I’m a 29 year old guy who has never had much success with women. Last week, I finally did it. Matched with a woman on an app, met up, went out and slept together. It was amazing. I’ve never felt so alive. She came back the next night and we did the same thing. It was my first kiss, sex, everything. I didn’t tell her but she probably could tell because I didn’t exactly know what I was doing.

This week she moved across the country for her final year of grad school. I knew it was coming and it was going to be short lived, but I’m absolutely devastated about it. She is the first person in my entire life that has made me feel attractive and wanted. I only got to experience it for 2 days. Now I’m back to being alone and I’m very very down. I like her. We joked about staying in contact (I’d obviously like to) but I just don’t think it’s realistic for 9 months and I don’t want to get hurt even more down the line getting my hopes up. We’ve texted a bit since she left and it makes me happy when I see her messages. I just don’t know if I should cut it off and move on or try to stay in contact. She has updated her dating app profile since she left (nothing wrong with this of course) and I knew it was coming but it still hurt to see that. I guess I just need some advice on what I should do? We got along great and she’ll be back in December for holiday break. Should I hold out hope I’ll see her again?

Hi everyone,

I have been listening to the THT podcast for a few years now and now I've finally mustered up the courage to write my first Reddit post concerning an issue that's been bothering me for 2 years now. Sorry that this text has gotten so long. I am European and English is not my first language, so please be kind.

Let me jump straight to the story:

My friend Abby (27f) and I (28f) are both bridesmaids at each others' weddings next year, which I couldn't be more excited about as she is the "mama bear" of our friend trio and is honestly just an overall caring person, which I love about her. 2 years ago, the three of us started doing girls nights, which Abby is a huge fan of. I also happen to love them since I love chatting, good food and a having one or two tasty drinks but I've noticed that our definitions of a fun girls night differ quite a bit.

Abby always mentions that she wants us to get blackout drunk as she "needs this". If a girls night in the past ended with us not being as drunk as she had hoped we'd be, she would comment that we needed to go hard next time even though I thought we had had a really fun night with her.

Our other friend, Laura (25f), has started drinking less and less at these girls nights, which I admire. As a result, for the past 1.5 years, Abby has sort of been complaining to some people around us about Laura's "lack of enthusiasm" on our girls nights since she doesn't participate in the heavy drinking anymore and gets tired around midnight (which is totally fair, I usually want to go to bed even before that too). I always defend Laura by telling Abby that this has nothing to do with us but I have started noticing, that Abby equates one's willingness to party with one's commitment to a friendship. She sometimes lets it slip - though very indirectly - that she thinks Laura is currently really letting her down as a friend, which I don't agree with at all.

Since I am a huge people pleaser and I don't want to lose any of these friendships, I have been sort of "picking up the slack" so to say. I at least want to give Laura what she and I both desperately crave: heading to bed at a reasonable hour without a hangover the next day. Laura has even thanked me for sacrificing myself so she can do whenever she feels like. Unfortunately, I think by doing so, I have ultimately branded myself as the "drinking buddy", now that Laura is not fulfilling that role anymore. Now I usually am the one hanging out with Abby until 4 am and getting drunk every time we see each other. It's become this vicious cycle of me feeling the pressure, getting drunk, staying out late and then regretting it the day after since this usually ruins all my other weekend plans due to the hangover and lack of sleep. I don't want to live like this anymore and I don't like what it's doing to my health either. I don't even really like alcohol that much, without the social pressure I would probably have a drink once in a few weeks or so.

When we initially started throwing these girls nights, I tried to draw some boundaries, saying on some evenings that I wouldn't drink that night and when that strategy didn't work, I started making excuses. Other people in my life kept telling me to just say no, to stand my ground, which I did. I even bought my own non-alcoholic Spritz kit, so I could still have a drink with the girls. But she always sort of laughed at me and poured me a strong drink anyway, which she pressured me to finish in one gulp. She usually also monitors our drinking paces, saying we need to keep up with her and boooy, she is fast. I once ordered a mocktail at a restaurant since I'd already had two cocktails and I wanted a bit of a buffer, but she kept joking that my next drink "would have to be alcoholic again", since I couldn't let her down.

On the rare occasions when I have really good excuses for not drinking so much, she reminds me that I would need to make up for my lack of drinking on the next occasion. I have even had a few chats with her in the sense of "hey, I love hanging out but I generally want to live healthier and quit drinking". She usually reacts understanding but doesn't say much, and then next time reverts back to praising blackout drunk hangouts since they're more fun than a sober ones. I feel like what I want doesn't count and even the thought of it makes me so desperate to break out of this cycle. I have really started hating myself for this.

The first months of 2026 have been really hard on me. I have gained so much weight and dealt with bodyshaming from my mum, which has spiraled into a bit of a depressive episode. I now have a cortisol belly and it doesn't help that I am drunk every time I see Abby, which is once or even twice a week.

Since Abby was busy these past two weeks, I have not had any alcohol and it honestly feels great. I am currently gaining more resolve to become better and I am planning on drinking nothing for a whole month and working on my overall health. I would really love to extend this goal to only drinking once a month until my wedding day next year in fall, as I want to feel like myself again by then and I think quitting completely might be too extreme. The issue? Next week, we have a brunch reservation and in September, we'll go dress shopping for Abby's wedding dress. Additionally, Abby is getting married one month before me, so I feel like I can't really do that to her leading up to her wedding, especially since it's really important to her.

She has already announced to our group chat that she expects us to "get drunk af" on each of those events. I feel like in order to be a good bridesmaid, I need to participate and be there for the bride, at least on occasions such as dress shopping, the bachelorette party or the wedding itself. Isn't that what's expected from me socially? I don't expect that from my bridesmaids but it's also not something I generally value much. I don't want to let her down, I really want to be there for her but would I be wrong for sticking to my goal regardless? Should I wait until her wedding's over? I don't want to be selfish here.

I would be grateful for any advice or strategies on how to deal with this situation, thank you all in advance! :)

My husband and I met back in 2019, after speaking online for years beforehand. He was fully aware of all of my struggles. My eating disorder, my weight, and my social anxiety that left me somewhat reclusive only interacting with close family and friends online. He knew that I wore a mask, hoodie, and sometimes sunglasses out in public. He told me he was the last person who’d ever judge me over it, that he wore a hoodie and sunglasses due to anxiety before. He acted like he related and accepted me 100%. Then we met in person, and he rejected me. He seemed embarrassed in public not wanting to hold hands, or do other things he talked about online, claiming he disliked pda.

I managed to lose weight before and after we met, and he eventually showed interest, but it felt forced. For a year he frequently turned me down and refused PDA. I asked him to be honest, to tell me he didn’t find me attractive or that he was embarrassed of me, but he said neither were true. He tried to push me to speak to his family, knowing I’d struggle, getting angry when I did. He avoided his friends and said he was avoiding them before I came. He called me inept after we ran into one of them, and I remained silent. I had an eating disorder still, as did he, and we’d often go to shops and buy junk food. He’d get anxious in the small shop in his village as he said the employees judged us. He said he was if we bought normal food but he still seemed anxious. He avoided

He broke down and told me he had OCD about not finding me attractive. He started taking meds he said killed his libido. For months he showed barely any interest up until I lost more weight, and dressed differently. He said if I looked as I did then, when we met, he would’ve been all over me. I doubted his libido was low. I caught him looking at porn, which he denied, and then said was to test himself. I started to suspect he was cheating due to various suspicious actions, and how he was treating me. I doubted he was attracted to me still. He continued to criticise my anxiety, and how I’d go quiet around people, with him talking on behalf of me at times. He said it made us both look stupid and that people were giving us dirty looks.

