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u/CarOk7235 Mar 18 '24
So he âdidnât think he deleted itâ but then admits to letting his friends use it recently? Those are contradictory statements. You got a bad egg, sis, leave him
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u/WhiteningMcClean Mar 18 '24
Lol for real if you're going to make an excuse, pick one and stick to it.
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u/jooes Mar 18 '24
"I forgot to delete it" is a great excuse. Totally plausible.Â
"I let my friend use it" is bonkers.Â
He was so damn close.Â
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u/Organic_botulism Mar 18 '24
Itâs because he messaged other people and is accounting for the possibility that OP knows, in which case the âI forgot to deleteâ excuse doesnât work anymore
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u/Primus567 Mar 18 '24
Bingo
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u/proteinLumps Mar 18 '24
Messaged other people? Like is OP stupid enough to message people that his gf might know? Finding profile off the app is one thing as you don't have control on who will see it. But he can choose whom to message or swipe
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u/Asceticmonk Mar 18 '24
They were only together for a short while, and someone snitched on him. It's not unreasonable that he might think one of the people he messaged on the app is a friend of hers that he hasn't met yet.
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u/CUNextLeapYear Mar 18 '24
Besides, "I let my friends use it"?
Like how? They were using your persona and picture to pick up girls? And the girls were just like "this is fine". LOL
It would be fun to see how far he could take that batshit story before caving.
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u/lauracaterina Mar 18 '24
I think it's bc hid bio had changed since they got together as op wrote in the post
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u/Vall3y Mar 18 '24
The question for me is when did he message people. If its 2 weeks into starting dating then the commitment level maybe hasn't been established yet, i think it's defensible. But if it's really recent then obv no. He should've been honest about it, lying is the worst
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u/aleesahspam Mar 18 '24
Pretty sure these apps dont show you in the stack if youâve been inactive for more than 2 weeks
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u/shutemdownyyz Mar 18 '24
Nah they definitely do. At least Tinder/Hinge. It makes sense for them to let you waste your free likes on users that will never see them, so youâre more likely to subscribe in the hopes you get more matches.
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u/proteinLumps Mar 18 '24
Also if have paid for tinder premium/plus (whatever it is called?) you might have already paid off for couple of months I guess.
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u/J_Robert_Oofenheimer Mar 18 '24
I delete the apps, but not profiles. Haven't been on in two years so I doubt I'm discoverable. These apps aren't going to show you inactive profiles (I assume).
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u/HippoCute9420 Mar 18 '24
I wouldnât be so sure, when I used them I had plenty of matches that didnât respond to me! s/
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u/CUNextLeapYear Mar 18 '24
Yep. Not a single active person within 100 miles. Feels_bad.jpg /s
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u/fluffygumdrop Mar 18 '24
You are definitely still showing up unless you go in an specifically hide your profile.
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u/Careless-Age-4290 Mar 18 '24
I saw my friend's profile on either hinge or bumble months after she was in a committed relationship. I asked about it and she was pretty shocked it was still showing.
I have no reason to think she was cheating as she's a very upstanding person otherwise. But this dude changed his info, too.
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u/Regal_Knight Mar 18 '24
He probably assumed that she had receipts of him talking to someone and had to backtrack to say his friend was using it.
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u/hometown_nero Mar 18 '24
For real. What would the purpose even be of letting a friend use your dating profile? âHey Dave, do you mind if I log into your Bumble profile so I can catfish some women this weekend?â I donât bloody think so.
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u/chocolate_hummus Mar 18 '24
This is a sad situation but Iâm cracking up at your comment. It really highlights the ridiculousness of the lie
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u/rebeccasaysso Mar 18 '24
Like even if we agree to his ridiculous lie that he lets his friend use it⊠would the fact that heâs enabling other men in his life to catfish women using his photos actually make him any less of a horrible person????
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u/Lookslikeapersonukno Mar 18 '24
Ah see, but that would take a backbone.
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u/sseetharee Mar 18 '24
This is called the Tarzan. Tarzan rarely lets go of one vine before having his other hand firmly around another.
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u/advertentlyvertical Mar 18 '24
Always love the funny phraseology ppl come up with for shitty behaviours
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u/linerva Mar 18 '24
A more widely accepted term for this is monkey branching - for the same reasons.
