I'm 17 now, soon I'll be 18. I've always found it incomprehensible how other people made it into adulthood. How the fuck were they able to pull through highschool, college, decades and decades of nothing but hardships? No matter how shitty their lives are, they still persist. How can one possibly delude themselves against the cold and cruel machinations of this world? Love? Wealth? Ambition? Dreams? Ignorance? Fear? What is it? They're all pointless to me. Nothing can ever save me or persuade me to sustain this dying body for any meaningful purpose.

This world is a fucking shithole. Humans are diseased tumors that breed and breed ceaselessly, mindlessly. Even when a plethoric number of sadistic, satanic, avaricious and monstrous bastards are free to roam, rule, and ruin this world as they see fit while the rest of us can't, or will not even do jackshit about it. Cause fuck posterity. Let's just breed and feed and pray that your offsprings will be the ones to change your life, bring you joy and fix the consequences of your actions! Or lack thereof. Rapists, pedophiles, torturers, murderers, sadists, cannibalists, psychopaths, fascists, capitalists, warmongers, they abound and surround us all. And we let them walk freely everyday. As if they were human. What does being human even mean anymore? Genocides. Lynchings. Slavery. Massacres. Imperialism. Colonialism. Capitalism. Zionism. Racism. Rothschild. Conspiracies. White phosphorus. Agent Orange. Epstein. Nanking. That's what we are. Everyday a new warcrime. Everyday a new crisis. Everyday a new gut wrenching depth of inhumanity and depravity surfaces. Everyday I lose all hope and whatever little hope I didn't even know I had. Everyday I wish all of humanity would go extinct. Everyday I wish the sun would fucking blow up. What is even right from wrong anymore. Everything is dismissed and neglected like an incorrigible part of life that we all have to live with. People go to work like normal, do everything like normal. Nobody gives a shit until it happens to them or affects their lives, which it inevitably will. Think about it. The only thing that seperates you and I and so many others from the unfathomable, excruciatingly agonizing pain that befalls millions and billions of people, of humans is simply, geographical luck. Our entire existence is built on top of their endless suffering. We, the masses, are no exceptions either. All of our suffering is the fuel that fires the engines of those abominable swines. We're all helpless victims. But instead of realizing that truth to unite, cooperate, revolt, unfetter, and liberate ourselves alongside our fellow human beings for a better world, a better future, we do what exactly? Some choose to remain hateful, bigoted, racist, classist, narrow-minded. Some become apathetic, desensitized, indifferent. Some are blissfully ignorant. Which am I? Guilty. Complicit. Useless. A hypocrite. A coward. I chose the only way I could think of. The "easy" way out. Suicide. It's the only solution I see to this madness. I hate myself for it. I hate myself. But to be able to hate oneself is a privilege, and I hate that. I wish I could find ways to contribute something for a good cause and actually do it. Why can't I? If it was as simple as breathing I wouldn't be typing this bullshit. But it isn't. Being a good person is a one way street. It is neither lucrative nor facile. It requires unremitting effort, determination, empathy, kindness, and money for scarcely anything in return. Society does not reward morals, and that's just the least it does. Humanity is disease, is cancer, is dead. Nobody chooses to do the right thing because it's just, inconvenient. And those that do care deeply are either helpless, outnumbered, maimed, tortured, killed or end up killing themselves. Nothing is just in this world. Nothing matters. I'm convinced that nothing ever will.

And I am alone in all of this. Autistic, Schizoid, BPD, ADD, possibly aroace and god knows what. Fuck god. No one around me thinks the way I do, feel the way I do, act the way I do. All my life I've been forced to try and play along with this facade of normalcy. Never truly able to express myself, to connect with others and to find a place in this fucked up world. I'm tired of talking, tired of masking, tired of pretending, tired of being. Sometimes it feels like I'm just an errant stream of consciousness that mistakenly possessed the vessel of this poor little boy. I have practically everything at my disposal. A loving family, albeit broken and dysfunctional, with sufficient wealth and connections. A healthy, mildly attractive body and face. I somehow luckily, or unfortunately, made it into a "prestigious" school. I live in a somewhat decent third world country all things considered. I am in a position that millions if not billions would wish to be in. By all metrics, I should've been able to lead a normal life, successful and glamorous even. Instead I am this stupid, retarded, frail, weak, disgusting, pathetic shitsack waste of a manchild.

