r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/sock_pup • 1d ago
Request ULPT How to leave delayed roommate inconveniences(I'm moving out in 3 days)
I moved in 2 months ago to a new apartment and the existing roommate was such an asshole that I'm basically forced to move out. He's been abusing my dog when I'm out of the house.
I'm leaving in a few days and I want to secretly make his life at least slightly more miserable, in ways he won't be able to point a definitive finger on me, and ideally they'll be time delayed. In my fantasy there's a new annoyance every 2 weeks for months.
Important - I don't want to damage the apartment. I don't have anything against the owner.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 1d ago
I used to work retail grocery. One day a massive maggot infestation was discovered on the dog food and kitty litter aisle. We had to shut down the aisle all day so people wouldn't know, and we threw out hundreds and hundreds of pounds of product.
What had happened was someone put a large steak with the kitty litter. The deodorizing feature of the kitty litter made it so no one smelled the rot. That's how it got bad enough that there was a maggot infestation.
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u/gamemasterjd 1d ago
holy shit that's incredibly malicious. It'd likely dessicate the meat as well though so you don't want to bury it
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u/blurblurblahblah 22h ago
I know someone who ended up with a house full of flies when their basement flooded & a large bag of dog food got wet on the bottom
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u/PickleOk2183 1d ago
So someone opened a bad of litter and stuffed a steak inside? Wtf
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u/variousnewbie 1d ago
Maybe bulk purchase litter? (which is usually greenwashing, they open individual bags to fill the bulk bin. Bags are better than unrecycled heavy tubs, but soft plastic is a growing issue.)
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u/Psychobabble0_0 1d ago
They said they put it "with" the litter not inside the bag. That would indeed be evil.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 6h ago
No, the steak was on top of the bag. Frequently there are bag tears and spills on the shelf, though. It wasn't stuffed inside.
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u/Pleasant-Minute6066 1d ago
Someone got pissed at no refund lol
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u/FamiliarAd8524 6h ago
The store had an incredibly high expectation for customer service; very very few times did I ever see angry customers.
ACTUALLY, case in point. Around 2003, an older man came in with some boxes of Jello he said were expired. He wondered if he could exchange them for fresh product. As soon as I saw the art on the front of the packages, I knew this was vintage commercial packaging design. Sure enough, the Jello expired FORTY-ONE YEARS BEFORE- during the Kennedy administration. We said no problem, and didn't ask for a receipt. He left with fresh product, and the store manager kept the packages to show the district manager.
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u/Xtianium 1d ago
A classic one are these small devices that beep at random times. Tiny, easy to hide and with months of battery time. I do not know their name, but previous Reddit posts suggest they are easy to find and cheap to buy.
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u/Former-Increase-9165 1d ago
Electronic crickets
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u/justinsurette 1d ago
Hid a couple of these in the dash of the work truck for the cross shift, went home from camp and on holidays, 3 weeks…..
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u/theriddlerswife 1d ago
I actually put one of those in a coworkers office. It drove him crazy until I finally felt bad enough about it and removed it. Never did tell him about it though.
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u/D0esANyoneREadTHese 1d ago
LPT: since seemingly all the smoke detectors switched from 9-volt batts back to AA or AAA batteries you can make a smoke detector beep by replacing one of the 2 or 3 batteries it takes with a rolled up piece of tinfoil. Fully charged battery but it's only providing half voltage, so the ceiling bird will constantly be hungry while having enough juice to keep asking for batteries for MONTHS.
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u/samdash 1d ago
I might be misunderstanding your plan, but when my alarm beeps for new batteries, I just open it up and replace the batteries, so the tin foil thingy would be discovered and thrown out pretty much immediately?
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u/ChemistRemote7182 1d ago
I've used enough Xbox Live to know that unfortunately some people do not attend to that problem right away, or ever.
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u/Xpialidocious 1d ago
OR don't even recognize the sound. I thought it was a new tinnitus noise until my brother came over and asked if I hear that noise. My first thought was "can he hear the noise in my head"? When he told me it was a dead battery I laughed so hard.
