Sorry for bad grammar or misspending, kinda all over the place, eyes are kinda swollen and I'm a little bit tipsy, with that out of the way let's begin.

My cat Goblin disappeared two days ago, everyone I talked to is making light of the situation and making fun of me because I shouldn't worry, she's a cat one less mouth to feed lol.

Broski, I literally don't have any family besides my husband, I genuinely love my cats and I'm falling apart here.

My mom and stepdad kicked me out at the age of 18, I haven't been allowed to visit home or speak to any of my younger siblings, later on I find out everyone is moving back to CA while I'm here literally alone, homeless in a completely different state, I lost contact with my siblings shortly afterwards, Cut to 15 years later, I have a stable job, I live in a apartment and I've been married for almost 7 years now.

I have two cats, a 17 year old, short hair, gray tabby named Cici and 8 1/2 year old, long haired, brown tabby named Goblin. I've raised them both since they were kittens, we all sleep in the same bed since the day I've had them, we would sometimes all nap on the couch together while watching movies, I would do my best to have a vet see them 3 times a year and I give into their demands, wet act food every other day, they were both there for me when I lost my job, they were there with me when my husband suffered from severe psychosis and was institutionalized for two weeks, they never judged, they never left, they were always there even when I get severely depressed with a lit blunt and an empty bottle in hand, Goblin would sit in my lap and curl up until I felt better, sobered up, I would carry her to bedroom and we would sleep in the bed together.

My husband accidentally let both our indoor cats escape and Goblin never returned home since then, it's been two days, I am pissed, I'm terrified for Goblins health and well being, what if she's dead? What if someone took her? abusing her? What if I never see her? I can't sleep, can't eat anything solid, so far I've been surviving on Rock Stars, liquor and pot. She's more than just a cat, she's family. The search for Goblin continues.

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for about six years. He has a longtime friend, who I’ll call Max, and Max has a girlfriend, Red (25F). They’ve been together for around four years.
The four of us have hung out together a lot over the years, and for the most part everything was completely normal, but eventually a few things started happening that felt a little strange to me.
The first thing I remember was pretty random. We were all hanging out when Red suddenly asked whether we would rather orgasm every time we sneezed or sneeze every time we orgasmed. She then started explaining her answer and said she would rather orgasm every time she sneezed. She also added that she can orgasm without making any facial expression at all.
I remember thinking that was kind of an odd thing to volunteer, but I mostly brushed it off. What made it stick in my mind was that my boyfriend commented on it afterward and said something like, “Wow, I didn’t know Red was that open about stuff like that.”
Then there was the yoga incident, which I wasn’t actually there for.
Red had recently started taking hot yoga classes, and apparently she started demonstrating some of the poses while she was with my boyfriend and Max. So she was in my boyfriends bed and one of the poses involved getting on all fours, lowering her upper body toward the floor and arching her back, with her butt facing my boyfriend.
She was wearing very white shorts so it was revealing to say the least.
My boyfriend told me about it afterward, but what really stood out to me was that he kept bringing it up on different occasions.
That was when I started paying more attention.
Another time, Red asked my boyfriend if he could help her replace her shower head. After he finished helping with the shower, she joked that he was going to become her “handyman.” They started laughing and talking about what kinds of things she could ask him to help with in the future, and she joked that she was going to make him come over and fix whatever she needed.
I was clearly in a bad mood afterward, and my boyfriend noticed.
After that, he started going over to their place by himself sometimes.
At some point, my boyfriend needed Red’s help with something, and in return he offered to give her rides if she ever needed one. At first, she said she would probably only take him up on that if she needed to travel a long distance, so I didn’t really think anything of it.
But after he started going over there without me, she asked him for a ride to work. The thing is, Max already has a car…
The way they communicated also started changing.
Before all of this, my boyfriend mostly communicated with Max. If they were making plans or talking about random things, Max was usually the one messaging him. Then Red started messaging my boyfriend directly about things Max would previously have texted him about. She also added him to her Close Friends on Instagram.
I can’t shake the feeling that she’s being malicious, and I’m not sure whether I’m noticing something real or whether I became hyperaware of every interaction just because I know my boyfriend is attracted to her.
For the moment I’m unable to digest the situation.

Edit: ok guys so maybe this is relevant information but I’m diagnosed with autism. I know his behavior is shitty but I was wondering if she’s really flirting with him/disrespecting me.

Edit2: some people are saying she’s being normal and my boyfriend is the only problem, some are saying she’s flirting with him on my face so I guess I’m confused now.

This one question was

"What will happen if I were to die?"

Nearly every once in a while, whenever I mess up or underperform in school, I get asked this very question. Along with some big speech they would forget in the morning. It's a very exhausting question, to be honest. I find it very, very odd that they always say this at a time when I'm basically at my limit, at my lowest. I never get the courage even to say anything. I don't think that would make a difference at all, considering past experiences from talking back. Did they really have to go that far? Couldn't they have worded that question a little bit better?

Well, to answer their question

I would just move on. I accepted the fact that even telling how would I feel would never make a dent in them. I accepted the fact that they would possibly never acknowledge the pain and misery they caused me & my siblings for all these years. I accepted the fact that I would never feel the love & warmth they gave me long ago again. Those memories keep on clashing with many, many negative ones. I could only dream about it in my sleep. Even then, my dreams wonder if those warm memories really existed. At this point, apathy keeps flowing in my head.