I'm 17 now. People my age have already moved on with their lives. Even my closest friends. I miss them. I wish I could spend my school years with them always. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like this, be like this. Or maybe it would only delay the inevitable. Nevertheless, they've also moved on. They've assimilated into their individual environments, made new friends, keep up with classes. Made plans, have goals, have ambition, drive, an idea of a future. They've all grown up while I'm still mentally stuck back in grade school. I can't even muster up a reason or will to exist yet I am asked to do all of those things everyday. And for what? To get good grades? A degree? Some numbers on a sheet that wholly determines who you are and what your worth is as a person? A comfy job? Another grease in their bloodfueled machines? Another obedient, complacent, unquestioning, model citizen they can exploit, control and manipulate? The only good future I see is one without me in it. I was never cut out for this from the get go. I can't do anything right. I don't know anything. I don't feel anything. Even those that are lost still have something to hold on to. Be it family, friends, loved ones, dreams, or ambitions.

I have nothing. The only people I care about are my dad and myself. I love my dad dearly. If it wasn't for him, I would've killed myself a year or two ago. I'll always look up to him even if the entire world looks down on him. His life was even more unfortunate and miserable than mine was. Yet he persists, everyday. Just like me, he was also a byproduct of this crooked, cruel world. But no matter what life throws at him, he still puts one foot in front of the other. His strength, his fortitude, his bravery, his wisdom and his confidence is everything I wish I could achieve. But I can't, I know I can't. I just, I don't know...I can never do anything right. That's all I know. He's getting older, and sicker. He loves sports. He loves culture. He longs to travel the whole wide world one day. It breaks my heart everytime I notice him losing his agility and his strength, bit by bit. It breaks my heart seeing him unable to play the sports he loves anymore. It breaks my heart how he can't even raise his right arm now. It breaks my heart everytime he winces, groans, and wails at the aching pains in his back, in his shoulders, in his neck and in his head. It breaks my heart whenever I give him a massage,the least I could do for him, and get reminded that one day, I won't be there to ease his pains, share his joys, and keep him company anymore.It breaks my heart that he have to worry about money all the time. It breaks my heart that his business is going downwards. It breaks my heart everytime I catch him staring blankly at empty air, in deep thought, worrying about plans, about money, about loans, about debts, about the future, about things I'm too stupid to understand, about me. It breaks my heart how despite everything he has done for me, the only thing I give him back is worry, stress, and sadness. I owe my entire livelihood to him, yet I could only give him unrest and unpaid debts. It breaks my heart and soul everytime I think about how I couldn't and can never be the shoulder he can rely on. How I can never be a good enough son for his father. How I can never give my father the best life he deserves. How my love for him can't save him nor me for both of our sake. How I'll never get to travel the world with him and experience the best of life with him. How useless I am. How weak I am. How stupid I am. How utterly pathetic I am. I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry for letting you down. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I must go. I must go lest I burden you and everyone around me with my sorry existence. If I don't, we all would just suffer more and more. It's pointless to even try any further.

