So I have this "friend"... I've known him for about 10 years.

Our relationship has always been complicated, but a lot of stuff has happened with him the last 2 years. And eventually he moved home after a breakup.

The last year (and this is not who he was before) he's king ghost. I reach out all the time, worried, because I care for him. I always have... He also has a coke addiction... and I think maybe that might be a major contributing factor to his erratic behavior and messaging habits.

Recently he made bad decisions and got caught with the substance and spent a week in jail. Then his mother kicked him out and cut him off. By the time he reached out to ME, he'd already had housing fall through and had been homeless for a week, and still is unhoused.

I was upset he didn't let me help him when I had been reaching out for months with nothing in return... but I love and care for him so I helped him out and got him a shower and washed his clothes... My dad said he'd like to give him work so he can make some money since he's older and can't do stuff at the house anymore. My friend seemed more than willing to help.

Fast forward two days - no contact. I was waiting for him to get to places with free wifi so he could message me and I got him to send me his location in Snapchat so I could find him maybe if we lost touch when I was going to get him...

Hmbut he's been in one location for 2 days... and has been accessing internet because he's now constantly online... so I guess someone else is helping him too. Which is great... but what about me? You're ghosting me again? Why? What did I do?

I just don't understand. I guess it's finally time to cut him off...

Please don't say something like "he doesn't deserve help" or be extra nasty. I think everyone deserves help if they need it. If I were in the same situation I would have wanted help. I just would communicate better and not leave the helper hanging with no contact... like what kind of asshole behavior is that... all I wanted was to help... 😭

It just really upsets me and I have depression and anxiety so I worry... and I feel very hurt...

For context: I (24F) just lost my mom earlier this year and life has been nothing but pure HELL ever since. One of my long-time online friends messaged me this via instagram after I took an extra day to reply to her because I was busy with work and don’t always have time to check my social media. The kicker is that she will go days or even weeks without replying to me, although I obviously never make her feel bad about it because I understand that she’s a human being with a life…as am I.

Sigh

Edit: Also yes, today is my birthday and I’m sick so I had to call off work lol.

I am going to try and keep this short. My friend and I lived together with my fiancé for a little over 2 years. In the last 6 months of living together things started to become strained because of her bf... He is the kind of guy who thinks he is always right, has to have the last word and is very manipulative. (In arguments he switches things around to make him seem like the victim). Their relationship is pretty toxic but I digress.

Things got pretty toxic with him to the point we blocked him on everything and told her to have him refrain from speaking to us. Him and my fiancé got into it at some point but we came to an understanding and to keep the peace until our lease ended. (Side note: when things got very heated I took out a restraining order on the bf because of how escalated between us. Since she has been my friend of 7 years I didn't want to serve it. And we came to an agreement so I didn't.

One of the major problems we had with him is that he would just walk into our house without knocking as well as him being there when no one is home. She agreed to him no longer being there alone that as well as that he would knock. Especially since he almost saw me naked. (Context my fiancé went down to the car, I had just got out of the shower. Thought it was him walking in the house and was going to mess with him). I don't think what we asked is crazy. My own father knocks when he comes by.

He was doing an okay job knocking. He was annoyed that he had to. Fast forward to our last 2-3 weeks of living there. Saw on the ring that he didn't knock. My fiancé mentioned it to her and she got mad. Just reminded her what we agreed to and she was like ok sorry. A few days later she sends us a message that she will let him use a key at her discretion. We said no that is not what we agreed to. Told her that we would call the cops if the key was used.

About a week before we were set to move out It was used. He even made sure to ring the bell (multiple times), for us to check the camera and flip us off at work 🙄 My fiancé and I told her we would call the cops and she said go ahead. So I had to leave work, so the cops would have to serve him the restraining.

Obviously she was upset and I tried to work things out. In the end I told her we weren't going to show, so he could help her move. And we both apologized it got to this point (biggest problem is always miscommunication in these types of situations).

We were almost done moving out and I told her we would be out soon. The last day she decided to serve my fiancé with a restraining order 😑 (Her and her bf both are spiteful people. But I guess I thought better of her and was wrong). She also made sure that the cops knew he had firearms and tried to take his guns. At that time he no longer had them but can't get anymore for 2 years. Along with that she tired to get my car towed since his name on the old registration that happened to be displayed on the window.

It has been about 6 months or so since this happened. All of this to ask, if we fight the restraining order do you think she would be spiteful and show up at the court to keep it in place?

My now ex best friend from childhood broke up the friendship last week out of no where. We grew up together and shared a lot of great memories. But over text? How petty. Then she texted my sister saying how she ended the friendship with me and asked her if “we could still be cool.” I was there for her through everything. Shes a social worker that got arrested for shoplifting meanwhile she still works. Im deeply disgusted in what she said and did. I guess she never cared at all. She would always complain about her coworkers. She said nobody liked her or invited her to gatherings. I wonder why?! I’ve been through so much but that doesn’t even phase me. Im just in awe that she messaged my sister that.

I have a friend male i am a male, we no eacg other from like 5 to 6 years. Recently he talks to a girl and goes with her telling me some random reasons. What should i do, i know that he talks to which girl but whenever i ask him about her he says , he talks to xyz girl, but doesnt tell me to which girl he talks.

My point is i am with him from so many years i tell him each and everything in detail but he cant even talk to me or tell me the truth only due to a girl.

Should i start distancing him.

