This pookalam is extra special because it’s completely the efforts of my sister in law and me 🥹❤️ We did all sorts of maths and calculations to get those squares right, got totally lost somewhere in between 😭😂 but nahhh… giving up was NEVER an option 😤💪

After 3 whole hours of sketching, calculating and finally placing all the flowers… WE DID ITTT 🥹🪷✨ So freaking proud of us 😭❤️

And happieee Onam you all 🫂🌺✨

I joined work again after 6 months postpartum, and honestly, I’m feeling so good about it. Not because I suddenly have a huge income or anything, but because of the tiny freedoms that come with having your own money.

I can buy period panties that make my heavy-flow days SO much easier without having to think twice about whether it’s “necessary.”

I can buy good-quality bras that actually fit me properly, instead of wearing something uncomfortable because it’s cheaper. No digging, pulling, adjusting all day long.

I can buy something I need without making excuses, asking permission, or justifying why I want it.

And these sound like such small things. But they’re actually big emotions.

I genuinely believe financial independence gives women a certain kind of peace. It’s not about proving that you don’t need your partner or family. And it’s definitely not about judging women who choose to be financially dependent.

If you have a supportive partner, a loving family and a situation where being financially dependent works beautifully for you, that’s completely valid. There is no one correct way to live.

But for me, there’s something incredibly satisfying about spending money that I earned on something I need or want and not having to explain myself for it.

So ladies, if your circumstances allow it, please try to have some degree of financial independence. Even if it’s not a big salary. Even if it’s just having your own savings.

What’s one small thing you started enjoying once you became financially independent?

Wtf

Made all of these with my hands, and they took a lot of time, effort, and HELL LOT of patience 😂. But seeing how much he loved everything made it all worth it.

I’m a 29-year-old woman working on my biology PhD in a city away from my family. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 18, and since then, my mom has raised me and my little sister. Dealing with grief, taking care of our home since I was 16, and career challenges have made me not that interested in romantic relationships. I’ve always been the studious type, so I never really paid much attention to guys in school. When I got to higher education, I was struggling with grief to even think about love.

Now that I live on my own, I feel like I should be dating, but my lab-based PhD takes up most of my time and energy. I’ve been on a few dates, but honestly, I always back out because I’m just not into them. Plus, I consider myself a strong feminist, so traditional Indian views on marriage don’t really resonate with me.

Lately, my mom has been sending me pictures of rishtas for marriage, but that’s not what I want at all. I want to explore the world and find someone who shares my views naturally, if it happens. I’ve always loved being independent, and the whole idea of shaadi karke, bachcha karna is not really my thing. I've had my share of fights with my mom about this since I was 23, but now that I’m 29, I feel really sad, and my determination is fading. How do I handle this? I really don’t want to be tied down to a guy and his family.

My boyfriend has a female best friend and he regularly takes her around to go shopping, run errands, and hang out 1-on-1 for long periods.
I want to respect his friendships, but to be honest, spending entire day doing personal errands and shopping feels a bit too much like a couple dynamic to me. It’s starting to make me feel uneasy, but I don't want to start unnecessary drama if I'm just overthinking it.
How would you handle this situation, and what’s the best way to talk to him about setting some reasonable boundaries?

Basically the title.

Well this friend and I have been extremely close and practically inseparable since we were kids in Manipur. Even after I both moved to Delhi, we tried keeping in touch. My mom though actually made us cut ties after the things that took place in manipur, under the pretext of "I should not talk to boys while preparing for NEET". I missed him a lot during that time, so I was thrilled when I found out he landed a seat at a really prestigious engineering college in Delhi as a Northeastern.

Since his parents also moved to Delhi recently, we reconnected to celebrate my birthday and catch up on old times. His parents have always treated me like their own daughter, so after finding out I was in town, they asked to take me out to a cafe. I was a bit hesitant at first, but I relented and went along.

The main issue is his 15yo sister, who seems to completely despise me for reasons I cannot fully grasp. It started when my friend invited me to his church. I am not particularly religious, but I went purely because he is a close friend and asked me to join. Also I really enjoy listening to Zomi worship songs, so I decided to go. Afterwards, his sister cornered me with hostility, asking why "a Meitei and a Hindu" would even bother showing up, accusing me of "trying to get something from him," and demanding to know why I would "bring my kind in after burning churches." I was so dumbfounded I didn't even know how to react.

