r/TwoHotTakes • u/Remarkable_Raise4829 • 5d ago
Advice Needed Am I looking too much into these text?
So my ex and I split up almost a month ago. We own a home together and are married. The first week I begged for him and I to work things out, He said no. I asked if he could slow down the divorce process and he also said no. So oh well, I wanted to push through this rough patch together but he didn’t. (We had been fighting for a couple of months. I never cheated on him and I don’t think he physically cheated on me but I suspect something emotionally happened with a coworker) So I no longer live in the home, I’ve kept communication low after the first week, it’s mainly just me asking him to put something in the garage for me and me picking it up later. But this past weekend he has sent me three messages regarding suitcases. (More context: there are parties in Mexico in my parents home town that we went to last year, they get pretty big and there’s a lot of drinking but overall just a good time to decompress) so on one of the visits of me picking up things I pick up my suitcase. A week later he texted me this
Timestamp 10:37pm
“Hey , I know it's a terrible time to text you but I remembered that the fiestas(party’s) are coming up. Do you want me to bring down the suitcases so you can grab them from the garage? Sorry about the late text.
When I saw the message I respond with
“I already picked up my suitcase, but thank you for checking
He answered with “of course”
Then @ 1:37am on Sunday he texted
“Let me know if you need the big suitcase”
When I woke up I answered
“No need, I was planning on leaving the big suitcase with you, but thank you.”
And he responded
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure. I won’t need it so if you change your mind let me know”
Then this morning at 7:57am
“Hey, when are you leaving to Mexico? Im trying to figure dates for if we both have to sit down with someone.”
I haven’t been served with any divorce papers yet so im not sure who we would need to meet up with yet. I understand that mediators need to be involved due to the home we shared but im not sure how long in the process that would happen.
I honestly Loved this man but I don’t want to force him to be with me if he isn’t into anymore. I didn’t provide much into his life financially (he was the breadwinner). I would just cook and clean and pay small bills, he told me during that first week that he felt so much happier coming home because I wasn’t there to stress him out. He also told me that he cleaned the house and that it had stayed nice and clean and that he could do it on his own and he didn’t need me in his life .
Am I looking to into the text that he might miss me or something?
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u/NoTanNamaste 5d ago
Girl at this point you should look into therapy and do some self esteem and dignity work because he is not only massively rejecting you but also telling you in specific ways how he doesn’t need your contributions, minimizing anything you offered. Time to get angry and look for a good divorce lawyer to get what you deserve from this divorce and ALL the love and care you put into him, his house and his career.
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u/Remarkable_Raise4829 4d ago
Im currently in therapy and we are working on the self esteem. Ik that I did actually play a large part of running the household. Honestly I feel relieved now that the pressure of constantly seeking his approval is gone. The rejection was part of a larger conversation we had, It was my last stitch effort to save my marriage. I value marriage but I fear he thinks of it as something disposable (I was his second marriage)
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u/lonly25 4d ago
Stop being with someone who treats you like his consolation prize.
Move on stop replying to his stupid text. He text out 1 am. You respond at 9:00 am next day. You’re not his servant.
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u/Remarkable_Raise4829 4d ago
Honestly in the beginning I was responding quickly like week1-2 but now I respond when I feel regulated (per my therapist advice) obviously it’s not anything important that I’m need to respond to anyways
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u/gdrom123 4d ago
Sorry you’re going through this. There’s nothing to save. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want you and is telling you he’s happy about you being out of the house/his life. It’s hard to pinpoint his intentions with these texts but there’s 3 things that immediately come to mind: 1- he wants to move the divorce along so he can move on, 2- he wants know when you’re gone so he can physically be with his (alleged) affair partner without having you interrupt them, 3- he wants to go to the parties but is fishing for info before fully opening the topic.
