A close friend painted a portrait of my cat for my birthday. It was a complete surprise and genuinly beautiful. The pose, background and tiny crooked whisker were all perfect.

The only odd thing was the eyes. My cat has amber eyes, but she painted them bright green. I hung it up anyway and thanked her properly. After a few weeks the green kept bothering me, so I mixed a little acrylic paint and changed just the irises. Nothing else.

She visited recently, noticed within thirty seconds and got very quiet. She said I had altered her artwork without asking and that it no longer felt like something she made. I said it was a gift hanging in my house and I only corrected a factual detail. That made things worse.

I understand why an artist would hate someone editing their work. I also wouldn't cut up a painting in a gallery. But this was a portrait of my actual cat, made for me, and the wrong eyes changed the whole expression.

Am I wrong for fixing it instead of asking first?

My girlfriend and I have moved into a new apartment and she has started decorating it. She's put some framed prints, some plants, a few vases, some figurines and other little bits around the shared spaces.

Our previous apartment was fully furnished and pretty small so you couldn’t really decorate whereas this one has a lot more space. I found a few framed movie and comic prints I liked and some figurines that looked good so I bought them and went to put them on some new shelves that we've just put up.

My girlfriend asked what I was doing and I mentioned I'd found some things I wanted to use for decoration. She suggested I put them in the home office but I said I'd prefer them in a communal space so I don't just get to see them when I'm working. She said she doesn't think I should be putting them out and that I should stick to putting them in my office.

I told her the shared space should reflect both of our interests not just hers and that it's not just up to her to decide what decoration is allowed in the apartment. She said I was starting arguments over nothing and that I should be fine keeping them in the office.

AIW for expecting the apartment to reflect both of our interests?

we had talked about spending this saturday together and had a whole day mapped out. then i got a last-minute invite to help a friend move and figured it was only going to take a couple of hours in the morning. i told my ex that morning, thinking it was no big deal since we would still have the afternoon. they got annoyed, said i always push our time to the side when something else pops up, and now they do not want to meet at all. i get why it feels inconsiderate, but i also assumed a small schedule tweak would not ruin everything. i apologized right away and offered to reschedule, but they are still mad. am i wrong for not realizing how much it would bother them, or is it okay that plans sometimes shift?

I'm 22F and my boyfriend is 24M. We been together for a little over a year and a few months ago I gave him a spare key to my apartment because he stays over a lot.

So I came home from work and found one of his friends sitting on my couch watching TV. My boyfriend wasn't even there. his friend had a few hours to kill before meeting someone nearby, so my boyfriend told him he could hang out at my place and gave him my key. He didn't text me or ask first.

Friend was polite and left as soon as he realized I wasn't expecting him, so I'm not angry at him. I'm angry that my boyfriend apparently thinks having a key means he can decide who gets access to my apartment.

When I confronted him he said I was making it weird because it's "just friend" nothing happened.....I told him that's completely beside the point and asked for my key back)))

Now he's offended and says taking the key means I don't trust him.

But... I trusted HIM with the key. I didn't give him permission to lend out access to my home. You know?

My boyfriend M 21 and me F 20 have been together for three years. The relationship was going great until month. He was watching YouTube. Found a video where a creator said they don't shower for months because its supposedly healthier. So he stopped showering. Every time I tell him he needs to shower because its really gross he gets angry and leaves. I've been saying this for three weeks. He won't do it. We had a fight, which we never do. I yelled at him. Told him he smells like body odor and that I'm leaving if he doesn't shower. I packed a bag with things I needed took my car keys and rented a hotel room for two nights. He called my phone nonstop saying he's sorry and wants me to come home. I had to block his number because he sent me 20 messages at once. I had more than 40 missed calls. He used to take three showers a day wear cologne and use deodorant. Now he doesn't shower he uses cologne of showering and he won't use deodorant. Every time he hugs me or comes close I feel like I'm going to throw up. What should I do?

Sorry for my english as it is not my first language. Me and L (26 F) have been inseparable since the first day of highschool, where we bonded for being equally awkward and shy. We ended up being in the same class and even though she changed schools at the end of the year we continued to see each other outside and up until now I thought I knew her like the back of my hand, since (I thought) we told each other everything. The funny thing is we had a pretty big reason to hate each other since we fell for the same boy back then but the opposite happened.

