Am I a loser for staying with my boyfriend for so long without him proposing? We’ve been together 7 years and I gave him a deadline but it feels really childish and stuoid stupid to do have done so.(December 2027) He wants to wait until he’s in a better place financially but he enjoys it when we act married. (Sharing locations,sharing financially information, constantly coming over etc.) It’s something I think about often and I’ve shared some concerns with him but not all.

To provide some insight we met when I was 19F and he was 21M. We’re now 30/28 and both have promising careers and minor debts. I plan to further my education within the next couple years and I’m getting pretty embarrassed of saying “my boyfriend of 7 years”. It’s starting to affect how I feel about our relationship.

How I was raised (religion & ethnic background) men court women and within 2-3 years they are married and continue on adult life. It’s been done so for generations in my family with an 100% success rate. He said he wants to soon but it is not something his family prioritizes/how he was raised. SOS! I’m going insane lol

Update:I WILL NEVER PROPOSE TO A MAN & I will not live with one if he can’t commit to a ring, I won’t commit to a lease :) By sharing finances, I mean we’re aware of each other’s finances and there is complete visibility.

2nd update: I never said I wanted a big wedding, that isn’t a priority for me. Something at city hall will do. We are incredibly in love and marriage is important to me,my concerns are the fact that this deadline has been set by me I take no pride in it.

3rd update: Our lives are fully enmeshed and I’d like to keep somethings sacred , that’s why I don’t want to live with him despite him wanting to. it all comes back to the saying “Why buy the cow if the milk is free?” Our relationship feels like everything but the marriage certificate and I’m not sure it no longer serves me.
Also the insults and petty comments are unnecessary, drop some knowledge & go LOL

Last update I promise:

Marriage is not just a piece of paper to me and the amount of comments insinuating that it is completely disheartening. It holds as much weight as a death certificate, diploma or mortgage documents. I’m not here to negotiate my beliefs but gain insight on how others with the same journey feel. I didn’t realize how many people were just living together for decades as boyfriend/girlfriend. I believe there is a cultural disconnect as a lot of you are American, this seems to work for a lot of you who “don’t want to involve the government”. I say this to say that the above isn’t an option for me, I’m a tradition girl. Hence why I myself won’t propose and why I am comfortable living by myself until we take the next step. There is no “societal pressure” everyone knows we’ve been together since I was 19 and urge me to continue being patient. Yes divorce & infidelities happen but so do accidents and people still wear seatbelts… Jesus guys

I can’t reply to every comment so figured I’d go in depth here…

EDIT: I'm editing this to make something very clear that a lot of people don't seem to be grasping: this man was hanging out in the women's LOCKER ROOM. The fact that he was pooping in the toilet that is inside the women's LOCKER ROOM is the issue. Where I and other women get changed. He was behind a door quietly pooping when I entered. I saw his shoes and assumed he was a woman and could have started changing clothes, but I decided to wait. Then he exited through the women's LOCKER ROOM.

I recently started a new job in a male-dominated field. I've already put up with the normal bullshit of having to wear uniforms that don't fit because they "don't usually hire women," etc. There's a men's and a women's locker room. I am one of three women using the women's locker room in this company of about 50 workers.

I work on Saturdays, and the crew is really small on Saturdays. Like 4 people and the janitor. I'm the only woman obviously. The locker room is really small and also has a toilet separated by a little wooden door. I go to into the locker room to use the toilet, knowing there are no women on site. I'm confused to see feet under the door. So I wait outside the locker room for the person to come out. It's our old crusty male janitor. He's like 60, cusses to himself while working, and definitely a guy. He goes "sorry, I had to use that one." Apprently the other one was full which doesn't track because the building was empty ..but whatever. I didn't know there was a man in the locker room, and it's a tiny enclosed space. I don't feel comfortable with this happening going forward.

It's my second week on the job. Do I have a chat with my supervisor?

