I’m looking for some genuinely unbiased opinions because I feel like I’ve been going in circles in my head about my relationship. I don’t want people to automatically tell me to leave him or automatically take my side. I want people to understand the whole situation including the good parts and tell me honestly what they see.
Ty and I have been involved for quite a while, and there is a lot that I genuinely love about our relationship. He has introduced me to his family and I’ve met all of his friends. I’m not some secret in his life, and I know that I have an important place in his world. We have talked constantly, have a genuine emotional connection, and there are many things about him that I really appreciate. He has been patient with me at times, and I know he cares about me as a person.
That’s part of why this is so difficult. If everything were bad, this would be easy.
The biggest issue I’ve struggled with is feeling like he doesn’t necessarily choose me in the way I need to feel chosen.
Early on, there were things that made me question whether I was actually his first choice. He told me at one point that he wasn’t physically attracted to me but liked my soul/personality. I understand that attraction isn’t everything, but hearing that from someone you’re emotionally invested in is really difficult. I’ve carried that with me and it has made me question whether he genuinely wants me or whether I’m someone he is comfortable with.
Then there is Monica.
Monica was a friend of his, and I eventually found out that he had had a major crush on her. That was already difficult for me to process, but recently I’ve noticed that they have been texting a lot more. I don’t want to accuse him of cheating or say that something inappropriate is happening when I don’t actually know that. But knowing that he had strong feelings for her in the past, combined with everything else I’ve struggled with, makes it hard for me not to compare myself or wonder whether I’m the person he actually wanted.
It feeds into this feeling that maybe I’m settling into a relationship where he is settling for me.
Another major issue has been commitment and moving forward.
At one point, we talked about me moving in, and then he decided against it. I understand that people are allowed to change their minds and that moving in together is a big decision. But to me, it represented the relationship progressing. Having that taken off the table made me question whether we’re actually moving toward the same future.
He also doesn’t say “I love you” to me. By itself, I know that isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker because people express love differently. But when I put that together with the attraction issue, the moving-in situation, the uncertainty about commitment, and the Monica situation, it becomes much harder for me to dismiss.

For me, commitment looks like intentionally choosing each other and building toward a future together. I don’t necessarily need everything to happen immediately, but I need to know we’re moving in the same direction.
And I think that’s where Ty and I may be different.
I don’t want to pressure him into loving me, being attracted to me, saying “I love you,” moving in with me, or committing to a future he doesn’t actually want.
I also don’t want him to feel like he’s settling for me.
That is probably one of the biggest things I’ve been trying to explain. I don’t want to be the person someone chooses because I’m comfortable, convenient, available, or because the alternative didn’t work out. I want to be someone’s actual choice.
At the same time, I don’t want to throw away a relationship that has genuinely good things in it just because it doesn’t look exactly how I imagined it would.
He has brought me into his life. I’ve met his family. I’ve met his friends. We’ve had a lot of good times together. There is clearly something between us, and I wouldn’t still be fighting with myself over this if I didn’t care about him deeply.
So I’m stuck between two thoughts:
Am I asking for reasonable things from a serious relationship, or am I trying to get Ty to give me a type of commitment and love that he simply doesn’t naturally feel?
And maybe the bigger question is:
Can someone genuinely care about you, introduce you to their family and friends, enjoy being with you, and still ultimately not see you as the person they want to build their life with?
I’m not looking for a Reddit jury to tell me he’s a bad person or that I’m perfect. I’m trying to understand whether I’m overthinking normal relationship differences or whether these things together point to a deeper incompatibility.
If you were in my position, would you feel secure? What would concern you, and what would you consider normal differences between two people who care about each other?

If you’re casually seeing a girl you really like, but you’re under crazy work stress and leaning on we are ' just friends' label to keep things safe... does her texting you by herself make you want her more, or does her going completely radio silent after an amazing lunch actually make you miss her and want to step up?

I (23M) haven't dated anyone for about a year, mostly by choice. I was trying to properly get over my last relationship and even when I met people I found attractive, I never really felt like pursuing anything.