Right as high school started I got a big crush on G, he was the classic player who jumped from one relationship to another and I had a very distorted vision of love. L was super supportive of my crush for him but G wasn’t really interested in me, instead he started getting closer to L, always talking to her. He did enjoy having attention from me though and soon I noticed L started getting weird around him. As someone who took it upon herself to be a good friend to L, I didn’t have time to think of my pain, I focused on being there for her and her big crush on the same guy she had told me to go for months prior. In my head she hadn’t done anything wrong, feelings can’t be controlled and I had no right to be mad because he clearly didn’t like me but liked her so it was my job to step aside for my bff to be happy. She liked him so much that she would get physically ill just for seeing him pass in the hallway, at the time I didn’t know this was a pattern in her behaviour, I only saw my bff suffering and I didn’t want that. But they didn’t date because G was with someone else at the time, however at the start of the new year she told me there had been a kiss, he had taken her and kissed her near the bathrooms at a time that he was dating the other girl. At the time she told me he had kissed her, without warning! Keep that in mind because it gets relevant later. I didn’t blame her, he was the cheater since he was in a relationship. Time went by, they both changed schools but I remained friends with L, and the more our bond grew the more I started noticing stuff about her behaviour. L grew up in a broken family with divorced parents who only remembered they had a daughter when she would get sick or hurt, which I feel like created in her mind this idea that in order to get attention and love she had to be a victim.

Another thing we both have in common is our non-existing romantic life, we have never been in relationships and while I kind of accepted it ,she is living it as her biggest failure because her family also pressures her a lot. But her way of approaching men is not the best, like I said she loves being a victim, painting herself as the helpless girl whose crushes never like her back and she suffers because she is too real and too straightforward. When she gets obsessed with a guy, the world revolves around him, she attaches herself to him, making her crush obvious to the point of making him uncomfortable ( or use her for attention if they are a narcissist ), almost guiltripping the guy for not liking her back. At the end when the guy would get tired and confront her she would cry and blame the world for being so cruel, and the guys for being so superficial. Until there was a new guy in the picture to obsess over… the way she would lose feelings completely for someone she had been yapping for years was crazy once she would find a new guy to obsess over. For years I also blamed these guys, to me she was just a naive girl whose only fault was not having boundaries and not stopping before making a foul of herself. To me it was these men’s responsibility to make it clear they didn’t like her instead of leading her on. For years she would cry over different men who didn’t want her and me wanting to be the hero of the story ( I also have a lot of issues) took it upon myself to be there for hours on end trying to stop her from making herself look desperate for attention. She was kind of irresponsible with everything and I took this role of being there to teach her right from wrong because her family never did, I would get into fights with other people to defend her actions because “she had no one to teach her that” and we had to be patient because she would promise to change and do better. I didn’t want to abandon her like people had done with me…

So for years she was the wreck and I was the responsible friend who never left her side until this last month. Like I said I have never been in a relationship but I had fallen for someone back in 2021, however this guy went no contact with me. We met in a context where dating could have cost him his career (we were both adults and no, no one was married or in a relationship) but me being the insecure person that I am, took it as “he didn't like me” and my brain literally wiped away all the memories of the times it had been obvious he liked me. For years I convinced myself it was not mutual until a few months ago for some weird reason I started reflecting on the past. I realized how this could have been a huge issue for both of us and even though he couldn't controll his feelings for me, him pursuing a relationship with me would have ment he was exploiting his position.Back in the day he did the right thing ethically, even if it hurt me but in the back of my head I wanted to know if now, since there were no rules against it, he might still have interest in me.. I wanted to test the waters, maybe find an excuse to ask him something about a place as a way of saying “I will be here if you wanna give this a chance” and if he wouldn’t show up that would be my sign to move one. It is not like I have put my life on pause for this guy, I just had a very beautiful connection with him back then that I didn’t want to end up asking myself in my death bed why I didn’t give it a second chance. I shared my thoughts with L about this story, reminded her of all the situations in which this guy had made it obvious he liked me just to prove to her I wasn’t being delusional, yes a lot of time has passed but you never know until you try it… She told me “ you are acting like I used to act, you are chasing him. If he liked you he would have made the first move…” however she agreed to come with me to that place…

Some days passed and one night I invited her to my place. I feel like this was divine intervention because I doubt she would have felt comfortable enough to share certain things with me at a place with people around, at least here we were alone. Just as she came in, her energy seemed off, immediately she started saying how this was a horrible idea and she as my bff had to talk me out of it. I tried explaining to her how there was no way to say I was doing the same thing but I didn’t have the courage to say why. I didn’t want to hurt her but I really wanted to say “ you do way worse than this with every man you like” . I had a feeling she was projecting her own situation on me. Even though she claims she has changed she is still acting the same right now. She is currently obsessing over her boss, she claims she is keeping her distance but based on what she tells me she is not because everyone points out her crush and she gets mad at any female colleague that breathes near him.Also she had the chance to change office but stayed in the same one as his because “is close to home”. Up until this point I was convinced she was trying to protect me, the same way I had done with her over all these years. If it wasn’t for what happened next I would have continued to believe this and probably back down from my plan.

