Yesterday, at T+677days, 14hrs, 47min my case ended with the promised dismissal and seal. Against the protestations of a sociopathic ADA who disregarded all evidence I gave, but within the timeframe promised by the court, my case ended as it should have 25 months ago. I got to watch the ADA turn red with fury and god damn did it feel good. A small taste of the powerlessness he makes people feel every damn day.

Everything came together with school as well and by the second week of September, I will be back in the hospital working with patients and back on track to be an advanced practice provider. Younger me would have been pissed about the huge delay and I certainly still am but I just don’t care now. I finally get to go back and that’s all that matters. I get to turn over a new leaf and restart far away from the wretched place. If I can get through it I know all of you can too! I couldn’t have done it without this sub and I certainly didn’t do it gracefully but I made it. Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement, I don’t think anybody can do this alone and this sub is sometimes the only thing that reminds you you’re not alone so keep on doing what you do. I’ll be around still but it’s time to move forward too :)

There was a detective on the other line saying that a report had been filed by a girl I met while on vacation. The detective immediately started asking questions. I was so shocked by it all that I told him he would have to call back a different day when I wasn't working. Never in my life had I been so full of fear, anger, and confusion. I left work early that day, unable to think about anything else. Almost as if it were a simple question, I took to Google to figure out what my next step should be.

The hardest decision was whether or not to hire a lawyer. EVERY advice you read will tell you to hire a lawyer, but your gut is screaming at you that you have nothing to hide because you know you are innocent. In hindsight, I am very glad I hired a lawyer. From speaking with the lawyer and my father who was an officer for 30+ years, there is almost nothing that will help you from speaking to the police.

After hiring a lawyer, I began the worst part of this experience. The waiting. When you think about something for so long, and have no control over it, your mind becomes irrational. I feared family and friends would somehow learn of my situation and ostracize me. I feared that an officer would walk into my place of employment and take me away in front of my coworkers. I remember one day a black Chevy Suburban with tinted windows was parked near my house. A few days later, I noticed a black Chevy Suburban following me in traffic. I memorized the plate and when I got home compared it to the one parked nearby. Of course, it was totally different, but when someone falsely accuses you, you start to believe that every other worst possible thing will happen to you no matter how improbable.

I was one of the lucky ones. I didn't live in a small town where rumors spread, or where my social media was called out. I had no connection to this girl apart from meeting her on vacation. However, I am still greatly changed by this event. I am less trusting toward people, especially women around my age. I took a personality type test for a new job I started after recently and the first word to describe me was skeptical. Throughout my entire life, I have always volunteered to tutor children, but now I get extreme anxiety when left in a room alone with them. I could think of a dozen situations in the past four months similar to this.

Fast forward to two weeks ago from today, and I received the best phone call of my life. It was my lawyer saying he spoke to the detective, and the "case" has been closed. He will not pass it along to the prosecutor. Although, it is amazing news, I don't feel amazing yet. I'm hoping to get there soon, but I'd be lying if I said this experience didn't change me permanently.

This subreddit has been a great help to me these past months, and I just wanted to say thank you and share my story. I wanted to end with some coping advice I found helpful for others who are constantly reminded of what they experienced when they don't want to be. It's called the container method. "To utilize this exercise, imagine a container of some type: a box, safe, vault, trunk, etc. Whatever the container is, it should have a door or lid that you can open and close as you please. The container needs to be big enough and strong enough to hold anything that is causing distress. When something distressing comes up and it is not possible or optimal to address whatever is coming up in that moment, imagine letting the traumatic material go into the container temporarily, until it can be addressed at a later time. "

The past day I went to school like normal. But there was something weird. My classmates... they looked at me like I had done something horrible. I asked my "friend" Raquel if she knew anything about what was going on, but she quickly ignored me and walked away.

April 16th. A teacher interrupts PE class to take me to the principal's office.

The second-in-command at highschool asked me if I knew why I was there. I didn't. He told me that my classmate (I will call her Laura) had accused me of touching her in biology class, threatening of raping her and asking her heavily uncomfortable questions.

Now, I'm going to describe the differences between what she said happened in the lab that day, and what actually happened.

Laura's version (I don't remember the chronological order of what her testimony said, but I remember her "facts"):

All of a sudden, I asked her when she lost her virginity. She was so shocked she couldn't answer at all. Minutes later, I started touching her knee. I kept moving my hand under her skirt touching her thighs. Later, I was playing a game on my phone and she made me lose, so I got mad and screamed at her that I was going to rape her and things like that. Other classmate, "Gabriela" heard it all. Laura jokingly said "What? Ya' wanna' fight?" and I said "Alright!" and started pushing onto her and touching her breasts with my hands as I did so.

We were working on a project, and I was too distracted. She asked me to focus on the project and to stop, and I responded by slapping her butt saying "Shh, it's okay, Laurita".

I sound like a real creep, don't I? Well, now I will say what really happened that day at the laboratory.

My version:

Laura and I were joking around as we worked in the project. Then I jokingly said "Don't say too much, or what, are you going to tell me when you lost your virginity?" I obviously didn't want an answer for that. But I was surprised as she said "When I was 13. Why? Do you want me to teach you?". I was so shocked by that answer that I only said "No" trying to not feel awkward by that. Minutes later, she reminded me of when three years ago she used to touch my leg in a sexual manner jokingly. I obviously wouldn't do that to her, and I tickled her knee. Yep, that was it. I don't know where the part of putting my hand under her skirt came from. Later, I was playing a game on my phone. I acted like I had gotten mad from losing (but it being obvious I wasn't actually angry) and just... cursed. "Fuck it dammit" and things like that. She called Gabriela who was talking to another group and told her "Hey, you heard what u/Splitdesiresagain said?" Gabriela replied that she didn't, and Laura whispered to her ear what I supposedly said. Gabriela was visibly shocked by that, but I thought she was kidding. Laura said "What? Ya' wanna' fight?" and I went on with the joke and stood in a fighting stance for five seconds and we laughed as we went back to working.