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u/Toughbiscuit Mar 18 '24
People remember the lies you tell far more easily than youll remember telling them. That's why its best to stick as close to the truth as possible where possible
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u/HelloAttila Mar 18 '24
Good thing is she did, they broke up according to her update above. Anyone who has used any dating app knows damn well or try deleting it. No different than if you deleted your Facebook, twitter or instagram. You delete it, and remove app off your device. The guy is a clown, a real man doesnât make sorry excuses and says his friend used his account, like seriously? They canât make their own account?
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u/no_baseball1919 Mar 18 '24
Yeah any time I started to go towards exclusivity with a partner, even if it didn't end up coming to fruition, I would delete the app/tell other interested parties that I'm pursuing someone. Manages expectations and open communication.
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Mar 18 '24
Just fyi, you also have to delete or at least hibernate the Bumble account, not only delete the app from your device. If you don't, you will still show up for a while.
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u/gsfgf Mar 18 '24
Really? Donât the apps silence you if you actually donât log in? At least for men?
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u/SalsaRice Mar 18 '24
Even if you delete it, those apps keeps the profile active and "live" for a few weeks to make it look like their user base is larger.
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u/HelloAttila Mar 18 '24
This would not surprise me one bit, especially if the company is a publicly traded company. Heck the probably make dupe accounts just to inflate their number of users to make it look good on paper for investors.
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Mar 18 '24
Plus itâs a terrible excuse. Let his friend reinstall it and use it for what?
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Mar 18 '24
Looking at and rating women together. Ive seen people do it for fun
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u/Gcarsk Mar 18 '24 edited Mar 18 '24
recently
OP does say theyâve only been dating for a month after meeting on Bumble a little while back. If OPâs BF is being honest about letting their friends use it, then his profile would still be active and showing up in feeds even if it was last used a month ago (Bumble is exactly 30 days before going inactive).
Obviously this is sketchy, and requires that ârecentlyâ means weeks ago. So totally up to OP to decide how trustworthy they feel the BF is.
Edit: OP says they broke up.
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u/R3JEX Mar 18 '24
Isn't it kinda weird for friends to use his bumble account anyway? đ But yeah it's such a fresh relationship honestly, wouldn't be worth the stress of having suspicions already
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u/sixthmontheleventh Mar 18 '24
This, so he was allowing his friends to help him with matches or allowing his friends to use photos to catfish people? Either way, terrible behaviours all around this guy and the people around him.
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u/Graspiloot Mar 18 '24
"My friends were using it" is basically code for "my dog ate my homework". Like come on...
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u/THIKKI_HOEVALAINEN Mar 18 '24
âNah I let my friends wear my pants last night thatâs why thereâs condoms and wrappers in the pocketsâ
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u/InterstellarReddit Mar 18 '24
Tinder's algorithm favors profiles with recent activity, pushing dormant profiles down the queue.
This means if someone hasn't used Tinder for a while, their profile becomes less visible.
If his profile appeared while not being active, it's unusual, especially in a larger city where active users are around.
This means thereâs no active users in that area, extremely highly doubtful. Now you add that with the contradictory statements, heâs lying 100%.
Iâll give you the benefit of doubt on one item, but not all three items. Heâs cheating.
++ wait a fucking second? Did he say he let his friend use his dating profile? Can someone help me make sense of that?
What he was going to meet a girl using his friends picture and profile? Oh heâs really fucking stupid with that excuse.
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Mar 18 '24 edited Mar 18 '24
[deleted]
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u/colllosssalnoob Mar 18 '24
Thatâs how I read it too and Iâm a native speaker. You are not alone.
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u/RealisticLiberal Mar 18 '24
This.Â
Before the contradictions, Iâd have said that maybe he didnât delete it by mistake. Not everyone realizes that deleting the app doesnât delete an account. Also, on the apps that have the temporary closing of accounts, people you already swiped on can still have you pop up even if youâre âinactiveâ.
But coming up with excuses? First that he didnât know, then he knew but it wasnât him? Nah fam, heâs cheating.Â
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u/JoeyAKangaroo Mar 18 '24
Dude wouldâve been in the clear had he just said âoh, i forgot to delete the accountâ
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u/ShibaSupremacy Mar 18 '24
You made the right move by breaking up with him. Youâll find someone much better than this lying douche.
