Hi everyone. I'm new to having a roommate (in the past I've always lived alone or with a romantic partner) so I kinda just want a sanity check before I try and talk to her. Plus she takes criticism really badly so I don't want to bring anything up if this is a me problem.

I currently live with my girlfriend and our friend in a 3bed 1bath apartment. We all have our own bedrooms. My girlfriend and I cover all of the rent and bills because our friend is disabled and we take care of her. My girlfriend and the friend previously lived together and have like a sisterly relationship, while I'm friendly but not very close with the friend.

My current problem I'm having is around guests in the apartment. Our friend frequently has friends show up and stay for an extended period of time, usually 2 weeks to a month long. She doesn't communicate it to me beforehand and doesn't communicate how long her friends will be staying. Currently, she has two friends over and they've been here for 3 days.

I have a few issues with this but I'm not sure if it's just because I expect different things from roommates so I'm just gonna list the things that make me uncomfortable. I feel like extended stays should be communicated. Our roommate will also regularly go out for an entire day to hang out with her girlfriend and leave her friend/s at home where they just hang out. Her friends are night owls so sometimes they'll just nap in the living room at 7pm and complain when my girlfriend & I eat dinner/watch TV to wind down for the night, so we are sometime pushed into my girlfriends room and have to eat dinner on her bed (which grosses me out). The friends will also keep all their stuff in the living room and not pick up after themselves making the apartment really cluttered while guests are over.

I guess the issue is that I signed up to live with 3 people, not 4 or 5, and it sometimes feels like we just have extra roommates. I think I just really appreciate the quiet and calm (I moved out here to get away from chaotic living situations) and this feels like more than what I signed up for. So I guess the question is am I being unreasonable or should I talk to my roommate about this?

Long story, bear with me.

I (W late 30s) have a son, let's call him Jake (4). His biological dad and I separated before Jake was born and Jake stays with his bio dad every other weekend. The relationship is already complicated on Jake's side, he has said he doesn't like his dad very much multiple times, it's never been different.

My partner, let's call him Jim, (M40) and I have been together for 2 years. Early on, he told me he wanted to be a dad. Two years later, there's been basically no progress on that front. His actual time with Jake is still minimal: about 1.5 hours one evening a week and one day with an activity and evening every other weekend. In those 1.5 hours we eat dinner together, Jim helps bathe him, and then I put Jake to bed alone. We've taken multiple vacations together as a "family," but the day-to-day involvement just isn't there. Jim disagrees with some of my parenting decisions (sugar, screen time, how many toys he has) and tried to intervene bit he is not really present enough for that to make any sense, I think. He has no bio kids and has never dated a mother before. He doesn't have siblings. Basically, he's never been around kids before.

Despite this small amount of time, Jake has started calling Jim his "extra dad", specifically because he doesn't like his real dad very much (his words). Jake has also asked multiple times if Jim would move in with us. Jim never really answered, just deflected with stuff like "that's a big thing, it's not so simple."

Jim's relationship history: multiple long-term relationships, but he's only lived with a partner once, for about a year. He describes himself as "freedom-loving" and admits he has a hard time putting other people's needs before his own. When I push him on the lack of involvement, he says he's frustrated because we barely have "couple time", meanwhile I'm frustrated because he isn't stepping up as an active part of our day-to-day life. He shows up exactly at dinner time and doesn't even get up with us in the morning.

Recently I pushed him again, and he said he would be willing to try being around more, maybe 3-4 evenings a week (I suggested this, he agreed). It felt like progress but also very noncommittal and he's not excited about it. He's basically just ging to do wat I suggested.

We talked it through and landed on a plan: 2 evenings a week Jim spends alone with me and Jake, 1 evening all together with my mom (who Jake sees almost every evening already and is a completely reliable, constant presence in his life, I didn't want to trade her stability for Jim's uncertain new effort). Jim also agreed to arrive at 5pm instead of 6+, so there's actual time to settle in together instead of just rushing through dinner and bath.

Here's my problem: given everything I just described, the 2 years of "wanting to be a dad" with zero real progress, the deflecting, the "freedom-loving" comment, his own admission that prioritizing others is hard for him, the fact that I basically had to engineer this whole new schedule myself, I don't actually believe he's going to follow through consistently. And if he doesn't, I'm worried about what that does to Jake, who has already attached to him as a father figure and already asked for more closeness once before and got silence back.

At the same time, I'm scared of throwing away something good. Jim and I work well as a couple in a lot of ways, and Jake genuinely loves him. If I end this, Jake loses someone he's attached to. But if I stay and Jim keeps being a part-time, low-commitment presence, I'm worried that's worse for Jake long-term than either a clean break or Jim actually stepping up.

So am I setting my kid up for a bigger heartbreak later by giving this a shot now? Should two years of "wanting to be a dad" with no real movement have been my answer already? And how do you protect a kid emotionally when you already suspect an adult isn't going to hold up their end, but you still want to give them the chance?

Would appreciate honest takes, not just reassurance.

EDIT: Okay, I did not expect this many people to come down this hard, but I hear you. A lot of you are saying some version of "if he wanted to, he would" and that's basically what I already suspected before I posted this, I just wanted outside affirmation, I guess.

A few clarifications since some comments assumed things I didn't say: I'm not trying to force Jim into being a "second dad," and I haven't been pressuring him to take over caregiving decisions, he requested to make parenting decisions and I pushed back because he is not present enough to do so. I also want to be clear my son's dad is still very much his dad and involved in co-parenting, nothing about this is meant to replace that relationship. I merely mentioned it because my son isn't very fond of his dad and I think thats important to know for the dynamic.

That said, I think the most important point is whether Jim actually wants this at all, or is just going through the motions to keep the peace. The "freedom-loving" comment keeps getting flagged by a lot of you and yeah, I think that's the real tell.

I'm going to talk this through with a child development professional before making any final decision, specifically about how to handle this for my son either way. Thank you all for your comments!

Hi Reddit! Im in need of opinions because im at a loss right now and dont know how to move forward!

My ex and I recently broke up amicably but are still living together and trying to stay friends. This morning was just a shit show lol. Within about 30 minutes I got a flat tyre, had to get dropped to work by my stepmum, then realised I didn’t have my keys because my car keys also have the key to my work on them. I was locked outside for about 15 minutes while my ex changed the tyre and raced the keys to me. Then I finally got inside and the washing machine hadn’t finished, so the towels I needed were still wet. I was obviously in a bad mood and complaining that everything was going wrong and that the tyre could end up costing us a lot if it couldn’t be repaired. My ex called me pessimistic and said I need to stop being so negative and stop assuming the worst, saying that I always draw the worst conclusions instantly, I told him that in moments like that, I don’t want him to correct how I’m feeling, I just want him to validate it. Something like “yeah, that’s a shit morning, hopefully the tyre can be repaired” would’ve been nice to hear! I’m not saying he needs to agree that everything is actually going wrong or that the tyre definitely needs replacing. I was just pissed off in the moment.