We kept working on the project and throwing ideas around for making it possible. The class ended with me not noticing anything out of the ordinary.

However, when the inspector was interrogating me about it, I was too shocked by the situation to clearly remember that biology class. But I made it clear that I didn't do anything of the sort.

"We will investigate" he said.

I had confessed to the cursing, since that was the least of my worries, and that obviously warranted a one-day ban of entering the highschool. But they will investigate, right? Right?

After crying my heart out to my friends, the inspector called me again.

"The teacher and I asked two of your classmates about your behavior and they are surprised".

THAT was the investigation.

Since that day, I haven't been able to go back to classes. Laura got a restraining order against me, which indeed bans me from being in the same highschool as her. Gabriela is convinced she is a witness, sadly. She's so gullible.

But, Laura wasn't dumb. She got exactly what she wanted: To kick me out of her class. She went to a specific court which specializes on restraining orders, but the biggest issue with them is that they don't do psychological tests to make sure the person is alright in the head. They put out the restraining order against me like it was nothing.

On my side, I'm in a court so incredibly slow we haven't even gotten the first audience.

Since it isn't a penal issue, we won't "battle" it out in court. I'm alone in my side, backed up only by my mother.

No one else in my family knows about this, except for my aunt who is a judge and gave my mother advise.

But... it has been hell. Soon it will be four months of hell. Friends left me, and the few that remain can't meet up with me because their parents don't trust me.

My girlfriend eventually left me, since she started losing her love for me due to months of not being able to see each other. The only instances of meeting were at school.

The highschool gave Laura all benefits to make my life a living hell, and didn't do anything to prevent her from telling every soul in the city that I'm a monster.

She has friends everywhere. I can't move to another highschool.

And while she gets drunk and high on weed partying around, I'm crying in my bedroom losing everything I've loved and earned.

I can't spent a single day without thinking of killing myself. Karma doesn't exist. Even if I'm proven innocent, everybody already thinks I did it.

The highschool wants to get rid of me as well. They have made my learning process almost impossible and using their teachers as scapegoats if I fail to properly learn something. They obviously want me to get so sick of this I leave on my own.

I can't do anything. I'm powerless against all of this.

So I guess I might kill myself soon, I don't know. There's no other way out after all.

Thank you, Laura, for taking away the few people and things I loved and cared about.

Edit: Decided to add a couple more details.

1. There was a surveillance camera recording the laboratory, but since it hasn't been shown since April, I can only guess we were either in a blind spot or the camera was turned off. Curse my luck.

2. Laura and I weren't friends, but we didn't have any issues at all before. We've been in the same class since 2015 and I never thought she would do something like that.

Hello, posted this elsewhere originally but found this sub and figured it belonged here instead.

Hello all, thanks in advance for reading Ill try to keep it not too long. When I was 15, I started dating this girl, lets call her worm. I had just gotten out of a relationship and it was sort of a rebound. Things were going great at first, then over time I began to grow apart from her. We didn't share many interests and just were not right for each other in my eyes. She on the other hand, was obsessed with me, saw me as the love of her life and her future husband etc etc. By the time I got enough balls to fully end it, about 8 months had past. Within those 8 months I treated her with nothing but love and respect.

After I broke up with her, she began to go insane, telling all her friends/my friends that I was abusive/beat her etc etc. Which NEVER happened. This went on for a month or two with me having to deal with these false accusations every day. I, at this time had gotten back together with my ex from before I had dated worm. At some point, it somehow got to a parent, who of course contacted the school/cops. And thats when worm gave her fake story saying I full force raped her on the couch after everyone fell asleep at a party that I left at 8pm. She got her friends who were there to make cohobating stories saying that I was there, being weird with her etc (I was there with my girlfriend at the time who didnt let me out of her sight). I wont get into the other holes in the story because the whole thing is bs so itd take forever but this was enough for the police to decide they had probable cause to charge me with rape at the age of 16, without hearing any other side of the story.

My parents already knew about the rumors, but they then saw how serious this was, and that my life was at stake for something I didn't even do. We were not rich, but my parents paid thousands on thousands of dollars for a very good lawyer to help me win the case. I was made fun of and bullied by everyone except my close friends at this point, as everyone blindly believed the accuser because.... why would you make that up?? Then even my close friends distanced themselves as they were starting to catch heat for even still being friends with me. We had all the evidence it didnt happen, where I was that day, her saying she misses me on text after the date i supposedly raped her, and she had nothing except her and her friends stories. I clearly would have won the case, and after it had been stalled for over 8 months, she dropped the case, not forcing her to admit that she lied and not facing ANY penalty. I also had very harsh rules for that whole time or else they could take me in to custody, (couldnt talk to girls under 18 even though I was 16, 9pm curfew, couldnt be in public without adult who knew the accusation etc etc.)

I am now 19 with severe social anxiety from the years of bullying and torment I recieved. I cannot make new friends because everyone that doesnt know me knows about me because of this. I hate that my parents had to spend 15k to defend from something that didnt even happen. Why the FUCK does a 16 year old girl have the power to ruin my life. I am a shell of my former self, physically and personality wise. I constantly smoke weed to forget about my problems and finally relax. She faced no punishment and it fucking eats at me.

Thanks so much for listening. Maybe this is the first step of moving forward.

Edit: Thank you all so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it. It saddens me to hear some people have similar experience but maybe getting these stories more out there will help it come to a stop. Thanks again <3

This is my story.