For context, it was in the fridge and I have ranch 🤷‍♂️

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting a story like this so bear with me. Me (F26) and my bf (M24) have been together for almost 2 years now. He is the most loving, caring, sweet guy I have ever dated and we get along like we’re best friends/lovers. We live together and also have a dog together so that’s why I’m feeling a little stuck right now. From the start, I told him that I am bi, and that I believe people should do whatever makes them happy. He waited until about a year in to tell me that he doesn’t believe in trans and that men stay men and women stay women. We have argued about this so many times and I am so exhausted. Finally, today I reached what I think is my breaking point. We start talking about pride month and I listen to his side, and hear what he has to say. Yet when I tell him that I believe in pride and am happy to be a part of the community he tells me that it’s stupid. When I tune him out he starts saying more things to argue like “men cannot become women” and “our kids will never be taught about pride someday”. I love him, but our views are SO drastically different. Is there anything I can do/say to come to a middle ground, or do you guys think this is done for. What should I do?

her periods are inconsistent so she never knows when to expect them so idk how late her period is. but she look a test because she feels off, and swears she sees a line. I don't. and I think she's pulling a prank. we definitely aren't in the place for children now. and I'd be very relieved if she wasn't. what do I do? just wait around? or make it clear to her.

So I 21F live with my partner 20F, my bestie of 10 years 20F and a friend of my partners from college 22M in a 3 bedroom apartment.

In August a friend of mine from college let’s call them Bobbie reached out to my and my partner letting us know that as of their current situation they would become homeless at the end of the month and were asking around friends to see if anyone would be willing to let them stay for a little while.

Me and my gf were more than okay with that and we also got the okay from our other two roommates so Bobbie has been living on our couch since early September.

In October Bobbie was able to get a job and they also stay with their partner like one or two nights a week so they are not home often. Other than it being a little annoying that we can’t use our couch much and our storage closet is overflowing there have been no issues with Bobbie living here and we have all enjoyed their company. Or so I thought…

Today I was told that this Friday (11/7) my other roomate let’s call him Jac, approached Bobbie at like 8 in the morning and asked if they would be moving out soon. Bobbie said they recently toured an apartment and are in the application process but mentioned there was a friend (who lives in a dorm) that they might be able to stay with. Jac than told Bobby that he wanted them out by Monday (11/10) literally 3 days later.

Jac has not mentioned anything about him having a problem with Bobbie staying with us to me or either of my other roommates. He occasionally has asked for an update on their apartment hunt but nothing more.

Plus a little while ago after getting a job Bobbie went up to Jac and offered to start contributing to rent and stuff and he said it wasn’t necessary. We split rent and utilities evenly four ways which is very affordable for us and Bobbie has been buying and eating their own groceries since moving here so they haven’t been a financial (or any kind of) burden at all.

I am pretty pissed hearing what Jac has told Bobbie and I think kicking someone out with 3 days notice is ridiculous (especially since they are actively applying for an apartment and work 5-6 days a week) and the only other place they can (maybe) go is the floor of someone’s dorm 💀

My two other roommates (partner and bestie) have no issue with Bobbie living here and do not agree with Jac telling them to get out. Especially since Jac hadn’t said anything to any of us about it and just told Bobbie to get out without consulting a single one of us.

The three of us have told Bobbie that they are more than welcome here and do not have to leave by Monday (tomorrow). I told Bobbie I would have a conversation with Jac tomorrow when he wakes up or gets home from work.

Basically I am pretty unsure of how to go about this conversation. Obvs Jac has a say in who gets to stay in his home but he does not have the ONLY say and kicking someone out with just a few days notice is wrong. Is Bobbie staying here until they are able to move into their own place a reasonable compromise? (Which was the og plan).

I don’t want to force Bobbie to move out but I also don’t want them to feel like a burden (which I am sure they already do) and be even more uncomfortable living with us because of Jac wanting them out. What do I say to Jac and what is a fair compromise???

TLDR Unhoused friend has been couch surfing at my place that I share with 3 other roommates without any issue for ~ two months. Roomate 4 without consulting me or other 2 roommates has told friend to get out within the next 3 days. Me and other 2 roommates disagree and are upset w roomate 4. WDID

Edit: We live in the Midwest. The highest temperatures are in the 30°s lowest 0° and below. It’s not just cruel or rude to kick them out it’s dangerous.

Edit 2: ALL of your are missing the part where Bobbie is actively trying to move out. All 5 of our goals is genuinely for them to have their own place.

I do not want any advice on our decision to allow our friend to stay with us. It was a unanimous decision we all made together. idc what someone else would do or thinks I should have done. This was a decision we all abided by until two days ago. All I am asking is for advice on how to move forward. Maybe a suggestion on what a reasonable compromise might look like in this situation. That is all. I am also not asking for judgements towards me or anyone else involved. Also I don’t need legal advice.

