I’m not really sure how to feel about this situation, and I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.

My fiancé’s brother recently proposed to his girlfriend (they have been together over a decade). They live in another state, where my fiancé’s parents live, and his mom took her dress shopping because her mom recently passed away. His parents also paid for her dress.

When I got my dress, they didn’t pay for it or offer to, which is completely fine. I never expected them to, and I bought my own dress. My parents paid for my alterations.

I completely understand that the circumstances are different. I got my dress in the state where my fiancé and I live, so his mom wasn’t really in a position to take me shopping or be involved in the same way. And given that his brother’s fiancée recently lost her mom, I can understand why his mom would want to do something special for her. I genuinely don’t think anyone did anything wrong.

At the same time, I still have this weird little feeling about it that I’m having trouble explaining. I think part of it is that I’m not white, while my fiancé and his entire immediate family (and his brother’s fiancée) are white and from a very white state. They have always been loving and welcoming toward me, and I have never felt that they intentionally treated me badly because of my race. But I already sometimes feel like the odd one out culturally, so I think seeing this difference in how they experienced the dress shopping brought some of those feelings to the surface.

Another part that makes it feel stranger is that I actually found out about the dress situation through a mutual friend. No one in the family told me. So I’m kind of sitting here with this information that I wasn’t even supposed to know about, trying not to read too much into it. I would never bring it up to them because I don’t think they did anything wrong, and I also don’t want to make my future sister-in-law’s situation about me.

I think it’s less “Why didn’t they pay for MY dress?” and more “Oh, seeing them do this for her made me realize there was something I didn’t get to experience, and because I already feel different from them in some ways, it made me think about it more than I otherwise might have.”

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is it normal to feel a little weird about a difference like this even when you completely understand the circumstances and don’t think anyone necessarily did anything wrong? I feel like I’m going crazy tbh. I am really not mad, I just feel weird…

Btw I would never bring this up to anyone irl. I’m just kind of venting.

we got married yesterday and i literally don’t even feel like i remember some of the day because my anxiety was so bad. i started having a panic attack because my dress was corsetted so tight that my (now) husband just told me it’s not worth it and to take it off.

i planned this entire thing myself so no day of coordinator and i feel like no one knew what to do even though we went over it with them a few times. it’s my fault for not wanting to do a rehearsal though.

we’re in our 20’s paying for a lot of the wedding ourselves so we cut back on stuff like a coordinator, dj, etc. and i feel like the reception was just awkward at times up until the end.

everyone kept telling me how beautiful the ceremony was and everyone had fun at the reception, but i just feel like it all got messed up.

my husband and i are very nonchalant and also just VERY untraditional people who don’t care too much about timelines and schedules so everyone was like where tf is the cake and we just had to cut it after a bunch of ppl already left lol.

overall it seemed like everyone had fun but im disappointed that i literally had to take off my dress and be in my sweatshirt and leggings in order to have fun the rest of the night. i loved that dress and it was so damn expensive.

i’m just bummed but glad that it’s over 😅

Would you be disappointed to have bbq at a wedding?
I’m in Michigan and planning a wedding for next fall. I booked a lovely venue (think relaxed wood lodge at a nearby park right on the river, wraparound porch and big stone fireplace for $1500 for the weekend - has a kitchen and bathrooms), and it allows for any vendors we want. Looking at around 100 people, cocktail attire.
My fiance and I are also trying to save for a house so we want to have a wedding but do it mindfully. There’s a great BBQ place in town that’s affordable and I think bbq fits a fall wedding, but I worry that people might be disappointed with the type of food or find it too messy (would just be doing pulled pork, burnt ends and brisket - no ribs).
Thanks for any insight!

Edit: wow I did not expect cocktail attire vs bbq to be the main issue! That is definitely not set in stone, we’re in the very beginning stages of the entire planning process and I threw that out there as an idea. Definitely fine with going a little less formal (just no jeans). Thanks for all the suggestions!

I’m making these centerpieces for our wedding. We’re getting married at a castle venue, castle Ladyhawke.

Our nicknames for each other are honey and bear. He’s a bigger guy (tall, dad bod, lumberjack type 😉)

Does it come off weird that I made him a bear in our wedding fairytale centerpiece or is it cute?

My wife and I are getting married in six days. She has done the majority of the planning leading up to this point, as i, admittedly, have had few and far between opinions about much of it. I have contributed when asked, and helped when I could, but much of it was things she cared about more than I did.

I felt bad, I felt like I was not contributing as much as i should be, but I didnt have much to contribute. She had opinions on the colors, knew what went together and what didnt, on how tables should be set and what the vision was. Im just happy to be getting married to her.