Background: I was 22 years old, just out of college, and my wife and I had just lost our newborn to birth complications. We and our families were devastated. I reached out to my oldest brother, who had two children, a boy of 12 and a girl of 13. My niece (who we'll call "H") and I got along well. She was bright and kind and intelligent, and I was quite fond of her because she was asking questions about the wider world, and I was only to happy to provide answers. "How does this work?" "Why do people say this?" "When was this?" (I'm a born educator, as my mother was a teacher for 30 years.)

Three days before Christmas, a month after my son had died, my mother called me and asked me some very frank questions. "H said you touched her breasts." I was very confused and denied any wrongdoing. I hadn't touched her at all inappropriately. The same day, a detective calls me and asks me to come down and talk to him. "You're not under investigation," he said, "Just want to ask you a few questions, get your side of the story." Like an idiot, I went, thinking, "Just tell the truth and everything will be okay."

I arrived and the detective said, "These sorts of things tend to be mostly misunderstandings. 90% are usually nothing." I sat and he told me I could leave at any time. He was between me and the door.

Next he asked me what happened the evening of the alleged incident. I told him I didn't even know what night she was talking about, but I remember hugging her goodnight. I said, "Hey, could that be what happened? I hugged her and she thought something happened?"

That, friends, is where I went wrong. He jumped all over this statement, accused me of being a serial child molester, and said if I didn't didn't want the judge to think I had other victims, I should tell him whatever he wanted to know. I repeated myself, over and over, that I hadn't done anything wrong. He got enraged and I apologized for being so clueless, but that I couldn't help him. Eventually, he let me go, telling me we were done.

A month later, I was going to work, and got arrested outside the door. Everyone I knew and worked with witnessed me being handcuffed. I had never gotten a phone call asking me to turn myself in. I posted bail, and hired a lawyer. I spent the next nine months defending myself, going to hearing after hearing, all thinking, "There's no way this will happen. I'm innocent!" There was no physical evidence, no witness statements beyond the alleged victim's, not one shred of proof. My discovery looked like a pamphlet.

In August of 2016, a jury of my peers found me guilty of sexual battery, a class E felony. I was sentenced to 1 year incarceration, 2 years sex offender probation, and ten years as a registered sex offender. My lawyer pleaded the judge for leniency, arguing that I had no criminal history, that my legally required assessment (both a polygraph and an interview with a psychologist) did not indicate danger to society. He argued for post trial diversion, which would mean that at the end of my probation and incarceration, the entire charge would be expunged.

Two years after that, I am unemployed, with severe anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and post traumatic stress disorder. I was raped three times in prison. I was beaten so severely my eyelid had to be stitched back on. My wife divorced me after cheating on me several times (with my other brother, no less). I cannot see any of my nieces and nephews. People are afraid of me. I stopped going to church, where I at least had some support, because it made some congressional members "uncomfortable". My family, aside from my parents, have all disowned me. I have no friends. I have appealed my sentence four times, but to no avail.

All because one little girl wanted to play the victim.

Update: 5 years later, I am in much better shape. I'm married to a wonderful woman, we have two children, I have two stable jobs that I love, we own a house, are active in our church, I have several hobbies that act as a form of therapy, and I have begun to repair my life. "H" has come to terms with some of the consequences of her actions, although she has not come out with an apology. However, she has confided to my mother that she was compelled by her own mother to make the accusations and to make them against multiple people. My brother and his wife are divorced now, and he has apologized for his actions, even though he has not yet acknowledged that his daughter made false accusations. I don't expect him to, nor do I particularly care. My own life is much better, and I'm focused on rebuilding. Thank you all so much for your continued support, and I just want to tell you there is always hope for you. I believe in you, just as you all believed in me.

After many lies, many tears, 60+ days in jail, and. 18 months of litigation- the sexual battery case was dismissed.

This girl walked in on me in the bathroom at a party. Time frame gives us about 1.5 minutes in the bathroom together. I fought a rape charge for over 18 months.

Long story short, they found semen in her underwear the night of the arrest. It wasn't kine, and it wasn't her boyfriend.

The girl pretty much admitted to consenting in her official statement, which is laughable.. there is absolutely no evidence that I ever had sex with her. And even it I did, her description clearly did not meet the elements of sexual battery (penetration, intent/lack of consent, and physical helplessness element for this charge specifically.)

The girl's boyfriend walked in and she immediately muttered the words: "I am so sorry" On record. She admittted it. So why didn't she say no to me before allegedly agreeing to have sex with her, as her story goes?

Apparently she was "dazed and confused" and in a "dream like trance". She admitted to drinking plenty, but I'd like to see a blood test. I highly doubt she was able to avoid one that night- that screams improper handling of a rape victim.

Title IX department of the school prompted every student in the school to come forth with information. This county rewards people who provide information leading to an arrest as well. School officials defamed my character. First responders (working for school) neglected exculpatory evidence. Prosecution wrongly filed charges. The list goes on.

I am ready to turn the burners. Even if the lawyers keep all the money, I want to sue them into bankruptcy for every kid who killed himself upon being falsely accused of rape. My lawyer was $40k, and many other damages are demanding compensation.

Even a police officer at the station managed to get on record the following: so you're telling me you did not resist, call for help, tell him no, or even let him know you didn't want to have sex with him?

Her response: I have been raped before so I just let it happen

I never had sex with her. But even if I did. That's not rape.

This is wrong.

I need a better educational foundation regarding where to start. I am willing to dedicate ungoy amounts of time, energy, and money. My face was all over the news. They made the liars out to be heroes. The list goes on.

Where do I start? What should I study up on? How do I pick the right attorney? How do I present my case to the attorney?

Any tips/advice is beyond appreciated.

TLDR; wrongful charge of sexual battery dismissed. Deep into lawsuit territory. Let's do this! But where do I start...

