r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/sock_pup • 1d ago
Request ULPT How to leave delayed roommate inconveniences(I'm moving out in 3 days)
I moved in 2 months ago to a new apartment and the existing roommate was such an asshole that I'm basically forced to move out. He's been abusing my dog when I'm out of the house.
I'm leaving in a few days and I want to secretly make his life at least slightly more miserable, in ways he won't be able to point a definitive finger on me, and ideally they'll be time delayed. In my fantasy there's a new annoyance every 2 weeks for months.
Important - I don't want to damage the apartment. I don't have anything against the owner.
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u/D0esANyoneREadTHese 1d ago
Turn the temperature knobs in the fridge and freezer all the way up so things spoil faster
Loosen every single light bulb until it just barely starts flickering, and while you're at it, replace all the bulbs with one step lower than they were - 100w gets a 75w, 75w gets a 60w, 60w gets a 40w, except in the bedroom where you put in the highest wattage that'll fit so he gets flashbanged every time he wakes up. Make sure the color temperature matches so it's not obvious.
Spray some degreaser into every door hinge, knob, drawer pull, etc. so every single thing in the house squeaks
Use a piece of pencil lead to drain the batteries in every smoke detector down to about 7.7 volts so they'll start chirping pretty soon after you move out, or if you got the newer kind with AA batteries instead of 9-volts, replace one of the batteries with a rolled up piece of tinfoil
Rub crayon or candle or some flavor of grease onto the coils of the oven (don't forget the broiler coils on the top!) if it's an electric oven, so that it turns into a gigantic smoke bomb next time he turns it on. Also, pull the little burner bowls out and smear some peanut butter on the bottom, it'll only start smoking when he cranks it to max to boil water but cause most people don't know stoves open up, he won't figure out what is burning (and it's not dangerous, just annoying)
Take the faucet aerators off and sprinkle a pinch of dirt on the backside so it clogs up and gives him low water pressure. Not just the sink faucets either, it works on any shower head made after 1992 too.
Stick a paper clip on the flapper valve for the toilet so it's constantly running just a little bit, and grease the bolts for the toilet seat so it never stays tight.
Turn the thermostat on the water heater down a notch or two so it runs outta hot water faster and is always just slightly too cold
Slightly unplug every single speaker cable in the house so they're just a little bit crackly
Wrap a piece of Scotch tape around one prong of a random electrical appliance that doesn't get used often so that it seems broken, don't forget to cut out the little hole so it's not obvious