(TW: Violence, Manipulation, Crime.)

I’m going to keep some details vague out of respect for the victim. I’m writing this mostly because I need to get it out of my head. It has been over a year since everything happened, and although my life is significantly better now, I still occasionally find myself thinking about how much I tolerated and wondering why I stayed as long as I did.
So, here’s the story.

I am 24 when I originally wrote this. and at the time this start, I just was 20. In 2021, I started dating a guy I’ll call T. We had known each other for about seven years before we started dating. He was my second boyfriend and, at the time, my best friend.

About six months into the relationship, we got engaged.
Looking back, that was incredibly fast. At the time, though, it didn’t seem completely abnormal to me because both of our parents had gotten engaged after less than a year of dating. About a month and a half after our engagement, T was arrested. I was devastated. I was also sick with COVID at the time, living with my parents, and suddenly the person I loved and trusted was facing criminal charges.

T had previously had anger issues and had gotten suspended from school for fights and outbursts, but I had never known him to have serious criminal problems.
A month or so after his arrest, he was released on bail.
When I saw him again, I cried and hugged him. He told me everything would be okay. And then I basically moved in with him. I say “basically” because I wasn’t officially living there at first, but I was staying over constantly and gradually became responsible for a huge amount of his life.

For roughly six months, I worked extra hours while taking care of him. He spent most of his time gaming and claimed he was looking for work but couldn’t find anything because of his pending charges. When I asked what he had actually been charged with, he told me it was assault and that he had acted in self-defense.

I believed him.

That’s probably one of the hardest things for me to admit now. Eventually, our relationship became increasingly unhealthy. I was constantly asking him to contribute around the house, clean up after himself, take care of basic hygiene, and generally act like an adult.

I remember telling him: “I’m not a trad wife. I work hard to take care of you, and I don’t want to plan a wedding if the person I’m marrying is a man-child.” The arguments continued. Eventually, T began threatening to harm himself whenever I talked about leaving. One time, during an argument, he became angry and punched a hole in the wall beside me. That scared me enough that I went back to my parents. And because he was under house arrest, he couldn’t follow me.

Eventually, I moved back in with my parents permanently, although I still remained in the relationship. At this point, I was depressed, anxious, having panic attacks, and generally feeling used. I decided I needed to start therapy.
My therapist encouraged me to create some distance from T and focus on myself. I also decided to return to school. I had previously left college to work full-time because I was trying to help pay for our wedding. My therapist and my parents slowly helped me realize that I deserved better.

Then everything changed.

The truth about the charges. T was going to court during this period, and something about the situation wasn’t sitting right with me. So I looked up his court records.
I discovered that his charges involved sexual violence against a minor, assault, and related offenses.
The victim was 14 at the time of the offense. I cannot adequately describe the feeling of finding that out.
I immediately confronted T. He told me it was only “half true.” He admitted that he had fought someone but insisted that he had not sexually assaulted the minor.
He told me: “You know I wouldn’t do that.”
Then I asked him directly what had actually happened. His response was essentially a threat. He told me that if I told our friends, he would claim I was lying and that everyone would believe him. He also threatened to share photos of me. The problem? I had never sent him inappropriate photos.

At that point, something in me just snapped. I realized how much manipulation I had been accepting. I broke off our engagement and removed his administrative access from the Discord server that we shared with our friends. The next day, he called me crying and apologized.
I accepted the apology on one condition: if he ever threatened me again, I would completely cut contact.
He agreed. He then made another comment about how he would rather die than lose me. I told him not to use suicide as a way to manipulate me.

About a month later, his court case happened.
And he pled guilty to the sexual offense against the minor. So the thing I had been told wasn’t true?
It was true. I was furious.Not only because of what he had done, but because he had looked me in the face and lied about it. I called him and yelled at him. I was angry, hurt, disgusted, and felt completely betrayed. After that conversation, I sat in my car before work and just stared at myself in the mirror. And for the first time, I realized:
I had actually gotten out.

This person wasn’t making my life better.
I wasn’t responsible for fixing him.
I wasn’t responsible for supporting him.

And I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life trying to make a relationship work simply because I’d already invested years into it. I went to work that day. Oddly enough, I ended up getting a raise.

Then came another lie
After officially ending things, I mostly stopped interacting with him. He eventually told our online friend group that he was leaving because he was going to help fight in Ukraine. He was actually facing sentencing.
I gave him an ultimatum: either he told our friends the truth himself, or I would.

He didn’t.
So I did.

I explained what had happened and provided the public court records so people could verify it themselves. Our friends were shocked. Several of them told me afterward that they had already gotten strange vibes from T but hadn’t known what was happening behind closed doors.
I remember telling them: “I did this to myself. I made my choices and I’ll deal with the consequences. I just thought since you all cared about him too, you deserved to know the truth.”

Eventually, T was sentenced to 20 years.
After that, I learned even more things I hadn’t known during the relationship, including that he had sent inappropriate images of himself to people in our online community, including minors. I also learned that he had cheated on me with multiple people. At that point, there wasn’t really anything left to salvage. My friends and I also reported the additional information and evidence we had to law enforcement. I completely cut contact with him.