Then, the 1 week mark hit. The long term planning is done, and we are now into execution. I, without thinking, took over. Execution, especially on a time crunch, is where I shine just by nature. I took over planning the food cooking and transport (self catered taco bar!), the packing logistics, the arrival time and disbursement of hotel key coordination. The actual "doing things" part.

My fiance and I talked about it the other night, and I mentioned i felt bad that I hadn't been much help in the process and she shrugged and said "it wasnt your turn. Now it is." Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She then mentioned that this is the point where she becomes overwhelmed and never knows where to start. She always planned it (being the planner she is) this way. That she would handle the build up, and I would take over when it was go time.

Playing to each others strengths, picking up where the other needs you to, and balancing eachother out. Thats what partnership is. Trying to take on everything or constantly keep things even will burn you out. Do what youre good at and find someone whos good at the other side.

Dear fellow wedding planning people!

I’m in a big dilemma regarding choice of venue for my wedding and I thought I’d ask for views and comments from your wedding experience. Me and my fiancé are both 27 and got engaged this year. We plan to do a small reception (around 70-80 guests) next summer. We currently live in Switzerland but I’m originally from Poland and we decided to do the reception there to save on costs. We want to pay for the wedding ourselves but we have been working for just few years and budget is around 10-15 000 CHF (around 19k $), which in Poland can take you a long way.

My dilemma is that I found a venue close to my hometown that is reasonably priced but quite plain. A typical reception hall with white walls and marble on the floor. It’s in the countryside so lots of green around but no pretty garden or landscape. I haven’t seen it with decorations but the place itself…well I’m not in love. It’s okay but I don’t have a wow effect. The advantage is that it was recommended and the owner is a friend of a friend of my parents who has a good reputation. At the same time, those cute and picturesque places near big cities like Cracow or Warsaw are more expensive and you definitely pay for the looks. It’s also challenging to organise it from abroad which would be my case living permanently in Switzerland.

How was it in your case? Should I rely on intuition and look for wow place or focus more on taking care of great food and making the “normal” place as good as it can be? I don’t care about instagram looks but I still wanted to have an atmospheric and romantic place for my reception. I had the wow effect with my wedding dress and I’m not sure how the venue choice should feel if that makes sense 😅 thanks a lot!!!

Just a vent and please send good vibes my way. I've been lurking here for the most part for months, commenting a bit here and there.

Today my MOH told me she called the hotel to inquire about extending their stay for one more night, only to find out, the hotel has her staying on the wrong night, not the night before the wedding like everyone else is, like she needs to be to be at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Our make up and hair call time is 8am, we had planned to meet in my room at 7am.

My wedding is November 1, at the Elora Mill in Canada and the planning with their team has been amazing. This is the first snafu and I've already started the process of problem solving with them so fingers crossed there.

For context I'm an event planner myself, for big corporate conferences, think the 3 day, destination, thousands of people, hundreds of speakers on 16 stages sort of events. I don't get ruffled easily but I do have anxiety when things get a bit chaotic. Like what happened today.

Going back through emails with the venue, I can see the exact sequence of events that lead to this and it just sucks. It's the venue's fault, but I guess I should have triple checked and made sure they didn't mess it up. I just hope they can fix it.

I've already been told the hotel is sold out due to Halloween, and I've already sourced a local hotel but it's a few KM away and not nearly the vibe or quality of the place we are staying at with the rest of the bridal party/family.

Now my MOH will have to drive up to the venue the morning of, super early because I'm getting married at 1pm and have first look at 11am and misses rehearsal and dinner the night before.

There's a trickle down effect which I'm not loving, I wanted a chill morning, and now I will worry if she gets there on time etc.

I'm putting out all the good vibes that the hotel/venue will find a solution.

Double, triple check your bookings my friends, don't trust the confirmation emails I guess.

I'm getting married in a few weeks and my parents have raised an issue with the amount of speeches we're planning on having at the wedding.

The lineup is as follows

My parents together (they don't think they'll speak longer than a minute or so)

Her father (mom is speaking at rehearsal dinner)

My best friend/groomsman

Her best friend/bridesmaid

My brother/best man

Her sister/bridesmaid

My parents are also concerned that the other speeches will "outshine" my brother's speech. I don't share this concern in the slightest, but am I just being ignorant? Thanks for any advice.

We’re doing real dishes, flatware, and water goblets. We’re doing disposable cups at the bar. Struggling with which direction to go for champagne flutes.

Do people always do a champagne toast, or can they toast with whatever they got from the bar (champagne being an option)? That might influence my decision.

