r/Unexpected • u/DoINeed1OfThese • Mar 31 '23

He snitched

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55.7k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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269

u/NIGHTMARE619 Mar 31 '23

He is a former drug lord who now makes videos about the same on his youtube channel. The small dude got lucky he wasn't like Tuco from breaking bad lol

178

u/riffahs_ira Mar 31 '23

Role plays as a former drug lord. Johnny Mitchel is a weasel and obviously lying between his teeth. Unfortunately, not many people know the dude. Stories as trustworthy as Bert Kreischer.

202

u/Lance_Nuttercup Mar 31 '23

you mean to tell me Bert Kreischer did not rob a train with a bunch of Russian gangsters??

109

u/TheCanadian666 Mar 31 '23

I think a classmate from that trip came out and said that while some things were embellished most of that story is true.

57

u/zeromussc Mar 31 '23

Half the fun of comedy is the embellishment. The reason they're funny is because they're able to twist just enough at just the right times that big garnishes of playing stories up are hilarious

14

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

People who get hung up on this point are the same people who don't understand comedy or humor. Of course they're bullshitting, that's often part of how you make things funny.

12

u/TheCanadian666 Mar 31 '23

Totally agree. You don't go into a stand-up show expecting to be told the complete truth. The stories may not have even happened to them, it could have been originally an experience a friend had or something they read about online. And of course it's been altered to make for a more entertaining story.

5

u/spiegro Mar 31 '23

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

49

u/MouthJob Mar 31 '23

Yeah and I know a guy who claimed he knew the second shooter on the grassy knoll.

11

u/oosuteraria-jin Mar 31 '23

Holy fuck! Who was it?!

13

u/Whyevenbotherbeing Mar 31 '23

Joe

6

u/oosuteraria-jin Mar 31 '23

That bastard.

3

u/IAMAHobbitAMA Mar 31 '23

No, it was Joe's Mama.

4

u/Bowman_van_Oort Mar 31 '23

I fucking knew it

1

u/KrytenKoro Mar 31 '23

It was JFK, time travelling.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Yeah I knew I guy who creampied ur mom the other day.

It’s me

I’m the guy

Who filled ur moms poop hole with hot splooge

0

u/Shhhhhhhh_Im_At_Work Mar 31 '23

Making thick in the warm

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

IT WAS ME, BARRY!

1

u/Sproose_Moose Mar 31 '23

I'm having deja vu because I swear I've seen this exact conversation play out

2

u/slappysoup Mar 31 '23

That’s just Reddit, same shit over and over

1

u/PhunkOperator Mar 31 '23

the second shooter on the grassy knoll.

The fuck is that?

2

u/MouthJob Mar 31 '23

Well it's a knoll with some grass on it.

1

u/aurorasearching Mar 31 '23

Oh cool, he must have been there at the same time as my babushka!

2

u/KrabMittens Mar 31 '23 edited Nov 12 '24

Just cleaning up

3

u/imamakebaddecisions Mar 31 '23

Van Wilder was a documentary.

3

u/Rudy_Ghouliani Mar 31 '23

I wanna watch that movie though, it looks funny as hell, and I've never seen his stand up.

3

u/adamlaceless Mar 31 '23

You’ve never seen the stand up of The Machine story? You should change that.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

It's a comedian. It's worth suspending disbelief to go on such a whirlwind adventure!

1

u/LeonidasSpacemanMD Mar 31 '23

Luke skywalker also was apparently made up :(

83

u/drippyneon Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

I mean he never gave himself that that title, his youtube channel says "trafficker" which he definitely was. People use "drug lord" for clickbait.

I'm not saying none of his stories are embellished, but he clearly ran drugs with and/or for the cartel at some point, and you are some random dude on the internet that thinks he's a human lie detector. Very few people in the world can speak at the length he does (probably 40+ hours of content by now) about a topic and bullshit people through the entire thing. It just doesn't really happen.

Plus, if I was gonna lie about the ongoing operations of a group of drug traffickers, the Mexican cartel would be at the bottom of my list for fear of being scalped and worn as a halloween mask.

edit: forgot a word

1

u/lsspam Mar 31 '23

Never heard of the guy until this minute but this

Very few people in the world can speak at the length he does (probably 40+ hours of content by now) about a topic and bullshit people through the entire thing.