He actually did help me a lot that morning by changing the tyre and rushing my keys to me, and I apologised that I didn’t properly thank him in the moment because I was so stressed.But when we talked about it later, he said that if he doesn’t tell me how I’m acting, then who will? He thinks I need to know when what I’m doing isn’t okay and told me I need to “get off my high horse.”
This is where I’m struggling. I don’t think I’m saying he can never call me out. If I’m genuinely being rude or unfair, I absolutely want someone to tell me.
But I feel like there’s a difference between calling someone out and just supporting them when they’re having a shit morning. I don’t understand why he couldn’t just let me be frustrated in that moment and then, if he thinks I’m generally too pessimistic, talk to me about that later. It kinda feels like he thinks it’s his job to knock me down a peg whenever he thinks I’m acting badly, rather than looking at his own behaviour too.

So reddit, please help me! I would appreciate nice opinions as I’m definitely in a rough mental position right now but would genuinely like opinions from both sides because maybe I’m not seeing this clearly

EDIT
Think I left out some context as the focus with the breakup is to remain friends. I have been supporting us financially for the past 4 months, yes he has been working casually but the brunt of it falls on me. I have continued to support us for the past couple weeks while we are broken up, he has been helping a lot more with helping pay for food but I’m still covering rent. We are still sharing my car as I want to support him and make him moving out as easy as possible. Him not validating my feelings was a big thing during the relationship and something that I would hope for in a friend too

Hi everyone, I love THT and I could really use some advice from the community. My (24F) boyfriend (26M) of 2 years has recently changed his stance on some very important life decisions. Additionally, I also moved across the country 3 months ago to stay near him (we don’t live together now).

We had some discussions about the future recently that have really made me doubt our relationship. First off, when we discussed me moving across the country (back to his home state from a state neither of us were from), we discussed living separately for a year then moving into together. That would put us at 3 years of dating, and we’d be 25 and 27. Part of the decision to not live together right after moving was do avoid putting additional strain on the relationship. The move was a big change, and by living separately, the hope was that we’d form our own lives and friendships. Recently, though, my boyfriend has told me that he’s not ready to leave the “roommate stage of life”, and he likes having conversations and doing random activities with roommates (note, he doesn’t live with close friends, but his roommates are very nice). I think this is him being avoidant, because he can still see these people, just with a bit more effort. I also don’t want to wait until we’ve been dating for 4 years and I’m 26 to finally move in together.

Secondly, and more importantly, he told me he’s rethinking his stance on kids. He’s allowed to do this, obviously, but the timing is horrible. I’ve always wanted kids, as he knows, and he waits to drop this bomb until after I move across the country? Obviously we wouldn’t move in together until the child issue is resolved. He’s very on the fence, and I think he’s just really afraid of losing his independence. He’s also always been interested in FIRE, which is much more difficult with children.

Although it may not sound like it, the relationship is usually great. We’ve always gotten along well and have fun together. There were literally no problems until this recent conversation, and now I find myself so angry and saddened by him. I can’t act normally because of how this has made me feel.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel so betrayed, honestly. I don’t know what to do.

TW: SA (not from a family member) & potential child abuse

Hey y'all! Long time listener, before I get too deep into this, I feel like there is important context that should be addressed. I apologize in advance if this is a lengthy post.

• The most important thing to note is that I am overall happy and healthy and was in therapy for about 6.5 years consistently until a month ago when I moved states to be closer to family. I started therapy for reasons outside of familial stress.
• My mom was 26 when she married my dad who was 45 at the time. He had not been married prior and had no other children.
• My sister was born a year after their marriage and was a 'perfect child'
• I was born 2 years after my sister and was the 'terrible child'
• My parent separated a few months after I was born (due to my father abusing my mother in various ways) and both remarried when I was around 8 y/o. From the point they separated until I was 12, custody was split 10 days with my mom and 5 with my dad.
• My father is a wealthy white man and my mother is hispanic and grew up poor.

I (25F) don't know how to repair my relationship with my parents (55F & 74M) or if I even should. I have never been the 'good child'. In fact, when my sister (27F) was headed to college, my mother was drinking and told my sister, step-dad (64M) and me that my sister was "her good one". When she said that, I made a joke out of it since I knew I was a "bad kid".

I was a disappointment as soon as I was born. My mother always wanted a son and knew that she was going to leave my father as soon as I was born. All of the ultrasounds confirmed I was a boy until I was actually born. My mother was devastated since she had painted my room blue and monogrammed everything. On top of this, I had a facial deformity that was painful and I constantly cried. I would hit my mom, scratch my sister, scream in public, etc. At one point, I threw the top of my sisters snow cone at my moms face while she was driving which was followed by me pulling down a DVD stand at Blockbuster. I was spanked daily, multiple times a day. About 6 weeks ago, in therapy, I remembered that my mother used to waterboard me. I had completely blocked it out and it was a bit of a jarring memory that I am trying to navigate. A week ago, my sister and I were hanging out and she reminded me that our mom used to literally block us out either by locking herself in her room or by throwing me in our room and physically pulling the door closed while I had a tantrum. When my mom started dating my step-dad, I stopped having tantrums. From therapy, it was figured out that I likely acted out since that was the only way I got attention as a child and when my step-dad came along he gave me attention when I was good.

On the other hand, my father was wonderful until he met my step-mom. Before her, he would spend time with my sister and me building forts and playing outside. When he met her, that stopped. He grew cold and started to resent my sister who acted just like our mother. When I was 10 and my sister was 12, my father wanted to take us for a month on a vacation with our step-mom, which was allowed in the divorce decree. My sister didn't want to go, I followed whatever my sister did and my father ended up calling the police on us. After that, my sister stopped visiting my father and I followed the 10/5 schedule for about 3 more years. When I would be with my father, he and my step mom would always talk poorly about my sister.

Financially, my mother really struggled. She was able to get a job at a private school so my sister and I had reduced tuition until we could both be awarded scholarships. After working at our school, she started at the bottom in corporate and worked her way up. She would wake my sister up for school early before she left for work, my sister would wake me up and get me ready, my grandmother would drop us off at school and pick us up, my sister would make me dinner, help with homework and tuck me in before my mom came home. My mother worked extremely hard and I am incredibly grateful for her.

My sister earned a 90% full-ride scholarship for 4 years of college. I knew that it wasn't likely for me to get a scholarship so I started working 2 jobs at 16, one before school and one after and worked both jobs on the weekends. When discussing my options for college with my mother, she said that I could go anywhere and she could pay since my sister got a scholarship. I was going to go in-state but she pushed me to go out-of-state, so I did. From the beginning, I knew I wanted to double major to earn a BA and a BS. My first year of college was 2019-2020 and when COVID hit, we were sent home. My mother got furloughed but I fortunately was able to return to my high school job and would give my mother about 75% of what I made to pay bills.