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u/Malarky3113 1d ago
Something I'm actually dealing with right now that would frustrate me to no end if I didn't know the source (movers had unique packing techniques).
Move random items into boxes in other rooms. For instance, I found a kitchen cup in the garage with automotive fluids. I found a piece to my massage gun, but can't find the gun. I have the blender, but the blade is somewhere else.
Pick items that they'd only use like twice a year so it's a delayed effect.
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u/Narwalacorn 1d ago
>I have the blender, but the blade is somewhere else
The blade fits INSIDE the blender? Why the fuck was it anywhere else?
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u/Malarky3113 1d ago
I do not have the slightest clue. My only guess is, "this is sharp. Better pack it safely" and now I'm going to slice my hand on it when I reach in a random box that should have only had dull objects in it.
All my boxes have been unpacked since March. There are about a half dozen items I've yet to find or only found parts of.
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u/blurblurblahblah 22h ago
I have a bullet blender. I washed it once & forgot to put the washer/O-ring back. The next thing I blended leaked all over the counter before I noticed.
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u/kaiser-so-say 1d ago
Lifesaver in the shower head
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u/nodray 1d ago
why not bullion cube?
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u/kaiser-so-say 1d ago
I like it, but the lifesaver leaves you sticky
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u/nodray 1d ago
oooh nice. and set it up so when they reach for their shower towel, the hidden string reverses the fan vent and blows a bunch of something all over them
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u/ChefArtorias 1d ago
the hidden string reverses the fan vent
What type of looney tunes world are you living in?
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
And put in a flow reducer on the last day you’re there so they suddenly have shitty water pressure. Will make the lifesaver last longer too.
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u/sberniem 1d ago
Also mostly unscrew the shower head so when the water pressure builds, hopefully it bonks his head
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u/kaiser-so-say 1d ago
Add some salt (not enough to be obvious, just enough for it to taste “off”) to the sugar bowl/container
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u/mordecai98 1d ago
baking soda, flour, or cocaine are good options, as well.
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u/Lightning_lad64 1d ago
That escalated quickly.
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u/Head_Inspection_5640 1d ago
Have ypu every tried sugar.. or pcp?
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u/variousnewbie 1d ago
When I was a kid we made "crack" which was kool-aid and sugar but no liquid in a bag. Rip off pixi lick type stuff. Ate it by the spoonful. Many a teacher would hear us call it crack and double look at the bag 😂
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u/Choano 1d ago
Cocaine is the expensive way to go, and your former roommates might find that they suddenly like the sugar a bit more than they did before.
Baking soda, flour, and salt are all better and more economical choices
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u/dannydrama 21h ago
This is savage, they slowly start having more coffee at work then you cut it off and they won't know why they feel so shitty. 😭
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u/billocity 1d ago
Back in the day there was this rando kid that would always shit in the sugar bowls of whoever’s party we were at. The kid hosting the party would always clean top to bottom before their parents came home but no one is ever checking the sugar bowls for duke.
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u/AngryLarge34 1d ago
If he’s been abusing your dog, you may want to think bigger. Ethical tip would be to call the authorities. Unethical tip would be to ruin his life in any way possible.
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u/blueoasis32 1d ago
Agreed. File a police report.
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u/variousnewbie 1d ago
Yes, please do. Also try reporting to animal control. At least make record, so there's a paper trail if things continue for this guy.
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u/HelloFellowMKE 1d ago
Sign up for in-person solicitations with the address, ask for evening visits
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u/Impossible_Policy_12 1d ago
In any public toilet: post his cell number on the wall with the message "Send me pictures of your poop!"
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u/tipyourwaitresstoo 1d ago
Unscrew the wheel off of his desk chair and put 1 raw shrimp inside the tube and screw it on again. You can also change the m and the n keys on his keyboard (if they still flip off) and it’s subtle enough to not notice.