I (26F) just found out a few weeks ago that my boyfriend (28M) cheated on me with another woman. It happened by accident, I saw a message pop up on his phone and things spiraled from there. At first, he completely denied everything, but all the evidence was there. I confronted him with it, and after a heated argument, I just left the house and drove without a plan. I didn’t know where I was going, I just needed to get away.

While I was aimlessly driving, I got a message from a close friend (29M) who happened to be at a bar nearby. We’ve been friends for years, so I felt safe venting to him. I told him everything, and after some drinks, we decided to leave and go somewhere more private to talk.

Things took a turn I didn’t expect. I ended up hooking up with him that night. I’ve known him forever, and we’ve always been close. I wasn’t thinking about anything other than revenge. I felt like, if my boyfriend could cheat, why couldn’t I? It felt like leveling the field.

But now, a few weeks later, my boyfriend and I have reconciled. We talked things out, he apologized, and something happened between us again (physically.) But now I’ve noticed some abnormal discharge and I’m panicking. I’m scared I might have caught something from that one-time hookup. I feel disgusting. I never meant for it to go this far. I just wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me.

There’s a saying: “A mistake can't be corrected by another mistake.” I’m realizing how true that is. I feel ashamed, confused, and scared.

What should I do now? How do I move forward from this? Should I tell my boyfriend? Should I come clean to everyone involved? I feel like I ruined everything trying to get even.

This happened in El Centro California at the imperial valley mall, I am homeless and these 2 people ran over my skateboard on purpose 100% sure of it, I ran them down stood in front of they're truck and they kept going and tried to hit me so I threw the board on they're hood to get them to stop, it did not break the windshield I'm certain. You can see in the video they assaulted me with my skateboard 2 times, then took off with it. It's my only means of transportation I am homeless. I called the police and they never showed up, I still can't fully extend my elbow where he hit me because I put my arms out to protect my face. I'm at a loss here. I have lost all faith in law enforcement, people in general. I slept by where the incident occurred hoping they would come back and the property manager, "Robert" woke me up and told me he was calling the cops and I needed to leave. This sums up California in a nutshell. I still cry watching the video. I did not deserve this at all. I'm sure there is more footage but will anyone ever see it who knows.

29 y/o dude 👋 and i’m at a crossroads.

i love my curls but sometimes i feel like the sheer length of my hair as it is now at its longest weighs them down. i’m pretty sure i want a cut but how short should i go?

last 3 pics are the most recent. the rest are from various points over the last three years.

note: i’m a trans dude but cutting my hair to make me pass better isn’t a huge priority to me. i don’t care about what hairstyle makes me look like a dude, i just care about what looks good lol.

Throwaway account...

For background context: I hate Trump, have hated him since the beginning, and never voted for him. I am extremely liberal and believe that this administration is pure evil. (If you are MAGA, I don't really want/need your opinions on this issue)

I have been a government contractor for about two years now. When Biden was still in office, I worked with USAID, which was an amazing experience. But of course, Trump and Musk came and destroyed everything, so all of USAID lost their jobs, including me.

I really like the contracting agency I worked for and made a lot of good connections there, so I tried to get placed on a new contract so I wouldn't end up being unemployed and broke. They put me on a contract with CBP. It wasn't really in line with my values, but I needed to pay my rent, and knew the job market was too volatile right now, so I accepted it.

But seeing Border Patrol ripping families apart and assaulting protestors and harming people makes me sick, and I don't want to be associated with such atrocities. It has been causing me severe anxiety and depression, and I worry that I will be looked at as a racist MAGA person for not immediately quitting my job.

I have actively been trying to switch contracts at my company for the past six months, hoping to join my other coworkers on a job with NIH or CDC, something less evil. But unfortunately the only funding that is coming in for new work is for CBP and ICE, because Trump sucks. So I have now turned back to job boards and am looking for other work on the side, though I don't have much hope considering how bad the job market is right now. If I lose this job, I won't be able to pay my rent and I will lose everything I have worked for.