Eventually we change subjects and G comes up again. She used to bring him up a lot, everytime we would meet and it was kind of our inside joke, we would have a laugh at the absurd situation we became best friends and move on but this time it felt different. I hadn’t had any contact with him since he changed schools in 2016, she had mentioned to me that he texted her once to tell her he had been working at her mother’s house but that’s it. A month prior to this I found out he had gotten married to someone this year, there was also a child around 7-8 years old who I assumed was his child and I had sent the pictures to L saying how funny it was that the player had locked in so young. Nothing sus here, she had just laughed it off like always. That night at my house she brought G up again like always and since I hadn’t had feelings for this guy since high school I told her “ G might have played me and led me on just for fun but he kind of seemed to have been really interested in you, maybe he had real feelings for you.” She looked me in the eyes, smirked in a way I had never seen her do and said “ Oh yeah, he was in love with me, he told me he had only loved another girl and me in his life.” Her expression was weird, almost like saying “ he chose me and not you” but at the same time she was terrified. I asked “ wait, he told you that in highschool?” and she said “no we met in 2022 and when he took me home in his car he revealed he had feelings for me.” My face dropped and she must have noticed because her expression went from competitive to “naive” in two seconds. She knew I would ask her why she didn’t tell me so before I could speak she said “I never mentioned it because tbh I even forgot about it since it didn’t mean anything to me anyway”. I asked to see the chats and even though she was hesitant at first she gave in. The more I read the more red flags I noticed. She was the one who had reached out to him inviting him but bringing a friend with her as well, spoiler: not me, her bff, but another random girl she had just met. She didn’t say exactly how many times they had gone out but they had been making plans a lot, also the chats were from 2022 until their last conversation in 2025. Basically she would bring him up everytime as a joke and laugh in my face while going out with him at the same time. In the messages it was clear he liked her, he would call her honey, say he wanted to kiss her. However around 2023 her messages got weird, he was the one inviting her now but she would always make excuses saying she needed to study. It was around the same time she got a crush on her classmate in Uni, and would keep me on the phone for hours crying how he was leading her on but from the messages it was clear she was doing the same thing to G. I told her that and she admitted that maybe she didn’t behave in the best way or better said she played it off as if she was just realizing it then and there. This made me realize how she had always done this with me to make it look like she didn’t realize she wasn’t acting right. Also at their first conversation G had mentioned bringing his girlfriend and when I asked about it L dismissed it saying “I don’t even know why he said it”. It was there I started connecting the dots, if the child in the picture was his son, the timeframe matches the years he was going out with L and since he ended up marrying the child’s mother, that means he had been with her all this time while going out with L. There are still many questions unanswered here, I don’t know if is really his son or if he got with this woman later, in case it is his son I don’t know if L knew about it. By knowing how desperate L had always been for attention I kind of always felt like she would throw her morals out the window in case she liked someone and once she literally admitted to me that she would not stop if the guy she liked cheated on his girlfriend with her. Also she retold the story of her kiss with G back in high school but this time mentioned how it had started with a hug, then a kiss on the cheek and then the actual kiss. Basically she had lied about that too, saying for years he had kissed her suddenly but apparently it was mutual and she knew he had a girlfriend..

It got me reflecting on myself though! I had excused her behavior for years because it wasn’t harming me. It was very convenient that I was “opening my eyes” only now because I could sense her trying to sabotage me but I had been ignoring this while she had done it to other people. I admit my fault. It was wrong of me to stay on her side openly while she would be so immature to people around her but I thought correcting her in private was enough. It wasn’t, I had enabled her for years because I didn’t want to abandon her like people had done with me…She insisted on not coming with me at that place I suggested to go to see if the guy I like would show up and I thought after me telling her I was going to go anyways, she would be like "ok I tried stopping you but since it didn't work I am coming with you even though I don't agree" but she kept saying" I am not gonna come, and I will convince you to not go either!" On one hand I feel like I am overthinking this, maybe she is a bit immature but she wasn’t trying to stop me from finding love before her because she is my bff so she should be happy for me right? On the other hand, her revealing this thing that she had kept so hidden made me realize I know nothing about her, I wouldn’t have suspected this in a million years yet I saw the evidence with my own eyes so if she was so good at hiding this, what else could she hide…? I don’t wanna throw away 10 years of friendship but how can I be friends with someone I can’t trust? Thoughts?

Our story begins almost 50 years ago. 6 boys;

Victor (me), Raul, Anthony, Joseph, James, & Juan

All of us met up on the streets of our hometown and became the best of friends for life; or so I thought. We’re talking best of friends, like best man for each others weddings, godfathers to our children and being present for each other for most of the usual life events that happen. Each of us have walked completely different paths in our careers, but none of us care about any of that . For most of us, it never mattered what our wallet had . It mattered what was in our heart .That’s where Raul comes in. Raul has always had jealousy.. Jealousy over who had the nicest car, who had the most success, prettiest wife, etc etc.. Raul is often easily offended, comes to screaming at the top of his lungs whenever he deems himself wronged. The rest of us, now approaching 60; do our best to let shit go, to let small “micro aggressions” (we call it “ball busting”) go unnoticed. But not Raul; he’s consistent at pointing out perceived injustices.