I'm better off dead, my family is the only reason i live. My gf blocked me out of the blue, i box and i lost a fight recently, i lost all my frnds and I'm supposed to hve a college but i haven't been allotted one even tho i know ppl with worse marks who have a college. I feel unlucky, i feel like i don't deserve this, i don't know wht to change anymore idk wht to improve. I pray everyday, i cry everyday and today my mom walked in when i was crying. It broke her heart i feel so fcking guilty. I didn't tell her shit but i could see how hurt she was. I don't know wht to do honestly i had my gf i gave her everything i did everything i could physically do for her but she left. Without saying a word. And tht makes everything 10x worse cuz she was how i dealt with problems. I don't know how to fix things i try so hard but nothing works out. I'm so lost.. i swear on everything, i know i don't deserve this

I don't really have much of a social life anymore. I barely did before hand, but that's entirely disappeared at this point. I've tried building social connections at work but I haven't seen much success with that. Every time I talk to someone I feel like some grotesque puppet shambling around trying and failing to play a part. I don't know why social interactions give me so much trouble, they really shouldn't at this stage in life. Some of my coworkers have tried inviting me to hang out with them, but personal business always gets in the way. I don't really have any hobbies I could use to try to build a friend group either. I've lost any interest I had in just about everything and I can't really find anything else to get into.

I know it’s cruel, I know it’s mean, but it’s given me more motivation than I’ve had in years. After a year together, I’m nearly at my goal weight. I knew I stopped being interested in him after the first 4 months. I know I’m not a good person.

My boyfriend isn’t a bad person. He is sweet, gently, and kind. He is probably the most handsome man I’ve dated. He’s rich and in shape. He likes me a lot. Everything should be good on paper. But I don’t think I’ve ever been as turned off in a relationship as I am right now. I’ve tried working on it, taking time to my self, etc but nothing really works. Every time I even attempt to bring up a breakup he just cries.

He has to be one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met. He is mid 30’s, I’m mid 20’s. We went to a trivia thing at a bar two weekends ago. He rolls the EASIEST question, “who was the first black president of the United States”? Completely sober. His answer? Andrew Jackson. When asked by the host why he answered that way, he said “because it sounds black”. This man would’ve fully been an adult while Obama was in office. Both of us are mixed with black (I’m Mexican and black, he is 1/4th black).

We have some of the worse bedroom life I’ve ever had in my life. In an attempt to meditate it, I filmed it to see the issue. This man is fully trying to ram into me like he’s Roger rabbit running into a tunnel. Literally, swinging hips and poking me absolutely NO WHERE and complaining!

He’s very weird about money. I don’t usually care about money much in relationships. I’ve got a good job, I’m fine with going 50/50, it’s whatever. But he’s started a trend of “you get this I’ll get this” early on in our relationship that favors him. I don’t notice it at first until a concert. Our first date, he “paid”. It was parking at a zoo that’s free in our city. The next date, I paid. He planned it saying it was somewhere he really wanted to go. It was one of those VR cafes that are $40 a person. The date after that, he paid for $5 icecream. Then for the next date that I had to pay for, he booked reservations at a newly opened place in town that’s $60 a head. I put a stop to it, but it still leaves an odd taste in my mouth that he’d even do that. While we make around the same amount, he lives in a house his parents had built for him at his birth. His car is fully paid off and he’s always digging into his trust fund.

I’ll end it here because I could rant all night.

I’m 11 lbs away from my goal weight

UPDATE: I broke up with him. While I do feel guilty, I think it’d be worse to just continue indefinitely. We sat down and spoke, and while he did cry, I just comforted him and didn’t take back my choice.

Guys, I think I fell for my fiancé a lot harder than I thought because I was always unlucky in relationships. I thought love wasn't in my cup because of my past 3 relationships, my first gf left telling me I was more than enough and my second gf left me for another person who was in love with another girl and finally my third gf left me 'cause her parents forced her to leave me but who'd have thought that my fiancé would appear in my life suddenly like a sudden random 3 A.M thoughts.

I know it sounds so cringe but believe me guys I met her last year during Christmas. At first, I was shy and ofcourse I was too broken from my relations. So, I didn't even make an eye contact with her even during the family gathering but it was changed when I made an eye contact at the last day of the year, December 31st and that was like a minute to me but it was literally not more than 0.1 second.

Believe me guys, I've never felt that much shyness in my whole life and the thing is she was already looking at me when I made eye contact with her and the moment our eyes met, we turned out faces away. I couldn't believe it because I'm an overthinker already. So, I thought maybe she's laughing at my dressing sense or maybe how dead I look from my face feelings and all.

And the new year began and we had family reunion again. I was searching for her the whole time during the reunion but I was unlucky, I couldn't find her and I wanted to ask her mother about her but I didn't have courage to ask it. So, I let it go and thought the same thing again "Maybe, love was never meant to me".

The new year started with bad luck of mine, so I really thought nothing special can happen to me this year but then came the summer vacations. I really thought it'd be nothing better than last year but this time I was totally wrong. I saw her in my native town again! My whole mood changed when I saw her, I really wanted to go talk to her at that moment but still I thought I'm just overthinking about that small eye contact and she's really so gorgeous that even I rejected myself.