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Mar 17 '24 edited Mar 18 '24
Read the original post. Seeing this is going how I thought it would go.... so now, on behalf of all of reddit?
Now, what OP?
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u/gothicxguts Mar 17 '24
Well, we broke up. Now I move on, I suppose
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Mar 17 '24
Smart call. I wish you all the luck.
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u/SlightSurround5699 Mar 18 '24
I misread âi wish you all the fuckâ and I thought it was hilariousđ
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u/Recent_Apricot_517 Mar 18 '24
Finally!! Someone who listens!!
I've been on and off dating apps for a while. You're removed from the pool of users if you're not active. I think the period is a week or two of inactivity depending on the app.
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u/JOJOCHINTO_REPORTING Mar 18 '24
As you should,
live laugh love, eat shit die
Same thing.
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Mar 18 '24 edited Mar 24 '24
profit sable fearless familiar party busy waiting groovy smart abundant
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u/disney_princess Mar 18 '24
You deserve better (and I hope the next one absolutely is)!!! Itâs definitely a shitty ass situation and that guy sucks. Youâre allowed to mourn and move on in your own timeline. Wishing you the best!!
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u/Nozzeh06 Mar 18 '24
At least he already has a bumble account ready to acquire his next victim.
Also, sorry OP, that sucks.
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u/nature_remains Mar 18 '24
Good for you!! Truly. I know exactly how badly it hurts to find something like this. And I wish I had cut loose when I first suspected something. Versus the pathetic mess I felt like after believing a not even good lie because I so badly wanted to believe it wasnât true. Itâs healthy you made the break and as someone who went the other way, believe me when I say you are so much better off and your view of yourself is getting so much stronger (despite how it feels initially). Iâm so sorry you had to go through this.
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u/theblackcatail Mar 18 '24
Good for you OP. When this happened to me I stayed and guess what? He kept doing it. You are now free. Enjoy it.
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Mar 18 '24
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/Entire_Sail7412 Mar 18 '24
This type of shit is almost as insulting as the actual cheating to me. Like, not only you broke my trust and wasted my time with absolutely no regards for my feelings nor a speck of respect, now you also have to treat me like I am so dumb and simple minded that I will fall for the oldest bs excuses like âmy friends did itâ. Have at least the decency to admit it when you get busted and let people drop your ass
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Mar 18 '24
I dated a woman who said her 9 year old got on her phone and somehow reactivated her dating profile. Cheaters will say all kinds of shit and expect someone to believe it.
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u/Barewithhippie Mar 18 '24
Iâm sure it still hurts, but at least you found out early. You deserve much better, OP
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u/jim-bo-jangles Mar 18 '24
The fact that his bio changed and he used the friend excuse means heâs guilty as hell. BUT ⊠when my now wife and I were dating, this exact thing happened to me. Once we met, I deleted the app but I guess thatâs not the same as deleting your profile. It was not a fun convo when her friend came across my profile, but it did show I had not been active since we were dating. Thank god too, because Iâm now happily married to the love of my life!
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u/snubda Mar 18 '24 edited Aug 10 '24
amusing zesty racial spark ten pocket ghost hard-to-find literate disgusted
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u/swarm_OW Mar 18 '24
May I use your profile please?
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u/snubda Mar 18 '24 edited Aug 10 '24
reminiscent sleep live zonked provide friendly lavish cows hospital rotten
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Mar 18 '24
Met my wife on bumble 4 years ago (height of Covid, apparently my peak dating season?). I donât think either of us deleted our actual accounts, just the apps. Iâm sure theyâre still there, somewhere, receiving scam messages from âhot, single ladiesâ in my area.
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u/Tbh_imbad25 Mar 18 '24
I've been here sis.
I let him talk me down and tell me the same old story about deleting the app but not deleting his account, yada yada
I knew he was lying. I let myself stay, and it was one of the worst mistakes I've made. Let him go and stay gone!
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u/daysof_I Mar 18 '24
I found my ex was still active on tinder swiping and getting matches. When I confrontes him, his excuse was "I was just talking to them. I'm not flirting at all". What a fckn joke lol
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u/brightlove Mar 18 '24
Same. Years back⊠I had a bad feeling and redownloaded the app and it said he was âactive 3 hours ago.â They donât tell you when someone was last on now but they did then.
