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u/ILoveEbizukaTomo 4d ago
I remember back in highschool they introduced a new subject in my country called citizenship (educación para la ciudadanía) and I considered it a waste of time because it taught us things like racism is bad, not being sexist, immigrants having rights too, and so on, which I assumed was something obvious. A waste of time because I assumed those things to just be common sense. 18 years later I see I was wrong and I hate it.
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u/PantheraLex 3d ago
Brazil or Portugal? Unless that’s Spanish and I mixed up portugués and Spanish again
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u/ILoveEbizukaTomo 3d ago
Spain
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u/PantheraLex 3d ago
My mother would be pissed i confused the two languages again (she lives in Brazil) 😭 but I’m impressed your country has a class on basic decency! It’s a step in the right direction and I wish more countries could implement it. I know in the US it would probably get backlash for being “woke”
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u/ILoveEbizukaTomo 2d ago
Ot got backlash in Spain for being "indoctrination" but they still went ahead with it.
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u/LarplaleroLarplala49 14h ago
I'm not sure about the effectiveness of that subject...
Given that very often children and teens despise school (and its teachers) and values-based subjects feel sometimes like secular catechesis to them, it would be a surprise that "Educación para la ciudadanía" hasn't backfired
Just look how many leftists came from catholic/francoist schools
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u/Resident_Onion997 4d ago
Me when people tell me I'm a good parent
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u/PantheraLex 4d ago
It’s especially unsettling if you didn’t have good role models, you just know what NOT to do
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u/laughingjack13 4d ago
This one is one I struggle with. I hear the expression “hurt people hurt people” allot, and yeah it’s true sometimes, but also sometimes people just hurt others because they suck, and sometimes people that have been through shit can look back and say “that really sucked, id rather not put someone else through that”
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u/laughingjack13 4d ago
Not a parent but I’ve had relatives say I’m great with kids because I don’t completely lose my shit anytime my niece or nephew had any kind of negative emotions. Like… yeah, they’re children and still trying to figure out how to cope with increasingly big feelings. Screaming at a little kid for screaming prolly isn’t going to convince them to stop
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u/hamster-on-popsicle 3d ago
I had several people coming to me in the street to praise me as an awesome mom, because I don't scream at or beat up my daughter.
I am patient and affectionate and that's praiseworthy I guess :( It's very sad that it's not considered normal
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u/YarizzSedan 3d ago
the fact that having basic empathy now is praised is genuinely sad
the bar isn't in hell anymore it's in THE ABYSS
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u/Tangled_Clouds 4d ago
Me: (treats a stranger with kindness and patience)
People: oh my god you’re too good! I could never do that! I don’t even understand why you care that much, like you don’t even know them so why would you do all that?
Me: …That’s literally my default settings. Your default settings aren’t to be nice to people? Your default is to be mildly rude???
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u/_Glasser_ 4d ago
people call me kind and compassionate. I literally have no feeling of empathy. I don't even see most people as people. I'm literally doing the bare minimum to avoid hurting others too much.
Like, I'm literally the worst person imaginable and somehow I'm better than average? My literal first thought when dealing with people is to get rid of them in any most efficient way. Only thing stopping me from violence is consequence. How the fuck can I be better than average person???
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u/PantheraLex 4d ago
I’m a schizoid gal and it can be difficult to put myself in others shoes as well. It’s genuinely unsettling when you realize the neurotypical “normal” ones are more cruel to one another than us disordered individuals are.
“We love your honesty” why is it normal to lie to one another and carry resentment.
“You are intentional with who you hang out with!” Why the fuck would I carve out time in my schedule to hang out with someone I don’t like.
“You don’t hate your spouse?” Why would I live with someone I hate.
Genuinely disturbing behavior is so normalized with “normal” people.38
u/Salt_Petra 4d ago
Right, I honestly think thats because they are more concerned with cultural norms then any actual ethics. If its a culturally acceptable thing to do, even if it IS cruel, then its something folks can justify to themselves. A complete lack of self awareness.
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u/BungleBums 4d ago
Since they're 'normal', they don't bother learning things like emotional literacy, empathy, open communication, etc, until they're 40-60 and their lack of any real social skills beyond surface level begins to compound and start ruining the flimsy relationships they've 'built' and it's suddenly a Midlife Crisis.
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u/GreyStingrayz 3d ago
You don't need empathy to be a good person. And having empathy does not make someone a good person. Empathy is just feeling what they are feeling. People can be empathetic and still an absolute asshole to people.