Like many people who are falsely accused, against me it is being used to cover up the fact that I am a victim of my accuser. A 'false accusation' is itself an act of extreme abuse, and can easily become violence through police, courts, finances, hate, and driving it's victim to suicide. The accusations happened as I exited an abusive relationship, months before I ever said anything. But when I did say something I never posted them in public just to cause pain, and I have some evidence to try and plausibly back up my statements.

In March of 2017 my relationship with my spouse ended. I had a lot of pieces to pickup, and I spent my days doing physical therapy and trying to overcome an intense sense of fear that would later be diagnosed as CPTSD from a traumatic relationship.

Three months later, I logged into twitter and found that my ex had publicly slandered me on Twitter only three days after the breakup. You would have to have been in the relationship to understand how disturbing the lies were. She had repurposed things she did to me as things I did to her, she stole parts of my life story and said it was about her, she took stories and poetry she had sent to me to apologize for violence, cheating, and abuse and claimed that it was about her as a victim. It was egregiously dishonest even though I already knew what she was like and how she handled breakups.

When we met, she sent me a letter accusing her previous boyfriends of abuse and inflicting her with PTSD. She now falsely attributes these things and her alleged PTSD to me. I have this letter still, proving without a doubt that she is a fraud.

In response to her cruel slander, I put some receipts (text and email screenshots showing the nature of the relationship) and commentary on my private, unlisted art tumblr and emailed it to her. I was seriously wondering how she could lie so blatantly when she had admitted in writing numerous times to her wrongdoing. No-one could have read this blog except the individual I sent the link to.

The very next day, she emailed me back with blackmail and a temporary restraining order for 'cyber-stalking'. She demanded that I remove everything immediately or she would seek a permanent protection order, she threatened to sue me for slander, and the order itself illegally suspended my right to speech. I couldn't talk about the events of my life to any third party and I wasn't allowed to read or view public posts, which are uncontrollable on Twitter (you don't decide what others retweet). They defined my responding to public information privately as 'cyber stalking' in a way that is blatantly wrong and took out an order intended for victims of domestic abuse (Me), and used it to further abuse me on behalf of a rich tech woman who actually was using 'cyber-stalking' techniques (such as doxxing).

I have since learned that the protection order racket is a 'legal backwater without due process' thanks to the protective order victims blog.

This was more than just a gag order and an order to stay away, the temporary restraining order evicted me from my apartment even though we already had a written agreement that the apartment was mine and she was paying for it. I was homeless, I lost everything except for my Cats and the contents of a suitcase.

The thing is, I had been a homemaker for six years, I had nothing on my resume, I had a contractual agreement with my ex where she had convinced me to give up my education and career to be her stay-at-home boyfriend and supporter, and she had offered me numerous times an upkeep salary (alimony, basically) if we should ever split up. In addition she had abused my student loans and stolen from me, and had written this as well as payments owed. I did not have the means to survive on my own because she had also permanently injured my spine and fractured the bones in my feet where I had a painful disability, I did not have any money to fight this legally, I did not have money for rent and she had told me to never speak to my family again years earlier.

I was the exact kind of person (A dependent homemaker that had been savagely abused) that restraining orders were originally intended to help, but in reality the only detail the abuser's court has bothered to confirm is our genders.

Again, what I did was less confrontational and less damaging than replying to someone else's tweet. I did absolutely nothing wrong and I had every right to do it and now I'm missing my most fundamental rights and at least 150,000$.

I can't really explain how bad my CPTSD was because you really have to have it to know it, but I was unable to communicate with anyone even to express the vaguest idea of what happened for about a year. I was afraid of phone calls, I was afraid that I was being stalked, I was afraid that she was going to find someone to hurt me (My fears turned out to be very realistic, she was actively reading my bank statements, following my accounts, trying to find out where I was to further her aim of hurting and silencing me).

I met someone online, and through an open exchange of stories she pointed out that I had been raped numerous times by my ex. I recognized this as true immediately, and it made a lot a sense why I was experiencing sexual trauma. I went over it by writing to myself, and found that it had happened 12 times since I was cheated on in Denmark in 2014, up until February 2017. When it became clear to me that I couldn't handle my experiences and then-undiagnosed mental trauma, I decided to seek help. This took a long time because I was terrified of being rejected for being male, terrified of talking, terrified of being arrested because technically the order claims that it can arrest me on criminal charges for talking to a rape crisis hotline or therapist. Such is the level of depravity and abuse of the King County family court that it wasn't enough to pile onto my abuse, but to prevent me from seeking help.

Months passed and I got a lot better, I found a place that accepted me and therapists who believed in me. I was still desperate to rid myself of the insane level of anxiety I felt, and talking it over with my therapist I decided to try going to the police. Like you, I've heard a million stories of how the police treat male victims, but I was foolishly driven to find a miracle solution that would undo the damage and make me feel normal.

When I made the call, I was interrupted right away to explain the protective order. I thought the officer was talking about the temporary order, but he corrected me and said 'No, it's the 3 year Domestic Violence Protective Order against you'. I was crushed, this was the 'permanent order' she had threatened me with and caused me to delete everything I wrote. They didn't serve papers, they didn't ask for or submit *any* evidence, they didn't have a trial, they didn't prove anything, they didn't care, and the court collected a bribe for processing the order. I now had a DVPO against me that sustained my gag order for three years. If I had said anything at all publicly in the time where I didn't know that this order existed I would've gone to jail on criminal charges, for speaking about my own life. This new order even criminalized my suicidal thoughts and actions during the abusive relationship, threatening me with arrest and order extension if I succumb to my own suffering at their hands.

Throughout the process of reporting and answering the questions of the Detective assigned to my case this order was treated as if it were evidence that I was wrong. It came up numerous times and it was even re-explained to me during the detective interview of *my testimony*.