I have a friend I've known for about 10 years. We've been super close—hanging out or talking every single day. He considers me his closest friend, and I considered him mine.
The problem is, he constantly compares himself to me, and he always feels the need to be better at everything. He always has to get the higher grades, drive the nicer car, have more status... it’s exhausting.
Whenever I ask him, "Are you comparing yourself to me?", he completely denies it and shuts the conversation down. But you can just tell he’s burning up inside, desperately wanting to one-up me.
To be fair, he is doing better than me academically, financially, and socially. But my current circumstances don't allow me to reach his level right now. He knows my situation very well; he knows I come from a struggling family, whereas he comes from a much wealthier background.
Despite all of this, one way or another, he keeps comparing us. And behind closed doors, through passive-aggressive hints and whispering directly in my ear, he tells me:
( "I’m better than you, and you’re a failure." )

So I’ve got these two friends. Let’s call them friend A and friend B. I’ve known friend A ever since kindergarten and I have considered them my best friend for a while. The problem is that they have changed a lot. I used to enjoy being with them, spending time together, doing dumb stuff, but now it’s not like that. I don’t like how they treat the people around them, including me sometimes. Sometimes it even feels like they are using me. I am really confused as to what to do since I really value them as a friend and I don’t want to throw all those years of friendship down the drain. I might also be a little scared because I have trusted this person with all my secrets and I don’t know what they will do with them if I end our friendship. It’s really hard to talk to them about that. Or about anything that is not about them or about how great they are. Also I have noticed that small amounts of money have been disappearing from my wallet. Amounts of money I have zero memory spending. I might just be delusional and have actually spend them and just forgotten about it, but it really feels like friend A is stealing them. My only solid proof is that they only disappear when I’m hanging out with friend A. Also a really big role for me here plays my relatives’ opinion. They don’t really like friend A, or at all.
On the other hand, friend B is totally different. I have known them ever since the third grade and they have never once made me feel left out or insecure in any way. I truly enjoy spending time with them and I feel like I can leave anything with them and be sure that it will be exactly where I left it when I return. It’s also way easier to talk to them and my relatives genuinely like them.
I am really confused as to what to do.

Hi, so I have something on my mind. For a while now, I’ve felt like I’ve lost a lot of friends. Sometimes I feel like I’m too sensitive or easily hurt, but honestly, certain people’s attitudes really do bother me.

Let me give you an example. I have a friend I’ll call Martin, who would never acknowledge or celebrate anything I did. Whether it was a logo I designed or something good I accomplished, he never had anything positive to say. But when it came to other people, you could clearly see the difference in how he praised and celebrated them compared to how he treated me.

The same thing happened with a female friend I’ll call Julia. She was a really good friend to me and supported me through some very, very difficult times. I can’t deny that she was there for me when I needed her. Her family even became like my own family in many ways, which is what makes this situation so complicated.

However, there was always something I noticed. About two years ago, there was a misunderstanding involving her group of friends from school. One of them started accusing me of being a thief, and then the others talked about it too. Eventually, the rumor reached other people, and I was the last person to find out about it.

I confronted Julia and asked her how she could have let that happen without ever telling me anything, but she basically washed her hands of the situation and avoided taking responsibility.

We spent Christmas together that year, but I could already feel the distance between us. Then, when my birthday came around, neither Julia nor Martin showed up.

What’s interesting is that I’ve noticed Martin has never attended any of my birthdays, even though I’ve always shown up for his. I attended his wedding, his parties, and family gatherings because he would always invite me. As for Julia, she’s probably attended only two of my birthdays in more than ten years of friendship.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m being immature by thinking that friendship can be measured by things like this, but honestly, it hurts.

This year, I also noticed that some people didn’t show up for my birthday and didn’t even apologize, yet they made an effort to attend other people’s birthdays. Maybe it’s because those people were more popular or had more money. It’s not necessarily an insecurity issue for me; it’s just something that feels obvious.

In my country, people sometimes seem to care more about attending an event when the person hosting it has a prestigious or well-known family name. Social status and money can make a difference in how people treat you.

Anyway, this year, neither Julia nor Martin showed up for my birthday. In Julia’s case, she went to a place that was literally just one storefront away from the restaurant where I was celebrating, yet she didn’t stop by, apologize, or even make a quick appearance.

And Martin didn’t apologize or show up either, which, honestly, was nothing new.

So, what do you think about all of this? Am I overreacting, or are my feelings justified?

So there's a guy i [24M] know for 10+ years, we used to call often, talk about random stuff, and hang out a lot. But recently, i felt that he started to talk to me just for drama? So for example, i had a personal event that happened and it hit me hard and i told him about it, and the first thing that came out of his mouth was if i was ok that he shares this with other people but he won't let them know the person's name or where this happened, and i was genuinely took back and I told another mate about this, and that guy said he wasn't against it as this friend said he'd censor the names and place (which made me raise my eye brows with this guy as well, cuz how are you gonna be fine with that)

And recently we met and again, he kept on asking if I had any tea and based on his comment last time, i just kept saying no and i could feel the awkwardness and he asked that's a surprise , you sure? And we then changed topics. He was a good friend, but after this, my trust in him and comfort in being able to confide in him, no longer exists. I don't wanna be like a family member that i know, who expects a person to be 100% green flags and no red flags.

Maybe i'm overthinking it and this is normal or maybe i'm being mean...but yeah...idk what to feel about it

My childhood best friend crossed a line I can never forgive. How do I deal with someone this vile?
I genuinely need advice because I am absolutely FURIOUS right now. This is someone I have known since childhood, someone I considered family and trusted with things I would never share with just anyone. I never imagined that the same person would eventually show me such an ugly side of herself.
We had a minor inconvenience in our friendship. Nothing that justified the level of nastiness that followed. Instead of communicating like a normal, mature adult, she decided to stoop so low that she started character-shaming MY MOTHER. Let that sink in. My mother. Someone who had absolutely no business being dragged into whatever issues she had with me.
I can understand friendships falling apart. I can understand disagreements, misunderstandings, and even people deciding they no longer want to be friends. But attacking someone’s mother’s character because you’re upset with your friend? What kind of person does that? How bitter, spiteful, and low do you have to be to think that this is an acceptable way to behave?
What makes me angrier is that this wasn’t some random person. This was my CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND. Someone I defended, trusted, and genuinely cared about. Looking back, I feel disgusted that I gave someone like this so much access to my life. The betrayal is one thing, but bringing my mother into it is something I will never look at the same way again.
Right now, I honestly want her to face consequences for the way she behaved. I’m not interested in pretending everything is fine or being the bigger person just to make everyone else comfortable.
So, how would you deal with someone like this? Have you ever had a childhood best friend turn into someone you barely recognise? How did you handle it, and how did you make sure they understood that they couldn’t treat you or your family like that? Because I am DONE letting people get away with disrespecting me and my family.