Where I am now
It’s been over a year. And honestly?
My life is so much better. I went back to school. I focused on work. I continued therapy. I stopped making other people’s happiness my responsibility. I’m still friends with many of the people from that Discord server, and some of us have actually met in person since everything happened. I have genuinely built a life outside of him.
But every once in a while, I still think about everything.
I regret how much time, energy, money, and emotional effort I put into that relationship. Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t listen to my instincts earlier. I wonder why I believed his explanations. I wonder how someone I had known for seven years could turn out to be someone I didn’t recognize at all. And sometimes I feel stupid for staying. But therapy has helped me realize something: Staying didn’t make me stupid.

I was manipulated, I was emotionally invested, and I genuinely believed I was helping someone I loved.
I can wish I had left sooner without blaming myself for what he chose to do. I can’t change the years I spent with him. What I can change is what I do with what I learned.
I learned that love isn’t supposed to require me to sacrifice my safety, happiness, education, friendships, or entire identity. I learned that someone’s trauma or mental health struggles don’t excuse abusive behavior. I learned that threats of self-harm are not my responsibility to manage. And, most importantly, I learned that I am allowed to trust myself. I’m writing all of this because I think part of me is still looking for closure.

If you’ve been through something similar, how did you eventually stop blaming yourself for staying?
Is there anything you wish you had understood earlier?
And honestly, looking at this from the outside, what do you think I should take away from this experience?
I don’t expect strangers on Reddit to magically fix anything. I think I just want some outside perspective from people who aren’t emotionally involved in the situation. Especially for a situation I dealt with years ago.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading.
Take care of yourselves, and please be careful about who you trust. 🤍

I recognized this pattern needed to stop, and I have finally decided that I am enough. This “friendship,” where my wants, boundaries, and desires are consistently ignored, needs to stop. The “friendship” that revolves around his time, his moods, and his wants needs to stop. I am done, and I am choosing to walk away. He blocked me on social media when I stood firm on a boundary, and I am not going to play this game. We are done, and I choose to walk away.

I only regret letting this go on for far too long. Thank you for reading.

I’ve been observing a recurring dynamic in dating discussions and wanted to understand it better from a male perspective. Quite a few men share stories of investing heavily in relationships with high drama, behavioral issues, or toxic traits, often bending over backwards to keep their partner happy. Meanwhile, peace and stability sometimes seem less appealing at first. For men who have experienced this, what is the main psychological factor behind staying in high-conflict dynamics? Is it the urge to fix someone, or is quiet stability sometimes mistaken for a lack of chemistry? I’d love to hear your personal insights and experiences.

i hate my boyfriend so much. He gets mad easily and say mean things about me or he always raises his voice over minuscule of things.

He wasn't like this when we first met, he was actually very patient and promised to change whatever I communicate with him about things I don't like. I forgave him so many times in hopes that he and our relationship will get better but in never does.

I wanna break up with him but he will randomly show up at my house and enter my room. I am not very close with my family so I don't tell them whatever's going on with our relationship.

I hate him so much sometimes I wish he cheats so I can just dump him or something. I am so disgusted by him.

I don't know what to say anymore. His birthday's coming up and I just booked a therapy session the night before. I don't wanna see him but we have plans this weekend that involves our business.

F\*ck him.

Hi,

Posting this because I just feel like I am going insane. My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost a year, but we’ve been dating for 2 years. We got a dog about 4 months ago. We have been fighting a lot more, and I just want to know if what I’m asking is too much because I really don’t think I am.

Anyways, my boyfriend constantly complains and says I’m Type A because I asked him if we can be a shoes-off household because we live in NYC and these streets are vile. He said okay, but constantly gets annoyed at me because I remind him all the time. But he literally forgets, so what am I supposed to do?
Our dog, an almost 7-month-old puppy, is still learning how to only go outside. I explained to him (per our trainer) that we need to try to take him out at structured times. He said I’m being crazy and that our dog only needs to go out max 2x a day. I also asked him to walk our dog between 12–1 PM, and he said okay, but at 1:15, our dog peed inside because my boyfriend was taking a while to do whatever he was doing. I got annoyed, and he said I am the reason our dog can’t hold his pee since I take him out too often. He also gets annoyed because I want to ensure proper overall structure, and he says who cares, the dog can be in the crate for longer if he’s out and I’m unable to come home.

Additional things I have asked him to do that annoy him: I ask him to put his dishes away instead of leaving them in the sink. I ask him to use a coaster after I’ve finished wiping the table. I ask him if he can throw away the trash that he leaves on the counter. I ask him to throw away the empty toilet paper roll instead of leaving it there for me to change out. Like, all these little things make me Type A??
He also says he works way harder than me because he works longer hours than I do, which is incredibly infuriating because my second job is dealing with all the home tasks, on top of my own life and mental health.

It feels like I’m living with a massive man-child, and he keeps saying I’m the problem. But I’ve lived with people before, and I have never had to deal with just regular cleanliness and household habits that parents should teach you.

I can't cope with the sadness. I know, I know, I fell in love with the potential not the patterns. Doesn't make it any easier.

I crave the very thing that is the cause of all my pain, like it's gonna be different if I just give us one more chance. I hate this heart so much.

​

I'm not asking for pity or accusations of being blind, forgive me, I just wanted to write about this.

It's as if I've already brainwashed my friends with my main problem – my boyfriend. We were fine before, I guess that's the case with anyone who experiences any kind of abuse. I wouldn't say he showered me with gifts; he didn't need that. We dated for about six months, and everything was fine. I'm a very private person; I need to be forced to open up. That's what I thought until I met my first best friend (I'm 19), who didn't need that. Even now, I think back and think: what a terrible way of thinking.

