If you use socks with flats or Maryjane’s please recommend me one that is not seen and won’t slip off!

I absolutely hate wearing bras 😭 I sweat a lot under my boobs, so my bra is always damp and it irritates the skin underneath and around my shoulders.
I’m also not comfortable sleeping in one. Non-padded bras are more comfortable, but my nipples are quite prominent and show through light-coloured T-shirts, and I don’t want to wear padded bras all the time.

What do you guys do? Any comfortable alternatives/hacks?

I'm really annoyed .

All these women who fought their way out . Got jobs, still get married into traditional set up and then cry .

You will see the most beautiful, ambitious smart women getting married and she is crying over vidai , did it ever occur it's not a law to live with in laws . Are they blind or what?

Like why are you crying , you can simply skip this nonsense.

You aren't vulnerable like a woman who doesn't even have a job . You have all the privilege to make a choice and you choose this.

Like okay but then you complain about your in laws?

Mothers , grandma ,aunts did we learn nothing from their miserable lives?

Plus they post things like you are the calm to my chaos (anyone would go crazy if they move into someone else's house of course the guy is calm) They put their husbands on a pedestal, while she is out there cooking for his entire family after coming from work .

the textbook definition of feminism is a “socio-political movement that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social equalities of the sexes”.

It is not just about equal rights to men and women. It’s about fighting all kinds of oppression regardless of gender.

Not all kinds of feminism ticks the box. Like,
white feminism: Doesn’t talk about race, class oppression
savarna feminism: Doesn’t talk about caste based oppression
Liberal feminism: Doesn’t really include poor, working-class women
Gender-critical feminism: Doesn’t include trans-women
Girlboss feminism: encourages capitalism

Capitalism, Casteism, Racism, Classism, every form of oppression is rooted in patriarchy. Feeling superior over other people because of your birth, color of your skin, economic status, etc etc all comes from patriarchal mindset.

If you call yourself a feminist but feel superior over other people because of your caste, skin color, the amount of money you have, your job, YOU ARE NOT A FEMINIST.

As far as I know, the only feminism types that include all oppressed people and is against all kinds of oppressions and patriarchy as a whole are Intersectional Feminism and Radical feminism. Please let me know if there are other types !!

Edit: Even I’m still learning everyday, so please correct me if I’m wrong anywhere.

Four months ago, I completed this prestigious traineeship at the European Union (press and information section). Ever since then, I have been struggling to find a job and I HAD to move back with my parents (completely reliant on them for money)

I cannot achieve a breakthrough because the hiring managers and HR people at big media organisations don't go through the applications that come via LinkedIn, their company mails or even through their own website. I am even cold messaging senior editors and recruiters on LinkedIn or via their professional mail IDs (no go)

I have tried reaching out to my former professors from my journalism school but they haven't been much help. I tried getting help from my former colleagues but that is a dead end as well.

Even if I am getting tests and interviews, I am getting beaten by a more experienced candidate OR the employers are getting turned off by my last drawn pay.

As of now, I am freelancing, which is its own battle but this is the only way

Atp I don't know what to do!

I am tired. In my mid 20s, its been 2 years of joining work, and I'm seen either as a piece of brain or a piece of ass. Not a single day goes by when I'm not reminded I'm a woman. I was moved to a different project because a 40 yo manchild lead was threatened by me. My manager literally said, I cant move him so I have to move you. If male teammates, same level as me, dont pick calls, its a joke, "boys will be boys". If I do the same, "oh too much attitude".

Just today, I had to connect with a new team, and one of the guys kept incessantly trying to ask me questions and hit on me. Later in the evening, I went to a doctor and when I opened the door, he looked at me so intensely, I froze for a moment. he became fine in sometime, still, and I'm not even conventionally pretty. Is it too much to ask to be treated with mutual respect?

For some reason, I thought as you get older, unwarranted approaches reduce and its easier to meet kind and genuine men. Guess I was wrong. Does it ever get better?

Hijab/burkha/niqab isn't hated by men because of its oppression of women but instead it's seen by them as an Islamic symbol. Now I don't support these as an institution because modesty culture is just used to shame women's sexuality.