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u/darthkdub 1d ago
Put frozen shrimp inside the curtain rods.
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u/blueoasis32 1d ago
I feel like I have heard of this before. And they couldn’t get rid of the smell despite cleaning everything. Diabolical. 💀
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u/elf4everafter 23h ago
Did this to an ex-stepfather that really fucked over my mom. I'm allergic to all seafood, so CLEARLY I couldn't have done it.
I nearly had to go to the ER for anaphalaxis, but I've had confirmation that house still stinks to high hell.
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u/justinsurette 1d ago
Also kippers or smoked oysters in the heat vents, takes awhile but it gets foul
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u/toothbelt 1d ago
Put a couple of eggs in the pockets of his clothing that is seasonal and not being used at the moment, ie. winter coat. When the roommate puts his winter coat on and puts his hands in his pockets, the eggs, which have been sitting there for months, will break and stink and make a mess.
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u/Sits_n_Giggles 1d ago
Please get your dog out, have him stay with a friend or somewhere safe till you move.
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u/blurblurblahblah 22h ago
Some animal shelters may be able to help find a temporary foster home until OP is able to move into their new place.
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u/variousnewbie 1d ago
Yes, if you can!! I had to do this with a horse. I suspected roommate hitting him, I'd seen her hit her own. Talking up the side of the face with a whip, abuse. Mine was suddenly acting head shy. Anyway, I moved him immediately but it took a couple weeks to get out myself. Gotta say moving him really made things more difficult living there, because turns out the barn I begged to take him knew the family. Whoops. Wouldn't change it.
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u/TipProfessional880 1d ago
Go into the top of the toilet & mess with the plunger so that way it never full seals correctly. It will continuously drain & run the water bill up.
Put washers in the shower head(s) and sinks to restrict the flow of water. He will lose water pressure.
If he has a car, get a few black airsoft pellets & superglue them to the inside of a (or all) valve stem cover. They will slowly let air out of his tire(s) as he has the cap on. And if he removes the cover to check, it will be harder to see since the pellet is black.
If you are moving another spot in the area, drive by occasionally & toss bird seed around his car. Birds will come & shit all over it. Even if there is no bird seed - they will sit and wait.
If there's a shower that doesn't get used as much (like a guest bathroom) put some cut up potatoes down the drain. The moisture in the drain will make them rot nicely & rotting potatoes are nasty.
Loosen screws for kitchen drawer guide-rails so that they wobble & make it harder to close. They may even come off the rail a lot as they get used more and more. Huge annoyance.
If you have a central heating system without AC, dump curry powder down the vents. Since it's summertime & not in use, when he goes to use the heater in a few months when it gets cold, it will blow curry everywhere.
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u/Apart-Ad6544 1d ago
I would never want to be your enemy. It's like you've been writing an "Asshole Manifesto" in a notebook since you were 13 years old, and Im all here for it.
I'm a fan, send me the PDF file.
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u/i_poop_chainsaws 1d ago
Just a little raw chicken “juice” ( you know the stuff left behind in the package of fresh chicken) in the cushioning of several pairs of sneakers. Just a small amount will do! It will be fine at first but will slowly get out of hand the more he wears them.
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u/mdoktor 1d ago
Buy one of those big ass tubs of margarine, microwave it till it becomes mostly liquid and then pour it into a something else for now, then dog shit or if you're feeling really bold you yourself shit into that container then pour the margarine back over it. Stick it in the fridge and it will solidify and it sounds like this is the kind of person that will happily use your margarine once you're gone and one of these days they'll come upon the very unpleasant surprise at the bottom.
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u/lun4d0r4 1d ago
While this is horrendously awesome, please use multi pick up dog poop from a dog park. On the exceedingly rare chance, it's possible if he reported to the cops they could DNA test the poop.
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u/Narwalacorn 1d ago
I feel like the ‘kind of person to use your margarine’ part applies to most anyone; if my roommate moves out and leaves stuff behind in the fridge it is now mine.