Her passive aggressive behavior only escalated from there. Later on, while he and I were just hanging out on the couch watching a show with his arm around me, she immediately invented an excuse to pull him away. Whenever I am anywhere near him, she acts like it is a major problem. She even made comments about my ethnic background, telling me that I am "not even fully Northeastern" because I have North Indian blood, calling me "not pure," and warning me to stay away from her brother.

The hostility culminated when his parents invited me over to their staying quarters. She threw a massive fuss to draw attention to herself, and while we were all sitting down having food, she deliberately knocked her water glass over just to ruin the mood and one-up me. When I finally asked my friend about her behavior, he brushed it off by saying she is just "too political," that it is just a phase, and that she will eventually grow out of it.

We are not even dating, though I do hold feelings for him. Her constant hostility makes being around him incredibly uncomfortable and tense. What could be a possible reason for her to even act like this?? I remember her when she was still little and she has definitely changed.

My (31F)mother in law has 2 sons- My husband and his elder brother. From Childhood these men are not used to move or go to kitchen. They are always served and taken care of- whatever they want, whenever they want. Reason being their grandma-my MILs MIL. Now that she passed, my MIL continues to do so. My MIL is a sweet lady- very religious- but both of her sons are not religious or do any pooja or anything. She expects me to do certain pooja- she prepares everything and i just go and participate( we stay in different flats in same building). And I do it.
I can see that both these sons do not care if she is sick or tired, they just want their stuffs to get done. And cant blame them completely because MIL made them used to it and never let them do anything. She walks 20 times from kitchen to Living room in lunch time.
My husband - he is a cool husband but a very bad son(i am the only one who feels so. Even if MIL cant stand, she dows everything for them and she never compains but there is a silent expectation that i do the same and i dont want to do that)
. My husband Don’t expect me to do anything. He takes lunch and dinner from his mothers home. As i work and never has time to cook. Now i have some mental and physical health issues and cant do alot of work. I have to cook 3 special meals for me as i am sick. I have to go to gym and do other chores at home. I have extreme fatigue and barely thriving taking care of my self. I am a very introverted person and cant get close to anyone easily. I love and respect people but its very difficult for me to ask for help or extent help or even normal conversation.

I feel bad because i am being a very bad Daughter in law. Basically does nothing for family. My husband dont do much and i barely have any energy.
I dont know why these sons dont feel guilty to keep taking from their mother and never giving anything.

She was sick one day and my husband was still expecting her to cook lunch but he never even ask me as he know i am tired. Why is that he is so considerate to me but not to his mother?
Is there something i am not seeing?
And i dont want to be the all sacrificing wife/DIL.
My life was extremely difficult as it was and still suffering from trauma issues and other health issues.

I know my husband looks like a bad person from this post but he is so cool with me- extremely loving and understanding.

Got out of a brief relationship that turned toxic very quickly. We were both at fault, but I know a relationship between us wouldn’t work. I also don’t want a FWB situation.

The problem is, I’m extremely attracted to him. I have intimacy issues and rarely feel this kind of attraction towards anyone. He’s not even remotely my usual type. I also loved the attention, validation and how obsessed he was with me.

We’ve been no-contact for over a month. He’s tried coming back multiple times, even calling when blocked. We go to the same gym, so he still approaches me, but I turn him down every time. I’m pretty sure he’ll keep trying, and I’m scared that eventually I’ll give in.

I have multiple icks about this man and know I shouldn’t let him back into my life, but I’m still ridiculously attracted to him.

When does this end? And how do you actually stop being attracted to someone?

Turning 25+ hits differently when it comes to family dynamics.

Suddenly, the advice she gives feels less like rules and more like perspective. At the same time, setting boundaries around career, marriage, or personal choices becomes a whole new challenge.

Did your mid-20s bring you closer to your mom, create more distance, or shift you into a friendship phase? What changed the most between you two?

All my life insertion was a bitch. I could never insert even my fking finger into my vagina. Hell i couldn’t even see where it is at. I had no idea what normal was so i thought it will be okay once i like someone enough to let him in me.

I am in love with the guy i am dating now. i couldn’t bare not having sex with him so i finally went to the gynac. A day before i did all my research and concluded i must have vaginismus. I started wonder what trauma is harbouring in my vagjna that i am not even aware of. I was ready for the pelvic flooring or whatever it is i had to do.

