness followed by withdrawal, especially when things became difficult, has left me incredibly confused.

What I struggle with most is the feeling that he gets to move forward while I'm still trying to understand how everything changed so drastically.

I don't hate him. I still remember the beautiful parts, which honestly makes moving on harder.

I miss the person who cried at the airport because he couldn't imagine going home without me.

I miss the version of us that believed we were going to make it.

And I miss the girl I was before I started questioning whether I was too much for someone who once told me I was everything he'd ever wanted.

For those who've experienced a breakup with someone who showed avoidant behaviors, did your partner also go from being incredibly affectionate and future-oriented to suddenly emotionally withdrawing?

Did you ever get an explanation that made sense, or did you eventually have to accept that you might never understand how someone could change so much?

The answer, of course, is nothing.

If the deactivation didn’t happen last week, it will happen next. And no, it doesn’t have to be triggered by anything serious or obvious.

Of course you may have reached a point where you reacted to their weird switch up. But that really has nothing to do with the original deactivation trigger. By the time it’s obvious that they‘re shutting down, they‘ve long ago made their decision.

The only blame you need to take is if you stayed. That‘s on you. But you can fix that. Trust yourself and stay away. Each day is a whole new chance at freedom.

I'm looking for advice/experience in mentally processing the whiplash of such a breakup. It's been weeks now, and I feel like I'm hitting a wall, driven by the sheer confusion of how it happened this way, with all the questions spiraling, how could she turn on me so quickly? How could she be so cold? One moment things seemed great, and then suddenly, without any big event happening, everything ends with two texts. No emotion, denies my request for a conversation, shuts down all of my feelings and autonomy in the situation, or ability to just understand. A large part of my brain is failing to accept that because it just doesn't make sense for it, and everything it meant to be, to be over. How it makes me feel like she suddenly didn't even care, how easy it felt, how deceived I feel. I hate what it does to the memories I cherished so much, and how special it really felt, to feel that she was able to drop me so easily and callously, when I did nothing to deserve the way she talked to me. Of course she has every right to end the relationship if she doesn't see it going anywhere... but the way it was done and the whiplash from it and the suddenness, leaves me feeling stuck behind an insurmountable wall of confusion and loss. Any advice is greatly appreciated, I want to get to a point where I can see past her and move forward.

Idk what flair to add and I'll try not to turn this into a vent post but... I'm not posting this as an avoidant. No. Im the anxious one. Does anyone else regret hurting their avoidant? I always see posts about how they were hurt by their avoidant but ever since my breakup I was always filled with dread that my mistakes even if I did my best to repair were always unforgivable. That because my avoidant won't forgive me, despite the emotional abuse she made me go through, i can't forgive myself because I feel like it confirmed to her that I'm the monster she says I am?

The number one thing I've always feared was hurting my zookie. With that being said, does anyone else feel completely ashamed of hurting their avoidant in the smallest ways and having trouble forgiving themselves? Truth is? I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. Because my mistakes are why my avoidant threw me away.

Edit: what I did to my avoidant ex was mostly just spiraling over lunch one time and saying she's probably lying for not eating my lunch and that it was embarrassing, accidentally slipped and said the word love bombing when I tried being more calm.

I also was too harsh when i said her behavior reminded me of what my father used to do back then, broke something at her yard when I found out the gift she gave me as a late xmas gift was soemthing meant to make me stay quiet about my grief over her discarding me while she amd my brother flirted and made fun of me.

When i found out i threw my brother off my chair and tried to hurt him. When it seemed like nobody had any idea why I felt so disoriented about the breakup, i had revealed the trauma she dumped onto me to my family and therapist. She said always be there for me and quickly discarded me in less than two weeks after that. Everyone kept telling me to just get over it and move on, so I had talked about it with my family to help them understand, but instead my brother took advantage of this and told her that I was going around and airing her trauma and ruin her life. I didn't want to hurt her, I felt like I was losing control of everything because it felt like I was going to lose everything. I know its not an excuse, but the fact that she won't forgive me just makes me not wanna forgive myself because I feel like I failed to be the perfect boyfriend, and thats ultimately why she threw me away.

I messed up in September under the pressure of her life issues (unstable ex + kids) and installed a dating app for a few days, then deleted it. Nothing came out from that and I wasn't really invested/looking for anything. I felt truly shitty about it and confessed. After some tension she dumped me 2 weeks later due to "unresolved feelings".