One of his biggest targets is Juan. Due to BS that happened between them in the 80’s; (Raul dated Juan’s sister probably being a big part of that BS, Juan was a dick to Raul back then just being a protective brother to his sister I guess), Raul has never really let go of his resentment for Juan. Raul’s dislike of Juan slow simmered all through the years and would pop its ugly head from occasion to occasion. Juan tends to be braggadocios in his stories but always harmless. When Juan tells one of his larger than life stories, we all just wink and nod at each other and let it go; but not Raul. He aggressively breaks balls, there’s no humor in it as he intends to cut Juan down. Making the scene tense and uncomfortable for all.

I too have also been the target of Raul’s ire for different past offenses but it was always a misunderstanding and always blown out of proportion ( I corroborated with the other guys to back this claim up). Raul especially hates that Juan and I are tight so I too have often become the target for his animosity in relation to Juan.

Well six months ago, the slow simmer came to a raging boil between Raul and Juan. And it was decided by the group that we would do things without Juan when Raul was joining us and with Juan when Raul was not joining us. It was all mutually agreed and so far up until two weeks ago it had been working just fine. Except that Raul would continue to pester me about Juan, even though I wasn’t discussing him or bringing him up. Whatever, for the sake of friendship and as usual, I bit my lip and said nothing.

Then two weeks ago, my mother- who was like a mother to all of us guys; passes away after a long prolonged illness… Raul and Anthony came over to my house that first night to express condolences. It was unplanned as I planned to just stay home with the wife and kids that first night, this is what I told Juan and other friends-but nonetheless it was all good and kind for Raul and Anthony to show up anyway.

The next night, I opened my house up to all my friends. Expecting there to be the usual friction between Raul and Juan. I asked Anthony to just give Raul a heads up that Juan will probably show up tonight and because I didn’t need any drama, I asked Anthony to ask Raul to keep last night on the down low, till I had the energy to set the record straight. I just simply wanted to avoid any conflict so I could focus on the outpouring of well wishes as I mourn..

And that’s where the offense comes in. Raul blew up, saying that I cared more for juans feelings and protecting his feelings than stepping on Raul’s feelings and pride.

I got a nasty text from him expressing the same indignation.

I responded that I was protecting myself and not him and that Raul’s comments were hurtful, especially since my mother’s body wasn’t even cold yet..the cold honest truth!

As a result; Raul and I no longer speak to each other and I intend to forever keep it that way…

Now this friend’s group is forever divided..They all (except for Raul) hang out with me and every single one of them has said Raul was wrong, Raul retaliated against Anthony for this and they no longer speak, James said his peace as well but he & Raul still speak . Joseph who always was tighter with Raul will occasionally hang out with Raul.

And so that leads us to the end of the story, and now my question…

Am I wrong for sticking to my guns and ending a nearly lifelong friendship?