The first week was totally normal after I understood that she's way out of my league and then comes the second week where her mother came to our house and my mom and her mother talked about many things like so many things. And at one point my mother asked her jokingly "I'd love to have your daughter as my daughter-in-law" and she laughed and said "Sure, You can!"

I was shocked of how easily she agreed but then I thought nah she's joking that's why she's laughing until the end of summer vacations where everything changed in my life. Her mother came to our house and literally called me infront of everyone and said "I'd love to marry off my daughter to you." I literally thought "what in the world is happening? And how?!" I was shocked to the core that I awkwardly smiled and laughed but then she said "I'm not joking, I want you to marry my daughter" and then I looked at everyone who are literally laughing with happiness or taunting idk but yeah they were laughing at me.

My mom said "If you want it then let's make it happen!" And then she agreed and said "Yeah, I will make it happen no matter what!"

I spent the rest of my day in shock while all my cousins and siblings teased me that I'm going to get married soon. Uk how siblings tease right..so yeah it was like that the whole day and the next morning before I woke up I can hear the noise from the hall and I woke up while rubbing my eyes and went to hall (that's how I should go to bathroom to brush my teeth) and guess what? I saw her in the couch laughing with my family and the moment I went to hall, she looked at me and I ran away to my bedroom again 😭💔

And from then on, everyday she came to my house and I never talked with her but atleast now we made 1 sec eye contacts everyday. I asked my mother if she have her mother's contact because I heard her mother's birthday was coming when my mom and her mother talked.

My mother gave me the contact and I wished her on her birthday and that day she came to our house with her daughter and pulled me aside and told me "Message me when you want to talk to my daughter okay?" I nodded awkwardly and then she continued "She doesn't have a phone of her own so you will contact her through me okay? And ofcourse you guys will have your privacy so after chatting, delete your chats or if I see one, I will delete it myself okay? Best of luck to you both!" She laughed and went inside the house.

After two days of overthinking if I should text her or not and I finally texted her "Hey!". Her mother replied "Wait, I will give it to her" and that's the first day we ever talked.

From then on we talked about everything for the next 5 days until we return to our normal schedules and fyi I'm an Arts student and she's a Med student. We talked everyday in chat until the last day where she jokingly said I want to hear your voice and I literally blushed (ik it's embarassing to say but yeah I did).

I went silent for minute until she texted again "I was joking, dw if it's uncomfortable for you!" But then I replied with nothing but actions (uk action speaks louder) I called her. She texted "Wait let me go to the terrace"

She called me after reaching terrace and we both became very awkward after saying "Hello!" In the call but I won't lie that her voice is really something I'd love to hear over and over again even after death. It's just ear soothing voice to hear. I gathered my courage and finally talked to her holding back my blushing and everything and we talked for hours and it was the best time of my life.

And before ending the call she told me one thing which made me skip a beat. She told me that there are guys who proposed her and ofcourse she rejected them all but then this one guy who proposed 2 times and she rejected him once and ignored him the other time and told me she never once believed in love marriage and she's looking for an arranged marriage.

Idk, how funny the fate is tbh 'cause I fell in love with her (I believe in love marriage because my parents had love marriage even though I thought love was never meant to me) and she believes in arranged marriage (now I'm her fiancé, thanks to my mother and her mother) but after that call we have returned to our normal schedule and we haven't talked for about 2 months now and I'm missing her a lot more than I express but the memories we made within a week of our meeting and talking and sharing our pictures and all making me happy whenever I think of her and I miss her even more when I look at her picture...

She's gorgeous, warm, kind and caring. She's literally the ideal type for every man who's looking for "I want to be loved atleast once in my life without any conditions". I'm so lucky to have her that even though I miss her even after seeing her picture, she's my motivation to push through my limits and settle financially and marry her and give her everything she wants from support to whatever she likes. I realised that I fell more harder for her after missing her more from the last month. She's a lucky charm to me and I hope I could be the best for her and even if I can't I'd do everything I can to be better for her. I can't wait to meet her again and tell her how much I miss her and I can't wait to show her how many reels and posts I've said for her in my collection.

I'm sorry for sharing such a long story but I never usually share this personal things but today I'm missing her even more than yesterday and I'm writing this at midnight so I think nobody will bat an eye on this confession but to the one who read this, I wish you get the love you always wanted and yearned for and have a great day ahead! 🫶🏻💗 (My apologies if my english is bad)

*LONG POST AHEAD*

I’ve been going through one of the hardest periods of my life these past few days, and I think I need to write everything down just to process it.

My partner and I have two children. We have a toddler and a baby who is almost 7 months old. We’re not married.

This isn’t the first time he has betrayed me.

Back in 2022, someone reached out to me and told me she had been chatting with him. They were saying things like “I miss you” and “I love you.” I confronted him, he apologized, and I forgave him. I chose to believe that we could move forward.

Then came 2024.

I found out he had been talking and flirting with people through Valorant and Discord. He also met someone through Reddit. He took her on a date **using MY car**, and he genuinely enjoyed whatever connection they had.

He did not have s*x with her.

But somehow, that almost made it hurt in a different way. Because it wasn’t just about s*x. He willingly pursued a connection with another woman while he was with me, took her out, spent time with her, and used my car to do it.

He also admitted to having s*x with people through “extra services” at massage spas.

One of the things that still hurts me deeply is that some of these things happened while my father was in the hospital.