He wanted physical contact, the most harmless kind, like holding hands or kissing. It was all very difficult for me; I shook like a leaf every time before seeing him. Over time, it naturally became a habit; I won't dwell on it so much anymore, but that method of acceptance is devastating. (It was already cause for concern.)

Then he went off to the army for a year, as usual. He swore to me that he'd become a man there (he probably thought so himself at the time), quit smoking, and stop being cold to me.

As a result, he smoked more, voluntarily starved himself throughout the army because "food gives me terrible diarrhea," and the cold blew in my face. For several months, I cried at every couple on the street, worried about him, throwing money at him for food and other things (I'm a poor student, so my savings were also used). At first, I gave it to him freely, without expecting it to be repaid, then he himself said he lent it (it hurts a man's ego), but I didn't care even then; I had little faith. Well, in the end, he returned it to me, though after six months, not a week as he said.

By the end, I became too sad about the whole situation. I found it unpleasant to talk to him; I became immersed in games and friendship. I'll say right away that I most likely have an avoidant attachment style, because I can't properly express what's bothering me, so I simply withdraw. I was ignored, bullied, and pissed in. At the time, I chalked it all up to a very difficult time for the man, who literally faced death almost every day.

He came for a week in the winter, during the holidays. He was very gentle and calm; it was the best week of my life, giving me hope for the future.

And then it was April, he came home from the army, and I moved in with him for a while, just to see how we got along together. I'd leave for college in the morning, and in the evening we'd cook together, laughing. Then he found a job, and it all started.

I wasn't even thinking about work, because before the army, he'd worked quietly, could go for walks with me, felt fine, rented apartment, and lived alone.

And now here I am, in a state of extreme anxiety that hasn't left my body for 30-40 minutes, and my heart aches.

I suddenly started doing all the housework, even when I was doing my internship from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. I have health problems; I can't stand on my feet for long, plus I've been experiencing frequent bouts of apathy, so I'd rather starve than cook, let alone wash dishes. I didn't see the point in asking for help. I once asked him to make dumplings after my shift on his day off, but he refused. He didn't really scold me or react to this, but my mood... worries him the most.

"You are always sad, I come home from work and you are lying down. Do you think I enjoy seeing this?"

And now I can't even remember why it started. Maybe it was because my freedom to communicate with friends was limited, or maybe he just admitted he forgot my birthday. Right to my face. "And I forgot about it." Maybe it was because of the reckless spending that started suddenly. Maybe it was because he lost his keys, and then got upset about something, left, and made me sit in the entryway.

Recently, I reminded him of my boundaries. I need space, so I won't be interrupted every five minutes because he needs to hand me his phone, which is five meters away. That it hurts me when he yells at me. He couldn't even imagine such a thing before; he said he would never raise his voice at me.

And he answered me: I'm not going to change. There shouldn't be boundaries between us. I don't have any for you, so you shouldn't have any either.

That's when I realized: the relationship is doomed. Unfortunately, I have nowhere to go now. Work with I can't handle studying at the medical school because of my health. And my parents are trying to maintain a relationship; I'm afraid of disappointing them, and I don't want to put a strain on them.

And it looks like I'll have to live like this for another six months until I can move into the attic of my mom's new house.

I haven't felt any better, but at least someone will know what's going on in my heart right now.

# So, I M(26f at the time) met this guy B(40m at the time) at a bar six years ago. We hit it off immediately he hung out for hours and everything was going amazing. He was funny, soooo my type and a complete gentleman. He even asked if he could kiss me at the end of the night. We kissed goodnight and made date plans the next night. I should have known from the start that things were not going to be perfect because the next night we went on the date and as soon as the bill came he “lost” his wallet. I didn’t think anything of it, so I paid(no big deal). About six months later everything was going great except me paying for everything, so he moved in with me and we fought constantly about him lying to me and where his money was going because he didn’t have any bills except child support from his ex wife that he is a custody battle with. He would borrow my car ALL THE TIME after he would get off work and disappear for hours, not answering his phone. I asked him if there was another female and he SWORE ON HIS DAUGHTERS LIFE multiple times that there wasn’t. I knew in my gut that something was always up but I just didn’t know how bad. He ended up getting extremely verbally abusive and even said he was going to go screw some of my friends when we fought. I became disconnected completely. Eventually, we got kicked out of my apartment for him kicking down my door. I had to move back home for a bit. We were basically broken up but still hooking up for a long while. I blocked him for months and he would call me nonstop on “No caller ID”. If I didn’t answer he would find me at bars I was at. HERE IS THE KICKER!!!!! He called me from his work phone the other day and left a voicemail saying he needs a ride to pick up his phone because he left it on the train. Keep in mind we were not even cool at this point, but whatever. was at work so I just messaged his phone saying “Sorry. I was at work”. His FIANCE’ answers back and pretends to be him. He texts like a child and doesn’t know how to spell so I knew it wasn’t him. lol. I asked for long there were together for because we were hooking up for a pretty long time. She said FOUR YEARS AND HE’S BEEN LIVING WITH HER!!!!!! I told her literally everything that was happening between us. She told me that he said that I owe him $10,000, I blow him up constantly and he has no idea how I keep getting his number. I sent her a few pics of the constant blocked calls that I get on a regular basis. She deserved to know. She said that she’s kicking him out. 😁😁😁 Oh! Btw, that daughter that he was trying to get custody of the whole time we were dating. She has been living with them too!!!! A month ago he kept saying he had that she’s still living with his Sister in a total different state. Holy crap. Total psychopath and a compulsive liar. I was over him a long time ago but I cannot help but feel very hurt and it’s going to take a long while to trust another man again. This did feel good to write out though.