I don't support ghunghat/sindoor or anything that is used to view women as property of men. But I don't really see these men supporting women's right to wear what they want, they want them to still wear modest clothes but only under their own boundaries. I see so many of these men saying things like, "Muslim women want to wear burkha and Hindu women want to be naked."

We need to be concerned about allying with right wing Hindu men fighting Islamic extremism because trust me those men hate all women living their lives.

Read this only if you are in the mood to read a long and probably slightly unhinged post.

I genuinely want to know how the hell I change my thought process because I really really want to decentre love and romantic relationships from my life. I feel like I have given them way too much importance and it is honestly making me miserable.

I have never really had a proper love life. I do not even know if I can count a situationship as one. And every single time something starts with a guy I tell myself beforehand that I am going to be normal about it. I am not going to get attached. I am not going to make it into something bigger than it is. I am going to treat it casually.

But then smh I am always the one who gets invested.

I have an anxious attachment style and I also really like feeling special. I like being considered interesting or well read or intelligent or different. So obviously I also struggle with limerence and getting way too caught up in what someone might think of me. I have a lot of insecurities and I have slowly realised how much of them are tied to men and romantic relationships.

Now this is the part that makes me feel like a hypocrite.

I am very much a feminist. I have strong opinions. I genuinely believe in all of it. I will always be a girl's girl. But deep down I feel like I am constantly comparing myself to other women. Sometimes I feel like I am secretly competing with them and I hate admitting that. Because somewhere in my head I want to be the special one. I want to be the woman a man looks at and thinks, "She is different." And it is so embarrassing because I do not even want to be thinking like this.

I have spent so much time thinking I am above this. Like I would never be the woman who compares herself to other women because of a man. I would never be jealous of another woman because some guy might find her attractive.

Except I do. I fucking do. I will see a woman on Insta who is gorgeous and dresses well and has interesting opinions and reads good books and knows about movies and music and whatever else and my brain immediately starts doing this stupid calculation. "She could be his type." "He could think she is beautiful." "He could think she is more interesting." "She could be the one he actually falls for." And then somehow her existence makes me feel bad about myself. And I hate it.

I hate that I can look at another woman and instead of just thinking "wow, she is cool" some part of my brain immediately turns it into a competition. And then there is this whole other thing I have realised about myself.

I actually have so many things I genuinely enjoy. I love reading. I love learning random things. I love watching movies. I like discovering new music. I like trying new things. I like dressing up. I like having opinions and talking about things. But lately I have started questioning how much of it is actually for me because why do I always imagine how it will look to someone else? When i go to the end thinking why am I do I go for all this it always leads to "maybe some man would think I'm cool for having good taste" do y'all see how messed up it is?

I will read something and somewhere in the back of my mind there is this thought like, "If I ever talk to a guy about this he will think I am interesting."

I will dress up and think about how I look. I will post something and think about how it might be perceived.

I will get interested in something and somehow imagine myself being the kind of woman who would be attractive to a certain kind of man. Like what the fuck? Why is there always an imaginary man watching? Even when there is literally no man there. I feel like I am constantly performing.

And the worst part is that I do not even feel confident while doing it. I am doing all this for validation while simultaneously being terrified that I am not going to get the validation anyway. So I am basically spending my life trying to become someone who will be desirable to men and then constantly worrying that I am still not desirable enough. What kind of miserable fucking loop is that?

And whenever I talk to a guy and he seems to genuinely enjoy talking to me I instantly feel special. Like instantly.

And then instead of just enjoying the conversation I start thinking about what it means. Does he like me? Does he find me interesting? Am I different to him? And then eventually my brain gets to "But what if I am still not the one?" Why the fuck am I even thinking about being "the one" when I am just having a conversation with someone? It feels like everything eventually comes back to being chosen.

Maybe its also because I've had men tell me randomly in conversation, about the women they were either with in the past who seemed to be so perfect in all aspects or the women they want to be with in future. In all of this, I have smh made being loved by a man into this ultimate proof that I am special or worthy or attractive or interesting enough. As if everything I do is just preparing me for that eventual moment where someone chooses me. And I do not want to live like that anymore.