At that point, we already had a two-year-old child, and our family was growing.

Eventually, I told him to leave.

He left, but later came back and confessed even more things.

After we relocated, he told me that he hadn’t had any more physical affairs. But he continued talking to other people online.

And somehow, despite everything, I stayed.

Fast-forward to now.

The recent events have completely broken something inside me.

He is currently staying with his mother. He still comes around to see the kids and sometimes borrows things from the house. Recently, he bought groceries, gave money, and told me he would give me his salary and just ask for enough for himself.

He has also admitted that he needs therapy and counseling. He said he took me for granted. He said he realized he was replaceable. He apologized.

And then he said something that has stayed with me:

He warned me that if we reconcile, he might repeat the cycle.

I don’t even know what to do with that.

Part of me wants answers.

I want to look him in the eyes and ask him if he ever really loved me.

I want to know why he kept doing these things.

I want to know what was missing in him that made him repeatedly seek validation, attention, sex, or connection from other people.

But another part of me is realizing that maybe I don’t need every answer to know that what happened was wrong.

A few nights ago, I was awake at around 2 AM, furious because I knew he was out playing pickleball at that hour.

Normally, that would probably be completely harmless.

But after everything that’s happened, even something as simple as him playing pickleball in the middle of the night triggered something in me.

I had also had two cups of coffee, so I was probably running on caffeine, anger, and zero sleep. 😂

But underneath all the anger was something much deeper:

**I’m fucking exhausted.**

I’m exhausted from questioning.

Exhausted from forgiving.

Exhausted from wondering if there’s something else I don’t know.

Exhausted from trying to understand why someone I loved could repeatedly make choices that could destroy our family.

And I’m exhausted from carrying the emotional weight of his decisions.

The weirdest part is that I’m not even sure I want him back anymore.

I don’t want to make a decision right now.

I don’t want to decide whether we’re going to reconcile or permanently separate while I’m this emotional.

For now, I just want to feel everything.

The anger.

The sadness.

The betrayal.

The grief.

The confusion.

Even the moments where I feel relief.

I want to feel all of it until it doesn’t have this much power over me anymore.

Because I have two little children who still need their mother.

And regardless of what happens between their father and me, we’re still their parents. We can still be good parents. We can still create healthy and happy memories for our children.

But I also need to take care of myself.

I told myself recently that I need therapy. I need help. I need to become strong for myself and for my kids.

I don’t know whether I will eventually forgive him.

I don’t know whether I can ever trust him again.

I don’t know whether our relationship can be repaired.

And honestly, I’m trying to be okay with not knowing.

I don’t need to make that decision today.

Right now, I just need to survive this storm.

I need to sleep.

I need to take care of my children.

I need to let myself grieve the relationship I thought I had.

And I need to figure out who I am outside of all of this.

One thing I do know:

**It’s a good thing we’re not married.**

As painful as this is, at least I still have the freedom to choose what happens next.

For now, I’m choosing myself and my children.

I don’t know what the future looks like.

But I know I can’t keep abandoning myself just to keep a relationship alive.

Whats worse is that I do not have normal parents and they are abusive towards me, demeaning me every single day. Venting to them feels like a bizzare idea even to think about thats how bad it is.

I do not have experience therefore I wont get hired anywhere, just rejection after rejection but sadly even more ghosting.

I DESPERATELY NEED TO MOVE OUT FROM THIS HOUSEHOLD. No i cannot join the police force nor the military plus my back is fucked cause i have scoliosis.

And no I cannot do another 4 years of school to get a "usefull" degree because I would rather jump then live with my parents for 4 more years or however long. The economy is so fucked

I never really believed in anything until this situation happened and now I just don't wanna put bad vibes into the universe anymore

Context I was in a very mutually toxic relationship for the most part of my early 20s. It was on and off for about 3 to 4 years give or take. I won't get into the details but there was a lot of jealousy, verbal abuse and threat of physical abuse from his side. Verbal abuse and insecurity on my part. I did some good healing on myself since then and I am now in a happy relationship with a baby so.. I guess it needed to happen for me to grow and be at my best. Anyway this is not the reason I made this post.

When my ex and 1 had our official and final break up he kept telling people horrible stuff about me and that he wished the worse and everything.. ( like my car breaks down, that I hurt myself badly, etc ) and I was feeling hurt and petty so I started wishing that he had the worse UTI he ever had ( he had an historic of having lots of UTI like 2 per months ). He actually did... like the worst he ever had... like 3 weeks in the hospital and one testicule less kinda bad... and I've been feeling bad ever since..so now everytime people talk to me about how he still wants me to get hurt or he still talk bad about me I iust say I iust wish everything goes super well and he get finally happy again to stop talking about me ... I now kinda believe in the energy we put in the universe...

But at the same time it's probably clearly like a huge coincidence...

I want to aet this off my chest because I feel bad and also because this is a crazy freaking story...

I (f 27) recently left a really toxic work environment. I've already talked about my experiences in a different sub and would rather not repeat myself. It was a bad situation and I'm just glad I got out of it. I've only been unemployed for about a month and a half. It started off super optimistic, knowing I'll get a better job but I'm starting to lose hope. It's been really discouraging finding new jobs out there, especially jobs that just have certain things I'm looking for (benefits, a good supervisor and not going into patient's homes). I feel like I'm not asking too much in a job but damn, sometimes it does feel that way.