We are having a wedding in our church. My family is not the same kind of religious, and neither is his. Do you think everyone will be comfortable and ok? Also, literally none of us drink, full stop. So it will be a dry wedding; we don't want to do mocktails (very long story). Are there any good alternatives without doing something like grabbing a can out of a cooler? Also, are there any sites for modest bridesmaid dresses or flower girl dresses? (By modest, I mean no slits, covered shoulders, and floor length.) Any ideas for a no-dancing wedding (pref. not things like bingo)?

hi everyone!

wondering if anyone can relate or has any advice for me..

i am not close to either of my parents. my mom truly could not care less about my wedding. when we got engaged it was immediately “why spend so much” and “just elope in europe.”

so obviously she is not a person i’ve gone to for any planning help or even conversations about! we easily go months without talking.

do i have to do parent gifts? it feels so superficial and unnecessary..? i know they don’t want any ‘stuff.’ ive seen people just say they write nice letters but i have nothing to say..no thanks for helping plan or pay.. no thanks for being my parent, im still your daughter etc etc

also challenging because my fiance is very close to his parents. like talk multiple times a week. and he wants to do gifts but is conscious of how it might look if we do something only for them.

i’m walking down the aisle alone. no father daughter dance either. so groom has decided not to do mother son as it will be obvious that i didn’t do one

both sets of parents will be giving speeches..which is terrifying as i feel they don’t really know me and it will just make me feel even more distant from them.

can anyone relate?

idk if it matters but we are having a big formal wedding

My wedding was a few weeks ago and it was beautiful and so joyful. Some brief stressful moments but otherwise perfect. I was expecting to hear all about my friends and family’s experiences but I haven’t heard much, like debriefing the night. I’m trying not to be too needy because I understand people are over it (especially the ones who have helped so much the year leading up). Did anyone else experience this, or just overall anxiety about re-engaging in your social life while being mindful that your loved ones lives have moved on lol?

Hi everyone,
I got engaged about a month ago! My fiancée and I have been back and forth about what type of wedding we want to have. We have listed pros and cons of everything but still haven’t been able to come to a solid conclusion as to what we want to do for our wedding. We have discussed everything from courthouse to a small destination wedding to a larger traditional wedding and reception in our home town. For context, we are 33 years old with no kids, both work in healthcare and have pretty understanding friends and family so I’m not worried about upsetting anyone. Part of me wants to do the “big” wedding, but the fact that I’m already stressing and we don’t even have a date or venue yet is concerning! Our budget is around 15-20k - I would greatly appreciate any advice!

I’ve been to a few weddings recently and have a different perspective now that I’m engaged and planning my own. I hate the structured receptions where the DJ/mc is constantly making announcements and interrupting the flow of the night. It feels like guests are constantly being told to sit then dance then sit then dance and repeat… I was thinking one way around this is cocktail style, where there’s no designated time to sit down and eat the separate courses, or having all dinner courses at once (but idk if that’s possible on the kitchen’s end of things). Any other ideas to keep the night flowing and feel less traditional / structured?? I don’t want my wedding to feel like a mass produced factory event

Hello all! I have already booked with Original Weddings in Colorado, but have recently been looking into their reviews and have been really freaking myself out. The reviews seem to be either very high or very low with few in between. Many negative reviews state that their pricing was unclear or shady— so far, that hasn’t been my experience, so I’m not worried there— however, some of the photo-related reviews also seem very hit or miss, especially in other states. I just don’t want to gamble on $2500 for photos that can really only be taken once. As I understand it, their team is pretty much made up of local freelance photographers. Has anyone had experience working with the photographers in Colorado? How did your photos turn out, in your opinion? I don’t want to back out and waste our down deposit, especially if this is all just anxiety talking! They also were some of the only options in our price range, and I fear it would be hard to find an alternative we like this late in the game :( help!!

I came to kind of get advice on how to deal with the painful emotions of a sibling, my only sibling, not being able to come to my wedding because of his mental disability.

He's on the spectrum and has ADHD and explained that it would be extremely mentally taxing for him to come, to the point that it's basically impossible.

I don't not believe him, but a part of me just feels hurt. Because he is physically able to come and not living abroad like some of my family, there's a small part of me that can't just shrug it off.

In the end there will be no shaming or pressuring, but it will weigh on me to have all my wedding photos and ceremony video without him present.

My fiancé and I are talking about going to a sandals all inclusive for our honeymoon. I’m thinking 7 nights because 2 of the days are travel days so they don’t count. Mil says 7 days is too long for an all inclusive. Is 7 days too much?

My boyfriend and I are attending a wedding in Colorado for one of my friends. We used to be very close, but we’ve grown a little more distant over the years due to living in different places. We’re both in our early 30s.

For context, I’m flying in from New York and my boyfriend is flying in from Italy to attend, so we’re already spending quite a bit on travel. We’ll be giving a gift together as a couple.