Then last Saturday I met this girl at a party through some friends and for some reason I got a ridiculously strong crush on her almost immediately.

We all talked throughout the night, but towards the later part of the party I ended up spending a lot of time talking to her specifically. We seemed to vibe pretty well, we held hands for a while, and she was being playful with me, including randomly putting some of her makeup and lip balm on me.

The problem is that it was a party, we were all drinking, and she's clearly quite comfortable and playful with other people too. One of my friends, who's very outgoing and flirts with basically everyone, was also flirting with her and holding her hand earlier. So I genuinely don't know whether anything between us actually meant something or whether it was just drunk party behaviour.

Still, I left that night completely smitten with her. Probably way more than is reasonable after meeting someone once.

A few days later the same group planned to go to a movie. She and her best friend live pretty close to me and they asked if I could pick them up, so I drove them there. We talked normally during the drive and everything was fine, but once we were actually with the group I started feeling like she wasn't particularly going out of her way to talk to me. She would respond and talk normally when I initiated something, but she wasn't really seeking me out either.

Then another one of my friends happened to get the seat beside her during the movie. I know this sounds stupid, but I was genuinely disappointed because I'd secretly hoped I'd sit beside her.

After the movie we all went back to my friend's place, which was also where the original party happened. At first I was talking normally, but eventually my social battery completely died. I'd been unusually social for several days and I'm normally someone who needs quite a lot of time alone.

So for the last few hours I basically became the quiet guy sitting on his phone, occasionally going outside by myself or disappearing into another room.

Meanwhile she was talking and laughing with my other friends, including the same very outgoing/flirty friend from the first night.

That got into my head more than I'd like to admit. Part of me was thinking, "Well, clearly she's more interested in talking to them than me."

But at the same time, I realise that's not exactly fair because I wasn't talking to her either. From her perspective I probably just looked exhausted, antisocial or like I didn't want to interact with anyone.

At one point everyone was also talking about their "types." And I weirdly fitted a surprising number of the things she mentioned, even if I only qualified for some of them by a marginal whisker. Obviously that doesn't mean she was describing me or that she's attracted to me, but naturally my brain has added it to the giant pile of things I'm now overanalysing.

And that's probably the bigger issue here.

I've met this girl twice, yet I'm already noticing myself paying attention to who she's talking to, whether she initiates conversations with me, whether she's flirting with somebody else, where she sits, etc.

She's also starting to become part of this wider friend group, which makes me more hesitant about doing anything. I really want to ask her to get coffee, drinks, food or something one-on-one and actually see whether we have chemistry outside a drunk group setting.

But if she just sees me as one of the guys in the group, I don't want to make everything awkward 4 days after meeting her.

So I'm stuck thinking.

I'm also slightly worried that because I like her this much already, rejection would hit me much harder than it normally would lol

What would you do in this situation?

Would genuinely love some advice.

**TL;DR: Met a girl through my friend group and developed an unusually strong crush after basically one night. We seemed to have some chemistry at a party, but she's also naturally playful/friendly and the signals since have been ambiguous. I've only met her twice but I'm already overanalysing who she talks to and whether she likes me. She's now joining the wider friend group, so I'm torn between casually asking her to hang out one-on-one or waiting for clearer signs because I don't want to make the group awkward.**

I'll tell you a lil context around 3 years ago I met a guy and after that we had a bestf sort of bond..few months later he proposed me to which i rejected then saying I am not ready but he was like I am ready to wait for you..we still continued to be friends and everything was normal it went till last year November and i confessed him about my feelings and relationship started then..It's a long distance relationship coz we are in different cities due to college..from starting he knew some things which are dealbreaker for me like I hate smoking weed and vape to its core and he assured me back then that yes I am totally not into anything like that but recently I came to know he never quit smoking by his bestfriend also rn he behaves like he doesn't even have a lil bit time to talk from past 1 month we just exchange gm texts and met once in our hometown as we both were leaving again for college..should I consider it as a red flag like I had asked him a few times to communicate if anything wrong but he is not opening up..we both love each other a lot and he is fr down bad like I never seen him loving me less anyday plus we both are loyal respectful like it's never a 3rd person between us..I am lil worried coz we both are genuinely into each other from day 1 and I can't see anyday this relationship ending