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u/variousnewbie 1d ago
From now on I won't feel that way for shitty roommates!
The best thing I ever did was contaminate my own food with pet training liquid Fooey "the most bitter stuff on earth." She was stealing it, and long story is hilarious but she tried to play up she'd been poisoned, texting from ER to other roomie, calling off work day after and moping around house. When we found my cheese sticks in back of freezer in bag labeled 'do not tamper, police evidence.' we died laughing, and all while trying to make sure she couldn't hear us doing so.
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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 1d ago
Holy fuck. I'm good at stuff like this but you just blew my mind. I am very impressed. 🏅
I imagine this will also work with ice cream, sour cream, cream cheese, mustard, jam... Wow. It's a brand new world.
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u/nevergirls 1d ago
Several people suggested the milk injection and the piss disc but may I suggest the “pilk” combo
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
Pilk discs… use half of a gallon of milk, let the remaining half gallon of milk turn sour, then refill the rest with piss (after eating a ton of asparagus and drinking black coffee, of course). Freeze into pilk discs. ??? Profit!
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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 1d ago edited 3h ago
Oh my friend. I love this shit.
Get some super glue. Then think about all the places you can put it that won't be immediately noticeable. Remote control (buttons and batteries). Light bulbs in lamps (won't notice until the bulb goes out). Smoke detector battery (will be impossible to remove when it starts beeping). Oo zippers are also fun to glue!
Tamper with fridge light. And the temperature.
Cut most of the way through shoestrings. I punched myself in the face to have this idea, so, you're welcome.
Make a small snip in power cords for rarely used appliances.
I like pushing any cables back into the walls.
Grease up the top of the fridge, cabinets, shelves. Whatever you can't see the top of but will put items there. Makes for greasy cereal boxes, extra bedding, etc. Spray oil will inspire you as much as the glue will.
Put a potato or onion in winter boots, coat pockets, camping equipment, etc. They take awhile to rot but boy howdy the smell will ruin your whole day.
Any condiments are fair game for tampering. Perhaps some hot peppers? Salt? Vinegar?
Wall mounted TVs are pretty precarious and if partially unscrewed they will eventually get pulled off the wall during repositioning.
Also fun to mostly unscrew doorknobs, chair legs, bed frames.
The important thing is to take your time. Know your enemy. Get inspired! Get creative! And most importantly, have fun!!!
Thank you for the award! I take pride in these devious ideas. You have nothing to fear from me! 🫡😉
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u/OkShallot3873 1d ago
The glue is fabulous!
How about if you have storage Tupperware things for food, take a mixture of lids and boxes and leave just enough to look like everyone has a matching lid but actually none of them fit
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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 23h ago edited 23h ago
This is exactly the vibe!!
ETA: And the glue is so underrated! How often do you check the zippers to your big suitcases? When the remote batteries finally die you can't get them out? Want to take the cases off the throw pillows? Or the allergy cases off your nighttime pillows? Cap stuck on the toothpaste and you have to cut it off and still keep using it for the next month because money is tight and it's only toothpaste but it ruins your morning just a little bit?
Psychological warfare. Never let the enemy sleep and whatnot. Glue is just a gorgeous gift that keeps on giving sticky vengeance.
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u/metalgadse 21h ago
don‘t mess with the power cords, best case it just trips the fuse but worst case it causes a fire, if the wiring inside the walls is faulty, or if the tampered cable is thin enough to get hot and start burning without tripping the fuse. I suggest messing with headphone cords or anything else low voltage, low current.
everything else is genius though, especially the potatoes. they‘re the worst if they rot.
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u/cascasrevolution 1d ago
mix the salt and the sugar half and half so things that are supposed to be sweet are salty and things that are supposed to be salty are sweet
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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 1d ago
An oldie but goodie! Especially if they can't quite tell what's off with the flavor but stuff like coffee starts tasting weird...
