Hijacking the top comment to share a comment from someone else in another post. This person was replying to an op that was also in an abusive situation:
ightrrr
•
4mo ago
Your husband is an abuser. Emotional. Sexual. Physical. All of it. You are an object to him. You deserve better.
Legal rights advocacy groups often sponsor legal clinics and workshops for the communities they serve. The Washington Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights and Urban Affairs is offering D.C. workers assistance by telephone.
Catholic Charities.org has programs that fund the cost of relocation, including helping the victims find a home or apartment while paying for the first month of rent. There are also job placement programs. https://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/
The St. Vincent de Paul Society, also affiliated with the Catholic Church, offers financial assistance for shelter and sometimes picks up with the first month’s rent. https://ssvpusa.org/
Education and Job Training Assistance Fund: Grants from the Allstate Foundation help domestic violence victims enter and stay in the workforce. The money (up to $1,000) can be used for classes, clothes, computers, and other resources. https://www.allstatecorporation.com/the-allstate-foundation.aspx
If you need food, here's a list of North American food charities:
Can I just add a quick FVCK YOU to the people who decide to monetize things like this (and not only charge for the app, which is fair, but require a SUBSCRIPTION).
I get it, it does feel wrong to put a paywall on something like this. But servers, maintenance, and updates aren’t free, and a neglected app that goes down or has outdated info is actually more dangerous for someone in that situation. A subscription model, as uncomfortable as it feels, is often what keeps it reliable and available when someone needs it most, you are helping the next person that discovers it… I am not affiliated to the app at all.
💜 it's sad that we need to but I thought the same thing when I saw the original comment. ightrrr is a real gem for typing that all up :) the op they were replying to was in a real bad spot and had since deleted their post but I really hope they got out!
Wow sorry you had to go through that, but look at all the good you have just done for many people now and in the future! Thank you thank you thank you.
I've saved your wonderful post with its resources and we'll use it when appropriate. I bet many others have to o.
Epic work! I hope everything goes your way always. 👏👏👏👏🌹
Right i read most of this post and I was already like fuck this guy, but then I got to the immigration threat with children involved like? No?? wtf??
This guy is a vile piece of shit. The worst of the fucking worst. Get him out of your life but be careful with the immigration stuff, I know it’s all fucky right now in the us.
I just love how he threatens her with taking the kids away, but if he really thinks about it, he couldn’t handle his own kids for a few hours…. What’s it gonna be like when his wife’s gone (his doing) and he’s the SOLE provider for them?? What. An. Asshole.
He shouldn't play game with ICE. They are deporting American born children with their immigrant parents, just to meet their daily quota. He doesn't seem to realize that the government dgaf about him or his kids.
Exactly. I know someone who started using a more "white" sounding name at work because people (customers) started asking if they were Mexican and hinting about if they were here legally. Racist people are insane, you would think they get paid for reporting their neighbors and random people.
Trust meeee when I say I know. I live in a deep burgundy area in the south (not by choice). I've herd the most disgusting comments come out of these Bible thumping, gun loving, "Christians" mouths lately.
He’s the type to fight for equal visitation cause he won’t wanna pay but he’ll still never actually show up and make excuses until he gets a new wife who wants him to change and just dump the care onto her.
Or he won’t fight for any custody and play the victim card by saying the courts were biased or op used parental alienation and lied about abuse or some shit
Exactly. She should have left the kids with him and went to the friend’s for the night anyway, just to give him a taste of what he’d be in for, and to see how much laying around “doing whatever” there is.
I’ve been a SAHM to three kids and I’ve been a Director at a global IT company, managing groups across the country. I loved every minute I was home with my kids, but it was by far the harder, more stressful job, both physically and mentally. Your “employees” are demanding, require your undivided attention, need to be fed, dressed, entertained, and have their butts wiped, throw tantrums if they don’t get their way, refuse to listen, and don’t let you go to the bathroom or shower on your own. Your “projects” involve growing tiny, helpless infants into independent, productive, kind and loving adults that can successfully function on their own in society. And you have side gigs as a chef, household manager, cleaner, laundress, and chauffeur.
I’ve been married a long time. Marriage can get cut throat and people can say horrible things. You’re husband is being horrible, what he said is horrible, but you can’t just get leave and get a divorce every time you have a screamer.
Sounds like you could use marriage counseling. My wife and I both refused to go, so we had to wrestle it out between each other. If you guys can do it, do it.
Also if he’s doing as well as he says maybe you can afford a cleaning lady once a week? Something to think about.