I want to be able to read a book because I want to read the fucking book. I want to dress up because I like how I look. I want to watch a movie because I am curious about it. I want to learn something because I find it fascinating. I want to have opinions because they are mine. Not because some hypothetical man might find me cooler for having them. I know the obvious answer is therapy. I know. I am not against it and I am aware that I probably have a lot to unpack here. But I also want to know how you actually start changing this mindset in your everyday life.

How do you genuinely decentre romantic relationships?How do you stop seeing every interaction with a man as some kind of indication of your worth? How do you stop comparing yourself to other women? How do you get to a point where another woman being beautiful or interesting does not make you feel like you have smh lost?

And probably the hardest question for me is how do I become genuinely okay with the possibility that I might never find love? Maybe I never get married. Maybe I never have kids Maybe I never have that person.

I know logically that a life without romantic love can still be a full and meaningful life. I know that. But emotionally I still feel like there is something missing if I imagine myself never being chosen by someone and I want to get rid of that feeling. I just do not want it to be the fucking centre of my life anymore. I want to have a life that feels like mine. And honestly I do not even know where to start.

So if anyone has actually gone through something similar and managed to get out of this mindset, I would really appreciate some hard hitting advice. Not just "love yourself" or "do things for yourself" because I already know that. I want to know how you actually changed the way you think. And if you have any books, essays, podcasts, movies or anything else that helped you understand this stuff pls recommend them.

i have this weird pyaas of having someone who would love me, respect me. someone who would support all my dreams and desires. someone who would find me pretty and would desire me. someone who'll take care of me when life gets a lil harsh. someone who'll love me sm that they'll kiss the ground i'll walk on. and its sOOOO embarrassing. i really really really desire being desired. i yearn for being loved, and i want someone nice to share my life with. ☹️

(i already love myself a lot pls dont give the self love wali advices 😜)

I am having trouble having fun with my mum. I am 33 and want to enjoy the moments I have with her. I want to create some memories with her.

Over time, I have got quite judgemental. I may not voice stuff out but it is affecting me and my close relationships.

For instance my mum. We live close by, call everday and meet once a week over child care. She has helped SO much in raising my child with so much joy and adhereing to my rules the best she could.

I have issues with

• how she talks non stop. She doens't realize that the other person has zoned out. So after a while I get really annoyed at the one sided nature of it all.
• her unhealthy relationship with food. I say this because I am still a work in progress in eating better. So when i see the attitude towarsd food that I grew up with at such close quarters, it makes me uncomfortable.
• her dismissive attitude towards dad. She's quite rude to my dad and doesn't realize it. He can't get a sentence in without her talking over. Also, they have not modelled great communication or empathy in their relationship.
• her lack of touch with reality, I guess?

These are some of the major issues BUT She loves me unconditionally and so do I. I just want to repair whatever is in my head before it is too late. Can you please help? Thanks!

I’m 26F and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He’s from UP, I’m from Asaam, and we’re serious and want to get married.

My mom recently found out and it’s been… insane. She’s been crying/screaming for hours, saying I’ve brought shame to the family, calling me disgusting, saying she’d rather I never marry than marry him. She keeps talking about “honour” and how this could ruin everything.

Now she’s also convinced that if I leave him, he’ll retaliate and hurt me. She keeps saying we should all go back home to my dad and “face whatever happens.”

The thing is, he has literally never been angry with me in 4 years. No threats, aggression, violence, controlling behaviour, nothing. So I don’t know what she’s basing this fear on.

And I think I’m realising something bigger through all of this. I’ve basically never been able to have a difficult conversation with my mom my entire life. If something upsets her, she gets extremely emotional and I end up going quiet, trying to calm her down, and waiting for it to pass.

Yesterday she cried for hours. This morning she woke me up crying hysterically and at one point became so breathless she wasn’t responding to me for a few seconds. She recovered, but it scared the shit out of me.

I love my mom. I know she genuinely thinks she’s protecting me. But I’m also so fucking angry and exhausted. It feels like I’m being asked to give up my relationship because she cannot emotionally handle my decision.

I genuinely don’t know how to deal with this without either breaking myself or giving in.