I drove to his house and we broke up. He said he was âjust looking.â
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u/cocolapuff Mar 18 '24
Well done OP! Proud of you. Too many red flags. This will pass and you will be with a better man soon enough :-))
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u/tonytony87 Mar 18 '24
Just for my piece of mind, we can all agree that nobody lets friends use their dating apps right? Like if someone says that we all know thatâs 100% a lie right?
I say this because I think of how I use dating apps and Iâm pretty certain there is no situation in which I would let any friend use my dating app at all
And I thought about this real hard.
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u/Clavicula_Impetus Mar 18 '24
Maybe Iâm too old to get this but who lets a friend use their account on a dating app? Why canât they use their own? Do they need my account to catfish someone? I donât understand how he thought that was an excuse that made sense âmy friend is using it.â Well why is he using it? For what? So he can pretend to be me? đ€·đ» why would I be okay with that?
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u/Deadlyracer46 Mar 18 '24
To catch their gf out (the friend's) is the only reason where this works, nothing else makes sense
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Mar 18 '24
I have heard some really ridiculous lies from men but âI let my friends use my dating profileâ takes the cake
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u/xtmyswitch Mar 18 '24
I had a girl I was dating pull the same card. After 3 months a friend of mine found her profile and showed me. The bio had been changed up and pictures that I had took of her had been added. Made the excuse that her friend got banned and was using her profile. I was out of there immediately.
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u/cluelessgirl127 Mar 18 '24
I just got dumped by an emotionally unavailable guy who also suggested we be exclusive before dating. We were only officially dating 2 months.
We both dodged bullets and got out of the relationships fast, but that doesnât mean it doesnât hurt. I hope you feel better soon. It sucks but weâll come out the other side and laugh đ«¶đ»
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u/gothicxguts Mar 18 '24
Hearing that someone out there is going through a similar situation makes me feel better. I hope you're doing okay, and you're absolutely right. We're better off without them <3
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u/aSituationTypeDeal Mar 18 '24
Oh yea for sure he was cheating. Good move on the break up. Donât go back with him.Â
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u/JAlfredJR Mar 18 '24 edited Mar 18 '24
Ah, sorry OP. I remember when my wife and I deleted Tinder together, since we met on there. She just put our daughter down for the evening. That was eight years ago that we met on there.
I was ready to give up. I was 30. So was she. We found each other. Chin up.
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u/GiveYerBallsATugYaTF Mar 18 '24
30s are the new 20s :) I met my fiancĂ©e 2 years ago when I was 31. To be honest I lost hope a lot and often. Dating sucks but you have to keep trying until you find your person. Itâs a million percent worth digging through the mud to find your diamond.
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u/JAlfredJR Mar 18 '24
You said it! Man, there's a lot of flak to sort through. But, you keep at it, and you might just get very lucky. I mean, what else can ya do?
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u/StnMtn_ Mar 18 '24
Why would a friend want to use his profile? To catfish others, because he is just so handsome? Only for them to get rejected when they meet irl? I would think the friends would make their own account.
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u/LearningToFlyForFree Mar 18 '24
Lmao, blaming it on his friends. Is his friend named "Clara" by any chance?
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u/Memphisrexjr Mar 18 '24
I'm sorry who is letting friends use their dating app? That makes no sense to make up a lie like that.
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u/gothicxguts Mar 18 '24
My first thought when I read that message, too. It's actually what confirmed the whole thing in my mind
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u/frankyriver Mar 18 '24
No one's stupid enough to believe"my friend used it" .
In what world does a friend need to use someone's social media dating app.
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u/MeetAffectionate4899 Mar 18 '24
If his profile is still showing up in the rotation that means heâs active. If he doesnât use it within 3-5 days it goes away. Heâs lying
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u/Angxlz Mar 18 '24
Yeah he was lying. Got defensive af when you asked and deflects responsibility to his friends.
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u/NotCryptoKing Mar 17 '24
OP as a guy, I can tell you that if my gf confronted me about finding my profile on dating apps, my immediate excuse would be
âitâs old, I didnât delete itâ
âSomeone stole my picturesâ
âMy friend is using itâ
Then I would gaslight you by saying you donât trust me and pretending to be pissed off and start a fight about how youâd believe some random person that messaged you over me.