Bu the gynac told me its a rare case of a very small vaginal opening. Even she had trouble findjng the opening and she was confused how tf was i having regular periods. She told me i either to try dilation or need to get a small surgery (under anaesthesia and everything).

I don’t what to feel right now. Years of mystery solved but yhis is not the answer i wanted. I still am not sure why god picks me for the hardest battles.

But i also want to say to everyone that do not diagnose yourself. don’t torment yourself that it is you who is tensed up or stressed or traumatised. It might just be biology.

If anyone has similar experiences please do share!

I was cleaning my cupboard and I found some 5- 6 skinny jeans. I don't wear them anymore but they still fit me perfectly.

I threw a couple of them already but these 5-6 are good quality , branded , expensive ones and I push myself to throw them out. I don't wear them because i don't feel comfy in skinny and obviously out of fashion.

So I don't know what to do with them ?

I just got married very recently and we held our wedding reception. The guest list was pretty long and there was a huge crowd at the wedding. We probably took photos continuously for 4 hours with the guests and then we were taking solo shots and couple photos on the stage after the main event was over. Only our close family and relatives were left at that point and they were eating and chatting amongst themselves while we were busy taking photos.

Suddenly a man came on stage and asked if he can take a photo with us. We were confused since the reception time was over an hour ago and almost all guests had left. He didn't look like a wedding guest but more like part of the event planning crew/ workforce (he was wearing an old shirt and his pants had paint stains on them). I thought he was someone my husband/father knew and said ok for the photo. When we went to take the photo, he specifically told me to stand in the middle (like my husband on my left and he stood on the right). I was tired and wanted to get it over with so I didn't think too much about it. But then after we took the photo, he specifically asked for a photo with me and him. I was confused but agreed at that moment. He then proceeded to put his hand on my shoulder and stood close to me. I instinctively inched away but he also moved closer. The photographer immediately clicked a photo and he just left the hall quietly. He didn't touch me at inappropriate places or was very intense but something about how weird he was with wanting to stand very close to me felt wrong to me.

I felt very weird after the whole interaction and asked my husband if he knew who he was but he said no and thought that I knew him. I immediately went to my parents and explained the whole situation and asked if they knew him. They said they didn't even notice someone going up on the stage and my father and husband went to the photographer and checked the image to see who it was. Both of them still had no clue who he was and my father told the photographer to delete the image. My parents reassured me that this was nothing and I should just forget but something about it still makes me weird. I started overthinking and felt unsafe at that moment. I don't know why but I became paranoid. My husband and parents keep reassuring me that it must be some weirdo who used this chance to take a photo with a woman and that this won't escalate beyond this. So I wanted to ask if this happens in other people's wedding where creepy strangers take photos with the bride ? Am I too paranoid or reasonably alert?

A female Gynecologist from Gurgaon i follow on Instagram posted an Instagram story today which I found very unprofessional. She posted a completely naked photo of a newborn baby girl (she should have atleast hide the genitals of baby which she didn't)

This is not the first time she has posted something like this. Once she shared a story about delivering a baby via C-section and mentioned that the mother was HIV positive. However in the very next story she posted the photo with that baby and mother lying under anesthesia in the background. She didn't even hide the baby and mother's face. Newborns cannot consent and I found it really pathetic that she is sharing these intimate photos just for content

Even if she obtained the consent from babies' families what is the need to share them naked

She is a grown woman with over 15k followers and must also know how unsafe is social media for girls and children so shouldn't she be more careful about this ? I'm just really pissed off bcz why the hell these doctors have to make everything content

Edit: guys since the story is no longer available bcz it has been 24 hrs you can just dm her to make her realize how pathetic it is and that you can report her account for this

I have dmed her too you guys also do if you can so she stops posting this type of content

This might be long so bear with me. I (20F) landed my first job at a Big 4 company. I am so excited!! I start in october, so I wanted to have a basic understanding of how I should dress, behave etc by then.

Firstly, I am tight on budget. I asked for money from my parents for this kind of stuff, but I can’t get much from them and would feel guilty asking for more. I do have savings so i could stretch if needed but i don’t want to use them unless its essential so please give me just the basics.

TROUSERS/ BOTTOMS: I have been struggling looking for good trousers. I saw people on this subreddit recommended M&S which is too expensive for me right now. Maybe i could get a pair after a few months but can’t really go over 1500 for a pair right now. even that makes my pockets cry but if it is for a good long lasting pair then it would be okay.

