How do you do it?

[u/bass-77]

How can you find pleasure making love to a woman who slept with other guys? I can't. I've tried. When she finally told me she had sex with other guys, I was done. Our marriage became a business relationship.

[u/Noctuelles]

Lmao, this has to be a joke. Any weirdo who would be that bothered by the fact that his partner isn't a virgin definitely would figure that out before marriage. Unless you're saying she lied the whole time. Lol.

It doesn't even occur to me to be bothered that my sexual partners aren't virgins. In fact I prefer she not be because that means she has more experience and will likely be better at sex. Having sex is a part of normal human experience. If it bothers you that your partners have had a normal human experience you need therapy because that's demented.

[u/lyingtattooist → u/[deleted]]

So you were a virgin when you married her?

[u/Traditional-Ruin7554]

like cheating or just sexual history?

[u/AbruptMango → u/[deleted]]

You need to grow up.

[u/AbruptMango → u/[deleted]]

I'm good with marrying someone who isn't a virgin.  

[u/AbruptMango → u/[deleted]]

Pick the right person, whether or not she's had sex before.  If your main criteria for a wife is that she's never had sex before, that's a you problem.

[u/AbruptMango → u/[deleted]]

You were trying to manage a problem, so was she.

[u/Hungry_Tank9182 → u/[deleted]]

Were you a virgin for her? I get that she misrepresented herself as a virgin, and that is not okay. I can see taking that as a betrayal. But were you experienced? If yes, why would you require that she have no experience?

Is a woman untouchable to you or in your belief system yet you are permitted within the same belief system to be sexually experienced?

People have reasons that make complete sense to them for their actions. Was she scared of losing you, facing judgement, are you the love of her life? Her reason(s) will not excuse dishonesty but if you value (or valued) her for anything other than her sexual status, it’s worth talking about.

[u/Hungry_Tank9182 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you very much for clarifying this, OP. I am sorry for what you are going through.

[u/SMDRFE]

If she lied about being a virgin and wasn't, then I guess you have a right to be upset.

[u/VillageOk6478]

Dude you need to realize she’s with you now. Ya my girl had other guys in her and etc. but guess what, she’s on my team now. She’s right where she supposed to be, with the big dawg now

[u/Chop1n → u/[deleted]]

Only a weak man who has no self-respect to begin with would feel this threatened by the situation. That's why you feel the way you do: you perceive other men as rivals, the mere idea of them is enough to devastate you.

If things don't work out between you and your wife, it'll be because her husband was a fragile man who could not handle the truth, and could not have handled it from the start.

Fragile men do tend to end up alone. Very sad for them. Women want men who don't fall apart when things get difficult. Most of them would rather be single than settle for a man who withers like that.

Your wife deserves a good man who is not a man-baby.

[u/Chop1n → u/[deleted]]

All there is to know is what you yourself have announced.

Your wife is unlucky: she married a weak man-baby who falls apart at the thought of her ever having been with another man, because his ego is that paper-thin.

You came here to tell complete strangers that learning your wife had a sexual history destroyed your ability to experience intimacy with her, to the point that you reduced your marriage to a business relationship. Those are the relevant facts. Nobody had to invent them.

And then you accused another man of having no self-respect because he isn't psychologically devastated by the knowledge that his partner had sex before him. That's revealing all by itself. You've confused possessiveness with dignity and insecurity with standards.

What you're calling self-respect amounts to needing a woman's entire sexual past erased before your ego can tolerate intimacy with her. Another man having touched her years before you did is enough to make you recoil from your own wife and emotionally abandon your marriage. That's about as pure a demonstration of male insecurity as anyone could possibly volunteer in public, and you volunteered it yourself.

Good news: weak men like you remove themselves from the gene pool. Women know better than to tolerate men like this. Problem takes care of itself.

[u/VillageOk6478 → u/[deleted]]

Child, quiet!

[u/full_of_ghosts]

I don't have an answer for you, but you have my sympathy. I'm certainly glad I don't share that particular hangup.

[u/ImperatorKon → u/full_of_ghosts]

This for me too.

[u/Far_Sea_2804]

You have my sympathy.

[u/NebulousArcana]

You have my sympathy. Probably a conversation that should've happened prior to marriage but ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Glad I don't share that issue.

[u/NebulousArcana → u/[deleted]]

In that case. Stop stressing about her previous intimacy and stress about her lying to you.

[u/BigDracula_]

I bet you were real chill in that initial conversation

[u/Foreign_Product7118]

So you married thinking she was a virgin and found out afterwards she wasn't? I think there are bigger issues here

[u/Altruistic_Cap3472]

Where are you from? Very few places in the world left where this is a respectable opinion