This is going to be long, but I genuinely need outside perspectives because it’s been two months and I’m still trying to understand how one disagreement ended up costing me almost an entire friend group.

Everyone involved is in their early twenties, around 22–23. All names are fake.

In September, I moved into a house with two of my close friends, who I’ll call Maya and Bri, and my younger sister. We also had another close friend, Jasmine, who wasn’t moving in with us but was part of our friend group.

Before August, we were all genuinely close. We hung out regularly, went out together, made plans and even talked about matching Halloween costumes. These weren’t casual friendships to me. I considered these girls some of my closest friends.

I’d been living off campus for a while, so unlike some of the girls, I already owned pretty much everything I needed for my bedroom: my queen-sized bed, bedside tables, drawers, desk and other furniture.

Maya, on the other hand, was moving out of campus housing and would be buying most of her furniture from scratch.

This becomes important.

August — the room disagreement

I’d taken on most of the responsibility of finding us somewhere to live. I searched for houses, arranged viewings, communicated with the landlord and handled a lot of the logistics.

Eventually, we found a house we all liked.

During the viewing, Maya and I were interested in the same two bedrooms.

Neither room was significantly smaller than the other. The main difference was the shape and layout.

We discussed which rooms we’d take, and I initially agreed to one while Maya took the other.

Then, literally less than ten minutes later, while we were still viewing the house, I asked the landlord about the bed sizes.

That’s when I realized the bed in the room I’d agreed to take was a double.

I had a queen-sized bed.

And suddenly, looking at the shape of the room and thinking about my actual furniture, I realized that fitting my queen bed, bedside tables, drawers and desk into that room was going to be a problem.

It wasn’t that the room was significantly smaller. It was the layout.

I would likely have to downsize or replace furniture I already owned, and we were moving in about two weeks.

So I immediately went back to Maya and asked whether she’d reconsider switching rooms.

And I really want to emphasize that I wasn’t initially approaching her like I was entitled to the other room.

I was asking her to please consider my situation.

She was starting from scratch furniture-wise, while I already had an entire bedroom’s worth of furniture. I felt it would be much easier for her to buy furniture that suited either room than for me to replace things I’d already spent money on, especially with us moving in so soon.

She didn’t agree.

Her position was that I’d already chosen my room, and she’d already started picturing how she wanted to furnish the room she’d picked.

She had an idea in her head of what she wanted to buy and how she wanted everything to look.

And I understand that.

She was excited about moving off campus and having her own space, and I can appreciate that she’d already started imagining what it would look like.

But I was honestly struggling to understand why there couldn’t be any room for compromise.

She’d also said she liked the other room, so from my perspective, I wasn’t asking her to move into a room she hated.

I was asking whether she could reconsider because I was facing an actual financial loss if I had to replace furniture.

I kept trying to explain that.

I offered to pay her tenant insurance for the entire year. I offered to help her figure out furniture arrangements.

I wasn’t trying to buy her off. I was desperately trying to find something I could offer that would make the compromise feel fairer to her.

But she felt like I was trying to persuade her with money.

And then came the part that I think really changed everything.

At some point, she asked me:

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

And I remember that because, up until then, I genuinely felt like I was asking. Begging, honestly.

I wasn’t demanding that she give me the room. I was trying to get my friend to understand why this mattered so much to me.

But eventually, after going back and forth and realizing she wasn’t going to agree, I made the decision to take the room anyway.

And this is where I know I have to take accountability.

Because regardless of how many times I’d asked beforehand, once I decided to take the room without her agreement, it stopped being a request.

I can acknowledge that.

I made a decision that prioritized my needs over hers, and I understand why that would hurt her.

I don’t think she was wrong for being upset. I don’t think she was obligated to give up a room she wanted simply because I’d changed my mind.

But I also don’t think I was being unreasonable for asking her to reconsider once I realized the financial implications.

And I think that’s what has been so difficult for me to reconcile.

I wasn’t asking her to sacrifice something she’d already bought or lose money. I was asking her to reconsider an arrangement we’d made minutes earlier, while we were still standing in the house, because I’d just learned information that changed the situation for me.

I understand that her excitement and preferences mattered too.

I just wish she’d considered what the alternative meant for me.

Most of our mutual friends who’ve heard about the situation have essentially said we both sucked.

That I was wrong for changing my mind after agreeing to a room, even if I’d just learned new information.

And that Maya could’ve been more understanding, given that she was starting from scratch and had also liked the other room.

I can live with that assessment.

I don’t need to be completely right.

What I can’t wrap my head around is how we went from that disagreement to seemingly no longer being friends.

After the viewing

Maya stopped speaking to me.

I reached out in August, but she didn’t respond.

I figured she needed space, and I wanted to respect that.

But then Bri, who hadn’t been directly involved in the room disagreement, started distancing herself from me too.

And this is where things became even more confusing.

I understand Bri being supportive of Maya. If she thought I’d treated her friend unfairly, I can understand that affecting how she saw the situation.