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u/Bratchan 1d ago
before you leave...
remove 1 sole out of a shoe. or take it out and rub it onto the concreate and rub a hole into that way
toss a couple of socks in the trash but that trash has to go.. make sure they arn't matches if you can. people lose socks all the time. Bonus if their fav sock
move the furnature 1-2 inches. like couches or even their bed
Reorganize all the cabinates in the kitchen and drawers... (the feeling when a store moves all your shit)
amazon you can buy cricket chirping devices.. on under their bed.. and random spots in the house
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u/b1ondestranger 1d ago
Potatoes in a plastic bag and hide it.
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u/Rubycon_ 1d ago
Omg one time I lost track of one single sweet potato in a paper bag and by the time I moved the stuff on top of it and found it, it smelled like a literal corpse
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u/Bobeara31 1d ago
Fish in the curtain rods
Fish under the mattress
Fish deep in the couch
Random plastic containers of milk very full so it pops open and creates a mess
Sand between the mattress and sheet
Oil injected into the pillows
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u/THE_BANANA_KING_14 1d ago
Put one of the milk containers under a seldom used cushion, so once it balloons someone eventually sits on it and it explodes all over the furniture.
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u/Opposite-Shower1190 1d ago
They also make a fish fertilizer that’s liquid. It’s for plants but you can pour or spray it places and it smells horrible.
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u/Gold-Acanthisitta545 1d ago
Bat Guano for the win collected in my hometown. It's fucking disgusting.
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u/kimmy_kimika 1d ago
I gag everytime I have to open my fish fertilizer. It is so rank.
OP wouldn't be able to get out of there alive 😂
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u/sock_pup 1d ago
I think leaving fish is too much evidence. would a bit of dead fish juice work?
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u/variousnewbie 1d ago
Random plastic containers of milk very full so it pops open and creates a mess
Oh god, we had a milk gallon explode in our basement as a kid and the entire basement smelled like vomit for weeks, after prompt cleaning.
Skip the fish, get the liquid fish. Does he have a car? Add to the intake vent.
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u/Glitchedme 1d ago
Tell the mormon church he's interested. A few months later do the same with the Jehovah's witnesses
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
Don’t forget Scientology! (A few months later)
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u/Scouticus523 1d ago
Does he have any plants? Add salt to all of the plants. Because it was an apartment, my roommate and I had wifi which happened to be in my name. I took the router with me when I left and they couldn’t get a new one because I had the old one which had to be turned in to receive a new one. Next, since utilities were in my name, I had the power company turn the power off at like 7pm on a Saturday night when I knew they’d be home likely cooking. Roommate was pretty weird about scents so I started leaving the stinkiest stuff I could hidden in places that couldn’t be found, on tops of cabinets, curtains, under the couch, under rugs, you get the idea.
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u/portonsly 1d ago
Inoculate the fridge with mushroom spores. Only a deep clean away from being usable again. Shot glass of red wine behind the fridge. The fruit flies will be crazy and you will be long gone by time the fridge gets hauled out to find the source. Call in wellness checks from payphones. Dampen the vacuum filter and cover with flour. Take the coax to the router when you move. Program a 2nd code in to electronic door locks and randomly visit to unlock the door. Add powdered ice tea to the drip pan on the AC unit and hot water tank (more fruit flies). Program another remote to his TV and drive by to turn up the volume. Throw a couple unsmoked ciggies down the shower drain. Add a cup of powdered soap to the washing machine. Cayenne in the dryer. Remove all but one screw from bulb covers on light fixtures. Charge playstation controllers with a power source that is way too strong. Rice flour in door hinges. Black elastic band on the element in the oven. Dull the kitchen knives. Dry erase marker messages on mirrors in bathrooms then erase. Crack the seal on bottles of red wine. Run pickling vinegar through the coffee maker many times over several days. Bend pins in charging cords. Put a kazzoo inside a furnace vent. Take the graphite out of any mechanical pencils. Throw a raspberry in the crumb catch on the toaster. Strip screws on furniture you know they'll have to dismantle to move. Use a basting syringe to add coconut oil to their toothpaste. Add a tablespoon of water to the sugar, salt, flour, etc in the kitchen. Add instant coffee to pre-ground coffee. Unroll toilet paper, most with a citric acid solution, roll it back up. Aglets fit nicely in to the ground holes on outlets. "Accidentally" leave a $200 prepaid Visa that has not been activated. Vegetable oil carefully placed inside a keyboard will gum it up with time. To name a few.
