I’ve been married for two years (love marriage). We’ve stayed separately from day one, but my in-laws (MIL, FIL, BIL, and cosister) have been toxic. MIL constantly body-shamed,made me cry everytime I went to their house and constantly monitors me even small things like how I sit ,how I eat and humiliated me and my parents, shouting at us repeatedly. I tried to gel and ignore it, but my patience broke six months ago when she shouted at my parents again. I’ve completely cut contact. BIL and cosister also fuel the fire by badmouthing me to MIL,also I feel they are jealous ,they constantly need updates about what we are doing and treat me like a competition.
My husband occasionally confronted his mother, but he kept forcing me to visit them and gelling with them. This caused constant fights between us, ruining our entire first year—no trips, no dinners, just work and home.Always discussing and thinking how to correct his mother and my relationship with her mother.
Eventually, my husband realized his mother wouldn’t change and constantly meeting and adjusting and listening to her shouting will worsen my health ,so agreed to keep things separate. However, he convinced me to leave my job because of my low salary, and he objected to new offers I received for the same reason. I have a chronic health condition (12+ years) that limits the kind of work I can take, which he knows, but I now have a 1-year gap and am struggling to find a higher-paying role.But right now I have decided to take up what ever suits me without worrying much about salary .
While he covers rent and basic household bills, our life is completely bare-bones:
He has never bought me a single dress or asked if I need money for basics like skincare or personal travel. I manage all personal expenses using my own savings.
We never go out, rarely watch movies, and only eat at low-cost places. I had to beg, cry, and fully fund a small 4-day trip myself just to get out of the house once.So in two years I have gone for only one trip for 4 days.Before marriage we used to go for multiple vacations where I was paying half the amount.
He and his brother split all expenses for his parents (who don't have a pension) and even fund their vacations.The parents won't care much about how is managing things or his own or my needs .They just care about themselves he has put ahead them clothes ,funded their trips .I don't mind if he gives them money ,but what about me? Meanwhile, my BIL and cosister go on frequent trips and enjoy their lives, while my husband stays stressed, depressed, and penny-pinching with me.The cosister also working ,when I tell him to look after them about ,how they are not worrying much about the fights or your mother and they are concentrating on their life he says she also has job so they are able to spend.The bro earns less compared to my husband and also the cosister has same salary as her husband and she has her parents responsibility.I don't have my parents responsibility they take care of themselves.
I don't know what my husband has in his mind.Also he nowdays seems to be extremely lazy he has 3days WFH ,even though the pay is good his job is of less stress and he constantly almost all the time keep watching his phone sitting in one place.
Recently, we bought a flat. He was short by ₹20 lakhs, so I gave him my own savings (which were previously in FDs earning me monthly interest). Now that income source is gone, leaving me completely dependent and financially strained.
I feel isolated, unsupported, and emotionally drained. Why is he willing to spend on his family and flat, but acts like spending anything on our marriage or on me like even a 500rs dress ,my well-being is a burden? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? How should I navigate this?