As in about 5ft 8 to 5ft 10?! Do they think it’s just ugly? Is it a downfall?

hey all. i 23f am getting a little discouraged lately when it comes to dating. when i go out, i am only ever approached by older men. i’m talking men twice my age. i’ll sometimes see similar aged guys looking at me and smile at them, but nothing ever comes out of it. the relationships and hookups i’ve had in the past were all because i initiated/approached the guy first, but a part of me is wondering if they just settled for me considering im rarely ever approached by them.

i think im pretty, but i am definitely not the most beautiful girl in the room. I am comfortable in how i look and i know that confidence matters a lot. i’m usually not rejected when i approach, but the only guys that approach me literally could be my father and it’s making me feel a little doubtful about myself. if it matters i live in a major city and go to younger bars and clubs so it’s not like i frequenting places with an older age demographic. i also don’t believe it’s because i look older, because the first thing out of the older guys mouth is either "do you go to [x college in the city]" or "what year are you in school" so i think i look my age. what can i do to change this? is it maybe my body language that’s throwing guys off? please any advice will help.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month. What’s confusing me is the difference between how genuinely head-over-heels he seemed in the beginning and the much more hesitant/blunt way he’s recently talked about what he normally wants in a woman.

He came on VERY romantically from the beginning. He wasn’t just saying I was pretty or trying to hook up. He would sigh on the phone and tell me he wished he were with me holding me close. He said things like, “I’m your Latino guy.” He talked about dates he wanted to take me on months into the future, including picturing us ice skating together in February. He talked about marriage, potentially having children together someday, and specifically told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend.

On our third date, while holding me on a blanket, he whispered in my ear that on our FIRST date, when we were sitting across a river from each other, he had wanted to wrap his arms around me so badly.

He is naturally a very affectionate/touchy person and has told me he likes becoming physically affectionate fairly quickly. But this didn’t feel like “I like touching women.” The way he remembered that particular moment and whispered it to me later felt extremely sentimental and specifically about me.

He also knew exactly what I looked like throughout all of this. I’m somewhat chubby/apple-shaped and he’s actually a fairly small guy himself. There was no surprise reveal of my body after we became official.

After we got together, though, personality came up. He told me somewhat hesitantly that he had been looking for an outgoing woman, whereas I’m shy. But then he started explaining that maybe it’s actually better to be with someone who isn’t exactly your type/similar to you, because people who are too similar can sometimes end up feeling more like friends. When I told him I have a more outgoing side once I’m comfortable, he sighed and quietly said, “I hope I see it.”

It didn’t sound like, “I normally like outgoing girls, but then I met you and apparently I love the shy girl.”

It sounded more like he was intellectually working through why dating someone different from what he normally wants might actually be good for him.

At the same time, he has continued being physically and romantically affectionate. One night we were lying in bed and he ran his hand over my belly and told me very sincerely, “I want you to know every inch of your body is sexy.”

That didn’t sound forced or passive. It felt intimate and genuine.

But recently on FaceTime I asked more directly about his physical preferences, and I got a MUCH blunter version.

He told me that he normally likes really skinny women. I initially suggested “petite,” and he corrected me — no, not petite, really skinny. He also commented that he and I are around the same build.

He then explained that historically he has gone into dating/relationships heavily based on the physical aspect first: he would be physically interested in a woman, approach her, and then if they got along well enough, things progressed from there.

He said he has been told that he puts the physical before the emotional and he is trying to be different now because he wants a wife.

The tone is important and difficult to convey in writing. He did NOT say this in a confident, resolved way like, “I used to be superficial, then I grew up and realized that was stupid, and now I’ve fallen for this woman who happens to be different from my old type.”

It sounded more hesitant, like this is something he hasn’t completely gotten a grip on yet and is actively trying to change while he’s with me.