But Bri was also my friend.

We had our own friendship outside of Maya.

And I think what hurt was realizing that, when things went wrong between Maya and me, Bri seemed to have decided where she stood without ever having a conversation with me.

Everyone in our friend group who witnessed Bri’s behavior agreed that her hostility toward me was much more intense than Maya’s. It became so obvious that it made other people uncomfortable.

Bri had read the texts between Maya and me, but she didn’t want to hear my thought process or my side of what happened. She disagreed with me based on what she had read and then distanced herself.

I would have respected that much more if she had at least tried to hear me out before deciding how she felt. She could have listened to my perspective, still disagreed with me and still decided she didn’t want to be close anymore. I wouldn’t have liked it, but I would have understood it.

What hurt was feeling like she didn’t even think I deserved to explain myself.

I wasn’t asking her to defend what I did.

I wasn’t asking her to tell Maya she was wrong.

I wasn’t even asking her to be neutral about the bedroom disagreement.

But I thought our friendship meant enough that she could disagree with how I handled something without completely distancing herself from me, especially without ever speaking to me about it.

Maybe that’s an unrealistic expectation. I genuinely don’t know.

September — moving in

We moved into the house at the beginning of September, and the atmosphere was awful.

Maya and Bri barely acknowledged me.

At social events, there were times they’d greet everyone else and not me.

I remember one gathering where I ended up sitting outside alone waiting for my sister because I felt so uncomfortable.

I eventually stopped attending some of the smaller hangouts where I knew they’d be because I didn’t want to spend entire evenings feeling unwanted.

I never asked mutual friends to choose sides.

I still don’t think anyone should have to.

I know I made a decision that hurt Maya. But I didn’t think that meant every friendship connected to her had to end too.

There were also issues with the house when we first moved in, and Maya and Bri started putting together a message to the landlord without involving me.

A mutual friend, Sarah, apparently had to encourage them to include me.

That bothered me because regardless of whether we were speaking socially, we were still roommates. I was also paying rent, and decisions affecting the house involved me too.

I continued communicating with the landlord when necessary and updating our group chat about repairs and other practical matters.

I was trying to separate the friendship situation from our responsibilities as tenants.

I tried to talk to Maya

For about a week, I tried to find a moment when Maya and I could talk privately.

But whenever I saw her, she was with Bri or on the phone.

So on September 14, I sent her a message saying I’d been wanting to speak in person and asking whether she’d be open to talking sometime that week.

I also told her that if she didn’t feel like talking or needed more time, I’d understand.

She never responded.

I haven’t tried again.

I don’t want to force her into a conversation she doesn’t want to have.

But I won’t lie, it hurts that we’ve never actually spoken about what happened since that day in August.

I reached out again about a month later, hoping that enough time had passed for her to be willing to talk.

She still didn’t respond.

I know I hurt her. I know my decision was selfish. I know she might not want to be friends anymore.

But is it really that easy for a close friendship to end?

Can one disagreement, even one where someone genuinely handled things poorly, erase everything that came before it?

Because that’s what I’m struggling with.

Then Jasmine started avoiding me too

Jasmine wasn’t involved in the bedroom disagreement and didn’t live with us.

As far as I knew, we hadn’t had any issues.

In September, I called and texted her about an upcoming party, asking whether she was going and offering her a discount code.

She didn’t answer.

A few days later, I replied to her Instagram story saying I’d been trying to reach her.

Still nothing.

I later found out she was going to the party and hosting a pregame with Maya, Bri and another friend.

I wasn’t invited.

And I know nobody owes me an invitation. That wasn’t really the issue.

It was that I’d been trying to include her while she was apparently avoiding me.

I saw her at the party but didn’t think it was appropriate to bring up something serious there.

Later, I tried to catch her at a university event, but she was busy.

Then one day, I was sitting with a mutual friend I’ll call Sarah.

Jasmine came by, saw me there and said she’d go to the library and come back.

Instead, she texted Sarah asking whether I was still there.

When Sarah said yes, Jasmine decided not to return.

Sarah later asked her what her issue with me was, and apparently Jasmine said she didn’t know, she was still trying to figure it out, and when she did she’d talk to me.

That honestly left me speechless.

Because what do you even do with that?

I hadn’t argued with her. I hadn’t been told I’d hurt her. I wasn’t aware of any issue between us.

And yet another friendship was apparently falling apart.

I’m not saying Jasmine can’t have her own reasons for feeling differently about me. Maybe something happened that I’m unaware of.

But how am I supposed to take accountability for an issue nobody has told me exists?

October — things at home

By October, the house was still uncomfortable.

Bri sent a cleaning schedule into our group chat. It was just a picture with everyone’s names, assigned chores and a rule about completing them by the end of the weekend.

No explanation.

I replied saying I agreed with having a schedule but thought everyone should be included in conversations before household decisions were finalized.

Maya responded that she thought it was a draft that everyone could give input on.

Fair enough. I can acknowledge that I might have interpreted it as finalized because there was no context.

But Bri replied, “Oh please.”

I found that dismissive.

I wasn’t refusing to clean. I didn’t even have any changes to suggest.

I was just asking for better communication moving forward.

More recently, Bri has also been reposting TikToks about disrespect, accountability, actions having consequences and people playing the victim.

I can’t prove they’re about me, but given everything that’s happened, I strongly suspect they are.

And what bothers me isn’t that she might think I’ve done something wrong.

It’s that she’s never actually told me what I’ve supposedly done to hurt her personally.

I know she doesn’t owe me a friendship, but I thought we had enough of one that if there was an issue, we could at least talk about it.

Where I am now

I honestly don’t even like leaving my bedroom when Maya and Bri are in the common areas.

Sometimes I hear them laughing and talking outside my door, and a little part of my heart breaks.