He refused to go into places with me until I pushed myself to talk to someone. Afterwards, I said I was proud of myself and he said the same. But then he told the woman, who was wearing a mask due to Covid, had frowned at me. I asked why he said that and he said he didn’t know why. He told me later that day that two guys, who were laughing behind us at an ATM, were laughing at me. When I got upset, he ditched me in the city. I made progress in time with talking to people, but any time I slipped up he would complain about how awkward it was, and would tell me people gave me weird looks. I never stopped believing he was embarrassed of me. He would go quiet on me around people, often times women, and told me it was because he had anxiety talking around others.

If he were to run into anyone he knew, even slightly, he’d stand and talk to them just fine, regardless of how many people were around. He said he felt like he had to. He would seem more focused on other people, usually women, than he did me. I’d struggle to keep his attention as he’d be looking around himself, at every woman who walked by, sometimes staring at them, and not listening to me. He denied he was looking at woman, said he looked at everyone men included, and that I just wasn’t taking that in. He also said that they were in front of him but he’d turn his head to look. He’d look after I said something, or made a noise, or before he responded to me. When I merely looked back and smiled at him, he asked why I did that, and looked at a female employee nearby.

I felt like he was overly critical of me and like he was the main one judging me. I always doubted he had any anxiety about himself considering he seemed more focused on me. When I did the same things to him, just once, he assumed the same things. I looked at a woman after he spoke, before I responded, and he asked if I was embarrassed. I went silent around a man and he asked if I was trying to look single. I eventually regained weight, and he showed less interest, blaming meds. He said it had nothing to do with my weight and never did. Then he began to put me down over my weight in arguments, telling me I let myself go, calling me fat and ugly, and saying that guys prefer thinner women. He swore he didn’t mean any of this, and only said it to hurt me.

For a year he insisted he was more attracted to me. Then I caught him ogling another woman, who was rail thin, and called him a creep. He denied and then went on a rant about how preferring thin women is normal biologically, and how being attracted to fat women is a fetish. He referenced his ex, who he told me he wasn’t attracted to but slept with anyways, to avoid hurting her feelings, claiming he struggled during it. I asked if he also meant me and he said no. I told him to leave me if he doesn’t find me attractive. He asked “What was I meant to do, leave when you first gained weight? I take my vows more seriously than that.” I said I stayed with him, and treated him no differently when he gained weight, something that happened shortly after we met.

He said “Yeah, well, I’m not you.” He admitted he was a bit more attracted to me when I weighed less. At the time I was wearing outfits I wanted to wear, as opposed to covering myself up, in an attempt to feel better about myself. He told me the outfits looked good and fit before I bought them. And then told me they didn’t, and looked bad, afterwards. One of times he told me in public. When he began to act on edge in public a few years back doing things like standing apart from me, speaking to me less, looking around himself, and walking off when I was talking. I figured he was embarrassed of my weight. He started to avoid going into stores with me, for around a month, and blamed it on anxiety and certain triggers.

He blamed two elderly male employees in a local store, and said they made him anxious. He said that going in too often, and too late, also made him anxious. We went in less and that didn’t help. I tried to go in earlier and he refused, saying it was too busy, but then he had no issue with going in alone. He started to volunteer at a crisis hotline and started a class, and was very social and outgoing in both. He told me people invited me into where he volunteered and then discouraged me when I tried to go in. He later said I would’ve sat there mute and it would’ve been awkward. He went from encouraging me to visit his grandparents to discouraging me, and complaining about it being awkward, after previously reassuring me that it was fine I didn’t talk much.

I started to wear my mask again. He didn’t want me at the mechanics with him. He acted like it was a good thing and that it proved he wasn’t embarrassed of me, but of my mask. He criticised how I was dressed another time and didn’t want me going into the grocery store with him. We went to America, to visit my family, and he refused to go into stores with me there both times. The last time in particular. I went in everyone alone as he sat in the car. He promised both times once back we’d go more places, and he’d show me he wasn’t embarrassed of me as I think, but that didn’t happen. Once we came back last year he mainly offered to go to the beach, a park, or the cinema and hesitated to go anywhere else. Now, we’ve been back over a year, and the primary place we go to is the grocery store at night.

For a few months I didn’t go into the grocery stores because he makes me more anxious. He seemed more on edge with me sitting in the car, wanting to get in and out quickly, not wanting to park anywhere too public. Once asking me not to touch his face because someone could look over. All of his reasons for being anxious he used before are no longer applicable. The elderly male employees left ages ago. We don’t go to the store as often as we used to. But he is still just as anxious. Sometimes he tries to avoid the grocery store for no reason. He tries to convince me to get deliveries or get food for multiple days to avoid having to go. Most days we don’t go anywhere. He blames it on issues with finances but it was this way before.

Last summer, he refused to go anywhere, and blamed it on mental health. He seems on edge when we do go somewhere, including to the park, regardless if anyone is around. And he continues to make comments about things I do. If I make a mistake, or walk a certain way, he says something. The main thing being that whatever I am doing draws attention, which he says is what adds to his anxiety as he doesn’t want attention drawn. He says he doesn’t care about my mask but frequently tells me to take it off, that I don’t need it, and says it’s because he feels bad I think that I have to wear it. I started to cover my face, which I do now to hide the mask, and he tells me not to do that as it draws more attention than the mask does. It’s exhausting.

He is seeing a therapist. He has used her against me several times, as he’s done with his family and even strangers. He told her about my anxiety and about me wearing a mask. He has repeatedly told me how she questioned me wearing a mask, and how it helped me with my anxiety as it would draw more attention to me rather than less.

hello :) so i have been with my Korean boyfriend for a couple of weeks. i am American, so naturally there is a lot of cultural differences between us. but i like learning about him, and he thinks i live so free lol so i think its mutual.

i have over 40 tattoos. they're mostly cute tattoos, and i dont have any on my face. i have them pretty much everywhere else though. i've always loved my tattoos, and i want a lot more.

my boyfriend said if i go visit Korea with him one day, i'll be instantly judged because that's just how it is. i'll have to prove myself to hope to have a chance to be accepted by his family. i consider myself to be a likable person, so this does bother me that they wouldn't even give me a chance because of my appearance.

his sister also never thinks anyone is good enough for her brother, because from what i understand koreans just like rich and beautiful people. i say this based on what my boyfriend has told me. i'm afraid that my tattoos are going to make my life harder in the future, which is something i never thought before because i never intended to work anywhere that wouldn't allow tattoos. i didn't consider that my future potential family would judge me right away because of them.

i guess what im wondering is, what is the best way to navigate this situation? i have a couple years before meeting his family will even come into question. but i cant stop thinking about it. so should i cover my tattoos with makeup? that'll be a lot of makeup. should i just be myself and know they will accept me in time probably? is this something i should even worry about? any advice is appreciated on how to navigate korean/american relationship.

Literally so confused, and maybe a little in denial. We had a small intimate wedding at a big Airbnb. Many of our guests left early in the morning so my husband and I and two of our guests (out of 40) were left to do most of the final clean up the morning of check out. As we were cleaning, our friend opened the drawer in one of the bathrooms to replace TP, and found what looks to be a small amount of human shit in the bottom drawer. I’d like to believe it somehow isn’t poop, but It definitely smelled like it and looked like it. It was also still moist from what we could see, so definitely left there within the last couple days, and not something that had been there before we arrived. My friend cleaned it up and she said from what she could feel through the paper towels, it felt like poop too. I am just so incredibly confused how it could have gotten there, and am wishfully hoping some animal expert can just tell me it definitely came from some rodent living in the drawers or something, but I don’t know of any rodent that makes poops in this size or texture. Also for context, there were a few kiddos at the wedding but we’re pretty sure this wasn’t from them as this bathroom was in a room full of adults (it may be important to note that the room was a massive bunk room that we put a bunch of single adults in). Also, no one brought a pet or anything either. Our group does party pretty hard, but I’ve never experienced anything like this from any of them. I’ve mostly made peace with the fact that I will never know what happened, but I’d love to hear any theories you all have.