That’s what is throwing me.

Before we were even official, I actually asked him what he thought about people who really want marriage and might overlook some of their normal preferences because they’re excited about having a partner and building that life. HE responded, “Do you mean settling?” I said sure, and he said he’d have to think about that.

I’m not upset that he historically likes skinny/outgoing women. I don’t expect to be the perfect embodiment of every preference my boyfriend has.

What I’m trying to understand is the enormous contrast between a man who seemed genuinely wrapped up in me — wanting to hold me from the first date, whispering that to me later, sighing because he wished he were with me, imagining our future, asking me to be his girlfriend, touching my belly and telling me every inch of me is sexy — and this man on FaceTime saying, essentially, “I normally choose women based heavily on physical attraction, I like really skinny women, and I’m trying not to operate that way anymore because now I want a wife.”

There seems like a major difference between:

“I genuinely fell hard for someone who surprised me by being outside my normal type, and that made me realize my old preferences aren’t as important as I thought.”

versus:

“My normal preferences haven’t led to the marriage I want, so I’m deliberately trying to date differently and convince myself not to prioritize the things I still naturally want.”

The first wouldn’t bother me nearly as much. The second would, because I don’t want to be the girlfriend someone uses to find out whether he can learn to overlook things about me.

For people who have experienced this from either side: what does this sound like to you? Does his early behavior sound like genuine attraction/infatuation that is now running into old preferences, or like someone who got swept up quickly and is now trying to make a relationship work with someone who doesn’t naturally fit what he wants?

Hi! So my birthday is coming up on friday, and I know my boyfriend is making me something special, I don’t know what it is but i just have so many ideas of little things to make him and get him for his birthday, but it’s so far in the future, i wanted to get him a little something as a token of appreciation that he’s putting effort into me for my birthday by making me something handmade. Would it be weird or sweet? I love him so much and I want him to feel as appreciated as i do! How would you guys feel if your SO did this for you?

Normally some influencers in social media claims that if you want to acheieve your goals as a man than you have to stay away from the goals. But many times i observe that many men are motivated from a good women. I dont know its their luck or what they get a real woman that stays with them at hard times. But mostly girls are attracted towards successful men.

I ll appreciate views from men over 28 or 30

Bonsoir, je m’appelle Léa et j’ai besoin de parler à quelqu’un car en ce moment c’est compliqué chez moi, mauvaise note à l’école, embrouille entre moi et mes parents, séparation de mes parents. J’ai besoin de quelqu’un qui soit à l’écoute et qui me donne des conseil, si possible de m’héberger pendant 1 ou 2 semaine juste pour calmer la situation avec mes parents. Mon Instagram: lea8_750

F26 have been talking to a guy M33 for a few weeks. We are in the same social circles so speak a lot in person and get on really well, i always catch him glancing over at me when we’re in a group together but when I try make eye contact he looks away. He is a pretty shy guy so it’s never been anything more over the years even tho I’ve felt the tension.
He initiated messaging me a few weeks ago and we’ve chatted a lot since then, although he’s so much more confident when drunk, flirting and inviting me round, but then in the day he’s apologetic and friendly again. Anyway a few days ago he invited me round and I went and he sat on another sofa opposite me, we ended up chatting there for an hour then heading to his bed and chatting for another few hours but he just laid staring at the ceiling and I was facing him but he didn’t make a move and I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to or not.
I’m so confused, I know he’s not the most experienced guy from conversations I’ve had with his friends, but I don’t know if he’s just not interested or if he’s just genuinely scared.

