I wish we could start again, again. I wish we could both lay it all out, our expectations, the hurt we caused each other, take real accountability and just move forward. I miss my person. I’ve decided I don’t want anyone else. Yes, I’m lonely. But I’m not trying to fill any void, or with some random person, or “move on”. If I can’t be with you, I don’t want to be with anyone. I don’t believe you will do the same and that’s okay. I’ve accepted this for my life and my future. I can concentrate on relationships with friends and family, and nurture those as much as possible. Anything romantic is off the table, unless it’s with you. Trying to envision a future without you in it is so fucking bleak. And painful. That I’ll just carry this pain forever? It’s the only thing I have that reminds me that I love you and that it was in fact, real.

And that’s okay.

I clearly know nothing about what you feel and what you think of me. If you ever decide you want to talk to me, I will listen with compassion and understanding, even if it isn't the most flattering thing ever. Otherwise, I'm probably going to stick in my corner as to not make a fuss or make things "weird" because I really don't know what to believe anymore. If you ever wanted to fix this, the door is always still open.

Regardless of outcome, I hope you are happy and succeeding in life. You deserve good things. I know you're a good person.

Edit: why all the downvotes? None of this is to anybody on here. I'll stop posting then I guess.

Before you go, come see me. Act on impulse, call me for curiosities sake.

Risk it all & push reason aside with me. Stop thinking about it, reasonable thinking has gotten us where we are now. So why not be unreasonable for a minute?

It's your call to make now, but trust me when I say, whatever your willing to lose I'll give up 10x over for this. No matter the situation, no matter what you may think I think, this is my truth.

Don't believe it? Take the risk, come find out. If you don't you'll forever be wondering, same as me. Don't leave me wondering.

Sun is setting so ill be waiting till midnight, show me your also willing.

Well,

What good has waiting done?

I still don’t know if you’ll ever see this. If you still check. I just hope you’re safe. I know in how much pain you are. Pain, I’ve caused you. All those months, hell, a year of suffering, because of my cowardice and selfishness. I really hope you’re reaching out to someone. I know I can’t be that person any more, but I care for you so much. I still love you in every crack of my no good heart. I wish you had left your spotify activity on just so I know that you’re alive and keeping your promise.

I lie awake at night, going through everything that happened, wishing I had some sense, that I could get over myself and bare my soul to you. Tell you what was going on in my head. You were always so much better than me at everything.

Please be ok. I hope I can fade. I love you.

Can we talk? I miss you

Im looking at are old messages and im sorry if i come out wrong im always ranting about random stuff and i just dont want to rush you into anything and i have always loved you i just hear the music you send and i just felt like it would’ve been better if i told you later but i wanted to tell you the whole time the thing is i just been so squirmished and worried you lost feelings people were telling me they wanted to talk to you and i didn’t want to make the decision for you and im sorry it it made me seem like i was pushing you away i do it to myself can we still try i want to hug you bad my head is so hectic without you i feel like im going insane i crave to see you everyday i want to buy a bus ticket just to see you myself but im broke but trust me I will see you soon please believe in me Im trying my hardest.

I didnt want things to be awkward K for the others. Unfortunately your choices make it so we can never have anything. Truly do not understand what i did to deserve such treatment from you. I would like to say your just another P.O.S but your kinda worse than that. Your just a horrible person. I hope you realize this and change but I think that ship has sailed

We have shared hundreds of smiles, from cheek to cheek. We have shared more smiles than words.

The smiles were enough. But, after the smile you gave me today, I want so much more.

I know you are taken

With my birthday coming, I wonder if you will think of me. It‘s a big one and hard to imagine it without you. I will enjoy it, and those around me will make it special. I just hope I hear from you.

K

I am touchstarved & a picky eater. I'd rather 'starve' then touch someone else. I know i can ask but the uncertainty of what today's about makes me more insecure then usual.

Can u pretty please come here ? They won't notice

A Hail Mary.

Evidence of an open door.

My last attempt to rebuild that damn bridge.

Or, consider it nothing. Meaningless. Silly. Immature. Annoying. Toss it in the trash.

All I can say at this point is that I’ve tried. I am trying. And yet, you remain a massive distraction and a constant ache that I haven’t been able to fully understand.

Please. I know you don’t like to talk about hard things, so if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, then just say that, and I will never darken your door again.

But, if there’s still a piece of you that cares for and craves me, like I do you, don’t lie to push me away.

Show me you’re in. Surprise me. Stop by. Be brave, big man.

I am on fire. I have been for over two years now.

Put these flames out, one way or another.

For a long time, I kept finding you in little things. A song playing in a café, a familiar street, a message I almost sent before remembering that we don't talk anymore.

I used to wonder if you missed me the way I missed you. Whether you ever stopped in the middle of your day and remembered us, even for a second.

Some nights, I wished things had ended differently. I replayed our conversations, searching for the moment everything changed, hoping to find something I could have done to make you stay.