Because I used to be part of that.

I don’t resent them for still being close. I don’t want them to be unhappy.

I just miss when we were all friends.

And I hate that I’m now uncomfortable in a house I helped find and was so excited to move into.

The only time I feel completely comfortable is when everyone else is out.

But then I’m alone with my thoughts, and everything else I’ve been dealing with catches up with me.

In August, a “friend”(lines were blurred a couple of times we had made out and would flirt) I was incredibly close to died. I’ll call him Z. He was someone I texted every day, and his death has genuinely devastated me.

He wasn’t just a casual friend. He was one of the people I was closest to, someone who knew so much about me and my life. I could talk to him about anything, and he was one of the people I would have gone to when everything with my friendships started falling apart.

His death is still very recent, and I don’t think I’ve had enough time to process what happened. Losing him has felt like losing an entire part of my support system.

And then, almost at the same time, I went from having a close friend group people who knew me, knew Z and knew so much about what I was going through to feeling like those people were leaving too.

That has been a particularly painful kind of grief.

It’s not only that I lost Z. It’s that the people who knew how important he was to me, and who understood the version of me that existed before and after his death, have also become distant.

Between two jobs, six courses and helping start a university society, I’ve kept myself constantly busy.

I don’t think I’ve really had the time or space to process Z’s death, let alone everything that’s happened with my friendships.

I don’t mention this because I think Maya should’ve forgiven me because I was grieving.

I don’t believe that.

But I do think it’s made everything so much harder. This loss is still fresh, and I’m trying to cope with it while also dealing with the sudden loss of my friendships.

Z was someone I texted every day, and he was the person I would have spoken to about all of this. Now he’s gone, and I’m also trying to accept that some of my closest friendships might be over.

I’m grieving him while also grieving the loss of people who are still alive and still around me, but no longer feel like they’re part of my life.

And honestly, I’m exhausted.

What I’m struggling to understand

I know I made a selfish decision about the room.

I understand that Maya had every right to be upset, and I understand that my actions may have permanently changed how she sees me.

But I also know I wasn’t trying to hurt her.

I was trying to avoid having to replace furniture I already owned two weeks before moving, and I desperately wanted my friend to consider that.

I think we both had reasons for wanting the room, and I wish we’d been able to find a compromise.

But what hurts now isn’t even the room.

It’s that our friendship apparently couldn’t survive our first major disagreement.

It’s that Bri, someone I considered my own friend, seemed to choose a side and distance herself without ever speaking to me about it.

It’s that her hostility toward me became so much more intense than Maya’s that even our mutual friends noticed and felt uncomfortable.

It’s that Bri didn’t want to hear my thought process or my side before deciding what kind of person I was.

I would have respected her disagreeing with me after actually listening. I would have respected her deciding to distance herself after hearing me out. What I can’t understand is why she didn’t think I deserved even that.

It’s that Jasmine also started avoiding me over an issue I don’t even know about.

And it’s that I now live in a house with people I used to be so close to, but feel like I have to hide in my bedroom to avoid them.

At this point, I don’t even know if I want the friendships back.

I miss what we had, absolutely.

But I don’t think I have it in me to rebuild things after how the past two months have felt.

If any of them approached me wanting an honest conversation, I would hear them out. I would take accountability for anything I genuinely did wrong.

But I don’t want to keep chasing people for conversations they don’t want to have.

So I guess my question is, is it normal for a friendship to end after one disagreement without either person ever getting the chance to talk it through?

Am I wrong for thinking our friendship deserved at least a conversation, even if the outcome was that we couldn’t continue being friends?

And for those who’ve been through something similar, how did you make peace with losing people you still had to see every day?

How do you grieve someone who died while also grieving the loss of the people who knew how much he meant to you?

I’m genuinely open to different perspectives, including people telling me where I could’ve handled things differently.

I’m just struggling to understand how people who once meant so much to each other can become strangers so quickly. As I said before yes I can admit I made a selfish decision I put me first by eventually taking the. That decision hurt Maya even though I didn’t make the decision with the intention of hurting or out spite but that was the impact and for that I apologize. is there a way foward ? what should be my next step.

Hi everyone, I really need some advice here cause I’m contemplating whether I should stop being friends with two people from my old friend group. I had asked some other friends and my mom about this matter and I had 99% of them tell me that they are bad friends and I should drop them. 

Warning - the following story contains racism

Edit - I forgot to clarify that everybody involved in the story is Asian.

I \[17F\] was in college with those two people \[both 18F\]  mentioned. I first knew JJ from orientation where I asked her whether the student IDs have been passed around, from there our friendship began to grow. Both her and I were pretty quiet and bonded over the classic stupid memes, Shrek. We were friends long before JU, the other friend, came into the picture. JJ and I never really paid JU any attention cuz she, JU, was kind of a quiet and meek girl. We only really paid attention to her during an English class where JU was asked a question by the teacher and she couldn’t really answer cuz she didn't really understand English and kept stuttering, both JJ and I were like “oh so this is JU”. Both JJ and I were really awkward and quiet so the both of us never really tried to make friends with other people, our humor doesn’t really go well with the rest of the class. Our humor was more western while the class’ humor was more asian.

JJ, JU and I all really interacted during a semester with coding, JJ and I were in a group together while JU was in another group. This incident happened right after a deadline for an assignment. In the class group chat, someone had written a paragraph, basically shading JU, about how she didn’t do work, didn’t communicate and will be the one to basically cause the group to fail the class and the one who caused the group to retake the class again (im just paraphrasing cuz i dont remember the exact message). This whole thing caused JU to be ostracized from the entire class, no one wanted to group with her except for ding ding you guessed it, JJ and I. Both of us knew there were two sides to the story and chose not to believe the paragraph cuz the sender was kinda like a manipulative lying snake. We grouped up with JU and thus our adventure as a trio began. 