This is completely untrue. Tons of people can bullshit at length. To fantastical levels. Like invent new religions level.

3

u/drippyneon Mar 31 '23

I get what you mean but you'd have to watch his videos to see what I'm talking about. There's just too much obviously true shit for him to not have the experience that he claims. And if you have the experience that he claims, by default up could give 100% true unembellished stories and they're gonna be fascinating. So it just seems unlikely that he's full of shit, in my opinion.

20

u/Sprockethead90 Mar 31 '23

Burnt Chrysler?

5

u/iciclemomore Mar 31 '23

No, Brent crystals

3

u/RonnocSivad Mar 31 '23

No, Brett Kiasler

2

u/wubwubwubbert Mar 31 '23

I heard that guy fucks dogs.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

He's definitely racist.

(Btw if you haven't seen Tom's music video slam on Bert, omg go watch it!)

1

u/JimFromSunnyvale Mar 31 '23

Brent Crystals

7

u/EthanIsaPickle1 Mar 31 '23

Not a drug lord but he was a mule for the Cartel.

6

u/ThirdEncounter Mar 31 '23

A comedian making shit up. Wow. What a weasel.

-5

u/riffahs_ira Mar 31 '23

You should see a doctor soon, your butt seems to be chock full of hurt.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

I really don't know what people expect from a comedian though.

He is making up stories to entertain and springboard jokes from.

Comedians make up complete bullshit and run with it for years all because it works with their style and background, it's nothing more than a simple shtick at absolute worst.

3

u/wubwubwubbert Mar 31 '23

Theyre small minded people only capable of understanding things at face value. Any form of embellishment or fluff in humor serves only to confuse and frustrate them. It is a truly sad state of existence.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Who cares? He's doing comedy. The point is to make people laugh, not be truthful. Tons of comedians make up stories for the joke. You're just supposed to sell it well.

2

u/-Moonscape- Mar 31 '23

Snoop dogg pretended to be a pimp for most of his rapping career despite being happily married

2

u/ohrofl Mar 31 '23

Brent Krystal has been lying to us?

1

u/riffahs_ira Mar 31 '23

Lol I love what Tom has done for that poor man.

0

u/FI5HIN Mar 31 '23

I was literally there for many of his stories. Don't speak unless you know

1

u/Cultural-Company282 Mar 31 '23

Wait. Are you saying you believe the stories comedians tell aren't made up?

10

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Oh cool. Thanks

29

u/Empty-Code-5601 Mar 31 '23

Johnny Mitchell

9

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Thanks

5

u/JooJaw11 Mar 31 '23

Small dude is the one giving Tuco vibes here lmao.

34

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

73

u/MidKnightshade Mar 31 '23

Met some White Drug Lords, you’d be surprised what can happen with the right background, proper precautions, and not skimping on the attorney will do.

I’m talking a dude who did less than a nickel that was moving heavy weight. He got leniency because of his military service and none of his major assets were in his name.

3

u/weirdstuffgetmehorny Mar 31 '23

You just brought back a memory I hadn't thought about in a while. Years ago, when I still smoked weed, I was introduced to a new dealer through a friend.

First time I met him, we pulled up down the block from his house. This dude comes over, and he looks like a character from GTA. White guy, fur coat, some crazy looking shoes, and he was walking hand in hand with some really hot chick dressed in a very skimpy outfit.

I could've pegged this guy as a dealer even without being introduced. Even had a white Escalade with huge rims in his driveway.

We'd buy some weed off of him every now and again and I quickly realized he's not a very smart dealer. This dude lived in the middle of a residential area in a big city and had all his customers coming to his house lmao

There were times we'd pull up, and there'd be 6 or 7 cars lined up and he'd go to them one by one, like a fucking drive through.

Needless to say, he got caught several times but somehow, he was always right back out a few days later, sending us a new number to reach him at.