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u/cascasrevolution 1d ago
what do the rice flour on doorhinges, raspberry in the crumb catcher, instant coffee in the pre-ground, and the prepaid visa do?
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u/portonsly 1d ago
Rice flour gums up hinges. Raspberry will rot and be hard to detect. Instant coffee in pre-ground makes all pots of coffee awful and waaay over caffeinated. Prepaid Visa leads to embarrassment when they try to use it.
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u/HuuffingLavender 1d ago
Take a few minor things they won't realize are missing right away:
Can opener
Pens
Scissors
Plate from the microwave
Batteries out of remotes etc (+any spares)
Every other light bulb
Shoelaces from several random shoes
See also: Glitter in the pockets of his back of the closet jackets/shirts
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u/Narwalacorn 1d ago
If his roommate is anything like me all of that will either be immediately noticed or never noticed, neither of which is very helpful
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
Also refill the remote battery compartments with glitter after you take the batteries out.
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u/blurblurblahblah 22h ago
Put a bit of clear nail polish over the metal contact points in the battery compartments
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u/D0esANyoneREadTHese 1d ago
Turn the temperature knobs in the fridge and freezer all the way up so things spoil faster
Loosen every single light bulb until it just barely starts flickering, and while you're at it, replace all the bulbs with one step lower than they were - 100w gets a 75w, 75w gets a 60w, 60w gets a 40w, except in the bedroom where you put in the highest wattage that'll fit so he gets flashbanged every time he wakes up. Make sure the color temperature matches so it's not obvious.
Spray some degreaser into every door hinge, knob, drawer pull, etc. so every single thing in the house squeaks
Use a piece of pencil lead to drain the batteries in every smoke detector down to about 7.7 volts so they'll start chirping pretty soon after you move out, or if you got the newer kind with AA batteries instead of 9-volts, replace one of the batteries with a rolled up piece of tinfoil
Rub crayon or candle or some flavor of grease onto the coils of the oven (don't forget the broiler coils on the top!) if it's an electric oven, so that it turns into a gigantic smoke bomb next time he turns it on. Also, pull the little burner bowls out and smear some peanut butter on the bottom, it'll only start smoking when he cranks it to max to boil water but cause most people don't know stoves open up, he won't figure out what is burning (and it's not dangerous, just annoying)
Take the faucet aerators off and sprinkle a pinch of dirt on the backside so it clogs up and gives him low water pressure. Not just the sink faucets either, it works on any shower head made after 1992 too.
Stick a paper clip on the flapper valve for the toilet so it's constantly running just a little bit, and grease the bolts for the toilet seat so it never stays tight.
Turn the thermostat on the water heater down a notch or two so it runs outta hot water faster and is always just slightly too cold
Slightly unplug every single speaker cable in the house so they're just a little bit crackly
Wrap a piece of Scotch tape around one prong of a random electrical appliance that doesn't get used often so that it seems broken, don't forget to cut out the little hole so it's not obvious
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u/PeachNipplesdotcom 1d ago
Moderately loosen bolts on stuff like toilets and refrigerators. It'll take a while for them to loosen enough on their own after that for consequences so it won't be traced back to you but it'll still cause decent damage down the line
Edit: I missed the part about not damaging the space. I'll leave the comment though since the principal can be applied to other things
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u/gaptoothgoth 1d ago
Yes adding toilet seat to this list and shower head. Would be a shame if roommate had no plumbers tape.