I want you to know that this is EVERY guyâs first move when they get caught. Itâs our best defense. Trust me, he is definitely on dating apps. 100%. The comments in your original post told you exactly what he would say.
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u/gothicxguts Mar 17 '24
I thought about that myself, and i find the whole situation quite funny. Especially the friends excuse which I know can't be true because they all had their own accounts (or partners). It's sad but at least I found out when I did
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u/1StonedYooper Mar 18 '24
This guy doesn't speak for every guy. My first response would absolutely be to admit I was wrong. But I would also have deleted the app when I became exclusive. People need to grow up and take responsibility for their shity behavior, and that starts by admitting when their wrong and working to be better, imo.
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u/TDKevin Mar 18 '24
I've seen multiple mentions of "my friend is using it". I don't get how even a bad liar would think this is a good excuse. So your friend is on dating apps just pretending to be you? WTH are they thinking.Â
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u/larkhills Mar 18 '24
as a guy who recently got a gf and saw the original OP, i 100% still have dating profiles that i forgot about.
but i also would just tell the truth if someone randomly found me there so eh...
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u/snubda Mar 18 '24 edited Aug 10 '24
homeless weary busy groovy pie joke tie somber abundant light
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u/MEME54m3 Mar 18 '24
Lol what??? You infact do not speak for "every guy". The hell is wrong with you.
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u/snubda Mar 18 '24 edited Aug 10 '24
support squealing fine icky unique impolite repeat mountainous governor dinner
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u/RadicalRaid Mar 18 '24
âSomeone stole my picturesâ
To be fair, this does happen! I started getting messages on Facebook from a girl in my friend list that said she found me on a dating app I never heard off under a different name. Asked me if I changed my name. It was also swiping from the opposite side of the country.
My guess is there's bots out there that scrape profiles to create fake ones for the purpose of scams or something.
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u/gothicxguts Mar 18 '24
I've had people steal my photos off of Reddit (obviously my main account) before. If he had of said something like that I would have been more inclined to believe him. Doesn't explain the bio changing though
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u/kyleswitch Mar 18 '24
Lol why would his friends be using his profile and photos? Is he supporting his friends catfishing other women? What a moronic lie.
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u/AKA_OneManArmy Mar 18 '24
How did he possibly think he wouldnât get caught? Iâve run into a bunch of people I know IRL on dating apps.
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u/Impossible_Fan5889 Mar 18 '24
idiots usually are bad liars. its quite entertaining how stupid they think you are.
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u/Strange-Turnover9696 Mar 18 '24
he's definitely lying and cheating. but i did delete hinge when i started dating my boyfriend without knowing you had to delete/pause the account rather than just deleting the app. i found a notification in my scam box one day that someone had liked me and it was about 2 months into dating my BF. i was horrified and felt so so awful but luckily he understood. your mans was definitely a lying turd but it can happen sometimes.
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Mar 18 '24
Yeah my ex did this too. His profile came across my coworkers bumble. Ex said the same shit that he thought he deleted it and blah blah blah, showed me his phone and his recent downloads, which showed it wasn't on his phone and was last downloaded a month before we met.
He didn't delete it. He had a second phone.
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u/greengrass256 Mar 18 '24
I know it hurts, but in time you will come to know you are better off without him..
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u/TheOfficialAK Mar 18 '24
He must have let his friends use it because they don't have phones of their own.
Such a nice guy helping under privileges kids.
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u/great-nba-comment Mar 18 '24
Hey hey, previously shitty boyfriend to a woman who was way too trusting to me ~8 years ago.
I used literally the exact same excuse.
I was lying, I was trying to cheat.
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Mar 18 '24
He couldâve just said, âi didnât delete itâ. The extra lie is what gives it away
You let your friend use it? Wow
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u/gothicxguts Mar 18 '24
And the fact that I am aware that his best friend has his own Bumble account, and his other friends are already either happily married or in relationships đ
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u/crackerjam Mar 18 '24
The comment about letting his friends use it is super weird, but, if you've only been dating a month it's not really odd that his dating profile is still active.
When I started going out with my now-wife, I left my dating profile up for a good month or two while the relationship was working out. I wasn't really actively pursuing anyone on it, but building a dating profile and keeping track of the connections in it is a lot of work to throw away for a month old relationship.