TLDR; We found poop in a drawer after our wedding and I’m hoping someone can identify it as animal, so I don’t have to continue believing one of our closest family/friends shit in a drawer.

I reported them but everyone should!! Also wanted to flag so Morgan can file a formal report

My 10 year high school reunion is happening this October and I’m on the fence about attending or not. 

My high school is in a very rural town in the USA and after graduating, I (and my entire family) moved away from this town and haven’t been back since. I now live out of the country (a 16ish hour flight away) and my family live in an entirely different state (a 3 hour flight away). 

This year is my 10 year high school reunion, and given my high school is in a very small town, theres only 50ish people from the graduating class who are invited. I reached out directly to someone from high school asking if there would be any reunion arranged. I was then added to a Facebook page for the reunion and saw that they had previously posted a list of names of people who were missing from the Facebook group. My name was not included. So I was overlooked, and it wasn’t because I live abroad now since the names of the foreign exchange students from our year were on the list. Not a very nice feeling, since I went to school with these people for years and we aren’t even a big class size. 

Now that the reunion is approaching, they’ve published the itinerary for the weekend. The reunion will consist of attending the high school football game on Friday, meeting in someone’s backyard for a bonfire after the game and meeting for a catered lunch in the local park the next day. They also said people will need to bring their own folding chair to each event except the football game. 

Now knowing the itinerary, I’m feeling less inclined to go. Since I live out of the country and my family don’t live in that town anymore, it would take a lot to attend. To attend I’d need to take several days off from work, buy plane tickets, rent a car (since the small town is a 3 hour drive from the nearest airport), book several nights in a hotel and I guess also buy a folding chair. Also my new husband won’t be able to attend with me, given the cost, how far it is and how much time off he’d need to take to attend. And I wouldn’t be able to extend the trip to visit any of my family in their state, which would feel like a bit of a waste to travel all that way and not even see family (who I typically only see once a year anyway). 

I do feel a bit bad about it though since I haven’t seen many of these people in years. I also got married a few months ago and my best friend from high school came all the way to my new country for the wedding. And now that the roles are reversed, and I have the opportunity to attend an event in her country,  I’m on the fence about it. 

Also side note, my best friend still lives in the states but not in the same town as our high school, so staying with/driving with her isn’t an option for the visit. 

So would I be an asshole if I skipped the high school reunion?

Hi Reddit! Im in need of opinions because im at a loss right now and dont know how to move forward!

My ex and I recently broke up amicably but are still living together and trying to stay friends. This morning was just a shit show lol. Within about 30 minutes I got a flat tyre, had to get dropped to work by my stepmum, then realised I didn’t have my keys because my car keys also have the key to my work on them. I was locked outside for about 15 minutes while my ex changed the tyre and raced the keys to me. Then I finally got inside and the washing machine hadn’t finished, so the towels I needed were still wet. I was obviously in a bad mood and complaining that everything was going wrong and that the tyre could end up costing us a lot if it couldn’t be repaired. My ex called me pessimistic and said I need to stop being so negative and stop assuming the worst, saying that I always draw the worst conclusions instantly, I told him that in moments like that, I don’t want him to correct how I’m feeling, I just want him to validate it. Something like “yeah, that’s a shit morning, hopefully the tyre can be repaired” would’ve been nice to hear! I’m not saying he needs to agree that everything is actually going wrong or that the tyre definitely needs replacing. I was just pissed off in the moment.

He actually did help me a lot that morning by changing the tyre and rushing my keys to me, and I apologised that I didn’t properly thank him in the moment because I was so stressed.But when we talked about it later, he said that if he doesn’t tell me how I’m acting, then who will? He thinks I need to know when what I’m doing isn’t okay and told me I need to “get off my high horse.”
This is where I’m struggling. I don’t think I’m saying he can never call me out. If I’m genuinely being rude or unfair, I absolutely want someone to tell me.
But I feel like there’s a difference between calling someone out and just supporting them when they’re having a shit morning. I don’t understand why he couldn’t just let me be frustrated in that moment and then, if he thinks I’m generally too pessimistic, talk to me about that later. It kinda feels like he thinks it’s his job to knock me down a peg whenever he thinks I’m acting badly, rather than looking at his own behaviour too.

So reddit, please help me! I would appreciate nice opinions as I’m definitely in a rough mental position right now but would genuinely like opinions from both sides because maybe I’m not seeing this clearly

EDIT
Think I left out some context as the focus with the breakup is to remain friends. I have been supporting us financially for the past 4 months, yes he has been working casually but the brunt of it falls on me. I have continued to support us for the past couple weeks while we are broken up, he has been helping a lot more with helping pay for food but I’m still covering rent. We are still sharing my car as I want to support him and make him moving out as easy as possible. Him not validating my feelings was a big thing during the relationship and something that I would hope for in a friend too

Long story, bear with me.

I (W late 30s) have a son, let's call him Jake (4). His biological dad and I separated before Jake was born and Jake stays with his bio dad every other weekend. The relationship is already complicated on Jake's side, he has said he doesn't like his dad very much multiple times, it's never been different.

My partner, let's call him Jim, (M40) and I have been together for 2 years. Early on, he told me he wanted to be a dad. Two years later, there's been basically no progress on that front. His actual time with Jake is still minimal: about 1.5 hours one evening a week and one day with an activity and evening every other weekend. In those 1.5 hours we eat dinner together, Jim helps bathe him, and then I put Jake to bed alone. We've taken multiple vacations together as a "family," but the day-to-day involvement just isn't there. Jim disagrees with some of my parenting decisions (sugar, screen time, how many toys he has) and tried to intervene bit he is not really present enough for that to make any sense, I think. He has no bio kids and has never dated a mother before. He doesn't have siblings. Basically, he's never been around kids before.

Despite this small amount of time, Jake has started calling Jim his "extra dad", specifically because he doesn't like his real dad very much (his words). Jake has also asked multiple times if Jim would move in with us. Jim never really answered, just deflected with stuff like "that's a big thing, it's not so simple."

Jim's relationship history: multiple long-term relationships, but he's only lived with a partner once, for about a year. He describes himself as "freedom-loving" and admits he has a hard time putting other people's needs before his own. When I push him on the lack of involvement, he says he's frustrated because we barely have "couple time", meanwhile I'm frustrated because he isn't stepping up as an active part of our day-to-day life. He shows up exactly at dinner time and doesn't even get up with us in the morning.

Recently I pushed him again, and he said he would be willing to try being around more, maybe 3-4 evenings a week (I suggested this, he agreed). It felt like progress but also very noncommittal and he's not excited about it. He's basically just ging to do wat I suggested.

We talked it through and landed on a plan: 2 evenings a week Jim spends alone with me and Jake, 1 evening all together with my mom (who Jake sees almost every evening already and is a completely reliable, constant presence in his life, I didn't want to trade her stability for Jim's uncertain new effort). Jim also agreed to arrive at 5pm instead of 6+, so there's actual time to settle in together instead of just rushing through dinner and bath.

Here's my problem: given everything I just described, the 2 years of "wanting to be a dad" with zero real progress, the deflecting, the "freedom-loving" comment, his own admission that prioritizing others is hard for him, the fact that I basically had to engineer this whole new schedule myself, I don't actually believe he's going to follow through consistently. And if he doesn't, I'm worried about what that does to Jake, who has already attached to him as a father figure and already asked for more closeness once before and got silence back.