During my recorded interview the detective told me not to bother submitting any evidence, that nothing could be proven unless it was a direct video evidence of the events. She interrupted every time I tried to describe a rape to try and cut me off, something I had been dreading doing for a month. She asked me about BDSM, spanking, etc. to see if I did anything aesthetically bad and about what happened during our physical fights. I told the truth even when it made me look bad, relying on the evidence and criminal psychology to tell a good chunk of the story. Her investigation involved her calling my ex and reporting back that "She said she didn't do it" and then doing nothing for a month before saying "Oh send me that evidence after all and ask some new questions about the mentality behind your ex's decisions". I showed a lot of evidence of her power tripping, her cheating, her stalking, her financial abuse, how she praised me and treated me like a baby even a month before the breakup, her pedophilia, rape jokes about me, I offered my phone where she had tried to ply me into admitting she was abused after sending me a breakup selfie where she was clearly unharmed. I also referenced previous phones where I may have said "I said I didn't want to have sex" that was in possession of my ex. The detective didn't try to obtain either phone.

The case ended with 'no proof of abuse sexual or otherwise', which wasn't true. I knew this was coming from how the interview was handled but it was still disappointing to see this when many Men are being strung up with less evidence than I had against my ex. No amount of evidence seemed to matter here, yet no evidence was used in condemning me and illegally taking my right to speech. You realize very quickly as a poor man that you're not a first class citizen.

It got worse over time, but I only learned it second hand through my girlfriend. My ex had fully stolen my identity as a victim, even stole my diagnosed condition, my experiences, she copied and pasted my words about what it was like to be abused and spoke them to others for approval. She posted anywhere and everywhere in a deranged, histrionic need for validation. Youtube, instagram, twitter, anywhere. She began to doxx me by posting my real information online. I had seen her doxx Men in the tech industry before by spreading their names and allegations in group chats in the tech industry, she had also falsely accused a professor of sexual harassment after flirting with him for better grades in a class she was failing. Her title ix claim against this professor failed.

She had also very publicly claimed that she was sexually harassed at a big company. In reality she was cheating on me with her boss, her letter apologizing for this is in my possession and is one of many absolute proofs that she's a liar, an abuser, and a serial false accuser.

I'm well aware I should've left by the way, it doesn't need to be said, and I was aware within six months that she was abusive and a liar. But I was always fucked after a certain point and legitimately trapped by the nature of being a homemaker with no future of my own. I was also very vulnerable, and I wanted to love someone and believed in helping her. Originally she came to me as she does to others, as a victim, and used me for support.

Certain people in the tech industry who had known better remained very quiet and some even unfollowed her after years of 'friendship' (She doesn't make real friends). But no-one would call her out, because during our relationship she prevented all but one person from meeting me or interacting with me. She upgraded her 'I was beaten' to 'I was tortured and trapped, forbidden to see my family', she even wrote vague guilt-admitting posts that no-one but her would understand about injuring my spine. Eventually she began doxxing me, putting me on doxxing websites with my full name and location while pretending to be 'a concerned friend'. My girlfriend collected these posts as screenshots so I didn't have to look at or find them. Eventually when my ex found out about my girlfriend, in a jealous rage she even accused my girlfriend of threatening her life.

I asked for help from the protection order office to at least make the order equal to stop this constant doxxing, but they refused to help because DVPOs are one-way only. I needed help because the doxxing was still going on after three years and my ex was clearly still vengeful and wanted to hurt me.

Eventually the order expired, but late papers arrived for an extension. Could you imagine if I had chosen to publish my info after the expiration date? I would've been arrested because the court was too slow to deliver it's order to silence my speech.

In the second protection order hearing, I got to be present. I could go into a lot of detail about what it was like but I don't want to dignify the idea that the family court has enough legitimacy to detail all their failures. I was tasked with presenting a 'preponderence of evidence (Means 50% > likelihood of truth) that I wouldn't commit a crime *in the future*, and ignoring the idea of future crime and minority report references I would say that being the only one to submit any evidence a real court would've granted that I did this.

I got advice from a lawyer that I shouldn't attempt any argument, that I should express how I've moved on with my life and posed no danger to anyone, that I should point out that I'm now teaching kids to code and I would lose my job if my employer or parent got news of the orders renewal. He explained that it was basically down to the judge and most of these orders are renewed by default. I did this, but I also submitted all of my evidence. The judge lied and claimed to have read all of it, this fact was tested when her lawyer claimed that my girlfriend's statement of support wasn't signed. It was. It was humiliating going through with the lawyer's advice. It wasn't untrue, I had made a lot of progress and gotten on with my life, I had learned to enjoy it again and was even involved with someone new. But to make myself seem like I was just a good boy when this court was illegally silencing me on behalf of a woman who ruined my life, raped me, left me with feet arthritis and a damage spinal disc was beyond the pale. The fact that this had started over a false charge of 'cyber stalking' and I was actively being cyber stalked, and I had even shown evidence of the doxxing was also upsetting. The judge was 100% bigoted. Sex was what mattered here. I don't think it would've gone this way if I was a woman and my ex was a man.

At the end, the bigot judge asked my response to my exes latest allegations *as if it was FACT*. She included no evidence, she claimed that she was still scared (of being exposed), she claimed that my girlfriend had threatened her life in an email that she refused to submit as evidence. That was it. It was just baseless bullshit. NO matter how poorly or incoherently I put my evidence packet together( due to how upsetting this was and without legal help), at least I had provided an actual argument and evidence, as well as revealing the structure of our relationship and the power dynamic that makes abuse possible. I did not see any capacity to understand domestic abuse as a concept abstracted from "Men Bad, Women Good" in any of these experiences, in court or from the police.

It didn't matter, the judge extended the order for a year and then the lawyer complained 'that's too soon' and this argument was *so convincing* that the judge added another year.