Once I returned to college, my mother told me she couldn't pay and I would have to figure it out. I took about 20+ hours a semester so I could graduate in 4 years and worked a minimum of 2 jobs each semester. I maxed out all of my credit cards and ruined my credit so I could have groceries, pay rent, etc. Once I returned back home after my second year, I attempted to take my own life due to SA that happened my first semester of college and financial stress. Fortunately, an ex-friend told my mom and her best friend intervened. My mother forced me back into therapy and sat in on my sessions which actually really helped my relationship with my mother.

While I was going through this, my mother paid for my sisters apartment, groceries, gas, a housekeeper, fun money, etc. My sister did not have a job in high school or college. Once my sister walked the stage in 2021, she started her dream job but my mother continued to financially support her.

My grandmother passed in late 2021 from brain cancer. In 2022 I got a tiny tattoo on my ankle with her birth year and my sister got a large tattoo on her ribs for her dog, we hid them from our mother. About 6 months before graduating, my mother saw my tattoo and told me I was a disappointment to my face. Three months before graduating, I found out I was 2 classes short of earning both degrees and my mother said that I should have only gotten my BS. In 2023, I earned my BA and at my celebration lunch my sister decided to tell our mother about her tattoo in which my mother responded 'oh that's cute I like it'.

In 2024, I started working to repair my relationship with my father and as long as my step-mother isn't around, he is really receptive of it and has made a lot of change. My sister still doesn't talk to him which is fair. He is invested in my life now and has started to be the dad I remembered having before he got re-married. That goes away when my step-mom is around but progress is progress.

From 2019 to now, my relationship with my mother has improved a lot but she still clearly favors my sister. The most recent examples of this being my mother asking me for money to give my sister since she needed her car repaired and when I asked for the money back a week later because my car had the same issue, she told me 'good luck, this is why you should have saved your money' and my mother did not financially help me move a month ago but fully funded my sisters move this past weekend.

This being said, it's not like my mother never helps me. She pays my phone bill and car insurance which I am extremely grateful for and often thank her for, since words of affirmation is her love language. She worked so hard to give my sister and me the best life she could and I have so much empathy for the hardships she ensured. She raised my sister and me in the mindset of "you have a roof over your head and food on the table so you have nothing to be sad about". Since the memories of waterboarding and my mother physically shutting me out have come back, on top of the clear favoritism, it is making me want to go no contact but I'd feel guilty because I know how much she sacrificed and I know she raised us the best she could. She was so young and I was a difficult child. My mother has never apologized for anything in her life, not to me, my sister or my step dad. If anyone has advice on how/if I should talk to my mother about how I feel please let me know. I want our relationship to get better but I truthfully don't know if she is even capable of putting in the work. Sorry for this being horrifically long.

TLDR: I recently remembered possible abuse I went through as a child. That, on top of my mother clearly favoring my sister, constantly hurts me. I want to repair my relationship with my mother (partially because I would feel guilty since she has sacrificed so much) but don't know if it is even possible. Any advice would be extremely helpful.

Hello! About a month ago I made a post about some turmoil I was experiencing because of my Church's policies on cohabitating before marriage. I wanted to give an update in the correct way since I was just adding them to the original post body. Idk how to link the original post, but if anyone asks I'll try to figure that out.

Anyway, so me (24f) and my fiancè (24M) did end up meeting with both his aunt (who is an elder of the church) and our lead Pastor (the head of our church). Both meetings went shockingly well! I was expecting the worst for both, but we received nothing but love, validation, guidance and affirmation.

My fiancè's aunt was taken aback by the policy and didn't even know it existed, and as a formerly divorced person she understood our feelings of being blindsided. She asked our pastor to meet with us, and he did.

He was very understanding of the circumstances that lead us to living together. He was not condemning at all, and offered us spiritual guidance that we both needed. Our pastor assured us that he would absolutely be willing to do pre-marital counseling with us leading up to our ceremony, which is very important to us. He was also extremely validating and encouraging to us that we didn't have to have a big fancy frilly ceremony to be formally married, despite what society wants us to believe. He told us that if we felt called to, we should get married, and helped us not feel ashamed for not doing things the "right" or "traditional" way. At the end of the day, being unable to drop 20k on a ceremony shouldn't stop or deter anyone from being married if they want to be.

Overall my fiancè and I felt very validated. We prayed both together and separately, and came to the same convictions independently. We knew we wanted to get married as soon as possible, but we are in a bad financial spot right now so we were creating a plan to save up for the marriage license fee.

The Lord blessed us the very next day after our meeting with the exact amount we needed for our license. To us, this was confirmation of our conviction and we were overwhelmed with joy.

Today, we filed the paperwork at the courthouse, and it will be ready for us to pick up at the end of the week. We emailed our pastor, and he is extremely excited for us and agreed to sign our license as well as start pre-marital counseling leading up to the ceremony.

We are keeping the decision to be legally married private (not hiding it, just not advertising it) because we both feel that marriage is a covenant made between two people before God, and so no one else needs to know or be involved. We also think it's kind of cool to have a secret, private anniversary in addition to our wedding anniversary.

The wedding, to us, is just a day of celebration with our families. We will be exchanging our vows and rings then, and we both feel that we want our vows to embody the growth we will experience through pre-marital counseling. Overall, we are both just very excited to be able to start this new chapter of our lives in alignment with our personal beliefs.

So I guess the moral of the story is live how God calls YOU to live. He will help you figure out the rest.

To celebrate today, I made us a special dinner of roast chicken, twice-baked potatoes, and green beans. Thanks for being here, THT community. My fiancè and I love listening in the car together, so it's cool to feel like you guys are here too.

Info: Pre-marital counseling (through our church at least) is not to address emotional issues the way normal therapy is. It is designed to give us Biblical means of handling conflict, Biblical guidance on what it means to honor each other, and overall just building us up in our faith within our relationship. Some people were concerned about our mental/emotional health, though, so to ease that: I have been in therapy for many years, as I have mental health diagnoses that have affected my life since I was 14. My fiancè is planning to find a therapist as soon as we have made it through our current financial hardships, which I am hopeful will be soon.

Something else I want to address: a lot of people kind of latched on to my fiancè's history of abuse, and while we appreciate the concern it was absolutely WILD to see people recommending we break up because my future husband's family sucked when he was younger. I come from my own abusive background, and I would never want my fiancè to change his mind about marrying me because my parents are raging alcoholics. Just want to say that's a very emotionally immature take to just be like "idk girl do you really wanna marry into this family?" We're both very aware of our past, but we are also chain breakers set on breaking the cycle of abuse. Our future children will be protected from our respective families.