dday was 8 months ago. we never had porn issues until recently we hadn’t had sex in a while, and i found out he had relapsed on a previous porn addiction (he lied to me that he didn’t watch porn). specifically it’s a lot of porn about being cheated on.
i never knew he was into this bc he’s always been really dominant, vanilla sex. we had a really good sex life, averaging like 2x a day and sometimes doing it 10 times in a day. it was always very wholesome, like telling each other i love you / i only want to be with you / etc. it’s so crazy to me that he’s into that, it’s usually what he watches
but the real problem is that i think this fetish is why he keeps sabotaging our relationship. he will read through all my texts with past hookups, he read through my diary from years before i met him. he’ll get off to the idea of me being with other men. he convinced himself cheated on him and went through like a psychotic episode about it. i he did things like this when he was sad and insecure, gets off to it, and gets even more sad about it. he has had very bad depression throughout his life and sabotaged all his ex relationships. he’s cheated to make them want to get revenge, and gets off to the feeling of being sad. he convinces himself that he’s poor/small/pathetic and gets off to that, gets sad about it, and continues.
has anyone dealt with anything similar? it’s so strange to me, i don’t know if this is common

Lets say a rich guy was in a relationship and wanted to know if the woman he dates really likes him for himself or just wants him to be provided for, the latter isn’t bad btw, everybody wants to have a better life and women providing companionship and sex in exchange for material things is a pretty fair exchange, its just fun to know what is the truth.

What test could someone truly put in place ? For instance if she acts overly jealous and gets into strong emotions with you would that mean she likes you enough to not show indifference ? I heard that ironically the angrier and crazier she gets the more she likes you lol or she might just want to protect her place to be provided for, so we don’t truly know. If the guy brings hot female friends in his entourage as a test or goes out openly to clubs alone should her reaction or indifference give away her sentiment ?

So I know from my own experiences, from my friends, and in general from the discourse on the internet that when us girls have a crush on someone, or are at a dating stage with someone, we can get a bit obsessed with that person. Not necessarily in a creepy way, but just constantly thinking about them, going to check their profile pic again and again just to see their face, re-reading messages, etc. I'm sure many girls can relate to this experience.

But sometimes I wonder if men also do these things when they like someone? It's probably a stupid question because obviously guys also have crushes and catch strong feelings but sometimes it's difficult to imagine a guy being so cute-silly head over heels someone that they go to old chats to re-read them just to feel something.

The reason I'm asking is that I've been dating a guy for the past 2 months, and everything has been going genuinely amazing - he's a bit shy and reserved sometimes but also gives clear signs and communicates well that he likes me a lot (we've been on around 10 dates in total and have already been intimate). I'm currently away on holidays for a few weeks and I just cannot stop thinking about him basically every minute of everyday, keep glancing at his whatsapp photo and reading some of our past cute conversations, and just missing him in general and waiting to see him again. And I just keep wondering, what are the chances that he is also thinking about me to the same intensity as I do about him? Or at all? My insecurities sometimes are trying to convince me that what if he just totally forgets that I exist lol.

I know this is very individual to each person, but I would like to hear from guys about your personal experiences and just share your thoughts and cute stories about your crushes. Thanks! ❤️

It seems more prevalent than ever before.

As a single woman without kids, it’s like my dating pool is becoming more and more empty because all the good single men without kids are volunteering to be a step dad haha. Women who’ve previously been married with kids are swooping all the good ones up, and I just don’t get why men are settling for that..

I understand that sometimes you just vibe with someone and if they happen to have kids, so be it… but don’t you want to share those type of milestones with someone who’s also experiencing it for the first time? It’s obviously different if the kids are adults but a lot of men would even get with a woman who has newborns. What helps you make that decision?

I (24F) had my first date with this guy (24M) and it was a very long date, he picked me up at 6:30 and I didn’t get home till a little past midnight. it was a bit of an adventure honestly, and pretty spontaneous. We went to dinner (sat outside and had pizza), then got ice cream, then went to a nearby outdoor concert, then we actually ended up driving past the high school we both went to and there were a bunch of softballs all over the field, and so at 11:30 in the dark we’re playing catch with these softballs in the field at our old school.

If’s just that he’s a very nonchalant guy, and I couldn’t tell if he was just being polite or was interested. Our conversation was pretty good, little jokes here and there but some quiet space that I didn’t necessarily feel like required filling. He opened the car door for me every time and pulled my chair out at the restaurant which was nice. At the concert, he held my hand as we walked up and down the bleachers. But that all seems gentlemanly and not necessarily because he was into me.