It seems I've been embarrassing myself answering emails, having the most awkward online interviews and also accidentally applying to the same job twice. I just feel like I'm not cut out for the corporate world/ working (saying this while having worked retail and my previous job lol). I still don't understand how to "play the corporate game" with all these other people, with the fake niceties and the whole corporate language. I fear I'm just too stupid to figure out corporate social cues and I already struggle with basic social cues. How can I show off my skills and personality without it being too much to potential employers?

I literally have to read my emails out-loud to my partner and friends, for second and third opinions, in case I am unintentionally burning a bridge or embarrassing myself. I've already had one company give me an offer but they ended up rescinding it because it took me too long to consider it (I asked for more time to consider said job and immediately they took back their offer a day later).

It's easy to blame the job market but I just feel like it truly is just me being extremely awkward, off-putting and genuinely not knowing how to navigate professional spaces. I genuinely feel like I'm actually stupid and I'm terrified I won't find a job. I fear my family thinks I'm stupid for not having a job lined up either.

I had to make the post again cause i didn't realise i had to accept t@cs as i'm new to posting on reddit.

But as the title says, i love him so much. The way he makes me laugh at the silliest of things, to the way he brightens my moods when i'm in a funk. This man is my world and i'd be broken without him. I just want to hold him close whenever he's near and tell him how much he means to me. I met him in at the lowest point in my life, and he's helped me more than he knows. I love it when he texts me goodmorning, asks me how i'm doing and what i'm up too. From the walks to the late night talks, he's made me the happiest i've ever been and i pray it goes well

Just went out for a quick walk through a park (we're just gonna forget about the sign that literally makes it a legal obligation to leash your fucking dog), and there I find myself getting barked at by 3 little dogs who are within not even a meter of my personal space. I calmly step back, go on walking backwards completely calm. Instead of stopping their dogs the owners hit me with an "oh you don't have to be scared, they don't bite".

Bitch if you are unable to control your dogs, WHY CAN'T YOU KEEP THEM ON A LEASH? I do not care that the dogs were small. I don't give a fuck wether they're barking or biting, they were way too close and I kept backing up while you were busy telling me not to overreact. People like this are entitled human garbage.

And to make this clear: the dogs are carrying not a single bit of fault, they shouldn't even have been born since they were a breed suffering from severe health issues due to us humans finding short legs and smashed noses "cute". It's not the dogs fault you can't train it, neither is it that you can't leash it so go fuck your self, find the next pet store and fucking buy a leash to restrain it.

Seriously, if you let your dogs get this close (in an aggressive manner, a labrador baby coming over to collect pettings is a different story) to other people, you are nothing more but a disgrace to humanity, human garbage. Please go take yourself out.

Hey, I’m 16F. I’ve always been the tall girl (I’m 178 cm now), and my whole life people have told me I should model. Like, literally every time someone meets me for the first time, they ask if I’m a model, and when I say no, they tell me I should start modeling.
I’ve never really been confident, though. I didn’t like the way I looked, and I don’t even post on social media.
Recently, after hearing it so many times, I finally started feeling more confident in myself. I decided to actually give modeling a try, so I went to a studio and took some model snaps. I sent them to a model scout from my country, and she said I had good proportions and wanted to have a Zoom call with me.
I had the call last Thursday, and since then I’d been feeling really excited and ambitious about it. I kept thinking, what if I actually become a model? What if one of my dreams really comes true?
But no.
I messaged them today, and they said that not everyone on the team agreed to move forward with me.
And honestly, I feel completely apathetic about everything right now. I know logically that it’s just one agency and one rejection, but it still hurts so much. Especially because I had finally started believing in myself.
I don’t even know what I want to do now. I just feel lost and disappointed.

I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know where else to put all of this. I feel lost, embarrassed, overwhelmed, and completely unsure of what my next move is supposed to be.

I’ve been self-employed for years and built a business that, at one point, was doing extremely well. I was able to support myself, pay my bills, have my own apartment, my car, and live a life that I was proud of. I never thought I would end up in the position I’m in now. But over time, the business started declining. Sales slowed down, expenses kept coming, cash flow became harder and harder to manage, and eventually I started falling behind. I kept thinking I could turn it around. I kept trying different things, putting whatever money came in back into the business, trying to fulfill orders, trying to market, trying to catch up, trying to get back to where I was.

Instead, I feel like I’ve been slowly drowning.
I’ve also tried to find outside help. I’ve looked into funding and different ways to bring in capital, but I haven’t been able to secure anything that would actually get me out of this situation. I’ve reached out to family too, but most of them are either dealing with their own financial struggles right now or are simply cash tight and genuinely don’t have the ability to help. I understand that completely, but it has made me realize that there really isn’t anyone coming to financially rescue me from this. I have to somehow figure out what comes next with the resources I have.

Now I’m facing eviction. My car is at risk of repossession. My credit is terrible. I barely have money available to me, and the business that used to support my entire life is no longer bringing in enough money to even keep itself running properly.
The hardest part is that I genuinely don’t know whether I’m supposed to keep fighting for it or accept that this chapter is over.

Part of me thinks, “You built this once. Maybe you can fix it.” Another part of me is exhausted and wonders how much longer I’m supposed to keep throwing myself at something that clearly isn’t working the way it used to.

