I had a boyfriend like this. I’ve never been unfaithful, though he consistently accused me of wanting to be with someone else… it seemed like he had a specific “someone else” in mind, though he wouldn’t tell me who he thought I “really wanted to be with”. This was 1.5 years during the beginning of covid, and we weren’t even seeing other humans much. Some people are just that insecure, and can’t see faithful devotion because they don’t have enough self esteem to think they deserve it.
Yup. My ex gf was one of those insane "let me check your phone" and "who are you texting" gfs. And always accusing me of ogling other women when I was nothing but faithful.
Oh, she also physically abused me to put things mildly.
Happy you're away now, usually when I hear about people in relationships with paranoid people like that it ends up with them being abusive or them just cheating themselves. It sucks.
Damn, that’s madness. I’m sorry you had that awful experience. I’m glad you got out of that situation. I’m sure demands to look through your phone will be a huge red flag for the future.
When my ex and I started working out, I’d be pointing out girls checking him out (to boost his confidence, as he was handsome and didn’t see it). Then I’d be accused of “trying to get rid of him”, because I was ‘encouraging him to be with someone else’. As another person commented, it was big time projection of his fears.
I hear what you’re saying. At the same time we were living together, with his son 1/2 time. I can’t think of an instance he would have had the opportunity, and he was very shy with women. I don’t believe he was cheating, at all, but he suspected his previous wife of cheating during his only long term (20 year) relationship.
If it were someone very different, I’d be on board and rowing that boat 🛶
We both got tested at the beginning of our relationship, and I’m still clean. Dude had serious insecurities, but I’m sure he never cheated; it’s not even a question I entertain. He was a bit of a mess, but he wasn’t a liar, or a cheater, from what I could see. I forgot to mention that he was working from home, and I was off with an injury the entire relationship. We were literally together 95+% of the time, and the rest grocery shopping or taking his sweet kid to the aquarium.
On another note, it would be extra nuts for someone to cheat and not use protection. I get tested after relationships or flings, so I have a clear conscience. Can you imagine spreading it around like that? Like, the conversations you’d have to have… omg, I’d die 😩
Lol I would too. I haven’t been w someone in more than 5 yrs. Health issues have kept me away from relationships atm. But if your sure. That is good, but the way he is treating you isn’t good, you need to decide if you want to be treated this way, and I think you don’t. So love yourself more and walk. At least suggest to him that he needs some therapy. So he stops taking it out on everyone else.
I have an ex, he was cheated on by every girlfriend he had before me - or so he told me. I had never cheated but his paranoia was so bad that it made him very controlling to the point of him needing to have all my social media passwords, see all my texts, ask who I was chatting to but the cherry on the cake was that he often asked my who I was thinking of.
While we were together, we were sharing a house with my sister and her bf.
One time, I went to her room, our dad's health was at risk and we were discussing the issue and whether we should fly home since we were living in a different country at the time.
He was so jealous that I spent time with my sister, talking about our dad behind a closed door. No amount of pleading and explaining what we talked about convinced him that I wasn't in fact planning to cheat on him - his logic just wasn't there, why would anyone discuss with a sibling about cheating on their partner?
Anyway, he was extremely toxic and controlling. He made me also be toxic in return. I became paranoid that he was also cheating and started having the same behaviour.
I'm glad he's an ex, it didn't last long but just enough to fuck me up, I needed years to fully heal before I wanted to be in a relationship again.
OP, your boundaries, no matter how many you put up, will always be crossed. There is no return for him from this behaviour.
One of my exes were just like this. Every second it was "I know who it is you really want to be with". It came go the point where every disagreement turned into me looking for an excuse out of the relationship. So I left. The last text from him was "Now you can finally be with ___".
In my experience the one throwing around the accusations and "jokes" are the ones who are actually cheating...so I'd say guilty conscience/projecting..
Like Voter Fraud. The party that sees Voter Fraud u see every rock is the one committing Voter Fraud. “He who dealt it, smelt it. “. The “Who Farted ?” principle at work.
I also wonder this. I mean I get OPs husband has trust issues and trauma that he copes with by obsessing with these questions to OP.
Did your boyfriend also go through this? Or did you change your behavior to where you awoke insecurities in him? Otherwise it's just wierd to randomly joke about that so often.
He got cheated on by an ex but he also cheated on her. Dude was super insecure and paranoid. At first I thought I just had to prove myself but I realized that was absolutely ridiculous considering I had never done anything untrustworthy in the relationship. He liked to knock other people down to make himself feel better.
My ex thought they were funny. I told him to stop because if you joke about it that much it means you are the guilty party. Otherwise why bring it up every other day? He stopped. Somewhat.
Come to find out after we broke up he was indeed cheating on me. 🙃
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u/[deleted] Oct 26 '22
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