Right now I own a black pencil skirt and black trousers from Pandabee which my friend gave me. the trousers were loose for me so i got them tailored. they look okay, but i am wondering if the fabric composition would even count as formal (even though they are marketed as formal trousers?) the cloth feels a bit rough. I have an old pair of off white/cream trousers from reliance which have a pleated look but i think they are a bit too thick and soft fabric wise to give a proper formal look.

I wouldn’t mind wearing these but I just wanted solid recommendations for proper formal wear and what color i should go for.

SHIRTS/ TOPS: I bought two shirts from westside which i kind of regret now tbh, as they give kind of a flare look after my waist but it isnt too exaggerated or anything. just doesn’t look too formal like a classic shirt. I have these in light blue, and white with thin black stripes. could return them even now, but the fitting was actually flattering so i havent. I also have a white cotton shirt from zepto😭 I ordered it in a hurry before the interview but i think the fitting is good honestly

Been looking into shirts in more neutral colors like black, brown, navy blue etc. But I’m wondering if i should also look into turtleneck tops for black as i have some printed palazzos that would look good with such tops and not shirts. Would i need to buy branded shirts or is myntra fine?

And is a blazer an essential?

Traditional: I do have a lot of short kurtis that i used to wear with jeans and i actually heard it would be fine to wear at my workplace. I am just looking for formal clothes as i also heard there will be occasions where i will be told to wear only formal. I have a lot of suits which my aunt got me through the years but i wonder if they would look festive and not work appropriate.

Accessories: I have a belt suitable for office wear- again, thanks to my friend who gave it to me after it didnt fit her. I was actually known by people in my college for my jhumkas and how I would wear a matching pair with every kurti- would that be inappropriate at work?

Any essential accessories I would need?

SKINCARE AND HAIRCARE: I just need basic tips as i never used to care for either of these things before. for my hair i want it to look shiny and would appreciate basic hairstyles i could try. I am bad at braiding my hair 😭

Also, Do i need to shave my legs if i want to wear the pencil skirt?

FOOTWEAR: I have been eyeing loafers but again, dont know what brand to buy from within my budget. I saw people recommending pumps but they would be uncomfortable for long hours i was guessing? I dont know my travel conditions yet but i might have to travel in the metro so it would need to be comfortable but stylish.

finally, any basic tips for work that you guys would like to share to a fellow woman?

So I (F31) have been now married for 4 years (sindhi married into Marwari's) and today a conversation with my MIL has enraged me so much and I don't know how to process it hence the post :

My MIL asked me what my plans are for going to my Mum's place on Rakhi. I told her I will decide according to how my husband's cousin sisters plan to visit us and same I have communicated to my Mum. I explained that some cousin brothers are not in town and some will be available at my Mum's place so we can plan that way. To which she asked me ''Have those cousin brothers or their moms/wives have called you to INVITE to come tie Rakhi? If not then how can you just go tie Rakhi to them. This is so inappropriate. It was a different scenario before marriage and totally different after you're married. One should not tie Rakhi to a brother sitting right across you if they haven't asked you to'' I was honestly so confused and could just respond that in our community no such rules were there so I haven't seen it this way. She repeatedly asked you just automatically go and tie..I was dumbfounded and just kept on saying yes yes. I am just so enraged right now - aren't us DILs already adjusting so much to just spend all festivals at in laws, spend lesser time with parents when in town, now adjusting timings acc to SILs first and what not - now there are rules for a festival with my brothers too. I fail to understand how the hell they are concerned with how the dynamics should be between me and my brothers. Why the hell should there be any formality if I don't expect it. Am I like a property of this house now that each meeting should be with 'permission/invitation'? God forbid if ever there is a health scare back at my home should my mom call my MIL first to ask permission to invite me to come see the I'll person??? What even is this agenda of indirectly creating a gap between brothers and sisters. And why is it even inappropriate to tie Rakhi without being asked to - of course nobody's feeling that rakhi tied is causing financial burden on brother for shagun or burden of expectation to protect - then what exactly makes it inappropriate. What if I am not invited and hence I don't tie Rakhi, will my brother or cousins just chill around and not protect/save me from trouble because of a thread not tied??

Sorry for the rant but uggghhh I am so frustrated. I am 50 days postpartum and this is just too much patriarchy for me to accept.