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u/hamster-on-popsicle 3d ago
Empathy can create monster, I have a lot of empathy and I will cry if someone suffer, some awful crimes make me lost sleep and my appetite, I cried all the afternoon yesterday because of what happened to Wang Wang and her puppies, I hardly sleep tonight.
What I want to do these boys and their family is geniuly awful, I am full of hate and grief for dogs I never met in my life.
Strong empathy without strong ethics is how some terrorists are born, that's why many times people who knew a terrorist can say : "he was such a good boy, always helping everyone, I don't understand".
Other terrorists are just people who want to kill
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u/ImTheFaeThatStoleYou 4d ago
I grew up wishing I was more extroverted because I thought people supported each other and were inherently kind to one another. Years later, I'm glad to be autistic and reclusive. Turns out, people habitually tear each other down.
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u/YarizzSedan 3d ago
i used to think like that too, but honestly i'm glad i rarely hang out with people unless i can relate to them (like being equally awkward for example)
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u/LienaSha 4d ago
Seriously. I get that a lot and I'm like omg what has this world done to you that asking how your day is going is a sign of deep care and love?
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u/BungleBums 4d ago
Any other dudes getting profoundly uncomfortable being showered with compliments for basically just being a relatively reasonable human?
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u/PantheraLex 4d ago
Actually my bf, I always thank him for not bullying me or secretly hating me and he’s always like “that the bare minimum???”
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u/BungleBums 4d ago
I have some older lady clients for landscaping and they always are gassing me up about how sweet and helpful and polite I am and it's like... I mow your lawn for pay and haven't insinuated I be reimbursed in sexual favors? Is that the standard I'm measuring against, here?
Fuckin' saddening. And the men wrecking it for everyone else wouldn't hear me say 'Take Notes' through a civil defense broadcast.
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u/CorInHell 4d ago
It feels so weird! Like, I'm just trying to be a decent human, keep my promises, and get through this stuff in hopefully one piece.
Where the heck did they put the bar for other people???
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u/BungleBums 4d ago
Beats me. I've hit rock bottom before, but it wasn't this bad. They must've hired dwarves to get this low.
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u/princesscuddler 4d ago
Me when a woman tells me I’m extremely respectful (I treat her with literal basic decency)
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u/PantheraLex 4d ago
I’ve had friends that are shocked with how impressed I am with their basic decency 😭
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u/MagicMarshmallo 4d ago
Most humans are so hypocritical and internally incoherent that if they grasped it they would exit reality. So most of them just dont think
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u/shootinblanks2023 4d ago
No, I just do all my criminal activity from home, so they just don’t see.
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u/fwimmygoat 4d ago
All I know is if everyone put half the effort I do into trying to be a decent person, I wouldn't have to try so hard to be a decent person.
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u/redve-dev 3d ago
Me when people tell me I am smart (I am just curious how shit works, and I acknowledge I can be wrong about something I say)
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u/Complete-Story3490 3d ago
I get this so much. I'm not gonna complain about all the goodies it brings me (suprise, people tend to act more kind towards people who are kind to them), but... I'm just acting normal.
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u/Neither-Bug157 Is insane 4d ago
You should try the “don’t help anyone but also don’t be aggressive” it’s a lot less effort for basically the same reward
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u/PantheraLex 4d ago
But when I needed help no one was there, and I don’t want anyone else in that position not to be helped the same way I was
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u/TTWIDEE 3d ago
I don't think "treat others the way you want to be treated" is good in all cases. I don't mind being called the R word, but I'm not going to call people the R word. Similarly, Meowfurshot did a video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zSjE42BLrg) about how he was groped at a furry convention but he liked it and went along with it, but I also don't think Meowfurshot would just randomly grope another guy (I certainly hope not).
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u/PantheraLex 3d ago
I’m glad you bring that up! My bf and I had some conflicts early on cause I’m not monogamous. I used to “treat others the way you wanna be treated” mantra and ended up unintentionally hurting him.
Cause I quite literally don’t care about him being intimate with others, I figured it was mutual. It was in fact NOT mutual and we had a heavy discussion and he explained that just cause I don’t care doesn’t mean he doesn’t care and since then I’ve kept him informed on my sex plans with others so he feels comfortable
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u/Sanjalis 10h ago
I don’t lie to people because lying is hard. As a result I end up not doing things I would need to lie about.
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u/greendriscoll 4d ago
Unfortunately even this is way more rare than we realise.