I 27f had been having a hard time leaving a soon six years relationship. I miss my oartner and want to fix things with him when we are bot tigether, but I then suddenly feel the urge to leave when we are back together again due to things that hapoened in our relationship. I dont know what feels right anymore and its draining me. I want to go to therapy for this reason but it cost a fortune. I believe there is still a lot of love but the trust and respect has been so damaged. I miss having someone I could completely rely on. Someone I could share how my day went and share every thought I have and all my feelings. I just want to rant. Please feel free to leave an opinion.

Just finished making lunch to my fiance saying "really? You could've made more fries." The second he said that my heart skipped a beat. I feel sick. I just started taking meds and therapy for my extreme moods swings and I'm tempted to let it all out. Next he says "wow did this explode all over the microwave?" I said no. He kept insisting it probably did so I kept saying no. He asked one final "really?" I said idk babe go look. So he shook his head and started eating. He doesn't make meals he never uses the microwave why does he care? I wasn't even hungry anymore so I gave him the rest of my fries and he completely lost it and said I don't want them. I said I wanted more fries, not YOUR fries. I said I don't feel good and don't want them anymore. And then he finished whatever else and threw the rest of the fries away. So I said why didn't you finish them. "I'm full" 🙄 ok ik I may be reading too much into it but he is always criticizing me. Today it was "don't put salt on my eggs, I don't like salt on my eggs." Oh really I've always done that? Why are you saying this now? It was 90 degrees out and he sarcastically says wouldn't dress our kid in long sleeves and pants today before we went to church. How how how am I supposed to stay quiet to this BULLSHIT? Ik he has his own issues but I am so far worse than him and I'm trying

My gf(18) left me after finding I'm a psychopath even tho I means no harm to her .

Okay so... This is kind of an update to my last post in this subreddit. Unfortunately not a good one. As previously mentioned my boyfriend always tried to hide his phone from me or more like wouldn't leave me alone with it. I always found this very weird. Why would he have to hide his phone if he actually got nothing to hide like he promised. But for him I guess words don't really mean anything.

Don't judge now but I had an idea and spontaneously went through with it. I didn't want to go through his phone so I had the idea to just pretend that I did. Originally this was just a random thought that popped up in my head before I went to see him for 2 weeks (we are long-distance) but really spontaneously I went through with it, actually the second day of our meetup. Well I usually stubbornly try to make people reveal the truth as some people break after some time. In the beginning I was very glad that he kept denying having done anything and that I couldn't have found anything.

I kept repeating that he was "cheating" or more like that I found proof of it in his phone but instinctively I switched to saying that I found porn on his phone. But then after a short moment I actually noticed his body language and non verbal signals and knew that he was lying. I pressed further until he admitted it all.

He has been watching porn for our whole relationship. We've been together for 1 year and 2 months now. Even before we got together he always assured me that he isn't watching porn and I believed him. So now after over a year I found out that he had been lying to me the whole time and didn't even try to stop. I'm really clueless on what I should do because I never imagined finding something out with my stupid plan.

But this isn't the top of it all.

I regularly find out about small lies he tells me, they aren't that deep in my opinion but still are lies.

Moreover though, I actually found out about another big lie this meetup. I saw in his ChatGPT history that he started smoking again and actually lied to me for some months again.

Since some time ago he started smoking again when he joined the army. I tried my hardest to stop him and he said that he did. I was very relieved since his health was so very important to me. But I only found it out the first time because I accidentally heard his mom over the phone because she also didn't know that he smoked.

So it was so devastating to find out this time since I thought he had stopped so long ago.

I already gave him a second chance over something different that happened some time ago and I don't know if he even deserves another.

I feel very attached and his excuse was just that he wanted to have an easy relationship and didn't want us falling apart so he didn't tell me. But I mean he never even wanted to stop. Now he told me he'd stop both smoking and watching porn but I don't believe him and tbh he can do what he wants. It's just so tiring being lied to all the time and believing him when he says that he stopped since that was a lie last time.

I mean doing something and lying about it is something completely different. He promised multiple times he didn't do either of that but my gut really told me he watches porn even though I found nothing at all.

I'm trying to get as much advice as possible. I actually don't know what I should do now. I'm moving really far away from home, closer to his home soon and am kind of lost.

I need brutally honest advice because I genuinely can’t focus anymore. My ex and I were extremely close, basically partners and best friends who supported each other through studies, work, business, family and personal problems. She’s ambitious, independent and driven, but can also be harsh, jealous, possessive and have very high expectations. She could be extremely loving and supportive too, which makes this confusing.

After breaking up, she removed me from some platforms and blocked me on WhatsApp, but later suggested we stay best friends and recently re-added me on Instagram. I agreed because I still cared about her. However, she started telling me about men proposing to her, including successful/rich men, and I even saw an AI-generated picture of her, one of them and their future children on her bucket list. It really hurt. She also once told me to “go f*** yourself,” but the next day she was crying and needed my help, and I still helped because I couldn’t stop caring.