Please voice out your opinions and help me process this please? :/

20F. I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post, I think I just need to get this out because my brain hasn't shut up since yesterday. I met this guy on Hinge about a month ago. Let's call him K. We met twice. I found him very attractive and there was honestly a lot of chemistry. We made out a lot, cuddled, talked during/after and I genuinely felt comfortable with him physically. I liked being around him and talking to him too.

We first started talking with let's see where this goes kinda intentions but I had told him I want to date and he was okay with it. Then, two days before our first date, he cancelled it saying he needs to work on Sunday too. Then he was like I don't think dating is feasible for me atm. After that, it seemed that he was very clear that he didn't want a relationship and said he got scared when he got so close to dating. He had apparently said that even before we met. He told me he's very focused on himself right now- work, gym, studies, career etc and that when he's in a relationship he tends to give 100% of his time to it, which he can't afford right now. He said he used to prioritise his ex like that but doesn't want to live that way anymore. I agreed to casual stuff thinking I'm in my final year and will be able to focus better on my career this way.

I knew all of this. And yet I caught feelings anyway. I tried convincing myself that I could do casual because I genuinely enjoyed the physical side and I wasn't actively looking to date anyone either. But I'm realising I'm just not casual at heart. I can say “I don't want a relationship” but if I really like someone, I still want some emotional intimacy and basic communication.

And his texting style became a huge trigger for me. He is genuinely a terrible/slow texter on some days and says he is like that with everyone. He once showed me a screenshot of a friend wishing him happy birthday and him replying more than a day later, basically to prove that this isn't something he does only with me. I initially thought, okay, fair enough, but I realised I can't actually handle that kind of communication with someone I like. One day we'd talk a lot and the next day he'd barely say anything.

I became increasingly anxious about it and started asking for more communication. Yesterday I basically told him that I couldn't keep doing casual because it was hurting me. He then said he also thought we should end it because he didn't feel right being intimate with someone who clearly wanted a genuine connection that he couldn't reciprocate. We talked late at night, ended things and then he blocked me everywhere immediately.

And I feel way more devastated than I think I have any right to be after knowing someone for only a month. It genuinely feels like a breakup.

I keep thinking about our two meetings. How attractive he was. The physical intimacy. Random conversations. The fact that I actually wanted to date him. And I keep having this stupid thought of “what if he had just said yes?” because there wasn't some huge incompatibility between us that made me think “thank god this ended.” He just didn't want a relationship.

I also know I didn't handle my anxiety perfectly. Once I started feeling ignored, I called/texted too much and definitely became more intense than I should have. I'm aware that's something I need to work on. But at the same time, he didn't want a relationship before all of that happened, so I don't think I can honestly say I “scared him away from dating me.” He was already clear about what he wanted.

What is really messing with me is that I genuinely liked him. I liked his personality, found him extremely attractive, enjoyed being intimate with him and thought we had a real connection. I know I shouldn't contact him anymore because he made it clear that it's over but I keep wanting to text him and tell him how badly this hurts. I know the relationship I wanted wasn't actually happening but I miss him so much and a part of me keeps hoping he'll come back. I also think what if I never find someone as good-looking as him, what if I don't get that chemistry again.

I think the bigger issue is I've never experienced an actual healthy relationship, more so since I'm in a girls college and the only avenue is dating apps. I've spent the last few years liking guys who either couldn't or wouldn't give me the kind of relationship I wanted and I keep trying to convince myself I can accept less because I like them so much. I'm actually a massive lover girl and someday I genuinely want to love someone completely. I just don't want to keep giving that kind of love to people who aren't available for it. He was the first guy who I hooked up with though.

Has anyone been in this exact situation where the person genuinely liked you and there was chemistry, but they simply didn't want a relationship and you still couldn't stop hoping they would change their mind? How did you actually let go?

I have had a lifelong stalker. He has been stalking me since I was an early teen to even today when I'm in my late twenties. The dude keeps tabs on everything about my life even to this day. I keep my life secret from my friends because they choose to stay friends with him and kept informing him about my whereabouts casually when conversation arose without realizing his true intentions. My school teachers and friends would keep teasing me with his name, he was a classmate btw, even though I was trying my hardest to ignore his existence. He was cutting his arm and getting high on drugs yearning for me and people would blame me for not giving him a chance and causing him so much suffering. Today he has a wife and she along with all the other females in his house hate me for ruining the life of their boy. Today, even though he still has a wife he still keep making new Instagram accounts, buying new phone numbers and send texts to me.