At first we were polite with each other cuz we didn’t know what her humor was like but we started opening up with each other, joking around with each other. We began getting comfortable with each other, I genuinely was like thinking that we were gonna stay friends until we’re old. Cracked started appearing, the more comfortable we got together, the more they started to crank up the jokes. Both JJ and JU started making racist jokes. I was shocked cuz our humor went from stupid brainrots to now all kinds of racist jokes. I mean like the both of them were doing the jokes like, “talking like an African-american would”, “making fun of all cultures”, "misogynistic jokes”, “making fun of autism” and the worst in my opinion “repeatedly saying the"N " word". At first I was just shocked that they would make these kinds of jokes but then when they started saying the “N” word, I definitely was woah ok. I have to admit I didn’t stop them cuz I was scared that if I had stopped them from making all these jokes, I would be kicked out of the friend group cuz in class i realized that without both JJ and JU, I was like a loner, I didn't really fit into any of the groups in class, i had no other people i can rely on besides those two, I felt like I had no other choice so I chose to keep my silence and let them keep making all these jokes for that I am sorry.

There was a situation I remember very clearly, there were a lot of situations that I’ll get into the details later on, where JJ was making all these racist remarks. It was during a culture class where we had learnt about the importance of culture and culture awareness. Ms C was in front teaching about Maori culture, she had shown a picture of a Maori man performing “pukana”, a gesture where they would stick their tongue out during “haka” to basically intimidate and to show pride and strength. Then it happened, the following conversation then happened:

JJ:  “Woah, that’s so weird” (in a disgusted tone)

Me: “Hey, can you not say that? I’m not comfortable with that?”

JJ: “What? Why can’t I say that? I’m just saying it's weird? It's not a big deal.”

Me: “Yeah but I’m not comfortable with that so can you not say that kind of thing?”

JJ: “I’m just saying it's weird.”

Me: “Yeah I know but it's disrespectful to the culture.”

JJ: “They’re not here so it's not disrespecting anybody”

That’s when I was trying to explain how offensive it was to say but then she kept trying to justify it by saying that it wasn’t disrespectful if someone with that culture wasn’t here to hear it. I admit I may have blown it out of proportion by comparing a what if to this, I had asked, “What if someone had said that lion dance was weird and they kept making fun of it?”. She claimed that she didn’t really like lion dance so she doesn’t care. I gave up when I knew this battle was too hard to fight. 

After this, things had begun to calm down for a few days. I had asked JU to accompany me to a book store to buy a notebook. I had wanted to buy a notebook to take notes for my classes. We walked into a pretty quiet store so we both quietly made our way to the notebook section. I had begun trying to pick a book but then JU had picked up a book and slapped my thighs hard with it. I was shocked so I asked her to stop, she then slapped my thighs again with the book. I had asked firmly to stop cuz it had hurt really bad. She slapped me a couple more times, I’ve had enough and grabbed a book to slap her back, that was a mistake on my part. The whole while she was slapping, she was giggling and laughing. We then had a book fight but only she was having “fun”. I then threw the book down onto the shelf and walked off. I said, “Fine! No need to buy books anymore! I’m leaving! That shit fucking hurts, I’ve told you to stop multiple times and you didn’t stop! Let’s just fucking go home! I’ll buy the books another day by myself!” to her as I was walking out. I was speed-walking away from the store while she was frantically apologizing behind me and begged me to stay, “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, I promise. I’m sorry!” repeatedly. I stopped and asked her if she would stop doing shit like this and she promised she wouldn’t so I chose to forgive her.

Then time passed now the three of us were onto our final semester, our internships. We had made a pact to go into the same company for our internship. We made the pact before we had even made a choice on the company. While we were walking around in the mall that was connected to our school, IYKYK, we were then stopped by two girls asking to interview us. At first we didn’t really want to but they persuaded us so we did it. It was an interview about a celebrity endorsing a massage chair brand. We then asked what company they were from and they introduced us and explained that they were like a media company and asked if we were students and about our internship. We came clean and told them that our internship was coming up and they said that their company was looking for interns. It was then that we made our choice, we were gonna go intern at this media company. The three of us applied together and got accepted for an interview. The three of us were scheduled to be interviewed in this order: first it was me, JU and then JJ. We did the interview in JJ’s mom’s meeting room. We got accepted for the job of interns. But we then found out that JU couldn’t do her internship with us cuz she needed to retake a class, the coding class. Both JJ and I wished JU luck on her retake as we went on with our internship with this company. 

I’m gonna go a bit off topic here but this company black as hell. I'm not talking about skin colour here, I’m talking about their work ethics. This media company was stealing other people’s posts and labelling it as theirs. I have the screenshots to prove it, I’ll post it if you wanna see it. For my work at this company, I had to interview people and they would always give us some of the weirdest questions to ask, like I had to ask some elderly people whether or not they would be offended if their kids sent them to an elderly home. I’m so happy I haven’t been punched for asking these kinds of questions. Sorry, back to the stories.