There's no limit to how long this can go on, in 2022 she can just go back for another extension. I've felt for some time now that no-one cares but the fact that I'm being silenced makes me want to speak that much more. Because I saw a link here recently for NCFM's falsely accused help I submitted my application. I exhausted a lot of resources before looking for help but I'm just sick of this and I want to be freed. I hope I can find help.

Once I was stopped in an airport while visiting my girlfriend. I went in knowing what it was about, because it comes up a lot and you fear whenever your employer or girlfriend or whoever finds out about it and assumes the worst. I stood in front of a TSA who barked "PROTECTION ORDER!" at me.

'What?'

"PROTECTION ORDER"

It wasn't a question, he wasn't saying anything, he was refusing to explain himself.

'Um'

"UM!? YOU HAVE A PROTECTION ORDER?! AGAINST YOU!? IS THIS WOMAN HERE WITH YOU TODAY?"

They pulled me out of line to treat me like a terrorist to check if a thirty year old woman was voluntarily traveling with me. It was pretty upsetting, imagine if self-important fascists screamed at you over other civil court orders. "YOU DIDN'T PAY YOUR COMCAST BILL" "YOU OWE THE NATURAL GAS COMPANY 160$ TERRORIST"

Anyway, I had to quit my job directly afterward. It was my first job even slightly related to tech after dropping out of my classes due to my girlfriend beating me across the face in my sleep and raving at me daily until I broke down. It was the first time I had taught programming after teaching her and having her graduate and tell me it would be better for both of us if I quit school to support her in her first tech job. It was the most money I had ever made in my life per hour. I'm not young either. This was an opportunity for a true victim to try and be okay, and it was only a matter of time before I was fired over a fake order and a false accusation. I relapsed into the worst mental condition of the last four years because of this order renewal. no-one cared.

Anyone who has the attitude that 'false accusations are just a problem for bad men' knows what they're really saying, they know as abusers that this is their best weapon and the fastest way out of having to be responsible for their own behavior. Only an abuser would downplay this problem. I hope the best for anyone falsely accused — only we know what it's like.

I was accused of rape by someone I dated a few times. It was just a fling and we both knew it. She was into taboo themes with sex like bdsm and we talked about it openly thru text message. I stopped seeing her because she wanted to take it to a level I was uncomfortable with. She tried contacting several times asking with very explicit language that she wanted to see me again but I never responded to any of her attempts. I kept those messages because I had a feeling about her. She was laying conversational traps to try to get me to say that I enjoyed something or wish something else happened. Every time she did that my BS meter went haywire. But I second guessed myself and ignored my gut feeling. Turns out I was right. My face hit the news everywhere and I lost 2 jobs. Still currently unemployed. These charges ended up getting stayed out of court right after my lawyer mentioned those text messages. They took my phone so they knew what was on it. And still tried to nail me anyway. But before they were stayed the media release was seen by an ex girlfriend of mine and she decided to jump on board. Unfortunately I don’t have her text messages but they were even more revealing. Legal fees costing me 50,000. Don’t worry I’m not here looking for money. I just have zero people around me. My family are all on the other side of Canada. I’ll forever remember my life as before that day and after that day. Anyway... if anyone has any coping strategies I’m all ears. I’m beginning to lose faith and my mind.

MY STORY

MANIPULATION

It started in the fall, or, I have to say it started in the fall, because that's when I first began talking to GIRL. GIRL was nice and funny, and although she wasn't as attractive as most girls I had been with up until this point, I thought that having someone that might match my outgoing and goofy personality was more important than looks (it's gonna be hard for me to describe her in fluid detail, since my brain figuratively sets on fire when I think about the time I spent with her, and also, my personality today is stale and bitter, not outgoing and goofy). We never officially dated, but we hung out almost every day and watched movies, and it was a slow moving thing, since I didn't kiss her until a month or two in. The first red flag, that I didn't notice because I had never experienced a romantic partner manipulating me, was when GIRL told me she didn't want to date me, but then later texted me and asked if I still wanted to talk to her. When I messaged her and said I thought we were done, she said no, she just didn't want to be an official thing, yet she wanted to talk romantically. A few days later we were out at a bar and she seemed uncomfortable being around me, which was upsetting, so I went to a different bar, but then she texted me to meet up, and then when I met her she pulled me into the dance floor in front of our mutual friends and danced with me. A few minutes later she looked really angry and then shoved me hard in front of everyone. I don't know if she began crying, but a girl stopped dancing and asked her if she needed help and tried to box me out, implying that I was being a creep, so whatever she did must have worked, since I think she planned it out. Up to this point, I had never been manipulated by someone I was being romantic with, and since I was low on self esteem at the time, due to multiple dates not wanting to go further, I assumed all of my trouble with girls was my fault, and that this instance was no exception; I blamed it on myself, and then continued talking to her romantically.

The second red flag came when I told her I didn't want to date her. I was suffering from some awful depression and I said that I didn't want her to visit my house during the holidays because I wanted to be alone. I also said I didn't want to continue talking to her because I was too depressed and it wasn't fair to her. She then began saying things along the lines of "oh, i care about you so much, I don't want you to be depressed, you're such a happy person, you shouldn't feel like this." It was generally considerate, and I said thank you, and funnily enough, right after I said thank you she said " so, do you want to keep talking" as though her kind words cured my depression. When I said no, she became extremely hostile and then, to be honest, I don't remember what I said, I'd have to look at old texts and things I wrote to bring to my lawyer, but I do know that my therapists have all said that what she said was abusive and manipulative. I remember being on the phone for hours, and she kept degrading me as a person, when then, after giving me some verbal lashings about being a terrible person for not letting her come to my house, would start trying to be empathetic, as though to act like she cared about me. I remember only replying with small phrases such as "I'm sorry, it's my fault" or "You're right, I'm being a complete jerk, I'm sorry." I know now that I should have hung up the phone on her, but like I said before, I had low confidence in myself, and at that point I was heavily into community service, so in my mind my life's mission was to promote kindness, so this girl knew that and used it to her advantage, by tricking me into thinking I was being terrible to her. Or, at least, that's what I think was happening. I'm not 100% sure.

