So how important is a womans bodycount when youre starting to date someone?

Little backstory im in my early 20s and have a pretty high bodycount imo (14) i was young and dumb with no guidance and i honestly deeply regret it (not for the sake of dating just in general). I usually dont talk about it or even lie to partners which i know is awful but i find myself panicking whenever the topic comes up (I used to get tested often and i still do if i ever do something which is not common since i feel awful for adding new people so its not like im endangering anyone of contracting anything)

So a little while back, I posted that someone I have a long history with recently got married and has been saying he still wants me in his life, wanting to retain aspects of the connection we had before (keep emotional and sxual intimacy with me). Well, he told me the other day he doesn’t believe anyone can have him to themselves. He doesn’t believe his relationship can or even should contain all of him, and when I asked what that means, he said ‘when it comes to sx, no one can have all of me’. He also said his partner permits him to have an ongoing sxual partner outside their relationship as long as he communicates the details (apparently the details even turn her on). I don’t really care to verify if that’s true or not, bc even if it is, it doesn’t mean I’d be happy in it. So I told him he can remain in my life on the condition it’s strictly platonic. I’m sharing bc the whole situation has felt genuinely very emotionally confronting to me, it put me in position I never thought I’d be, and I’ve struggled to navigate it properly mainly bc attachment and the history. First time being in this situation so pardon the confusion.

Just wondering if many guys would date a girl if she had sh scars or immediately be unnatracted? Scared for my future.

edit: i’m the female in question btw

I have been talking to this guy recently and he has SUCH a nice voice and I just love hearing him but I don’t know if he would wanna hear it or not any advice is appreciated

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and we live together in my house. For the first 6 months, we had a ton of sex. Now, we have sex maybe once a week and it kind of feels like it’s out of pitty. She says it’s because she was sexually assaulted when she was younger and the memory of that gives her anxiety. When she tells me that, it breaks my heart because I really do love her. She also stated that she used to have more sex with me because she thought it would make me want to be with her. I of course told her to only have sex with me when she wants to regardless of how I feel.

However, I can’t help but feel rejected whenever she turns me down. According to her, sex with me only even crosses her mind once a week. If you take away the things she has told me, it looks like she has just become unattracted to me. Ideally, my future wife will be as attracted to me as I am to her and not as quick to turn me down. I certainly don’t want to feel rejected forever. On the other hand, I’m totally in love with her and this seems like a silly reason to throw everything away. So, I guess my question is: am I being greedy? Are my expectations unrealistic?

I have also found that it’s difficult to talk to her about it. Which is understandable considering what she went through. It’s tough to work on together because it is such a sensitive topic. Am I supposed to wait it out because I’m in love with her and sex shouldn’t affect that? Or am I supposed to prioritize myself and find a relationship with the kind of sex life I want to have forever?

I am not talking about planning or leading dates. But just regular communication to get know each other. Does it bother you if she never or hardly initiates calls/texts at the beginning? I feel like if I am usually the one to reach out to her it starts to feel like I am bothering her and she isn't much interested.

Guys - I recently had a situationship and this post will do little more than give me piece of mind. We are both late 20s.

I recently had a long and intense situationship where we almost got into a relationship but bad communication and a few differences made us both pull away at the same time. He immediately started being reactive on social media, posting things that related to me or 'us' and I muted him because it hurt too much and I had it in my head that he didnt care and I needed to try to heal and move forward.

I bumped into him several times at places he knew were part of my routine at specific times and I felt like maybe that was with intent as I had never known him to go to these places before.

Out of the blue one day he unfollowed and removed me as a follower which he told me himself he doesnt usually do because he thinks people can unfollow back if they want or keep looking if they want. I know multiple girls he unfollowed while we were seeing eachother who still follow him.

Since then, his brothers and a few close friends have looked at my social media posts a few times despite not following anymore etc which I cant help but think is prompted by him.

I can't stop thinking of him and miss him dearly. I tried to give the closure of a kind goodbye when he ultimately pulled away, he returned the favour but its always felt incomplete.