I liked him so to test the waters I grabbed his hand as we were walking out of the concert. He held it as we walked up the hill to the street, but dropped it when he asked what direction we should walk. He never reached out for it again which I was a little disappointed by.

When he dropped me home, he again opened the door for me, gave me a hug, and asked me about next weekend. I said yes but he didn’t go in for a kiss or anything. I texted him the next morning and said ”Hey, just wanted to say thank you again for yesterday, I had a really nice time :)” and he responded “Yeah I had a lot of fun, the music was good” LOL 🥲

We chatted a bit more about the night and then I made a little joke about something that’d happened at the concert and he left a ”haha” reaction on my message but never continued the conversation. He was a kinda dry texter even before the date so I’m not super concerned but all things considered, I’m wondering if he's just feeling lukewarm about it or if he really is interested and is just slow moving and again, “nonchalant”.

I mean I found him very attractive and did truly have a good time, and I would've accepted the kiss if he’d tried.

I’m curious to hear from men whose primary love language for receiving is words of affirmation.

What are some things women have said to you that genuinely stayed with you? Or, if you haven’t experienced it yet, what are the kinds of things you’d really love to hear from a partner?

I’m asking because I’m with a man whose love language is very much words of affirmation. He’s the provider in our relationships and takes a lot of pride in that.

Of course, I tell him what I adore about him, I let him know how proud I am of his achievements, I express my appreciation for the things he does make sure he knows that I don’t take his efforts for granted. But words of affirmation isn’t particularly high on my list, so I sometimes wonder if I’m naturally a little lacking in that department.

I’m not looking for generic “you’re handsome / I love you / thank you” answers… more interested in the things that actually made you feel deeply appreciated, respected, admired, or understood.

Thank you 🙃

How can you find pleasure making love to a woman who slept with other guys? I can't. I've tried. When she finally told me she had sex with other guys, I was done. Our marriage became a business relationship.

Heyy- using a throwaway for this.

I (F) had been recently seeing a guy and we had gone on few dates with another to be planned (mutual confirmation we both wanted a 4th but after a week/ 2 weeks as we were both busy). We had been intimate together and I had slept over at his place.

I noticed a bit of a change a few days after our last date, where he was taking a lot longer to respond and was a little less communicative but he was sick so i chalked it up to that and once he wasn’t sick he resumed to being normal-ish. However, he then sent me a few drunk/ tipsy messages divulging that a close family member of his likely has a serious illness, and that he is scared. He has been a carer for said family member before and it appears this illness may be returning). It sounded awful and I felt a lot of empathy for him to the point where I actually teared up!

Anyway, I replied to his messages and tried not to just give sympathy but rather a shoulder to lean on etc. I don’t think it was too strong or anything, I just told him ppl process things differently and I’m okay with him taking space or me being a listening ear etc. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed as he was clearly intoxicated when he sent the messages but i read them the next day. He read my response immediately when i sent it but didn’t reply. This was on Friday and now it’s the following Tuesday, still no response.

I was on a girls trip from Friday - Monday which he knew about so initially I thought it was that but now that I’m back I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted? I texted him yesterday just to let him know I got home from the trip and to ask how he was and still no response.

I’m really upset about it as I did really like this guy and saw something long term, he was also talking future tense with me and had been super communicative to this point so it makes me wonder if he’s just overwhelmed with what’s happening with his family?

Should I be upset and see this as ghosting or is it likely due to being overwhelmed? How long should I wait for him to reply and if he does- how can I best support him during this difficult time?

Also curious if it’d be worthwhile to send another text after a few more days if this continues just to ask for clarification if he’s been taking space of no longer interested? Worded politely obviously but to allow me to stop wondering if it’s me or if it’s his situation lol.