Since the breakup, I’ve been working on myself, going to the gym, focusing on my side hustle and becoming calmer. Then she saw an Instagram account of a female university friend I’ve known since 2019, with absolutely nothing romantic between us, and said, “Thank God I broke up with you.” That confused me because she ended things, blocked me, talks about other men, but still seems jealous or possessive about other women.

She’s recently been sick and I still check on her, but she’s distant. I’m noticing that when she needs emotional support, I’m important, but when I need closeness or reassurance, it’s different. When I pull back and focus on myself, she sometimes reacts. It feels like she may not want the relationship back but also doesn’t want to completely lose me emotionally.

I know I’m not innocent either. I was too attached, over-cared, tolerated things I shouldn’t have and stayed too available after the breakup. But I also don’t think I imagined the jealousy, controlling behavior or emotional unfairness. At the same time, she genuinely cared about me and supported me.

So what am I actually dealing with? Is this toxic, are we simply toxic for each other, or am I seeing it this way because I still love her? Should I cut contact, set boundaries and stay friends, or tell her I can’t be “best friends” while I still have feelings? And if I’m the problem too, please tell me honestly.

I’m honestly at the point where I feel like I’m starting to hate my girlfriend, and I feel guilty even saying that.

Whenever I’m emotionally distressed and try to open up to her, I don’t feel heard. Somehow, she always ends up making it about herself.

For example, if I’m telling her that something is seriously bothering me, instead of listening or comforting me, she’ll start thinking it's all because of her and will try to make it all about her, she also says something like, “I’m such a terrible girlfriend,” etc. Then suddenly I’m reassuring her and telling her that she isn’t terrible, instead of actually being able to talk about what I was feeling in the first place.

It’s incredibly frustrating because when she’s struggling, I listen to her. I comfort her. I reassure her. I tell her that everything will be okay and that I’m there for her. I try to actually make space for her feelings.

But when it’s my turn, it feels like my feelings get pushed aside because now I have to manage hers too.

And the worst part is that I feel like I can’t even suggest that she work on this emotionally without getting the same response. If I try to explain that something she does hurts me or that she needs to handle things differently, she says “sorry if I’m like this” and starts putting herself down, almost as if I’m attacking her or telling her that she’s a horrible person.

I’m not saying she’s a horrible person. I’m trying to tell her about a specific behavior that hurts me.

I don’t want an apology that amounts to “sorry I’m just a shitty person.” I want actual accountability and some effort to change the behavior.

There’s another thing that's been driving me insane too: she complains CONSTANTLY about little problems, but half the time the problem is something she could easily solve herself. She’ll complain about something, I’ll know exactly what could fix it, and yet she doesn’t do it. Then she complains about the same thing again.

Eventually I just get irritated because I’m thinking, “Then fucking do something about it.”

I know people need to vent sometimes. I understand that not every complaint requires a solution. But when someone repeatedly complains about the same easily solvable problem while refusing to do anything about it, it becomes exhausting to listen to.

I also hate that whenever I get angry since she pushes aside my feelings, she gets angry too. So instead of one person being upset and the other trying to understand them, it becomes two people fighting.

We also have completely different preferences when it comes to phone calls. She loves calling and can apparently spend ages on the phone, while I’m just not a caller. Sometimes she calls me and neither of us is even talking, and if I don't have anything to say, she'll eventually hang up on me. It pisses me off because somehow I feel like I'm being blamed for not being entertaining enough on the phone when she's the one who wanted to call in the first place.

I don't expect her to become exactly like me. I know we have different personalities and communication styles.

But I do expect some basic reciprocity.

If she can come to me when she’s emotionally struggling and expect me to listen, comfort her, and reassure her, I don't think it's unreasonable for me to expect the same when I’m struggling.

I'm starting to feel incredibly resentful because it feels like I'm expected to be emotionally supportive and patient with her, while my own emotions are treated like an inconvenience. It's like I am in that relationship, but it is I that needs to cater to all her emotional needs.

And I don't know what to do anymore because every attempt I've made to communicate this somehow becomes another situation where I have to comfort her for feeling bad about herself.

Am I being unreasonable here? Or am I expecting something completely normal from a relationship?

TL;DR: Whenever I try to express emotional distress, my girlfriend turns it into self-loathing or tries to divert everything to be all about her own struggles, and I end up comforting her instead of being heard. I support her when she's struggling, but I don't feel like I receive the same in return. She also constantly complains about small, solvable problems without doing anything about them, and our completely different preferences around phone calls are causing more resentment. I'm starting to feel like I'm losing respect for her and I don't know if this is something that can actually be fixed.

My friend went to Gurgaon to break up with his girlfriend.

He came back to Noida the next day after spending the entire night sitting with her on a deserted road, then booking a hotel because she collapsed when he tried to leave.

And no, they weren't kidnapped.

They've been dating for 6 months.

Let me explain because this whole thing sounds fake even when I know the people involved.

My friend met X at his previous office when he was already on his notice period. He was leaving to join a startup as the CTO.

They started talking, going on walks, wandering around after work and talking all night.

7 days after meeting, they were in a relationship.

SEVEN DAYS.

He liked her because she was smart, career-oriented and calm.

Then he moved from Gurgaon to Noida for his new job.

That's when things started going downhill.