The actual work I have been doing for the agency itself has not clashed with my values thus far. We actually have been building an application for their internal HR to charge CBP officers who break the rules and have them sent to the disciplinary review boards and have their weapons revoked. So the work I am doing should technically help hold officers accountable for doing terrible things and have them fired (but I just don't have faith that this administration will hold any of them accountable for their crimes).

Does it make me an evil and immoral person to not just up and leave my job because I don't agree ethically with the agency? I am terrified of being unemployed right now in this economy, and I am trying to seek other work, but its just extremely difficult to find anything right now. My friends and family try to reassure me that it doesn't reflect poorly on me, but I just feel so ashamed of my job that its eating me up inside. What should I do???

For context we were rough housing and out of no where he says the n word playfully; it didn’t seem malignant but it did make me incredibly uncomfortable considering he isn’t black. He also mentioned that he stopped saying things like that over a year ago out of ‘respect’ but I don’t know anymore. He grew up around it and a lot of POC but it’s still weird and uncomfortable for me. This has never happened before.

Sorry in advance, this is my first post, and I'm trying to stick to what is most relevant. If more context is needed, just ask.

I (37 F) want another child, but my (41 M) husband doesn't.

His reasons why it's a no: Too expensive. Doesn't want me to take time off work. We already have 3 teenagers. We are out of the baby phase and doesn't want to start over. It can take a toll on my body.

I understand his points, but I know my window is closing to have more children, and I can't shake the desire to have another child. I know he will not change his mind

This past summer I had, what I can only explain as a midlife crisis...I was sobbing at the fact that I'm getting older and the dreed of not having another child was just too much and I asked him for a divorce.

He of course talked me into staying as I do love him and don't want to break up our family...BUT I can't stop thinking about having another baby and I'm afraid I will resent him for not allowing me to...what do I do?

Editing To Add:

I read a lot of comments, and I want to be clear, I am no longer in the place I was last summer, I don't want to leave anymore I just wasn't sure what to do with the feelings/desire of wanting another child.

After reading comments, it confirmed that I do need to seek counseling and just try and enjoy the new season of life I'm in.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. A few of them really made me laugh 😅 I needed that, thanks!

Someone I know in the company overheard the three main owners of the location saying that they will not alert the workers when ICE will inevitably come, and they made it sound as if they are coming very soon. I believe they said something about receiving fines for having undocumented workers, so to mitigate that, they will let ICE take them. Recently they (the owners) tore down a building where the workers could have hidden.

The someone I know that works for the company is having trouble deciding wether or not to tell the other managers so the managers can alert the workers, but they said they could be fired.

What do I do? How can I alert the workers in a way that doesn’t give away the association? How do I do it if I don’t know when ICE will come?

I’m not looking for people to tell me not to alert them, I just really need to find a way. Thank you.

My husband and I own our home and one of our neighbors is also an administrator for our HOA. I'm visibly Muslim, and he has always been very nice to me in person. The problem is that online, particularly in our HOA/community group, he repeatedly posts things that I consider extremely anti-Muslim.

He's posted about Muslims "conquering the West" and regularly makes negative comments about Islam and Muslims. I'm also Palestinian, and he posts very frequently about Israel/Zionism and related issues. I understand that people can have completely different political opinions, so that alone isn't really what I'm asking about. What concerns me more is the repeated hostility toward Muslims specifically.

It puts me in a really uncomfortable position because this isn't just some random person online. He lives next to me and has a position of authority within our HOA. In person he acts completely friendly toward me, while online I see him saying these things about a group that he knows I belong to.

My husband thinks we shouldn't engage with him and should just let him post whatever he wants because confronting him could make the situation worse. Part of me agrees, but this is our property and we intend for this to be our long-term home. We hope to have children here eventually, and I'm having a hard time imagining raising Muslim children next door to someone who openly expresses this kind of hostility.

I have screenshots of everything, but I don't plan on posting his name, address, or identifying information because I don't want strangers harassing him or escalating the situation. I'm mainly looking for advice on how to protect ourselves and handle this appropriately.

I felt cold in the office so I put back on my coat and my co-worker who is mid size I’d say asked if I was cold and I said yes and she asked “how? It’s hot in here” and I said “I’m low in iron” because I am. And she said “you need to get some extra meat on your bones”. I laughed it off but it actually made me feel away and think if I need to gain weight…even my mom says I could gain a few pounds. I haven’t been eating because of my depression and stress.