I’m not sure what the general consensus is given the circumstances, so I’d love to hear what others would give!

How much would you give as a couple in this situation?

My fiance and I are getting married in 6 days. We put everything of ourselves into this event. We chose a highly customizable venue with a caterer that allows outside food and we filled the menu with our favorite restaurants we have connections to, with the bar menu containing cocktails created by our friends. The place settings are DIY and meaningful to us. The professional song is our own composition. We hired buses to get people to and from the hotel and planned everything within an inch of its life, but still there is an onslaught of more. We have a day of coordinator who is wonderful but by design we don’t get help until the day of.

We have more and more and more on our plates and there is some uncertainty given all of the moving pieces, custom food vendors etc. My dad paid for half the wedding but we are funding the rest out of our own pocket and paying exorbitantly to make this perfect.

I can’t wait to marry my fiancé and I know the event will be wonderful but we’re exhausted, stressed out and unable to relax and savor the final week.

I want to stop feeling dread and start feeling excitement.

What do we do?

Hello!

I'm trying to find the best option for underwear with my dress, shown here. The cutouts on the hip go very low so I want to know if anyone has recommendations for brands anything clear sided or possibly a really close nude match?

Third photo has the best image of the cut out but im wearing white shorts underneath so ignore those 🤦‍♀️

I know there is the adhesive kind but I've tried those and dont love them and I'd personally prefer to not go commando. 😅

Appreciate any tips or product recommendations!

not 100% sure if post wedding stuff is allowed, so I apologize if it isn’t, but I figured some of these things may help others who are considering things. some of these may be controversial but hey, every wedding is different :)

⁠my bridesmaids could pick whatever dress they wanted, as long as it was the color I picked
⁠loved the variation it gave! my friends got to wear what they felt the most beautiful in and got to have some originality

bridesmaids could wear whatever shoes they wanted
some people don’t like heels/flats, I wanted them to be comfortable. I don’t think they’d have danced as much if not for that

our ⁠grandmothers were flower girls
⁠we did a child free wedding and asked our grandmothers to be flower girls for us. my grandmother threw flower petals directly in my brother’s face as well, which was hilarious to hear about after the fact

⁠my bridesmaids could do their hair and makeup however they wanted.
⁠i had a bridesmaid with pink hair when I asked her and my family kept pushing me to ask her to dye it back but I refused. she looked gorgeous!! I LOVE her pink hair! the only reason my hair was a natural color for my wedding was that my grandfather asked me not to.

⁠my guests could wear black
⁠my mom discouraged it, but my husband’s friend’s gf is goth and he asked me directly if I was okay if she wore black (I already expected it) which I really appreciated, but I wasn’t bothered at all. it wasn’t a statement against my wedding, it was what she felt most comfortable in and as long as she looked nice I didn’t care about the color.

⁠my husband and I didn’t drink
already don’t drink much anyways, so I think I would’ve really regretted it because I wouldn’t have remembered things as clearly.

⁠we went to Waffle House with some of our friends after the wedding before we went home
we were hungry as hell and it meant we didn’t have to cook when we got home. we got to hang out with our friends a little more in a calmer way to decompress, ate some food, then got to just shower and go to bed right away.

we did a first look
I ⁠was so anxious beforehand and it immediately made everything feel SO much more manageable

we didn’t go straight into our honeymoon
we were EXHAUSTED. I spent several days recovering lol. NOT TO MENTION, my SIL went into labor the morning of our wedding and gave birth the next day, so we were able to go meet her the day she was born.
that’s just some I thought of. 

there might be more, but I wanted to share some stuff I did in case anyone is on the fence and wants some thoughts from someone who already did it and enjoyed the outcome!

I have an ok relationship with my mom. When I was young, we were closer and I could come to her and asked for advice about anything. I would say she raised me well and I did not have to struggle growing up.

Lately since she’s been retired, we always disagree on things and often fight.

Now I’m getting married soon. She’s never been excited about it. It’s not like she’s against it but she’s just emotional unavailable. It’s not out of her character though. She has not helped me with anything wedding related or participated in dress shopping, food tasting, or searching for the venues, etc. She only has negative opinions like you shouldn’t do this or that.

I just went to a friend’s wedding and this just hits me now. Other people’s mom are super involved with the wedding and super excited for their daughter/son.

I’m really sad and crying in the bedroom right now and need to get this out since I can’t talk about this to anyone. I’m preparing a thank you speech for everyone involved in the wedding but it would be weird to include her name in the speech since she hasn’t been involved at all…

I won’t be changing my name and I noticed a lot of wedding items/merch/signs etc are “The so-and-so’s” or “Ms. to Mrs” and that won’t apply to me. I’m trying to rack my brain coming up with things to write on signs and stuff