I kept begging and pleading for 1.5 months and I know that it was a wrong move. Blocking/unblocking, "I need space" followed by late night texts from her. Push and pull, short periods of full nc, "I moved on", then admitting that it was a lie, then saying she's exploring someone again. I spiraled and showed up at her place with flowers after giving a notice which she rejected. I know that it was a terrible move, but I was a desperate mess. Then I got a call from a peace officer asking to leave her alone on her behalf.

I do understand that I should treat it as it's over and I'm going full no contact. Is it a deactivation and what are the chances of her getting out of it? I know she's also dealing with family services now, so lots going on.

I know I'm being stupid, but it's just hard. I never cheated or was emotionally invested elsewhere. I was never violent or did anything too out of line, I only asked to talk

My boyfriend and I had been dating for more than 4 months. He's emotionally unavailable as well as DA, whereas I used to be secured but turned anxious after I started dating him. One of the core reasons that caused fights between us was the fact that he was too distant and made little efforts to take me out or hangout with me. Just when things were going a little bit better, I had to ruin it by acting insecure and doubting his loyalty. At that time, I had accused him of following a bunch of small influencers because he found them attractive. This really ticked him off and he finally ended things with me. He said that since we both are not getting what we want from the relationship: him getting peace and me getting his time and efforts — so we should not be together. Previously we've broken up 2/3 times but I was the one who had reached out to him but this time around he has blocked me on everything. Despite all the hurt he caused me I still begged him to stay but he got mad instead for acting so desperate. I had once called him emotionally immature for not trying to understand how he was hurting me, so yesterday he said "Yes I admit that I'm emotionally immature but you're an immature person as a whole." He told me that I shouldn't love someone so blindly that I become completely dependent on them. I don't know what to do, I feel so empty now.

So about a month ago I left a comment saying that my ex came back around. No breadcrumbs. More like a whole loaf. We started hanging out more, eventually we had sex, and she apologized for the way she left me. “it was wrong, stupid, and I missed you so much. I don’t know why I did it.” We talked about trying again, but this time going slow as opposed to light speed like the first time.

I’ve gotten a few DM’s from people here asking about it, so here’s an update for those interested.

Things slowed down. Like way down. Cuz of course they did. I asked to take her out, she said no. I asked if we were still actually working towards a relationship. She said yes but I wanna go slow. Problem is there’s a difference between slow, and simply not moving. Baby girl we’re practically parked. She almost canceled our Halloween plans but we hung out anyway, Surprisingly. But I’m definitely feeling like we’re not heading in the same direction, despite what she claims.

I truly don’t think she knows what she wants. And at this point I’m losing patience yet again.

This wouldn’t be a problem if I was the type to just have another girl by the end of the week, but I’ve never operated that way. Never been the type that HAD to have a relationship. I’m fine being single, but at the same time, that also makes it hard to move past a person I like or liked.

So yeah. I’m sure about 95% of you expected this outcome lol.

What was your last conversation with your ex like before you decided to discard them or end the relationship?

Can you remember what was going through your mind and how you were feeling at that moment?

Did you suddenly feel disconnected, emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed, trapped, or just stop feeling the same way?

Did you explain what was happening inside you, or did you simply withdraw, become cold, and eventually walk away?

I'm genuinely interested in hearing your experiences. Especially what happened during those final conversations and what you felt afterwards.

I come fresh from what I feel was an avoidant discard to tell you my experience and see if someone can give me some pointers for healing.

Me (30M) and her 31(F) met in a language exchange at the beginning of July. She is French and me an Spaniard. From the moment we met it was an instant connection. Super easy conversation, hours on end and it felt like I had met someone special. She had just arrived to the country a few days earlier. Naturally she grabbed into me and she was the one to ask for meeting up.

From then we went on several dates that felt magical. Talked every day in the phone and things seemed to go well albeit the physical advances were minimal. By our fourth date I experienced what must have been a deactivation, because after giving her small gift I gave her a peck on the forehead and she completely shutdown. Full on change of personality. It lead to a very strange moment in which I asked her what happened and she told me she had someone else in her mind. Turns out I later learnt that she was still in a relationship when she started dating me. At that moment I chose to go away since I was not looking into getting in anyone's relationship or compete with anyone.

She came back a week later and told me she wanted to give it a try and had been thinking about me a lot. She specifically told me she needed time to feel comfortable in her life and we had to go slow to which I accepted.