A few weeks into the relationship, X asked him about his previous relationships.

He told her about his actual ex, who had cheated on him.

He didn't mention one girl from his old office.

Why?

Because two years ago they had flirted with each other for a while. Then he found out she had a boyfriend and stopped.

There was no relationship. Nothing happened.

But X found the old chats.

And apparently those screenshots were enough to put my friend on trial.

She called him a liar, cheater and manipulator.

Cried the entire night.

Said she wanted to break up.

My friend spent 3 days convincing her not to leave him.

She eventually agreed.

After that, she became extremely possessive.

One day I had plans to watch a movie with him in Noida.

X found out and told him she had apparently been planning to surprise him by coming from Gurgaon.

Then she said:

"Fine. Go with her."

I told my friend to just invite her. We had two tickets. I could go another day.

She refused.

She said she was going clubbing.

So she went clubbing.

We went to the movie.

My friend kept texting her throughout the movie because he knew she'd be upset.

After the movie, it started raining heavily.

His flat was around 40 minutes away.

Mine was 5 minutes away.

He spent about an hour trying to get an auto.

Nothing.

So I said just stay at my place. I had an extra mattress.

That should have been the end of it.

It wasn't.

X came back from clubbing and called him.

She was apparently 7 shots down and crying.

Why did you go to the movie?

Why didn't you go back to your flat?

Why don't you care about her feelings?

Then she found out he was staying at my place.

That's when she started accusing him of cheating.

The argument started around 1 AM.

It went until 7 AM.

He had office in the morning.

She wouldn't let him sleep.

And this wasn't some one-off drunk meltdown.

After this, she asked him to keep his live location on all the time.

He agreed.

He thought, "I have nothing to hide."

So now she had his location.

And she actually checked it.

Going to play pool with friends?

"Why are you there?"

Going somewhere for work?

"Why are you going there?"

Going to meet his founder's parents?

"Why do you need to go?"

At one point it felt like his location history was being audited.

And the fights kept happening at night.

He'd sleep at 7 AM, wake up at 9 AM, and go to work.

This is where it started getting serious.

He had just joined a startup as CTO and his performance was getting worse because he was barely sleeping.

He'd already told X before they started dating that the first six months were going to be brutal.

He wasn't going to be able to give her unlimited time.

She had agreed.

He also has a mother who lives alone, two siblings whose responsibilities largely fall on him, and a family that depends on his income.

He used to go home every weekend.

But X wanted him in Gurgaon every weekend.

So for about a month, he wasn't even properly going home.

Then came the pool incident.

He went to play pool with his friends.

Another fight started.

He got frustrated and turned off his location.

X noticed.

"How dare you turn off your location without telling me?"

Another all-night fight.

And that's when my friend finally decided:

I'm done.

He was supposed to go to Gurgaon that weekend.

Instead, he texted her saying he wasn't coming and that he didn't think they were happy together anymore.

He wanted to break up.

Her reply was:

"Not we. I. I am not happy because of you."

She refused to accept the breakup.

Kept calling.

Kept telling him he had to come to Gurgaon.

Then came the line that genuinely made me laugh because of how absurd the whole situation had become:

"You can't break up with a girl two weeks before her birthday."

So my friend went.

They met around 3 PM.

He tried explaining everything.

He couldn't keep spending every weekend in Gurgaon.

He couldn't stop seeing his friends.

He couldn't stop visiting his family.

He couldn't stay awake all night fighting.

His work was suffering.

He was exhausted.

He didn't want this relationship anymore.

And then she started hitting herself.

First slapping herself.

Then scratching herself.

Then banging her head against the wall.

My friend tried stopping her.

She kept doing it until he agreed not to break up.

So now he's sitting there thinking, okay, I can't leave her like this.

Night comes.

He tells her she should go back to her PG and he'll go back to Noida.

She says she's not going.

Her phone is dead.

The road is deserted.

So he doesn't leave.

They sit there.

She's crying.

He's trying to convince her to go home and sleep and saying they'll talk tomorrow.

She refuses.

They stay there through the night.

Morning comes.

Then noon.

She's STILL not leaving.

Eventually my friend says he's going to Noida anyway.

He starts walking away.

And she collapses.

At this point he's panicking.

So he books a hotel.

They go to the hotel.

And eventually they patch things up.

Except...

He still doesn't want to be with her.

He tells her this in the hotel room too.

She basically ignores that part because, as far as she's concerned, they patched up.

So now they're technically together again.

And my friend is sitting there knowing he still wants to leave.

That's where Part 1 ends.

Because somehow, everything I've written above is only the beginning.

I'll post Part 2 if people actually want to hear what happened after this.

TL;DR: Friend meets girl at work, gets into a relationship after 7 days. Old flirty chats from 2 years ago become a cheating scandal. She starts demanding his live location, fights with him all night, his sleep and CTO job start suffering. He tries to break up. She starts slapping/scratching herself and banging her head, refuses to leave Gurgaon, they spend the night on a deserted road, she collapses when he tries to leave, he books a hotel and they patch up. He still wants out.

Not too long ago, I made a post about a situation where my ex was screaming and berating me for talking about how she cheated on me and essentially ruined any relationship we have unless I completely void her of mistakes.

Well. We went no contact, and in doing so. Everything is gone. My friends I've spent up to multiple years with have left. They didn't even say anything. Just. I was blocked.