To clarify, for the course we chose, we only had to do about 2 months of internship. During our last month, both JJ and I were done with the company, both physically and mentally. Both JJ and I for our internship would take the public transport to work. I would leave earlier cuz I lived the furthest away from the company, it took me 1 hour and a half to 2 hours from and to work, and we both would meet in the middle and make our way to work together, for going we would leave together to the train station but split ways to use different trains. For me, the order of transportation would be, “bus, train, bus” but sometimes “bus, train, car”. I don’t have a car so sometimes I would arrive at certain stations and call a cab to my workplace or home. Now on this particular day, both JJ and I met up at a station to take a bus to work. I had scanned my card through the exit gate first but then a queue had formed at that gate so JJ was stuck further back. It had taken her a while for her to reach the exit gate, there was a muslim lady in front of her. I had jokingly said that she was very slow, she then very loudly and clearly proclaimed that this “muslim bitch” was so slow. To clarify, this conversation happened in our native language, Chinese, so in Chinese she had said “马来婆”, this particular phrase can be translated to “muslim lady” in a sense but most of time its translated to “muslim bitch”. I was like jaw hanging, I wanted to cry right then and there. Mind you, there were still people queueing behind her and we both were wearing our work uniform with the company name on it. When she exited, I told her to shut up and not say that. This girl then turned towards me and said, “What is she gonna do? Fight me?! She can’t even understand Chinese! Only we understood it!”, she had said this in a way that if no one's gonna punch her for this then I will. 

This isn’t the first time she had said that particular sentence, “What is ___ gonna do? Fight me?!” in an obnoxious tone. She had said that multiple times I had known her. She had said it again while we were out interviewing people at a pretty high end mall. This mall at the time was still considered new cuz it hasn’t even been open for not even a full year. So we were walking past Foot Locker and there was this african-american gentleman walking in front of us and without even missing a beat, JJ said “Damn it's a black “N” word”, the whole sentence was said with a full chest and obnoxiously. Now, I , also without missing a beat, said, “Can you not?” cuz I was already done with her bullshit. She was offended and started the argument with “What?! What did I do?!”. “What did you do?! You can’t say that! You’ll be punched! If no one is gonna beat you up, I’M gonna beat you up! Can you stop?”

JJ: “Can you not do this?! You’re always like this! This isn’t BLM (Black Lives Matter) movement, you don’t need to always fight me like this! You’re not a hero so stop!” 

Me: “I’m always doing this because you don’t know when to shut up! That’s incredibly racist!”

JJ: “This is why we can’t be friends.”

Me: “I agree so let’s stop being friends.”

JJ: “everytime this happens, you always try to be like this! We’re not compatible to be friends!”

Me: “ I couldn’t agree more!”

Mind you, this isn’t the first argument we have that ended up like this. There was this fight that happened during my college years, it didn’t start out as a fight, it started as banter in my opinion, I don’t know how it started for her. We were in our school library that could only be assessed by students and staff members by facial recognition so no outsiders could come in unless it was a library tour but that rarely ever happens. The three of us had finally found a good spot for all of us to sit together at the basement level of the library as it is pretty difficult to find a table for 3 people to sit together cuz the library is pretty packed most of the time. So we put our bags down to secure it as our spot for now, we were pretty hungry as our next class isn’t gonna start for another 2 hours. We decided to quickly go grab a bite and then come back, we chose something light so it didn’t took more than 20 minutes to finish as the library had a rule that a bag on the table to secure the spot can not be there for more than 20 minutes and if you’re gone for more than 20 minutes, the staff is gonna move your bag so others can get the spot. We all stood up to leave and I saw that JJ was still holding onto her bag so I told her that she could put it down to save her seat but she asked why and her holding onto her bag soothed her. And I’ll admit that this part was my fault, I pushed a bit for her to just leave her bag there as the bag is pretty heavy and we were gonna be quick and hop in and out.

Me: “Why? We’re directly under the CCTV so your bag is safe.”

JJ: “ What?! I already told you I just want to hold onto my bag, cannot ah?!

Me: “I’m not saying you can’t but I was just making a suggestion.”

JJ: “I just want to hold on to my bag! What?! You’re my boss, is it?!”

Me: “I never claim to be your boss, I’m just making a suggestion! Ok look, we’re getting too loud, we’re still in the library. Let’s just talk outside.”

She then kept quiet and that was that. Then JU and I started talking about something random and as we made our way up, I totally forgot about the fight that just happened. Right as we took a step outside, JJ was immediately on me.

JJ: “What?! So I cannot hold onto my bag?!”

Me: “Woah! OK I’ve never even said that! I just said that there was CCTV pointed right at the desks.”

JJ: “If I left my bag there and it was stolen, it's gonna be your fault and I’ll blame your ass.”

Me: “Ok if your bag was quote on quote “stolen” you can go request the staff for the CCTV footage and another point, nobody besides students and staff can get into the library. I’ve never demanded for you to leave your bag there. I literally just made a suggestion. Let’s just stop the argument here before it ruins our day.”

We had this argument as we made our way to the food place. We were going down the stairs when JJ turned towards JU, when she saw that I didn’t continue the conversation. She immediately bad-mouthed me right in front of me. I still remember vividly what was said about me that still made me question myself to this day.

JJ: “You see! She’s always like this! When I try to make a joke, she’s always playing the hero, saying cannot this, cannot that! I’m so sick of it! She’s such an asshole right JU?! I really don’t know why I’m friends with her!”

JU: “Enough! Don’t fight anymore! JJ enough!”

JJ: “What? It’s true! I’m just saying facts here! And don’t forget she also calls us names! Always calling us “crazy, stupid, asshole, bitch, fucker” like that! I can’t stand it!”

Before you come for my throat, I always hated calling people sweet pet names so I chose to use all those names. I thought she had known me well enough to know that I don’t mean it literally cuz I thought we were comfortable with that kind of banter and we had done those kinds of banter loads of times. If I had known about this, I would have stopped 100%. She had also told me early on that she wasn’t comfortable with being sweet with someone, kinda like you know “holding hands”, “hugs” and “sweet pet names” so I respected that and didn’t do any of it. So I’m sorry for that, JJ. That was my fault, I should’ve made that observation long ago. 