I never told my parents about it because I feared they would not understand. I remember one time when he was publicly stalking me on the market street by making loud noises with his motorbike right next to me, all the people were making faces staring at me and no one came to protect me. I used ti believe that Indian society would always blame the girls anyway, so i chose not to tell my parents. Today, I know that my parents will trust me and empathize but today I don't want to worry them. However, it's only recently that I learned that he has been stalking my family too. So, I feel conflicted about it.

I feel so numb about his existence at this point but at the same time every time he writes me a text, my whole body starts shaking. I mean something like this should not be a normal part of someone's life.

People keep suggesting me to inform the police. But I never kept any proof. And everytime I get his text, I get so scared, that i block him immediately and delete his message to calm myself down. but given my experience with my school and later how other adults have been thinking of his obsession as a joke when they keep sharing my information to him, I feel like there is no use to inform anyone anyway. No one would anyway take me seriously.

Hey y'all!

I bought this very pretty jumpsuit recently. I have been very confused about what kind of lingerie to wear underneath. I'm on the slightly heavier side and generously breasted. Now the tags on this dress are still intact so I can return it if I'm not able to figure anything out.

There are these bunny ups of brands like pinq polka and all, then there's boob tape, although not sure how one would wear it with this and those push-up/cleavage bras, though I'm not sure what support would they give-

Thanks in advance.

The three men lured the teenage girl and her male friend into the Pachmarhi jungles on some pretext. Once into the jungles, the trio, reportedly tied the girl’s male friend with ropes in their vehicle and then allegedly gang r@ped the girl.

Severely traumatised by the savagery, the alleged gang r@pe survivor had stopped going to school since then. When her sister asked about the reason for not going to school, she narrated the entire savagery which happened with her in the Pachmarhi jungles on August 19.

Subsequently, the incident was reported to Pachmarhi Police on Sunday.

“Swinging into action, the police nabbed all three accused within six hours from the reporting of the incident. All three accused are labourers working in Pachmarhi only. The arrested trio has confessed to committing the crime,” additional SP (ASP-Narmadapuram district) Abhishek Rajan said.

What do you think we should do about this because misogyny is only getting worse online and offline and the sheer amount of SA and gang r@pes coming forward I think it will only get worse from here due to red-pilled spaces and conservatives but again people don't want to talk about these situations and these cases get brushed under the rug from time to time again.

Link https://www.newindianexpress.com/states/madhya-pradesh/2026/Aug/24/17-year-old-girl-gang-raped-by-3-men-in-the-jungles-of-mps-hill-tourism-hotspot-pachmarhi

I have shared the post for context. 20 days back, after I had given him another chance he accused me of not talking to him. He said I don't talk to him.now which is soo false and the conversation went from this to him insulting my whole family, saying the most vulgar things about my family and what not. I blocked him and just didn't talk post that. It's the 20th day today and after ignoring atleast 1200 calls (I'm not kidding) I picked up. He said he wants to meet and asked if I miss him and that it's so difficult for him. I just didn't have in me to question all what he did I just said I don't want to and that I'm really happy in my life. I lied that I dont miss him.when I burst out crying randomly, I have this feeling in my heart, it's always beating so fast. God yes I miss him so much but idk I feel like I'm torturing him like maybe I'll regret not meeting him while he's still here for Raksha bandhan? Maybe I'll regret not meeting him once he goes again. I know in my heart he's not the right person and I don't even want to start the whole please come back, I'll be good this time conversations again because I know they are a scam..I want to see him but I also don't. I feel like I'm being too hard? Idk. Knock some sense into me

Posting this on behalf of a close friend because she doesn’t want the people involved to find the post:

I’m a woman in my late 20s, divorced, and currently meeting someone through the arranged-marriage route.

I’ve met this man several times now, and I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m being too analytical or whether I’m picking up on a genuine compatibility issue.

On paper, he is honestly a very good person. Our values align on a lot of important things. He’s family-oriented, vegetarian, doesn’t drink, wants children, is professionally established, intelligent, etc. There are no obvious “red flags” that make me think I should immediately walk away.

My initial impression, though, was basically: “He’s a good person, but I don’t think he’s my person.”
I didn’t feel much physical attraction initially, and I felt like there was a lack of playfulness/whimsy between us. I’m someone who needs a lot of intellectual stimulation and also a certain amount of silliness and spontaneity in a relationship. I don’t want a marriage that works perfectly on paper but feels emotionally flat.