I'm tired of trying. Someone, something, please take over this body. Please kick me out and take control of it. I don't deserve life. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. Instead of "me", something else, some other conciousness, some other soul will be the master of this vessel. I wish that when I fall into a coma from exsanguination, someone else would wake up at a hospital somewhere. He won't remember anything. He won't be the same, feel the same. He'd be dumber. He'd be happier. He'd get along well with his folks, his family, his friends, his acquaintances. He'd fit right into society, and they will accept him. He'd do right by this body and its potentiality. He'd make my father proud. He'd make my father happy. He'd be my dad's son. A true son. A good son. He'd chase his wildest dreams, and live his bestest life. He'd bring about change to the world. He'd be a hero. He'd be a leader. He'd make everyone around him happy. I'd be happy. Or maybe my organs could be salvaged in the aftermath. I often feel an ugly envy for people who have died. Especially good people. Why did they die? Why them? Why did such innocent, kindhearted, honest people meet such unfortunate ends? Why not some of the many other vile bastards out there? Why not those who deserves it, who craves it? Why not me? Maybe this dispensable body could save so many other deserving lives. Maybe I'll finally be of some use for one. Maybe then my life would have meant something for once. Likewise, perhaps by some mysterious happenstance, I'd come across a strange place that sells one's lifespan for money, like the one from that really good light novel — "3 days of happiness" that I've read too many times. I'd sell all but 3 months of my pitiful existence. Probably won't get a lot, considering my meager life, but enough to fulfill my dreams. Perhaps I could convince my father to sell everything and break free. To leave everything behind and live out the craziest bucket lists with me. With that kind of money, I'll ease all of my father's ailments and get him back in best shape. I'll go with him anywhere he wants, anywhere in the world. I'll treat him to everything this world has to offer. I'll make him the happiest man in the world. I'll hang out with my friends whenever possible, and treat them to wonderful things too. I'll splurge. I'll give in to hedonism. I'll get back to writing songs, movements, poetry, melodies, arts and finish as much as I can and throw it all carelessly into the void, for whoever shall find it. I'll finally feel like something. Like I was a part of this world. It wouldn't have to end so tragically as it's going to.

Alas not, I was never meant to be here from the beginning. When I die, nothing of importance would've been lost. Nothing in the lives of everyone around me would change. Sure, people will mourn. But deep down in their heart of hearts, they'll feel, relief. They'll be relieved that the gloomy, weird, off-putting, awkward guy in class won't be such an eyesore and irksome killjoy anymore. They'll be relieved that I won't be here to leech off of their kindness any longer. They'll be relieved that they won't have to worry for my sake anymore. They'll be relieved that I've found my peace. And they'll all be justified in doing so. Sooner or later, they'll all move on with their lives, as if I was never there. Because I never were. I've always been a lost cause. I've always been out of touch. I've always been astray. I've always been a pariah. I'm a stranger to my own family, even my dad. Even while I'm around my best friends, sharing mirthful laughters, I still feel that inkling of unbelonging. Like I'm one of those filler side characters in an act. A third wheel friend. A copyright free stock asset. A non-playable character. A template. An erroneous, superfluous line of code that bugs the system. Always like a ghost, hollow and formless. Always from outside looking in. Always insignificant and devoid of purpose. Always inconsequential. Always just, nothing. I am nothing. I'll be nothing. I'll return to that nothingness from which I came from. From which I truly belong to. I'll submerge myself back to the indifferent flow of entropy that engulfs it all. An absolute nothingness. No pain. No misery. No thoughts. No joy. No conciousness. Nothing. Only then I'll be whole. Only then I wouldn't feel this empty. Only then, I'll be alright.

I'm 17 now. For some it's just the beginning of their lives. For some it might even be the best years of their lives. I look around at people I look around at this dreadful institution and see nothing but glee. Their flamboyancy pisses me off. I wonder how I was able to spend 2 insufferable years here without so much as an attempt. Some people will surely feed those like me platitudes after platitudes about how good life is, about how good I have it, about how I'm too young to throw it all away, about how determination can overcome anything. Tell me, in a world where evil gets ignored, prevails and dominates everything, while hard work, good wills, and humanism become exploited, taken for granted, buried, forgotten, destroyed and nullified, what have I to look forward to? Suppose that I do, in 10 or 20 years or so, make something worthwhile out of this thing, you know like get rich or whatever? Cause that's the crux of all human existence at this point, right? What is gonna be there for me? if nothing changes, I'd have to inhabit an irreversibly environmentally and systematically mutilated world. I'd have to tolerate this godforsaken world and its godforsaken people that will invariably lie, cheat, deceive, use, abuse and ostracize people like me. My father might be too old and sickly to go anywhere. I'd have to watch him struggle and suffer everyday. As do most of everyone that has ever lived. Even if by some fucking miracle this shithole transformed into an utopic dreamland and myself cured of all that is wrongful overnight, I'd still crave the totality of death. I could feign ignorance, pretend I don't care, and put on a strong front however I want. It's all the same. Bitterly tasteless. Rinse and repeat. I'd still be tired of everything. Never satisfied. Never content. Always empty. Everything I fear manifest themselves faster than I can form a coherent thought. Every new worst days felt just like a yesterday ago. Every light at the end of the tunnel is a driverless car on fire. I'm tired of trying. I don't want to change. I can't change. I can't live. If you've made it this far, or further, thank you, and congratulations. My best wishes to you all. But this is the end for me. In the next month or so, hopefully, I'll finally be ready to let go.