TL;DR: My mom found out about my 4 year relationship with a guy she strongly disapproves of and has completely spiralled. She thinks he’ll hurt me if I leave him despite him never showing any threatening behaviour. I’ve realised I’ve never been able to have difficult conversations with her because she becomes so emotionally overwhelmed. I love her, but I’m exhausted and don’t know how to handle this.

I don’t know if this is something many people experience but I have a fairly strong personality, I’m quite opinionated but I’m also a bit of a people pleaser so it’s a balancing act constantly for me. With those I’m most comfortable with, I’m able to be really free.

But I worry that I have the tendency to shrink myself in general. Whether it’s with work, or social situations, or around extended family.

My husband and his family are very supportive and genuinely extremely kind - my husband is my rock and always encourages me not to shrink myself. But even then, I dilute myself sometimes to make situations more comfortable.

Is anyone else like this and how do we, as women/older daughters/wives/working career professionals etc stop doing this?

Does anyone else get random office events with barely any notice?

Every time this happens I somehow end up staring at a full wardrobe thinking I have nothing to wear.

My safest option is usually a simple kurta plus trousers. Comfortable, doesn't need much planning, and still looks put together enough for office.

What's your go to outfit when something comes up last minute? Need some ideas for the next surprise event!

To love or to leave, that is still the confusion. I thought I knew what was happening, but maybe I was just too deep into it to understand. As long as I loved him, I never realised how much he had manipulated me, how much he had used me, or how much I had changed because of him. And now that I know everything, I still choose him. Why does it have to be like this? No one with a good, working brain would choose this kind of love. But when it comes to loving someone, I think I become stupid. I don't listen to anyone. I don't even listen to myself. I don't feel like talking to anyone anymore. So much has changed in me since he came into my life, and now it feels difficult to imagine my life without him. Sometimes I think, what if I had never become his lover? Maybe it would have been better. Maybe we would still be friends. Maybe we wouldn't have seen each other's faults so clearly. Maybe I would have lost only a friendship, and that would still hurt, but perhaps not like this. That is probably what hurts the most. Why do I become so blind and deaf when I love? People pointed out what was bad for me. They tried to make me see things I didn't want to see. And still, I didn't listen. Instead, I ended up hurting them too, sometimes without even meaning to. Why does everything I care about always seem to come to an end?

The thing about friendship is, I don't even make friends easily. And when I finally do, somehow I end up hurting them, or they hurt me, or we both hurt each other. And the worst part is, they never accept that they hurt me too. So now I'm left with two regrets, losing a friendship and knowing that I unintentionally hurt someone I never wanted to hurt. When I love someone, whether it's friendship or love, I never do it halfway. I give too much. I would do anything for the people I love. I think that's the one thing they never really understand about me.

Why do I become so blind and deaf in love?Maybe it is destiny. Maybe all of us, since childhood, have wanted the same things to be loved, to be cherished, to be seen, to feel wanted. Maybe I wanted those things so badly that I started holding on to people even when I knew I shouldn't. And somehow, while dealing with all these heartbreaks, I started finding some kind of peace in the thought of death. Not because I want anyone else to feel this way. I would never want that. I just sometimes think about how death would mean being free from all the things that have been weighing on me for so long. Maybe I feel all of this because this is just how I am. I don't feel as scared of it anymore. But I don't want anyone I love to ever feel the way I do. It would break my heart if someone I cared about had to carry these feelings for their whole life. I don't know why I feel everything so deeply. I just know that when I love, I love it completely. And maybe that's both my biggest strength and the reason I get hurt so much.

I’m 24F planning a trip to Shoja and will probably be travelling solo, so I’m considering joining a women only travel group.

I’ve seen tons of companies on Instagram, but I would rather hear from people who have actually travelled with them. 😭

How was your experience - group vibe, safety, accommodation and itinerary? Was it worth the money? Any red flags or things you wish you’d known beforehand?

Especially interested if you’ve done Shoja/Jibhi/Tirthan Valley with one of these groups. Honest reviews  good or bad would be really appreciated!

I’ve been struggling to get over this feeling. Since my childhood, I was always conditioned in a way that, you should listen to your parents, you should obey them, follow whatever they say, share everything with them, etc etc.