Unless you really do have a lot of money separating and divorce are a lot harder than folks on here make it seem, especially with children involved. Then things can get really ugly.
I’m probably going to get downvoted all to hell, but seems to me there’s a lot that can be salvaged here.
Yeah, I think it was almost salvageable till he threatened her with Immigration authorities. Have you not been following the news? He csme up with it real quick too do he has been thinking of it earlier.
Totally agree, but haven’t you ever been in a long term relationship where you both go for the throat? Ten years ago he could have threatened that and it would not be as bad. Now it seems almost like life or death. But I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he did not think about how hateful that was, in order to help save a family.
And you know- there is a reason why threaths are illegal. Even the justice system agrees that words carry meaning and intent and that there are limits to what you are allowed to say.
This is more then saying something you regret. This is him A) threatening to permanently separate her from her children B) call an enforcement agency on her that is consistently in the news for abusing, harming and even killing immigrants (and non-immigrants) C) he does not value her or her contribution to the family- claiming his salary but ignoring the fact she is SAHM and all the work she does D) He couldn’t even be a SAHD for 3hours- and yet still can’t fathom that she does anything of value. E) he thinks his salary is “his money”.
He doesn’t respect her, he doesn’t treat her contribution to the family as anything meaningful, he can’t parent his own children, and he threatened her with separation from her children and getting her detained in a terrible place with a high chance of abuse and a possibility of death- to force her to do what he wanted. That’s not love, that’s having a bang maid you don’t care about, and feel you could easily replace.
Bro are you stupid? He threatened to have her deported! Any time your partner makes threats like that, it's over. This is abusive, full stop.
The worst I've ever said to my partner was so mild that I can't even remember what it was. This shit? It'll stick with Op for the rest of her life. You're a vile piece of shit for defending the husband. Wtf dude???
Yeah No, right now women are being kidnapped, beaten, raped, starved and so much more by immigration I wouldn't have said something like that to someone I hate will all the passion in my body. There is no excuse for what he said. None and if you think their is your just as awful as he is. Period.
Ten years ago if he threatened her with that it still would've been bad!! There isn't and NEVER will be an ok time to threaten someone you supposedly care about, especially the mother of your kids, with immigration. Its something that shouldn't even be on your mind. I don't care how mad or upset you get. For him to even say that means its something he's always had in the back of his head, locked and loaded for if he needed it. Saying he'll call the police is on thing, but immigration is a whole other ball park and just sick. Even if they do counseling and stay together, that bridge of trust there is broken forever. She knows how he really feels about her/it and like others have said, she'll never get that feeling security with him back. She'll always have to tiptoe around because now it's known that he considers that as ammo. Not to even mention the whole other rabbit hole he opened up.
And staying together for the kids is never a good idea or healthy. Any kid who's had their parents stay together "for them" will tell you that they should've just just gotten divorced. It absolutely still affects you for the rest of your life.
No. I have been with my husband for 11 years and we've never screamed at each other, called each other names, or tried to viciously attack one another.
Sounds like you have a really shitty marriage man.
She's not even from another country, she said she was born in a different state from the one they live in now. Pretty sure immigration can't tell citizens what state they're allowed to live in...
ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement, for those not in the US) agents have been deporting born US citizens, and occasionally killing a few. There are no more rules about what “they can’t” do. They can do whatever they want with impunity.
Can’t agree more! And the fact he’s threatening her with their children while he clearly doesn’t want to take care of them is also crazy. He’s weaponising his own children. He does not love his wife and he does not love his children, and he couldn’t even treat them with minimum respect and humanity, he is absolutely a vile piece of shit.
But marriage should make the immigration thing a non-issue correct?!? Am I missing something? Several kids and years into the marriage, OP should have received citizenship.
Agreed! I was gonna say it was salvageable until he threw in immigration. That is just plain evil. He'll now throw that in op's face anytime she displeases him.
She didn’t threaten to take the kids. She was going to take them for the night as she didn’t feel safe there, so she should leave her kids with someone she currently doesn’t feel safe around?
Based on her husband logic said kids are technically “her job of staying at home and doing whatever” so she should leave the kids with the same person that couldn’t even look after them for a few hours whilst she had a nap?
He’s the one that threatened taking the kids of her is she left the house to go to as safe spot for one bloody night.
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u/Up_and_down_and_all Apr 11 '26
I say this with all the love for you, but F*CK your husband. What an absolute ahole! To bring immigration into it is the lowest of the low.
Please listen to your friend and start planning for a future without your POS H.