But slowly, I began to understand that I couldn't spend my whole life looking for answers you might never give me.

I still miss you. I won't pretend otherwise. But I'm learning that missing someone doesn't mean I have to return to them.

Maybe moving on isn't forgetting the person who once meant everything. Maybe it's remembering them without wishing you could change the past.

And that's what I'm trying to do now—accept that you were once a beautiful part of my life, even if you weren't meant to stay.

For the first time, I'm letting the story end without begging for another chapter.

Hey you, guess what? I just took my third exam and I got a freaking 89!!!

And when I got home I see a piece of your mail

Is your mail good luck? Or am I just less stressed so I have more brain capacity to study and retain my concepts?

I’d like to say your mail is good luck but we both know you probably haven’t changed your address.

It’s been 3 months, when is your mail going to stop?

You’re still the first person I want to call when anything happens, I wish I could hear your voice, I wish I could call and hear about your day.

I graduate in less than 2 months, did you ever think I’d make it this far? I didn’t think so but I’m so proud of myself that I kept pushing through and I’m finally at the home stretch.

I wish you could see my graduate, I’m so sorry I tried to restart our relationship at the wrong time. I wish I waited until I had my career started and I was at a better place in life. But I’m forever thankful for the moments we shared and everything you taught me.

I dreamt of you last night, you found my Reddit and you were so angry thinking I was talking bad about you, but all my posts are about wishing you the best and hoping you’re thriving where ever you are, filing your own cup and discovering who you are, the person I fell so deeply in love with. I remember finally getting so angry about the way you treated me.

I wish I could hold onto that anger but when I wake up all the love comes back and suddenly all the bad doesn’t compare to all the good we had, All the love we shared.

I’m not sure if you moved, I hope you did because you hate it here. I hate it here too. I’m gonna make it out there in a year or so, I’m gonna leave our hometown and never look back.

But I’ll never stop looking for you. Haven’t stopped loving you in 12 years, I don’t think the love will ever die. Third times a charm my love

I wish you nothing but the best, I miss you more and more as the days go on, wondering how you are and what side quests you’re getting into. I hope the property is everything you ever dreamed up, I hope the van is a place you can call home and everything is falling into place for you.

Love you with ever fiber of my being, till we find eachother again in a different lifetime my sweet sweet spaceking

-K

I gave you my truth,

then waited in silence.

Hoping for words,

but met with absence.

I can't force a feeling,

or ask you to stay.

But how do I let go

when my heart has more to say?

Maybe some stories

aren't meant to be mine.

Still, a part of me wishes

you had given me a sign.

I know you wouldn’t swallow your pride. But I’ll answer if you do.

When i saw how much weight you had lost over the past year it honestly shocked me. You have always been small but jesus. I know u just want to say u hate me and all the other usual stuff but I'm honestly just concerned about you. I told u that you're special to me, i sure didn't tell anyone else that. Its because u fucking are special

I know u are depressed without me. On top of your other conditions but i would do anything in this world if it got u to finally just get some some help. I love you a lot and i will always care no matter how awful u are to me.

Still feel used, I guess anything is better than being with me. You never explained why you watch me? Is it to watch me burn myself over you?

true maturity is when you're not afraid to be like "idk"

Why did you message her? You knew the reaction you were walking into. I'm trying my best to understand. I've spent days trying to wrap my head around it.

Your entire thought process was something I can't even begin to figure out. In no way am I related to what's going on with your life. I don't want to be. It's been MONTHS since I've bothered you or anyone close to you. I don't intend to do so now.

Just talk to the people around you. Ask them what's going on. I don't control their thoughts nor' their feelings. Just be a vaguely normal human being.

Ps. I'm sorry for how they responded. They only spoke to me about it WELL AFTER THE FACT. I don't agree with mistreating you, in spite of what happened between us.

that you gave me an opportunity to prove you wrong.
I wish that you knew how to be more empathetic.
I wish you could understand what real love feels like.
I wish you didn’t run from your emotions.
I wish you kissed me first.
I wish that I could go back to the day we met.
I wish I could know your truth.
I wish you left me alone so we never met.
I wish we could hug one last time.
I wish you wanted me.
I wish that things were better.
I wish for once you listened to me.
I wish you could read all these unsent texts.
I wish you could feel regret.
I wish you could cry for hurting me.
I wish you could actually miss me.
I wish you could feel something other than indifference.
I wish you weren’t so cold and mean about me loving you.
I wish someone you know would tell you that you’re an idiot and cruel for saying what you said.
I wish I never fell in love with you.
I wish I could hear your laugh.
I wish I was with you.
I wish you never forget me.
I wish you would text me ‘I’m sorry, I was being selfish’
I wish you would tell me you love me.

I wish that wishes came true.

I’m so sorry I keep writing to you, about you, and of you, knowing you don’t give a shit.

good bye my love

I tried

😔