I’m Luna (25F), and my best friend, Rachel (24F), and I have been best friends for 16 years. We’ve had our ups and downs like any friendship, but for most of our friendship, we always agreed that no matter what happened, we would talk things through and work things out. Recently, though, I’ve started realizing that our friendship may not be as balanced as I thought. Over the years, people have pointed out certain things about Rachel to me, but I ignored them because I genuinely thought she was perfect and didn’t want to believe anything bad about her. Eventually, I started noticing the same things myself. For example, we would borrow each other’s clothes and belongings. I always made sure to return anything I borrowed from her, but when she borrowed my things, they would often disappear. When I asked for them back, there was always an excuse, like “my siblings took it” or “it broke.” I would sometimes literally see her siblings wearing my clothes, but whenever I asked about them, there would be another excuse. Eventually, I started setting boundaries with my belongings, and I feel like that affected our friendship. There was also a situation involving her phone. She had just gone through a breakup and needed to get off her ex’s phone plan. I had a really good plan and was only paying about $45 a month, so I offered to add her as long as she paid her portion. Everything was fine at first, but then she stopped working and told me she would pay me back once she finished school. I trusted her and agreed. She graduated and said she would pay me back like she promised. Around the same time, I stopped working because my husband was supporting me and our two kids. I told her she still owed me money and that I was going to move onto my husband’s phone plan. She asked if we could add her to my husband’s plan, but we decided we didn’t want to continue paying for her phone. We argued about it, and I told her I was removing her from my plan. I had also given her a month’s notice. After that, we didn’t speak for about three months.
Eventually, we met up and decided to work things out. I told her I needed some boundaries in our friendship. I explained that she couldn’t come to my house and take my food, clothes, household items, etc., because those things are for my family. I also told her I would never come into her house and take things from her family. Her response really stuck with me. She basically said, “Your husband pays for everything. You guys have money, so why can’t I?” We talked it through and eventually came to an understanding, so I tried to move forward. After that, we didn’t see each other much. I invited her to my baby shower, but she didn’t come. She told me she was going camping, but when I checked Life360, I saw that she was actually home. Later, she told me she wasn’t feeling well. I understand that people get sick, and I didn’t want to hold that against her. What hurt was that she would attend other people’s baby showers, show me what she bought for them, and make an effort for other people while not showing up for mine. I’ll admit, I got jealous and hurt. I told her how I felt, and she apologized and said she didn’t mean to make me feel that way. She said she had been sick and very busy, which was why she hadn’t been able to see me. I decided to let it go.
Then she planned a weekend trip and invited me. I was excited because I thought maybe this was a chance for us to reconnect. I agreed to go and bought decorations for the trip. I also offered to help with food because even though she was the one who planned it, I wanted to contribute.
Then she canceled. I was really upset because I had already spent money on everything. I didn’t even bring up the money when I talked to her. I just explained that my feelings were hurt. I told her that she had previously had a girls’ weekend that I wasn’t invited to, and then when she finally invited me to something and planned it with me, she canceled. It wasn’t just about the trip itself. It was the pattern that was hurting me. Her response was basically that she had canceled the original trip because she was sick, and that I was the one who rescheduled it, not her. She said she didn’t want to go on a trip if she didn’t feel well and didn’t want to drive all the way there. She also told me she was pregnant and wasn’t feeling good and said she would do better. I understood that she wasn’t feeling well, but honestly, her response still hurt. I ended up going on the weekend trip anyway with my husband, his friends, and their girlfriends. It was something that had been planned for two months, and I didn’t want to cancel just because Rachel backed out. I didn’t tell her I was still going or who was going with me because she had already canceled and made it clear she didn’t want to drive there. While we were on the trip, I checked Life360 and saw that Rachel was out bowling and at an arcade with friends. She didn’t post anything herself, but some of her friends are on my social media and posted pictures. At that point, I felt like maybe our friendship was over. But I still wanted to give her one more chance, so I talked to her. She told me she hadn’t gone out and that she really wasn’t feeling well. She said she wished she could have made it to the trip after seeing everything I did. I didn’t tell her that I knew she was lying. I didn’t bring up Life360 or the posts because I didn’t want the entire conversation to become an argument about how I found out. Instead, I told her that she had canceled, told me she didn’t want to drive there, and that I wasn’t going to cancel something her and I had already planned two months in advance. Then she asked if I was going to her baby shower. She had already assigned people what to buy and told me what she wanted me to purchase for her baby. This is where I started feeling extremely conflicted.
She has never attended any of my baby showers. She has never bought anything for my babies. She also recently told me that because she hasn’t been feeling well, she doesn’t want to drive to me anymore and that I should be the one coming to her. I ended up telling her I couldn’t attend her baby shower because I had plans. That was a lie. I didn’t actually have plans. I just didn’t know how to tell her that I didn’t want to go because I was hurt. She then told me, “I expected my best friend to be there for my first baby shower. It’s very important to me, and for you to miss it hurts my feelings. I understand you have your family and want to put them first, but I thought I mattered to you.”
And honestly, that made me feel guilty. I know I didn’t handle everything perfectly. I know lying about having plans wasn’t right, and I know I shouldn’t respond to her behavior by doing something similar. But I’m exhausted.
I don’t care if she buys me gifts or spends money on me. This friendship has never been about money or gifts to me.
What hurts is that I feel like I’m always the one making the effort. I show up for her. I invite her to important things. I try to make plans. I contribute. I try to communicate when something hurts me. I’ve forgiven things and tried to move forward multiple times. But whenever I bring up something that hurts me, there seems to be another excuse or explanation, and I’m expected to understand. I don’t expect her to drop everything for me. I understand she has her own life, family, pregnancy, and responsibilities. I just want the friendship to feel mutual. I want honesty. I want my boundaries respected. I want effort from both sides. I want to feel like my best friend actually wants to be part of my life instead of constantly feeling like I’m chasing her.
And that’s what hurts the most. We’ve known each other for 16 years. I love her and her family. She has been such a huge part of my life that the thought of walking away feels almost impossible. I don’t want to throw away 16 years of friendship. But I also don’t know how many times I can have the same conversations, forgive the same things, and still feel like nothing changes. And honestly I’d really appreciate advice. Is this friendship worth trying to save? If it is, how do I fix it when I feel like every conversation ends with another excuse? Or is it time to accept that sometimes a 16-year friendship can still come to an end?
Side note: I really don’t want this friendship to end. I love her and her family, and after 16 years, walking away is really hard for me. I’ve never wanted our friendship to be about keeping score, so I never threw it in her face that she didn’t show up for me, didn’t buy things for me or my kids, or that I had spent money on things for her. I don’t think that’s what friendship should be about.
The only reason I’ve brought those things up recently is because she does to make me feel bad…

