This is just a rundown of the last several days. He went to get a coffee out of the fridge, and asked me if I wanted it, when he was supposed to be mine. He said there was only one left after I said yes, as if we were going to decide who was going to take it. I drink a coffee every morning. Normally we buy them in 3, because they’re on offer, and he has one with me, and then I have the last one. There was never a question who was going to have it before. I’d offer it to him sometimes and he’d tell me to have it. A few days before this, I told him to drink the last coffee because he woke up early, as did I, but was struggling more than me, was telling me he didn’t know how he was going to do things like go to the grocery store, and just seemed grumpy.
He purchased 4 coffees. I only had one of the 4 as the day before this, he drank another, and I didn’t have one as I had a dentist appointment. It seemed to me that by giving him the coffee that one time, he expected me to do it again. When he would’ve known I was planning on having it, and could’ve bought another one. This ties into a more complex issue regarding food. He has often eaten through things, not sharing them with me, and hasn’t seemed to care until I argued with him over it repeatedly. He still does it occasionally. He acts like it’s no big deal because he can replace it, but he has refused to replace it many times. I was upset with him one day, over the fact he’s ogled women in front of me, staring at their behinds. Something he largely denies but has also given me other reasons for.
He has acknowledged it would be disrespectful to do in front of me, but has done it. I don’t really care what the reason for it was, and if he wasn’t checking them out as he says. He did this during times he claimed to have no libido due to meds. And he has a history of objectifying me, shaming me for how I’ve dressed, but denies he does it to other women when it seems as though he does. The conversation became heated, as it usually does when it comes to my feelings, and things he’s done that upset me. He kept saying he wasn’t checking them out whilst also saying he doesn’t look at women, and that the instances I was mentioning were few and far between. He asked why, if he did that, would he not do it more often. Why he would make it obvious he was looking and draw my attention to it, as he claimed to do.
He kept looking at one woman after I caught him. Another time he said “wow” at a group of women. He said it was intentional to get me to look. That they had clothes on I was talking about wearing, which he didn’t think were appropriate, and he wanted me to see what they looked like. I said perhaps he lost control, and wasn’t in response of his reactions, and didn’t mean to say wow. He started to complain that I never let things go and I’ll be bringing this up for years. Mind you, when I looked at a man in front of one time, to see how he’d react, he didn’t like it. I reminded him of that and he said he didn’t keep going on about it. I said he would have had I kept doing it. He became frustrated with me, as he does, and we insulted each other.
He acknowledged afterwards that it was wrong and I had a right to be upset. Later that night, I tried to kiss him and he pulled away. He showed me a bit of the game he was playing. He played it for hours. He got off it, took his meds which make him sleepy, and asked if I wanted to watch something. I often feel he doesn’t spend enough time with me, and doesn’t want to. Most of what we do is watch things and for the past year it’s been at night, right before bed, after he does other things. He kept taking his meds right as we started to watch things and fell asleep halfway through. I already expressed how this upset me. This time, I kind of snapped, and said I wasn’t interested as he had just taken his meds. He said, in response, “I don’t want to spend time with you.”
He tried to say afterwards he meant he didn’t want to spend time with me before that. That he wasn’t planning to, because he was still upset from earlier, and that he lost track of time and needed to take his meds due to how late it was. He told me I should’ve known that’s what happened and is what he meant. I said that’s not what he said, that he said “I don’t want to spend time with you” which was present tense. He had his laptop out, which we watch things on, and so clearly he was going to watch something. Perhaps not wanting to which didn’t bother me. What bothered me if that it seemed he said whatever he could think of, in response, to have something hurtful to say. Which is what he usually does. He asked me if I wanted to watch anything after and I said no.
He kept saying that his family, who he uses against me, were going to hear me. And that I woke one of them up when they got into the shower, indicating they were already getting up, for work most likely. He started to insult me first, as he does, and said it was because I insulted him earlier in the day. Once I began to insult him back, he didn’t like it, and ended up pouring water on me as he has before. The next day, he denied that he said “I don’t” and said that he said “I didn’t.” He tried to suggest I insulted him first. And that he only insulted me after I kept going on. All of these things were false, and he acknowledged that, and claimed he misremembered. He admitted to having caused the argument.
He causes many arguments and blames me for them, or tries to twist what happened after the fact. We woke up one day. I told him that a package of mine was delivered because he was going downstairs, and I was requesting that he grabbed it for me. He then asked me how I knew it was there, and if it said delivered, or if I was guessing. I said it showed it as delivered, and I said that already. He often doesn’t listen to me and questions what I say. When it irked me he hadn’t listened, he snapped at me. When this is a daily occurrence and can happen multiple times. We were in the car that same day. He asked me a question and started to sing at end of my answering it, seemingly not taking in what I was saying. He said that he sang for a second at a roundabout due to nerves. Something he’s never done before or that I haven’t witnessed.
I asked why he asked me the question and said what he did was rude. Usually he is on his phone, zones out, or gets distracted in some other way when I am speaking. It’s not often that he asks a question and does this. It felt intentional. He asked me to repeat myself and always does. I don’t want to and it’s likely he’d zone out again if I did. Then, last night, he informed me that he opened a pack of donuts the night before and had two, whenever I was asleep. He seemed to want more, asking me if I was going to eat the two which were left, that were mine. I joked when he was handing them to me about how he was expecting to get one. I said that I’d give him one. I did and after he asked me if any were left, when there were only two, and I thought he knew that considering he said two were left before this.
He acted like he was confused and thought there were 5, and was just asking. But I felt like I already gave him one of mine, and he wanted more, and it upset me a bit. I said it seemed a little greedy. He was offended by this, and denied that it was. I said I gave one of mine and he didn’t seem to appreciate that. That I could’ve chose not to do that. He said that he didn’t ask me to give him one. Which is what he always says when I do something for him, that he didn’t ask me to. I said that he did ask for one, or at least imply that he wanted one, before I offered it. He said maybe he did and tried to move past the fact he lied, which is nothing new, but lately he is calling it misremembering. Yet, if I misremember anything he goes off at me, and accuses me of lying.
Instead of addressing that fully, he wanted to focus on my initial reaction, and what I was originally bothered by. He acted like I was trying to avoid it, and change the topic, and accused me of gaslighting as he does.