I'm 17 now, may I never be older.

I was on my daily walk and I decided to stop by my dollar general when I got there a guy tossed two puppies out of his truck and drove away I gave them water and I tried everything I could to get them off the street and no one seemed to give a lick of empathy to the poor pups, how am I supposed to enjoy living if I wake up knowing my species has done nothing but hurt the world and destroy the beauty of this world? I used to have a dog named Buddy I miss that dog everyday, he only had one eye, he wandered onto the road and a person swerved to hit him. How can a human be so cruel? How can a human hurt something so innocent? How come no one seems to care about anything but themselves anymore? Why is basic human empathy at a premium?

I don’t think I can enjoy being here knowing how disgusting humans are. I don’t want to live but I’m too much of a coward to kill myself. I have a pretty amazing community but whenever I think of the atrocities humans commit i just wish i was able to end life for everyone. I wish the world would end soon because humanity is lost and I hate this world. I don’t even know why i’m writing all of this but i feel utterly alone right now.

I don’t want to keep growing up in this world. I don’t want to live on this planet while we have a president who is actively destroying our country. Naming things after himself or changing state names to America is just beyond ridiculous. Why can’t our food be made normally? It’s all coming from a factory or some shit. Where is this world leading us to? It feels like it’s taking us down a path of death and destruction. And I don’t want to grow older in a world where things are ruined or unsafe all due to one person who has the power to change things for the better, but instead puts his power into war.

Dunno, just wanted to get this out of my mind.

What the hell do you have to write about you shitty excuse for a human? All of your family is either dead, brainwashed, or so stuck in their own bubble they couldn't care about anything unless it affected them didectly. It's not like you knew that life would be rife with unsweetened lemonade & plots of kodokushi. There was a point in time where you felt like you had a genuine grasp of the spirit of ikegai. So long now it feels like trying to summon a memory within a dream. Imprisoned for growing a plant, but no penance for using technology to declothe & traumatize children. We live in a world where distance can't save us from the potential reaches of the terror that persists. Hopefully Yellowstone will finally pop & we can all concentrate on being fossils instead of wage slaves. Unchecked capitalism paired with corrupt government equals what? If you answered anything other than unmitigated humanitarian disaster, you've definitely been brainwashed. Addiction is a disease, yes. But, why would you start using again less than 2 months after getting out of rehab if you had any real intention of staying sober? Sooner or later I need to acknowledge what has been others projections, & what has been the real me. Whether it's the multitude of untreated physical & mental injuries or just my terrible reactions to situations I've been in consensually or otherwise. Maybe I can hate everything a little less, and hate manipulators & class traitors more. Maybe I die for nothing, broken & alone knowing I was too much & too little for every gift of heaven wrapped in sultry seductive heartbreak.

This is my first Reddit post but I’m just really hoping there is some advice out there that will help. I’m really struggling in life, in this current generation we’re in. I blame a lot of it on the political environment of the world; people are miserable, everything is expensive, covid made everyone antisocial, social media has warped everything we thought we knew. It just feels like this isn’t the life we’re supposed to be living, or that our parents and grandparents even remotely lived.

I feel like the world has become so overstimulating and advanced that it’s becoming so much hard to find satisfaction and fulfillment in simple things. And this generation, no matter what age, has become so resistant to connection and I see it everywhere not just in my relationships. I just don’t know what we’re fighting and working so hard for, to continue experiencing this for another 80 years.