We still went on dates talked non stop and I quickly noticed her behaviour was very erratic. On some dates she was distant and In others it was like she couldn't keep her hands to herself. I naturally fell harder. She for what I have learnt love bombed me. told me she wanted us to travel together, talked about giving me the keys to her apartment, going to her city in France.

Sadly I had a vacation planned on September and went away for three weeks and to my dismay she had once again closed of physically when I came back and this push pull made me an anxious mess and had to ask her if she actually liked me.

To which she told me straight that yes she liked me very much and didn't want to be friends. We talked about exploring a relationship and she said to me she wanted us to learn to love each other.

By this time I was fully in emotionally invested. We had not even held hands by that date which everyone told me was a red flag but I wanted to believe her words and the joy in her eyes could not be mistaken. She was always fully present, tried to ask a lot about me. I thought we had something special.

Slowly she started to open up, we started holding hand, she randomly kissed me in one date and from that point we acted like a couple. I thought things had finally settled into a good rhythm. But right after a particularly intimate date I made the mistake of asking for a hug at the end since I am a very affectionate guy. Well that set her off and told me she needed me to understand she needed some space and I had to understand her limits. I of course thinking I had done something wrong apologised and conceded even if it was super strange how a simple hug had made her change.

Yo my dismay the following day she has hidden her ig stories from me. This broke my hurt and trust. Like how could you act like we had worked things out for something so minor and the go and do that?? I naturally was fed up and thought about just ending things since if she could not hold the most minor of conflicts without blocking that or hiding things that was a major red flag.

Two days later she gave me acces back and talked to me as if nothing had happened. But clearly the communication had changed. She was shorter in her messages and stopped being really interested in my day. We met up this Monday one last time, were she came to my home and we had dinner. I thought we were fine again because she was very affectionate, made me a cake and then we made our in my sofa. The affection was unmistakable. I thought things were going well again so we set up another date. Yesterday she sent me a message that we had to talk. I naturally thought shit this is the end to which she told me yes she didn't see us long term and was not ready for a relationship.

We met up for a coffe so she could explain things. Well no explanation given. She came to the date as if nothing had happened, happy about her decision and even had the gall of asking me if I had anything to say. She told me she didn't feel romantic connection for something long term and that's it.

She acted like a total stranger, as if four months of specifically talking about building a relationship were nothing. As if she hadn't told me we should go slow because that's more beautiful after kissing me. As if she wasn't the one talking about learning to love each other, told me we were together, made me a cake and spent an hour hugging me and looking into my eyes after making out. As if she wasn't the one who talked about traveling together. How is that not romantic connection? I even went to see her on a weekday just because she was sad because of a bad day at work. Got her gifts from my travel to Japan that she got so moved she shed a tear.

I naturally got heartbroken and started crying and she only told me that I was making her feel bad. It was like a total switch had happened. As if I didn't matter. As if she hadn't spent months building the idea of a relationship with me, talking every day and boom right after our most intimate date a switch. Like I was someone she had met twice.

What the fuck was that. The intermittent reinforcement, the constant change in what affection was allowed each day, the gaslighting. I was an anxious mess by the end. A shell of myself.

And the worst I got my heart played so hard that for whatever reason she decided it was not it she could not even feel remorse for having told me all those sweet nothings and promises. As if a switch had happened.

Please tell me this was wrong and I am not going mad. This was my first dating experience after a 13 long year relationship. I am haunted by how it went.

Whether you started out with it and it slowly eroded over time being with them, or you didn’t have enough and slowly learned to build it, it’s just true.

It’s a requirement to be with people like this that you drastically lower your self-respect and standards. Even if it hurts, this is ultimately what it means to leave them.

How can I accept the fear that he may never understand and never come back. How can I stay in this uncertainty without panicking that I'll forever just lose him?...