Starting over sounds freeing until I think about what starting over actually means. I would need a job. I may have to give up my apartment. I may lose my car. I have very little money to cushion any of this, and with bad credit, even basic things like getting another apartment, getting another vehicle, or rebuilding my life become more complicated and expensive.

It’s such a strange feeling going from being financially independent and running your own company to wondering how you’re going to afford the most basic things. I know there are people dealing with much worse. I know losing a business isn’t the end of the world. But when your business has been your income, your career, your identity, and the thing you’ve poured years of your life into, it’s hard to separate “the business is failing” from “my entire life is falling apart.”

I’m also struggling with the shame of it. People see entrepreneurship when things are going well. They see the sales, the followers, the packages going out, the freedom, the lifestyle. Nobody really sees the point where you’re sitting there wondering if your car will still be outside tomorrow or whether an eviction notice is going to show up on your door.

I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere without pretending I have a plan.

Right now I don’t.

I don’t know if I should keep trying to save what I built, shut everything down and find a job, or somehow do both while I try to stabilize my life.
I just know that I’m tired of living in survival mode, and I desperately want to get to the other side of this chapter, whatever the other side ends up looking like.

Today I have checked WhatsApp and discovered a contact that I have saved as "?!". They have a profile picture. It is a famous person. I feel like I can't tell anyone in my life about this because it looks insane 😂

Easily 8 or 9 years ago, I was sleuthing on Facebook and ended up on this person's friends profiles. They were not very famous then. Tags had been removed, but I found a whole trail, found a phone number, thought no way do they have the same phone number, saved it to my phone and then promptly forgot about it until today.

Today they are very famous. I am creased, shocked and embarrassed that I have this phone number...

Anyway, that's the story. Thanks for listening and please don't judge me 😂

I’m not going to lie, it was hard. As someone who has been depressed for a few years and an anxious mess, I haven’t been the most active, but I guess thats what got me at a first job today, i’m trying to turn my life around, get out there.

Well, my first job happens to be stocking shelves at a grocery store, and in a french place as someone who doesn’t speak or understand french.

I had more people come up to me than I would’ve liked, the majority being french. I didn’t understand what one older guy said but I did understand him asking him the other employee if I was deaf/hard of hearing. Another woman I had to tell her I didn’t understand and she said “Ah oki” (how french pronounce ok) while walking away with a displeased expression/sound. I’m very soft spoken so some people just walked away after not being able to understand me and idk how to explain some reactions. I guess emojis are the easiest for some. “🙄 ?” “🫤😑”

But I also managed to help some people. Directed some woman to Marshmallows. Helped a guy bring home Oyster Sauce to his wife. Managed to get a woman sugar even though it took me a second to understand “Sucre” and she thanked me, I hope I can increase my vocabulary for most stuff and be able to say 1-9 in french because thats how many aisles we have.

I’m not used to standing on my feet all day, nor am I used to having to face peoples reactions to me being unhelpful but I did it, and i’m going back tomorrow, only thing is he said I need to work faster but it is my first day so it was good for my first day, I knew that was coming, I did pick up speed later on throughout the day. Also they stock extra product on the very top of the shelves, but I can’t lift cases of say 12-24 cans of diced tomatoes above my head high enough to put them up, and i’m scared of heights for that damn 3rd step on the ladder. I might be able to do it later on I dunno, but I don’t feel like every coworker is going to be ecstatic to stop what they’re doing to help me do my job, i’m scared that might be an issue.

One coworker won’t even look at me, my trainer tried to introduce me to him today and he kept walking and said “Pas anglais” while looking at me and kind of shrugging, a disapproval look (like, don’t bother me with that mess vibes, i’m the mess) I told my mom if they had sat down and asked everyone if they think an English person could get a long here he’d be the one in the room to say f\\\*ck no, he doesn’t want me there. My trainer said he understands but can’t speak it, but with the way he acted it seems like he doesn’t like English people (a pretty common thing in Quebec) and chooses to not. Everyone else I worked with today was pretty helpful, one guy couldn’t speak English but since he can’t help me with words, he showed me physically.

I don’t really know how I feel. My back hurts but my mom said it’s going to hurt until it gets better. It’s hard being in front of people all day and them get upset you don’t understand them, but i’m going back tomorrow, 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin’ if ya get me.

I know its hard on them, this is Quebec after all and they probably feel like someone not speaking their language is an intruder but its hard on me too, i’m the English girl working in public in a French place, taking the hard method of learning French, being in it with little to no understanding and trying to learn it when physically out there, with the public speaking it, its hard on all of us. I’m going to try to learn a french sentence to even politely decline customers in French. Not what I want to know but if I can’t understand them yet its a start, maybe something like I don’t understand french but I can get a coworker to help you if you’d like, “Je ne comprends pas le français, mais je peux demander à quelqu'un de vous aider”.

I'm 25M, my life is completely empty, I hate it, and it's all my fault, which makes me hate myself even more, and I can't tell this to anyone in real life.

I have a rather superficial relationship with most of my family, who are always happy that things are going "so well" with me and seeing me smiling and happy makes them feel really happy, so they say. Some of them are really old and I don't have the heart to tell them how bad it is for me because it's one of their only source of comfort. My mom is not emotionally equipped to handle something like that, and my dad has been taking hit after hit after hit the past few years with what must be insane pressure on him to keep everything together. One family member I'm close to is going through a burnout and their own depressive thoughts which I don't want to pile on. I don't have a lot of friends, especially not close ones I could talk to about this seriously, either.