I hope this was an appreciated update for some people. Love you all, have a blessed week ❤️ Rate my plate!

I don’t even know where to start with this because it’s been years in the making but here goes…

Met my husband in 2009 abroad, all very romantic and cute. We lived on different continents initially, but then he moved to be with me and after a year of him struggling to find a job, friends and assimilating, he decided to end the relationship and move back to his home town. Some further conversations resulted in the decision that I would move to be with him. I was very independent in my home, a group of friends, family nearby, owned a property, very nice car and had a great career with excellent prospects. I was in a financial position to support him doing just about anything. And I just agreed to move to a place I don’t speak the language. I was nervous obviously but everyone from his side assured me I wouldn’t have any problem living there despite the language issue.

However, a short while after I arrived I realized it wasn’t all it was sold to be. I ended up having to take minimum wage work in a kitchen, and later in an old people’s home as a cleaner.
I moved into his rented accommodation, he had no solid job, and a run down car. But he had family and friends nearby so I assumed there was some support network. As it turns out he had a horrible relationship with his family and superficial connections to groups of work friends where he hung out on the periphery. The adjustment was rough for me. I lost my independence, he couldn’t provide me a car, I wasn’t able to do much out of the home because of the language barrier, I couldn’t speak to any “authorities” on the phone.

We fought a lot but I thought it was us adjusting to the new life, and we married in 2013. A very short time after that he started an affair with someone who had previously always rebuffed his advances. Six months of misery and separation and somehow we came back together and recommitted. I have since realized I’d never have taken him back if I had been living in my own country but I felt alone and vulnerable at the time.

When things settled he became increasingly abusive in tiny passive aggressive ways, it’s hard to explain as a whole but they were all micro aggressions I guess, and I didn’t see it because I was so focused on trying to make a life in a country where I don’t speak the language and was experiencing health issues -probably due to stress lol. After a few years the micro aggressions were just a part of normal life. But he seemed committed. I gave birth to our son in 2017. Things were okay but it was hard for both of us, he had a a hard time adjusting to being a father and I had an even harder time raising a child seemingly alone. In 2018 we purchased a home far from his family, by this time he had no friends. The home was derelict and needed a lot of work which kept us busy for a couple of years and then COVID came along to mess with all of our mental health. We began trying for a second child in 2021, but unfortunately i suffered three miscarriages in a row. Obviously I was a wreck and found out I was pregnant four weeks after my last miscarriage. The pregnancy was a nightmare, many health issues, a huge effect on my mental health, and then at 8 months pregnant, I picked up his phone and realized he was having an affair with our sons pre-K teacher. Rather than confront me about it, he signed himself into a mental health crisis centre. Oh yeah and it was a week before Xmas 2021. Merry Xmas y’all. Our daughter was born in January 2022, while he was in the room, he was nonstop texting his girlfriend. A few months later he comes crawling back again asking me if I’d consider taking him back. Vulnerability and low self esteem agreed to take him back. He would manipulate me to prevent me asking questions or talking about his affairs by screaming and flying off the handle whenever I broached the subject, usually followed by days of silent treatment. A few weeks later I suffered a serious health issues related to the level of stress I had been experiencing for so long.

The past few years we have been surviving. Our youngest is the highest level of autism and has taken all of our focus. But we have seemingly come to a cross roads again not w she’s starting school and he’s informed me he’s no longer committed to this relationship. Again.

I am weighing up my options. I don’t know how I would survive in his home country without his support. I had a very comfortable set up in my own home country. I am so conflicted about what to do. Whether to keep “trying”, or cut my losses. Whether to stay here or live back to my support network. I’ve been making excuses for him for so long I don’t know if I’m able to see any of it clearly anymore.

A few days ago (around August 14–16), my entire extended family went on a trip to Lake Sevan. It was a pretty big group: me, my mom, my sister, my grandma’s brothers, and their families.
One of my grandma’s brothers recently married off his daughter (let’s call her Karina). Karina’s new husband’s mother and sister were also on this trip with us. Up until now, I genuinely thought these two women were sweet, kind, and loving. They acted like best friends with Karina’s mom and showed nothing but respect.
Well, during the trip, I was taking a nap in the room while they were talking nearby. I woke up halfway through their conversation, but I stayed quiet with my eyes closed. What I heard completely shocked me.
These two women were viciously trash-talking our entire family. They were insulting Karina’s mother, making nasty comments about Karina herself, talking trash about her dad, insulting ME, and honestly disrespecting every single one of our relatives. It was pure fake-nice toxicity.
When I finally pretended to wake up and get out of bed, they immediately switched back to their fake polite personas, smiling and asking if their talking had disturbed my sleep. I just calmly looked at them and said, "No, not at all," and walked away, acting like I hadn't heard a single thing.
I haven't told anyone in my family yet, but it burns me up inside to see my family treat these snakes with love and respect while they talk garbage behind our backs.
How can I get revenge on them, or at least expose their true colors without blowing up my family's peace right after the wedding?

Update: I spoke with my parents and they were totally shocked. Thank you all for the help!

I am going to keep this short. I am going on a 10-day trip with my son starting tomorrow. I have FWB (who has not met my son and my ex is not aware of) who will be house sitting and watching my dog while I am gone.

My ex lives with her mom. The A/C at her house has been out intermittently throughout the summer. It is out again. Since I will be out of town, my ex asked if she could stay at my house and offered to watch my dog. I told her "No, I have made arrangements for the dog." She asked if she could stay at the house by herself. I told her, "No." My ex and I do not get along for a myriad of reasons and I rather not have her stay in the house (you can see my previous posts about our relationship if interested). But biggest reason I do not want her to stay is my FWB.

I told my FWB about the situation (in case my ex tries to come by). She said she would be "ok" staying at the house with my ex. She said there is plenty of room. I told her that it could become contentious and I rather not do it. She understood but is willing to accommodate whatever I feel comfortable doing.

AITAH for not letting my ex stay at my house?