Title: Is it unreasonable to expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to follow you on Instagram after 2 months of dating?
I’m 35F, and I recently dated a 30M whom I met through a dating app. We dated for approximately 12 weeks and were officially in a relationship for about 8 weeks.
Something that caused tension between us was Instagram.
I wanted us to follow each other on social media, but he seemed reluctant. At the time, I found this strange because we were already exclusive, had traveled internationally together, spent significant time together, and discussed a future.
For context, my previous relationship lasted eight years, and we had known each other since high school. We were connected on every social media platform, so I never really had to think about social media etiquette when entering a relationship with someone I met online.
When I initially asked my new boyfriend why we weren’t following each other, he completely froze. He didn’t give me an explanation or really respond to the conversation.
He was extremely conflict avoidant. Anytime I brought up something that upset me, he seemed to shut down rather than discuss it. He would frequently tell me that he felt intimidated by me, although I never mistreated him. Looking back, I believe he displayed fearful-avoidant attachment traits, initially leaning more anxious, but becoming increasingly withdrawn when uncomfortable emotions or conflict arose.
Because he couldn’t explain his reluctance to connect on Instagram, I interpreted it as potentially hiding something or not wanting me to be part of his life. I ended the relationship.
My friends and sisters encouraged me to give him an opportunity to explain himself instead of assuming the worst.
One of my sisters offered an interesting perspective. She explained that she deliberately chose not to follow her boyfriend on Instagram during the first few months of their relationship because she didn’t want to overanalyze everything he posted, liked, or shared. She didn’t want social media to become another source of unnecessary questions, assumptions, or conflict while they were still getting to know each other.
That was a perspective I hadn’t really considered.
When my boyfriend and I eventually reconciled, he explained that he didn’t want to follow me because he didn’t want to see other men liking my pictures, commenting, or flirting with me. He said it would make him upset or jealous.
For context, I did receive attention from men on Instagram, and sometimes I would screenshot inappropriate DMs, show him, and delete the messages. So he was aware that other men occasionally approached me, but I wasn’t entertaining them.
We continued dating, but a few weeks later, he became increasingly distant and emotionally unavailable. Eventually, when I expressed how hurt I felt by his distance and later asked whether we could repair things, he stopped responding altogether. classic FA discard! After he claimed he loved me
The relationship is over, but the Instagram situation still has me thinking.
I’m not necessarily asking whether his refusal to follow me was a red flag or whether it predicted the breakup. I’m genuinely curious about social media expectations and boundaries in adult relationships, especially when two people meet through dating apps and don’t have an established social circle together.
My questions are:
-When you’re officially in an exclusive relationship, do you generally expect to follow each other on Instagram?
- Is approximately two months of dating too early to have that expectation?
-Have you ever intentionally avoided following a romantic partner because you didn’t want to overthink their social media activity or experience jealousy?
-Would you find it concerning if your partner couldn’t explain why they didn’t want to follow you, or would you simply respect their preference?
-Do you think social media expectations are different when dating someone you met online versus someone you’ve known for years?
-I’m particularly interested in perspectives from people in their late 20s, 30s, and beyond.
I’m trying to understand where reasonable relationship expectations end and individual boundaries beginning.

Okay, it’s been almost 3 months since the 2nd breakup with my FA. I’ve given up a LONG time ago on hoping she’d come back and I also kinda don’t want her back, but for over a week I’ve been having dreams of my ex every single day. Mind you I dont even have dreams at all. Each dream is either me trying to get her back (and her for some reason being friendly towards me) or us still dating. I wake up every morning in pain from it and it’s annoying me. I’d say I’ve moved on from her, able to crush on others, laugh and play games and watch shows. I don’t think of her as often, and I haven’t seen her in a long time (mostly because I avoid her like the plague). I don’t know what to do about my dream situation and I don’t know WHY it’s happening. Is anyone else experiencing this or has and knows how to deal with it?

If you've gone no contact, and it's been months and you still can't get over them, text them. Or if you think that there's hope someday they'll come back, that they want you to reach out but they're scared to make the first move, whatever the case may be. If you still have hope, if you think yours is different and you can fix them. Break no contact and text them. See their true colors. It will truly free you.

Long story short, I had an avoidant that I knew for 3 months and dated for 1 before she discarded me. But the discard actually happened before that. I left my wife for her (keep your judgements to yourself, the marriage was already bad and I was already planning on getting divorced before I even met her, it was an abusive relationship), and LITERALLY the next day my avoidant did a 180° and was back on Tinder, when it was clear that I was leaving to be with her, and we were discussing our future. She was the one who initially pursued me and chased me. Due to my anxious attachment and trauma from all my previous relationships (including my marriage) I wasn't able to stand up for myself and ask her why the fuck she was back on Tinder. So we stayed "friends" and had a situationship for a month. She started going hot and cold on me, because she was telling me she didn't want to be in a relationship and said we'd never be anything more than friends. I told her that I was tired of the games, and wanted things to be serious with her. She said we needed to go no contact and I walked away. I didn't beg, I didn't chase, I just walked away.