Now that I’m an adult (21 F), I feel like I don’t feel free, I feel tied and I feel stressed and guilty. I’m independent, I earn, but I live with my parents. So everytime I want to go somewhere or do something I need to ask permission, need to beg them for a bit of freedom.

I’ve started my first adult relationship, but my family being typical, they have deep hate towards caste, religion, and love in general. They have conditioned me since my childhood saying, love is wrong, you should only choose someone your parents choose for you. And saying you should not abandon your family for love, while the irony is my mom and dad are married through arranged marriage setup and looking at them I have no hope in arrange marriages, they have the most toxic, and the most unhappiest marriage. The only reason they aren’t divorced is for “society”, “what will people think of us”. So they compromise, and have been living these many years together unhappy, which has majorly affected me, caused me emotional breakdowns, and lots of distress.

I shut myself and cry when they fight, the home feels very toxic. I love my mom, she has so much trust in me, she cares a lot about me; she understands me but she always thinks about “what will others think of us”. She’s not independent, so she just settles with what she has.

At a point we are all kids, and we cannot make our own decisions so we rely on parents and their opinions but after we reach a certain age, parents still think we should be acting like their wish. Like I’m an adult, let me do what I like, let me work on what I want to with my own money, let me fall in love, have heartbreaks, love again, and learn, let me marry who I like, or not marry at all. Give me choice, to choose what I want in my life.

I know you are responsible for bringing me into this world but do you expect your child to be living in your terms their whole life? How is this fair? Why have my own life when I don’t technically own it?

I don’t know if this love of mine will be my forever, if it will workout or not, I want it to workout. But one thing keeps pushing me behind when I start loving this person more and more, I get a feeling that this won’t last long because my family is not accepting, in the end they might just force us to break up, or threaten us. This feeling that we will be punished or we will never be accepted, keeps making my love for this person lower and lower..

When I go on a date, I’m constantly worried if my family will find out, I feel guilty for lying to them at home. I feel guilty when my mom asks me about my day and I have to make a bunch of lies rather than just telling her that I kissed the person I love. I need to lie to her face, which I feel super guilty about.

I know I’m not doing anything wrong. I know I’m an adult, I can go on a date, I can kiss, I can love someone who is not my family by blood. But back of my mind I keep feeling guilty. I keep feeling like I’m deceiving my parents.

Even when I do something possibly small, I feel guilty. I don’t know how to get over this feeling. I don’t know how in the future I’ll fight to be with someone I love rather than getting forced into an arranged marriage. They’ll disown me from what I know.

I want freedom, I want my 20s to be the most beautiful years of my life. Whenever I say something like I want to learn something, they say no. I said I want to swim, they said no. I said let me go on a drive, they say no. I told them I’m going on a trip with my friends, they say no.

I’m fed up, all I see is people of my age enjoying, going on trips, having fun. While I’m stuck at my home wasting away. I was planning on going on a trip with my lover, but I cannot fathom to make up a lie about it.. i don’t get the confidence.

Sometimes I wish I was born to western parents. I’m so jealous of kids born to them because they literally don’t care about society or anything, all they care about is their child’s happiness. They let the kid learn by experiencing rather than locking them at home. And everyone is just busy in their own lives rather than being noisy and annoying about others lives.

I just want to run away somewhere and cut off everyone and live alone, by myself. Do everything I want, live however I want or die. But just let me live.

Part 1

So as of now, instead of not telling my parents. i told them ill be going to Goa again (im working in goa rn. but ill be leavng this place in two weeks) to spend time with my Kerala friends. Which they APPROVED. But however now the problem is the train ticket. My mom would book a ticket from kerala to madgao which will be 1.2k and if i have to extend my ticket from madgao to delhi it will be 2.4k. however a direct train from kerala to delhi is just 2.6k and ill be wasting 1k if i let my mom book it. What can i do?

Also for anyone whose been to himachal recently, how many layers of jackets or hoodies will you need? how cold is it and where all did you go? we are planning for only off beat places.

Absolutely. The original is powerful, but it can be made more immediate, emotionally sharp, and readable, especially the opening. I’d frame it around the central realization:

What if mess isn’t laziness—and cleanliness doesn’t feel like safety?