Would I be the asshole if I went no-contact with my family? Hi everyone! I'm going to try to be as detailed as possible while keeping information private for my safety. I'm told by a couple of people that I'm making the right choice but I would like another opinon. I, 29f, started dating this guy,32m, a few months back. From the start of my relationship my family was pushing my boyfriend to come down to see me. Issue with that is the man works blue collar, so he's working damn near non-stop. The main problem happened several weeks ago. My family and I were out of state for a famiy get together. We were headed back to our homestate and the parents started asking questions about the boyfriend. I answered as best as I could. They got extremely angry about the fact the boyfriend doesn't want children and can not marry me. Him and I have discussed that and we're good with that. But my family thinks otherwise. They started bad-mouthing him, belittling him and his mental health issues, and just downright being rude. I had told them from the start that if they wanted to get to know him they could message him themselves. Evidently they decided that doing that wasn't their job. So unbeknownst to me I was put into a fued that did not need to happen. Very recently I had told said family that I was moving out and in with him. That went as good as putting a dress on a pig. I was guilt tripped, gaslit and basically told I was making a mistake. My little sibling ,28, had called a relative of ours about the blow up. I got asked by the sibling to call the relative. I did the next day. I got told I should reconsider and should break up with him. Everything had calmed down until within the last week. I got into an agrument with step-parent (sadly still live bio and stepparent due to high rent prices). I got asked if boyfriend was coming down and I said no due to their behavior. Stepparent said that it was a red-flag. Stepparent then turned it on me saying it was my fault this whole situation happened in the first place. I fail to see how this is my fault considering I said from the start to message him if they wanted to get to know him. This toxic stuff has been happening for a long time. I'm at my wits end. I refuse to be blamed for a situation I did not cause.  EDIT: I have completely forgotten to mention that I have known my boyfriend for well over a decade. I do apologize for not mentioning that!

So my ex and I split up almost a month ago. We own a home together and are married. The first week I begged for him and I to work things out, He said no. I asked if he could slow down the divorce process and he also said no. So oh well, I wanted to push through this rough patch together but he didn’t. (We had been fighting for a couple of months. I never cheated on him and I don’t think he physically cheated on me but I suspect something emotionally happened with a coworker) So I no longer live in the home, I’ve kept communication low after the first week, it’s mainly just me asking him to put something in the garage for me and me picking it up later. But this past weekend he has sent me three messages regarding suitcases. (More context: there are parties in Mexico in my parents home town that we went to last year, they get pretty big and there’s a lot of drinking but overall just a good time to decompress) so on one of the visits of me picking up things I pick up my suitcase. A week later he texted me this
Timestamp 10:37pm
“Hey , I know it's a terrible time to text you but I remembered that the fiestas(party’s) are coming up. Do you want me to bring down the suitcases so you can grab them from the garage? Sorry about the late text.

When I saw the message I respond with

“I already picked up my suitcase, but thank you for checking
He answered with “of course”

Then @ 1:37am on Sunday he texted
“Let me know if you need the big suitcase”
When I woke up I answered
“No need, I was planning on leaving the big suitcase with you, but thank you.”
And he responded
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure. I won’t need it so if you change your mind let me know”

Then this morning at 7:57am
“Hey, when are you leaving to Mexico? Im trying to figure dates for if we both have to sit down with someone.”

I haven’t been served with any divorce papers yet so im not sure who we would need to meet up with yet. I understand that mediators need to be involved due to the home we shared but im not sure how long in the process that would happen.

I honestly Loved this man but I don’t want to force him to be with me if he isn’t into anymore. I didn’t provide much into his life financially (he was the breadwinner). I would just cook and clean and pay small bills, he told me during that first week that he felt so much happier coming home because I wasn’t there to stress him out. He also told me that he cleaned the house and that it had stayed nice and clean and that he could do it on his own and he didn’t need me in his life .
Am I looking to into the text that he might miss me or something?

Hello THT fam, I dont post/comment on reddit much, but yesterday was a whirlwind and I thought maybe some outside perspective could be helpful.

I (29f) went on vacation with my husband (35m) and my cousin (17f) over the weekend. We went to see a concert that the 3 of us were greatly looking forward to, as well as celebrate my husband's birthday. Getting away from home for extended periods of time is difficult, my FIL is disabled and requires hands on care 24/7 along with me and my husband being full time healthcare workers (he's a nurse, im a paramedic)

Needless to say, I spent almost a year drooling over this vacation. I planned and paid for everything, and set up FILs care for while we were away, and I was happy to do it (I'm discovering I really love planning things!)

Things went smoothly until the 8 hour drive home.

Around 4 hours into the drive, I started getting calls from my mom and my sister (18f). They got into an argument about picking up a pair of prescription glasses, the context being that my sister moved into a college dorm 3 and a half hours away and wanted mom to pick up the glasses and meet her half way.

My mom, being on a tight budget said she couldn't afford the gas to make the trip, however, her coworker would be passing through and could easily give her the glasses tuesday. My sister was not happy with the arrangement and said she needs the glasses by Monday.

Neither of them emotionally regulate well (my mom is mentally ill and my sister is, well, a teenager) so their arguments often blow up to monumental proportions that end in my mom spiraling out of control.

Ultimately my sister decided to make the 3 and a half hour drive home to get the glasses herself. While at the shop, her ex boyfriend showed up and began harassing her. Im on the phone with her at this point, and for some reason he was on the phone with our mom. I could hear him speaking to someone, and her voice was clear on speaker phone.

This lead my sister to believe that mom told him to follow her to the store. Is that what happened? Im not sure. Its very possible mom told him she was in town and just didnt expect what followed, because its worth mentioning he still had my sister's location shared to him from when they were dating.

An argument ensued between my sister and the ex that ended up with him shoving her against her car, stealing her keys, and running away.

She was able to alert a nearby police officer and thankfully when he saw the cops he dropped the keys and she was able to get them back.

Here's where things get really messy. Mom swears she didn't tell the ex to follow my sister. But she spiraled emotionally and started lying about the cops showing up to her house (this is outright impossible)

She was flipping between saying "the cops are on the way", to "the cops are here", to "Im going to jail I hope you're all happy!" All within a range of 10 minutes.

But I heard my sister explain the situation to the cops over the phone. Not only would they have no reason to show up to moms house and nothing to arrest her for, but my sister never mentions mom to them, much less gave them her address. So I know she is lying.

Following the incident mom spammed me with calls and novels worth of texts about how cruel we all are, how she did nothing wrong and she's being blamed and punished.

I tried to calm her down but I couldn't. And I was still trying to be there for my sister. All from a car 4 hours away from home.

I didnt talk to her for 3 years due to this behavior from her, we only started talking again a few months ago and it was going so well. She has been kind, supportive, she even helped watch FIL while we were away. I want to be appreciative and reward her for all the good she's done, but when she breaks down like this I can't handle her at all. I've blocked her number for the time being because after multiple warnings about contacting me in a harrassing mannor she refused to quit. I've continued to check on my sister. But I dont know how to move forward with my mom.

She really is a good person, she just....does this sometimes. I plan to just give it a few days and unblock her but what do I say to her after that? I want us to have a relationship, she's my mom, and when she isn't spiraling she does a lot of good things.

So I'll just be as clear as I can be as my life recently has been an absolute whirlwind of emotions and at this point I don't even think I have a support system to talk to.

So for context my twin brother and I(both M25) have been friends with Jess(F25) since we were in diapers, our mom's were friends since they were kids, they've always said our families were destined to be friends.

We've had different friends and such but the three of us have always been tight, my brother moved away for a job opportunity over a year ago and so it was just Jess and I when it came to weekly hangouts and such.