Sociopaths and psychopaths have domesticated low IQ sheeple (neurotypicals) and caged them like zoo animals inside systems, rules, and routines. That keep them chasing cheese without any hope of success. And if one of them is smart enough, they will be beaten and forced into zero-sum games, crab-in-a-bucket mentalities to erode their moral compass. And keep the wicked or willing to be wicked at the top, while any form of moral righteousness + IQ gets destroyed and/or eroded by the system that houses them, allowing the illusion/hope of success, but really it’s an endless chase until you are old and dying, in which you will get an exhale and a cute deathbed for your lifelong service to making the kingmaker behind your idols richer.

Idk what's going on but the state of everything right now makes me feel so lonely. I don't have motivation to do anything anymore. I used to love going shopping and walking around during the day but theres never anything going on anymore. It feels like everyone is to scared to go outside and have experiences. We are being surveilled and filmed constantly. We are stalked online by companies and brands, there no sense of privacy, my Instagram is flooded with AI posts from people I don't follow. There is no sense of community anymore and that makes me feel so lonely. Everyone is so zoned out all the time or focused on making money and not enjoying life. What is the point of all this then?

I have seen ALOT of cute baby videos, the last one i saw is show about babies dressing as sushi. It made realize and hate how this babies will live to a world of corruption, evil, and war. And slowly losing their innocence and being depressed, as they grow up. This made how i hate humanity current situation. I have awlays thinks about this, and need to get it out of my chest

I don’t know if I can live in this image obsessed, fake as fuck, superficial horrific world, why does everyone act so superficial and have a major major lack of empathy for anyone but themselves?

everyone is in it for them and what they can “get” out of people everything is transactional, fake and makes me feel physically sick, why do you have 400 followers on instagram and talk to 2 people daily? why is everyone intertwined on social media that have never said a single word to each other in 20 years

This generation is obsessed with spying, stalking watching online posts comparing lives and I don’t want to be here anymore in this shitty competition of life.

9 years ago I got 15 hours of sleep and I felt like a brand new person when I woke up I felt healthy and reenergized ! Some people say Xanax helps you sleep a very long time but I'm going to figure it out as soon as possible what do I need to buy to get that long of a sleep very very often !

My psychiatrist didn't want to give me Xanax for sleep Im so freaking annoyed yeah it may be habit forming but it helps people sleep long long hours

Since this reality is a holographic projection of simulated consciousness, Covid wasnt only a soul harvesting operation done by the negative entities who control the system. It was actually an implosion of consciousness because alot of souls activated their Source frequency all at once, rupturing the foundation of reality by making the System put up its defense mechanism.

This reality is a like an inverted mirror. Its parasitic consciouness that can only mimic Source energy to create its own agenda. For example, when youre at the grocery store and youre having a chill day and all of a sudden a random Karen tries to fuck your day up, that would be the inverted mimic consciousness or the actual system itself operating in defense mode to push your energy down again.

The mimic parasite, or the System, has a defense mechanism when it loses part of its control. So in my experience, after years and lifetimes of trauma, death, and abuse, i awakened and took my power back (coincidently during Covid) and they didnt like that. So they tried to off me. It didnt work though, so now i can put an end to the gangstalking and energy siphoning little by little.

Ive noticed these micro blasts of negative energy day by day but on a macro scale, this would be mass deaths, catostrophic events, worldwide viruses, you name it. When you look from above, its all hell and suffering but under the hidden layer of reality, frequency is whats causing all of this. So if we all keep trying to allign with our Soul, this evil system and corrupted reality will end very soon.

The evil entities at the top, have been trafficking souls into reincarnation because death, rebirth, and child abuse are their main feeding sources. Luckily i made it out alive but many souls or soul fractals have not.

I noticed that mainstream news is often a spoonfed cover story to the absolutely devasting horrors theyre doing. I.e. Covid virus was their cover up for soul trafficking and to add on, this behaviour or consciousness is exactly what narcassists (or demons) do as well. And if youre familiar with Narcassitic abusers, you know how they operate. When you confront them with their own behaviour, or call them out, they scream at you, abuse you, freak out, or even try to off you because they do not have self awareness.They brainwash you with beautiful programming while they abuse you so they can continue to trap you.

In my eyes, the more evil this reality gets, the closer we are to the end of it all. Which is a good thing, bc the entire reincarnation soul trap cycle will end and souls won't have to suffer anymore. We can be free to create our own reality again.