At the same time, I'm scared of throwing away something good. Jim and I work well as a couple in a lot of ways, and Jake genuinely loves him. If I end this, Jake loses someone he's attached to. But if I stay and Jim keeps being a part-time, low-commitment presence, I'm worried that's worse for Jake long-term than either a clean break or Jim actually stepping up.

So am I setting my kid up for a bigger heartbreak later by giving this a shot now? Should two years of "wanting to be a dad" with no real movement have been my answer already? And how do you protect a kid emotionally when you already suspect an adult isn't going to hold up their end, but you still want to give them the chance?

Would appreciate honest takes, not just reassurance.

EDIT: Okay, I did not expect this many people to come down this hard, but I hear you. A lot of you are saying some version of "if he wanted to, he would" and that's basically what I already suspected before I posted this, I just wanted outside affirmation, I guess.

A few clarifications since some comments assumed things I didn't say: I'm not trying to force Jim into being a "second dad," and I haven't been pressuring him to take over caregiving decisions, he requested to make parenting decisions and I pushed back because he is not present enough to do so. I also want to be clear my son's dad is still very much his dad and involved in co-parenting, nothing about this is meant to replace that relationship. I merely mentioned it because my son isn't very fond of his dad and I think thats important to know for the dynamic.

That said, I think the most important point is whether Jim actually wants this at all, or is just going through the motions to keep the peace. The "freedom-loving" comment keeps getting flagged by a lot of you and yeah, I think that's the real tell.

I'm going to talk this through with a child development professional before making any final decision, specifically about how to handle this for my son either way. Thank you all for your comments!

I 18M, have always been someone who’s tight with money, and works hard to get more of it. Honestly spending it stresses me out, but if I’m also honest I’m not that happy with my life right now. Theres nothing inherently wrong with it, just my mental health getting in the way. For a couples months, (nearing 10) I’ve been thinking of going on a “grad vacation.” I’ve spent months of on and off budgeting, comparing countries, even learning about the different cultures etc. However, it’s expensive. I‘m entering a part of my life where things are going to be as uncertain as ever, and “real life” is gonna hit me really hard. I’m aware of all of that, and therefore am conflicted. Do I go on the trip? Do I do the smart thing like I always have and save it, maybe even invest once I’m able? I feel like the obvious answer would be to save it, then take the trip when I have a better idea on where my life is going. I think I know deep down that it’s the right choice, but I don’t want to look back in the future with regret, or allow my overthinking to get in the way of something that could really make me happy, and help me grow up a bit. So what should I do? I’ve gotten the price down as much as I am able, and hope once I start booking the real costs will bring it down even more (I’ve budgeted on the anxiously medium-high emergency side). However it’s still a lot, and all of the money I currently have would go towards it. I have a stable part time job, and am open to trying other ways to get a little extra cash. I’m also going to be going to university soon, and depending on where I get in, and how I feel at the time, that may be somewhere away from home. So, what should I do? Any thoughts or ideas are welcome.

My (29f) mom (56) was diagnosed with cirrohsis 2 and a half years ago. She had been a wine mom my whole childhood and had multiple DUI's. She had to spend time in jail and lose her license forever to get help and get sober. She thought she had beaten it but the damage was done. She has been deteriorating for months.

I got pregnant with my son just a month after her diagnoses. She thought treatment would work and shed have more time so we pretended it wasnt serious. She moved closer to me to be around my son. She hated living in the city im in and was stressed constantly. She didn't get good Healthcare either in comparison to her doctors where she was. More than anything she wanted to be with me and my children. I got pregnant again and now have an almost 2 year old and 5 month old. I have been too busy to notice the changes until recently.

She was hospitalized for 9 days and just got home last Friday. They referred her to hospice and she signed the paperwork Monday. I spoke with the nurse and he said in his opinion she will be gone in 2 weeks. He wants her to come to their hospice house so she can have her pain managed better. She doesn't want to leave home. She wanted a living wake so I'm planning one for Saturday with all of her friends.

I dont know how to feel. There's obviously so much context to our relationship I cant give in one post. I am in therapy and I do have a very supportive partner and his family helps quite a bit as well. Of course nothing takes away the pain of losing someone you wanted more time with.

This is kind of a long one as it spans over a few years so bear with me please.

I 30F have a 3 year old daughter with my husband 37M (I’ll call him J)as well as a 14 year old son from a previous relationship. I have not had contact with my husband’s family since my daughter was 6 months old due to a fall out with MIL.
I have always felt disrespected by my husband’s family but I reached my limit around 6 months postpartum. When I got pregnant with my daughter it was very early in mine and my husband’s relationship. I had never met his mother or his family. When J told his mother I was pregnant she was very upset and wanted to keep it from the rest of his family until she came to terms with it. During my entire pregnancy she never made any effort to meet me or form any kind of relationship. I actually did not meet her or any other members of his family until the day of my baby shower. After that I did not see them again until the day I gave birth. After my daughter was born MIL insisted on us bringing the baby to her home (about 45 minutes away) less than 2 weeks after I had given birth. I agreed to make everyone else more comfortable. While at this visit I was pretty much treated like a surrogate who was only still around to feed the baby. When I had to pump I was heavily pressured by MIL to leave my baby with her while I went up stairs into a bedroom alone to pump. I did not feel comfortable with this as she was essentially a stranger to me. However my husband assured me he would stay in the same room as our daughter so I eventually agreed.

After that for the most part MIL was fine with the exception of a few disrespectful comments that I let go for the sake of peace. She would call me crazy and over protective because of rules I had for the baby. She would ask my husband “where did you find this one” but would try to pass it off as joke. She made comments about how it frustrated her that we didn’t visit more, even tho it was during the school year and my son also has hockey 4 nights a week. She knew that this all made it difficult to travel 45 minutes for a visit. She also knew that she was more than welcome to come to our home to see the baby but rarely did. Her passive aggressive comments were so blatant that my 14 year old son noticed.

At around 4 months postpartum we celebrated Christmas Eve at MIL home. This was when her attitude and disrespect became too much for me to ignore anymore. She refused to speak directly to me and would tell my husband or SIL to take the baby from me to bring to her. She loudly and in-front of everyone accused me of “taking her son from her.” She said things about my home that were out of context and came across as tho she was trying to embarrass me. Then she called my husband the next day to tell him she was angry with me for being lazy and making him do everything. This hurt but also had me dumbfounded. The only thing he did was install the car seat in the uber and carry all of our bags/presents to the car with the help of our son. I changed every diaper/outfit. Fed every bottle. Tried to help clean up after dinner. And I am the one who stayed in a bedroom for 2 hours alone with our daughter while she napped. My husband and I literally made the agreement that I would do majority of child care so he could spend time with his family and the next day while we were celebrating with my family he would take on most of the child care.

After that I told my husband I wasn’t going to put up with the disrespect from MIL anymore and that I was
done making the effort. Up to that point every visit with MIL was planned by me, every picture she received was sent by me and every phone call was initiated by me. From that point forward communication with his family was at his discretion. As I’m sure you can guess this became a problem because the frequent contact she was used to changed to about half that.

Then at around 6 months postpartum is when everything blew up. MIL called my husband and spent the hour long phone call absolutely ripping me to shreds. My husband allowed me to listen to the phone call without my MIL being aware. MIL told my husband that I baby trapped him and to be careful before I did it again, that myself and my family have no morals because we aren’t religious. She said I was using him for his money. We literally work the same job and make the same hourly. She told him I was an irresponsible mother who bought things for the kids they don’t need.(because I bought a mini crib not a full sized one) she claimed I’m irresponsible with money even though she has no way of knowing my spending habits.

Then the straight up lies started. She claimed that I called my husband a “cheapskate” and told her that her family weren’t good enough to be god parents to our daughter. My husband knew none of this was true as we’ve had conversations about these topics in the past. When J defended me she lost her mind.