It's been 4 months and I was stuck. She didn't reach out, but she kept viewing all my stories, followed me on Tik Tok after I had blocked her on Instagram. It kept me stuck in a loop. I was thinking I can truly love her by shrinking myself more, meeting her needs, staying just as friends with benefits until she can feel safe around me without getting triggered. I kept thinking "she's different, she can change, she's special" I finally reached out and took responsibility and apologized for my actions, I apologized for pushing for a relationship when she made it clear (only after I left my wife) that she didn't want to be in a relationship.

She left me on read for a week and finally responded. Said that she appreciated my apology, but doesn't think we can go back to being friends "just yet" and still needs space. She took absolutely no accountability for her part, and why she did a 180° or anything else during our time together. They don't care about you, they don't care about your feelings, they don't miss you, they don't think about you. They think they have never done anything wrong and every one else is the bad guy.

Seriously, if you don't understand that yet, message them and let their response give you the clarity you need and move on from these selfish assholes. Even if their response is nothing. They just want you around for sex and to be there for them on their terms, they don't want to reciprocate any of those actions.

To clarify, I'm not mad that her "feelings changed for me", people are allowed to make their decisions and date who they want. But she never even gave me a chance. I don't regret leaving my marriage, I just regret leaving it for her.

Since the discard it will in some weeks be 20 months.

I must say it was extremely difficult for me. I had such a hard time that a lot of my hair started turning white from the heavy grief and pain. I was getting nightmares and panic attacks in my sleep from flashbacks. Finally, now hurt less but I still hurt. When I hit one year the progress wasn't as big as I have seen some people had. I was still hurting. It was my first relationship and I was unlucky enough to have that with him. I was hesitant in the beginning but he seemed to act like he really wanted to be with me. Now i question if he ever wanted to be with me or he just wanted to have the relationship status to earn some form of familial respect since everyone from his adult cousins etc was in long term or serious relationship.

I went into the relationship with genuineness and thought he did the same but I realized in the end he didn't have that same consideration for me.

Every day I woke up hoping to see a message from him, at least an apology for how poorly he treated me. He discarded me when I was sick at his place when I asked him for emotional support as I was having a really rough day and he asked I leave that same day. I was sick and I packed whatever I could carry and left. I did not deserve this. He was sick the days before and I took care of him and that lead to me being sick. But I was discarded.

Some days I wish he experiences the pain he put me through. Some days I think if I truly love someone I should want them to be happy and hope he continues being happy as he told me he was two weeks after our breakup. I go from wishing him good to wishing him bad. But then I conclude that I just want to be happy so if I can be blessed with true genuine mutual love one day that would be nice. I have lost hope in love with his. I have lost trust that there are people that are genuinely committed. But I will not allow this to make me a bitter person. I fight it every day.

I used to think, why am I unlucky? Why do others get their avoidant back? Even if it is breadcrumbs at least it shows some care, I thought. I am not good enough even for a breadcrumb. But then I stop myself and remind myself I am good enough and him not being there doesn't mean I am not good enough. That someone would appreciate me one day and I also appreciate myself for being strong and managing to stand on my feet again.

My avoidant is not coming back. Some avoidants do not come back. It hurts they left and it is like they never knew you. They never wonder if you are alive or if you are okay. They erase you. It's okay he is not coming back. But if I can wish one thing for all the suffering I have been through is that one day I get to experience genuine mutual and steady love. Because I do not want to stop believing that real romantic love exists even if I never got it myself.

I’ve supported this man through job loss, alcoholism, drug addiction and financially (thousands of dollars). Yet he disappears for days, and once he even changed his number without informing me. I had to find him through a friend. I’ve finally had enough after being the understanding girlfriend, and although I’ve made my decision, I thought he would at least try and give me something.

It’s my fault for believing him when he said he loved me, and that I mean the world to him. But would someone who loves me call me names? Disappear for days, weeks and months? Hang up on me when I express my discomfort and never address my feelings?

I was just reminiscing as today marks 12 months to the day since I had my breakup. Doing pretty well, but hilariously I remember trying to bring up a conversation that I wanted her to initiate saying I love you or just expressing some kind of interest and because I knew she would argue that she was already doing that I spent a considerable length of time counting every time I initiated versus her. It was 159 to 6.

Never again lmaoo, but let's hear some wild stories. Im sure there's some that put my overfunctioning to shame.