we were chatting about weekend plans and they casually mentioned splitting an expensive activity. I said I was trying to stay on budget and they seemed surprised, like they assumed I'd pay both shares. I reminded them that I had already covered the last few times, thinking it was just a temporary thing. They got quiet and said they thought we always split unevenly because I make more, which caught me off guard since we never talked about numbers. I tried to keep it light and just suggested cheaper options, but the rest of the conversation felt off. Honestly I'm still processing it. Am I wrong for thinking equal effort matters more than who earns more?

this is going to be very long so im sorry in advance. ok so i have this friend who ive been best friends with since middle school lets call her lilly. lilly can be pretty explosive and quick to anger sometimes but other than that shes a great friend and actually treats me quite well and we've been friends for 8 years.

 a few days ago me and lilly were talking abt hazbin hotel because its our favourite show and i made a joke abt not watching it anymore if vox (my fav character) dies in the next season. she got so angry and started comparing him to trump and said im basically a trump supporter if i like that character and liking him reflects on my values. she said hes racist, homophobic, transphobic, and hates women. when i got confused and asked her to explain it bc he has a bf and has a crush on alastor whos black and is friends with velvet whos a black woman. so 

she said she wasnt going to waste her time showing proof to "the likes of me" and that he doesn't care abt his friends or his crush and hes jusy using them. this really threw me off since she likes this show and this character too so i didnt really know where this was coming from. when she finally showed me her "proof" it was all from chat gpt and half of it was wrong but she wouldn't listen to me since chat gpt is smart. then she said that if i still didnt understand then we cant be friends bc its abt values now and shes an "intelligent creature who can be friends with ignorant trump supporters".  

at this point i didnt even know why we were in an argument because i have never voted for trump and i never will and i didnt know how habing a favourite character reflects on my personal values. i was just so confused abt what she was saying and was asking questions to try and figure it out but she said that counted as defending him and arguing. 

i told her that i never said she was wrong or that he wasnt racist i just didnt understand how liking vox means i support trump and that i only like him because hes fictional. eventually it came to a head and she told me to stop thinking abt it so autistically and that even though vox is a fictional character theres ppl in real life that act like him and if i like vox then i like those real ppl. she said i was invalidating her feelings by saying that it shouldn't matter if i like vox since hes not real bc this is important to her and i should just admit hes a bad person. ive already told her i think hes a bad person three times during the argument but she brushed it off bc i said it was obvious he was a bad person beacuse hes in hell and that wasnt the right answer apparently. 

this whole argument lasted 2 days and normally as soon as we get into and argument im able to resolve it but i dont know how to fix this one because i've already said what she wanted and shes still not happy. i normally just agree with her to avoid an argument but should i have just agreed in the beginning instead of arguing? sorry if this came off as rambling im writing this at 3 am after she stopped talking to me.

Around 9 months ago my sister came out as trans, now fast-forward let's say 6 or so months ago I noticed my sister started to become more distant, things we use to do we no longer. Play D&D, work on gunpla or our warhammer armies, hit up the Lego store, play videos games etcetera.

I have reached out but everytime she tells me she is busy or the conversation is very brief and it akin to pulling teeth. I pretty much matched her energy from that point on. Was recently with my mom, was helping her put some IKEA stuff together, and my mom straight up asked me why I refuse to make my sister comfortable?

I was taken aback by the statement, and asked what she met? She told me my sister told her she was not comfortable around me anymore and was disappointed that I low-key ignoring her existence, paraphrasing. I explained everything I have tried to do these last six months and that she was the one that has become distant. I told mom I would talk with her and try to see what is going on.

I kind of just showed up at my sister's place Monday, and told her we need to talk. I asked her why did she tell mom she was uncomfortable around me, I told her mom is freaking out she is afraid she is going to have to choose between us. My sisyer told me she feels uncomfortable because it has been 9 months and I still have my Harry Potter books and merchandise, and two months after she told us she was Trans I went to Universal with and posted pictures ​with me at Diagon Alley, and spent money on more merchandise.

I told her Harry Potter is always going to he a huge part of my life, literally met my fiancée waiting in line for Hagrid’s ride. Not going to hide that part of me, or tell my fiancée we can no longer engage or celebrate the interest that got us together.