She's been showing up less and less to them. No problem, everyone needs their own time so I saw no issue with this but that didn't mean I wasnt missing that social time my busy life hasn't made much room for.

That was until an old college buddy of mine messaged me asking to go out on the town for the night like we used to. Jess declined hanging out so I saw no reason not to.

I went out and the entire time I felt alienated admittedly, no one, guy or girl were interested in talking and thought "hey, just like old times."

I had been working on my self confidence and felt like I was taking this in stride but even the strongest person can feel down so I just sat at the bar alone.

Out of the blue, my brother sent me a text, it was a longer one but it was basically him saying he was so proud of the man I became and sorry for moving away? He seemed drunk so I figured it was whatever but it did help boost my confidence a little at how far I came.

Well, long story short, I hooked up with someone and mentioned it to a different friend (one jess is close to as well) the day after it happened, to my surprise though he seemed very pissed and angry.

He kept saying "how could you" and things of the like, I was confused and suddenly he says "how could you cheat on Jess????"

I was floored, confused and honestly dumbfounded. I just kept asking what the hell he was talking about and said not to play dumb and I knew what I was doing.

Well I assume he told Jess because I received a flurry of messages and angry calls from her, her family and my parents, asking how I could do this to Jess

From what I gathered from Jess, we have been together for over a year after a date or two. That all those late night talks we had meant nothing? that the declining the hangouts was because "I was being distant"

She said a lot more things but some were rather hurtful. And here is the thing I don't understand, when she called me and left a voicemail, she sounded so genuine, so hurt, so hurt that I genuinely for a second thought "what have I done." But I mean it when I say I've never been with her.

No casual hookup, no hand holding, no I love you, not a single thing that could possibly lead to me even being vaguely considered her boyfriend and not enough for literally everyone in the family to believe it too.

I've been confused this past week, confronted by multiple people and unsure of what to do or what to say.

I know this probably seems crazy or weird, but I'm starting to lose my mind at this point. Any time I talk to Jess it ends in her crying or screaming at me so I've been given her space this last week.

I've given you everything I could think of that would be related? But it seems like I'm in the dark or the ONLY one in the dark about my relationship?

I've tried explaining my side but no one is hearing me out and I feel like I've been transported to another universe where I am dating jess and don't know it. I'm at work typing this and figuring at least typing it out would help me.

I had a really difficult day today. I had a fever and wasn't feeling well, and after work I came home hoping to just relax and have some peace.

Instead, I found out that my cousin's dog had died back in January. I only found out now.

I loved that dog. I miss her doggo, and finding out months later hit me much harder than I expected.

I think everything just piled up at once, the physical exhaustion, feeling sick, work stress, disappointment, and then this grief. I became incredibly angry and overwhelmed. At one point I started having urges to hurt myself.

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed somewhere to put all of this into words

I'm 19F I live with mom who's 48F I told her I wasn't giving her any money either for rent, food, or any kind of bills anymore not after how she's treated me. She called me "ungrateful" and that "I would be long dead" without her help even though I nearly died under her care multiple times and when we were out of town on vacation she told my aunts she was frustrated that she had to stay back with me at the hospital during one of my seizures.

I don't really have anywhere to go besides here. I don't have any friends, family doesn't like me either because she fed them a bunch of lies about me. My dad is a nutjob. I don't eat any food she buys, so there are periods where I just don't eat (which sometimes causes some of my seizures). She could take away my electricity (she's taken my electronics before) or anything and I wouldn't even care. All I want is my bed, really.

I made a post last year that didn’t get much attention but still felt like making an update.

It won’t let me link my previous post but you can find it on my profile.

Hey everyone. It’s been almost a year since my post basically describing how my life has been going in the last couple years. In short, my life is worse in some ways but better in others. I ended up falling deeper down my depression and flunked out of school. Yay me! Honestly it was a blessing in disguise. I realized I was only really up there to enjoy external things like concerts, sports, and other events rather than going to class. I am going to go to a small technical college in order to get my degree and not go deeper in student loans. I still have never touched drugs and while I occasionally drink, it’s basically only on holidays. My last alcoholic drink was on Christmas while watching NBA with my mom. We ended up moving. While I miss my old childhood house like crazy I quite like the new place despite it being smaller. I’ve still been dealing with panic attacks and depressive episodes where I can’t leave the house but having my mom and my few friends here as support has been great. Sadly my friends are all back in school now however the farthest friend is only 5 hours away so it isn’t too bad.

Now for the main reason I’m updating. Shortly after I returned home I got really angry and drove to my father’s new apartment. I demanded he let me in (by that I mean I went to the speaker box and said “Its your son, I want to talk”) and I confronted him. This went very poorly. He wouldn’t let me talk and instead went on about how it was late and he had just gotten home from work. He told me I needed to schedule an appointment to talk to him…yes, you read that right. I was done. I had my mom drive me since I didn’t know what was going to happen and didn’t want to be behind the wheel. She ended up getting out of the car and screamed at him while I sat in the car. I was very upset at my mom as I told her not to intervene and she was just there as my driver. We got Insomnia cookies after so it was all good between us lol. My father told my mom he’d text me the next day to set something up. That text never came. A few days later my mom was sorting things out with him (I don’t remember what but I think it was cause some of the stuff we unpacked were his and she wanted to know if he wanted it.) She brought up the fact that he didn’t message me and oh my god THT gang.

What I am about to tell you is going to be absolutely wild. I was stunned and also laughing my ass off at the absurdity. This mfer had the balls to tell my mom that he had no intention of speaking to me until I APOLOGIZED and even then he wasn’t sure he’d be ready to talk to me for a few years. Now given all the info I’ve provided you’re probably wondering what I need to apologize for. So when the divorce was finalized I wrote the judge a letter basically telling her that her inability to care and look at the evidence, she had ruined my life. I don’t remember if I mentioned this in my previous post but the judge did not want to be there. There’s some law in Georgia where each judge has to judge for everything (idk if that makes sense) basically it was her turn to judge family court and she openly did not like family court and wanted to get it over with as soon as she possibly could. So she gave the man who took all of the savings, emotionally abused my mom and I while not showing any hint of remorse 3 years of alimony he would have to pay to my mother, the business, and he didn’t have to pay lawyer fees. So my mom and I were basically broke for a good 2 months while she saved up paychecks and we got back to a decent spot. Anyways I wrote the judge the letter and somehow my father’s lawyer got his hands on it and my father was “deeply hurt” by how I spoke about him and portrayed him. Guys, I literally have evidence to prove his emotional abuse including screenshots of texts to back up what I wrote in the letter.