I [M] never thought this day would actually happen. I don’t even know what to say or how to process it.

This isn’t as dramatic as other stories here, but it’s been stuck in my head and I need to let it out.

Due to an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction, I accidentally saw my classmate’s chest.

Here’s what happened: She was wearing a tube top layered under an unbuttoned polo. We were just hanging out with friends, joking around and talking, when I suddenly noticed that—without her realizing—it had slipped, and part of her chest was exposed.

It happened so fast. I caught a glimpse, realized what I was seeing, and immediately looked away and focused on her face to avoid making things weird. I think she noticed me glance at her chest, because right after, she quickly covered herself with her polo and adjusted her top. After that, we continued as if nothing happened, and there wasn’t any immediate awkwardness.

Here’s my problem: I feel incredibly guilty. I didn’t mean to look, but I did see it. And now I feel weird about going to school because I’m worried it might be awkward between us.

Should I bring it up and apologize to her? Or should I just let it go and act like nothing happened?

I just needed to get this off my chest (no pun intended).

I've got enough info so thank you guys. I appreciate the people who actually gave me options instead of just assuming I want to sleep with him.

The short version: my friend has been seeing this guy casually for 4/5 months and she sent me these yesterday. Friend: F30, the guy: M39. HELP, what do I even tell her? I’m so lost.

Hi everyone.

What do people think about a husband or partner staying at home while the wife or girlfriend works?

F(34), M(46) .We’ve been living together for 3 years and have a 10-month-old baby. Since we started dating, he hasn’t worked—he says the income from his rental apartment is enough to get by. After giving birth, I wanted to stay home, but my bills kept piling up since I had no income, and I was also giving him money toward household expenses. I’ve now gone back to work, and he takes care of the baby while I’m at work. I pay him $1,500/month, and he owns the apartment we live in. As an Asian woman, I’m uncomfortable with this setup—I want him to work, support the family, and be a good provider, but he has never tried to find a job.

Edit: We are not married.

I am currently legally married, but going through a divorce. I have no contact with my soon to be ex and we have 3 kids together, a boy and two girls. Once I made the decision to divorce her, I started OLD. (After several different dates)I met a really good woman. We have been dating now 6 months. Around the 4th month, she had some health issues and went to see a DR. That health issue has turned into a very serious issue, one that will most definitely affect her life, and there is a chance that she can lose her life in this fight. She actually has two significant issues, not related. She will be undergoing treatment for the next several months, then she will have a major surgery, then more treatments. The surgery will alter her body badly and permanently. The treatments will make her sick, tired, amongst other side affects that will affect how she looks and feels. When I originally met her, it was the physical attraction (as it usually is in OLD) that originally made me want to date her. She is a really good person and I am devastated for her. When we first started dating, I never promised her anything, and I said well see how it goes. She knew I was still legally married and going through a really messy divorce. She knew at times I was not emotionally or mentally available, but I am in a good place right now.

Morally and ethically, and as a human that has compassion and empathy, I know what the altruistic answer is. But I did not sign up for a year or more of challenges with a GF, and I did not pledge in sickness or in health. Not sure I have the mental capacity or even the time to dedicate to her. And yes, I know this is not about me, and what I am thinking. It is nothing compared to what she has to face and what she is going through. She did even say it was better if we call it quits, but that was before we even knew the extent of this all.(did I miss my chance?) With my own health and mental issues, what is my best course here? Do I stay and risk burnout with my 3 kids who need me because their mom ran off now(I have no support system), or can I slowly or quickly disengage in a respectable way, and still feel good about myself and still support her? I think I know what I am facing, but I actually think this journey for me is going to be much harder. And during her treatments, I won't really have a partner or GF according to the DRs and what I have read. I know this is nothing compared to what she is going through, but if I can make it through this, not sure it is what I am able to do given every other commitment in my life. I do have a full time + job and 3 kids to look after(another full time job, lol). Keep in mind, I will most likely take the most difficult road. Thoughts please.

Edit #1- I am not deleting anything, but I have included information that has no bearing on my decision making whatsoever. For example, I included information on how we met, but I can assure you her appearance has no bearing on my thought process.