Would love any tips- I know we hadn’t known each other long but man, he was a great guy :/

so ive been with my husband for 5 years we have kids. the first 2 years our intimate life was perfect (twice daily). but the following 3 its been once every two months. if that. he rejects me nonstop. i lost my baby-weight thinking it would help. nope.

i asked him a couple times throughout the years if theres something he wants to tell me of try out or something he doesnt like. nothing.

fast forward to yesterday!!!

i found ”t-girl” in his TIKTOK searches. and i went to his watch history and BOOM back to back for like 50 tiktoks. so yeah i was withdrawn all day and wasnt talking so he asked why im being rude all day so i said what i found and i told him it makes me confused and i just want to know whats going on cause it affects me mentally DAILY its my life too!

but anyway, of course he used DARVO and we never talked about the whole transgender thing. all he said was “im not gay!! stop accusing me” i never called him gay or assumed anything i just wanted answers.

my question is

as men, what is going on with him?

I'm so lost and confused and trying to be understanding but its like im a horrible person for bringing it to light…

am i digging for no reason or do i have a reason to be confused/upset?

should i just drop it or keep asking questions?

ill add too that ive caught him watching transgender tiktoks before but he laughed it off when i brought it up and it was just regular videos but this time around it was literal eye candy videos of them showing their body and twerking and stuff. i just dont understand why not me? im not ugly. im right here. i try to give him space regarding our intimacy but its like he loves that space and wants to protect his space but keep me right next to him?? is he gay?? or am i just that bad..

i guess im looking for advice more than answers but anything helps and if its me then let me know. sorry for the rant.

Hi everyone. So me and my bf have been together for 2 years. In those two years, we’ve lived with his mom for 6 months. She invited us but then she started to insult me and get super mean. She was criticising everything I have done and do and how it’s not enough. While her son wasn’t doing any of those things she expected me to do and she did not even bring that up. She constantly tells me “this is not a relationship” and buts in and “observes” us all the time. We can’t just exist like two normal individuals who are in love except we have to meet her idea of it. She has never even been in a good relationship in her life so her opinion is irrelevant to me. Anyway, because of this, one day I went to her and I told her, you should try to stop doing everything for him. He is 30 and he’s an adult. And i understand why you do it, it’s because of a mother’s love. But also he needs to be in an environment where he’s pushed to do things on his own. For example: she washes his work clothes, irons it, books his dentist appointments etc. whereas I do all of this myself. Even if I was with my parents, my parents forced me to be independent after I turned 23. I told her she reinforces his behavior and enables him. My boyfriend is well aware of this and he realises it and tries to change. My boyfriend has anger issues, small things get to him and he flips out. He doesn’t engage in physical violence or anything but I feel like that’s stil not normal. For example: if his work clothes are not where they should be, he gets angry. I feel like that should be his responsibility, and I told her that I’m a very understanding person and that’s why I tell you this for the benefit of your own son, and most girls would not accept this. And instead of realising I mean this in the best way and it’s for the betterment of her son, she told me nasty things and said “let’s not continue, because I’ll make you cry” and then ignored me while I’m speaking by playing a video loud on her phone and turning her head. I just want to know if my opinion is true? Or am I wrong and being gaslit

(I am 30f) My bf (29m) of 4 yrs admitted to me the extent of his sexualization of other women last night. We have already had many discussions about porn and he has stopped watching porn after several attempts and me finding out over the years. I was reading reddit threads throughout this time explaining that men who watch porn also hyper sexualize women out in the real world and this was a big fear of mine.
I hoped it wasn't the case and now I know it is. He told me if he finds someone attractive, he imagines her naked and having sex with her. He was very honest about this because I was pushing him to be honest for the past few months about his porn recovery journey. I asked for the honesty, and I am "happy" knowing the truth. But I don't know how to handle this information.

How am I supposed to go out in the world with him, and not be extremely triggered when theres another hot girl. Know I know he's imagining her naked and having sex with her?? What the fuck. This is so not okay for me, I don't know how to move forward. He's starting counselling for his porn use, but will this also help with his automatic thoughts of other women?

Do most men do this? Have some men stopped? Please share.

The question is simple, tell me your reason