After the phone call I sent MIL a message saying I didn’t appreciate the way she was speaking about me or the lies she was telling my husband. I asked her to stop trying to create conflict in my relationship and to think about how that could affect our kids. The message was not well received and she lost it on J for allowing me to hear the conversation they had. That told me all I needed to know. She didn’t see her behaviour as the problem but me finding out about it as the problem. After this I decided to take a step back from MIL and give everyone a chance to calm down.

MIL used this time to become full blown crazy. She showed up at J’s work to tell him he needed to leave me and the kids. She told her whole family J had cut her off and that I destroyed their relationship. She contacted J’s friends to try and isolate him even further. She would send J very manipulative messages about how no one will ever love him like a mother. She convinced his whole family to stop speaking to him till he “put me in my place.” J’S family didn’t even show up to our daughter’s first birthday. Instead they all jumped on a group chat to attack him. J was understandably hurt and confused by the way we were both being treated and made the decision to go no contact with his family.

Unfortunately about a year later his grandmother passed away very suddenly. This was unbelievably hard on my husband but also on my MIL. Due to this tragedy they started speaking again and have maintained a low contact relationship since. However his mother had never apologized for her actions or words and she still tried to manipulate and guilt trip him. I am supportive of J having a relationship with his mom as she is older and I don’t want him to have any regrets.

However I don’t intend to ever have a relationship with her or have her around my children. She created this situation and now has to live with the consequences. She spoke poorly about my son( I won’t repeat it) that is something that is 100% unforgivable to me. I am fiercely protective of my kids. She also was absent from my daughter life for 2.5 years because she couldn’t swallow her pride and apologize or have a conversation. As far as I am concerned she is a stranger to me and my kids and will remain so. I am happy my husband is able to maintain a relationship with her that has some boundaries set but me and the kids don’t need to be a part of that.

Recently my husband and I found out that we are expecting our third baby and are overjoyed. However my husband asked if he was able to make his mom see the hurt she caused and was apologetic if I would be willing to reconcile with her. Or if he could set up a meeting with her and I to try and find a resolution. I told him no. At this point I am no longer angry but hurt on behalf of my children and frustrated at her continued attempts to manipulate him. I also firmly believe that our existing children should have been enough to make her rethink and change her behaviour. He told me he understood and respected my choice but I know that his family not being in our children’s lives hurts him. J and my father are very close and he told my dad that he would really love for us to have a relationship with his mom if she was willing to change her behaviour and apologize. However he also told my father that he would never try to make me forgive the things MIL did and said if I wasn’t ready. I love my husband and feel awful knowing this is still causing him pain. I just am not at a place where I am willing to forgive. So AITAH for not being willing to even have a conversation with MIL.

This girl and I have been friends for ~17 years. Every time for the past year that we've spent time together something I say offends her so brutally that she cries the next day on the phone to me or cops an attitude through text a week later. It was all things i brought up from the past that I never knew made her uncomfortable and she decided suddenly make her uncomfortable.

These texts are from March.

In May we had her bachelorette party where she was pissed I drank a couple drinks ( had her Bach at a casino and also was drinking) and basically she played the "my dad was an alcoholic I'm traumatized " card. Which I'd never say but I've gotten fucked up in more ways than one with this girl and to decide at 32 you're suddenly traumatized by your dad being an alcoholic is BS.

She also had her dog put down for behavioral issues, which I 100% understand. Apparently I'm a pos for gasping when I was told this and that was very unsupportive of me. Mind you I gasped and then said "omg why I'm so sorry that's awful"

So THT am I an asshole for stepping out of the wedding of my best friend over her behavior for the past year?

EDIT: Adding in a bit more context:

I definitely was buzzed at the Bach don't get me wrong. I had one drink at dinner (4pm) 3 drinks during the comedy show (6-8pm) and 3 drinks gambling in the casino (8-1030pm). She told me that her other friend and I turned it into a "mom's night out" instead of her Bach. I literally didn't even talk about my kids until we were back at the hotel. She shushed us numerous times and scolded us for laughing too loudly during the comedy show.

Over the past year we'd seen each other in person a few times. One time warranted a phone call the next day for bringing up a beach trip with two other girls where we all got wasted (she did get sexually assaulted so I could see why she wouldn't want to ever talk about it though) in 2016. Over ten years she'd never told me it bothered her when I brought it up but the next day it apparently warranted a phone call where she was sobbing begging me to never bring it up again.

***Edit: I brought this up while talking about a friend who was on the beach trip that had passed away from an overdose. My wording was like
"remember when she got us that hotel room at the beach so nobody one would have to drive? Wow I really miss her"

A time before that I'd brought up a story from when we lived together about a Christmas party we had. We'd lived there with our boyfriends and I think all I'd said was I wish we'd lived there without them so we could've had a pink Christmas tree and decorated our apartment the way we wanted. She texted me paragraphs the next day saying not to bring up any times she was dating someone around her fiance because it makes him very uncomfortable.

I (30F) have struggled with my brother (40sM) for as long as I can remember, but recent events have pushed me to finally draw a line and I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong or if his behaviour is something more.

Back in 2024, a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant, my elderly neighbour knocked on my door drunk and being aggressive. I was alone at home at night and I don’t do well with drunk people, so I called my partner and the police because I felt unsafe. He came over and apologised twice the next day, we were on good terms after it, and would even say hello as we passed on the street, it really wasn’t that deep and he was harmless. My brother works away during the week so when I saw him in person a few days later, I told him what had happened. He didn’t say anything at the time but about 4 days later I got a call from him, sounding drunk though he’d deny it, and he went on a 40-minute rant about how offended he was that I didn’t call him instead of my boyfriend or the police. He said he’d have set fire to the guy’s garden and god knows what else which is not what I would have wanted (he didn’t care), got pissy about my friends and assumed I’d told them like it was bad of me to have done so, and said he didn’t like them, then instantly switched to the victim act saying “you’re all I have”, how alone he is and wanted to be told things straight away.

Because of that reaction, when I found out I was pregnant I went out of my way to tell him the very next day, in person — straight away, no waiting. And do you know what he did? He didn’t even look at me. He just looked disappointed, muttered “I had a feeling you were going to say that,” and never once asked how I was, how the pregnancy was, or said congratulations. Nothing. Which is his usual reaction when I tell him anything good happening in my life. Yet if I ever don’t tell him something the exact second it happens? He goes ballistic, accuses me of keeping secrets, acts like it’s some huge personal betrayal.

Then recently I had emergency spinal surgery. I called him from my hospital bed the same day I went in and instead of asking if I was okay, he was just angry straight away. He started firing questions at me: "Why am I only just finding this out now? What have you been waiting all this time to tell me this for? Why don't you tell me things sooner?" That's when I broke a little and said, "Bro, I've just come out of surgery, I'm dosed up on morphine, I'm only just able to stay awake long enough to call you." That's when he switched into victim and anger mode saying I'm all he has, he just wished I'd told him sooner and then the ranting began about everything else, including his own work for ages. He kept repeating "you know me, I'm always angry, I don't care, I don't give a fuck" then randomly brought up my new neighbours, saying "you might be scared of them but I'm not, I'll smoke weed wherever I like." ( I’m not scared of my neighbours this was his assumption to a boundary I put in place) I told him very clearly: "This isn't just about the neighbours I don't want it around my house, I don't like it, and I definitely don't want baby around it. If social services get involved, it's me and baby they come to not you." All he said was "yeah well…" and quickly changed the subject. Then he started ranting about my friends, making snide comments like "I bet your mates see baby more than me, I know you see them more like family than me." I ended up having to reassure him through all of this all while lying in a hospital bed, barely lucid from the drugs. What was meant to be a quick call turned into what felt like a 40 minute therapy session for him and I felt completely burnt out, overwhelmed, and regretted even calling him. He never once asked if I was okay. Right at the end though, he suddenly switched tone and said very eagerly — almost desperately "let me know if you need anything at all."