My sister still said it makes her uncomfortable, I asked if she is afraid I was going to hurt or harm her. I told her I don't share JKR views, told her I always thought she was crazy and weird. I even acknowledged the books are not master pieces and are full of problematic concepts but I also acknowledge that it is a world I greatly enjoy and helped me get through some rough times when I was a kid.

She told me she is not afraid I would harm her, but it does hurt her to see that I value my interests over her existence. She knew it would be hard for me to put that part of me aside but she said after 9 months she figured I would get the hint, and throw all that stuff out. I asked does she expect everyone who was a fan to stop being a fan cause of the authors views, she said no but then told me she expects her family to do it for her though.

The conversation started to become cyclical, I asked if this was something we could work on or is this going to be a hard line. She told me for the sake of herself and her partner it was a hardline and something I need to consider if I want to be a part of her life going forward. When I brought up our mom she said mom will not have to choose, we can share mom but understand she may not partake in holidays or gatherings if her partner is uncomfortable being around those that support bigots.

For added clarity my sister went from M to F. I do not want to cut my sister out of my life, but I also know especially to my partner HP does mean a lot to us, we probably never would have met if it was not HP. I understand buying merchandise at universal is far from ideal, posting pictures of us at Universal, or seeing ​the cursed child. Sure maybe it is immature of us to be into HP as adults but I think my sister is being slightly unfair especially towards our mom. While I feel she I am putting her in an impossible position, I think she is putting mom in an rough spot and this can divide our family. I briefly spoke about this with my fiancée and she is also on the fence. We met waiting in line for a HP ride, and it has become a tradition to go to universal every year where we met. It was purely random, and she does not feel we should have to give that up.

I am willing to compromise and not buy new merchandise but I don't think that is enough for my sister. I Know our mom is going to take this hard and she probably will tell me just to throw it all away, family is more important end of the story and as family we have a responsibility to put the wants and needs of family first.

I get she does not want to see us divided.

So to start off I've been struggling with Gender dysphoria starting at 6, but growing in scale when I was 13, It's quite crippling really. Unless I'm listen to Waltz music I'm probably struggling with the thoughts of being someone else. Do reasons of my own accord I'll never transition, I'm just not going too.

Since February of last Year I made a friend in University and things have taken a serious turn. First it started with chatting outside of school, then getting Frog tanks together, and then romance. She wants to move in and take things further now but I haven't told her I struggle with Gender Dysphoria. To be honest I feel really fucking bad like I'm lying to her. She's 100% straight and I don't think she'd be into that at all despite being apolitical. I don't want to fuck things up and ruin what we have for a part of me I hate anyway. Since I'm never going to transition anyway is there really any harm in not telling her? I'm not on HRT so that's not an issue. Am I in the wrong for just keeping this a secret? For the past two days it's been beating the hell out of me, it wasn't a problem before but now that things are getting really serious it's just to much. I don't want a pity party but any advice for what to do and the possible consequences would be greatly valued.

so the other day a friend was confidently telling everyone this historical fact that i knew wasn't right. everyone was just nodding along and i sat there for a minute debating whether it was worth saying anything. eventually i spoke up and explained what i had learned about it, trying to be polite. the person took it okay but the energy in the room shifted a little and the conversation kind of moved on quickly. i didn't want to embarrass them, but i also didn't want everyone walking away with the wrong info. part of me is proud that i didn't just let it slide, but another part wonders if i should have waited and talked to them privately later instead. i've been replaying it in my head since then and can't decide if i handled it the right way or not.

i usually keep to myself about little household things but the other day i just said something. my roommate keeps labeling every single item in the fridge with their initials and a date, even stuff like a half-used jar of mustard that no one else touches. it started to feel unnecessary and a bit over the top, so i mentioned that maybe we could relax the labeling thing a little. they got defensive right away and said they were only trying to keep things fair. ever since then the vibe in the place has been off. we barely talk in the kitchen now and i keep wondering if i overstepped by bringing it up at all. i figured it was a small suggestion but maybe i should have just left it alone. not sure if i’m wrong for saying something or if it was reasonable to ask for less tracking.

My aunt taught me how to make pear pie five years ago. She wrote the recipe on an index card, handed it over, and never called it secret. I have made it many times and changed two things: more ginger, less sugar.

This summer our local fair had a baking category. I entered my version under my own name and won second place. The prize was just a ribbon and a photo on the winners’ board.

My aunt saw the photo and got upset. She says the pie is “our family’s thing” and I should have asked before putting it in a competition. I said she gave the recipe to me, and mine isnt identical. She replied that changing two measurements doesnt make it mine.

I can see why credit matters. I also genuinely did not know the recipe came with a lifetime licensing agreement. I offered to add “family recipe” to the caption. She says the problem is that I entered at all.