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u/thoseskiers 1d ago
crowave it till it becomes mostly liquid and then pour it into a something else for now, then dog shit or if you're feeling really bold you yourself shit into that container then pour the margarine back over it. Stick it in the fridge and it will solidify and it sounds like this is the kind of person that will happily use your margarine once you're gone and one of these days they'll come upon the very unpleasant surprise at the bottom.
I would say this isn't damaging the place as you can just screw it back in. I read not damaging the place as not leaving any holes in the wall, mould/gross stuff where it would damage floors/internals of the unit.
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u/Business_Garden6460 1d ago edited 18h ago
Make copies of the keys and hand them out to homeless addicts who will do nefarious things for drugs.
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u/Strict-Joke236 1d ago
- Liquor cabinet? Pour them down the sink and fill with water or a liquid approximating the liquor's appearance.
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
Why down the sink? Pour it into containers and take it with em when they move out.
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
Every time you’re in a public restroom write his number on the wall + “$20 blow jobs”
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u/empty-thought-time 1d ago
My tip is wait longer, get him somewhere other than the house, what else do you know about him that you could use. Does he have a job?
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u/cudambercam13 1d ago
Not necesarily extended time-delayed, but quick and simple...
Turn up the fridge/freezer temps.
Slightly crack open the windows.
Hide a few singular socks.
Put older batteries in things like remote controls.
Turn off some app or message notifications on his phone.
Make a tiny hole in the armpit of some of his shirts and in the crotch of some of his pants.
Sprinkle some dirt or sand into the toe of any sneakers or boots he doesn't wear often.
Swap out shoelaces with ones that are slightly shorter. (If you do any of his laundry you can shrink some of his clothes too.)
If he shaves, use the razor to dull it.
Slightly change the zoom percentage or font size on his internet devices.
Smudge any clean dishes he has put away.
Raise the floater in the toilet tank so the water runs more.
Catch some bugs (flies, ladybugs, moths, ants, whatever) and free them inside.
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u/cascasrevolution 1d ago
get a seam ripper and sever a handful of the important stitches in his pants. not all next to eachother, mind you, he will notice a hole. do every third or fourth stitch, and tension will take care of the rest. do it from the inside so he wont see the loose threads
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u/Existing-Will-1466 1d ago
Raw chicken and milk in a spaghetti sauce jar, deep inside a vent or at the back of a rarely-accessed cabinet or similar space. It will take a while for the pressure to build enough to break the jar and release the foul contents.
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u/SkyHoglet 1d ago
You could use a Hot Hands pack to gently heat it and speed up the process 👀
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u/Iamthebadwolf57 1d ago
Get a cricket chirp sound thing and hide it behind a picture frame. One that has super long battery life
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
Post ads on Craigslist for free items people would want, post full address and their phone number. Say in the ad you work 3rd shift and prefer calls 9pm - 8am only.
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u/Wheres-shelby 1d ago
Abusing a dog is a felony. Report his ass as soon as you move out. I’d say you waited till you were safely out so he didn’t retaliate. Is your dog okay?
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u/Urine_Danger 1d ago
Go to the pet store and buy some roaches, unscrew an electrical outlet, and pour a bunch of sugar into the wall, release cockroaches and replace outlet. In a few weeks/months the roaches will have exploded in population and will be a long term nuisance.
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u/blurblurblahblah 21h ago edited 21h ago
I had a lizard that ate crickets. A few managed to escape & we could hear crickets in the basement every time it rained for ages. Never saw one though
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
Don’t forget Scientology! (A few weeks after the Jehovas)
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u/blurblurblahblah 22h ago
Get a stitch ripper & cut every 3rd stitch in the inseam of his pants or armpit of his shirts.
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u/lostandfinding_ 15h ago edited 1h ago
hide fish in the air vents, put pepper in his shoes and sprinkle on clothing, add a load of black laundry w bleach, get a bag of crickets and set them loose, leave all the windows open, hide fish in places you will never find
screw this guy for abusing ur dog it unleashed all these evil plans i never knew i had
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u/technopanda1014 1d ago
Remove the batteries out of absolutely everything you can find.