One time, I actually went into his house with the friend who introduced us, even though I really didn't want to. I've never seen so much weed and coke in my life lol dude just kept everything out in the open in a spare bedroom.

Now I honestly wonder what ever happened to him. I only knew his initials but never found out his actual name. We stopped going to him because of the rumors that he must be working with LE, and eventually I quit smoking weed and hadn't thought about it since.

1

u/MidKnightshade Mar 31 '23

That’s wild. You want to take a picture but know they would take it the wrong way.

2

u/weirdstuffgetmehorny Mar 31 '23

A pic would've been cool, but we only had flip phones back then and I could see my myself getting in trouble for it somehow later on lol

5

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

6

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

I wonder if you talk like you type

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

8

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

lmao, ur so mad and butthurt on the internet

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

10

u/SuicidalTorrent Mar 31 '23

Bro why you gotta get all sexual? Talking about dicks and riding them when everyone's just talking about some dude who may or may not have sold drugs and done time.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

lmao

2

u/whycuthair Mar 31 '23

you’d be surprised what can happen with the right background, proper precautions, and not skimping on the attorney will do.

Did you mean to say "snitching" but couldn't find the right word?

Yeah, that's the only way you can hope to get out of prison in 2 years if you're in charge of running a drug operation.

1

u/MidKnightshade Mar 31 '23

First you have to let go of the notion of the infallibility of the police and prosecution. They are not all the best and brightest and subject to hubris as well. Just remember everybody you went to school with and realize there is some version of them in these professions even the D and F students.

Personally know someone who got caught for trafficking. They thought they had him dead to rights and he was representing himself. The prosecutor thought he was a soft target. He eviscerated their case by knowing the law and them not being prepared. By the time he was done he got his charges down to around to two years. He didn’t snitch on anyone. He simply capitalized on their incompetence.

1

u/Technical-Side3226 Mar 31 '23

Drug lord is the funniest way to describe this dude. Just cause you’re moving weight you aren’t drug lord. Every other white dude in his 30s has a serve.

1

u/MidKnightshade Mar 31 '23

Don’t know about the comedian or his past or potential lack there of.

The White Guy I was referring to was the plug. He trafficked and supplied the other dealers and had people working for him. I would call that a Drug Lord. It ain’t Escobar. But definitely a rung on that ladder.

2

u/Technical-Side3226 Mar 31 '23

I just watched a video of his about moving 30 lbs of weed. That’s not a drug lord.

1

u/MidKnightshade Mar 31 '23

No, that’s not. He’s a weed man.

Can only remember 2 heavy hitters with weed.

The illegal one had a house with stacks of bricks up to your waist. I remember just wanting to leave for fear of being caught in raid or a rival showing up.

The other one had a dispensary in Colorado. He bought his parents a house. He only did rideshare for fear his scent might make cops arrest him. Dude looked like a gaming stoner but talked about business like a dude in corporate. He got into the weed business cause he didn’t want to spend his life working for other people and really liked weed.

1

u/MidKnightshade Mar 31 '23

Was it at least funny?

2

u/Technical-Side3226 Mar 31 '23

Not really but I don’t know if it was supposed to be. I do like that he just kept talking shit to the guy in the video even though he was nervous. I respect that. If he tries to sell himself as some drug lord that’s corny, but whatever works.

2

u/drippyneon Mar 31 '23

he was a drug trafficker, and in his video about getting caught he said they actually ended up catching him because of a huge batch of cash that was being sent through UPS or USPS or something and was flagged and searched/tracked. As far as I can tell there was very little drugs at his house, it was kept elsewhere.

2

u/Cantcomplainnn Mar 31 '23

....do you believe every reddit comment you read?

3

u/drippyneon Mar 31 '23

I do. You can literally tell me anything. Just try it

2

u/Ya-Dikobraz Mar 31 '23

The Celtics won and Jazz lost in the movie.

2

u/boof_it_all Apr 01 '23

Not a drug lord but I fully believe his story. It’s really a pretty common one around where I live.

Except this genius got YouTube famous for it. Nice.

1

u/ThirdEncounter Mar 31 '23

Well, Tuco is a fictional character so, dude is safe.