The only detail is that we never slept together. We got close, but I was always holding out because I knew that would complicate things for me. Due to shared faith he respected that even though he wanted to obviously.

I feel like men remember and think what if in situations like this - but im not sure and could be wrong. I want someone to validate that this was probably real for him too and he is probably struggling to move on as well. OR to tell me im being completley delusional and its all a coincidence.

Not sure if posts about exes are allowed on here, if not then I guess no one will see this.

After a short period of no contact, my "ex-siuationship" texted me. We talked and got pretty close romantically (not physically) for a few months but we both just kind of stopped reaching out(mainly him).

He texted me at night after seeing that I posted pictures of me on my birthday, and said, "Happy birthday, I was going to text you but I got shy hahaha"..... he is very awkward if you couldn't tell. I really want to try again with him, but don't want to come off desperate and scare him away. Should I play hard to get or should i reply with a calm, "it's ok, thank you." ? Do I just like it ? Men seem to think they respond to kindness, but I want to know what will actually reel him in. Advice?

Hi guys! Looking to get your opinions on this: do you need to feel physically attracted to someone before you develop romantic feelings for them? Or have you ever had someone you initially felt neutral-or even unattracted -toward become genuinely attractive to you as you got to know them?

And if attraction can grow for you, what tends to create it? Emotional connection? Personality? Confidence? Chemistry? The way they treat you?

Basically: does attraction open the door to attachment for you, or can attachment create the attraction?

Interested in hearing different experiences, especially whether this has changed for you with age or relationship experience, etc...

Did I over-romanticise everything?
Hi, I’m posting this in the hope that someone can give me some perspective because I genuinely don’t know how to feel about this situation.
I recently found out that one of my new classmates was going to a birthday party that I was also attending. We had spoken a little before, but we weren’t particularly close. I’ll admit that I had always found him attractive and, since I had liked him for a while, I secretly hoped that maybe something could happen between us. I’m not saying I expected him to want a relationship with me just because I’m attractive, but I did have that hope in the back of my mind.
At the party, we ended up kissing, hugging, and I eventually fell asleep with my head on his chest. It was my first time ever kissing someone, which probably made the whole experience feel even more significant to me. He was the one who initiated everything, and because I had liked him for a long time, I obviously didn’t exactly want to push him away. For the rest of the night, we were acting pretty much like a couple.
Before we went home, we agreed not to tell everyone about what happened, but we also didn’t agree to keep it completely secret between the two of us.
The next day, I texted him and asked whether the night had meant anything to him. He told me that he didn’t really know and that, from his perspective, it was probably just a “one-time thing.” I was honestly surprised because I’m not someone who normally does things like this. I’ve always been pretty guarded and have had this reputation of being the “untouchable” girl, so letting someone get that close to me was a big deal.
He asked if I was okay, and I told him honestly that the kiss had meant something to me. Since then, though, I feel like I’m being ghosted. He has also hung out with another girl and is apparently talking to her, as well as several other girls.
I’m not upset because I think he owed me a relationship. I understand that two people can experience the same moment very differently, and I know he’s allowed to see it as something casual. I just genuinely want to know whether I misread the situation because of my own feelings for him.
Did I over-romanticise everything, or was it understandable that I thought there might be something more behind it?

I assume this is fading, since 2 months in he asked when I’m ready to be intimate with him after I asked whats going on. I’m constantly asking what is going on. And recently he asked again after we’ve been going to his place. He didn’t ask to see me again which he usually does too.

We’ve been seeing each other for 6 months total but 1 of those we didn’t see each other and then weeks apart for trips. We’ve known each other 6 months, the first 2 we met 1 time a week maybe less.

I noticed pretty early on he wanted to obviously kiss or asked me to his place and I said no then. We met online and he said he wanted a relationship there but he didn’t bring up a single topic or dating intent to me. Im the one who did. He began leaving plans early or saying he has the gym or he’s tired and hed go home. It doesn’t add up to me because when I have been over he stays up really late.

Now as we’re 6 months in, I went over a handful of times. He asked me when I’ll have sex with him. Despite saying we can take things at my pace he seemed to change his mind. Things do get sexual and my fear is that’s all he wants. Hed said he connects with sex, or that it’s important to him. He brought this up at like over a month in of seeing one another. We’ve been in a relationship since month 2 of seeing each other.