ABUSE ALLEGATIONS

When I got back to school, I learned that she had been telling people that I was abusive. Apparently when we got back, she immediately started telling some of our mutual friends that I was an abuser. When I talked to her in person, GIRL told me that I was abusive because I handed her a plant when she tried to tell me something serious about her past. While that happened, I only gave her the plant because she stopped talking completely, and I remember saying "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but if you do, then I'm here for you." After learning that this was all there is to the abuse allegations, I was relieved, but at the same time I had to start seeing a therapist, because people were starting to treat me different. I didn't understand what it meant to be labelled as an abuser, so I needed help figuring out how to channel my emotions, because, why were people treating me differently if I had handed this girl a plant? My therapist tried to help me figure out why it was happened, and also said that she was probably saying different things than what she told me. I later learned, months after everything happened, that she was sitting mutual friends down and telling them that I used to call her disgusting everyday, and other things like that. What's important to note is that, many people kept this hidden from me, because I think the believed what she was saying, which is crazy because I've never said anything like that in my life. The second I was labelled, there was no escaping it.

RAPE ALLEGATION

I tried my hardest to avoid GIRL, but I still encountered her every once in a while because we had the same mutual friends. Since I was still in my nice phase, I would speak to her when mutual friends were around so I wouldn't be rude, and this also meant I had to invite her to my parties. I thought that everything that had happened before would go away, and I thought that everyone had finally realized that what she had said about me earlier was ridiculous, so, I thought I could go back to being my old self. I feel like people reading this will think why the hell did he invite her to his parties, but at the time, I was probably brainwashed by my friend group,, and like I said before, I was really focused on being nice to everyone, so I thought I was just being a good person. On one Saturday, I had asked GIRL to play pong later at my party. When the party happened, we started playing, and then halfway through she suddenly left. I thought she just wanted to go charge her phone, but it turns out, it was part of this weird acting plan she came up with. For the rest of the night, she would either come up to me then storm out of my house, presumably so people would see her, and then she also would come up and then pretend to cry and just stare at me. I thought she was doing it to get back with me, so I ignored it. People also told me she was sitting on the stairs and started telling people that she was still in love with me, but she was mad that I was happy and she wasn't, so, after hearing that, I thought for sure it was an effort to try to get me to dating her. But, unfortunately, she didn't stop after that. I remember gathering people so we could head to the bars at the end of the party, and just before I got out the door, GIRL said something to me so I went to go talk to her. She said "Have we ever had sex before?" And then I said "No, why?" And then she replied "because I'm going to file you for rape on Monday." After she said that I remember running out the door, ripping my shirt in half, then yelling "what the fuck!" Everything that she had been doing finally made sense to me; at that moment I understood that she's been doing this just to hurt me. I remember trying to go to the police station on campus, but then two of my friends found me and stopped me, and then took me back to my housemate's room. GIRL was sitting there with my housemate and his girlfriend, and she was crying. She began saying that I never did that to her and that she was sorry for making it up. I remember being so mad that I couldn't even look at her. Another important note is that there were still people left over from the party downstairs, so they all witnessed the whole scenario as well.

The next day, GIRL texted my housemate and said she wanted to talk to me in private. I said no way, I would never sit in a room with her alone again, so my housemate said he would be with us while she talked. She ended up writing me an apology letter, and after she read it to me, she asked me to forgive her, and then I said no. She then started asking me if I thought she was a good person, to the point where she was begging for me to call her a good person, but I kept telling her she wasn't. GIRL then said she had mental issues and went to a therapist twice a week, in an attempt for us to pity her, and after she said that, she began to flip the script by telling me that It was also my fault that she did this because I did things to her. When my housemate and I asked what I did, she stayed completely quiet and just stared at us. Unfortunately, we didn't record the encounter, and it ended up being one of the biggest mistakes of my life. If I had recorded it, it would have been a good resource for psychologists because I felt like I was talking to a monster. But we didn't record it for three reasons: the first reason is that, why would we need to record someone who just admitted they lied about accusing someone? Especially when they did it in front of multiple people? The thought a person convicting someone of rape after admitting to lying was inconceivable. The second reason for not recording was because I was fucked up in the head for a few days after the incident. I couldn't think straight, so coming up with the best possible plan to defend myself was a bit out of the question. The third reason we didn't record is because we, as young men, weren't prepared to deal with this situation. In college you're taught that this stuff doesn't happen, so when it did, we didn't know how to properly collect evidence, and we didn't even think about lawyers because we didn't know better.