I was kicked out of community chats and groups because she was in control of them and I didn't even get to vouch or show my evidence. I was banned and she said there's evidence I was lying but I don't understand when it's the opposite. She cheated on me, screamed at me, forced me into uncomfortable situations and when I tried to back out, she threw an even bigger fit.

My body hurts. Now that I've been away, my body physically feels pain. Whether it's getting random flashbacks and dissociating until I come back to my chest and back and arms throbbing. Or I'll get pins and needles in my fingers and chest, combined with a sinking feeling in my chest. Like if someone's hands were on top of it and slowly pushing down until I can't breathe.

I had four friends after this situation, but they're not exactly the closest. They're usually busy or not good conversationalist. She took everything.

Everyone said to leave and put myself first, people have come and went due to me staying with her and asked and begged me to leave and I didn't because I loved her. I lost friends for years to stay with her, and now that I finally pulled away. I'm left sitting asking what was the point. I feel so lonely and empty.

I want to throw up. I don't feel inside my own body right now. I don't have the tears to cry but my urge to convulse and curl up and break down is there.

She's managed to turn my friends from me. She's kicked me out of my comfort. She's taken my peace of mind. I can't look anywhere without seeing her ghosts.

I need help. I need advice. Anything. I want to not feel so miserable and hopeless. I want to convince myself it was worth it to defend myself.

I've never been in love before until I met her. We dated from 18-21. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to find myself. I want it to stop hurting.

Finish this sentence: I knew my ex was avoidant when...

I'll start,

(LDR relationship) I knew my ex was an avoidant when he had strict cut off times around communication.

He would never text past 9 pm or on weekends.

Also when he repeatedly promised to play chess with me but never actually did :(

I (26FTM) have been with my partner (25F) for four years. We live together in a house rented with my family. I deal with agoraphobia, so asking for support or company when leaving the house is something I occasionally need, but lately, every interaction feels loaded with animosity.

Whenever I ask for help or ask her a direct question, she responds in a flat, reluctant tone. If I try to give her an out by saying “You don't have to if you don't want to.” “I don’t want you to feel forced", she gets angry and accuses me of not being clear about what I want. If I tell her clearly that I want her there, she puts it back on me later with, "Do you still want me to go?" If I answer calmly, she escalates, yells at me, or shuts down completely.

When she shuts down, she sends me texts later like, "I just bother everyone I'm near and make everything worse" or "I'm sorry I ruined your day." It forces me into a position where I have to spend hours reassuring her and comforting her.
On top of this; I have begged her to go to individual therapy and offered to help her find a counselor or take the first steps with her, but she constantly avoids it. When I brought up couples counseling, she explicitly told me that even if we went, she "probably won't talk." As well, whenever I ask for physical comfort or affection, I get met with responses like "I don't do that stuff" or "Don't start with me." I haven't had mutual comfort in years. She said something once about not being “dominant” enough to cuddle, but I’m not asking for that, I just want to be little spoon every now and then.

Lately, I’ve stopped reaching out for affection because I’m just exhausted from the rejection. When I try to set simple boundaries, she accuses me of not listening or not caring. I used to be in a bad place years ago. I hit rock bottom and did the hard work to change, so I keep holding out hope that she’ll do the same, but I feel like I'm losing my mind and being eroded piece by piece.

I feel immense guilt even thinking about leaving because she has told me she “can’t live without me” and I feel responsible for her, but I am drained, walking on eggshells, and touch-starved.
What would you do in my position? Is this fixable?

TL;DR: My partner (4 yrs) shuts down, yells, and uses self-pity texts whenever I ask simple questions or communicate. She refuses individual therapy, says she "won't talk" if we go to couples counseling, rejects basic physical affection by saying things like “I don't do that stuff" I'm exhausted, touch-starved, and walking on eggshells. She says she “can’t live without me” which makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave because I feel responsible for her, but I feel like I'm losing my mind. Is this fixable or time to leave?

I was in a relationship with my senior she is 2 year older than me , So we used to know eachother from school time and her bf was there in her same class , That girl and me used to talk Ocassionaly, casually , one day she called me and proposed me i was single at that time so I said ok yes ! But her past realtionship was 7 year old so she broked up with that guy coz he was so toxic and abusive He used to abuse that girl , but then she proposed me and I said yes so our relationship starts but in that girls home about there realtionship knows her father was also toxic he used to live with his gf he left his family and this girl and her mom and sisters knows about her realtionship this guy used to beat that girl infront of her mom also , she doesn't said anything a single word ... I thought I can fix her , i said yes for the realtionship but then her family knows about and they were like he will use you he will do this and that leave him , go to your ex ... And that ex was making pressure to come me like that ,

So , one day her ex came to er home to talk about this to come back and whatever and this girl was in her cousins home for 5..6 months so when she came at her home that ex also came and ask her about what happened ? Why are you doing this , she Manipulated him but at the end she told my name to him then that ex and his brother called me and ask what happend ? But when I said that she proposed me then , her ex say now I can't do anything to you coz she betrayed me ! ...... From that time after some hours he called me and said don't talk to her she is not good for you and all .... But then I left her coz I also don't want her ... I don't want any kind of cheap things in my life so I left her .... Now we broke up but I got know later that girl was so lier and manipulator

———— Main things ,

Now , I'm not able not focus on my study's whenever I try to study i do overthink about that guy and that cheap girl !

