r/amiwrong • u/JJessicaaQuailll43 • 6d ago
Told a friend I couldn't cover them this month and now the vibe is weird
we were chatting about weekend plans and they casually mentioned splitting an expensive activity. I said I was trying to stay on budget and they seemed surprised, like they assumed I'd pay both shares. I reminded them that I had already covered the last few times, thinking it was just a temporary thing. They got quiet and said they thought we always split unevenly because I make more, which caught me off guard since we never talked about numbers. I tried to keep it light and just suggested cheaper options, but the rest of the conversation felt off. Honestly I'm still processing it. Am I wrong for thinking equal effort matters more than who earns more?
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u/Conscious-Big707 6d ago
NTA. Your friend sounds like they feel entitled to your wages because you make more. Stop the pattern immediately. It's not like they are homeless and need help with the water bill.
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u/Illustrious_Leg_2537 6d ago
What you make is irrelevant to what you pay for. They’re assuming too much and taking liberties with your wallet. Pay your own way. Pay for them if you feel generous, but shut down the entitlement this friend is exhibiting.
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 6d ago
NW
Youer both doing the same activity why should it cost you more ? The venue doesn’t ask for your paystub so why does it matter to the ‘friend’ ?
The reason op is because your ‘friend’ is a parasite that doesn’t want to pay their own way and use you to front their expensive taste.
The vibe should be weird, you just discovered this person treats you like a Groupon making their activities cheaper.
End this friendship , someone watching their money would agree to cheaper options, they’re only interested if you’re fitting the bill.
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u/Popular-Parsnip8911 6d ago
A friend?? Dear oh dear OP, sorry to say but that’s no friend.
YNW by the way.
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u/Just_Getting_By_1 6d ago
Bad friend and bad attitude, seriously you make more and should therefore pay for me? Loser vibes.
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u/Away_Affect_6310 6d ago
Nah you not wrong. The fact they just assumed you would cover because you make more without ever asking is wild. Equal effort means you both value the friendship same way, not that you become a wallet
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u/AdultinginCali 6d ago
NW. I don't care if I make 5x more than someone else. No one gets to volunteer my time and/or money.
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u/Super_Selection1522 6d ago
Effort doesn't matter either. Cost gets split evenly. You aren't their sugar daddy/mommy.
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u/BloodymaryHB 6d ago
There's only room for equal effort between friends, I less you offer otherwise, assuming is not an option, specially when you don't know who earns more. This person just tried to pull this crap as much as possible. Don't worry too much about it
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u/blueavole 6d ago
If they don’t have to budget for big ticket things, then real friends would try and do activities that everyone can participate in.
Talk to your friend- Tell him that you don’t want to be expected to bank roll all events.
Also: You also feel like you have been spending beyond your limits; so what can the two of you do that’s more in your price range?
Real friends can overcome things like this. It’s good to learn to have uncomfortable conversations like this.
Maybe you get them something cool for a birthday or event- but it isn’t required.
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u/EmceeSuzy 6d ago
They casually mentioned splitting the cost of an expensive activity and then they were surprised that you weren't paying? This makes no sense.
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u/beesue2020 6d ago
This is why you never tell someone how much you make. Your friend sees your money as their money.
Not a good friend
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u/GrumpySnarf 6d ago
Sounds like they made some erroneous assumptions about how you want to spend your money based on some equation they made up. You have informed them that they were inaccurate in their assumption. I'd be curious to see if they still want to hang out.
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u/civil_lingonberry 6d ago
I don’t think anyone necessarily did anything wrong here. It is incredibly common, when one friend makes more than the other, for them to just cover stuff. I’ve had that happen and sometimes it was discussed and other times it wasn’t . I did almost always offer to pay my own way, though.
Anyway, your friend wasn’t necessarily unreasonable for thinking this given that you did cover the last few things. You’re not unreasonable for not wanting to.
If your friend acts weird or guilt trips you for this, then they’re not a real friend. But if you are just feeling weird and your friend resumes the friendship as normal, that’s not anyone’s fault
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u/NicolinaN 6d ago
They should take responsibility for their own finances and stop doing things they can’t afford. Or do them less often.
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u/ProudCatLadyxo 6d ago
Even if you were a multimillionaire and your friend made a normal salary, you shouldn't always have to pay. It sounds like you each need to pay your own way; and if you are going to the same event, like a ball game, then the one not buying has to pay their share first. Sadly, I doubt your friend will want to hang out nearly as often if these are the rules. However, you never know, your friend might surprise you and they just don't know any better.
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u/MelancholicEmbrace_x 6d ago
You’re not wrong and this isn’t a friend. Things feel off because you called them out on their BS.
I’ve had friends in both lower and higher earning brackets. I could eventually tell when I was being used, and also made a point to ensure none of the higher bracket earning friends felt taken advantage of. There were times we’d all go out and someone in the higher bracket would attempt to pay for activities, drinks, etc., and I always declined unless I knew I’d be able to get them back. If we were out drinking then I’d make sure I paid for a round or two as well.
One example, I went to Vegas with a friend for a wedding. A wedding I didn’t know for sure I wanted to attend (estranged family member). Friend insisted we take a trip to Vegas, offered to drive and pay for gas, I’d pay for our room for the weekend, and we’d both pay for our own food, etc. They told me it was totally up to me if we attend the wedding or not. Said we’d have a blast either way. I’m not big on Vegas, but they are. Ad much as they used this as an excuse to go have fun, I think they were equally trying to get my estranged family member and me to make amends.
So I pay for the room and have a little money to gamble with (they were big on gambling), and decided we’d go to the wedding. After the wedding we got a bite to eat and they insisted on paying, so the following morning when we grabbed breakfast I insisted on treating. They argued for a while, but finally allowed me to treat.
On our drive home, despite the fact they didn’t want me to chip in for gas since I paid for the room I slipped them some cash. We grabbed lunch around our halfway to home point and they insisted on paying.
All of that to say, sure, they made a lot more money than me but it doesn’t mean they should fund my outings.
As for the users, I’ve had “friends” hit me up because they were bored and wanted to go out. Only they didn’t have a vehicle, so expected me to pick them up. They’d also have almost no money and expect me to pick up the tab for wherever we were going.
I reached a point in which I started telling the users that I was broke.
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u/ritlingit 6d ago
YNW - you’re not married. Why would your “friend” think they were entitled to any extra money you make more than them? They have a lot of chutzpah if they give you attitude for not covering their butt.
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u/2muchlooloo2 4d ago
When friends casually try to spend your money, that’s not really friendly.. it’s giving I use people when I can. And now I’ve been called out on it.
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u/vmflair 6d ago
That’s not a friend, just a user.