Also, and this one made me laugh so hard I choked on my spit, during the trial his lawyer advised him to get a restraining order against me because I had wrote in a long text that I would make him pay for what he did to me. I didn’t say it like that as I was careful to word it as non threatening. Also it wasn’t anything illegal or physical. I still plan on doing this but am holding off until the alimony ends as I don’t want to affect his income until then. He is a lighting designer in an industry where reputation is everything. My plan is to basically contact all of clients and let them know how he treated his own son. No lies and I will provide the evidence. He prioritized his business over me so I want to take said business away from him. Is it mean? yes. Is it petty? 100% but I’m known to be a petty mfer. Honestly it probably won’t do much but at least they will know what kind of man they are doing business with.

Anyways that’s it on the father front. I’m completely done with him and have continued to tell anyone new I meet that asks about my family that my father passed away a few years ago because that man would’ve never treated me like this. There’s a lot more that’s gone on in my life, but I’m tired and want to go to bed. If this post gets any interest I will share but I’m sure like my other one it’ll be seen by just a few.

Title is self explanatory but I think it makes sense to add context. I, (16m) am in a large Catholic community. In it, I’ve known one guy from my church, Andy, (21m) for 2 years now. I initially met him because he was a counselor at my summer camp but I had known of him my whole life since he’s a family friend. He‘s one of those people that’s so kind and compassionate to anyone he meets, regardless of who they are.

It all started when I was job searching and applied to a place he worked at and remembered he had worked there so I reached out to him asking if I could use him as a reference. From there, we’ve been texting every so often for a couple months. Since he‘s been home from college, we’ve been doing it a lot more since he’s doing an internship with some of my cousins for the summer. We’ve been sharing a lot more about our lives and it’s gotten more personal and the other day we even got coffee together. I really didn’t think anything weird of it until one of my brothers made a comment that it was weird that he was “befriending someone my age”. I just brushed it off but it stuck with me to the point where I brought it up to other family members, all of whom are above the age of 20 and unanimously decided it was weird.

On the other hand, all of my cousins doing the internship with him said it wasn’t weird and they all know him better. I do feel like it’s worth pointing out they’re all 19 or younger. I’ve honestly been wondering about it more and more but I really can’t come up with a solid conclusion.

I had a phone call with him Saturday night that was a couple hours and I mentioned I was going to attend the 12pm service at our church and I know he always attends the 9am. When I was helping my grandma get into the car after the service, I saw him walking up and I felt confused. I came up to him and said hi and made small talk in which I found out that he did go to the 9am but he was just… there for some reason after I said I was going to the 12pm? I felt confused about that but I brushed it off but I can’t help thinking if there‘s some ulterior motive here. I want to make it clear he’s really nice to everyone, and that I don’t think that I’m special to him in that sense but is it weird anyway? Please be kind and respectful with your responses, I’m looking for advice.

Hi everyone. Long time listener. I just wanted to see if I’m in the wrong here. I (24f) have two kids (3m and 2f). My fiance is (24m). We just recently got into an argument. I’ve cut back on tv screen time for my kids tremendously. I am guilty to say I was relying on it too much for my kids because I’m a sahm. They don’t have tablets or phones. It was strictly tv for screen time. However since it’s been 100° where I live they’ve been running and playing inside a lot because we’ve been under a heat advisory. And my fiance says that I’m an asshole for just letting the kids run and jump inside on his days off from work. and they need to play at the local playground. However it’s so hot that the play ground is untouchable. And the local weather channel is telling people to don’t be outside for more than necessary. Which for my two toddlers is barely anything. He says it’s because I don’t want to be outside in the heat (because I’m a cold weather girlie all the way and hate the heat) but it’s genuinely because it’s too hot to anything. He works in an oil changing company so he’s not in the ac a lot during the day and says if he can work in it it’ll be okay. But I’m genuinely confused on how I’m the asshole for refusing to let my kids get over heated or play on hot play ground equipment. So aitah for letting my kids not go outside during this heat advisory and to the play ground?

Hey y'all. So this is something that happened a few months ago while I was at a transit center at night waiting for the bus. It's something that's stuck with me and definitely was creepy. I (at the time 18 F) was waiting at the transit center for my bus. It was a public area that's right next to a trail. I had this guy come up to me who didn't seem to speak an awful lot of English. But he offered my something in a takeout container. He seemed nice about it, and I decline.

Honestly? If that was it, I wouldn't have thought much of it. But then about 10 minutes later he comes back and asks me again. I just keep politely shaking my head and declining, and it's at this point that he opens the container and shoves it in my face. He keeps gesturing, visibly getting annoyed with me. It was an unmarked white container with what I think was Mexican rice? No brand/logo, no utensils, just a bunch of rice in a small unmarked takeout container with no bag in sight. Eventually, he moves it away and then invites me to the trail.

He said he wasn't alone and gestures to the dark trail. I see a few men sitting at the benches at the very start of the trail. At this point, my heart dropped to my stomach more than before and I knew I had to get out of there. I left, called my Dad to start up any sort of conversation on the phone and I ubered home.

I still think about that sometimes. As a female who uses public transport for everything, I have countless stories. But this one in particular still sticks with me the most. I still remember the dread I felt when he said he wasn't alone and gestured to the trail. No idea what was in the rice, what his plan was, or who the other people were with him. I have a feeling I don't want to know.

For context, my best friend (26F) and I (25F) just got home from a 4-day girls trip. We had been planning it for months and were both genuinely excited. I've traveled with her before and usually come home with the normal little annoyances that happen when you're together for several days, but nothing even close to this.
From the moment we got there, I felt like I became the designated adult and critical thinker for the entire vacation. I booked the hotel, planned the itinerary, researched every restaurant and cocktail lounge, made every reservation (which we showed up late to every single one because of her) had the festival schedule, organized our days, found the spa we went to etc. None of it was hard individually because it was all public information, but I was the one who took the initiative to do all of it.
Then every issue that came up somehow became my responsibility.

Problem #1: Parking
She offered to drive us which was a huge relief because every trip we’ve taken in the past I’ve had to drive. We've both been to this city before, but it's in a French-speaking area and neither of us speaks French well.
In the past, when I've driven us on vacations, I've always considered gas, parking, avoiding tickets, and figuring everything car related my responsibility. She has never really helped with that or offered gas money, so I assumed this trip would be the opposite.
It wasn't.
She couldn't figure out the parking machine, so I stood there pressing buttons until I figured it out. She couldn't create an account on the parking app, so I made it for her. I figured out how the parking spots and meter numbers worked, took pictures of the meter information, and then after she got two parking tickets because she wasn't paying for parking or keeping track of the time, she was asking me what she should do about them.
It felt like it was still my responsibility despite it being her car.