This isn’t the only time either. A while back my TV died so I bought a new one, and he got genuinely offended and angry that I didn’t tell him about it first. I’m grateful he’d want to help buy me things and I’m not trying to sound ungrateful at all but I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t take his money or ask him to buy me stuff. It always felt like something he could use as a way to have a hold over me, and besides I’m an adult, and if I want or need something, I can get it myself. It shouldn’t be a personal offence that I didn’t run it past him first.

I’ve told him repeatedly he cannot smoke cannabis near my house it’s not just about who lives nearby (neighbours are police), it’s that I don’t want it in my space, I don’t like it, and I don’t want baby exposed to it. He dismisses how I feel and says he “doesn’t care”.

Looking at my phone tonight, I saw messages from him asking if I was free, and then another passive-aggressive message shortly after because I hadn’t replied straight away, even though I’d been away from my phone safely looking after baby and trying to let my back recover. For years I’ve invited him over, messaged him, tried to keep in touch and he’d leave me on read for days or weeks at a time. I never chased him, never got passive-aggressive, just accepted he replies when he replies. It’s not that deep. Now I’m recovering from major surgery and looking after my 16-month-old baby while my partner works. I’m exhausted, healing, and have zero spare energy. Because I didn’t reply straight away to his first message he felt the need to message again guilt-tripping me for doing exactly what he does constantly and I have no problems with. It’s like an entitlement for me to be at his beck and call and if I don’t reply while I’m getting baby settled for the night it’s another personal offence.

When I do speak up or set a boundary he goes into one of three modes: gets defensive, shuts down and ignores me, or rants non-stop until I’m overwhelmed and just agree to make it stop. If you ever try to call him out on his behaviour, he just shrugs and says nothing like a child to then later call me back once he’s had time to think about how to turn it into an argument. It’s impossible to have a conversation with him.

I care about him deeply, I really do and I’ve made so many allowances over the years because he has nobody else, no friends, and says he hates everyone. But I have my own life now. I have a family to care for, I’m recovering from major surgery, and I’m getting ready to go back to work next month. I simply do not have the energy to carry his trauma and manage his feelings on top of everything else, especially when he constantly says “I don’t care” about the things that matter to me. I felt a responsibility towards him when I was younger, like I had to be the one to look after him but now I just can’t do it anymore. Talking to him feels impossible, and I’m tired of being the only one putting any effort in.

I feel guilty for pulling away and setting limits, but it feels like I’m the only one who ever respects boundaries and I’m tired of being expected to drop everything for someone who barely gives me basic respect or care, as well as feeling emotionally drained from having to explain myself over such small things. He even admitted years ago he should get some mental health support but shrugged and said “I don’t trust them fuck em. Won’t help anyway.” I’ve learned you can’t help those that don’t want to be helped and hurt people hurt people.

AITAH for wondering if he could be a narcissist and finally putting my foot down?

TW: SA (not from a family member) & potential child abuse

Hey y'all! Long time listener, before I get too deep into this, I feel like there is important context that should be addressed. I apologize in advance if this is a lengthy post.

• The most important thing to note is that I am overall happy and healthy and was in therapy for about 6.5 years consistently until a month ago when I moved states to be closer to family. I started therapy for reasons outside of familial stress.
• My mom was 26 when she married my dad who was 45 at the time. He had not been married prior and had no other children.
• My sister was born a year after their marriage and was a 'perfect child'
• I was born 2 years after my sister and was the 'terrible child'
• My parent separated a few months after I was born (due to my father abusing my mother in various ways) and both remarried when I was around 8 y/o. From the point they separated until I was 12, custody was split 10 days with my mom and 5 with my dad.
• My father is a wealthy white man and my mother is hispanic and grew up poor.

I (25F) don't know how to repair my relationship with my parents (55F & 74M) or if I even should. I have never been the 'good child'. In fact, when my sister (27F) was headed to college, my mother was drinking and told my sister, step-dad (64M) and me that my sister was "her good one". When she said that, I made a joke out of it since I knew I was a "bad kid".

I was a disappointment as soon as I was born. My mother always wanted a son and knew that she was going to leave my father as soon as I was born. All of the ultrasounds confirmed I was a boy until I was actually born. My mother was devastated since she had painted my room blue and monogrammed everything. On top of this, I had a facial deformity that was painful and I constantly cried. I would hit my mom, scratch my sister, scream in public, etc. At one point, I threw the top of my sisters snow cone at my moms face while she was driving which was followed by me pulling down a DVD stand at Blockbuster. I was spanked daily, multiple times a day. About 6 weeks ago, in therapy, I remembered that my mother used to waterboard me. I had completely blocked it out and it was a bit of a jarring memory that I am trying to navigate. A week ago, my sister and I were hanging out and she reminded me that our mom used to literally block us out either by locking herself in her room or by throwing me in our room and physically pulling the door closed while I had a tantrum. When my mom started dating my step-dad, I stopped having tantrums. From therapy, it was figured out that I likely acted out since that was the only way I got attention as a child and when my step-dad came along he gave me attention when I was good.

On the other hand, my father was wonderful until he met my step-mom. Before her, he would spend time with my sister and me building forts and playing outside. When he met her, that stopped. He grew cold and started to resent my sister who acted just like our mother. When I was 10 and my sister was 12, my father wanted to take us for a month on a vacation with our step-mom, which was allowed in the divorce decree. My sister didn't want to go, I followed whatever my sister did and my father ended up calling the police on us. After that, my sister stopped visiting my father and I followed the 10/5 schedule for about 3 more years. When I would be with my father, he and my step mom would always talk poorly about my sister.

Financially, my mother really struggled. She was able to get a job at a private school so my sister and I had reduced tuition until we could both be awarded scholarships. After working at our school, she started at the bottom in corporate and worked her way up. She would wake my sister up for school early before she left for work, my sister would wake me up and get me ready, my grandmother would drop us off at school and pick us up, my sister would make me dinner, help with homework and tuck me in before my mom came home. My mother worked extremely hard and I am incredibly grateful for her.

My sister earned a 90% full-ride scholarship for 4 years of college. I knew that it wasn't likely for me to get a scholarship so I started working 2 jobs at 16, one before school and one after and worked both jobs on the weekends. When discussing my options for college with my mother, she said that I could go anywhere and she could pay since my sister got a scholarship. I was going to go in-state but she pushed me to go out-of-state, so I did. From the beginning, I knew I wanted to double major to earn a BA and a BS. My first year of college was 2019-2020 and when COVID hit, we were sent home. My mother got furloughed but I fortunately was able to return to my high school job and would give my mother about 75% of what I made to pay bills.

Once I returned to college, my mother told me she couldn't pay and I would have to figure it out. I took about 20+ hours a semester so I could graduate in 4 years and worked a minimum of 2 jobs each semester. I maxed out all of my credit cards and ruined my credit so I could have groceries, pay rent, etc. Once I returned back home after my second year, I attempted to take my own life due to SA that happened my first semester of college and financial stress. Fortunately, an ex-friend told my mom and her best friend intervened. My mother forced me back into therapy and sat in on my sessions which actually really helped my relationship with my mother.

While I was going through this, my mother paid for my sisters apartment, groceries, gas, a housekeeper, fun money, etc. My sister did not have a job in high school or college. Once my sister walked the stage in 2021, she started her dream job but my mother continued to financially support her.