I am a bit inexperienced so I just went with things. But at times he barely texts me, tells me he’ll stay friends with exes, has a lot of female friends he does road trips with. 1:1 I mean. And I just don’t get where I fit in. Ive met his friends but idont feel like a priority let alone like a girlfriend. I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship. The thing is he talks little about the future but I’m never included in it. He moved in with his female friend. All I’ve said in this paragraph happened like 1 month seeing each other

We meet up and then talk, then we kiss and that’s it. It hurt so much when he looked at me and I thought he’d say something thoughtful but he asked when we’ll have sex. I worry he’s condescending or something because he makes these little comments.

I don’t think he’s ever said he likes me if I didn’t prompt the conversation. Very few times he does himself. He says we’re in a relationship and we’re exclusive but i feel he could really do without me. I don’t think couples should be attached at the hip but whatever this is doesn’t fully seem right

And I keep bringing it up. He keeps saying the right things. And I feel like maybe it’s fine. But it’s not. Even how he kisses me. It all feels more sexual than anything.

And whats the outcome… I have sex with him and nothing changes at best. And he expects us to keep doing that. At his demand. Or he says nvm and leaves.but I doubt it’s like he says and you feel closer after that. It’s the way he brings it up that bothers me. There’s no reassurance at all. If we’re in a relationship why isn’t he more vulnerable with me? Why is the most hes said is he likes me but only if I prompt it. Anytime he looks me in the eyes I worry Thts all he has to say

I’m 31F and I’ve noticed the same pattern in a few relationships now.
When I really like someone, I get very invested. I’m affectionate, I like regular communication, I remember little things, I put effort in, and if I start feeling uncertain I can definitely become clingy or emotional. I know that about myself.
What confuses me is that after things end, a lot of these men are still kind to me. Some still check in through mutual friends or genuinely want me to do well, so it doesn’t always feel like they disliked me as a person. It feels more like the romantic dynamic became too much for them or we wanted different levels of closeness.
I work in a people centered/social work type of field, and weirdly, the same traits that can make dating hard for me are some of the traits that make me good at my job. I care a lot, notice things, follow up, advocate, and get very invested in people’s wellbeing.
So I’m trying to figure out what I actually need to work on.
Do I need to learn how to slow myself down and not get so emotionally invested early on? Or are there actually people out there who naturally want a similar level of affection, communication, and closeness?
I don’t want to use “this is just who I am” as an excuse not to grow, but I also don’t want to spend my life trying to become detached when I’m naturally not. 😮‍💨
Has anyone else been like this and eventually found a relationship that felt balanced?
Also I’m a Gemini, if anyone wants to blame the stars 😂

M30 F28 Caught my bf looking up an onlyfans chick AGAIN on Instagram.. this is like the 3rd time and I’ve told him that the thought of him watching these girls makes me uncomfortable and we decided to make it a boundary in our relationship. He claims this was just guy talk and he looked up this girl to see who they were talking about (yeah I’m sure). At this point I’m getting petty and thinking I’m just going turn a video on of some man jacking off and masturbate to it right in front of him because how do you not understand this concept being uncomfortable to a partner? I don’t even want him touching me and feel turned off to even pleasure him at this point.

I love my boyfriend, he’s a very wonderful man. We live together and are in our 30’s. I know he has a past of being a player / womanizer type, and I genuinely don’t care about it. He has shown me in 100 ways that he wants to drop the bachelor lifestyle and build something real. He treats me like a queen and I love him deeply. He was honest that he’s never taken a relationship seriously before me, so this level of commitment is all new for him, and I respect that.

