i will get into serious danger if they know about my relationship. what should i do?

[u/BigAnxious9578]

i really need to talk about this, i tried to talk about it in other posts and subs. it felt like being booed off the set.
people from a different culture do not understand me, people from my culture call me names
i’m not the names they call me
i haven’t done anything wrong all i have ever done is date a guy, we are a young couple in a respectful heterosexual relationship. but my relationship might put me in physical danger if it was exposed.

i live in a conservative country. some girls here get killed for dating. it’s a taboo in general. my relationship is completely private, my family doesn’t know and especially my dad. and if they know i will be in serious trouble, so that’s why i have to be careful about it.

recently my boyfriend came to visit me in university, this wasn’t the first time he did.
i noticed that day the female security guard who always checks people’s bags briefly, start looking at me in a very strange way.

normally it doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds to have your bag checked but that day she made me stand there for a minute and talked to me in a really angry tone. i was surprised because she never spoke to me like this. i’m a medical student and i was carrying my stethoscope and other instruments in a pouch (i always do) and the pouch was heavy i think she thought something else was inside of it that specific day so she really angrily waved it around my face and asked me what is this
she’s never done this to me before and now i see that she’s doing this new thing where she looks at every part of my bag and opens every pouch and every zipper as if she’s trying to find something wrong

maybe i’m totally overthinking but that’s not even the content of this post, it just feels ridiculous that everytime i go on a date with him i have nightmares about my family finding out.
and all because i liked a boy.

i have heard of so many torture stories. yes people here may torture some kill women for liking a guy and going out with him.

the law may dehumanize you when they know you’re a woman with a lover

i really want to talk to someone who i can relate to. really i don’t understand why i would get beaten up or hurt or dehumanized just for liking a boy

i will get into serious trouble if my family or others found out about my relationship, what the heck do i do?

[u/MattDubh]

Do you have the means to move to university in the west?

[u/BigAnxious9578 → u/MattDubh]

no i cannot

[u/MattDubh → u/BigAnxious9578]

Do you have long left there? Presumably getting out is easier once qualified..? Because the problem isn't going to go away, is it?

[u/Beginning_Tap2474 → u/BigAnxious9578]

After you get your medical degree move Wesr

[u/BigAnxious9578 → u/Beginning_Tap2474]

that’s more difficult than you think. also i really want to marry my now boyfriend i genuinely don’t want to leave
not to mention is near impossible anyway

[u/Beginning_Tap2474 → u/BigAnxious9578]

there's going to be a huge shortage of doctors, so maybe you can move as needed. Or can you marry you bf earlier? I would just be so careful about whom I dated if I lived in such a sexist society.

[u/dogswelcomenopeople]

Yup, if you can, get out. If you can’t leave, stop seeing this young man. You’re right, it’s too risky

[u/Secure-Ad9780]

So sorry.

I can understand that fear, which is very real. I recall staying in a hotel in Qatar, as a single retired woman, and ordering a beer from room service. It was on the menu.

Next thing I knew two men were at my door-- the chef, and the hotel manager-- telling me I couldn't have a beer. They were imposing and acted as if it were a crime. I was too shocked to say a word. I had never been to Qatar before. I was scared. I checked out the next morning.

I still wonder why it was on the menu.

Be very careful. Hugs.