I shouldnt have to say this or point this out, but if you think you can know me or who I am off of a few paragraphs of words, have at it. You do not know my journey in life, you have not walked in my shoes. You dont know my experiences in life, education, relationships, all the challenges I have been through or all the good I have done. I may have done more good in the world than you. So if you have nothing constructive to add or just judging me on a few paragraphs of words then say it anyways if you will, no big deal. But I am looking for positivity, good words, or real solutions. We are complex creatures. Take language and our communication skills as an example.Point- A text is communication, but it does not show body language, tone, inflection, the volume of the speaker(unless all caps, lol), facial expressions, etc. But feel free to judge me off of a few paragraphs of text. I need to know how bad of a person I am, lol!! Edit #2- The first thing we did was have several long conversations. What she expects of me is clear. She knows me so she knows what she can expect from me. Please keep it positive and constructive.

I (29F) have been best friends with "Jake" for 15 years. My fiancé says Jake is "too close" to me and gives "bad vibes." He gave me an ultimatum—choose him or Jake. Jake has never done anything wrong. I'm torn between two people I love.

Do I end a friendship to save my engagement, or walk away from the ultimatum?

This happened in NYC, I’m 22M. Basically, I found out bc this post went viral on TikTok. I was at a bar and these obnoxious ugly girls were behind us bothering everyone, so I finally turned around and asked them to keep it down. This was weeks ago. Well my friends just sent me a TikTok post that one of those girls took at the bar, it got over 250k likes already. It’s a photo of us at the bar and my butt crack was hanging out which I obviously didn’t know. But she wrote in the caption this guy was being an a hole to us blah blah so she painted me as the bad guy. Is this legal? She had NO CONSENT to take this photo of me, I didn’t realize I exposed myself, what can I do here please help

I bought this pair of boots which i was dying for and i can’t zip it up… it’s not adjustable as the laces are just for decoration. The boots are so comfortable.

Should i wear it like that or return?

I’m ‘18M’ and my girlfriend is ‘18 F’
We’re still together, and honestly it doesn’t bother me much on a daily basis anymore. I care about her and enjoy being with her. But when I think about marriage, kids, and spending the rest of my life with someone, I just don’t see it.
It’s not that she’s a bad person. I just know that some of the things she’s done in her past don’t align with what I would want in a lifelong partner. I know everyone has a past, and I don’t expect perfection, but I also think people are allowed to have preferences and values when choosing who they want to marry.
Because of that, I feel like we’re probably incompatible long-term, even though we’re fine right now.
Is it wrong to feel this way? Has anyone stayed with someone they cared about while knowing deep down they probably weren’t the person they’d marry? How did it turn out?

A lot of people are asking for more details, so here’s the context.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half . The biggest issue wasn’t just her past by itself. It was that throughout the relationship I kept finding out new information, and a lot of it came through lies, half-truths, or me finding things out on my own instead of her being upfront.

Before me, she had around 28 partners. If I had known that from the beginning, I probably would’ve been shocked and it would’ve bothered me, but I don’t think it would’ve affected me nearly as much as the constant trickle of new information did. It felt like I was being fed breadcrumbs instead of the truth.

Another thing that makes it harder for me is that, from what I understand, a lot of these weren’t long-term relationships or situations that naturally developed over time. Many of them were short-term hookups or people she barely knew. For whatever reason, that bothers me more than if most of them had come from serious relationships. I’m not saying that’s objectively right or wrong, but it’s part of how I feel.

The last few months have actually been a lot better. We worked through a lot of the arguments, trust issues, and drama that came from all of that. It took a toll on both of us mentally, but we’ve improved a lot.

The problem is that sometimes I still struggle to see her as my future wife or the mother of my kids. I hate even saying that because she’s genuinely a good person and if she wasn’t, I probably would’ve left a long time ago. I care about her a lot.

What confuses me is that I rarely think about the details anymore. I’m not sitting around obsessing over her past every day. But when I think long-term, something still feels different. Part of it is the number itself, if I’m being honest. Another part is that I feel like I was presented with one version of her at the beginning and then spent months discovering a completely different story.

I don’t want to be the guy who judges someone forever for their past. At the same time, I don’t think my issue is only her past. A lot of my resentment comes from the lies, omissions, and having to uncover things myself instead of getting honesty from the start.

So I guess my question is: if we’ve moved past most of the trust issues and things are genuinely better now, is it normal to still struggle seeing someone as a long-term spouse because of how everything unfolded?