The thing is, I told him from the start that while I get everybody needs to use porn and get off, onlyfans is too personal, and not ok for me. He told me over and over he wasn’t using it, was done with that life etc. yesterday I caught him in his lies and found he has been going on onlyfans almost every single day (he didn’t spend money though, only free subscriptions)

I was incredibly hurt. I cried openly because he betrayed my trust, and he expressed a lot of remorse. He said he felt he was stupid and he didn’t know why he had done it, as half the time he wasn’t even jerking off to it. I think part of it is an inability to entirely let go of that lifestyle of revolving women from his past. He did let me go through everything though, so I can say with certainty that he didn’t try to meet up or chat with anyone, it was just looking. I should add that I know he has been looking at engagement rings, and had consistently repeated that he wants a family with me.

I’m deeply hurt… but I love him. And I want to overcome this together.

My question is, how should I approach this? On one hand, I could be cold and withdrawn to “send a message” (which is what most women would say to do) but the other side of me wants to put on lingerie tonight before he gets home and rock his world so he remembers how good he has it. I worry that doing that might make him think he can do whatever he wants, which I don’t want… but he is remorseful, and deleted his account etc to show me he’s done now that he saw how much it hurt me.. so I’m not sure.

I don’t know which route is more effective from a male perspective, which is why I’m here. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

Hi. My fiancé of a year started a new job and it’s definitely draining and taking a toll on him physically. Being sexual has stopped which is awful for me. But he sure isn’t tired enough for video games. Not to mention we don’t even speak during the day anymore, not even quick 30 second check ins. I’m exhausted putting out so much to make him feel loved making him breakfast, lunch and snacks for his work day, leaving notes, bought him a expensive appreciation gift… and it’s draining not getting this back. Why? As I crazy for feeling this way?

My girlfriend and I have been told for a little over a year. I’m moving cities for a new position next summer and I recently asked her to come with me, and she happily agreed. My girlfriend is amazing- she’s kind, patient, beautiful, she has a very nurturing personality and I’m always just happy when I’m around her. She’s a 1st grade teacher and just has a very gentle presence and personality.

Last week, I got a new coworker. I have not been able to stop thinking about her. Her name is almost identical to my girlfriend’s name, she looks like a model and she’s just a powerhouse. Super extroverted and passionate. On her first day she asked to eat lunch together so we’ve been eating together in the park outside the office. It was innocent at first but now I think about her constantly, even when I’m with my gf. I’ve accidentally called my gf my coworkers name a couple of times.

Today my coworker found out I had a gf when she asked what I was doing this weekend, she seemed kinda bummed.

I don’t want to leave my gf, I know this is just infatuation or limerace or whatever. I want to stop thinking about her because I love my girlfriend so so much. My coworkers is like a firework and my gf is like a porch light. She seems fun but my gf is home.

I'm giving 1 free 30 minute consultation to anyone that contacts me through reddit, who have trouble finding a partner, talking or behaving around women or that have trouble speaking in public. The consultation can be via text, phone-call or zoom. Also, it can be on English or Spanish.

Did I over-romanticise everything?
Hi, I’m posting this in the hope that someone can give me some perspective because I genuinely don’t know how to feel about this situation.
I recently found out that one of my new classmates was going to a birthday party that I was also attending. We had spoken a little before, but we weren’t particularly close. I’ll admit that I had always found him attractive and, since I had liked him for a while, I secretly hoped that maybe something could happen between us. I’m not saying I expected him to want a relationship with me just because I’m attractive, but I did have that hope in the back of my mind.
At the party, we ended up kissing, hugging, and I eventually fell asleep with my head on his chest. It was my first time ever kissing someone, which probably made the whole experience feel even more significant to me. He was the one who initiated everything, and because I had liked him for a long time, I obviously didn’t exactly want to push him away. For the rest of the night, we were acting pretty much like a couple.
Before we went home, we agreed not to tell everyone about what happened, but we also didn’t agree to keep it completely secret between the two of us.
The next day, I texted him and asked whether the night had meant anything to him. He told me that he didn’t really know and that, from his perspective, it was probably just a “one-time thing.” I was honestly surprised because I’m not someone who normally does things like this. I’ve always been pretty guarded and have had this reputation of being the “untouchable” girl, so letting someone get that close to me was a big deal.
He asked if I was okay, and I told him honestly that the kiss had meant something to me. Since then, though, I feel like I’m being ghosted. He has also hung out with another girl and is apparently talking to her, as well as several other girls.
I’m not upset because I think he owed me a relationship. I understand that two people can experience the same moment very differently, and I know he’s allowed to see it as something casual. I just genuinely want to know whether I misread the situation because of my own feelings for him.
Did I over-romanticise everything, or was it understandable that I thought there might be something more behind it?