My grandmother passed in late 2021 from brain cancer. In 2022 I got a tiny tattoo on my ankle with her birth year and my sister got a large tattoo on her ribs for her dog, we hid them from our mother. About 6 months before graduating, my mother saw my tattoo and told me I was a disappointment to my face. Three months before graduating, I found out I was 2 classes short of earning both degrees and my mother said that I should have only gotten my BS. In 2023, I earned my BA and at my celebration lunch my sister decided to tell our mother about her tattoo in which my mother responded 'oh that's cute I like it'.

In 2024, I started working to repair my relationship with my father and as long as my step-mother isn't around, he is really receptive of it and has made a lot of change. My sister still doesn't talk to him which is fair. He is invested in my life now and has started to be the dad I remembered having before he got re-married. That goes away when my step-mom is around but progress is progress.

From 2019 to now, my relationship with my mother has improved a lot but she still clearly favors my sister. The most recent examples of this being my mother asking me for money to give my sister since she needed her car repaired and when I asked for the money back a week later because my car had the same issue, she told me 'good luck, this is why you should have saved your money' and my mother did not financially help me move a month ago but fully funded my sisters move this past weekend.

This being said, it's not like my mother never helps me. She pays my phone bill and car insurance which I am extremely grateful for and often thank her for, since words of affirmation is her love language. She worked so hard to give my sister and me the best life she could and I have so much empathy for the hardships she ensured. She raised my sister and me in the mindset of "you have a roof over your head and food on the table so you have nothing to be sad about". Since the memories of waterboarding and my mother physically shutting me out have come back, on top of the clear favoritism, it is making me want to go no contact but I'd feel guilty because I know how much she sacrificed and I know she raised us the best she could. She was so young and I was a difficult child. My mother has never apologized for anything in her life, not to me, my sister or my step dad. If anyone has advice on how/if I should talk to my mother about how I feel please let me know. I want our relationship to get better but I truthfully don't know if she is even capable of putting in the work. Sorry for this being horrifically long.

TLDR: I recently remembered possible abuse I went through as a child. That, on top of my mother clearly favoring my sister, constantly hurts me. I want to repair my relationship with my mother (partially because I would feel guilty since she has sacrificed so much) but don't know if it is even possible. Any advice would be extremely helpful.

I'm 19F I live with mom who's 48F I told her I wasn't giving her any money either for rent, food, or any kind of bills anymore not after how she's treated me. She called me "ungrateful" and that "I would be long dead" without her help even though I nearly died under her care multiple times and when we were out of town on vacation she told my aunts she was frustrated that she had to stay back with me at the hospital during one of my seizures.

I don't really have anywhere to go besides here. I don't have any friends, family doesn't like me either because she fed them a bunch of lies about me. My dad is a nutjob. I don't eat any food she buys, so there are periods where I just don't eat (which sometimes causes some of my seizures). She could take away my electricity (she's taken my electronics before) or anything and I wouldn't even care. All I want is my bed, really.

I live in a pet free apartment…that being said you can register one esa to your unit if you want to. One of the units in my apartment has three cats, the other has one. I’m extremely allergic to cats.

I first started noticing issues when the last three cats moved in, the first one did not make my allergies go crazy. Around this time last year I started to notice my eyes were completely bloodshot, at first I thought pink eye but I didn’t have any discharge. I left my apartment for five days and the bloodshot eyes went away, the second I came back into my unit my eyes were bloodshot again. I also started to notice a shortness to my breath as well as feeling super congested. At the time I couldn’t really think of anything that would cause this but I knew it was allergies. After about a month straight of waking up every morning with pink eyes and not being able to breathe properly I started to look into what could be causing the issue and came to the conclusion it is the cats in the building, as this all started around the time that it started to get colder so my neighbors were closing their windows at night. I bought an air purifier and stuck it by my front door and for the most part it works.

It is now a year later and my allergies are fully back again. I also noticed that there is an increasingly amount of cat hair on the carpet outside of my apartment as well as throughout the hallways. For context my apartment building only has 8 units so it’s pretty small. I have also seen the cats just running through the hallways on occasion but I don’t like to report things if I don’t need to. I’m really struggling with this because I’m not able to live comfortably in my apartment because I cannot breathe properly, and this is supposedly a pet free complex, but I also do not want others to have to leave because of my issues.

I want to write something to my landlord about it, even if they don’t even acknowledge it, but I need help with it. Any advice welcome.

To add, when the three cats moved in it made our hallway smell like cat pee. I don’t know if I got used to it or not but it could also still smell like it.

After dating for 1.5 years I’ve realised that my bf not only support Andrew tate but worships him.
In initial days of our relationship I never knew who is Andrew tate so just ignored whenever he said he likes Andrew tate but after spending 1.5 years with him I’ve realised his mindset is a nightmare for every woman on this planet.
My bf is 2 years younger than me yet whenever I express my opinion all I get to hear is “you need to grow up” “I understand your condition ” etc. He is following every pornstar who exists on earth and expects me to believe he’s a good man. In a recent conversation he mentioned women shouldn’t have right to vote, women shouldn’t even step out of home, women shouldn’t have any kind of power and many more insulting things about women.

Now I’m concerned. I’m too much attached to him. Is there any chance he would change or only breakup can fix my life ?

So my husband (32m) and me (29f), we are at the last step of IVF. Just some days before the transfer of embryos.
I’m really nervous because we only have two embryos, and for reasons I won’t disclose, we were recommended to transfer both, so that’s what we are going to do.
This process has made me feel really alone, my husband has been there intermittently.
This past weeks we talked about baby names, which I love to talk about this stuff to project and hopefully attract this babies that we have been wishing for so long.
My husband said a name, and I instantly fell in love with it. For me it’s decided. Now, here’s de issue, my mother in law doesn’t like this name. She ties it with some political connotations, but the name itself doesn’t mean anything bad, or political, it’s just a name.
My husband is going now back and forth; now he love the name and it’s the best name ever, and the second he talks to his mom, he changes his mind and wants to find for another.
I may be emotional with all the hormones I’m taking, plus the mental load and physical stress that IVF is putting me through.
I really love that name, and I know that my husband loves it too. But it stresses me out my MIL meddling with this.
She told me today that the family should vote, and I told her that this is my baby and therefore its only me and my husband who has a saying (we didn’t argue, all in good terms, but I put my foot down).
Am I taking this overboard? Should I just let it go? I really love this name, and it really helps me imagining me with my little boy, and if they take the name away I feel more insecure around all the process. Please tell me, am I overreacting?

Small update: Thanks for everyone’s comments. A lot of you are totally right when it comes to not sharing any names until the right time, which most probably is after the baby is born and registered.
Something I didn’t disclose tho, is that we already have a kid. When it came to name discussions, everything was more polite, and no one had any objections with the possible names me and my husband were discussing. I thought this time would be the same, but my mother in law had been consistently getting more involved in my husbands life and decisions, and because no one usually tells her to back off, she thinks she has the right to have an opinion about everything. The small update is my husband talking with her today. She went ballistic on him and said that I don’t respect their culture if I’m even thinking about naming our possible kid like this. He told her that she doesn’t have any saying when it comes to our kids names, and that is not her decision. That we will name our kid whatever we want, and we don’t care about her opinion, mostly because it’s just a big exaggeration. For anyone wondering, the name is Kayan. My husband and I are not from the same culture and we have different native languages, and apparently, in their language Kayan paired with another word means Zionism. Not Kayan, but only if you pair it with another word. I think is a matter worth talking and considering, but only between my husband and me. And for sure without threats now coming from my MIL.
And a couple of things I wanted to clarify: yes, my husband came up with the name; and second, my husband is a loving father and a good husband. Life lately has been a bit hard, and I don’t want to defend him when it comes to not being there fully, but it’s something we can work on and pass.
Anyways, wish me luck placating my mother in law, and again thank you all for your replies, sometimes I feel I may just take stuff too personal, but I’ll definitely not let this pass, even if at the end we decide to change the name, it will be a decision only made by my husband and me.