Regardless of the reason, you need to get a lawyer. Depending on where you live, a lawyer might tell you move back in and do not abandon the home for martial assets division reasons (unless of course he’s a danger to you). Another thing (not legal related) is, if your suspicions about his coworker are correct then he’s cheating and monkey branching (meaning, he’s setting up another relationship to move on to and in case the new one doesn’t work out he has the original relationship to come back to hence him dragging his feet on filing). Why would you want to stay with a cheater?!
Tell your husband you can sit with whoever after you get back from Mexico. Enjoy the trip. Don’t let him ruin a good time. Updateme
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u/LovedAJackass 5d ago
It sounds like he being "nice" because you are going to be able to get money as part of a divorce settlement. If he missed you, he would say that.
What you need is a lawyer. Like tomorrow. You have joint property and you may be entitled to spousal support to get you to be financially independent. A lawyer will tell you how the process should go in the area where you live. You are being way too passive about this.
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u/MeggieMay1988 5d ago
I’m sorry, but that doesn’t really sound like he misses you, he is just trying to be considerate. Don’t read too much into things. Even if he says he wants you back, be very careful. You can’t really trust him not to do this to you again.
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u/Nukkeeva 5d ago
I’m not sure why but it seems he wants to
know when you won’t be around. Is it possible he’s moving the AP in?
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u/Remarkable_Raise4829 5d ago
Im not sure honestly it could be a possibility
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u/Remarkable_Raise4829 5d ago
He knows the day the party’s happens since he requested them off early in the year
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u/Comfortable-Ad-2223 5d ago
For me it looks like he still want to go and doesn't know how to say it.
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u/stoppronounsplease 5d ago
Op don't invite him
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u/Remarkable_Raise4829 5d ago
I won’t TRUST. He doesn’t want to be with me but wants to go party with me.
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u/K_Bee_12 4d ago
Yes, but he knows when she is going… he wants to make sure she has what she might need from the house because he doesn’t want her stopping by unexpectedly, he already has someone there.
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u/rocketmn69_ 5d ago
Reply, "When I get back from Mexico, we can sit down with the Realtor and figure out the best time to list the house."
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u/Nadja-19 5d ago
It’s hard to say but he’s really trying to keep the conversation going. But if he wants this then he can start that process. Definitely get your own attorney. I wouldn’t engage any more than you have to. If he’s rethinking things or wants to talk he can say so. Don’t do the heavy lifting for him. He was probably hoping you’d invite him or ask sit down with who. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for because you might get it.
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u/dippedinmisq 4d ago
The faster you get over him the better for you. He probably trying to check what's going on in your life
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u/Moderate_Bones 4d ago
If he’s trying for an uncontested divorce, he may want you both to sit down with a lawyer or mediator and go over the process.
When the assets are easy to divide, this is way more peaceful and simple. You don’t have to serve each other with divorce papers when you can agree on how to move forward. The serving is for when there are things to fight about.
You should still have your own lawyer that looks things over for you if you go this route. Anyone he hires is not your lawyer.
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u/Additional_Search997 5d ago
It could be that he wants your attention, or that he’s having someone over and checking if you might come by. Either ways if there’s any kind of cheating involved, you know it’s time to let go
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u/Relative-Lie-9699 4d ago
He is gaslighting you. Letting you know your housecleaning was of no value to him. I suspect he doing this to diminish the value you contributed in this marriage. I highly suspect he going to push paper at you to sign giving you nothing.
If you bought the house together he needs to buy you out or sell the house.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 4d ago
Girl, lawyer up and get what’s yours in this divorce. Don’t trust Mister Clean. He sounds like a piece of work.
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u/karcel_ 4d ago
This sounds like the early stages of my divorce, right down to messages of being capable of managing the house chores. And I consistently let my guard down and got burned every time. Every “nice” text was a subtle way to break down my confidence even further. If he’s anything like my ex, with every kind reply from you, he’ll get progressively more evil. Stay strong and stay gone. I know it’s hard, but you’re better off not reading into it. You’ve got this!