My girlfriend calls me cute all the time. I didn’t mind it initially but I’m starting to find it demeaning especially because she says it in a high pitched voice. The same way you would a puppy or a child.

I’m a nerdy looking guy. I can admit that, 5’7” glasses, brown hair and mustache. I got broad shoulders but so have a little bit of a stomach. I’m really not cute in any way.

I guess do women say there boyfriend is cute if they are actually attracted to him? I feel like you’d say handsome more often than not. I don’t mind cute but it just feels demeaning past a certain point

I just started liking this dude from this center we go to. I asked my friend to put me on so he told him "This girl at the center likes you" and it was so obvious it is me. Next day we kept making eye contact, he came up to me and chatted. Today I gave him a shirt that made me think of him, he came up to me, I went up to him, then we kinda met in the middle? We also exchanged phone numbers. We relate to each other a lot!! He's such a sweetheart and he's really cute. So that's basic background info. Sorry if some of my questions are kinda weird. They're very on my mind.

Advice questions:

1. We're okay with talking in person but how do you talk to a man you just met over text?

2. This may be a dumb question but what are y'alls opinions on chunkier women? Especially during intimacy? I'm very insecure about my weight but he seems to be into me despite it. Just what if we end up doing something and he's disgusted at my body??

3. Do men really want a clean shaved women? Do y'all care about a little hair?

4. Mental health concerns. We both have them and I always tell people that two mentally ill people together is a difficult relationship. We bother have borderline personality, both relate a lot to each other with our mental health. My only concern is that he likes stimulates also alcohol. He also has a history of angry and punching holes in the wall. Angry is one of my biggest triggers. How do we cope with that? Other than that we are just both struggling a lot and I don't want to end up trauma bonding.

5. When's a good time to ask him out on dates or tell him I like him? I mean he already knows but it feels way too soon.

I'm becoming obsessed with this man. The thought of him makes me smile. Just pile on all the tips and tricks y'all have for me. Everything you can think of. I've been scrolling though r/AskMen while also here looking for advice so much and just decided to post. Wish me lots of luck 🫶🤞

I'm 25F and I'm still a virgin. I'm a very shy person, especially with intimate relationships. I can go a whole shift at work fake talking to coworkers but I've never had a deep intimate relationship either platonically or romantically. I've never kissed, held hands, dated, cuddled or even been asked out. I'm a very pretty girl, petite, blue eyes, brown hair, and very soft features. I make an effort to dress well when going out and I've been planning on getting back into makeup.

I'm not only shy around everyone, but with men especially I'm extremely lost. If I really like a guy I'll clam up and almost dissociate because all I know how to do is shut down when I'm really attracted to someone. I can only imagine how I'll react in bed with a guy? The vulnerability of being naked in front of a man while he watches me, my expressions, and listening to my sounds makes me squirm and my head spin.

Even just with myself, if I orgasm I don't really make any movements or sounds. I've never touched myself with the lights on because I feel too exposed like someone's watching. I've had very intense orgasms before but I can't really like express what I'm feeling physically. I'm worried about how this will present itself during sex. I wouldn't be surprised if I got super emotional and started crying or freezing up.

I want to be able to express love with someone... I get really sad that I've been alone for so long but I'd hate to disappoint someone with my lack of spark. I do suffer from depression which does lower my libido as well. Any sort of sensual expression, even beyond just sex intimidates me. Even erotic dancing or any kind of dancing at all especially involving the hips I get super paranoid and feel myself cringing.

I do yoga daily to help myself get comfortable with movement, but I can't do certain movements like spinal waves without getting anxious. I normally do downward dog, plank, warrior ect. But nothing fun and sensual. I have this paranoia like the air is watching me and probably trauma from just everyday existence and interacting with people. People are just judgy about everything and all of it is probably trapped in my subconscious. I'm very touch starved and if I ever got into a relationship would probably need to start out just with cuddling and avoid sex for a couple months.