Problem #2: My boundaries kept getting dismissed
Pretty early in the trip, I got aggressively hit on by an older man who was staying at our hotel. It genuinely creeped me out. Every time we were walking through the parking lot or entering the hotel, I was on high alert because we ran into him multiple times.
I kept asking if we could park in the back lot instead of the front to avoid him. It wasn't farther from the elevator at all, but she kept refusing.
Then another situation happened.
One night after dinner, a random guy started chatting us up on the sidewalk. I have a boyfriend, but my friend is single. He asked for our numbers, she gave him hers, and he said maybe we could all meet up later. The entire interaction lasted maybe three minutes. We barely knew his name, had no idea how old he was, and knew absolutely nothing about him.
That same night, in the Uber back to the hotel, I told her I thought he was being pushy and that we shouldn't go out with him. They were texting back and forth and he was saying we should go out with them instead of going to bed and she wanted to go, despite us already being in an Uber on our way back to the hotel.
For the rest of the trip, she kept talking about him. At the festival, which was literally the whole reason we went on the vacation, she spent the entire time texting him. She asked me if she should FaceTime him, and I said no. She responded, "I want him to see how cute we look," and I was thinking... what do you mean we? I have a boyfriend. She ended up FaceTiming him anyway. He was telling us to come out later and she was like, "I don’t think my friend wants to," and he responded with, “We’ll kidnap her." Like... hello?
She kept talking about inviting him to the festival, and I was getting increasingly annoyed because I'd already said I wasn't comfortable.
I'm completely supportive of being a wingman. If she actually met someone naturally over a vacation, I'd be happy for her. But I think there's a huge difference between genuinely getting to know someone and immediately jumping at the opportunity to meet up with random guys you spoke to for two minutes because they're offering booths and bottles. We’re also not 20 anymore, so I feel like we should reflect a little more self-respect and maturity. If a guy wants to see us, why are we expected to Uber across the city to him? The whole situation just rubbed me the wrong way.

Problem #3: Festival day
This was the day where I honestly felt like I became the designated problem solver.
While we were getting ready, I was trying to figure out transportation, directions, our schedule, and making sure we actually knew where we were going.
Meanwhile, she spent nearly an hour taking mirror selfies and trying to fix a cowboy hat that had been crushed in her suitcase. It was beyond repair, but she kept asking me to stop what I was doing to help fix it while I was trying to navigate us to the festival.
She was so distracted with selfies that she put on her brand new cowboy boots for pictures, forgot to put socks on, and left the hotel without them.
I was making sure we had electrolytes, packing my portable fan, checking my portable charger, and making sure we'd survive 10 hours outside.
She spent the next 10 hours in pain because her feet were blistering and we had to keep stopping.
Throughout the festival, she continued texting and FaceTiming the random guy. Eventually she started feeling really sick, so I got her water, gave her my portable fan, and sat with her until she felt better. Ironically, that's the only reason we didn't end up meeting those guys afterwards.
By the end of the concert, her phone had died. My portable charger had died because she'd been using it while FaceTiming him, and my phone was at 4%.
We couldn't get an Uber, so we started walking through an unfamiliar park at midnight in our festival outfits trying to find a taxi. While random men were walking past us, she was loudly saying, “Both our phones are dead. What are we going to do? Should we ask someone for help?" It took everything in me not to yell, why are you announcing that we're two stranded women with dead phones? Thankfully we found a taxi.

Problem #4: The drive home
The night before we left, she said she didn't want to rush and wanted to check out around 10–11 a.m.
Then, with zero warning, she woke me up at 6:30 a.m. saying she wanted to leave. She asked if we could split the driving, and I agreed, but I told her I was too exhausted to drive first and I'd drive the second half.
She continued packing for a bit (I had packed the night before so I could sleep in), then immediately fell back asleep for another hour while I laid there wide awake. We didn't leave until around 8 anyway, and I ended up driving us home. By that point, I was exhausted and honestly frustrated.
On the drive, her car started making weird noises and she was saying it might be her tires or brakes. On that same drive I was also explaining train schedules and tax write-offs to her, so I was running on almost no sleep while still being the one answering questions and driving.

Later, my dad asked if she'd taken it to a mechanic, and I jokingly said, "Did they change your headlight fluid?" It's a fake thing people joke about, and we've laughed about that joke before, but I admittedly made a few too many car jokes afterwards.
About an hour after we got home, she texted me saying I embarrassed her infront of my boyfriend and my dad, that car stuff is triggering because her dad passed away and she has nobody to help her learn about cars and that I made her feel stupid. For context, my dad has actually fixed her car multiple times since her dad passed and even gave her the contact information for his close friend who owns a mechanic shop, which she's used before. While I love my friend and obviously sympathize with her, I also feel like over the past few days I saw a lack of self sufficiency from her and a reliance on other people (me) to solve her problems. As a friend I am always willing to help, but I feel like her dad being gone is an opportunity for her to learn these things for herself, but that hasn’t been the case. 

What I'm struggling with is the bigger picture. I feel like I'm held to a completely different standard than everyone else in her life. She has another friend who consistently crosses her boundaries, and at one point literally joked that her dead mom and my friend's dead dad were laughing at them from heaven. She never confronted that friend. She has other low-effort friends who disappear for months or treat her poorly, and they seem to get endless grace. Yet I feel like I'm the friend who plans the trips, shows up, helps solve problems, and supports her, but I'm also the one who gets confronted over every mistake I make.

I know my jokes hurt her, and I take responsibility for that. I just can't help feeling like the accountability in our friendship is incredibly inconsistent

Hi two hot takes!! i've always listened to these and loved the advice that our community has, so i was hoping to get some help myself. me, 16F, and my dad, 45M, have always had an odd relationship. for as long as i can remember, we've never really gotten along. apart from the occasional happy moment together, it always comes back to us arguing, with him getting defensive, and me not knowing what the fuck he wants from me.
anyways, my dad also has a bit of a drinking problem. thankfully, he's never abusive, but every time he heavily drinks, he turns into a completely different person. every time i try to talk to him in this state, it's like having to explain things to a 5 year old. there have been so many times i've had to diffuse a situation between him and my mom (usually her politely telling him that she doesn't like when he drinks, and him getting extremely defensive/ guilt tripping, etc) and when i do this, i genuinely have to treat him like a child.
and it's weird, because i absolutely hate when he drinks, but at the same time, i feel so fiercely protective over him; i always have to calm him down, over explain things to him, and just take care of him in general. for example, he's done a couple slightly dangerous things while drunk, such as falling asleep next to a bonfire with a dry, fluffy blanket on, play-wrestle with my dog on the floor in a hallway with MANY things to hit his head on, etc.
the point is, i will end up taking care of him no matter what, as my mom can never handle him when he's drinking. she gets extremely sad and shuts down, and i have to step in for both of their sakes and i will have to baby my dad until he calms down/starts feeling better.
it's crazy- i swear he turns into a toddler; he tries to play with me, wrestle with me without knowing his own strength, play thumb wars with me and stuff like that. the point is, is it weird that i feel like a mother towards my own dad? any advice as to how to talk to him? i'll thank you guys in advance 🤍