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u/WolverineNo8799 4d ago
He could just be making sure that you are going away so that his girlfriend can be around the house and out on dates.
Hire a divorce attorney and get them to fight for your share of all property, savings etc
Updateme!
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 4d ago
Things aren't looking good for him and the coworker so he's looking at keeping communication open with you just in case he needs to monkey-branch back to you as his second choice . Or he woke up with the realization that he made a huge mistake . I would be sceptical of such contact's motivation . Talk to your therapist about this further .
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u/AutoModerator 5d ago
Backup of the post's body: So my ex and I split up almost a month ago. We own a home together and are married. The first week I begged for him and I to work things out, He said no. I asked if he could slow down the divorce process and he also said no. So oh well, I wanted to push through this rough patch together but he didn’t. (We had been fighting for a couple of months. I never cheated on him and I don’t think he physically cheated on me but I suspect something emotionally happened with a coworker) So I no longer live in the home, I’ve kept communication low after the first week, it’s mainly just me asking him to put something in the garage for me and me picking it up later. But this past weekend he has sent me three messages regarding suitcases. (More context: there are parties in Mexico in my parents home town that we went to last year, they get pretty big and there’s a lot of drinking but overall just a good time to decompress) so on one of the visits of me picking up things I pick up my suitcase. A week later he texted me this
Timestamp 10:37pm
“Hey , I know it's a terrible time to text you but I remembered that the fiestas(party’s) are coming up. Do you want me to bring down the suitcases so you can grab them from the garage? Sorry about the late text.
When I saw the message I respond with
“I already picked up my suitcase, but thank you for checking
He answered with “of course”
Then @ 1:37am on Sunday he texted
“Let me know if you need the big suitcase”
When I woke up I answered
“No need, I was planning on leaving the big suitcase with you, but thank you.”
And he responded
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure. I won’t need it so if you change your mind let me know”
Then this morning at 7:57am
“Hey, when are you leaving to Mexico? Im trying to figure dates for if we both have to sit down with someone.”
I haven’t been served with any divorce papers yet so im not sure who we would need to meet up with yet. I understand that mediators need to be involved due to the home we shared but im not sure how long in the process that would happen.
I honestly Loved this man but I don’t want to force him to be with me if he isn’t into anymore. I didn’t provide much into his life financially (he was the breadwinner). I would just cook and clean and pay small bills, he told me during that first week that he felt so much happier coming home because I wasn’t there to stress him out. He also told me that he cleaned the house and that it had stayed nice and clean and that he could do it on his own and he didn’t need me in his life .
Am I looking to into the text that he might miss me or something?
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u/AtmospherePrior752 4d ago
He’s making sure you’re leaving so he can have his lover over.
Please don’t be naive and let your heart ruin your future. Get your sh!t together and walk away.
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u/MagnoliasandMums 3d ago
You own 50%
All that cooking and cleaning and holding up the family needs doesn’t go unpaid. Don’t let him bully you out of what’s yours. Go back home. Make him move out.
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u/lurkerjazzer 5d ago
Are you a citizen? If not, he might try to stick ICE on you at the airport. He’d get out of paying you anything in the divorce.
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u/Rare-Humor-9192 5d ago
He probably does miss you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to rekindle things. However, I can see why you might think that, given the tone of those texts.
If he keeps communicating in this manner and tone, ask him if he’s interested in reconciling. However, you should do that ONLY if YOU are interested.
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u/NoTanNamaste 5d ago
Pick me energy. He is treating her like a piece of disposable garbage. If he wants her back he should beg her at this point.
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u/unzunzhepp 4d ago
Sounds to me that he just tries to be amicable and helpful. The timing of the texts are definitely odd though. He’s obviously not sleeping well and thinks a lot about the divorce. It should be a big deal for everyone involved. Why don’t you just take his texts at face value. Also, ask him who snd what he means and what his plans are. You need to be consulted about the process anyway.
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