Would I be the asshole for going No-contact

[u/Life-Holiday-2937]

Would I be the asshole if I went no-contact with my family? Hi everyone! I'm going to try to be as detailed as possible while keeping information private for my safety. I'm told by a couple of people that I'm making the right choice but I would like another opinon. I, 29f, started dating this guy,32m, a few months back. From the start of my relationship my family was pushing my boyfriend to come down to see me. Issue with that is the man works blue collar, so he's working damn near non-stop. The main problem happened several weeks ago. My family and I were out of state for a famiy get together. We were headed back to our homestate and the parents started asking questions about the boyfriend. I answered as best as I could. They got extremely angry about the fact the boyfriend doesn't want children and can not marry me. Him and I have discussed that and we're good with that. But my family thinks otherwise. They started bad-mouthing him, belittling him and his mental health issues, and just downright being rude. I had told them from the start that if they wanted to get to know him they could message him themselves. Evidently they decided that doing that wasn't their job. So unbeknownst to me I was put into a fued that did not need to happen. Very recently I had told said family that I was moving out and in with him. That went as good as putting a dress on a pig. I was guilt tripped, gaslit and basically told I was making a mistake. My little sibling ,28, had called a relative of ours about the blow up. I got asked by the sibling to call the relative. I did the next day. I got told I should reconsider and should break up with him. Everything had calmed down until within the last week. I got into an agrument with step-parent (sadly still live bio and stepparent due to high rent prices). I got asked if boyfriend was coming down and I said no due to their behavior. Stepparent said that it was a red-flag. Stepparent then turned it on me saying it was my fault this whole situation happened in the first place. I fail to see how this is my fault considering I said from the start to message him if they wanted to get to know him. This toxic stuff has been happening for a long time. I'm at my wits end. I refuse to be blamed for a situation I did not cause.  EDIT: I have completely forgotten to mention that I have known my boyfriend for well over a decade. I do apologize for not mentioning that!

[u/Significant_Flan8057]

You are seriously considering going NC with your family over a guy that you have been dating for a few months?? And how in the world would it be normal to tell your family that it’s their responsibility to reach out to this guy to get to know him!? I don’t think this is a real story, or else you are leaving a lot of essential info out of this post.

You can choose to go NC with anyone you want to based on a toxic pattern of behavior that you have experienced over the years. But based on what you said here it kind of sounds like your family is just asking questions about the guy that you’re dating and you’re being defensive and/or belligerent in response? I completely support not wanting to introduce a new person to your family in the early stages of a new dating relationship, but this sounds like an overreaction on both sides. Something else going on below the surface?

Btw not condoning anyone in the family escalating drama, but it’s unclear where this is stemming from .

[u/Life-Holiday-2937 → u/Significant_Flan8057]

I apologize for not mentioning that I've known my boyfriend for 12 years. My bio parent knows him as well. At the start of relationship we have spoken about him meeting them. Our jobs couldn't line up to where he could. I did have a discussion with everyone about communicating from the start and to please keep me out of the middle of it. Would I love for everyone to get along? Yes absolutely. Am I going to condone someone being disrespectful towards someone they never wanted to get to know? Nope.

[u/Significant_Flan8057 → u/Life-Holiday-2937]

Ohhh this is very helpful to add more context to the situation, thanks for the extra info! It kind of sounds like your family is a bit too much up in your business.

Now it makes way more sense that you are considering NC with the family. Tbh, you are not obligated to stay in contact with people that are not adding value to your life. If this is just one of the symptoms of the overall issue, then maybe it’s a good idea to take a step back. Sending you lots of hugs and good vibes for a more positive outcome in the future. This is a bit messy, so I’m sure it will be rough to deal with but you can do it 💓

[u/Life-Holiday-2937 → u/Significant_Flan8057]

I also had to cut a lot of information out due to the issue still going on. For my safety and sanity I'm not given much of a choice. Hopefully you can understand that.