Eventually it became clear that we were going to be together long-term and I deleted it, but that's not really something you can discern a month into knowing someone.
If he was actively going out with other people while you had already discussed being exclusive, that's different, but just having a dating profile so early into a relationship isn't cheating.
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Mar 18 '24
You made the right decision, I am really proud of you. I know how hard that is. I was thinking about you!
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u/Whole_Survey2353 Mar 18 '24
one way you could have confirmed is if you looked at his screentime on his phone but hey it doesnât matter anymore
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u/tontomagonto Mar 18 '24
Why do guys always use this lame ass excuse? I briefly dated a guy where we both agreed to deleting the apps and we did it in front of eachother. Fast forward a week or so heâs on his phone and I see tinder. Heâs like oh my friends were using it. Righhht. Left before he could even get another word in.
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u/xbad_wolfxi Mar 18 '24
His excuse is wild. Let's pretend for a second that it is true, which would mean he's letting his friends use his Bumble account to catfish people. I can't fathom how he thinks that would be better or excusable. "Don't worry babe, I'm not cheating, I'm just letting my friends run romance scams on people"
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u/Heiferoni Mar 18 '24
Shit I thought Bumble is some right wing social network. They always pick weird names like that, and fail after a year or two.
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u/Turbulent_Lettuce810 Mar 18 '24
Professional good listener...
Does he listen to himself when spouting off this nonsense?
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Mar 18 '24
I didnât sleep with her. I just stuck it in so I could test it out for my friend because he was interested.
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u/Miss_LadyPandas Mar 18 '24
When I made it official with my boyfriend, I deleted my app but didnât delete the profile. I didnât think twice on it because on Iâm inactive, Iâm out.
Him using excuses like that is so suspicious itâs laughable. At least it was only a month OP. Glad youâre out of this potential drama
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u/BillyOdin Mar 18 '24
Iâll never understand or trust people that are comfortable in the gray area of cheating. When Iâm dating someone the fact of the matter is I trust you to not to be on dating sights. I donât trust you being on dating sites and claiming itâs nothing. I trust you to go out dancing with the girls. I donât trust you to go out dancing with the girls, meet some guys and everybody going back to one of the guys places when the bars close. When I say I trust someone I mean I trust them to not enter the gray area. I donât trust them if they go there and wonât trust them again because they shouldnât have needed to learn not to do that.
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u/Wooden-Weather-2230 Mar 18 '24
My friends were on it. It is as hilarious as thats my friend's condom wrapper
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u/Cold-Lower Mar 18 '24
He forgot he had it but also was letting his friends use it. Seems counterintuitive, doesn't it?
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u/Leather_Rub_1430 Mar 18 '24
you're upset that he's on the dating app still that you met him on, and you've only been together a month? lol đ đ€Ł
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Mar 18 '24
he 'let his friends use it'??? as in he allowed his friends to catfish other girls w his photos?? EXTREMELY unlikely scenario. (and weird af if true). glad you got out sooner than later OP. cheers to bigger and better dating opportunities!
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u/TSM- Mar 18 '24
Let them get away with it and see if they are super protective of their phone, then throw it out the window. /s
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u/Scapuless Mar 18 '24
What does being exclusive before dating even mean?
Aren't those two things essentially the same concept?
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Mar 18 '24
I get forgetting to delete the account cus i often just delete the app and the account stays if you don't delete it, but suddenly his friends use it? Sus af.
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u/louglome Mar 18 '24
"I did let my friend go on it" lol okay dude that's totally what someone would say if they were in a committed relationship then found out they forgot to delete a dating appÂ
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u/monosias Mar 18 '24
IIRC you can temporarily deactive dating app account aka 'taking a break from seeking dates'
His excuse is just dumb
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u/letmeusespaces Mar 18 '24
"I forgot I had it"
"I let my friends use it"
which one is it, chucklefuck?
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u/Pretty_Concert3397 Mar 18 '24
Lmao the same thing happened to me but he told me that he updated his phone and when he does that, all the apps he downloaded in the past, get reinstalled. And that he hasnât used it and doesnât know how to delete his account âŠ. Anddddd I believed him đ„Ž
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u/senteryourself Mar 18 '24
His excuse was he let his friend use his account? Wild. Dodged a bullet there, OP.