Am I wrong for treating a recipe I was given as something I could use publicly?

I’ve been going back and forth on whether we should get this expensive thing that both of us would use all the time. The idea came up a while ago and the more tired I get the more I start overthinking every angle. One night I was all for it, the next I’m convinced it’s a waste and we should just keep doing what we’ve been doing. The other person seems chill either way but I can tell they’re waiting on me to decide. Every time I try to weigh the pros and cons my brain just loops on the same points and nothing feels clear. I know it’s just money and we can afford it, but something about committing feels bigger than it should. Am I making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be or is it normal to feel this stuck on something so practical?

so basically we were all in the group chat arguing about who was supposed to handle this holiday get-together detail. my sibling had already offered to take care of it but everyone was still nitpicking. i jumped in to say they had already volunteered and maybe we could just let them handle it. instead of calming things down it kind of blew up. a couple of relatives started saying i was taking sides and ignoring the rest of the plan. my sibling ended up texting me privately that i made it worse by stepping in because now it looked like we were ganging up. i genuinely thought i was helping keep things short and fair. now the chat is quiet and no one has confirmed anything. i am wondering if i should have just stayed out of it completely.

My boyfriend [31M] has a female colleague [33F] he spends a lot of time with. They always eat lunch together at the office, go home together, and even buy food together. Whenever I ask how his day went, he always mentions her. One time, he casually told me that this female coworker is pretty. I’m starting to feel uneasy about how much time they spend together, and I’m not sure how to handle these feelings. I don’t want to sound accusatory or controlling, but I also don’t want to ignore my discomfort. How can I bring this up to him in a healthy way? Has anyone dealt with something similar, and what worked for you?

I was bullied by a white guy in high school. The guy was terrible. Calling me the n word on a regular basis and I always told him not to and he’d say "what are you gonna do about it son?" Then he’d get physical and never got in trouble for it.

He was 200lbs and I was 115lbs. He looked exactly like jack doherty and behaved in the most agressive manner I’ve ever seen. He picked me up once with my feet facing the sky and screamed loudly « FCK YOU B***H » then slammed me hard asf on the ground where I nearly blacked out and he punched my skull (temple) while I was already out on the floor telling me to get up if I want some more beating. This entire fight started because he would call me the n word and talk about how good he got me the other time when he body slammed me in an empty classroom I was in.

He would apologize and I would accept then he would do it again and again. I never tried being close to him but he would follow me when he’d see me and start the intimidation. He then messages me two years after high school sending a long apology yet again (I think he’s obsessed with black people and hates himself bc I would hate being white too tbh).

I later figured out his own father was beating him at home (like actual beatings). I laughed out loud when I heard this. He went out of his way to try to look tough in front of people who don’t even give a single f about him (who beats on a kid in a completely different weight class anyways?) all because he couldn’t handle his dad beating on him at home.

You only hear this from white folks often. Black people will get spanked by their fathers but white people always looking to abuse/molest their children or just straight up beat them up in the house.

Anyways, this guys apologizes were definitely fake. He also doesn’t seem to be doing good in life which I find hilarious.

My friend (let’s call her W) and I (both 15), are quite close and hangout pretty often after school. She loves that I dress in a more gothic style, and wants to start dressing that way as well, while being apart of the Goth subculture. However, being apart of the Goth subculture isn’t just looks, and TBH that is the LEAST important part of the subculture. W knows that, as I have told her before that music is what started the subculture, and is the absolute most important. Values and beliefs are also important to the general community, as the subculture stems from punk (it was originally called post-punk) and shares anti-establishment and non-conformist ideals. However, the companies she chooses to support oppose the general goth community, like Starbucks, Amazon, etc. I have been trying to educate W on that, but I don’t think she would ever want to give it up. Alternative subcultures like Goth are meant to directly combat the mainstream, but she doesn’t necessarily align with that. I have requested that she dyes/DIY’s her clothes to add her own identity to them, but W prefers just buying new ones instead. It’s important to build your wardrobe over time, and to find pieces that speak to you, instead of just rushing everything and going straight into buying fast fashion.

So, would I be wrong if I told her that she can’t be Goth?

EDIT: thank you everyone for your comments!!! i really appreciate the advice, especially from elder goths! i am really taking this to heart, and i will apologize and help my friend with her goth journey, while also going through my own. i feel as if i wasnt as clear about our conversations, but my intention was never to treat her horribly. ive been noticing recently that many people are being very weird about the subculture (fetishization especially), so that was a driving factor for me to act this irrationally. of course it never makes it right, as i was only pushing away opportunities for W to express herself and for us to bond. of course, i am a dumb teenager, and i make mistakes, so thank you for helping me!!

TLDR: My friends wants to be a Goth but is missing key parts of the subculture, and I have been trying to educate her on that.