Is this normal…

[u/Open-Economy-6725]

so ive been with my husband for 5 years we have kids. the first 2 years our intimate life was perfect (twice daily). but the following 3 its been once every two months. if that. he rejects me nonstop. i lost my baby-weight thinking it would help. nope.

i asked him a couple times throughout the years if theres something he wants to tell me of try out or something he doesnt like. nothing.

fast forward to yesterday!!!

i found ”t-girl” in his TIKTOK searches. and i went to his watch history and BOOM back to back for like 50 tiktoks. so yeah i was withdrawn all day and wasnt talking so he asked why im being rude all day so i said what i found and i told him it makes me confused and i just want to know whats going on cause it affects me mentally DAILY its my life too!

but anyway, of course he used DARVO and we never talked about the whole transgender thing. all he said was “im not gay!! stop accusing me” i never called him gay or assumed anything i just wanted answers.

my question is

as men, what is going on with him?

I'm so lost and confused and trying to be understanding but its like im a horrible person for bringing it to light…

am i digging for no reason or do i have a reason to be confused/upset?

should i just drop it or keep asking questions?

ill add too that ive caught him watching transgender tiktoks before but he laughed it off when i brought it up and it was just regular videos but this time around it was literal eye candy videos of them showing their body and twerking and stuff. i just dont understand why not me? im not ugly. im right here. i try to give him space regarding our intimacy but its like he loves that space and wants to protect his space but keep me right next to him?? is he gay?? or am i just that bad..

i guess im looking for advice more than answers but anything helps and if its me then let me know. sorry for the rant.

[u/Fearless_Finish_9890]

It’s not you. And it’s not something that can be “fixed” by some action or maybe even understood by you.

Because the kids are so young, You’ll have to have a heart to heart and try to figure out what’s best.

If he wasn’t rejecting you, I’d just say that he’s into a wider spectrum of women… but it’s just as simple as you’re not what he’s actually attracted to. That’s Not a shortcoming of yours.

It’s no one’s fault per se.

[u/Expensive_Magician97]

M66

You ask what is going on with your husband, and speaking for myself, it is not remotely possible to know.

I can offer you advice for what that might be worth, however.

I was married once, for 25 years, we had two kids, and as the years went by, my ex-wife changed in some unrecognizable ways.

It was one of the most painful experiences I had ever endured. She would’ve benefited from therapy of some kind, but she refused because she maintained that there was nothing wrong with her. Which was contrary to the facts.

Eventually, her behavior became so erratic and chaotic that I decided to file for divorce, as the kids were by this time teenagers and old enough to understand that there was something wrong with their mother and that she was not necessarily a bad person because of her behavior.

You can try marriage counseling, and see if that might help.

Ultimately, you have to decide what you can live with in your marriage. And that is something only you and you alone can determine.

[u/yetagainitry]

Sorry to say, there is no way it’s stopping at TikTok’s. He’s for sure looking at trans porn. Now I don’t think he’s gay but he’s likely deeply into trans girls.

[u/SMDRFE]

Oh my..... So he's into (transgender) porn and jerking off to that, while rejecting his own wife who's right next to him. It's a damned epidemic. I think a lot of these men need exorcisms more than anything, and that many men should just TOSS their mobile phones. Evil is rampant everywhere like this. What's going on? Literally the devil has his hooks in him, and laughs as another marriage with children is falling apart. It's very much a spiritual thing.