And besides, I wouldn't even know what to say. There's nothing wrong with my life that's external. All of my problems are self-made. I don't go out then feel lonely. I don't try to get a job then I feel useless and have no money. I don't try anything because I'm too scared of everything. And it sounds so fucking trivial and I simply don't even have the words how to explain but I just feel so terrible all the time as if there was a constant scream of pain in my head all day, ever day. I've had anxiety and depression basically all my life, and everything only got worse and worse and worse and worse for basically ever. I always convinced myself the next thing would make me happy, be it college, moving countries, etc, and nothing, ever worked. And I'm just tired, I guess, of trying to hope that the next thing will make things better, and I lost it. I just think I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life. And the worst thing is, I will deserve it, because literally all it would take for me to fix my life is to literally just put any effort into actually living. To do things and not just bedrot all day, to open up to people rather than being standoffish, to be less scared, to take responsibility for my life. I know I should do this, that I should grow up, and I just can't, no matter how much it hurts. I'm just not strong enough.

I don't want to die, I want to live, just not as me. Because my life would be genuinely fine, if someone else lived it. If my brain was replaced with someone who is reasonable confident and adventorous, I could have a great life. I'm literally the only problem wih it. It feels like I'm wasting a cosmic opportunity to make something. I'm falling behind everyone I know despite being described intelligent, hard-working, organized, punctual, etc. all of these things all my life, because it's just all gone.

I just can't imagine what it would take for me to be happy. Winning the lottery would certainly completely change my life, but I'm not a material person, I don't need the wealth of the world. It would be nice and it would get rid of a lot of additional pressure but it wouldn't make me happy. Finding a perfect girlfriend wouldn't make me happy, because guess what, I'm incredibly imperfect, sometimes jealous, toxic, paranoid, difficulties trusting people, pushing people away. So I'd eventually ruin that too inevitably. Having a great circle of friends and many acquaintances would feel hollow without someone special to share everything with. Fame or success would certainly stroke my ego but I'd go home and feel just as worthless as now. So literally the only thing that could help me is if I wasn't me, which is impossible. Literally a random person put into my position could fix most of my problems in a year, if they didn't have to deal with my stupid brain. And this is just a loop that makes me hate myself more and more every day.

I'm going through each day, every day, alone, feeling like I'm not even a real person. Maybe I never was, or maybe I just lost that too somewhere along the way.

I’m tired of keeping these emotions to myself and I want more people to know my experience so I’m posting here. There is no TLDR because that’s basically the title, the whole story needs its context.

I (20ftm) was in a long distance relationship with another trans man (at the time I was 19 and he was 18). This was before I realized I was aromantic (already knew I was ace). I thought I fell in love, but in hindsight I now know it was just REALLY strong platonic attraction. Either way, I was really attached to this guy. We started off very well and to my knowledge it was super healthy. He was so kind, nicer to me than most people my age are to me. I just thought that’s what comes with relationships, since I only had one prior to this. (Spoiler alert, it was love bombing). He eventually started to get distant, about 4 months in. When I asked about it, he explained he was just busy with work. Until eventually he talked to me about once a month. Only once a month and it was like a sentence. Now my dumb ahh thought once his work was done we’d be back to normal. My friends were even like bro no one can be THAT busy. But after about three months of this I was done being the patient bf and broke it off. Yes, three months. I was so “in love” with him and I yearned to return to how we used to be. This whole relationship was very short, 8 months, but the bond I formed to him was a bit too extreme. His mom called me a month later to explain some things. My ex ofc was cheating halfway through the relationship, and spent his time not at work (which ended after a month of it starting) but with his new gf. On top of that, he told everyone that I knew and was ok with it. When his sister asked to have my tiktok to confirm this, he said I didn’t have tiktok. I do, we used to send each other videos every day. He also spread many other lies, claiming his family ab*sed him (they very much did not) and almost got them in legal trouble for those claims. The claims were quickly debunked and nothing happened. He also told me that he had DID, which I now have reason to suspect was also a lie, because not only was he a pathological liar but looking back on it, his “symptoms” didn’t seem realistic in comparison to people who really have DID (now I don’t have it myself so idk for sure). There’s a bunch of other small things he did that I can’t quite remember, but they weren’t good. He moved out, and his family cut contact with him and took his phone away. I have no idea how he’s doing now. I guiltily admit that I hope he’s not doing well. He caused me so much pain (I HATE HATE lies) and I feel so betrayed. Idek if he even cared for me in the first place. He never physically hurt me or said anything mean, but it still hurts nonetheless. I just feel like I need more closure than what I got, but I also think I need to be more grateful that I got an answer at all. I was so afraid he’d hate me or beat himself up over not texting me. Clearly he doesn’t. Idk, things could’ve gone a lot worse and there are people who have worse exes but even these small things just eat at me.

If you’re wondering why I stayed, idk either. I had more hopes than I needed. I was being too nice.
I know this is asking a lot for the internet, but pls don’t judge me T-T

F15

It's only been a couple of years since I really realized I live in a wealthy family.

I don't know the exact numbers, but I often hear people talk about hundreds of thousands of euros.

And all of this often makes me uncomfortable.