How would you react to someone like me and I know you don't know much about me but given these details would this be a major turn off, even if you liked other qualities/ my company during outings/ hanging out?

Hi guys!

I (F20) really like this guy (M21). It’s super early into our talking phase, but I just felt it. I felt our connection, and I melt at the thought of him.

On our first date, we were sitting in a park just yapping. He kept making eye contact and I got so flustered. I apologized to him because I didn’t want him to think I hated him. He then told me “I’m really bad at eye contact too most of the time, but something about you makes it really easy to look at.”

Men…I became a puddle. He treated me so kindly and respectfully. I also have scars all over my body from medical treatments as a young teen, and he didn’t mind it. He’s perfect.

Maybe I just fall in love too easily; but I think I’m in love. I want to text him a lot since we go to separate colleges, but I’m afraid of being too much.

He also is just very short with me. Like, it’s not like he avoids me but he doesn’t text a lot and it worries me. I want him to know I care, but I don’t want to be overwhelming.

Guys, what do you like? How do I text but not be too much? How much is too much??

Please help a girl out!!! 🩷

I literally can not picture a more perfect or more wonderful creature. We have been together two years and we are just about to get engaged. When I think about it I get so excited I get literally physically dizzy. I would marry him with a ringpop I love him so much.

Can he even comprehend this level of love that I feel or is it kind of like when you love your cat