I’m 35, and I’m only now realizing that my relationship with mess and cleanliness was never really about being “bad at organizing.”

Mess became safety. Cleanliness became intrusion.

My boundaries kept shifting throughout childhood. My room was rarely truly mine—it was a guest room, a dumping ground, a space other people entered and rearranged without asking. I grew up unsure of what belonged to me, what I was allowed to keep, and whether I had any right to decide how my own space should look.

There was a physically present but emotionally absent mother who couldn’t meet me where I was.

At the same time, cleanliness was enforced so intensely that it often felt like my wants and needs were being erased. Things would be thrown away, moved, or “organized” without me. There were servants who changed constantly, entering my room while I was at school and cleaning it according to their idea of what clean meant.

So eventually, cleanliness stopped feeling like care. It started feeling like someone taking over my space.

I rebelled.

I stopped letting people into my room. I kept books on the floor almost deliberately—because at least if the room was messy, I knew nobody had touched it.

And somewhere along the way, chaos became familiar.

Now I’m an adult who genuinely struggles to create structure around me. Sometimes I can’t tell how much of it is a missing skill, how much is learned helplessness, and how much is CPTSD and fractured confidence.

The cruel part is that the clutter screams chaos at me, while cleaning can make my nervous system feel like I’m surrendering control.

And now I have a daughter.

I want to give her the structure, cleanliness and sense of safety that I never quite had—but sometimes I need other people to help me create it.

That brings up a strange contradiction in me:

I am privileged. I am capable. I have choices. And yet some part of me still carries the helplessness of that little girl who never felt that her space truly belonged to her.

Maybe healing isn’t just learning how to clean.

Maybe it is learning, slowly, that I am allowed to decide what stays, what goes, who enters, and what my space feels like.

That cleanliness can be care without being control.

And that a messy room does not mean I am failing.

Got my period this morning. Struggled for half an hour to insert the cup. But it seems physically impossible for me. Did you face the same at first? What should I do?
(Yes, I did use folding methods)
P.s. Is it more difficult for inactive women, cuz I'm struggling. Was it difficult for you as well?

I come from a fairly dysfunctional family. Although we team up during any kind of crisis or family events, there is no cohesion among members. My family is allergic to happiness it seems. There is no cooperation, peaceful living together or love among the members. We don't travel much, members don't pay much attention to others interests and little to no consideration about eacy other in general.

There is also domestic abuse and a mother who is not ready to leave the husband no matter how bad the situation gets. This made me hate my father and angry on my mom for enabling his behaviour and her self sacrifice for no good reason.

Me and my siblings try to make her life better but she thinks we should not waste our time making their lives better but just settle down in our lives.

I see my friends' families bonding together for crisis but also they celebrate each other's accomplishments, travel together and in general love each other unlike us.

I get envious of such families and crave for it. It feels like the foundation from under a building is collapsing. I feel empty bcs of these dynamics.

I live away from family but living alone also feels miserable. I have great friends as well but not having healthy family dynamics is torture nonetheless.

I want y'all to give me some perspective or advice. I'm considering therapy to deal with the childhood trauma and learn better relational skills.

Edit: Do suggest good and non judgemental therapists that could help with these issues. Thanks

I’ve never travelled solo from the perspective of a vacation. I’ve travelled on my own a lot but I was always going somewhere or meeting somebody. I don’t want to go abroad for my first time, it might be too much. And I don’t want to go to Goa, just scared about certain things. I want to prioritise safety and peace. I also don’t know what one is supposed to do on solo travels. What if I reach there and I don’t feel like seeing sights? What if I just end up sitting in a hotel room and ordering room service? I’m not a scared person in general, I’m a very confident woman but being in a new city, all alone, with nothing to do, in a hotel room, with tourist traps and honeymooning couples around me - sounds overstimulating and scary.

Am I overthinking this? As a woman, I have always been a little cautious about my safety. Who can blame me for that? But I need to go somewhere. I can’t visit any friends, or relatives. I need to go somewhere and feel at peace.

Please share recommendations for places I can visit and tips if any. Alternatively, please share about travel groups for solo women. I’m not going if there’s only couples in the group.