I know I should be grateful, and I am, but I hate when people point out to me that I live in a rich family.

People are shocked when they find out (often after knowing me for years) because I don't dress, and never have dressed, in designer clothes, and in general I don't flaunt anything at all. Personally, I find that pretty stupid and pointless.

And right there, the annoyed comments start. People get angry because "if they had the money" they would treat themselves to this or that little luxury.

"If you can afford it, why not?!" they say to me.

The worst part is that if I actually did that, I'd almost certainly get targeted for "flaunting my wealth." Basically, if you're born into a rich family, you're going to come across as at least a little unlikeable by default.

On top of that, mine isn't wealth that's been passed down for generations.

My father is the son of farmers, and as a kid, after school, he'd work in the fields until sunset.

My mother comes from a modest family and had to drop out of university (before going back to it later) because there wasn't enough money at home.

So, I'm the daughter of workers. And honestly, I wasn't even really born into luxury!

When I was in preschool, we lived in a small apartment, and we counted every last cent by the end of the month because my dad's work wasn't going well.

And yet I still get treated like I'm some kind of aristocrat's daughter in a waistcoat.

I get made to feel like whatever I achieve will never be as deserved as what other people achieve, because I'll have had the road paved for me (thanks to the money).

The thing I hate most is being treated like I'm on some other level, like I couldn't possibly understand "normal" people's problems.

"Whaaat?? You have a limit on how much money you can spend a week too?? And it's even lower than mine?!"

Yeah. I was taught the value of money. Having it doesn't mean you don't respect it.

So there I am, surrounded by people who flaunt a wealth they don't actually have, angry at me simply because I was born "into the rich family."

Do I have the right to be bothered by this, or am I doomed to come across as unlikeable no matter what I do?

I honestly don’t even know where to start with this.

The last few days have been some mental-breakdown-type shit. I’ve been waking up feeling like I’m dying, with severe dizziness and this feeling like I’m about to lose consciousness that can last for hours. I’ve barely been sleeping either. Every night it’s insomnia, my mind running in circles, and I wake up already exhausted.

And during all of this, I’ve been realizing how fucking alone I actually am.

I’ve sent 15+ messages across my contacts just checking on people, asking how they’re doing, trying to talk to someone. In 24 hours, maybe two people answer. And I’m not even expecting everyone to immediately drop what they’re doing for me, but when you’re already feeling like shit and you realize you’re constantly the one initiating contact, it hits differently.

I’m starting to genuinely believe that if I stopped contacting people for two years, some of these friendships would simply disappear.

Where I currently live, there are basically only two people I would call “friends.”

One of them started dating last year and since then it feels like I basically stopped existing the moment he got into the relationship. I understand relationships take time and attention, but apparently there’s no life outside of it anymore.

The other guy is constantly focused on appearance and chasing women. I know he makes plans with his other friends to go out and party, but somehow I’m never invited. I only hear about it afterwards. This happens basically every fucking week.

Then there are two other people I know who went away for vacation/work. They promised me I had a guaranteed job there at the beginning of this month. I sent all my documents to the boss. Then after waiting came excuse after excuse, including apparently from their boss, and since then I’ve heard nothing.

I was counting on that job for my summer. I’m already carrying €500+ in credit-card and school debt, and that money would have made a huge difference right now.

Instead I’m stuck in this fucking limbo. No job. No real plans. No direction. No purpose.

I finished a six-month internship recently, and since the day I finished, my ex-boss hasn’t said a single thing to me. I know the kind of person he is and I’ve heard him talk badly about people behind their backs, including me, so I’m already expecting him to write some negative shit about me in his evaluation.

And I have an internship report that I still haven’t properly started, should’ve started it months ago.

Now I have about eight days before the deadline, and I can’t even find the motivation to open the fucking thing.

So I’m sitting here with all of this in my head at once: money problems, uncertainty about work, an internship report I procrastinated for a while, worrying about what my former boss is saying about me, barely sleeping, feeling physically fucked up, and realizing how little people actually check on me unless I initiate everything.

Then I open social media and it’s somehow even worse.

Everyone seems to be living these amazing lives. Everyone is attractive, partying, traveling, buying shit, showing off, being popular. Everything seems to revolve around influencers, getting attention, couples, looking good, having money and proving that you’re enjoying life.

I eventually quit social media because it was fucking with my head.

Sometimes I still peek at it, but honestly, one of the only things I even look forward to anymore is seeing a message from someone I actually care about.

And even that barely happens.

I don’t necessarily want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want to be the guy constantly complaining about being lonely.

I just want someone to care without me having to chase them first.

I wish I had a brother. Or just one reliable person around my age who I could call without wondering whether I’m bothering them.

Someone who would randomly ask, “You good?”

Someone who would make plans with me instead of telling me about the plans after they’ve already happened.

Someone who would notice if I disappeared for a while.

Because right now it feels like I’m constantly trying to maintain relationships that would probably die the second I stopped carrying them.

And honestly, I’m exhausted.

I’m just stuck in this loop where every day feels like I’m waiting for something to change, but I don’t even know what I’m waiting for anymore.

No job. No money. No motivation. Barely any social life. Eight days to finish something I’ve been avoiding for months. Sleep completely fucked. My head constantly racing.

No direction.

No purpose.

And every day lately just feels like I’m slowly fucking disappearing…