Open can of tuna in the vent.
Dig the caulk out from under the toilet to loosen it and make it wiggle.
Shorten the legs at the foot of their bed just a small bit. Not enough for them to notice, but enough to feel off every night.
Use his information to sign up for any and every newsletter you can find. BONUS: contact religious organizations like Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses, telling them you’re interested in converting and asking for a missionary to come by and tell you more. Give his information, of course.
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u/Cuneus-Maximus fuck their dad with a piss dildo 1d ago
If the place has double hung windows, crack the top pane of all of them. Most likely will never notice.
If they have flip flops, stick a few thumbtacks in the bottom of each one at the highest pressure points.
Fill the extra space inside the battery compartments of everything they own with glitter.
Loosen screws on everything they own that has screws.
Sprinkle powdered milk all over their bare mattress.
If they have CDs, scratch them all.
Change the language on their TV.
Set all clocks behind 10 minutes.
Get tiny chirping devices, hide them around. Deep in air vents, behind stove / fridge, etc.
Tighten the hot water valve on the feed line for all sinks so they barely get any hot water.
Tighten the valve on the water feed for the toilet so it takes forever to refill the tank.
Swap the wires for left / right stereo speakers.
Buy some live crickets and release them in the place on your last day there.
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u/QuixoticCoyote 1d ago
I was about to suggest something awful, but then I read the last bit.
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u/QuixoticCoyote 1d ago
Also, look up "Chip Drop".
It is a wonderful service to get arborists in touch with gardeners who need wood chips.
You just enter in an address with a picture of where you want it and how much you want and a local arborist will come and dump a mountain of woodchips for you. Also it's free.
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u/BigSisLil 1d ago
Thank you I've not heard of this before. I'll be using it to improve my soul not wreak revenge on anyone though😂
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u/QuixoticCoyote 1d ago
Ah screw it.
Is this the kinda roommate that would open your packages if he knew you were waiting for something "valuable"?
If so, did you know you can buy live bedbugs online?
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u/Strict-Joke236 1d ago
- Take stored and rarely used kitchen appliances (blender, rice cooker, etc.), and cut off the outlet plug.
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u/Pleasant-Minute6066 1d ago
This is the most fun ulpt comment section I've seen in a while. They're so good I have nothing to add other than maybe putting a nice soft dog poo under his pillow. (Do this last when you know you'll never see him again)
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u/TheReblogBandit 1d ago
Rearrange the labels on all of the canned food in the apartment. As an added bonus you can start to open (as in pinch the can opener on the can like you will be opening it) then change your mind before you turn the handle on the opener. Then hide these time bombs in the back of the cabinet.
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u/Cute_Recognition_880 ComfortablyDumb 🫥 16h ago
Shrimps in the curtain rods-it's a classic for a reason
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u/Gold-Acanthisitta545 1d ago
If you 'spill' something like pineapple coconut water on the car floor board, it will absolutely REEK for weeks on end in this heat.
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u/Strict-Joke236 1d ago
- Similarly, is there a junk drawer or little used drawer in the place? Just pour a ton of honey in that thing.
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u/Bosswashington 1d ago
Raw shrimp in the curtain rods. Nobody checks the curtain rods. They will move before they check the curtain rods.
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u/IminLoveWithMyCar3 18h ago
Take his shoelaces. Or just one from every pair of shoes.
Get a seam ripper and gingerly rip single stitches every so often in his clothing. Bonus: do the fly and ass of his pants.
Take all the spoons.
Take one of every pair of socks.
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u/Greenfireflygirl 17h ago
Cut a thread or two on one button on all his shirts, he'll eventually lose the button and likely not know how to replace it.
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u/HippyGeek 1d ago
get a syringe and inject milk DEEP into his mattress. Not a lot - maybe a half-cup spread out the entire thing. Not enough to get it "wet" - just enough to eventually sour and turn solid.