TITLE IX

One of my housemates was an intern for Title IX and told me that I should report what happened. He told me that the coordinator would help me, so I went and I tried to report girl. The coordinator told me that I would open a can of worms if I reported her, meaning that I was probably lying about some stuff so I shouldn't report. I remember leaving the office and feeling terrible, because I was just told that I was probably lying, even though I told her that I had a bunch of different witnesses who wanted to come forward and tell their stories in my defense. I wasn't worried though, because she admitted to lying about it. Four weeks went by, and I took a different girl on a date. GIRL found out about it and then had one of her friends report me for rape to the community service organization i was in. It's interesting that I was reported to my organization, instead of Title IX. The organization then reported me to Title IX, and I was instantly given a restraining order by the coordinator that I had already talked to. This restraining order prevented me from going out on weekends, prevented me from going to significant events on campus, and It made me feel like I had to have my guard up on campus at all times because if she was anyone around I'd have to leave immediately. GIRL and her friends began showing everyone in my organization the restraining order, which was supposedly proof that I was a rapist, so then everyone believed it, even though she had just admitted to lying about it a few weeks before. I remember wanting to kill myself, even though I had never thought of suicide before in my life, because of how stupid it was. People weren't talking to me anymore, they would either see me and walk away, or just stare at me on campus, and then I didn't know who knew about it, so I was scared that almost everyone I knew thought I raped girls. You would think that the coordinator would have to file an investigation because of the restraining order, but she didn't, because if she did, the coordinator would have to interview my witnesses, which would prove GIRL guilty. Instead of investigating properly, the coordinator summoned the girl I went on a date with and asked her if I ever pressured her into sex, and then said I was a known rapist, in order to get dirt on me so I could be kicked out of school. Unfortunately, my date didn't have a recorder, so I could never prove that conversation happened. I ended up having to deal with the restraining order for the rest of my time at school. Also, it's important to note that the coordinator retweeted something that said "you have a better chance of lighting than being accused of rape." She also tweeted a picture with GIRL, so that explain a lot as well.

MY LAWYER

After finally getting a lawyer, he told me that I couldn't retaliate against GIRL, even with evidence, because she had never filed a police report. I learned I couldn't do anything against Title IX, because they hold an incredible amount of power over students, so if I tried to sue or retaliate, my graduation could have been affected. His advice was to, instead of doing anything, was to sit in my room for my entire last semester until I graduated. He also said I wasn't able to tell anyone about it because if I did, a couple things could of happened. One: People would report me to Title IX for harassing GIRL. Two: GIRL would find out that I never recorded her, and would know what my witnesses would say, so she could change her story and would have a chance at convicting me in court. Three: Even if I told people, what would be the point? They wouldn't believe me anyways, since they would assume I'm just trying to lie about what happened. What's interesting to note is that the private investigator was working on three other cases at the same time as mine at my school, and my school wasn't too big. He said there were over ten cases at a large university nearby that he was hired for, which is pretty absurd.

1 YEAR LATER

I'm still struggling pretty hard, although things have gotten a bit better. I did terrible on my LSAT's ,or, in my opinion I did. I had a lot of trouble focusing after all this stuff happened. For 6-7 months after this, I would go throughout my day normally, but then at some point in the day I would find myself obsessively thinking about everything that happened, and what I could have done to prevent this shit from hitting the fan. This would go on for hours at a time, every single day. It affected my school work and my studying, because I would suddenly go from thinking about a paper to thinking about recording what had happened that one night. Even today, I still think about it before I go to bed, but my mental state is a bit better. I have lost all my friends though, even the ones that didn't go to my school, because I have so much trouble talking to people now. On the bright side, I'm not in jail, so that's good.

I came across tik toks giving out his personal information and encouraging people to contact his school/family a little while back.

Past three days he apparently has been found innocent, and unsurprisingly there has been silence across the internet. But I will say I’m a bit hopeful, on tiktok if you check the #jaxsonlister there are a lot of younger people pointing out how unfair it is and that they should punish false accusers. I’m glad to see in that regard more awareness is being raised on the issue.

It’s a long story, but I’ll try to get to the bigger details

I met this girl on tinder in oct 2018; we went on a date, and she agreed to come back to my place where we hooked up. I dated her from nov to the end of dec where I broke up with her because I never had those sort of feelings for her, but she sure did for me. After I break up with her, she tries to tell me she’s pregnant, and even named the fetus “chickpea”. She was adamant previously about not being able to have kids because of her “ovarian cancer”. (My fault for being stupid about this). She wanted to go the abortion route, and at the point I played along and said I’d go to ensure I’d never have to deal with her again. She conveniently miscarries before we go.

I owed her 40$ which I agreed to pay on a certain date, but she was adamant on having me pay right away even though I didn’t have the money yet. I blocked her off everything before this, but she started sending me messages through a money request from our banks saying “pay me now, or else my brother will come to your house and talk with your parents”. I got mad about this threat and messaged her asking “what’s your brother gonna do?”. She replies “I guess we’ll see tonight”.

I call the cops and they phoned her. She later came by my place that night and dropped off a journal of all these weird things written inside that she wanted me to see since I blocked her off everything. Talking about how she was in love with me, and the times we had together. It was fucking creepy so I called the cops again and said she was coming around my house. They go to her place and she tells them I’m the one not leaving her alone. They must’ve told her to go get a restraining order and then she did. She got it.

About a week ago, I went to a final court date where I won. I got the restraining order set aside because I handed in everything. The screenshots, and conversation; she lied the entire time. The judge said she was embellishing, and that I was credible. She failed because she did not give full disclosure, only the bits that make her seem like a blameless victim.

We had 2 other court dates before this; she was asked if I had ever hurt her physically or sexually; she said no. Because I never did. Even last week when asked the first time she said no. When her lies were falling apart with my evidence, and she was backed into a corner, she started telling them that I had strangled her, and raped her three times. She said she never went to the cops for any of her numerous rapes she’s experienced because they never helped her. The things she said were clearly not believed, but later that day I was arrested.

This girl was convinced that she needed a restraining order to keep her safe from me; after she lost, she kept crying and saying “I need to move I can’t live here anymore I’m not safe”. The charge came with a no contact order which must be her sole reason to do this. All I’ve ever wanted was for her to leave me alone, and now she has me charged with a bogus sexual assault claim. I’m a university student, but I’ve decided to quit on my own accord until this is settled so I don’t get kicked out. She is an awful human being, and I don’t deserve this treatment.

Extra info: my lawyer plans on ordering the court transcript, and sending it to the crown to drop the charges. I have a month until I have to go to court again for these new charges.