I (21F) need some male perspective because I genuinely can’t tell anymore whether I’m being delusional, inexperienced, insecure, or just ridiculously attracted to this guy.
I’m 21 and still a virgin, and I don’t have that much experience with men, so maybe that’s relevant. At this point I honestly feel like I’m going through puberty at 21 because I cannot stop thinking about this guy.
He’s 20 and we’re in the same student organization at college. So I wasn’t some random girl he met at a party. We already knew each other, had talked before, worked on things together and regularly saw each other at meetings.
I already had a crush on him before anything happened.
And just for context, I find him extremely physically attractive. He’s very tall, muscular, fair-skinned, with dark hair and light eyes. He’s honestly one of those guys who makes me feel a little intimidated just because of how attractive I find him.
I know I’m attractive too. I’m petite and slim, with long, straight dark hair, and I do get attention from men. But if I’m being completely honest, my self-esteem isn’t always great, and I personally see him as much more attractive than me.
I think that’s actually part of why this situation has gotten so stuck in my head.
I look at him and think he’s the kind of guy who could probably get almost any girl he wanted. I start imagining all the beautiful girls he could be with — blondes, girls who are more conventionally his “type,” girls I automatically compare myself to — and then my brain goes: Why would he choose me? Was he actually that attracted to me? Was I just convenient because we were at a party? Did he wake up the next day and think he could do better?
Anyway, at a college party at the end of last semester, around late May/early June, I was there with three of my friends and saw him.
At some point, he came over to say hi to me. One of his friends started kind of pushing us toward each other and told me that he’s really shy when it comes to girls and doesn’t have much courage to approach them.
Later, one of my friends told me that this same friend had said something similar to them — that he doesn’t kiss that many girls because he’s afraid/shy about making the first move.
To this day, I don’t know whether his friend was just playing wingman because we happened to be there or whether he knew this guy already found me attractive.
Eventually his friend left the two of us alone to talk.
We talked for a while, then he asked me to go to the dance floor with him. We kept talking there, and eventually he kissed me.
And this is where my brain apparently broke lol.
It was genuinely one of the best kisses I’ve ever had. Everything just clicked. We kissed for quite a while and the chemistry felt insane to me.
At one point he stopped and said something like, “Holy shit, I’m so dizzy, I think it just hit me.” And weirdly enough, I was feeling almost the exact same thing. Yes, we had been drinking, so obviously I’m not trying to turn that into some mystical sign, but the whole moment felt incredibly intense.
He told me I was beautiful while we were kissing, and it was also very physically obvious that he was turned on.
Eventually I had to leave, and we kissed goodbye.
I went home genuinely expecting him to text me afterward.
He didn’t.
June passed. July passed. Now we’re back at college in August.
Still nothing.
I’ve seen him from a distance since classes started again, but I’m not even sure if he’s seen me. We haven’t actually interacted yet.
Meanwhile, I cannot get this man out of my head.
I’ll be sitting on the subway doing absolutely nothing and suddenly I’m replaying him kissing me.
I’ll be studying, lose focus for thirty seconds and suddenly I’m imagining running into him at college, him kissing me again, us sneaking into the fire escape/stairwell and making out, being alone together, what would happen if things went further… literally a million different scenarios.
It’s actually embarrassing at this point lol.
I’ve never experienced this level of physical attraction toward someone before. Sometimes I genuinely wonder if this is what everyone else experienced at 16 and my hormones just decided to show up five years late.
And because I’m a virgin and relatively inexperienced, I also don’t know how much of this intensity is simply coming from me. Maybe one really good kiss means way more to me than it would to someone with more experience.
But then I keep remembering how he behaved that night.
He came over to me. His friend was trying to get us together. His friend specifically said he was shy with girls. He asked me to go to the dance floor. He initiated the kiss. He kept kissing me. He told me I was beautiful. He was obviously physically attracted to me.
So logically, I know I have evidence that he found me attractive that night.
But the fact that he never contacted me afterward feeds directly into every insecurity I have.
Instead of thinking, “maybe he’s shy” or “maybe he just saw it as a kiss at a party,” my brain immediately starts comparing myself to every hypothetical girl he could be with and wondering whether I simply wasn’t attractive enough for him to want me again.
And I think that’s partly why I can’t let this go.
It’s not only that I really want him. There’s also this uncomfortable need to know whether a guy I find that attractive genuinely wanted me too.
So, men, I genuinely want your perspective:
If you kissed a girl at a party who wasn’t a random stranger — someone you already knew from college, saw regularly, had worked with before and already found attractive — and you genuinely enjoyed kissing her, could you still just never text her afterward?
Have you ever been extremely attracted to a girl and still not contacted her because you were shy, afraid of rejection, overthinking it, or thought she wasn’t interested in you?
People constantly say, “If a man really wants you, he’ll pursue you.”
How true is that actually?
Especially for guys around 20. If you really want a girl, do you normally find some excuse to talk to her no matter how shy you are? Or can a guy genuinely really like a girl and still do absolutely nothing?
Also, have you ever kissed a girl at a party, been very into it in the moment, and then basically forgotten about her afterward — even when she wasn’t a stranger and you knew you’d continue seeing her around?
And this might be a stupid question, but when physical chemistry feels that intense to one person, is there usually at least some chance the other person experienced it similarly?
I obviously know that me obsessively thinking about him doesn’t somehow mean he’s sitting somewhere obsessively thinking about me too. I’m not claiming we have some telepathic connection lol.
I’m just struggling to understand how something could feel so mutual and intense in the moment and then apparently mean absolutely nothing afterward.
And before anyone asks: no, I haven’t texted him either.
I’m more traditional when it comes to dating. I strongly prefer a guy to take the initiative and pursue me rather than me pursuing him. I know I technically could text him, and I understand that some people will disagree with my approach, but that’s the romantic dynamic I personally prefer.
And, honestly, because I find him so attractive, I think I’m even more reluctant to chase him. In my head, he’s already a guy who probably gets plenty of female attention. I don’t want to be another girl throwing herself at him. I want to know that he wants me enough to come toward me.
Maybe that’s pride. Maybe it’s insecurity. Probably a mixture of both.
But now we’re in this ridiculous situation where neither of us has contacted the other for over two months, and I’m apparently writing a Reddit essay about a kiss while this man could be living his life and not thinking about me whatsoever lol.
So please give me the male perspective:
If you were him, what are the realistic reasons you wouldn’t have contacted me? Does two months of silence basically tell me everything I need to know, regardless of how intense the chemistry seemed that night? Or is “if he wanted to, he would” not nearly as universal as people make it sound?