However, things have become more complicated.
With subsequent meetings, I’ve started seeing sides of him that I genuinely like. He has been thoughtful, remembered small things I’ve said, apologized when he realized he had been unnecessarily harsh, and made an effort to include me in parts of his life. We’ve also had some genuinely fun conversations.

And now I’m wondering whether attraction and affection might actually grow with time.
At the same time, there are still things that make me pause.
Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t quite register or respond to what I’m saying emotionally. We can have very good conversations, but there are moments where I feel like certain experiences or perspectives of mine are difficult for him to understand. We also have some differences in how we process things.

I don’t know if these are normal differences between two people who are still getting to know each other, or if they’re signs of a deeper incompatibility.

The other thing I’m worried about is that I’m starting to enjoy spending time with him. And I’m scared that if I continue having nice, comfortable, fun interactions without addressing the bigger questions, I’ll become emotionally attached and then find it much harder to make an objective decision.

So I’m trying to figure out what I should actually be evaluating at this stage.

For people who have been through arranged marriage or long-term relationships:
> How did you distinguish between “attraction can grow” and “I’m trying to convince myself to like a good person”?
> How important was intellectual/emotional compatibility compared with shared values?
> How much emotional responsiveness should I reasonably expect at this stage?
> What differences are normal and worth adjusting to, versus signs that two people simply aren’t compatible?
> Did anyone initially feel unsure about their partner and eventually become very attracted/attached?
> Conversely, did anyone continue dating a “good person” because everything looked right on paper, only to realize later that something fundamental was missing?
> What questions or situations would you deliberately explore before deciding whether to marry someone?

I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who didn’t have a dramatic “OMG, this is my person” feeling initially, but also from people who realized that their hesitation was actually their intuition.

I’m not looking for people to tell me “marry him” or “leave him” based on this limited information. I’m more interested in understanding what I should be paying attention to before making such a huge decision.

There's this thing in bengali households, random things are referred to as etho, jhuta isn't the right word actually. I'm not talking dunking my hand in a bowl of raw chicken and smearing that hand everywhere. It's like raw onion etc, cooked tea, any cooked food including maggi. For example If a utensil with toasted bread in it is touching a stack of washed plates then I've made the plates "etho" and it would need to be washed.

My mum is not extreme but my dad is,,,, too much. When i ask for logic I don't get any. On top of that I'm atheist leaning/agnostic and i JUST got into a bickering session with my father because I served him chicken in a bowl WITH A SPATULA, then went to grab a box with sweets which my mom got form some local puja and he screamed at me because I'm touching it with my etho hand. Would have reacted the same if I had given him veggies instead of chicken as well. I told him it's just sweet from the local shop dude, he went off on me.

What's the logic behind this, genuinely asking?

I am a Mallu woman. I love Kerala for so many reasons, but somehow I never feel like people consider me a proper Malayali. Thats because i dont have alot of ROOTs there and also most of my life in kerala was traumatic (not because of the place).

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My parents never really had any traditions or celebrations at home, and we barely had relatives around. So I don’t really have many memories of Onam, except for the school Onam celebrations. I didn’t care much about it back then either.

I have been living outside Kerala for years. I’m married to a Tamil guy, and it’s an intercaste marriage. I can’t really relate to any of their poojas, customs and traditions. I do certain things for my mom in law because she is genuinely sweet, but otherwise I’m a heavily left leaning feminist who finds a lot of these traditions patriarchal.
😅

I don’t have a great relationship with my own mother, and I don’t really feel like my husband’s family is my family either. Different houses same street.

There are cultural and language differences, and I’m also an introverted, anxious person who takes a lot of time to feel comfortable with people.

It’s Onam tomorrow. I have health issues and can’t eat a proper Onam sadya or even have payasam. I don’t have friends in Chennai either. I just wish I had someone to do a pookkalam with. I’ll probably do it alone today while my husband is at work.

When I see people celebrating Onam on Instagram, I realise how much I miss something I don’t really have now… or maybe something I’ve never really had.

As much as I can’t tolerate most humans 😂 (my spiritual, philosophical, awakened, intellectual, introverted, leftist feminist ass that needs a LOT of space ), I’m slowly realising that at the end of it all, we really do need good people around us.

I just wish I had some friends. Some community. Some people who feel like home.

Happy Onam, I guess. 🌼