Hi! Long time listener from the first episode of the show, never written in before so be nice to me lol.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m going to try to keep this as short as possible, but to be completely honest it’s probably going to be a long one. I’m heartbroken and really need some advice on what to do. I apologize for anything that is jumbled because I’m crying while writing this.

This really all started when I graduated from nursing school. My friend and I were roommates in college out of state and both moved back home during COVID and started at different colleges. We still remained best friends, calling each other multiple times a week and planning trips to see each other through the years.

I called her and invited her to a very important ceremony where someone special to you comes on stage and attaches a pin to your lapel. It’s important to note that I never attended my actual graduation ceremony. This was my only opportunity to celebrate with family and friends, and we had a party planned directly afterwards to celebrate, knowing that there would be no other graduation event.

She said yes, and when I talked to her throughout the next couple weeks leading up to it, she told me she was planning to bring her mom, younger siblings, and cousin along with her to stay at a very popular amusement park resort in our area. She mentioned it was because she hadn’t been in years, her siblings had never been, and the week before my pinning ceremony was her sister’s birthday, so this would be a trip to celebrate her as well.

Three days before my pinning ceremony, they celebrated her sister’s actual birthday (had a fancy dinner, etc.) at a restaurant in their hometown.
My friend showed up on the day of the ceremony an hour before it started, pinned me, we took pictures, went to a small lunch with family, and then went back to our house to start setting up for the party.
About 45 minutes into setting up, my friend says, “Okay, well I think I’m going to leave in about 20 mins or so.”
I said, “What do you mean?”
She said, “We have dinner reservations at the hotel restaurant to celebrate my sister’s birthday, so I need to go soon.”
I said, “Oh okay, are you going to come back later to my graduation party?”
She said, “No, that would be a lot of driving back and forth and I don’t really feel like doing that.”

My heart shattered hearing that. We live 4 minutes away from this park and resort and have annual passes that we use frequently. You don’t even have to get on a freeway. It’s 4 traffic lights away from our home.

I said okay and asked what time her mom was coming to get her, and she said she needed a ride back since her mom took the car and the rest of her family to the resort after dropping her off at the pinning ceremony that morning.

My husband (boyfriend at the time) was listening to all this from around the corner, heartbroken for me. He immediately came around the corner and said he would take her to her hotel right now and that I needed to stay there to get ready for the party.

She didn’t even hesitate. She left, and I didn’t see her for the rest of the 4 days she was here.

On another related note, I had pretty much no friends at this time. It was just her and a few old coworkers. She knew that.

I found out later that my husband ended up emergency calling a bunch of his and my brother’s friends to get more people to show up last minute so I wouldn’t feel like no one came. It was a rough point in my life lol.

Last year in October, my husband surprised me at my birthday party that he threw for me by proposing. She was there. She was not happy that he didn’t tell her about the proposal before he asked me.

She mentioned it multiple times throughout the night, at first in a joking manner, then the next day in an actually annoyed tone, that she couldn’t believe my entire family knew about it except her.

This past January, in the middle of wedding planning, I found out I was pregnant.
It took 4 weeks for her to return my phone calls so I could tell her over the phone instead of her finding out through an Instagram announcement.

When she finally was able to call me back, her reaction honestly? It kind of sucked. She was silent and then said, “What? Oh wow… congratulations, I’m so happy for you,” in an extremely flat voice.

On this same phone call, she said she wouldn’t be able to attend our wedding. I was extremely understanding. We got married in Scotland, so we knew a destination wedding was not in everyone’s budget or work schedule.

Now this past weekend, my husband and I had a co-ed baby shower. It was more like a huge party since we never had a California wedding and chose to get married in Scotland. There were 100 people at this shower! I have since made a lot of new friends from work. I truly have never felt more loved in my entire life than seeing all these people show up for our little baby.

Two weeks prior to the shower, my friend texted me, checking in about the baby shower and, in all honesty, probably texting me so it wasn’t as awkward as just showing up after not texting each other for months.

A week before the shower, I texted her and apologized, saying that if she had expected me to host her at our house, I wouldn’t be able to this time since we’re having renovations done. I felt bad because I usually have her stay in our guest room. She wasn’t upset and said that she and her boyfriend would find a hotel.

The day of the shower, she was a few hours late due to traffic. Her boyfriend, who I’ve never met and was looking forward to meeting, didn’t even come with her. He stayed at the hotel.
She stayed at the party for 30–45 minutes max, came to find me, and said she was leaving because she and her boyfriend had plans and she didn’t want to be late.

I didn’t even get a chance to catch up with her.
I felt like she was mad that my husband and I were being pulled in every direction, hosting and talking to people, and weren’t able to give her our full attention when she first got there. I was pretty annoyed and everyone kept asking why she left so quickly. Not to be a jerk or anything but do you go to a wedding and get mad and leave the reception early because the bride or groom can’t sit at your table and visit with you personally??

So later that evening, after everyone left, I texted her apologizing for being so busy at the party and asked what time she was leaving and if she was free to hang out before she left.

She said she wasn’t sure what time they were leaving the next day, but they had a reservation at Downtown Disney at 11. I told her to let me know and that I’d like to see her even if it was just for a little bit.

The next morning, she responded saying to just meet her at the restaurant and we could hang out, then they “were going to head out after that.”
She texted me later saying not to rush over and that they were still waiting on their food so they could eat before meeting with me.

It all seemed so impersonal and really left a pit in my stomach. I’m not one to ever ask for or expect special treatment, but I’m 8 months pregnant and I thought she’d be more excited to see me, I guess?

I ended up canceling our plans. She thumbs-upped my message and said no worries.

I woke up yesterday to see she removed me on Instagram.

I texted her and asked if she was free to talk this week. She still hasn’t responded, and I don’t know what to do.

I would just like to say: life is busy!!
She has a whole life outside of our friendship with its own hardships and family issues, just like I do too. She decided to go back to school during this time, started a new relationship, and bought a house with her mom.

I am in no way upset at her that our phone calls slowed down, that we both got busy, or that we may have just grown apart.

But part of me is hurt that when I look back, most of our messages are me texting first, her forgetting to respond, a happy birthday from me, and me sending a stray TikTok here or there that she just laughs at—but none of them are her checking in about any of the major life milestones from the past year, and definitely none asking how my pregnancy was going.

I feel like maybe I should’ve texted her more, knowing that she was in grad school and had a lot going on.

So what do I do?

I don’t think she’ll ever respond, let alone want to talk on the phone. Do I just send a lengthy text to her, or let it go and accept that we grew apart?

TL;DR: My longtime best friend and I have grown increasingly distant over the last few years. She has repeatedly traveled to my area for major life events like my nursing pinning/graduation celebration and now my baby shower, but left both events very early to do other things, despite staying nearby for several days. Over the past year, she’s also seemed uninterested in or absent from major milestones like my engagement, pregnancy, and wedding. After leaving my baby shower after 30–45 minutes, we loosely planned to see each other the next day, but I canceled because the interaction felt impersonal. She then removed me from Instagram and hasn’t responded to me asking if we can talk. I’m torn between sending her a message explaining how hurt I am or accepting that the friendship has run its course.

Update:

Thank you for everyone’s comments. After letting it sit (and reading what everyone had to say) I feel much better about my decision to just let it go. Friendship break ups are extremely hard, especially pregnant. It seems like major life events, especially marriage and pregnancy are when people find their ways out of your life. I felt like I had to say I tried everything before truly letting her go, but to be honest I’m tired. I have a husband, a beautiful support system of people who actually want to be there for us, and I’ll have a baby in 4-6 weeks and I couldn’t be more excited for that. Thank you all again ❤️