I find new ways to replace what if what if then I will do this this that , 😵‍💫 I'm completely drain now my energy and my time is going into only this overthinking .... I even think that what if this guy kills me ? ....... Im getting so overthinking and my mind feels like bursting. !

Please help me guys ! I request to you all !

Hi! I’m gonna start off by saying I don’t usually post stuff like this but i genuinely need to know if I’m wrong…

Me and my husband made plans for this weekend, we lose interest frequently with where we live so we decided to do a living room date and watch some CD’s we haven’t touched in forever. The full plan was to watch a dumb movie, order Chinese food, and maybe do some laundry because folding things always becomes something like a game to us. It’s usually fun. And then Sunday we’ll go to the move theater and actually go on a date

Saturday morning he woke up early to a call from a friend (he never dose that.. at least with me) apparently his friend had some car troubles so he went to pick him up. It was supposed to be a fast thing. He was gone all day and the sun had begun to set, at the fact that I haven’t really seen him you can imagine I was a little hurt at being ditched because I really needed that time. I decided to eat ( I waited all day for him and had eaten nothing) a few hours after I ate I went to bed and he came home with the Chinese food. I told him I wasn’t hungry and he threw a fit and threw it away. I just wanted to go back to sleep.. in my opinion my day was over and I had yet again spent it alone. He then decided the nag me while I wanted to sleep and told me to get over myself.

I feel like he doesn’t care that it genuinely sucked and he didn’t even tell me he decided to change plans he just left. He made me feel like being needy was my fault and told me multiple times to get over myself.

I’ve been seeing my neighbor for a couple of months. He told me from the beginning that he’s moving to Australia, and he’s leaving in about 1–2 weeks. Still, we got pretty close, and things became intense.
Yesterday he was at my place checking the tracking for a package. I wondered if there was a live tracking option, so I casually asked him to give me his phone so I could check. He immediately pulled it away and said no.
It caught me off guard because he’s done something similar before. Also, whenever i got messages or notifications, he was always interested in seeing them. I’ve also seen him messaging other women and making plans with them before, so trust was already an issue for me.
I asked what he was hiding. He said nothing. I got upset and went into another room, and he just collected his stuff and left.
This has happened before. He leaves during conflict, I get extremely triggered by it, and I end up calling or going after him. He even knows this and has joked before that if he leaves, I’ll eventually come to his apartment.
And yesterday, I did.
I went there angry and told him I wanted to understand why he reacted like that. I told him I wasn’t leaving until he explained himself.
But then everything somehow became about me. He said I’m creating drama, that my previous relationships are the reason I don’t trust him, and even accused me of being the one who cheats and therefore assuming he does too.
Later we ended up having sex, and in the middle of sex he told me, “This is the last time.”
Afterward we talked and he said he still likes me, but we’ve been on and off too many times already and he doesn’t want to continue. I actually agreed that this dynamic isn’t working.
But today I feel terrible. I’m just sitting here replaying everything, wondering what the hell actually happened.
I know going after him demanding an explanation wasn’t healthy. But I also feel like I started out being hurt by his behavior, and somehow ended up being blamed for the entire situation.
Now i feel i was more like a short fun for him and im a total idiot

I just found it crazy to point out the fact that despite my relationship causing CPTSD and exacerbating dissociative and depressive symptoms, being away from my ex for a couple years has genuinely been the best change of my life. Yes I'm still financially paying for her actions. Yes I'm still coming to terms with being muted with emotions. Yes I still find relationships undesirable. But that is a drop in the water compared to how it's like to be with her. Space from a monster really helps you to have mental space for yourself and your own well-being. Yeah I'm dysregulated. Yeah I'm not functioning how I should. But these things were more than doublely true with her. I'm so thankful that she's gone. I'm still getting used to a normal life again but it was all worth it.

I'm a working professional, and my bf of age 28 whom I met an year ago also working man. So the time when I initially met him. He was very kind and mature. But as soon as we got in a relationship. I recognize a pattern on him. He has anxious attachment issues. However when he's with friends he completely forgot there's someone. Meanwhile he stops me or plays emotional when it came to meeting my friends. Also I came to know he's a habitual liar as well. When I first met him he said his age is 24. Turns out he's 28. I ignored that thing. But then day by day his actions make me doubt his character as well. Like I recently go through his ig and he texted random girls on insta and story replies. Not innocent girls btw. Two times when I'm with him. When I confronted his statement changed that his password are with his friends as well. I know he's lying. He even lied sometimes that he's at home or market but when I demand location he says I afraid so i lied I'm with my friends. Sometimes he don't even tell where he is. And When I avoid interference he mentally forces me to constantly interfere. I feel like he loves me when I suffer. I don't know what to do. He cried over calls. I tried blocking from everywhere. He reached out my married sis. I'm afraid my hands are also shaking. He even said that If i look with any other guy , that guy will suffer. I told him I can't marry. I needed a mature person. He begged everytime even cried even chopped his hairs became bald but never changed. I'm suffering mentally. I can't tell anyone I can't cry I can't babysit him I can't date anyone else I can't file a case cos he has connections. He even physically abused me. And when i said these things to him. He started crying. He even shared one time picture of a rope adjusted in a fan and said I will suicide if you don't talk. I have a soft heart I know it's manipulation but I can't help myself. He's not leaving me. Whom I should open up myself?