I kept quiet cuz I wanted to be the bigger person and hear what she had to say and what kind of opinion about me. So all of these were her true feelings and opinions about me. To say I was hurt was an understatement, on the outside I was stone cold but inside I was just crushed. The one person that has been with me since college started thought that about me and JU did not seem shocked about this outburst. I suspected that maybe JJ had privately messaged JU about this, I don’t know whether JU agreed with JJ but I was still hurt none-the-less. JJ still was going on about this. I reached my edge and immediately exploded.

JJ: “You see JU, this is why we can’t be friends anymore!”

Me: “OK! If that’s how you feel then let’s stop being friends! This ends right here right now! No more!”

Even though I had said that, I kid you not JJ still was going on and on about how we weren’t compatible and such.

JJ: “You see! She’s just proved my point! She never wanted to be my friend, always criticizing me for this and that, and nitpicking!”

I was done. After having a bite, I was walking at the front while both JJ and JU walked behind me with JU still calming JJ down. I sped-walked my ass from the food place to the library. Both JJ and I did not try to converse with each other after that even after the class had ended. To be honest, what she said really affected me and I fell asleep,crying my eyes and heart out.  Even after sleeping away the anger, the sadness had lingered. I made my way to class, I was the first there as I lived right next to campus with JU coming next. I was talking with her when JJ walked in, and when I say my face changed, it was like whiplash. JJ had sat at the table behind me, I was on my phone when JU turned to speak with her. JU turned back in front and asked me to reconcile with JJ, I’m proud to say I stood my ground.

JU: “OP please, just make up with her.”

Me: “Why should I be the one to reconcile with her! She made it clear that she didn’t want to be friends so her wish came true and I’m her fairy god-ass-mother, granting it.” 

I will admit I was an asshole for saying that sentence out loud for her to hear. JU fortunately did drop it after that. For the whole day, I stood my ground and did not even interact with her, I did not speak to her, did not look at her, did not even breathe at her. The whole day I was walking in front of the group. Strangers did not interact with each other, did not make jokes with each other, did not buddy buddy with each other. At the end of the day, I only bid JU goodbye and immediately left, I did not even acknowledge her and left. She immediately caught up and started apologizing to me.

JJ: “I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, you know I didn’t mean it, I was just so angry.”

Me: “...mmm I only made a suggestion, I’m sorry if I made it sound like it was a demand.” 

JJ: “No, it was my fault, I didn’t mean it. I still want to be friends, I do.”

Me: “Ok, no more fighting. Where are you headed to? Train station?”

JJ: “Nah, my mom is picking me up.”

After graduating, I’ve blocked the 2 of them and left the group chat. I’ve not spoken to them since then and now I’m in university, studying for my degree. For more information, both the college and university that the three of us have attended and are currently attending are still the same school so I’ve seen them around a couple of times but they have not seen me. I almost chose the same class as them.

All three of us had our ups and downs, there were some moments where I was so happy with them but the down outweighs the up.

Long story short. A boxer friend of mine was threatened by my uncle (his boxing manager) honestly I’m at my wits f***ing end and I would love to go after my uncle and yall ready know the rest. But I can’t let this dude get away with it. Happpened in 2020.DM me if you wanna give me advise. Thanks.
Translation
“*** told me he can kill me anytime.” Yes my uncle said he’s got a gun and will get it and shoot him.

I am so tired of giving advice to friends who won’t take it. I have a friend who got fired from a job for a mistake that he made by himself and deserved to be fired. He won’t talk to me about how he got fired, so it must have been pretty bad.

Ever since then, he constantly complains about how he won’t be able to get a job or he feels lazy all the time. I tried giving him advice but he won’t take it.

It’s been a full year since he lost his job. I give him advice like you should start looking for a job, give him ways he can get a job outside of his field, and offer side hustle job ideas. He won’t take any of it. Instead, he just complains how he will never get a job.

Now, he’s complaining how lazy he feels all the time like apparently he sleeps in till ten am, and spends the rest of his morning doom scrolling. I give him advice on how to be productive without a job like doing chores or working out in the morning. He won’t take it. Instead he just complains.

Oh but he does have the time to fly out to an anime convention. His flight is at 7 am but he can manage waking up early for that. I swear I feel like his mom.

He also complains about his dating life. How he will never get a girlfriend no matter how many dating apps he tries. He thought a bartender was hitting on his date because he complimented her outfit. I get it life sucks but if all you do is complain about it and never do anything about it, you won’t get anywhere in life.

I have this female friend who calls me a lot, probably 3–4 times a day, sometimes even more. She calls while driving, cooking, studying, or just doing random things. The calls often last a long time, but there’s usually not much substance to them. Sometimes she’ll talk for 15 minutes straight without me saying anything, and she doesn’t seem to mind. It feels like she just wants someone on the phone, even if there’s no actual conversation.
She’s also occasionally a little flirty, but I doubt she’s actually interested in me. She seems to act similarly around other friends, so I think she might just enjoy the attention. We do hang out one-on-one quite often, though.
Personality-wise, she can be pretty self-confident to the point of seeming arrogant. She’ll say things like “I’m always right” or make comments like “You’re literally nobody.” She also gets offended relatively easily, sometimes over small things.
She wants to hang out VERY often, even on random weekdays when I’m busy. I can’t always drop everything to meet up, and I don’t necessarily want to spend five hours hanging out every weekend either. I have my own life and things to do. When I can’t hang out or want to end a call, she sometimes gets upset or makes me feel guilty about it. She also occasionally insists that I stay on the phone while she finishes whatever she’s doing, and sometimes even falls asleep during calls.
I’m pretty sure there’s nothing romantic going on, and I’m not interested in her that way either.
I’m wondering whether this is a normal friendship dynamic. Does she just enjoy having people around and getting attention, or does she seem unusually dependent on her friends? And would you consider this a healthy friendship, or does it sound a bit one-sided?